The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | Celebrity Trials

Episode Date: May 17, 2025

Nothing hits quite like a trial of the century. Take a look back at some of The Daily Show's coverage of celebrity justice.  Rob Cordry learns from the experts camping outside the Michael Jackson trial. Jon Stewart examines how the media is covering the proceedings. Ed Helms chips in analysis and punnery.  Jon analyzes the coverage of the Martha Stewart trial with help from Stephen Colbert. Sam Bee and Rob Cordry chime in with updates on their round the clock surveillance of Martha's home.  Jon digs in to the Michael Vick allegations. Trevor Noah gives updates on Meek Mill and Bill Cosby, and wraps up with coverage of the Harvey Weinstein trial.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to an iHeart podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. The Michael Jackson trial, a trial of the century like this only comes around one or two times a year. It was my shot at the big time. year. It was my shot at the big time. 530 a.m. I wasted no time going in depth with Die Hard Jackson supporters whose otherwise productive lives have been put on hold by the trial of a man whose music they like. I moved out here for the trial so I've been here through every pretrial hearing, every jury selection, and every day of court. So you've seen everything?

Everything. Were you there for the molestation? Excuse me? So how long have you been here for the trial? So what's your favorite Michael Jackson song? Unbreakable and You're Not Alone. Unbreakable and You're Not Alone. So do you think you jacked that kid off?

Oh. Daybreak, the media tent buzzing. Lights up. Reporters mic'd. Cameras rolling. News about to break. And... Nothing.

As the new guy, I wasn't sure what came next. Luckily, the experienced trial media was happy to give me some pointers. Hi, I'm with The Daily Show. Will you guys talk to us on camera? Do you mind answering a couple questions on camera? Hello? Somebody throw me a bone with The Daily Show? Shut down.

I guess they didn't want The Daily Show turning this thing into a circus. No one would speak to me, except... My name's Peter Bowes, I work for the BBC. The BBC. The absolute bottom of the news barrel. Television cameras are banned from the courtroom? You can't bring television cameras inside the courtroom? No cameras.

Well that's not a surprise, it's rarely happening these days, isn't it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, whoa, whoa. I mean, what are we doing here? How are we going to cover, how am I supposed to cover this thing? What we're all doing is setting up our cameras, see Michael Jackson walk in the courtroom in the morning, wave, give the peace sign and then walk back out again at night. Wow, that seems worth it! So I waited. The pressure was building.

Hey, mind holding this for a minute, I gotta go drop the kids off the pool. Sure. Cool? Thank you. Who's that? No, no, no, not now, not now, come on! I'm not done, I'm not done, no, not now, not now, come on! I'm not done, I'm not done, I'm not done!

I told you guys to get me! I'd blown Jackson's entrance. Damn my spastic colon. I strapped on a diaper and followed Jackson inside. Hey. Hi, how's it going? Good, I'm just going to the trial. No badge, can't let you through.

Well, I'm not here for that trial. I'm here for the triple rape homicide. Then you have to go around the back and use different entrances. OK, actually, I am on the witness list. My name is Macaulay Culkin. If you can check that. Alright, they'd take you through the back on that one as well. Locked out with eight hours to go and nothing to do. Hey, do you mind? I'm trying to get inside MJ's head, okay? It's called research.

I was at a loss. Then it occurred to me. WWGD. What would Geraldo do? If Tom Stedden has something that I don't know and Michael Jackson is convicted, I'll shave off my mustache. So what are you going to shave?

I haven't made up my mind yet and I haven't made predictions for the outcome, so I'm not going to answer that question yet. I'm taking the pit. I'm going to shave my nutst and I haven't made predictions for the outcome, so I'm not going to answer that question yet. I'm taking the fit. I'm going to shave my nutstache. Three hours until the money shot. Ample time to craft the kind of insightful legal journalism that's been a hallmark of this trial.

It is a legal thriller. Oh, he's bad, all right. Promises to be a thriller. If Jackson can't beat it, a conviction could mean the end of his... Purple Rain. Black Purple Rain's Prince. It remains to be seen whether the prosecution can prove that Michael Jackson fondled this PYT. What the jury heard is that when it comes to prepubescent cancer victims, as far as

Michael Jackson is concerned, it doesn't matter if you're black or white. Is that good? 4.59. One minute to departure. Time to videotape Michael Jackson from a distance and yell questions at him. Michael, if you're guilty, keep walking! Got it! Good work, everyone. Good work. Well, let's get over the Phil Spector trial, okay?

Wacko's going down. All right, I'm buying the beers. ["The New York Times"] ["The New York Times"] We turn our attention now to legal matters. In the criminal justice system, there are three separate but equally important groups. The police, who investigate crime.

The district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. And the media who turn the whole thing into an ungodly cluster of ****. And it was mainly that last one on display in Santa Maria, California this morning as the Michael Jackson child molestation trial began. Over 1100 credentialed reporters are on hand covering the trial, more than twice as many as are stationed with U.S. troops in Iraq. Although to be fair, by all reports, there is a growing insurgency in Michael Jackson's pants.

As always, the media is disgusted with itself. We're going to preview what's sure to be a major media circus. It's going to be a media circus. I think a thousand media credentials have been issued. Norway, Spain, Ireland a major media circus. It's going to be a media circus. I think a thousand media credentials have been issued. Norway, Spain, Ireland, a media circus. There's a media circus. Hungarian TV is here. A huge media circus.

Media circus. This is truly an all-out war. Japan has five crews. Do you guys love the high-profile trials as much as we do? The media circus. Said two dwarves dressed as Raggedy Ann and Andy charged with comically falling into elephant droppings in the third ring. Don't demean us with that analogy. Today's opening statements followed last week's impaneling of a jury comprised of one Asian,

three Hispanics, and eight white people. A reasonably fair panel, given how hard it would have been to round up a jury of Jackson's actual peers. That was Gonzo! Gonzo couldn't get out of jury duty! The celebrity isn't limited to the defendant. Jackson's legal team is rumored to be preparing a star-studded lineup of character witnesses. They may include Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder, Elizabeth Taylor, Eddie Murphy, and even Jay Leno.

It's been known to take a pot shot at Jackson from time to time, specifically every night from 1130 to 1145, five days a week. Mr. Leno could not be reached for comment, though his band leader Kevin Eubanks released a statement saying, quote, can't be reached for comment, man. Ha ha. Ha ha. But of course, the big entertainment story,

the Michael Jackson trial with a verdict pending in the case. The singer was dramatically rushed to a hospital last night. Daily Show senior geologist Ed Helms has been covering the trial. He joins us now from California. Ed Helms, thanks so much for joining us. John, I'm outside the hospital where it has been reported that, that's right, John,

Jacko had an a-tacko in his backo. That's, that's very clever. Yes, yes, I understand he's filled his hospital room with his personal bric-o-bracco. Took it too far. Ed, that was very clever. How was Mr. Jackson hurt? There was a collision, John. Specifically, the collision between the innocent, eternal 10-year-old boy Jackson thought he was

and the disturbing 46-year-old boy Jackson thought he was and the disturbing 46-year-old semi-caucasian adult male he just found out he actually is. That's one of those where you're reading the court transcripts really gonna get you right there. So you're saying that Jackson's medical condition is really psychosomatic, essentially imaginary? No, John.

Jackson's back pain is real. It's his life that's been imaginary. Until now, Mr. Jackson had believed himself to be Captain EO, the planetary defender of childhood wonder, piggyback rides, and wishing trees. Imagine the trauma to his system upon learning he has no actual military rank whatsoever. And that Neverland is not the domain of the Lost Boys, but is in fact under the jurisdiction

of the Santa Barbara District Attorney's Office. But Ed, these epiphanies that Jackson is having, are they just bringing on a despondency, a sadness? Sadness, John, but also anger. I'm sure somewhere Jackson is thinking, hey, OJ killed two people and went free. Now they're going to put me away just for a couple of teenage reach-arounds?

Where's the justice, John? Ed, even if Jackson is found innocent, though, is there really any way for him to recover? Well ultimately John, if Jacko wants to avoid further flakko from the media packo, he's simply going to have to stop having young boys in the sacko. And also make sure there's no touching of his balls. John? Thank you very much.

Ed Helms everybody, live from California. of his balls. John? Thank you very much. Ed Helms, everybody, live from California. The last one doesn't even run. We begin tonight, of course, with the news that's dominated headlines ever since Friday afternoon's stunning announcement. Number one, not guilty for Martha Stewart on the conspiracy charge. That's count one, not guilty for Martha Stewart. There you have it, CNBC reporting Martha Stewart, not guilty.

Yes, in their gleeful rush to be the first to let you know if Martha Stewart's life would be crushed or not, some news organizations misinterpreted these incredibly sophisticated communiqués from their representatives. But the fact remains, Martha Stewart was found guilty Friday of four counts of obstructing justice, conspiracy, making false statements, and... poorly accessorized.

What is that? Stewart was charged... All right. Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Really? That makes you feel better? Please.

Stewart was charged not with insider trading, but rather with lying to protect herself from the insider trading charges she wasn't charged with. Damn you, Circular Logic! Throughout the trial, the press has behaved admirably, and that trend continued with their post-verdict coverage. How do you think Martha Stewart will be received being the fact that she's rich, she's famous, she's enormously successful, and by the way, she's a very attractive 62-year-old woman. May I say kudos to CBS. CBS is the early show.

That's the kind of female prison rape reference you're just not going to get on any old morning show. Prosecutor David Kelly hailed the verdict as a triumph of justice. The victims in this case is the entire American public who relies on the integrity of our system to make sure that justice is done and that they can invest their money safely and securely knowing that it's being handled honestly. He added, now if you'll excuse me I have to go arrest every single other person on Wall Street.

By the way, one thing that we should all know about this attorney, David Kelly, very proud of his left ear. Meanwhile, Stewart's attorney tried to look on the bright side of his failure. We are disappointed at the outcome. We look at this as having lost the first round. We look at this as an opportunity for us to go to the next round. It's not a conviction, it's an opportunity. In the meantime, of course, Martha will not be shipped off to prison, but rather relocated

to an exclusive gated community with its own private security force. Now the Stuart verdict was a big story when it came out on Friday, but imagine a nightmare world in which you'd been forced to wait for that verdict one minute longer. Well, thankfully, that horrific scenario never unfolded, thanks to reporters inside the courtroom who, despite a ban on cameras and cell phones, devised an accurate, foolproof system to notify their colleagues of the result. Yes, color-coded scarves and numbered signs!

Yee-haw! That was exciting. Look at me! I'm Edward R. Murrow! Loaded scarves and numbered signs. Yee-haw! That was exciting. Look at me, I'm Edward R. Murrow! Woo! Not the most dignified moment for America's press corps, though their actions did lead to the successful arrival at the courthouse of United Flight 441 from San Diego.

Okay. So the site of professional reporters running out of a courthouse waving their clothes in the air was a tad unseemly. But the important thing was it led to accurate reporting. Not guilty? All right. MSNBC did put up a not guilty graphic for a few seconds

while they tried to figure everything out. But CNBC, their news channel focused on finance. This was right up their alley. Plus, they were posted right across the street from the courthouse. I'm sure they got it right. Number one, not guilty for Martha Stewart on the conspiracy charge. That's count one. Not guilty for Martha Stewart. Count two. On count four, she is, that is, I'm sorry, Martha, on count three is guilty. That is the, is guilty Michael? I'm sorry. Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty.

Count five is not guilty. And let me just make sure, I want to make sure I get this absolutely right. That is against Peter Bikanovic He is not guilty on count five. That is the count of making false statements not guilty It's a tremendous mixed bag here false documents Okay, hang on. I'm being told that Peter Bikanovic is not guilty on the count of making and using false documents That was that at 60 Martha is guilty on count eight. I have just been told she is guilty on count eight,

but not guilty. Okay. All charges for Martha Stewart, I apologize. The confusion out here is immense. But now I'm being told that Martha Stewart is guilty on the conspiracy charge. Guilty of every single charge against her. So Frank, the cameraman here, if we could go over this one more time. Martha Stewart. Yes. Let me just interrupt you for one second. Not guilty on the count of making false statements. Not guilty on making and using false documents.

Guilty on the count of perjury, and guilty on the obstruction of justice charge. False statements. All right, Michael, thanks very much. I'm going to get you to hold on for just one second. As a seasoned observer of these kinds of trials, you know what he could have done to make things a little easier for himself? Put down the billboards and walk across the street

to the actual courthouse, you niggas! Now for more on the, for more on the trial and the way it was covered, we go to Daily Show senior correspondent Stephen Colbert live outside the courthouse here in New York. Stephen. John. Thanks for joining us. John, before we talk about the trial and the way it was covered, we go to Daily Show senior correspondent, Stephen Colbert, live outside the courthouse here in New York. Stephen. John.

Thanks for joining us. John, before we talk about the trial, I'd like to apologize to you. I know we agreed ahead of time that if the verdict was guilty, I would wave a red flag. And if it was innocent, wave a blue flag. But in the excitement of the moment,

I came out waving the severed head of a cat. Which obviously can be interpreted any number of ways. Sorry to have put you in that position. It won't happen again. Yeah, it won't happen again. Well, thank you, Stephen. Your apology is accepted, but let's move on to the trial house.

I should apologize to that woman I knocked over in my haste to report on this story, though in my defense, who parks their wheelchair at the top of the courthouse steps? You'd think an 80-year-old would know better. Anyway, my condolences to her family and to the families of those she struck on the way down. There's a lot of steps, John. That sounds like a terrible accident.

It was. But it brings up a good point, Stephen. The frantic rush amongst reporters to get this story out in the air, literally a millisecond or two before the other guys, was that urgency in any way necessary? No it wasn't, John, and it highlights a disturbing trend that's all too obvious in the media these days. The viewers are completely out of control. Did you say, I'm sorry, did you say the viewers?

Yes, John, I'm just as shocked as you at how aggressive the viewers have become. They're constantly beating us down with unrealistic demands for immediacy. I didn't take four years of journalism courses at five different community colleges just to jump around on some courthouse steps waving flags and cat heads like a maniac. This trial, like all too many these days, turned into just

another viewer's circus. Stephen, I just don't see how you can blame the viewers for any of this. Stop kidding yourself, John. They're out there right now watching us. Waiting for the next tidbit. What was her emotional estate? Are they real?

And if I don't deliver it, they'll just click around until you find somebody else, won't you, viewers? Oh, I can feel your eyes on me like dirty little hands pawing at my pockets, strip searching me for any little detail, no matter how irrelevant. Well, you can have your insatiable desire for sleaze. You can have your salacious rumors about Martha Stewart's private life.

And you can have it tomorrow night at seven on my special, Stephen Colbert Reports, Martha Stewart, Under the Linen. Remember, that's at 7. And again at 8. Well, that's... I'm sorry, Stephen, hold on. Stephen, are you getting more news about the trial? No, John, I'm actually just signaling the paramedics. Evidently, I'm standing on a baby.

John? Thank you very much. Steven Colbert, we'll be right back. ["The Daily Show Theme Song"] Martha Stewart, Public enemy number 752, was released from prison last Friday and has apparently been on television ever since. She is now under house arrest at her estate

in New York's Westchester County. We go now to Samantha B. Live outside of Martha Stewart's house. Samantha, thanks for joining us. Thank you, John. Thank you. Thank you. I've been camped out here since Martha Stewart entered her house on Friday.

If anything happens, I'm going to let you know. Has anything happened? Yes, John. Take a look at this shocking footage our cameras were able to capture just moments ago. I don't know where she's going and I can't see her feet, so I can't even tell you if Whoa. Whoa. I don't know where she's going, and I can't see her feet, so I can't even tell you if she's in heels or flats. Might be slippers. I'll keep you posted.

Why are you pointing your cameras into the woman's living room? That's intrusive, no? I just... I don't know, John. But perhaps Rob Cordray has some insight. He's standing by in the daily show Martha Center 2600. I'm sorry, the Martha what?

The Martha Center 2600, John. This will be our home base of operations during the entire house arrest. I'll be reviewing the footage taken by our fiber optic cameras, analyzing the thermal scans to pinpoint Martha's locations at all times, and sifting through the data collected by the Martha Stewart colonoscope. John, that's assuming, of course, that we can get it installed.

Now, John, in that footage you just saw, Martha passed by this windowed area here, obviously going from one side to the other. Perhaps there was something on the other end of the room she needed. A whisk or some polished gravel in a frosted vase or perhaps a set of bleached beeswax jelly jar candles. I don't know, it's too early to tell, John. Rob, aren't you supposed to be in Lebanon? John, did you know for the price of a flight to Lebanon,

you can get a whole Martha Center 2600? Yeah, or a two Martha Center 1300s? John, so easy. And all you need is a... Sorry, sorry, Rob. I've got some breaking news. I've just gotten word that the situation inside is developing. Let's go to our live feed and see what's happening.

Okay, looks like she's crossing back and we have lost visual. I repeat, we have lost visual. We are at code Vermillion. Mother Swan is on the move. Get me position alpha on screen. Position alpha on screen. Stat. Stat. Green team, green team. I need parabolics around the perimeter. Go!

The mother swan is on the move. Chopper 10, go. News man, go. Baby bird has left the nest. The groundhog is estivating. The groundhog is estivating. Okay, where are we, people? If I can't have visual, give me some audio. Pronto, go, go, go, go, go!

What? We have a wide shot on screen. Okay, stand down people. Condition normalized. Nice work everybody. Good work. Good work. So, John, you can see the drills have paid off. We're going to be right on top of this thing for the next five months.

Well, thank you both very much. Samantha Bee and Rob Cordray, we appreciate it. By now you've probably heard Michael Vick pleading guilty to charges relating to running an illegal dog fighting operation. The details of the story horrific. What happened to these animals tragic despite Vicks immediate denials. It seems he is guilty of acts of depravity and immorality. Leaving but one question in the mind of NBC's Sunday Night Sportscasters. We're looking at Michael Vick not showing up in the NFL again until 2010.

My God! That's almost 28 dog years from now. I guess because of how horrified the NFL is about the dog fighting, no doubt. Peter, what about the gambling though? The dog fighting might be the least of his concerns. Well, Chris... Yeah! You know, I used to enjoy the dog fighting. I'd bring the kids, have a little lunch, we'd make a picnic out of it. And then the gambling came along, eh, sully the whole thing. You said it absolutely right.

I'm told that the league is as concerned, maybe more so, about the gambling aspect of this than about the dogfighting. Are you sh*****g me? It's not the dogfighting, it's the gambling. So the league is less offended by dogfighting than it is by this. Really? I don't mind you killing each other, but there will be no betting. The worst thing actually isn't the gambling and it isn't the dog fighting, it's what

Vic could do next. Tiki, if he did that, if he did roll over on a current player, what impact would that have on his career once it's resumed? Someone will sign him, but he will be blackballed, he will not be welcomed in any NFL locker room if he bails on other players. He killed dogs with his bare hands! But he wouldn't bail on other players, would he? I'm told that Vic will not do this, that he's a loyal guy.

Well, you know, if it's loyalty that the NFL really wants, maybe they could just get a do... Oh. In the last couple of days, you may have heard the name Meek Mill in the news. And if you were just hearing it for the first time, you were probably thinking, Meek Mill, is that a gluten-free granola bar or something? You know, it's like here at Meek Mill, we only use the gentlest oats and berries. But no, Meek Mill is a big time Philadelphia rapper who just dropped a surprise release. Well known rapper Meek Mill,

who's imprisonment on gun and drug charges drew widespread protests, celebrated his freedom last night at an NBA game. Hours earlier, Pennsylvania's Supreme Court ordered the 30 year old's release. The court cited credibility problems with a key witness in his original trial 10 years ago. How do you feel? How do you feel?

I feel great. He met with comedian Kevin Hart in the locker room. I said, we home, no, Meek! Damn, who is Kevin Hart's agent? He's even starring in Meek Mill's prison release? He's everywhere. But this story really is great news, not just for Meek Mill,

but also for advocates of criminal justice reform, for Meek Mill, but also for advocates of criminal justice reform, because Meek Mill had become a symbol of a system that tries to keep people in prison rather than genuinely giving them a second chance. And Meek Mill's release wasn't the only good news for justice today. A verdict in the retrial of comedian Bill Cosby.

The man has now been found guilty on all charges against him. Guilty of sexual assault, three second-degree felonies, he faces the possibility of up to 30 years in prison for his crimes. Yep, Bill Cosby, guilty. So I guess once again, he's given us a classic, heartwarming ending.

So it's officially over for Bill Cosby now. I mean, because whether he goes to jail or not, the shameful title of sexual predator will hang over his head forever. So he can't do anything now, except maybe run for president. -♪ The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times. -♪ Harvey Weinstein, disgraced Hollywood producer and man who's somehow uglier on the inside.

His sexual assault trial has just begun here in New York, and Harvey is already on the inside. His sexual assault trial has just begun here in New York, and Harvey is already on the judge's bad side. Jury selection in Harvey Weinstein's sexual assault trial resumes today after some drama in court. The judge threatened to revoke the Hollywood producers' bail Tuesday because he kept using his phone in court.

The judge said, quote, "'Is this really the way you want to end up in jail?' By texting, Weinstein's team calls it a misunderstanding. Yeah, Harvey Weinstein got into trouble yesterday because he kept pulling his phone out in court. Because apparently he can't keep anything in his pants. I actually feel bad for the judge in this situation because you have to uphold the law

but then also be a middle school teacher. You know, it's just like, are you texting? Give me your phone. You spit out your gum. And damn it, I told you to stop jerking off, Harvey. Come on. I will tell you, this is how you know phones are addictive though.

This guy's on trial for his life and he's sitting in that courtroom like, I could go to prison forever. Yeah. Oh, I wonder what Disney character I am. Oh, let's see. Oh, Ursula, I should have known. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] Oh, let's see. Oh, Ursula, I should have known. -♪

Let's move on from people celebrating their freedom to someone who's going to be losing his for a long time. Disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein has been found guilty of rape in the third degree and of committing a criminal sexual act in the first degree. The jury acquitted him on three other charges, including the most serious of predatory sexual assault. Throughout the whole process, he kept saying,

I didn't do this, I didn't do this. But of course, now he faces five to 25 years in prison, at least with more possibly coming with additional charges, new charges out in Los Angeles. Yes, people, it's official. Harvey Weinstein is going to prison, which is crazy because he really looks like he's been in prison for 25 years.

Seriously, Weinstein is not gonna do well in prison, partly because other prisoners already don't like sex offenders, but they really don't like some of Harvey Weinstein movies. Yeah, they're gonna come up to him in the prison yard like, I wasted $9 on Mansfield Park. That shit was a disgrace to Jane Austen. You know what would be funny?

Is if they lock up Weinstein in the same cell as Bill Cosby. Yeah, because then I can tell you then, no one is falling asleep in that cell. You go to sleep. No, you go to sleep. No, you go to sleep. No, you go to sleep. No. Explore more shows from The Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever

you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show, weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. Paramount Podcasts. You're listening to an iHeart Podcast.