The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | Halloween

Episode Date: November 1, 2025

While you make sugar angels in your piles of Halloween candy, take a listen to The Daily Show's coverage of ghosts and goblins that, for once, aren't limited to Congress. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. You're listening to Comedy Central November is upon us, but the memories of this year's Halloween linger on, memories that hang from the branches of trees in your front yard or remain splattered on the hood of your Ford Wind Star.

But lawmakers of the House of Representatives were we're wondering. remember this Halloween season as the time a large group of men in incredibly authentic SWAT costumes evacuated them for two hours after security mistook a toy gun carried by two congressional staffers on their way to a Halloween party as a real gun. Basically it was kind of this. Tricker put that fucking head down and right will blow your head off. Do you understand me? TCB in it. U.S. Capitol Police Chief Terrence Gainer explained the situation. The item that was brought in was brought in by the females.

I don't think they had any ill intent. They had their Halloween costumes in preparation for parties tonight and tomorrow, and I just don't think we're thinking clearly through this. He added, but what do I know? I'm actually just an accountant in a policeman's costume. Now, give me a snickers or you're under a rinds, dude. Illinois Congressman John Shimkus, known to his friends as, Shimkus!

Admitted, I don't know that for a fact, by the way. Admitted afterwards, a member of his staff was behind the scare and apologized, saying, quote, the staffers wish to convey their deepest regrets to all members. This was an unfortunate Halloween misunderstanding. In a related story, Kobe Bryant has now changed his plea to unfortunate Halloween misunderstanding. Hello, my dearies.

Halloween is right around the corner. Which reminds me, I need to get a costume. Now, according to my local CVS, Halloween is a two-month festival beginning, September 1st, which celebrates the worst candy of all time. But actually, Halloween is an ancient holiday with a rich and spooky history. And by spooky, I mean... Interesting.

It all started in ancient Ireland, where they celebrated the earliest version of Halloween, the festival of Sawin. That's right, the Irish gave us not one but two holidays, where people get wasted and have sex behind a dunk-and-dunk. Oh, nuts. Hey, Ireland. Thank you. They believe that on the night of October 31st, the veil between the world and

the afterlife was lifted, and that spirits returned for one night, like a divorced dad on your birthday. So to win favor with the spirits, they lit bonfires and offered gifts to them. But most importantly, they disguised themselves in costumes so the dead wouldn't recognize them. Because, trust me, no one wants to get stuck in a conversation with the ghost. They're always like, Avenge me, avenge me. It's like, okay, weirdo, I just met you.

Costumes during Sawin consisted of animal heads and skins. Ew, but in their defense, it was ancient times. Those were the only costumes party city had back then. For thousands of years, Sawin was celebrated in Ireland by the Celtics. Sorry, Celtics. Until Ireland got a very special delivery on its doorstep. Catholicism!

And the Catholics gave the festival a holy makeover, naming November 1st All Saints Day, aka All Hallows, making the night before Hallows Eve. Eventually, this evolved into Halloween. Like many other scary things, you have the Catholic Church to think. After this transition, the earliest version of trick-or-treating began. Medieval beggars would pray for people's dead relatives in exchange for food. And that's pretty depressing. Outsourcing your praying to the less fortunate?

I mean, how lazy are you? Ooh. My postmates with a single bottle of water is here. Bring it in! But there was fun trick-or-treating, too. Kids dressed up in costumes and offered to sing or recite a poem in exchange for food, or money, or wine. And I know what you're thinking.

Kids drinking wine? But don't worry. It's Irish wine, so it's basically just rancid grape juice. In the 18th and 19th centuries, Halloween started getting popular around the world, especially in America. after a Halloween poem by Robert Burns became popular. And I know it might seem weird that something became mainstream due to poetry,

but if you think about it, it's the same way we all learned about Cizirp. At the turn of the century, the influx of Irish immigrants made Halloween even bigger in the U.S. And it actually started to get a little rowdy. Kids used the day as an excuse for vandalism and general assholery. A tradition that continues to this day. Oh, mother f***er. I will kick your ass at soccer practice, Timmy! It was so bad, some politicians wanted to cancel Halloween altogether.

Luckily, the solution was already built in, trick-or-treating. Everyone figured out that if they gave kids treats in exchange for not acting like little dickheads, they'd be chill. Trick-or-treating exploded by the 1950s with the mass production of candy. Although back then, candy was weird. They had all these suggestive names like Zagnuts and Sugar Daddies. If you like candy, kids, you'll love Uncle Jimmy's pole smokers.

Mmm, pole. By the 1970s, Halloween wasn't just for kids anymore. Adults started to get into it, too. They threw parties, they wore costumes, some sexy, and some really sexy. Oh yeah, Dick Nix hive, where are you at? These days, Halloween has taken on a new meaning, celebrating the macabre and having a safe space to explore our identities with our friends and family.

I'm just f***in with ya. It's about making as much money as possible. It's the most expensive holiday after Christmas. And we don't even get a PlayStation out of it. Just some highly regrettable photos in a mouth full of cavities. Lost another one. So now you know how Halloween got to be so spooktacular. I hope everyone out there has a safe and fun time this year.

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important national holiday. Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert with Even Stephen. You just made me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather light up your own ass? Tonight's topic, Halloween. No. Yes. Nope. Every year the forces of darkness get a foothold in the minds of our children under the deceptive guise of all. Hallows Eve. Well, I say it's time to just say no to pagan rituals that lead our youngsters toward the pit of damnation. And anyone who feels otherwise is a minion of the Dark Lord. Steve? Come on, Stephen, it's about kids dressing up one

night a year ringing doorbells for treats and when you don't get what you want, you have toilet paper the house, maybe soap some windows or set a few fires and then drop a cement-filled pumpkin off the overpass onto the windshields of an oncoming car. Stephen, it's about fun. It's about frolic. It's about candy. Well, not content with poisoning the minds of our babies. The druidic cabal that runs this Luciferian festival of death evidently also wants to pollute their bodies with refined sugars. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Wait a second, Stephen. Surely as a child, you indulged in the occasional Snickers bar or peanut butter cup. No, I ate carrot sticks and my parents gave out little bags of

Applesauce. Are you serious? Thanks. Do you know what we used to do to people who gave out those healthy snacks? Yes. Yes, I do. Flaming bags of excrement were thrown at their houses. Do you know who had to clean that up the next day when the neighborhood girls were walking to school and laughing at you and going, there's Stinky Steve?

Steven, uh, could I ask you something. Did you even trick or treat as a kid? That's not something my family did. We didn't, uh... I'm sorry. Well, that must have been very hard. No, it's... It was not at all. It's fine.

You know what? I have some treats here. Could have a little Halloween right here, huh? No, thank you. A couple treats? No. No, thank you. No, they cause cavity, Steve. I'm not interested at all.

What's that big one? Well, you have a good eye, my friend. would be a butterfinger. What do they do? Well, they crunch, and then they get all chocolatey on you. Chocolate. Yeah.

Want a butterfinger? You know what? You want a butterfinger? No, I don't. Thank you. Ring my doorbell. I don't think so. Ring a doorbell. I don't want to. Go ahead. Ding dong! Oh, who could that be? Clum, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump.

Oh! Oh! Hey! How adorable! And who are you? A correspondent. And a very scary correspondent. What do you say? I don't know. What do you say? You know what to say.

I don't know what to do. Three little words. I want candy. No, no, no. You know the words. Go ahead. Say the words. Tret.

Tret. Tret. Tret. Tret. Trey. Trey. Trick or treat. Yeah!

Oh, Halloween isn't until tomorrow. Bye, clink! No, I want candy. I'm Steve Carell. I want the candy. And this has been Even Stevens. I want to be a vampire. Some news stories help us understand the world we live in,

and some news stories are just stupid. For those, we turn to Ronnie Chang. Thanks, Trevor. It's Halloween, again. Or as I like to call it, the stupidest time of the year. Because you've got dumb kids coming to your house begging for candy, and then you have everyone else trying to come up with a costume that's topical but also hot.

Oh, look at me. I'm sexy quid pro quo. What does that even mean? But Halloween also means businesses are pretending they're cool by coming out with spooky promotions, like this guy. A car wash in Ohio is doubling down as a haunted house. Check it out. Customers can enjoy the spooky experience

while riding through the car wash. These actors dressed in scary Halloween costumes will wipe down cars and scare customers. The frightening car wash costs 20 bucks. only are you locked in your car in a haunted house, but you're gonna go home with what we think is the cleanest car in Ohio. The cleanest car in Ohio.

Who cares? It's still in Ohio. I'd rather have the second dirtiest car anywhere else. More importantly, why do you have to combine these two things? How busy are people? Are you really just sitting around like, yo, I got time for a haunted house or a car wash. I can't do both.

And how is this even scary? I'm not scared of Freddy Kruger if he's working for me for tips. But if you want a haunted house that has less sitting and more crapping your pants, then you're in luck. The country's scariest haunted house

is offering $20,000 for anyone who can get through this thing. So just to get in, you'll need to watch a two-hour-long video, sign a 40-page waiver. Bring a doctor's note saying you pass the fifth. and have a safe word for when you want to give up.

The haunted house includes intense audio, lighting, extreme low visibility, gross stuff, close contact with creatures they may touch you and graphic and pretty real scenes of horror. Now the tour taps into your personal fears, such as being buried alive or drowning. The entire experience can last up to 10 hours. Holy shit.

Close contact with disgusting creatures that may touch you. That's not a haunted house. That's not a haunted house. That's a sleepover at Jeffrey Epstein's place. Look, can we all just agree that haunted houses are stupid? It's a bunch of losers yelling, boo, you're booing me? I'm booing you. Boo!

That blood looks fake, boo! The whole idea of a haunted house combines two things I don't want to do, okay? Be scared and go to someone else's house. I mean, if you want to spend money to have a shitty night, just go on a Tinder date. Oh, wow, that's so interesting. I've never met anyone who likes to travel before. Honestly, the scariest thing about Halloween is how corporate it is.

You can't do anything without running into promotional bullshit. Just in time for Halloween Burger Kings introducing what they're calling the ghost whopper. Chipotle is back with its annual burrito deal for Halloween. If customers come in dressed in costume on Halloween, they can get a burrito for just four bucks. In honor of Halloween, the coffee giant is debuting. Check it out right there, the Phantom Fappuccino. It is a black and green drink. The food product designed to look like slime contains charcoal powder

to add the black coloring. Well, activated charcoal is banned in New York City because of safety concerns tied to it. Damn, that drink got banned in New York? Do you know how bad that coffee has to be to be considered a health risk in New York? This is the same city where pizza gets delivered by a rat, right? So, yo, and if you ask me, all these gimmicks are so unnecessary.

Fast food is already scary, okay? Just put a flashlight under your chin and read the list of ingredients. Wow, Ronnie, Ronnie, you're really not into the season. Are you, like, do you celebrate anything Halloween? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. I love getting into Halloween spirit. I buy candy, and when trick-or-treaters come to my door, I eat it in their faces to show that that nothing in life is free.

Ronnie Chang, everyone. We'll be right back. At Desjardin, we speak business. We speak startup funding and comprehensive game plans. We've mastered made-to-measure growth and expansion advice, and we can talk your ear-off about transferring your business when the time comes. Because at Desjardin business, we speak the same language you do. Business.

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Now, I've not settled on a costume yet. I've narrowed it down to the boss, the cake boss, or undercover boss. There you. But on the bright side, at least I'm not a lady shopping for a costume. You look for a Halloween costume as a lady, and it's hard to find one where you don't look like a hussy. Hard to not look like a hussy. God forbid you look like a loose woman from the 50s.

Overtly sexy Halloween costumes is an undeniable trend. For more, we're joined by senior women's issues correspondent, Kristen Shaw. Kristen, thanks for joining you. How are you? It's good. Nice to see you. Aw, I miss your man. And go.

Kristen, it does seem, these costumes for women keep getting more and more sexed up. I know, John. Isn't it great? What? The fact that women get this one night, only one, out of the whole year to be viewed as sexual objects. And we get to choose what kind. You can be a sexy pirate, a sexy nurse, an even sexier nurse, a sexy defense attorney or her nemesis, the sexy prosecutor. You're out of order.

No, you're out of order. Let's just make out. Yeah. So you're not, you're, you're, you see this. I like that. I like that. You're not upset about this in any way. Why?

Why would I be upset about progress, John? I mean, when my mom was growing up in the oppressive olden days, she only had two options for a Halloween costume, sexy secretary or sexy meter maid. But in these modern liberated times, a woman is free to be a sexy whatever the hell she wants. Sort of like a glass ceiling that you break by putting them on the glass, you know what I mean? Putting the boobs on the glass. Is I like putting a, you know what you mean? Yeah, you're sharp, spiky boobs, John.

This guy's never seen real boobs. And this year, women can even be sexy anatomy and objects. I am not making these up. All right. You've got your sexy carrots, your sexy guitar. Or this one for sexy carb lovers. You want a pizza meet? This costume includes a padded mini dress with topping detail and crust shoulder pads.

I got to tell you, though, in my mind, to be perfectly honest, I don't know that pizza needs cleavage to make it sexy, you know what I mean? Is that? Yeah, you said it, Bob. Thanks. This guy f***ing pizza. What? But, I mean, think about men's costumes, though. I mean, they are sort of empowering.

You know, you can be superheroes. Jedi masters, you know, and you don't have to show your, you know, your, you know, your, you know, your, you know, you're, you know, you're, you know, you're, you're, you know, you're, you know, you're, you know. bits and pieces, you know what I mean? It's just, yeah. You're right. It's not fair. They should be allowed to be sexy too. That's why I've designed my own line of sexy costumes for men.

Come on out, Gustav! What is... Gustav! Yeah! Tell me this costume isn't dead sexy. Uh, he just looks like some dude. It's not... Some dude? John. Yeah, it's not a...

Gustav is modeling the costume called sexy Hollywood producer who hires women over 40 for a meaningful age-appropriate role. Yeah. Bam. Get out of here, you hot piece of meat. He's my ride.

Yeah. And he's from Austria, apparently. You really think. You don't think. that women's costumes are getting out of hand because it seems simple. No, I don't think they go far enough. Ladies, why are we being so coy about this?

Why don't we just show everyone what we mean? Why don't we just show everyone what we mean when we put on those sexy kitty carrot nurse costumes and take things to the obvious next level? Introducing my 2014 line of sexy costumes for women. Come on out, female, Gustav. What's up? Yeah.

I don't know, listen, I don't, I don't, I don't, I really don't know, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know if we can show this. I don't know if this is something that we can show. I call this one, I call this one the sexy vagina. And what better way to get everyone thinking about sex than dressing up as the place where sex happens? Yeah, but it's just, this somehow seems worse for what? Then just, you know, degrade, I don't know. All right, I know what you're into, John. Calm down.

Right. Uh-huh. Huh? Ooh, wow. Ooh. Wow. Oh, hello. Oh, hello.

Sexiest pizza ever. Does the cheese match the crust? Ooh, she'll never tell. Is that, do... Can I ask a question? This may sound naive. Do those things normally have pizza in them? Because I've never...

Well, I guess you've never seen one of these up close before. Because he's only... Pizza! Kristen Shaw, everybody. We'll be right with that. A certain holiday is coming on Friday. Here with this uniquely fruit and vegetable-based slant on that occasion, we turn to our old standby.

Produce Pete, Steve Carell. Good evening. I am Produced Dracula, and I am here to talk the car. Okay, that's not. And it's up with that. Yep, it's Halloween. And nothing says Halloween like caramel apples. Well, I guess pumpkins, maybe.

Actually, yeah. Pumpkins are actually more iconic. but we're talking about caramel apples. This recipe is so easy in no time. You will find yourself making it halfway through one of these before feeling kind of queasy. All you need are six medium-sized apple, six wooden popsicle sticks.

You can get those at your local hobby shop in the stick-and-dow-lisle. Half a pound of light-colored caramels. You melt them. You dip in the apples. You know what? You pretty much have to be an idiot, not know how to make these.

You know, back when I own... to home. I used to love to decorate it up for Halloween and invite the neighbor kids over and take them down into my basement. With parental consent, for the most part, I would turn off the lights and I'd have a big bowl of grapes, and that would be Frankenstein's eyes. And then for the next hour and a half, I would edutane the kids about the real evils of drugs and premarital relations and Satan in general. Well, it was really only for that one year that they came. Actually, they did come back the next year

to throw dog feces at my house, and I believe they did that again the next year. And there was a third year in there as well. Now, on Halloween, I sit in my apartment with the lights out, and I eat a caramel apple. Happy Halloween. Hallowing.

Hallowing. With Halloween, just around the corner, members of the White House press corps decided to take their kids trick or treating at the scariest haunted house that they could think of. I cannot believe the media produced such beautiful children. How the media did this, I don't know. That's beautiful.

These are beautiful, wonderful children. Oh, you're going to grow up to me like your parents? Don't answer. They can only get me in trouble that question. Wow. I can't believe Trump is on those kids' parents directly in front of them. Yeah, and that wasn't even the worst of it.

Later on, he went up to a pregnant reporter and whispered into her belly, your mom is an enemy of the people. And I know you're wondering, why would the media bring their kids in, right, and subject them to this? But maybe the press call was like, do you see what I have to go through every day?

Do you see what I do every day to put food on the table? Huh? Now, eat your veggies, I'll take you back to that talking pumpkin. Now, eventually, President Trump got around handing out some candy, but even then, he couldn't help giving it a special Trump spin.

Who likes this? No, that's the good news. But you have no weight problems. That's the good news, right? I don't know. So you take out whatever you need. America, I hate to say this, but I'm beginning to think that your president may be a jerk.

And as bad as Trump was, at least those kids didn't get any candy from Mike Pence. You know, because you know they would have been like, why are there no green M&Ms? I had to take them all out. I can't be alone with a sexy woman. No. This episode is brought to you by Peloton.

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This is it. Night 3 in Miami. And tonight, and tonight isn't just any night. It's Halloween. Yeah. Which is a super exciting night, right? Especially if you're a kid. You just walk up to any stranger's house and get candy, right?

Except President Obama's house because you show up there dressed like a ghost and you'd be like, boo! And he'll be like, ah, don't boo, vote. And Michelle pops out and gives you some zucchini. Damn, this sucks! Now, in the rest of America, Halloween, is a chance to dress up super sexy. You get into your sexy little costumes. But here in Miami, it's weird. because that's just Tuesday for you guys.

No, because, like, y'all dress sexy every day. Every single day. So here's what I think. I think for Halloween, what you guys need to do is you should have the unsexy version of things, right? Like, yeah, like you need like a modest lifeguard costume, right? Or like a frumpy cheerleader. Or how about like a conservative stripper?

That would be dope. Yeah, just change. Amazing great. Grace. No clothes come off. Only erections of the hearts. And I'll be honest with you guys. Can I be honest? Like, because of stand-your-ground laws, I don't know how anyone can enjoy Halloween in Florida. No, because the law is that someone can shoot you if you frighten them. That's the whole point of Halloween. You dress scary, you go to people's houses and you rub them of candy. I feel like in Florida, it doesn't matter what you dress.

You're leaving as a ghost. That's what that means. Like, just to be on the safe side for Halloween, I just walk around with my hands up the whole time. That's all I do. Hands up. People like, what are you supposed to be? Alive, motherfucker.

I'm not about to get shot for some candy. I'm going to get shot for some candy. What's that? King-sized Reese's? All right, shoot me in the leg. Shoot me in the leg. And you know what I'm going to? What amazes me about America as a whole is that every single year on Halloween, there's always

somebody who's not happy with just being sexy Dracula or sexy Frankenstein, no, they've got to take it too far. A father in Kentucky has been criticized for dressing his five-year-old son up as Hitler. The Halloween costume was posted on social media by Brian Goldbach. He says originally did it for historical purposes, but now admits this was probably a bad idea. Everybody has the devotion to living history that I have. It's... I don't know how to put it.

Okay, first off, I don't think we should be calling that a costume, all right? That was a uniform, okay? Costumes are things you can buy at Walmart. That shit is something you discover in a storage unit in Argentina. That's what that was. And can I say, can I just say, It's pretty clever how he dressed himself up as a regular Nazi but dressed his kid as Hitler. It's like he just wanted an excuse in case things went wrong.

He'd be like, look, I was just following orders. I mean, he came up with the master plan. That's not me. There's just so many reasons that it's a terrible idea to dress a little kid as Hitler. Like, someone could see the kid walking around and be like, baby Hitler. This is my chance! Even keeping up with international news, you probably know that lately the world has been crazier than Rudy Giuliani on LSD. To be honest, there's so many protests going on around the world right now that we just don't

have the time to cover them all. Luckily for us, not enough time. It's just the right amount of time for a segment we call, ain't nobody got time for that. All right, let's kick it off in Hong Kong, where the pro-democracy protesters are also getting into the Halloween spirits. Well, to Hong Kong now where police fired tear gas to break up protests on the Halloween holiday. Crowds of protesters blocked a major road before police came in. The anti-government demonstrations targeted a popular party district in the city for the first time.

Well, at times, the protesters blended in with people wearing Halloween costumes. Protesters and party girls alike were not deterred by a city-wide ban on face masks. Okay, you've got to admit, that's a pretty genius move for the pro-teensers. to blend in with regular people celebrating Halloween. Yeah, because the police can't tell the difference between protesters and trick-or-treaters. Sort of like starting a fight club in the middle of Boston. You don't know.

Is this an illegal fight? Or just the usual Dunkin' Donuts parking lot fight? You don't know. Now, what's interesting is that the protests in Hong Kong originally began because of an extradition bill. But now they've snowballed into a protest about Chinese rule over Hong Kong in general. Because, you see, protests are a lot like arguments

in relationships. You say it's about the dishes, but really it's about something bigger. You know, like you don't communicate well, or you hooked up with your mother-in-law, you know? Yeah, you said I should get along with her. Let's talk about Halloween. You know, it's when the whole neighborhood pays child support with Kit Katz. But with the pandemic here, we're treating it a bit differently. Let's find out how differently in our special segment, Halloween, in a time of Corona. When you think about it, Halloween is the exact opposite of social distancing.

You go to as many strangers' houses as possible and ask them for stuff that they've touched. Plus, there's saliva everywhere from when the people eat candy corn. Oh, boy, candy corn! I forgot how much the shit sucks. For whatever the reason, this year, many cities are doing away with Halloween completely. Will Halloween be canceled? 2020 being the worst year ever, there's new concern about the treasured holiday due to the pandemic.

Health officials in L.A. announced that door-to-door trick-or-treating is banned this year. Also banned, haunted houses and large gatherings. New York's classic parade that draws a million people to Greenwich Village every year, canceled. Chicago's, too, Atlanta went virtual. In a town famous for witch trials and Halloween celebrations, the scariest thing in Salem, Massachusetts this year, the tourists. The mayor is telling sightseers to stay home. And in Richmond.

Trick-or-treating is not canceled. However, my best recommendation is that we stay home. Yes, it turns out Halloween events are getting canceled all across the U.S. because if these cities actually held these events, somebody could die. No, but for real, though, someone could die because of corona, like someone could actually die. I've got to get my lights fixed.

Why do they always do this? And if you ask me, canceling trick or treating is ridiculous. So what? Now I'm just supposed to sit at home, alone in my Superman costume, eating a bucket of my own candy? How's that going to be different from all the other nights of the year? Halloween is supposed to be special.

The good news is that just because there's a pandemic, that doesn't mean Halloween has to be canceled. And all across America, people are finding ways to keep the scares coming without the virus tagging along. The CDC labeling traditional trick-or-treating this Halloween as a high-risk activity. But parents are coming up with ways to keep Halloween safe. The Virginia couple found a unique way

to handle a socially distance Halloween. Look at that. They came up with idea of a candy slide. Some neighbors are getting creative, One designed a candy shoot, another a pulley system to deliver candy from the porch to the street. Some folks are going high-tech dispensing candy from a drone. Meanwhile, some haunted houses in the area are back open and adapting amid the pandemic. There's no touching. Most of our jump scares are done at a distance. Rooms are designed to keep actors six feet from visitors.

They require the actors to speak as little as possible to prevent the spread of droplets. Okay, can I just say, I am glad that those haunted houses can stay open because this is the one year where it's safer inside a haunted house than outside. Oh, I'm a ghost. Yeah, bitch, and there's white supremacists outside. I'm staying here with you. And you know, it's so amazing how inventive Americans become when candy is at stake. All it took was the possibility of a few kids not getting candy

and half of suburbia turned into Elon Musk. I'd actually like to see those drones. Yeah, the military should use those. You know, you'd be at a wedding in the Middle East, like, oh, no, a drone! Ah! Wait! It's dropping candy! Yay!

It's dropping candy! Look, everybody! It's candy! It's candy corn! It's candy corn. Death to America! Now, of course, the most important part of Halloween is dressing up.

And far from stopping. people, the pandemic is actually inspiring. Several retailers are cashing in on timely Halloween costumes inspired by items that became important during the pandemic. Of course, one of the most popular items, toilet paper roll also has a disinfectant wipe costume. Check out this incredible creation from one dad. It's a monster Zoom call. You know those face shields, you see medical workers wearing?

Well, one company is turning those into Halloween masks for kids. Boo! I'm Frankenstein. You want to dress up as hand sanitizer? How about sexy hand sanitizer? Yandy, selling this racy mail-in ballot costume that comes complete with I-voted pasties. Wait, hold up.

Someone is planning to be a sexy mail-in ballot this weekend? What are you doing? If you're a sexy mail-in ballot, you should have been in the mail by yesterday. You realize what you've done. You're too late. Now you've got to go to a sexy drop-off box. Well, you better sexy wait in line for three hours.

And look, I get dressing up as paper towels or hand sanitizer, but please, people, whatever you do, do not dress up as a doctor or a nurse this year. Because sexy nurse or not, your ass is going to get put to work quick. Wait, no, I'm just a sexy nurse. I'm not real. I don't give a shit. Get this man on a ventilator and inject it with some bleach. That!

Bleach? But that doesn't work. Look, dude, I just dressed as a sexy hospital administrator. I'm as confused as you. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Calling All Book Lovers.

Festival of Authors brings you a world of stories all in one place. Discover five days of readings, talks, workshops and more, with over 100 authors from around the world, including Rachel Maddow, Ketourou Isaku and Kieran Desai. The Toronto International Festival of Authors, October 29th to November 2nd. Details and tickets at Festivalof Authors.ca.