The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | Censorship

Episode Date: November 15, 2025

Strap in for [REDACTED] as The Daily Show speaks its mind on censorship. Ed Helms investigates the investigators at a censored university press. Michael Kosta meets the most prolific book banner in Florida. Trevor Noah reads into the banning of books in Texas, and the attempts to banish liberal curriculum in schools. Hasan Minaj goes Hasan the Record about free speech, and Trevor takes a look at big tech's attempts to balance free speech and online censorship in the social media age. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Clearly, television is dominating in the world of emotional unbalanced news. But what about the state of investigative journalism in this country? Well, our own investigative journalist, Ed Helms, investigates. A free and vigorous press is crucial to any democracy, as long as reporters remember their place. But too often investigative journalists are overzealous, nosy, or make us look at things we don't feel like seeing. Still, some defend this despicable practice. Well, investigative reporting is valuable in that you're getting at the stories beneath the surface,

busting down doors, calling people, insisting on finding out the truth. Meet Rutgers University journalism student Frady Reese, so seduced by the glamour of news, she took an investigative reporting class. So the story I chose was treatment of athletes at the university. You'd think reporting the fact that Rutgers actually has an athletic department would be tough. Am I right? I found that athletes are, as one might guess, getting perks that other students are not a privy to. So what?

Well, if you were a student at Rutgers University, would you want to know about that? No. As you can imagine, Frady's expose caused quite a flap. John Pavlik, head of the Rutgers Journalism School. I think flap is a perfect characterization of it. There was flap. The athletic department tried to have the article censored, a move that didn't sit well with the chairman. John Pavlik freaked out. He tried to counsel the entire class.

entire class. He later compromised and said, well, you can teach the class as long as students don't write about anything that has to do with the university. It seemed like a logical response to Frady's whistleblowing article. Oh, well, we didn't actually change it in response to her article. You know, after this, you know, her story got rejected. Subsequent to that, we changed the focus of the class. I wanted to get the students off campus to get them some greater, some broader experience covering

the community, get them down to City Hall, things like that. that. Do you really expect me to buy that? Because I do. But that didn't end the controversy. Media throughout New Jersey and beyond started laughing at John Pavlik. Writing headlines that played right into the shrewd professor's hands. We got a lot of headlines.

We haven't had the involvement of the media, the journalism community, so this was just a stroke of luck for us to get that kind of coverage. It's like that whole Enron thing. Ken Lay never had that kind of publicity. Uh, well, uh... Pavlik has just the huevos that journalism needs. Investigative reporting is a scourge.

It's nice to see someone finally cracking down. Trying to fix, uh, trying to fix, uh, like trying to, you know, you get a broken axle. You want to fix it before you go any further. And we'll just keep plowing ahead, make things worse. Does that make any sense? Do you want to start this interview over again? Why? Why?

Why? As for Frady, she still didn't get the investigative journalism game. Perhaps an old pro could show her the ropes. Ready? Let's do this. You guys ready? Come on. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh, I need to talk to the athletic director right now.

Uh, he's actually in a meeting. Okay. Sorry. Thanks. He's in a meeting, okay? He's in a meeting. That is how you do it! Let's get out of here. But if censorship and setting a good example didn't work for Frady, I had one last chance to get her to change her ways. Frady, I don't want to scare you,

but you need to know that if you continue down this path of investigative journalism, you could become that. Is that what you want? Years of finding things out has turned him into that. Look at that. Is that what you want? It's hideous. Sorry to bother you.

Big fan. Big fan. Next stop, the Rutgers Business School, where I'm going to teach them the beauty of using dummy corporations. Book banning fever is sweeping America, but is it possible that book banning may not be great? Michael Costa has more. Water skiing while intoxicated,

mentioning climate change in government records, reading Maya Angel. in public schools. These are all things that are banned in Florida. That last one is because in March 2022, Ron DeSantis signed the Curriculum Transparency Bill, which made it easier for anyone to request that any number of books be removed

from public school libraries. And if there's things like pornography, the parents have a right to say it should be removed from the school. One individual has made more use of the law than anyone else in Florida. conservative activist and dirty bookworm, Bruce Friedman. You are the number one book banner in the number one state of book banning.

You're the Michael Jordan of book banning. Well, in the last two years, I challenge more than one book every calendar day. How many challenges have you made, what did you say? Over 900. So let me ask what your qualifications are for determining this. Do you have a doctorate in literature? No. Do you have a degree in child education and media?

No. So why are you the arbiter? A book with blatant sexual activity and over-the-top grotesque excessive profanity? Mm-hmm. Doesn't belong in any of our schools. That's what this is. I hate profanity. Let me offer a counter.

The internet, phones, lyrics and songs, movies. Sure. Do you think kids aren't seeing that shit? What does it take to control what's coming at your children? Desire. You have to want it. Okay. And do you have kids in the school system? Yes. You do. He's not allowed in the public school library, so it doesn't matter.

Hold on. Your son doesn't use the library at school. That is correct. It's polluted. So you're doing all of this work for all the other kids? Correct. That's right. Bruce is so good at protecting his own kid that he needs an even bigger challenge, protecting other people's kids. But how do those parents feel about it? What is the big deal about having a random man named Bruce determine which books your kids read?

I want my children exposed to different mindsets, different points of view. So if some random person tells me that, no, this is not how you should parent your children, I have a problem with that. First of all, when we're talking about anything that involves sex at all, it's not children, it's teenagers. These are in high schools. And that's what so many of these book challenges do. They take issues of racism, discrimination, sexual assault,

and they label them as pornographic just because it makes it easier to remove the book. And he brags about having a list of over 5,000 books that he wants out of our schools. Are there even 5,000 books? Yes. In the world? I'm not a big reader.

So as Bruce protecting innocent kids are forcing his own beliefs on others? To resolve that question, I'd have to do that question I'd have to do the one thing I had sworn never to do, join a book club. We've all read this book. Not me. I know why the Caged Bird sings. Written by Maya Angelou, Maya Angelou is a poet, laura, f***ed that part.

She wrote porn. But I know a pornographic book. Really? Because it's like, and his, his, his, and he shoots all over her. All of those would be disqualifying content. Right. But that's not what Maya Angelou is, I know why the Cage Bird. It's pornography. The content violates law.

So Bruce would rather the Caged Bird just shut up. And some of his other targets are even more surprising and particular. Okay, mixed. A colorful story. Two male characters getting married. That's it. Oh yeah. Look at their big old dicks.

Those two. They happen to be male if you read the rest of the crowd. Okay, so they're getting married. And then here's the most offensive part. Look what happens here. They have a green baby. What do they do? Shit it out of their butt hole?

That's their problem. I don't want to get lost in the mechanics. All right, so what happened to the challenge? Failed. It was appealed. And you immediately appealed? That's what I do. So, in your opinion, there's an alien creature in this book, and it's neither male nor female,

and you believe it's part of a greater agenda. That is correct. I'm thinking of a person. Is it a boy? Nope. Is it a girl? Nope. Is it me?

Is it you? Okay. Now I'm thinking of a planet. If your child was unclear on their sex, how would you resolve the issue? But this is not the issue. No, it's not. I don't even know what the f*** you're talking about by challenging this. Okay.

And it fails, and we move on. Right, but it did fail the challenge, and you immediately appealed it. Right. I always do. Anything that fails a challenge, I file an appeal. And due to Florida law, books are removed while the challenge is appealed. So the little perverts who get off on colored blobs and Star Wars aliens are out of luck. But there is a cost attached to Bruce's relentless drive.

We have spent more time and resources on Bruce Friedman than any other person. person in the history of Clay County. And how are you personally affected by Bruce Friedman? Well, essentially, I was the only librarian in the district who was speaking out against the book banning, and I guess I got to be too much trouble, and they decided to have me removed from the library. So Bruce had you banned? Maybe.

I guess you could say that. Yeah, Bruce's campaign has been so effective. He's not only been removing books. and money from the school's budget, but also people from the library. But even Ron DeSantis may be questioning this strategy for helping Florida children. Earlier this year, the governor signed a new bill limiting the amount of challenges any one person can submit. It's been mentioned that it might cost $100 to challenge a book. Yeah.

Would that deter you? Nothing's going to stop me. Bruce, do you think you'll one day write a book about this experience? Sure. And would that book be banned from a public school I've read? Hi, I'm Sophia Loper Carroll, host of the Before the Chorus podcast. We dive into the life experiences behind the music we love. Artists of all genres are welcome, and I've been joined by some pretty amazing folks,

like Glass Animals. I guess that was the idea, was to try something personal and see what happened. And Japanese breakfast. I thought that the most surprising thing I could offer was an album about joy. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, and remember, so much happens before the chorus. This story is about America's favorite pastime, the culture wars. Ooh, they're back, baby.

You see, every few months, especially before elections, politicians in this country, they have to find a reason to rile people up so that they can drum up support and distract voters from the fact that they haven't solved any of their real problems. Yeah, I know the brink. just keep collapsing, and I know you don't have jobs, but we got to focus on the real threat. People are using the wrong bathrooms. Vote for me.

And what always happens is the same, right? The problems pop up. And then after the elections, everything's magically not a problem anymore. Yeah, like remember kneeling during the anthem? Huge problem before the elections, huge! Then after the election, suddenly it's over. Nah, even Eminem can do it.

Yeah. The war on Christmas every year. Huge problem. Huge. Then the elections, and then suddenly we can say Merry Christmas again. Oh. Remember when Mr. Potato Head lost his penis? Then the election came.

And now he's got a huge hog. Biggest one you've ever seen. It's kids in the eyes with it. Bap, Bap! Mr. Potato Head's back. Well, now we're getting close to another election. So that means it's time to find out what the latest fight is all about. In another installment of Culture Wars, Moral Combat.

Culture Wars. World Combat. So, the new culture war raging across America is over books, aka movies without the cool sound effects. Yeah, I always think the movies are better. We're going to read a book and then I

got to do it myself. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, said Harry Potter. Now, even though most kids only read books in school to hide their erections, some parents and politicians have suddenly gotten very concerned about which books are available in schools. And they're dearly, with this problem that they invented, by the way,

in a time-honored way with a good old-fashioned book ban. According to the New York Times, the pace at which groups of parents and officials and lawmakers are challenging books in school libraries has reached a speed that many haven't seen in decades. Just since the start of the school year, the American Library Association has tracked more than 230 book challenges nationwide.

Parents and school officials banning books at an unprecedented rate, record requests to nearly 100 Texas districts found that during the first four months of this school year, parents made at least 75 formal complaints compared to only one file during the same period last year. A Virginia school district is filling library books off of the shelves, and some board members say they want to burn them. I want to look at every book that you guys, a copy of every book that is brought, pulled out of circulation. I'm sure we've got hundreds of people out there that would like to see those books before we're. We burn them.

They want to burn books? Burn books. We're not in the 1900s. We're living in 2022. We shouldn't be burning books. We have air fryers and microwaves and all kinds of cool shit now. We could be like filleting the books.

You know, we could be lightly roasting the books. Put some butter and some salt. Ooh, you taste that book now? That's food for thought. See what I did there? But yeah, that's the situation right now. Parents across the country are trying to get books banned from certain schools, right? And I'll be honest, if I was a kid in school right now,

I would jump in and use this outrage to my advantage. Yeah, the parents would all be there like, we have to get these books off the shelves. Yeah, and don't forget the trigonometry textbooks and the yearbook where I had that weird rash on my face, burn them all. Now, I'll be honest, people, I don't know if these culture warriors have thought this through, because making something forbidden just makes teenagers want it more. Think about it. Any time, any time parents would say something would make them mad, what would happen? Their kids would want to do it even more.

Yeah, now they're going to be like, no books for these kids. You keep this up and soon, reading books is going to be the new dating a black guy. And look, they have always been, don't get me wrong. They've always been some parents who've wanted books pulled from schools and libraries. That's always been a thing. You know, like conservatives wanted to ban Harry Potter for promoting witchcraft. Liberals want to ban Huckleberry Finn for using the N-word. Mockingbirds want to burn that book about killing them.

But recently, recently, the number of books being targeted has gotten out of control. And the types of books that are being targeted now are very revealing. Books on race, gender, and sexuality are disappearing from school shelves. Books about coming of age and reckoning with real world problems like depression, gender politics, and racial injustice, history like the Holocaust or slavery. One Tennessee district banning mouse, a Pulitzer Prize winning graphic. novel about the Holocaust. One tells a story of school segregation

to the eyes of Mexican-American students. One is about the march on Washington, and two are about civil rights icon Ruby Bridges. One parent even asked the district to remove a biography of Michelle Obama, arguing the book promotes reverse racism. The district denied the request. I can't believe

these people want to ban a Michelle Obama biography. It's a biography. That totally gives away the game that this is more about ginning up a culture war than protecting kids. Because once you're banning a book about any first lady, that's political.

I don't care what anybody says. There's no book about a first lady that's controversial, unless maybe it's like Martha Jefferson's book, 101 tips for owning slave children who kind of look like my husband. Yeah, that's a little edgy for the kids, but otherwise, it's pretty chill. And you can see how crazy this book banning trend has gotten, right?

They're banning books about race, about gender, about sexuality, about emotions, about history. Guys, that's all books. Think about it. You take away all of those books, and what are you going to be left with? Huh? A how-to book about making pottery?

Wrong! That vase is too sexy. I also can't believe that they're going to ban Ruby Bridges. You understand how crazy that is? You're going to ban a book about Ruby Bridges. So that poor girl needed the National Guard to get her into school, now they're going to have the National Goddess escorts her out. And look, I'm not saying that schools shouldn't be allowed to curate what books

they carry. I'm not saying that. I know people are going to say, you're saying that the schools shouldn't get to decide for themselves. No, I'm not saying, I'm exactly not saying that. But you are saying, I'm not saying that. Libraries have always decided which books are in and which books are not in. Like you can't have a playboy in the school library. I mean, I did it, but I brought it in myself. They didn't stock it for me. They just gave me the space to read it. But I guarantee you, the vast majority of schools don't even have the most outrageous books that are on these lists. What's happening here, what's happening here is that people are finding the most scary parts of the most scary books, and then they're making

a bad faith argument that kids are being bombarded with all of this stuff, so all the books have to go. And that happens even if you try and talk about books. Like, if I say books shouldn't be banned, I know someone's going to pull out the most extreme example from some random library at a school and be like, oh, really, Trevor, you're okay with kids reading this? And I don't know. Maybe I'm not.

But now we're arguing about one page in one book as if that's a little. the story, when the actual story is people are using these books as an excuse to go after all the books that they don't like. Because again, people, this isn't about books, all right? This is about keeping the culture war going for political benefits. You don't just have Republicans in dozens of states around the country suddenly realizing all at the same time that there are books that they want to ban in their libraries all at the same time. Come on. It's happening because they think it's a winning issue. Or at least they think it's more of a winning issue than Trump is secretly still the president.

But I am, shut up, you're going to make us lose. And the problem with waging a culture war, instead of debating a political issue, is that when people are fighting a war, they don't want to just win an argument. No, they want to punish the enemy. In Wyoming, a county prosecutor's office considered charges against library employees

for stalking books like sex is a funny word, and this book is gay. In Oklahoma, a bill sets a 10 $10,000 bounty to be collected by parents for each day a challenged book remains on library shelves. Texas Governor Greg Abbott called for criminal charges against staff who provide kids with pornographic books. School librarians fearing for their own safety now over books. Many of us have had to take measures in our personal lives that we never would have imagined we had to do because of our profession. Wow, people, are you seeing this?

You've seen this, like, this is the interview, an insider gives when they're ratting out El Chapo. Not when they've exposed the magical friendship between a pig and a spider. I mean, just think about how insane things have gotten where school librarians feel scared for their safety. They've got these crazy parents coming off to them on top of all the other stuff that they have to worry about

on a daily basis. School shootings, COVID, their students finding out that they just made up the Dewey Decimal System to sound smarter than everyone else. This book is by Doctor. Is that under S? No, actually, that book's in 791.45-7-5, you idiot. And look, man, it's one thing for parents to be upset about a book that their kid is reading

at school. But once you offer a $10,000 bounty, think about what you're doing there. Now, you're using money to just try and stir up shit. I mean, of course, people are going to start combing the shelves for anything that might pay out. 10 grand is a lot of money. 10 grand for banning a book is more than most authors made for writing that book. So that's the latest culture war that's tearing America apart.

It's happening in schools. And who knows if it'll even stop there? Because maybe it'll start in schools, but pretty soon, any place the kids go to to find books could become a target. Hey, y'all, Lovar Burton here, and I am so excited to read with you today. Her first selection is called Rosa. And it's the story of Rosa Parks who... So, as it turns out, that book is banned because reading about segregation is divisive.

But since almost any book with black people these days is considered divisive, here's one that doesn't have any people in it at all. about two penguins and their little baby. Both penguins are boys. Well, I'm told that that book is also banned because of sexual perversion, which is weird because there's no sex in the book at all. Y'all, they adopted the baby.

What do you guys want? A mommy and a daddy penguin so the kids can make sure that the penguins are knocking boots? All right, I've got one that they can't possibly. possibly have a problem with. Hop on pop. What? Disrespectful to parents?

You gotta be kidding me. All right, listen, there are plenty of books to choose from. But you know what? No. Read the books they don't want you to. That's where the good stuff is. Oh shit. They're coming.

Read band books! Stay safe, LeVar. Simons has your holiday outfits sorted. Be ready to wow in a wardrobe design to celebrate the season. Revel in luxurious velvet, shimmering satin, elegant silhouettes and sparkling details. Whether you're going full glam or keeping a casual, you're sure to shine bright in our festive party wear, no matter the dress code. Just RSVP yes and let style carry you into the new year with Simons. When holiday prep means cleaning every corner, reach for Pine Sole original pine.

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the place where you get rid of all your extra apples. Right now, there's a big movement among conservatives to protect children from being exposed to liberal ideas in school. Ideas like racism is bad, or gays are not bad. And you know, it's almost like conservatives learned too much about cancel culture and accidentally got really into it. You know, like sort of how when you start hate watching a real housewife,

show and then seven seasons later, all of a sudden, you're like, I know Ramona and Sonia say their best friends, but would you talk about your best friend like that behind their back? Come on! Yeah, I hate that show. And now, this issue has been injected into the Virginia governor's race with a striking new TV ad from Republican candidate, Glenn Yankin. As a parent, it's tough to catch everything. So when my son showed me his reading assignment, my heart sunk.

It was some of the most explicit material you can imagine and met with lawmakers. They couldn't believe what I was showing them. Their faces turned bright red with embarrassment. They passed bills requiring schools to notify parents when explicit content was assigned. I was so grateful. But then Governor Terry McCullough vetoed it twice. He doesn't think parents should have a say. He said that.

He shut us out. Whoa. What were these kids reading? Was this first grader reading 50 Shades of Gray? Was it like a little coloring in book of dickpicks? No. It turns out it was actually the Pulitzer Prize-winning Tony Morrison novel, Beloved.

And also, it wasn't a young kid. It was a high school senior in an AP English class. And I'm sorry, guys. But any parent who thinks their 17-year-old son's school assignment is too explicit. They need to check out his browser history because trust me, he can handle it. And this shows you that the real dangerous ideology

in America isn't conservatism or liberalism. It's helicopter parenting. I mean, an AP class is basically a college course. Like, how long is this lady going to be trying to protect her kid? Huh? This poor guy's going to have his mom bust into his dorm room. Like, don't make him chogs. He'll get an owie and he's tum-tum.

Here's my problem. Banning so-called offensive books is a slippery slope because what's offensive is subjective. Like, what might bother one parent might not bother another, and vice versa. Like, I would never want my kid reading the Great Gatsby. I think it glamorizes friend zoning.

That's immoral. When Donald Trump was first elected, one of the biggest fears was that he would get everybody into a war. Like, we didn't know if it would be with Iran or Australia, but we all knew that it was coming. It turns out, Trump's first big war is with a book.

President Trump was venting again today, possibly taking a swipe at Michael Wolfe's new book. Here's what do you have to say. Our current libel laws are a sham and a disgrace and do not represent American values or American fairness. So we're going to take a strong look at that. We want fairness. You can't say things that are false, knowingly false, and be able to smile as money pours into your bank account. Seriously?

Say false things as money pours into your bank account. That's the story of Donald Trump's whole life. It was the motto of his fake university. But Trump is going to have a problem making it harder for people to criticize him because one of America's founding, principles is freedom of speech. It's the one thing the whole country believes in.

Or do they? Hassan Minaj has more. You know, I thought my next Hassan the record would be about this guy. Colin Kaepernick kneeling. Get that son of a bitch off the field. But then I thought maybe you'd be about this. Very disturbing photo shoot. But then this happened. Then I thought, wait a second, it should really be about this. We're going to open up the libel laws. So when they write falsely, Shut up, you guys, you're all talking about the same thing. Free speech. The First Amendment. But there's one thing America's startup dads didn't think of.

What if speaking your truth meant saying stuff like this? Go back to Africa. Or this. Go to Ashwax. So what's up, America? Do you really love free speech or do you not? But should you? You're Hassan the record.

Now, usually we think of people on the right as the ones wanting to curtail our freedom of expression. Players have the right for free speech off the field. Frankly, disgusting the way the press is able to write whatever they want to write. Uh, check your blood pressure, cause you're salty, bro. But with actual Nazis marching in the streets like it's Berlin back in 19-Hurruna, many on the left

are like, hold my beer, by which I mean free speech. I don't like what you have to say. Those on the left have no tolerance for diversity in opinion. the left? Not my woke base. Violent protest erupting overnight at UC Berkeley. The campus locked down as more than a thousand people rallied against the appearance of a controversial editor from Breitbart. Look at this place. Look at it. Why cause all this? Like seriously? It doesn't matter. We learn by talking. We learn about listening. Yeah, you tell them, backpack guy. College campuses are supposed to be about free expression and racist-themed frat

parties. Accurate. But now, college students have tried to stop far-right people from just speaking. This is the one time where I'm totally cool with calling these kids snowflakes. Especially you, Snowflake O'Brien. She later changed her name to Rain Drop O'Brien. Climate change, bruh. Here's the problem.

If we all start forbidding so-called hate speech, it turns the First Amendment into a popularity contest, just like my high school student council election. We never got root beer in those water fowls, Rodrigo. Empty promises, Rodrigo! The only people who get to talk are the ones who agree with the people who get to say what hate speech even is.

But who is that people? This year, maybe it's your side. Next year, maybe it's Republican legislators saying Black Lives Matter is the same as white supremacists. So what do we want, Menager's? If we don't want to limit free speech, but we still got those pesky Nazis marching in the streets, what do we want to do?

Let's ask a country known for its sense of humor. Germany. You know how Germans are hilarious. Germany's most involuntary walk-a-thon. The Nazis against Nazis' campaign officially gets underway. This is March of Dimes for racists. Instead of protesting, local businesses and residents sponsored the Nazis.

They put up giant pink banners welcoming them to the Nazis against Nazis walk-a-thon, and they donated cash so that the longer the Nazis walked, the more money went to an anti-Nazi program. So maybe that's the key. These guys are real-life trolls, and if you want to get rid of trolls, you have to out-troll them. So let's learn from the Germanians. And instead of stopping our shithead opponents from speaking, use some ideological judo. OK, here's some ideas.

Start your own Tiki Torch company and secretly fill them up with mosquito pheromones. Instead of punching white supremacist Richard Spencer in the head, dump a bucket of glitter on him, because nothing gets glitter out. Make Confederate memorials the hot new destination for gay weddings. That floral arch is straight fire, my dudes.

As Martin Luther King Jr. once said, if you can't beat him, troll them. Think about it, you guys. Really think about it. To all my Hassanabees out there, we restock them inapsacks on hasandrecker.com. They're soft, they're plushy, and they're made with my real hair.

Hmm, lunchtime. I found a ninth hole on the human body, and I'll tell you about it on the next Hassan the record. It's week two of Canadian Tire's early Black Friday sale. These prices won't go lower this year. So you're lying on the floor? Save up the 50% November 13th to 20th.

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Facebook is giving out our secrets. Screen time is hurting our kids. Our Roombas are seducing our cats. But at least, at least there's one dating app that's trying to do something good. The dating app Bumble is launching a private detector feature that can automatically detect crude images and warn you. The feature is part of a safety initiative expected to launch in June.

Bumble already has measures in place to protect users by blurring all images by default, but recipients have to hold down the photo to view it. Yeah, let that sink in, people. Bumble has had to write a program to censor dickpicks because men will not stop sending them. I honestly feel bad for women. I really do. No, because especially, because Bumble was supposed to be the safe dating app, right?

Because on Tinder, you get a match, and then guys would be like, dick pick, right? But then on Bumble, women make the first move. So it's like, match. And it's like, hello, John. Nice to meet you. And John's like, dick pick! Like, just wait, just wait.

Let them ask for the dick. And as offensive as sending a dick pick is, I feel really bad for the guys whose dick picks make it through the filter. Yeah, that's a really bad way to find out you've got a weird dick. When the filter's like, oh, oh, damn. Oh, I thought there was a thumb.

My, yo, you need to get that checked out, man. Oh, I'm sorry. There's no question that the reputations of big tech companies have taken a hit in recent years. I mean, for instance, Facebook used to be the place where you reconnect with old high school friends and then block them when you discover that they're married. But then in the last few years,

it's become the Internet's top destination for people who believe the moon landing was faked to cover for the JFK assassination. And now it seems like Facebook has recognized what it's become, and they're finally taking steps to put an end to one of the biggest problems. Facebook says it is now removing all accounts associated with the right-wing conspiracy movement known as QAnon. Those accounts have become hubs for wild internet rumors and disinformation campaigns. Now it says it's removing all Q&N accounts on both Facebook and Instagram.

It's a serious blow to the QAnon internet conspiracy campaign that most Americans would say sounds completely crazy that big-name Democrats, Hollywood stars, and the mega-rich are actually child-trafficking pedophiles who kill children in satanic rituals. Okay, okay, you know one? Good for Facebook for doing this. Although part of me is a little worried

that it's too little too late. I mean, Facebook is like that bar that decides to hire a bouncer after its hundred and twenty-third stabbing. Because people, QAnon has become so widespread that basically every Facebook group, right now is a Q&ON group. Even your grandma's knitting group is like,

today we're learning a new needlepoint pattern. Do you like it? Now, of course, for Q&N followers, this whole thing is just gonna reinforce their belief that big tech is censoring them because they're also in on the conspiracy, which is ridiculous. No one at Facebook is eating babies, okay?

Because without babies, boom, that's 90% of Facebook posts gone. So look, I'm glad that Facebook is trying to shut down these groups. but to be honest, I'm skeptical that it's going to work because when it comes to monitoring content on their platform, they don't exactly have the best track record. Facebook apparently thinks this ad is too risque for its users. Gaze Speed Company in Canada got this notification about its onions.

According to Facebook, the placement of the vegetable was overtly sexual. Okay, what clearly happened here is that the algorithm that's supposed to detect sexy stuff got confused. Or who knows? Maybe it did it on purpose. In which case, who are we to shame it? Love who you love, algorithm. You don't let the people judge you. But this is why you need an actual human involved in these decisions.

Because no human would think an onion is sexy. Like, you've ever seen an onion? You know, it's just like it's round and it's firm and juicy and it's got all those layers that come off. And just get hot in here? Yeah. Oh, man, I need to get out of the house. And there are other changes coming to social media, too. For example, Instagram.

You know, the app that you use for stalking your Tinder date? Well, if your feed has become a little toxic, here's something that might calm things down. Instagram says it will start hiding negative comments in posts. It's an effort to reduce bullying and harassment. After a user writes a potentially offensive comment, a warning will pop up before it's posted saying, This may go against our guidelines.

Users will have to click the View Hidden Comments button to see the negative comment. All right. That's what I'm talking about. Thank you, Instagram. This is a great step. I think everyone can agree. You don't want to go on Instagram and see hate-filled messages.

I know I don't want that. I want to go on Instagram and see sexy onions. Buts, I mean butts, not onions, not onions. I'm a normal man that likes butts. At the same time, I'm a little worried that hiding negative comments behind a warning is just going to make people want to click on them even more. Oh, you don't want to see this comment.

This was such a great burn. We had to hide it. I mean, God damn! This was a sick burn. Don't look, don't look. It's too good. Like, here's one of the problems with this policy. Can it pick up tone?

Half the time, someone comments brave under a picture. I'm pretty sure that it's just a form of bullying. Oh, my God. It was so brave of you to put that picture up of yourself. What do you mean brave, dude? That was just like my face. Yeah, so brave. But you know what?

As long as Instagram is going to be cracking down, how about they find a way to punish those people who post a thousand stories at once? You've got all those little tiny white dots at the top of your screen, like a game of fucking Pac-Man. Yeah, I want to see how your day is going, not watch the Peter Jackson director's cut of your life.

Highlights, people, highlights. And finally, there's also a change coming to emojis. And this one is all about keeping up with the coronavirus. Something to leave you with a smile today. Apple is upgrading its mask emoji. This new masked emoji covers a smile. So the facial feature matches the smiley emoji. The old mask had just two slits for eyes.

Apple has not commented on why it upgraded the design to the one that now has a little bit more cheerful disposition. Yes, they now have an emoji for people who are happy to be wearing a mask. And what's also cool is that they have an emoji for people who protest masks because they love freedom. Now look, they say that this emoji is smiling, but it doesn't really look like it's smiling.

know if it's smiling, which I guess makes it really realistic. Because think about it, for the last few months, we've been walking around with these masks. No one can tell what your expression actually is. Yeah, you're trying to smile with your eyes, but to the other person, some freaky shit is going on under there. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

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