The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Sports in the Time of Coronavirus - Baseball Season Begins & The Washington Football Team Is Born

Episode Date: August 2, 2020

L.A. Clippers player Lou Williams is quarantined after visiting a strip club, the Washington Football Team rebrands, and MLB adds fake crowd noise to its broadcasts. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at that's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. America's leading metaphor for how far you went during a hookup. Just four days after the season started with a record 4 million viewers tuning in. It looks like the season is already at risk. With a report today that at least 14 players and coaches on the Miami Marlins have tested positive for coronavirus. And this is a real blow because the league had been trying literally everything it could think of to try and stay safe.

There's so many things different about Major League Baseball this season. As the Pirates look to wrap up their first series of the season at St. Louis on Sunday and check this out, your home plate unfire tosses as a player from the pirates. So new manager Derek Shelton goes out there and new rules you have to social distance and mask up to argue. Corona's really changed our lives. Hand me my mask is the new hold my earrings. I mean seriously props to these two because this is an expert demonstration on what it means to take coronavirus seriously because yes these guys wanted to fight but they also know that coronavirus is waiting to beat both of them up and if these guys the to their masks before a fight you have th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. thi. tho. to have to have to to to to to thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe is waiting to beat both of them up. And if these guys can remember to put on their mosques before a fight,

you have no excuse when you're going into Walmart. Plus, it definitely slows down a fight when you have to purel after every single punch. At the shit. Akis shit. If you ask me, managers and umpires should have always been arguing from six feet away. Because have you seen how they normally argue? I mean look at that. This dude is literally inside the other guy's cap. He looks like a really insane dentist who's angry because his patient forgot to floss. Why aren't you going beneath your gum line? Now, unlike the MLB, the NBA has decided to reduce the risk of corona infections by forcing all the basketball players to live in Disney World for the remainder of the season, what they're calling

the bubble. And as of the last round of testing, not a single player has coronavirus. So as long as the players stay in the bubble, everything should be okay. The only issue is one player decided to visit another magical kingdom. In the NBA Clippers guard, Lou Williams has been placed at a 10-day quarantine and will miss the first two seating games of the restart. Williams was photographed at the Strip Club Magic City in Atlanta, Georgia last Thursday. Williams had been excused from the NBA bubble by the team to attend a funeral.

Well, he tweeted on Friday that Magic City City was his, quote, favorite restaurant in Atlanta, and he and he and he and he and he th and he th and he thia and he thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thi thia thi thi thi thi, and he was thia thia thia thoome, thoome Williams the, to the, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to party but to get some wings. You have got to be kidding me. This guy was allowed to leave the bubble for a family emergency but then the NBA found out he went to a strip club. How did they bust him? Did he come home with glitter on his coronavirus? And I love that his excuse was that he was only at Magic City City for the wings. Not for the strippers. to the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the toe. the the the the the the the the the to get. the to get. the to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. toe but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their. their.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e. his excuse was that he was only at Magic City for the wings. Not for the strippers, just for the wings.

Look, there are excuses out there, but guys, there are tons of places you can get wings in Atlanta. Something tells me, he was actually there for the breasts and thighs. Okay, who keeps doing it? Like, the Black Lives Matter movements. Although you may be hearing less about them than you used to, protests are still going on around the country, in part because police brutality is still going on around the country. And the ripple effects of this movement are reaching all aspects of American life, including a long-awaited change in the NFL.

The Washington Redskins have officially retired the Redskins name and Indian head logo after 87 years. The football team announced the change following recent pressure from sponsors and decades of criticism that they are offensive to Native Americans. They are now working on a new name and design, which might take some time due to trademark issues. Warriors, red wolves and red tails are just some of the most popular choices among fans on social media.

Major retailers have already removed Redskins apparel from store shelves and websites. Yes, after decades of resisting, the Washington Redskins have finally decided to change their name. And look, this is a step in the right direction, but it almost feels like dismantling structural racism is so difficult that instead, America is just crossing off the easier items on its racism to do list. Okay, next item, we've got to create an equal and just society. Hmm, all right, let's skip that one.

What about changing the name of a football team and canceling Aunt Jemima? Yeah? That should hold us over for a year. So the old name is officially gone. But now, the team is searching for a new name. And I'll be honest, I think when it comes to a new name, they gotta keep it simple, keep it safe. Change the name to the Washington Washington's's. Yeah, it's catchy. It's easy to remember. And most importantly, it honors one is one is honors is the greatest the greatest the greatest the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is the greatest is it honors one of the greatest Americans of all time. My man!

Ha ha! Baseball, America's past time and the sport Michael Jordan cheated on basketball with. The coronavirus pandemic shut down the Major League season before it could even start. But now, teams are ready to get underway, COVID-style. As Major League baseball gets ready to resume play, it turns out they're going to be using crowd noise from a video game. The sounds will come from the game MLB the show. The league is hoping that the crowd noises combined with stadium announcers and all the walk-up music, that'll make it sound like the stadiums are actually full. Yes. While it's not too dangerous to fill a baseball stadium with a real crowd, the

MLB is at least going to fill it with the sounds of people watching baseball. And I think we actually have a piped into the stadiums, the actual fans will still be watching baseball at home. So for fans who want to recreate the stadium experience at home, there's a lot of things that you can do, you know, to make you feel like you actually at a game. First of all, make sure to watch the TV from really far away so you have no idea what's happening. Then grab a beer from your fridge and rip up a $20 bill. And finally, cover your bathroom in another man's urine.

Now, that's baseball. I do like this idea, though. In fact, I think we should apply this to other areas of our new coronavirus lives, you know? Like a lot of us miss eating out at restaurants. So why not just pipe in some restaurant sounds while you're eating dinner at home. Hi there, I just wanted to see if you're enjoying the food. Well, actually you just gave me the food, so I haven't actually tasted any of it yet. Yeah, no problem. I'll come back in 10 seconds and ask you about it to totally disappear.

Um, could you just come back, like, after I've eaten a bunch of it? Okay, that's perfect. I'll come back at the most inconvenient moments, but then when you need the check, I'll totally disappear forever. Uh, sounds good. the 2020 summer games postponed and social distancing taking its toll on sports, the International Olympic Committee is urging member countries to consider e-sports as a real sport. And you know what that means? Somewhere in Russia?

A team of scientists just developed some steroids. Yeah, they are so strong. Got to lift up on the rest of my hands. And boy, how the tables have turned. Because for years, for years the Olympic Committee, they look down on us gamers. We will not allow video games into the Olympics. These are not real sports.

You think shooting cartoon characters is a real sport? Call of duty is not a sport. It is just an immature way for kids to kill you. Then you die, then you come back, they kill you again. They're camping, clearly. And they're using, and they're using, and they're using, and they're using, and they're using, and their like, and their like, and their like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like a like, like, like a their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like a a their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the their. their. the their. the the the the camping clearly and they're using like a like an inning but or something but now e-sports could be on their way to becoming a real Olympic sports and man I cannot wait to watch those medal ceremonies please rise for our national anchor I'm sorry but your medal is in another castle

castle I'm sorry, but your medal is in another castle. What's up sports fans? their sports is back, which means we are back. Costa, are you am to be talking sports again? We can't, I can't, I can't hear you, bro, you're on mute. You're on mute. Yeah, I was saying that, I can't, I can't hear you bro, you're on mute. You're on mute. Yeah, I was saying that, I'm excited. Same here. Hockey's on its way back, baseball's starting up again, let's get it.

I can't wait, those are my two favorite sports to ignore while I look at my phone, but the return that everyone's talking about Roy is the return of the NBA. That's right, coronavirus cut their season short right before the playoffs, but the NBA is back with a plan that's more complicated than trying to pronounce Giannis on the Kutu Poe, on Topo. Giannis on Topelot. Poe and Topelko. The NBA hopes to shield the rest of its season from COVID-19 by keeping players and staff inside an isolation bubble.

The teams will live, practice, and play in Orlando without outside visitors or fans. Players and staff from all 22 teams participating will be sequestered in a so-called bubble. At the ESP and wide world of sports complex at the Walt Disney World Resorts, league officials hoping that will keep teams safe. The league lays out in great detail everything from how the players will work, play, relax, eat, as well as, without th, without th as well, without th as well, without th as well, without, without, without, without, with, the their their, with, without, without, without, without, with, without, without, with, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, with, without, without, their, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, without, their, their, their, the in great detail everything from how the players will work, play, relax, eat, as well as be monitored for COVID-19 when play resumes. There's going to have to be consistent surveillance, you know, on a daily basis to make sure that people are who are negative for coronavirus, stay negative.

That's right, the NBA is going to finish their season playing inside a bubble. And Roy, I love this idea th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. th. the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the. to to to te. te. teea. tea. teea. toeeea. toeee. toe. toe. to to to the. the. to finish their season playing inside a bubble. And Roy, I love this idea. It reminds me of Sleepaway Camp growing up, playing games, spending all your time together, your most trusted friends, shoving cutips up your nose while you sleep. Wait, wait, wait. Can't? Yeah. Because what I'm hearing is a bunch of mostly black dudes locked up under constant surveillance. This is basically prison with less defense. And whose idea was it to bubble up down in Florida with all the cases spiking down there? What was the second option?

What, they have the season in the middle of a Trump rally? Roy, it's fine. They're in a bubble. A bubble. Yeah, and if they respected the bubble, it could work. But the problem is that players are already breaking the rules. The NBA NBA NBA NBA the NBA the rules. The NBA is not playing around when it comes to the bubble boundaries for players who

are staying at the Walt Disney World Campus in Orlando. Sacramento Kings forward, Rishon Holmes says he accidentally crossed the campus line to pick up a food delivery. Well now, he's under a mandatory 10-day quarantine. An unnamed NBA player contacted an Instagram model, named Anna and invited her to the bubble. Unbelievable! The NBA season can be at risk because selfish players want takeout and hot, hot sex. So selfish, so hot.

It's incredibly hot, Roy. But breaking quarantine for outside food is just unnecessary. They've already got great food options in the bubble. Look at this delicious meal, Denver Nuggets player Troy Daniels tweeted out. It's a cornucopia of culinary delights. A roulette, two bags of chips, watermelon. A roll in a giant plastic bag. A smaller thing of watermelon.

Roy, that's at least 11 calories right there. The point is they haven't even started playing the game the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble the of watermelon. Roy, that's at least 11 calories right there. The point is they haven't even started playing games and the bubble is already falling apart. Costa, this season is going to be like you having sex with an Instagram model. It's going to end prematurely. Not so fast, Roy. That was in private, I told you that. But if you look at the numbers, it's actually pretty promising. The NBA had zero positive cases in its recent round of testing. The league testing close to 350 players living on the NBA campus at Disney World. All of the tests coming back negative. Damn, I didn't know it was working. Yo, let me in that bubble. I gotta get in there. I'll do whatever it takes NBA. I'll be a water boy. I'll be the kid

that mouse up the sweat underneath the basket. I'll be Anthony Davis's backup unibrow. Just whatever it takes, you got to let me in that bubble. You don't even have to pay me. You know, I don't blame you for wanting a piece of that bubble, Roy. Not only is it the safest place in America right now, but based on the videos players have been sending out on social media. It looks like they're having a pretty good time in there. Chris Paul is like everyone else embracing the outdoor life at Disney World. This is a fish. CP3 caught Monday before practice. Meanwhile, the Dallas Mavericks, they were doing a socially distant dance party on their balconies. Mineers Leonard getting in on the latest challenge. Leonard chugging beer for the second week in a row.

This has got to be less than a second for the shotgun. See MDA players are just like us shotguning beers alone. And he was fast too. He made that beer disappear like a cuttip up your nose at sleepaway camp. Yo Costa I'm sold. I want in on the fun and the bubble we got to figure out a way inside. I'm way ahead of you Roy. I'm already turning myself into an Instagram model so I can seduce the players. All I gotta do is post this pick. What do you think about that bubble, Roy? I'm gonna DM the NBA and I've been kicked off of Instagram. It was worth the shot. South Korea, the birthplace of K-pop and the best place to raise a family in somebody else's house.

After successfully dropping the coronavirus cases to basically,, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thioliolioliolioliolk, thiol-in, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, what thi, what thi, what thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, th best place to raise a family in somebody else's house. After successfully dropping their coronavirus cases to basically zero, South Korea has decided that it's time to play ball responsibly. Baseball season is underway in South Korea, but no fans are there to see it. Posters posing as fans fill the seats for yesterday's opening game of the KBO League. They may not see anything more bizarre though than this. That's a nine-year-old inside a big baseball bubble he walked himself from the pitchers mound to home plate to create a socially distant first pitch. Yes, South Korea has found a way to bring back sports in the age of coronavirus. And I mean it looks really safe. Look, don't get me wrong.

People are still gonna die of boredom. I mean, it is baseball after all, but thankfully, they're safe from Corona. I've got one question, though. Why are the fake people wearing masks? It just seems unnecessary. America has already shown that if those fans are made out of paper. Otherwise, that guy's gonna freak out.

And there it is, looks like it's a home, oh my God, that ball just went through that guy's chest. Oh my God, why is nobody helping him? You know what is also really creative is how they put that players in bubbles. Then when they get tackled, the ball bounces into the stands and then the fans who get to punch the bubble back into the field. Tell me that doesn't sound like a fun sport. Huh? And you've solved the concussion problem. Roger Gaddell. Call me.

The Daily Show with Trevor No. Ears edition. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives.

But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.