The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Sports War: 2024 Olympics | Investigating America’s Gerontocracy

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

Ronny Chieng and Michael Kosta argue over the 2024 Paris Games, including Lebron James’s role in winning the gold, Noah Lyles’ competing with Covid, and Australia B-girl, Raygun’s jaw-dropping moves. Also, Grace Kuhlenschmidt chats with UC Irvine neuropolitics researcher Mark Fisher to understand the consequences of a gerontocracy and what’s really on a cognitive test. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Survivor 47 is here, which means we're bringing you a brand new season of the only official survivor podcast on fire. And this season we are joined by fan favorite and Survivor 46 runner-up, Charlie, Charlie, I'm excited to do this together. Thanks, Jeff. So excited to be here, and I can't wait to bring you inside the mind of a survivor player for season 47. Listen to On Fire the official Survivor podcast starting September 18th wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey this is Ryan Chang. The Daily Show is on break this week but don't worry we put together some special highlights for you to catch up on in case you miss them. We'll be back on September 10th. Until then, enjoy this episode.

Well, the back to the game show, the 2024 Olympics just ended with the traditional Tom Cruise jumping off the building. For a full recap of the beauty and grace of the games, we turn to Sports War. It's to Sports War. Get ready to go back. It's time for... Broward. Brought you by Kevin, give it. The only reason we watch The Illylus. What's up, idiots?

I'm Roy Chang. And I'm Michael Costa. This is Sports War. The show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. So if I say I love begets. Then I say, fuck you, croissons for life. And if I say, fuck you, the best French New Wave director is Goudard. Well, then I say, fuck you. True foes' movies were just as revolutionary, but more accessible to a white audience. Shut the fuck up, you Philistine. Now that the 2024 Paris Olympics are over,

you'll probably miss watching women's beach volleyball every day in your office. Learn how to knock, Ronnie, but another highlight was the utter dominance of USA men's basketball. The Braun James, Kevin Durant and Steph Curry, teaming up in a thrilling gold medal game against host country France, winning by 11 points. It's everything I imagine and more. We all signed up for this mission to continue the USA basketball dominance. That's right. Suck it, France.

Pack your bags and go back to wherever it is that you came from. This just proves America is the best at the sports that we invent. Kasa, you're drooling moron. America should be embarrassed that you only beat France by 11 points. You basically lost. That score should have been 270 to 12. These players shouldn't even be allowed back in the country. Hey, LeBron, James, you stay in France and you think about what you just did. Ronnie, I swear, putting you on TV feels like a make a wish. All right, not only did Steph and LeBron dominate,

but they found a way to make it entertaining against a weak opponent, and believe me, it takes real skill to put on a great show, even when you're out there with a smaller, inferior co-host. Costa, you're the Tyrese Halliburton of this team, okay? Only one percent of our audience even knows who you are. Well, you're like the San River, just filled with diarrhea, which brings us to our Costa's Big Balls Better than Night. Which river will Ronnie Chang mysteriously drown in?

As always, brought to you by gambling. Remember, you're not you when you're not gambling. Moving on to an unexpected Olympic showdown, it was the return of the world's fastest man against the world's fastest virus. It was supposed to be a golden moment for US sprinter Noah Liles. But instead, the 27-year-old failed to take the lead in the 200-meter event, finishing with a bronze medal. He embraced fellow racers before he knelt to the ground, appearing to struggle for

breath. After the race, Liles revealed he tested positive for COVID two days earlier, but decided to still compete. What an incredible accomplishment for Noah Liles and an incredible embarrassment for the people who trained every day for four years and lost to a guy with fluid in his lungs. Yow, why don't you just keep running off the track and right into traffic? Shhh, Ronnie, like my negative COVID test this morning, you couldn't be more wrong. This was an absolute disaster for the whole world.

He won an Olympic medal with COVID and ruined the last valid excuse we all had to miss work. Your shitty boss is going to be like, if if no Liles can run 200 meters with COVID, then you gotta keep teaching these CPR classes. Which brings us to run his bigger ball's bed of the evening. Which disease will Michael Costa get next? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling, it will fix everything. Let's move on to the athlete from down under

that everyone is talking about and sure to be this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this year this year this year this year the their to be this year this that everyone is talking about and sure to be this year's most popular Halloween costume. The Australian Breaker Ray Gunn went viral for her memorable routine. Rachel Gunn, the B-girl from Australia, failed to score a single point during her Olympics competition going head-to-head with some of the world's best breakers during the sports Olympic debut. Her signature moves include the sprinkler and the kangaroo hop. Reagan actually has a PhD in breakdance and was Australia's only woman to qualify for the Olympics. Wow, thank you Australia. That was inspirational. Yeah. She's the Australian breakdancing Jamaica bobsled team of the French Olympics. She was so bad with so much

confidence. Some experts are speculating that she had Ronnie Chang syndrome. I hope that Turkish guy shoots you in your stupid face right? This was a terrible moment for you in your stupid face, right? This was a terrible moment for the Olympics, for Australia, for descendants of criminals, for dancers, for kangaroos, for white people that want to be black. It just shows you the pathetic level of talent in Australia. You fit in perfectly, Costa. Oh, fit in a country of tall, tan, hot people.

When I say, good-day, mate. Finally, as we say goodbye to the Paris Olympics, let's take a look at the final medal count. Woo, look at that. One hundred and twenty six medals. The United States has clearly won the Olympics. USA all the way. Oh, oh no! What's that?

Singapore's only won one medal? Hey Ronnie, where did you grow up again? Costa, you're a bigger dick than that French pole bottle's actual dick, right? If you factor in population size, the US actually finished 59th in medals per capita. And by that metric, you know who performed almost 50 times better than the US? Granada. Ronnie you idiot it's pronounced Canada learn the language. Bringing us to our free ball and college fund quadrupler bed of the

evening which country that Ronnie grew up in will embarrass themselves to the 2028 Olympics brought to you by gambling. It's not an addiction, if you win. All right, well, we're out of time. Join us next time on sportswear. Well, we're gonna debate if Simone Biles is so good. Why isn't she taller? Oh, you're talling. You're talling.

I look like shit. All you're tired. Shut up for one, good job. Hi, everybody, John Stewart here. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many

of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. Like any late night show, we love the 18 to 35 demographic. You guys rock. Turn off your ad blockers. You're missing a lot of great stuff. But did you know that there are some people who are older than that? And a lot of those people run the country. It's called gerontocracy. And Grace Fool and Schmidt found out more. America's democracy may not be the strongest, but at least it's the oldest. There seems to be some sort of gerontocracy. We have the oldest leaders among rich countries.

And we love all of them. Joe Biden, Donald Trump, this guy. But are there drawbacks to having our leadership with one foot in heaven? I spoke to Mark Fisher, Neuropolitics researcher at UC Irvine. We know that brain function tends to deteriorate with aging. One of the first to go of all the cognitive functions is called executive function. It's decision making.

And what can be more important for a political leader than decision making? What am I going to have for lunch? I'm president of the United States. That's a hard decision, and I hope that I have a burger for lunch. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a te age a tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea.a tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. te president of the United States. What the heck am I gonna have for lunch? That's a hard decision, and I hope that I have a burger for lunch. I guess I've had this freaky misconception that old people are wiser and smarter than me. And it feels like what you're telling me is that,

that's not true and I should never trust them. Oh, I wouldn't I wouldn't I wouldn't I wouldn't I wouldn't I tho I tho I tho I tho I tho I tho thooo tho tho thoo tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho' tho thu. tho' the. tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho-a tho-a tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thooooooooooooooooooooo. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thr. thr. tooooooooooooooo'eeeanan. toeanananananananananananananananananananananananananan't the. th Oh, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that. I think that the experience that wins over the course of the lifetime extraordinarily important. But there are some measurable cognitive functions that do begin to decline over the age of 60. So even though you have more experiences, you are still getting dumber. You know, I'm a neurologist. Dumb is not a word that we use. Okay, all right, I'll say it then, don't worry. So having a bunch of old brains in charge might be a bit of a problem, but this

wise old neurologist actually has a solution. Our neuropolitic center we came out with a recommendation that cognitive testing should be done on all politicians, not just older politicians, all politicians. Woman, man, camera TV. Unsurprisingly, Trump says he aced his cognitive test already. just older politicians, all politicians. Woman, man, camera TV. Unsurprisingly, Trump says he aced his cognitive test already. If you get it in order, you get extra points. An individual is given a number of things to remember, and then after a period of time, three to five minutes,

they're asked to repeat that. I mean, those aren't hard things to remember right person, mom, dad. It's only one part of the exam. Yeah, thank God. By itself it doesn't it doesn't determine a whole lot. I mean you have to look at the entire exam and you have to look at someone's personality. I mean I have a really good personality. Absolutely. But that's not really, that's really not assessed and no cognizant. Doesn't need to be. Without seeing his test results, we can only guess how well or not well, Trump's brain is doing. But it did make me curious, could my brain be president?

My name? Grace. My date of birth, June 30th, 1995. This first part of the exam, this isn't scored, so this is just identification material. Okay, God, I would like to be scored on those two actually if possible, because I think I got them right. Do you have more difficulties doing everyday activities due to thinking problems? No, I have almost nothing to do on a daily basis. At the bottom of the very last page, right, I have finished on the blank line provided. So this is a test of delayed recall. Got it.

This one is so easy. Can I call my mom to just double check? Last question. In the course of just a few pages, we've covered many cognitive domains. Sir. Did I pass? Let's hear it, brother. Come on. Come on.

You got it. Woo! Now, if only someone could go to Washington and get our elected leaders to take this test. Okay, fine, I'll do it. Hello. Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. You too. I'll do it. Hello. Hey, how you doing? Good to see you.

You too. My name's Grace. I'm Maxwell. I'm looking for a congressperson. Well, I am a congressman. So who does like your, your Botox or your work? You look incredible. I appreciate it. I'm actually 27.

Yes, most junior Congress person who would talk to me for this story. So, how would you feel about having a cognitive test required for politicians? I don't think we should have that. Okay, why not? You worried you'd fail, dude? What is a cognitive test? For example, I can show you one.

What are these? What are these? A rhino and a harp. Congratulations, sir! You get to keep your position. They told me that if you screwed this up, that this office would be mine. I'll be honest, I had to think for like just two seconds about what animal that was. Yeah, of course. In this baby politician's view, the issue with politics

isn't old brains. It's the lack of young ones. I do think it's an issue that, yeah, young people are as a representative. I don't think we should like boot out all the old people and just have young people running the country. So you're not ageist? When do you feel like you would retire? I don't know when I would retire, but I do think we need term limits. Do you think if you stay in Congress for 34 years, you'll be able to bring Congress to term limits?

Oh, because of how this place works, maybe, but my hope is wobbbed it way before that. So it's not hopeless. We just need our young politicians to stick around until they'll be able to change the system, however long it takes. You know what? I think I'll vote for you. You can't. Why? Not. Because I live in Orlando. I represent Orlando. If you move to Orlando, though.

I could go on a paid business trip to Disney World and leave my vote there. Yeah, yeah. That's illegal true. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. Paramount Podcasts. Survivor 47 is here, which means we're bringing you a brand new season of the only official Survivor podcast, On Fire, and this season we are joined by fan favorite and Survivor 46

runner-up, Charlie Davis to bring you even further inside the action. Charlie, I'm excited to do this together. Thanks, Jeff. So excited to be here, and I can't wait to bring you inside the mind of a survivor player for season 47. Listen to On Fire the official survivor podcast starting September 18th wherever you get your podcasts.