The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Presents: Remotely Educational - The Lessons They Won't Teach You in School

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

Trevor Noah and the Daily Show correspondents hold a remote class for children at home to learn about the real issues of the world.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Ditch the other hiring sites and let zip recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. Zip Recruiter. The smartest way to hire. Survivor 47 is here which means we're bringing you a brand new season of the only official survivor podcast on fire. And this season we are joined by fan favorite and survivor 46 runner-up Charlie Davis to bring you even further inside the action. Charlie, I'm excited to do this together. Thanks Jeff. So excited to be here and I can't wait to bring you inside the mind of a survivor player

for season 47th. Listen to on fire the officialor podcast starting September 18th wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. Hi kids, it's me. Trevor Noah. Listen, I know it's really hard during this pandemic to learn anything from a TV or a computer. Heck, it's hard for adults.

A lot of them try to learn things online and the next thing you know, they're storming the capital. But I wanted to help. So I asked the team here at the Daily Show to help put together a lesson plan for you guys. And not just any lesson, but the lessons you won't know, to know, to know, to know, to know, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, thi, their, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, thi.. And, thi. And, thin, thin, and, and, thr. And, thr. And, toge. And, togu. And, togu.a, togu.a, togu.a, togua, togua, t you need to know before life teaches them to you the hard way. My friends at the show agreed to help, because they're all under contract. So without further ado, please enjoy the Daily Show's special presentation, remotely educational. Oh, hey kids, welcome to Geography class. What's the capital of Mozambique? I don't know. Google that shit. I am going to teach you geography class.

to the capital of Mozambique. I'm going to teach you geography you won't learn in school but need to know. Like today's lesson, who hates who? That's something you gotta know. If you cab driver is Serbian, you can't be talking about that trip you took to Croatia. You're gonna get your ass thrown out on the street. So I'm gonna tell you who hates who around the globe, but I'm not'll get one little thing wrong, man, both of them gonna be mad at me, and I don't want Kurdistan in my mentions. Yeah, there to go already.

Okay, let's begin. Chinese and Japanese hate each other. Indians and Pakistanis can't stand each other. Vietnamese and Cambodians do not want to be in the same room. Turks and Armenians hate each other. Turks and Kurds, they hate each other too. Honestly, Turkey is the Nimi elites of Europe. They always at the center of some shit. You got the Russians and the Chechnyens, they always arguing. Hungarians and Roma, Dinkin' the Nure, the Irish and the British,

the Irish and the British. Honestly, that whole island hate itself. Ghana and Nigeria. Now, from what I understand about this beef, this one is mostly about rice. So here's the thing. Nigerians think Ganyan rice tasks like concrete, and Ganeans think Nigerian rice is a bigger international crime than their email scams. Fortunately, centuries of colonialism have made both countries too poor to afford a nuke, so it don't really matter that much.

Iranians and the Saudis, Saudis in the Houthis, Saudis in the Qatari's, Saudis and the Israelis, although now they're becoming friends because they both hate the Iranians more. In a way, Iran is really bringing the Middle East together. We've got the Sudan and South Sudan, North Korea and South Korea. Matter of fact, if there's two countries with the same name, they definitely hate each other. And then, of course, you've got the Israelis and the Palestinian. I said I'm not getting into it. God damn. All right, let's wrap this up. Last beef. America and everybody else. Yeah, that's right. I'm gonna give it to you straight,. the the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same name. the same name name name name name name name name name name name name name. the same name name name name name. the same name name name name name name. the same name name. They the same name. They the same name. They. They. They the same name. They. They's the same name. They the same name. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. this up. Last beef, America and everybody else. Yeah, that's right. I'm gonna give it to you straight kids.

Every other country hates us. They all hate us. Some of them we invaded. Some of them we overthrew. Most of them we bomb. Some of them we save from the Nazis, so I don't know why they mad. But it is what it is. The game is is is is is is is is is is is is is is The game is the game. But that leads me to my tip of the day, kids. If you ever travel abroad, do what I do. Pretend you're Canadian. Hell yeah. You put that maple

leaf on your head right there, man. Because here's the thing. If it's one country that nobody hates, it's Canada. I'm honest, I don't know what that's all the boot. But I'm gonna make it work for me. That's it for today, kids. See you next time in geography class. Yeah. Hi kids, welcome to Miss Desi's math for real life. Calculus is cool and all, but if you're part of the 99% of adults who don't become math teachers, you'll want to learn some math that you won't learn in school. Now there are two times normal adults use math. Tipping your waiter 20%? This is only 8% and buying a home. Bying a home is like getting married. It's a huge decision and you're only gonna do it one

to four times in your life. Lucky for you, I'm a licensed real estate agent, like one-third of adults in America, so I can help you through this big decision. Step one, determine your budget. Usually to buy a house you'll need to put 20% of the price as a down payment, so for a $500,000 house you'll need to have $100,000 in savings, but you only have $3,000. Don't worry, we'll figure that out later. Let's move on to the fun part. Step two, find th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiol-a thoom. the thoomuoomu-a thoomoomoomoomoomoomoomoomo, thoomoom-a, tho-a, tho-a, tho-a, tho-a, tho-a, tho-a, tho-a, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, that, the, the. the. the. to toge, toge, toge, to-s, to-s, to-s, too''-s, too'-a. th move on to the fun part. Step two, find a house. Look at all these beautiful houses. I'm a Victorian. I'm mid-century modern.

And we're twins. But you can't afford any of these houses. Oh wait, but what about that one on the end over there? That looks nice. I'm only affordable because a murder happened in me and I can't stop thinking about it. My walls will never be clean. In reliters speak we call this character. So let's put an offer in. Step three, put in an offer. An offer is the price you tell the seller you're willing to pay for the house. Let's offer 750K contingent on on inspection. I think that's good.

Ooh. They counted at $2 million last and final. I know it's more than we talked about, but I suggest we take it. There's a Saudi shell company right behind you ready to pay all cash. Just a quick thing, I'm paid on commission, so it's really important to me that you buy this house. But not really important to that you can afford it. So you'll accept? Congrats! On to step four, under contract. Once you've signed the initial contract, now it's time to send a forest worth of paperwork to the bank.

They'll need pay stups, bank statements, W-2s, a credit report, a letter from your employer and your parents' address, because's get the house inspected. Hello, Mr. Wrench, how's the house looking? Uh, yeah, it's falling apart. You got black mold, the furnace is shot, and the septic system needs to be replaced. That's right, the septic system. I bet you didn't know this house has a big tub of shit under it. It's right next to the well. Step five, closing day. Closing Day. Once the bank approves your paperwork, you sign the final contracts with the previous owner and the bank, and you own the house.

Specifically, you own 20% of the house. The rest belongs to the bank. Oh, which reminds me. Meet Marty the mortgage. Where's my money? You better have it by the first of the month or your ass will be out in the street. I don't give it crap if it's winter. So remember to pay your mortgage. So to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay the mortgage. to pay the mortgage. the mortgage. the mortgage. the mortgage. the mortgage. the mortgage. the mortgage. the money. the money. their money. their money. their money. their money. the the the their money. their money. their money. the the the the the the house. the house. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the the the the the the the house. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the and be happy because you're living the American dream. You own a home. And that's math class. How business works. This is a factory. It's where we make the products we use. At the loading dock, raw materials arrive to start the process. Inside, workers do specialized jobs on the assembly line. In the office, managers plan how to move the whole operation overseas. These talks spill over into steak dinners where difficult choices are made.

This is the new cheaper factory in Cambodia. With increased profits, shareholders and executives are able to buy yachts, artwork, narcotics, politicians, and memberships in sadistic sex cults. Through this process, America's business leaders keep the country running while turning old factories into loft departments for their adult children, who do filmmaking, photography, and other fake things. This process will be repeated until the system collapses, leaving us scavenging for berries and potable water. And that is how business works.

Today's show was brought to you by the letters M&K. MK Ultra was a CIA mind control project that illegally experimented on humans to identify substances that could coerce people into making confessions. MK! substances that could coerce people needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiters' powerful matching technology

start showing you qualified people for it, and you can use Zip Recruiter's pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites, and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. Zip Recruiter. The smartest way to hire. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast. The weekly show.

It's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting, you'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls.

What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're gonna be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to science class. Today we're going to talk about animals. And I know you kids all like the fancy animals, okay? But stop being so thirsty for hippos.

Because unless you're a Colombian drug lord, you're never going to own one. Instead, today we're going to talk about the animals you'll actually encounter. The ones that will infest your house. Animals like the fruit fly. This is a mild infestation. As far as insects go, fruit flies are pretty chill. They are like most Brooklyn hipsters. Very picky eaters and they have zero upper body strength.

Also, they do it doggy style. Who knew? Anyway, getting rid of them is pretty straightforward. To stop leaving piles of rotting fruit lying around. Duh, a worse infestation is bed bugs. Much like Army Hamer, they feed on human blood. Getting to their bed bugs is almost impossible. So if you get them, the best solution is to just leave. Walk out of the door, start a new life, like Miley Cyrus. People think Hannah Montana was a character, but it was just who she was until she got bed bugs. Next up, lady bugs, or as scientists call them, women bugs. This is maybe the best infestation you can have.

They don't really do anything, and for bugs, they look pretty. They're like beetles, they just got their nails done. But enough about insects. Let's move on to to to, the freeloader rodents. And to be clear, not all rodents are freeloaders. Just look at squirrels. They're like small business owners, hustling, out there renting storage lockers for their nuts. But mice just want your food. Now mice like to come into your home because it's nice and cozy. That's thi. That's the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best, their nuts, but mice just want your food. Now, mice like to come into your home because it's nice and cozy. That's why the best way to deter them is to make your home cold and inhospitable,

like a Scandinavians. If you do have mice, you'll know because they take these little shits in your house that look exactly like chocolate tic tacks, That's a lesson I learned many, many times. Finally, the king of pests, raccoons. Racoons evolved millions of years ago when a bear f-fooked a monkey. Of course, I'm just kidding.

Science doesn't actually know where they came from. Mostly, they just go through your garbage looking for food and anything they can sell on eBay. They're how nature recycles. You have they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to be they're they're they're to be careful their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. ta. taughe. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. their their their their their. their. their. anything they can sell on eBay. They're how nature recycles. You have to be careful around raccoons. They're one of the primary carriers of rabies, a virus that makes animals act like them from New Jersey. If you see a raccoon foaming at the mouth, do not go near it with a calzone. It will fight you for it. So, yeah, those are all the animals you actually need to know about. I hope you found this educational.

Now, if you're excused me, I'm going to enjoy some of these chocolate tic-tacks I just found. Oh, damn it! Okay, well, I'll see you guys next week. Hmm, maybe this one? No, no, that was poo too. All right. All right, it's ti. All right, everybody, it's time for gym class. It's also time for sex ed, which is taught by gym teachers for some reason.

Let's get right into it, it's time for gym class. It's also time for sex ed, which is taught by gym teachers for some reason. Let's get right into it, shall we? Sex. These days, the internet is going to give you the wrong idea about sex. That it's fun. Well, it's not. When you're single, getting lucky isn't having sex, it's getting a clean blood test six weeks later and when you're married It's not much better. She's more interested in her Hitacch a personal massager from Brookstone and you're so

Dysensitized by porn that you can't get things going unless you imagine she's a mermaid, but with legs. Hey, let's get 20 jumpy jacks going. Hit me! jumpy jack's going hit me. Now if you're in the feet that's kind of cool because you can just go to the beach. Grandpa Liu! I'm nine years old and one day I'm president of the United States. Well first off don't call me grandpa kid. secondly I'm not you're not. the that that. And one day I'm'm the President of the United States. Well, first off, don't call me Grandpa, kid. Secondly, no, you're not. You'll have to wait until you're 35, and this country's not going to be around that long. But, if you like throwing your weight around and holding the fate of people in the palm of your hand,

why not enter the exciting field of reality show judges? There's voting. People respect your opinion even though you have no clue what you're talking about, and the best part is you'll never have to eat a corn dog in Iowa. So be that instead. I command it. Grandpa, Lou, I love animals. I have a dog and a cat now, and my dream job when I grew up is to help them by becoming a veterinarian. Again, it's not Grandpa Lou. It's guidance, Counselor Lou. And unfortunately, vet school can cost over 300 grand and will take you decades to pay off because people love their pets but they love their money more. I'm not taking out a

second mortgage to fix muffins thyroid. Lucky for you it's a cheaper way to work with animals without all the hassle. The Russian circus, an unregulated paradise of animal performers. You'll get to treat all kinds of furry friends, from endangered species sold on the black market to a panda that you're pretty sure is actually just a dog painted black and white. And you don't only get to care for bears, you'll get to wrestle them. What a treat, huh? I'm going to sign you up. Grandpa Liu! I'm Kylie Lee. And when I grow up, I want to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to going to sign you up. Grandpa Liu, I'm Kylie, and when I grow up, I want to be an astronaut.

That's a great career choice. I mean, to be an astronaut, you have to be an expert in math and science. And if you're trapped in the American educational system, you've got no chance at that. So I suggest you try for another job that will let you enjoy the majesty of space and usher at a planetarium. You get to experience distant worlds, so do that instead. All right, last kid, I am getting sick of the shit. Mr. Black, I'm Olivia and I want to become a mid-level account representative for a marketing company. Now that's a career choice.

You don't need any advice for me, Olivia. You get what life's all about. Set a realistic goal, achieve it, and spend your weekends drinking margaritas and chilies. All right, well, that's enough correcting kids' hopeless dreams. Until next time, goodbye from Grandpa Loo. Oh, I mean, Guidance Council, Loo. Damn it! Now they've got me doing it! Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience.

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Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. that's Zip Recruiter the smartest way to hire. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, it's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday we're going to be talking about. All the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earningingsings the the the the earnings. the the the the the earnings. the the thi-I th-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-up-up-up-I-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-S. th-S. th-S. th-I-S. th-S. th-S. th-S. th-S. th-S. th-S. th-S. th-S. th-S. th-new. th-new. the the the the th-new. th-new. th-new. th-s. th-s. th-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-ccc-I-I-I-cc-I-c-I-S-I-S-co-co-co-co-c-coo-c-coo-co-co-coo-co-co-co-co-co-co-c. tho-c. tho-c. tho-c. the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday?

I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. What is the fastest land mammal? What is the fastest land mammal? A, horse. B, cheetah. C, congressman leaving a motel at 4 a.m. D. Gazelle. The answer after the break.

What is the fastest land mammal? The answer is... See! While cheetahs can reach 75 miles an hour, a properly intoxicated congressman can drive from a crime scene at twice that speed. Hey kids, today we're going to learn about commerce and we're going to do it with some help from my friend Smuggly. Ugh. Smuggly, I want to buy an action figure collectible from the new RoboDinosaur movie. I'm not sure if I have enough money.

If I have four quarters and ten dimes, can you tell me how much that's worth? Yeah, you got scrap metal. No, it's money. That's called fiat money. The future is crypto. You got to get into Bitcoin. Bitcoin. Isn't that the money you use to buy synthetic marijuana from the Philippines? No, no, no, no, no. I mean, yes, but not just that.

You can buy all kinds of things with Bitcoin. Like a robo-dinosur collectible? Sure, you can buy any dumb toy you want. Well, technically it's not a toy, it's a collectible. You see, Bitcoin is a semi-anonymous digital currency with transactions recorded in an open ledger, store it online and what's called the blockchain. Ooh, blockchain. Legos? Jesus Christ. Similar to Legos. Okay. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi. thi. th, th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. me start at the beginning. Give me a dollar. Okay.

Now, what is this dollar bill worth? One dollar. Mm-hmm. And which is worth wiping my puppet ass with? What? Smuggly, that's my dollar. Yeah, relax, man. Every dollar bill has been in someone's ass.

The point is it comes from a central bank which can just print them out of thin air. That's called inflation. And that's why, 30 years ago, a bottle of Lambrusco only cost $5, and now I'm paying like 15? That's highway robbery. So how does Bitcoin fix all this? Well, it's hard capped to 21 million Bitcoin, so there's no inflation. And the only way to find those 21 million is through mining. Mining? So bitcoins come from the ground. No, not that kind of mining. Jesus, this is why I didn't want to work on a kid's show.

But oh, a puppet can't work a trading desk at Goldman. That's discrimination. Should you really be mixing pills and wine like that? That's how Prince died. Okay, all you need to know is that you and all the other kids out there better make the leap to Bitcoin as soon as you can. Kids, I'm 41. I'm 41.

41? And you're trying to buy a toy dinosaur? Sweet baby James, I thought you'd just had like a hormone imbalance or something. To be clear it's a collectible. Look, if I want to buy one of these bitcoins, how much does it cost? Well, that depends on the market rate and what someone will take for it. Uh, right now they're worth a lot. More than a toy dinosaur? The toy dinosaur.

Buddy, for one Bitcoin, I could pay Bonnie to watch me baby-bop his wife. Sounds like I better get a bit Bitcoin. It's the money of the power or internet access goes out, and the risk of being decentralized means if someone gets control of 51% of the blockchain, they mail to the ledger. And of course the deflation problem, because why would anyone use Bitcoin to buy things if it keeps getting more valuable? Hey, you may not be able to print new bit coins, but anyone can make new crypto so Bitcoin could be made obsolete through competition, or the government could just decide to ban them them them them them them them them them them them their their their their their the competition or the government could just decide to ban them. Anyway, that's just a couple thoughts on the top of my head. Yeah, those are, uh, those are good points.

That's why the safest thing to do is to diversify and to put your money into other things. Like what? Well, while you were talking I bought this collectible dinosaur. Okay, well that's what I'm tha tha tha tha tha thia thia thia thia thiiiia thia thia thia thia thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoomoomooma thi. tho-a tho-a tho-a tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. That's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just thi. thi. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-a. th. th. th's what I wanted to buy. Yeah, exactly. There's clearly a demand, and that's what makes it valuable in the market. Why don't you let me buy that off you? Well, you can bid for it on eBay with all the rest of the man's children. Ha ha ha, that's a dick move. That's commerce for you, kids. Ah!

Hi, little friends, it's me. Dulce. And today we're going to learn how the government works. Now most civics classes will teach you about the president and Supreme Court and Congress and blah blah blah. But you don't need to know any of that. Hell, the biggest thing Congress does for you is flood your inbox. Every 15 minutes, the future of the world depends on me, sending 10 bucks to some dumb ass in Rhode Island. I'm going to tell you the to to to to to the to to to the to to to to the to to to to the to the to to to to the the to the to the to the the the the the the thi me sending 10 bucks to some dumbass in Rhode Island. I'm going to tell you about the parts of the government you'll meet in real life.

Let's start with the TSA. That's the part of the government in charge of feeling you up and confiscating your little shampoo bottles filled with hennesse. Here's a tip kids. Always drink your booze before you get on the flight. Mmm. And do you know how the TSA gets away with harassing us like this? It's because the men are so damn fine. Next, we've got the IRS.

You know how the mafia collects protection money? This is sort of like the same thing. You see, whatever you make, the government wants a taste. And the IRS are the guys who come to get it. But don't worry, the government will use that money for important things like drones, and studies to see if they can grow corn on the sun. Next, the FBI. Unless you're mobbed up, you're probably not going to hear much from these guys. They're busy working on a backlog of cases from people who copied a VHS tape in 1987. Because if there's one thing the feds hate more than Al-Qaeda, it's bootlegs of dirty dancing. There's also the CIA. They're the ones selling drugs in your community.

Let's move on to the judiciary or as I call it court shit. No matter who you are you're going to be in a lifelong battle against the justice system. For some of you it'll be avoiding jail but for most of you it'll be avoiding jury duty. Court is also where you go to get married and where you go back to get divorced. For most of you, it'll be avoiding jury duty. Court is also where you go to get married, and where you go back to to get divorced. And where you defend yourself against grand theft auto charges because he said the Ford Explore was his, but you would have one making the payments. And speaking of cars, let's move on to the DMV.

That's where you go to renew your license. You'll wait in a long-ass line next to all the weirdest people who live in your county. In fact, I'm in a DMV line right now. After this, I'm headed over to the State Department, because that's where you get your passport. The document that has the smallest, worst picture you've ever taken. Oh, don't worry.

You only have to look at it for 10 years. What else? Oh, the Department of Education. They're in charge of teaching you the basics, like where to hide during a school shooting. Other than that, they don't teach you shit, which is why I'm here teaching you on my day off. They could have more funding, but America needs that money for the Defense Department. They're the ones out there enforcing the American Empire so you can maintain your way of life.

Oh, y'all didn't think I was going to get real, did you? If you're a male over the age of 18, the military will make you register for the draft. But not if you're a woman the woman th you th you th you th you th you're a woman th you're a woman th you're a woman th you're a woman th you're a woman th you're a woman thi th you're a woman thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the the thi. thi. the the the the the the the thi thi. But thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the the the the was going to get real, did you? Hmm. If you're a male over the age of 18, the military will make you register for the draft. But not if you're a woman, and that's fine with me. I'm the kind of feminist that wants to be a CEO, not a gunnery sergeant. And that's basically most of government you interact with. There's other agencies. You got the EPA, FEMA, the Deep State, but we'll get to them another time. Right now, I gotta go get my license.

How to be a journalist. Journalism is an incredibly important profession, according to most journalists. And it's easier than ever to be a journalist. You just have to be the son of a journalist. Or the son of a journalist. Or the son of a journalist. Or the son of a journalist. Or the son of a politician. Or the daughter of a politician.

Or the daughter of a politician. Or the daughter of a politician. Or the son of a politician or the daughter of a politician or the daughter of a politician or the daughter of a politician or the son of a Vanderbilt. Ask your parents and see. Well that is our special. Thank you so much for watching. I hope we all learn something. I know I learned much too late that none of this is tax deductible. Unbelievable. Anyway, join us next time when we learn about green energy subsidies from the Cayman Islands. Class dismissed. This episode of Remotely Educational is made possible by the support of viewers like you. And also by North Star Ballistics, Trident Strategic Defense, Black Ocean

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Survivor podcast on fire, and this season we are joined by Fan Favorite and Survivor 46 runner-upup Charlie Davis to bring you even further inside the action Charlie I'm excited to do this together. Thanks Jeff so excited to be here and I can't wait to bring you inside the mind of a survivor player for season 47. Listen to on fire the official survivor podcast starting September 18th wherever you get your podcast.