The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | Commander-In-Beef

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

What do President Zelenskyy, Governor Gavin Newsom, and Harvard have in common? They've all had beef with Donald Trump. Here's a rundown of Trump's latest face-offs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and there is a lot of concern out there. People are worried, even some people who voted for you saying, I didn't sign up for this. So how do you answer those concerns? Well, they did sign up for it. I said, well, all these things during my campaign. I said, you're going to have a transition period. Really? That's what Trump said. Trump actually said that. Could we just check the tape on that? When I win, I will immediately bring prices down starting on day one. But first, prices will go so high you'll be suck in D for eggs. Oh, yeah, my bad. I misremembered.

But the wildest part of the interview by far was when it turned to Trump's deportation of Kilmar Garcia, who Trump says doesn't need due process because anyone can tell that Garcia is in the gang MS-13 just by looking at his tattoos. And you'll pick out one man, but even the man that you picked out, he's got a key set he wasn't a member of a gang. and then they looked and on his knuckles he had MS-13. There's a dispute in that. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. He had MS-13 on his knuckles tattoos.

He had some tattoos that are interpreted that way, but let's move on. Okay. Let me just explain what's going on here. Garcia has tattoos on his hand and someone labeled a photo of them trying to prove that they're actually a code. The problem is Trump thinks that the labels are part of the tattoo and he is very, very insistent on it. Let's move on. Wait a minute. Hey, Terry, Terry. He did not have the letter MS-1-3. It says MS-1-3. That was Photoshop. Do you want me to show you the picture? I saw the picture.

I saw the picture. Well, and you think it was Photoshop. Here we go. Don't Photoshop it. Go look at his hand. He had MS-13. He did have tattoos that can be interpreted that way. I'm not an expert on them. I want to turn to Ukraine. No, no. Terry, Terry. No, no. He had MS, as clear as you can be. Not interpreted. Now I understand why he's so proud of that Gulf of America poster. He thinks Gulf of America is actually written on top of the water. Makes sense. And what is so crazy is that Terry Moran kept trying to change topics, but Trump wouldn't let him.

I have never seen an interview where a reporter catches a politician in a gotcha. And the politician is the one who says, stop trying to move. I am not done embarrassing myself. But I will hand it to Terry Moran. He held his ground to the point where it actually wore Trump out. And that's when we saw a moment of vulnerability from Trump. He's got MS-13 on his knuckles. All right.

We'll take a look. It's such a disservice. We'll take a look at that, sir. Why don't you just say it? Yes, he does, and, you know, go on to something else. It's contested. Ukraine. Why don't you just say I'm right?

Up is down. Left is right. Santa's real. And that is Trump in a nutshell. I can't prove the insane things I believe. So just go along with them. Don't believe your eyes. Believe the Photoshop.

But I, I for one, will not believe the Photoshop, okay? I will go into the rest of the term with my eyes wide open, staring and watching. Oh, God, no, no! Oh, my eyes! My beautified eyes! Calling All Book Lovers. The Toronto International Festival of Authors brings you a world of stories all in one place.

Discover five days of readings, talks, workshops and more with over 100 authors from around the world, including Rachel Maddow, Ketourou Isaku and Kieran Desai. The Toronto International Festival of Authors, October 29th to November 2nd. Details and tickets at festivalofauthors.ca. Americans are still trying to process the global realignment that has occurred following the disastrous Oval Office meeting between the president, J.D. Vance, and Vladimir Zelensky. What happened, they say? Are we still America, they say? Who's sider way on? They say. It's complicated.

The best way that I can explain what happened and show Americans how to process this new reality was with another shocking turn. of events from this weekend. On Saturday night at the elimination chamber, the WWE shocked the world as John Sina turned heel, joined the rock, and attacked Cody Rhodes. Now,

if that does not immediately explain to you, our current geopolitical climate, you must have grown out of watching wrestling through the normal course of aging. I, on the other hand, understand this in my bones. This explains it, folks.

All of your shock, all of your disappointment, all of your anger. It's in there. It's in the square circle. You see, Saturday night. Oh, we're doing this. Saturday night. John Sina, the good guy of professional wrestling. Mr. Hustle, the champ, the man who stood for everything,

truth, justice, the guy who literally holds the record for the most Make-A-Wish Foundation meetings of all times. People would get cancer just to meet John Sina. Last weekend, Sina flipped the script and went from being a face a good guy to a heel, a bad guy. Now, if you don't follow professional wrestling

and I'm guessing if you watch this show, you do not. Shutty from, all right. But let me continue to bore you with this metaphor. So here's what happened. The current W.W.E. champion

is won Cody Rhodes. Seven people say around. Cody Rhodes is the people's champ. Unquestioned bravery. He stands in for Zelensky in this metaphor. A couple of weeks ago, the rock, the now evil

owner of the WWE, Putin in our story, made Cody Rhodes an offer. The one thing that I want more than anything in this world is that I want your soul. It will take incredible bravery for me to protect my soul and the soul of my people. But luckily, I am not protecting my soul alone, for I have the support of the great John Sina! So, Cody Rhodes, Zelensky, told Vladimir Putin, Rock, no soul for you, motherfucker!

And that's when they met in the Oval Office. America went to hug Zelensky, but when America looked up, somehow Putin had given John Cena the international sign for its time. And rather than repudiate Putin, America smelled what the rock was cooking. And through that boorchedy haze, America delivered the nutshot, the nutshot to the hopes and dreams of Ukrainians everywhere. And then for no reason, America jumped on Zelensky and started punching him in the face as many times as he got. Too simplistic?

No? This is it! Am I being too simplistic assigning to the delicate art of Realpolitik a scripted outcome? Perhaps. But judge for yourself. Putin broken 25 times.

his own signature, 25 times he's broken his fire. No dictate. You're in no position to dictate what we're going to feel. You're not in a good position. You don't have the cards right now. You're gambling with World War III. You're gambling with World War III. Have you said thank you once this entire meeting?

We gave you through this stupid president, $350 billion. You're either going to make a deal or we're out. This is going to be great television. I will say that. it sure wasn't but isn't that what you want from the high-stakes diplomacy and real-life urgency that ending war demands and you know even reporters got some nut shots in why don't you wear a suit oh shit no you did let's do the dozens oh zelenzky you're so poor and war-torn you're down to

one brook's brother oh shit you've you've so war-torn you've given up the meaningless protocols of business attire if you think i'm pushing this metaphor look at the stunned faces in the crowd at wwe when john sena turned heel i now present you the equally stunned faces of watching this Oval Office pay-per-view. Scott, I've never seen anything like that. You've never seen anything like that. Wow. Just wow.

That was something. Caitlin, I want to start with, look at her face. I mean, Christian. You broke Christiana Ammphor. The woman wanders unprotected through Taliban-controlled Afghanistan. Doesn't give a f***. Ten minutes of Trump diplomacy, and she's like, is anyone else dizzy? Hi.

My A1C is plunging. Now, of course, there is one big difference between the W.W.E and the world of politics. In the W.W.E, they seem very clear on who the good guys and who the bad guys are. Nobody walked out of the match pretending that the guy who got nut-shotted was the bad guy. There was this attitude of ungratefulness, seeing his smirk, seeing him roll his eyes, seeing him refer to J.D. Vance, the vice president, as J.D. He shows up in his equinox chic outfit to the doggone oval office. President Zelensky was also antagonistic, and frankly, he was rude.

So impertinent, so disrespectful. Tone deaf going in and fighting back, getting sassy with the president and the... He was sassy. He was sassy. He was sassy. He was a real scallywag. You know what I would say if I was there in the Oval Office with him? I'd say, you better watch your tone, Mr. I think it was Churchill, who during World War II was roundly criticized for being a bit lippy.

Excuse me, Mr. We'll decide where you're going to fight them, whether it's on the beaches or not or whatever. Poor guy, Zelensky, his nation was invaded. He's against all odds, held off a much bigger army for three years. And we're like, would it kill you to smile a little more? Dress a little nicer, your beautiful country, nobody would know. Show off what you got. You know what I'm talking about?

Maybe some of those rare medals I've been hearing something about it. But of course, if you criticize Trump's very clear hostility to Zelensky and very clear appreciation of Putin as being suspicious or a repudiation of American values, as they've been outlined since World War II, Trump's people quickly set up straw men north of Richmond. If there are no negotiations, what is the alternative? Another four years of war? We're not saying there should be no negotiations.

We're just surprised at the side you seem to be negotiating for. President Trump recognizes the urgent need to end this war after three long, bloody years. President Zelensky has different aims in mind. Yeah, bullshit. I'm pretty sure everybody wants it. Everybody wants to end all. Hitler wanted to end the war, just not the way it ended. You're pretending that we have no other options.

Our hearts all break for the suffering and loss and death. But you know what will be even worse? World War III. Yes, I'm sure your heart, in quotation marks. is breaking, but in your little zero-sum formulation, you are correct. Total capitulation by Ukraine, loss of all their mineral wealth and no security guarantees is still better than World War III for now. But you know, everything sounds better if the only other option you're presenting us is World War III.

You can listen to the Amelia Perez composer freestyle another fucking verse at the Oscars. or World War III Eventually you will agree to hear another verse by hair Maybe it's just a phase you're going through You'll get over it I can't help you with that

The next appointment is in six months You're not alone Finding mental health support Shouldn't leave you feeling more lost At CAMH we know how frustrating it can be Trying to access care We're working to build a future

where the path to support is clear and every step forward feels like progress, not another wrong turn. Visit camh.ca to help us forge a better path for mental health care. Another major concern here is that Trump cold up the National Guard without permission from Gavin Newsom, governor of California and man with strong opinions about the food and business class. But Newsom is hitting back. The absurdity of this cannot be understated. There were 2,000 National Guard that were, quote, unquote, deployed, of which only 315 actually were mission assigned.

1,700 have no particular role or responsibility. This wouldn't be the first time someone went to L.A. looking for a role and couldn't find one. Hey, you listen to me, 1,700 troops. You keep following your dreams. You work on your craft, knock down those doors, and most importantly, most importantly, do not go into porn. Do not. Don't do it. Although if you did, I've got a great title for you. Poseycomit Towers.

There it is. So, okay, Newsom is lobbying the unfathomable accusation that Trump might make decisions without fully thinking them through, But I'm sure Trump will be the bigger man here. Earlier in the day, the president suggesting that it might be a good idea of his borders are Tom Homan arrested the California governor. I wish to go with Tom. I think it's great. When asked what crime Newsom has committed to warrant arrest, the president responding. I think his primary crime is running for governor because he's done such a bad job.

That's a ridiculous statement from Trump. Newsom's primary crime is obviously his podcast. And even if Newsom wasn't good at his job, being a bad governor doesn't mean you should get arrested. It means you should be mayor of New York. A showdown is now taking shape between the Trump administration and America's oldest university.

The federal government announcing it will freeze more than $2 billion in grants for Harvard and $60 million in contracts. after the school refused to comply with demands to limit activism on campus, eliminate its DEI programs, and make other changes. Holy shit, we finally found a force more powerful than Trump's hatred.

Harvard's love of sending rejection letters. But look, I don't usually root for Harvard because they're Harvard. They've got everything. It's like rooting for Jeff Bezos to win the lottery. But in this case, I have to give them credit. They're standing up for their principles and for everyone's right to free speech.

even if it means possible financial ruin. One of the big questions going forward, is Harvard going to dip into that $50 billion-plus endowment to make up for that federal shortfall? Okay, I hate them again. But the best part about Harvard's resistance to Donald Trump is that it gives people the chance to go on TV and let you know where they went to school.

I myself and a first-generation college graduate. I graduated from Harvard. I should disclose, I went to Harvard, So I'm very familiar with the president and with how the community feels right now. But as a Harvard alum, and as you know, I am as well. I know many alums, including people I know very closely and faculty members like me. I know you look really surprised because I'm wearing a tie you've never seen before. It has a little Latin word inside each one of those symbols there, the word veritas, meaning truth, of course.

and this is the one night. It's a one night only appearance of this time. I know that that is not something that you usually billboard in the world about yourself. Oh, God. The only thing worse than people bragging about going to Harvard

is people pretending to be embarrassed about going to Harvard. Sorry, oh, my darkest secret, please don't make me tell anyone. Please, no, I went to Harvard. Harvard, Harvard. Harvard. My favorite guy is Lauren, Lauren. So Donald, he's really embarrassed he has to talk about this.

I mean, it's definitely not something he will bring up all the time over the course of many years. Let me just say, confessionally, I went to Harvard College. Most of the good things that have happened to me in some way traced back to Harvard. You and I, as Harvard Americans, I first heard him speak as a guest lecturer at Harvard. Okay, well, I get into Harvard, too. In fact, it was the only college I applied to. So I know we're trying to bring people back from the El Salvador mega prison,

but do they have room for one more? Well, no President Trump has spent the last two weeks in a wrestling match with the ghost of Jeffrey Epstein. But he's been fighting the last six months with a much more alive person, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell. And, boy, does Trump hate the guy? Jerome Powell has done a terrible job.

But frankly, I don't think you could do a worse job. We have a stupid person, frankly, at the Fed. He's an average mentally person. I'd say low in terms of what he does, low. Low IQ for what he does, okay? But this, you know, numbscull, he's a numbscull. I think he's a total stiff. You talk to the guy.

It's like talking to a nothing. It's like talking to a chair. No personality. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, whatever happened to all of our exciting dynamic Federal Reserve chairs? Who doesn't remember Fed Chairman Dirk's McGinty, huh?

Did he crash the economy? Yes. That that guy was radical. Now, you may be wondering what Jerome Powell ever did to make Trump so angry. I mean, the way Trump talks about him, you'd think they caught him at a cold play concert with Trump's wife. But, at its heart. This is a beef about economics. Trump wants to lower interest rates

to help juice the economy, but Jerome Powell is in charge of setting those interest rates, and he refuses to lower them because he's worried that will increase inflation. And nothing, nothing makes Trump angrier than someone doing their job well. We should have cut interest rates a long time ago. Europe has cut them ten times

in the short period of time, and we cut them none. The only time he cut them was just before the election to try and help. or Biden, whoever the hell it was, because nobody really knew. How did that work out? You'll tell me. It didn't work out too well, did it?

By the way, if you're wondering what this guy has to do with any of this, I'll tell you, nothing. That's the crown prince of Bahrain. He flew across the planet to talk about peace in the Middle East, and now he just has to sit there while Trump works themselves up over some personal shit. It's like when you were at your friend's house for dinner and get dragged into their parents' fights. Oh, oh, you know what?

Let's ask Timmy. Timmy is four beers a normal amount to drink at breakfast? Tell him, tell Mr. Patterson. Tell Mr. Patterson. But yeah, sorry, Your Highness. It doesn't matter what you were here for. Just buckle up and enjoy the ride. He's a terrible...

He's a terrible fed chair. I was surprised he was appointed. I was surprised, frankly, that Biden put him in. Yeah. Yeah, why did Joe Biden put Jerome Powell in? Let's go back to when Joe Biden appointed Jerome Powell

and see what Joe Biden said about him. It is my pleasure and my honor to announce my nomination of Jerome Powell to be the next chairman of the Federal Reserve. He's strong, he's committed, he's smart. Damn. Man, Joe Biden looks. fat as shit.

Hey, I get it. I'm also trying desperately to forget everything that happened during Trump's first term. Now, you might be wondering, if Trump hates this guy so much, why doesn't he just fire him? Well, he's been threatening to, pretty much nonstop, ever since he won the election.

But you tell me if Powell seems phased by it. Some of the president's elects advisors have suggested that you should resign. If he asked you to leave, Would you go? No. Can you follow up on his... Do you think that legally you're not required to leave?

No. Okay. You don't want to spin it? Do a little grandstanding, you know? The camera's on. Give it a little razzle-dazzle-dazzle of Big Day, come on! But no, no, Jerome Powell truly does not give a . About Trump's threats.

To follow up on victorious question, do you believe the president has a past? to fire or demote you? Not permitted under the law. Not what? Not permitted under the law. Wow. He actually, he went on to add,

Try me, bitch. Although, you know, just one more quick follow-up, Chairman Powell. Do you think I can pull off jean shorts? Not permitted under the law. Harsh but fair. But Powell is right. The president can't actually fire him. The position of Fed chairman was designed to be independent from the president

to ensure that its decisions will be made free of political pressure. But Trump thinks he found a loophole. Yesterday, the president suggested a caveat that he could remove Chairman Powell if there is cause. He has accused Powell of fraud related to the Fed's multi-year $2 billion renovation project. He's spending $2.5 billion to, I guess it's a renovation. I don't know. The one thing I didn't see him is a guy that needed a palace to live in.

And now on top of it, he's building a close to $3 billion little nest tank for himself. He's doing a little renovation for $2.5 billion of the Fed. By the way, it's crazy to hear Trump complain about the Federal Reserve Palace while he's sitting in his gold-bedazzled office. Man, that Jerome Powell sure is extravagant. Don't you agree? Gold-plated eagle holding up a marble end table?

But on the other hand, Trump's smear campaign is having an effect. Some of these charges of extravagant spending got to the point where Powell had to deny them under oath. The media reports that you accurately accurately quoted, they're misleading and inaccurate in many, many respects. There's no new marble. There are no special elevators.

There are no new water features. There's no beehives. What? No beehives, not even one? Well, now I'm worried Jerome Powell isn't spending enough on the renovations. How can I trust a Fed chairman who isn't licking honey off his fist like Winnie the Po? It seems like they're now trying to make the renovation sound as shitty as possible. No water feature.

no special elevators, and worst of all, they're dismantling the skate park for Dirk's McGinty. Explore more shows from The Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.