The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | Cinco de Mayo

Episode Date: May 5, 2025

Time for the best holiday no one in America actually knows the meaning of! Grab a margarita, put on a culturally insensitive hat, and spend this Cinco de Mayo with Jon Stewart and The Daily Show. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Besides all the problems that we were discussing in the first act, the country is also facing a tremendous amount of immigration issues. How realistic are the proposed solutions? Jason Jones filed this report. Arizona's new immigration law requires police to question anyone they reasonably suspect of being an illegal immigrant. But how exactly do you spot illegals I went out on May 5th to find out what would you think constitutes reasonable

suspicion. Reasonable suspicion, I would say it. They don't speak English. It's a little bit of this little bit of this a little bit of Corona. So what would you perceive the legal immigrants look like. Maybe they be wearing sombreros or drinking

or spicy food or speaking broken English drinking for single day drink. Oh Oh my god, suspicious behavior was everywhere. But how do you go about determining who is illegal? So what's your name, Umbray? Rich. Syverson? Rich. Yes. Sure it is. It is. How'd you get here? I walked. You walked? You walked all the way here? Yeah, from my work. What, picking strawberries? How did you get here? I grabbed a cab from Penn Station. So a foreigner smuggled you in the back of his car all the way here?

A foreigner? No, I took a cab from Penn Station. Of course, establishing reasonable suspicion is just the first step. I'm going to need to see your papers. I don't have my wallet on me. I'm from the United States. Oh, really? Yes. Prove it.

How do I prove it? Which amendment protects citizens from unreasonable searches and seizures? Seventh. Check this out. Guys, guys, unreasonable search and seizures. What amendment? Guano! That's a bunch of Johnny Americans in there. If our politicians don't have the courage to do what they did in Arizona, then our streets will be overrun by laziness and loud ethnic music.

All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies. However, we must tread carefully because illegals are on a hair trigger. Anything can set them off. You being illegal immigrants. Are you kidding? I was about to drop my fucking drum here. Now it's a college. What the fuck are you talking about illegal immigrants?

Fuck you, man. There you have it. The true face of illegal immigration. Rude. Ah. It turns out there is a line you can't cross. There you have it the true face of illegal immigration. It turns out there is a line you can't cross as an illegal do you feel your rights are being infringed upon.

Sadly if illegals continue to enter the country at will. The American values we hold so dear will be destroyed. But the most important lesson is. Never ask a mariachi band if they know any Beyoncé. All the same names, all the same names. On Saturday, President Obama officially kicked off his re-election campaign with a rally at Virginia Commonwealth University. Would the youth be as excited for Obama 2012 as they were for Obama 08?

We sent Al Madrigal to investigate. The youth vote. It helped push Obama over the top in 2008. So it's no surprise he officially kicked off his 2012 campaign at Virginia Commonwealth University. But will the youth vote be a problem this time around? Is there a vulnerability for the president in firing up young people in this economy? It's the beginning of the end for the relationship between young people and the president.

From what we saw at this pre-speech campaign rally just down the street from VCU, as of May 5th, 2012, Young Obama supporters are fired up and ready to go. I'm fired up and past ready to go. Are you really committed to this effort? Yeah, I'm really committed. We got to get him on! Do you think you can keep this enthusiasm up until November? I think I can because I'll drink Corona like it's water, drink Bud Light like it's water, drink Vodka like it's water, drink vodka like it's water, tequila like it's water.

Can you keep it up until November? Oh, absolutely. Are you kidding me? I come here all the time. I'm f***ing fired up. Are you pumped up because you think Barack Obama will finally be able to not worry about this combative Congress and he can actually be progressive in his theoretical second term? I smell weed. be progressive in his theoretical second term.

I smell weed. Surprisingly, despite a dark and uncertain future, these students have managed to stay hopeful with simple remedies. Are you worried about tomorrow? No, Tylenol and water. My future starts Monday. My weekend starts on Friday. I gotta get up. I really don't have to worry about a hangover because I don't get drunk. Riding this wave of enthusiasm, I left the unofficial rally and arrived at the main event, expecting to see the same passion and energy. And this. And this. Party shirts.

But no party. This place has no enthusiasm. I mean, I was at this other Obama rally that had dancing, tequila shots, karaoke. Was it a Cinco de Mayo party?

No, it wasn't a f**king Cinco de Mayo party. dealer shots, karaoke. Was it a San Cristomayo party? No, it was a ****ing San Cristomayo party. Don't have fancy moppets, fuck, silver packs. **** your problem, man. I was sick of the cynics. I went back down the street where voters are energized and engaged with issues that really matter. What issues are important to you? Make marijuana illegal.

If marijuana was legal, I want to go to jail to. It is still in the air, Mister president you have until Tuesday. We celebrated that most American of holidays, Cinco de Mayo. But not everyone in this country understands its true meaning. Jessica Williams reports. Cinco de Mayo, the party of parties. I wanted to hit up an authentic fiesta this year,

so I went down to Dallas, Texas, where thousands of Latinos were taking the party to the streets. How's your party going? Well, this is not exactly a party for us. You kidding? Look at all these moves I'm doing. What we looking for is immigration reform. Here I am with my girls on Cinco de Mayo.

We're here to march for immigration reform. So 5,000 people chose to waste their Cinco de Mayo by marching for more humane immigration laws? Nuh-uh. Not on my watch. I have a two-year work permit, but after that, it's very uncertain. We're supposed to be talking about party stuff, like what's the craziest place you ever boink somebody?

Mine's just at an Oscar-Mirowino-mobile. I don't have one like that. When I was 13, my father was deported and I wasn't living with my mother. She was separated from my family for 20 years. Alright, you know what that means. Parents away. You gotta get wicked. Take the top shirt off. Yeah! I was trying to get the party started, but the negativity was wearing me down. A lot of these people are getting separated from their families.

Working long hours overtime without being paid. Fighting for a right to stay in America. It's hard for us to get access to medical care. These people were bumming me out. What's worse, what I thought was the beer line turned out to be for something called VOTAR. Clearly these people had a lot to learn about the American holiday of Cinco de Mayo. I took a few of these party poopers with me to show them the true meaning of the day.

The good miles about party and no politics want to get into politics will stop and it's no fun. We don't want to get into political stuff. No. This is what Cinco de Mayo is all about! They had much to learn about our traditions. Traditionally on Cinco de Mayo, we eat taquitos, which are small tacos. See, it's a taquito. A taquito.

Yeah, I know what a taquito is. Massages, sombreros. Woo! I hate Cinco de Mayo. I just, gringos can't handle the tequila. I'm just tired of it. I just want to go home. I even figured out a way to combine

our ritualized drinking with their bizarre need to constantly crusade for basic rights. My family being separated, there's no other way to describe it but inhumane. Inhumane! That's the one! Everybody in here! Across cultural success, one of the activists even offered to be a designated driver. Four, I can take four in the back. Maybe we need each other after all.

They do the jobs we don't want to do. Staying sober and being politically engaged. Now that Donald Trump is the presumptive Republican nominee, oh and by the way, if you've just come out of a coma, go back to sleep. You don't want to see this. A lot of people have identified that in order for Trump to win the election, he needs to appeal to Latino voters.

But it turns out, Trump had a plan all along. Mr. Trump just a few minutes ago tweeted from his desk at Trump Tower, Happy Cinco de Mayo, the best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics and there is a picture of him eating a taco bowl, it looks like. Well played, Donald, well played.

I just love the idea that in Donald Trump's mind, he's just cleared up this entire mess. They bring in the drugs, they're rapists, the wall, taco bowl. We good, are we. Huh? We good? Are we good now? But in all fairness though, I can see why Trump likes taco bowls.

I mean, they're just like him. You know, it's a pile of cheesy slop stuffed inside a thin orange shell. So I get it. I get it. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily

Show weeknights at 11 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. Paramount Podcasts. Cinco de Mayo, drink up. Let me just take a shot here to get the thing started. You know, podcasts.