The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | Happy Hanukkah

Episode Date: December 22, 2025

Crack open The Daily Show's looks at Hanukkah over the years. Stephen Colbert tackles the commercialization of the holidays. John Stewart analyzes the Bush era Hanukkah celebration as part of Operation Enduring C(h)overage. Lewis Black expresses his frustrations with Hallmark’s Hanukkah movies, Amazon’s Auschwitz-themed Christmas ornaments and the businessman who bought Hitler’s hat, and Jon rates the efforts of Republican presidential hopefuls pandering at that other holiday gathering, the Republican Jewish Forum. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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their holiday sale. Avocado, dream of better. You're listening to Comedy Central. Now, I don't think anyone here would disagree that every year the holidays get more and more commercialized. Could the steamrolling of religion by the capitalist marketing machine have a downside? Stephen Colbert investigates.

Christmas lights are twinkling and carolers are singing and the egg-nog is flowing. And that, of course, can only mean one thing. It's Hanukkah time. I wished for a pony. But amidst all this hoopla and the Hanukkah hype, haven't we forgotten something? Haven't we forgotten what Hanukkah is really all about?

Rabbi, do you have a minute? Sure, come in. Thanks. Rabbi, what's the true meaning of Hanukkah? Well, it commemorates the Jewish victory of the Maccabees over King Antiochus. Good! Let's roll! Hanukkah is, of course, a commemoration of several things. But one has to wonder these days, do our children even know that stuff?

Or are they just interested in their space-age Hanukkah gyro toys? And the bad king's name was... Antiochus! Okay, fair enough. But what was Antiochus' last name? I don't know. It's epiphan. What did Antiochus hope to achieve

with the control of... It was worse than I had feared. But who had ruined this most sacred of holidays? Perhaps some of the responsibility lies with a cold and different merchandising machine. Doesn't it kind of break your heart when you see a house all decked out in the Hanukkah glitz? You know, the giant flashing menorah on the lawn

and the life-size flying potato pancakes on the roof? Not at all. One last question. Why are all Maziza sales final? Turns out I don't really care. Turns out I don't really care. I was too worried about saving Hanukkah. Could there still be hope for this?

highest of high holy holidays? I have to tell you this is not the highest of holidays. Okay, it is. So let's just move from there. Well, I would have to contradict you. Well, I wish you wouldn't. Here's the thing. Name one that's more important.

How about Passover? Okay, I'll give you Passover, but name two. Roshishana. Okay, now you're just making words up. Was there anyone out there who is keeping the true spirit of the season alive? Just when all seemed hopeless, I was taught a very special Hanukkah lesson by this young orphan. Have you gotten caught up in this whole commercialism thing? How many Hanukkah presents have you bought this year?

I do not, but not. That's so refreshing me here. God bless you, Guy whose name I didn't catch. God bless you. Stephen Colbert, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much. Really, in these commercialized times, it really is a heartwarming and hopeful report. Thank you.

Well, John, Hanukkah is a beautiful festival of light. Although, I was surprised to learn in the course of my investigation that Hanukkah is, in fact, a minor holiday that doesn't even appear in the Hebrew Bible and is of dubious historical significance. Well, it is for Jewish people still an important celebration. Oh, no, no, no, no, of course, of course. You should all be very proud of Hanukkah. I mean, it's still bigger than Kwanza. I mean, for now. Thank you, Stephen.

Thank you, John. Folks, to commemorate the Jewish holiday that is occurring right now, we want to present to a very special holiday edition of Operation Enduring Coverage. Folks, traditionally nothing says. America quite like Christmas at the White House. And nothing says awkwardness quite like Hanukkah at the White House,

where President Bush lit the menorah last night with a little help from eight-year-old Talia Lefkowitz. After hearing Talia sing, the White House presented the girl with a very special Hanukkah present, a letter from John Ashcroft, inviting her to report to federal agents for questioning. Could be Hebrew, could be Pashtun.

You don't know. Get her in. First Lady Laura Bush was, of course, on hand to supervise the occasion. And as usual, her poker face left many wondering just what she was thinking as she looked on. I don't know that I'm going to get that in my the ceremony also featured a special White House menorah chosen after a protocol officer

Nick's, the earlier designed by Vice President Cheney. President Bush used the occasion of the holiday to launch some pointed words at Osama bin Laden. I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah. But Bush added. In fact, I'd have to say, I think he's a bit of an anti-Semite. Senior White House correspondent Stephen Colbert is live in our Washington Bureau. We're going to take you out to him now. Stephen, a lot going on in the nation's capital, a lot of celebration.

The president wants everybody to feel that it's business as usual for all Americans. What's the mood like down there right now? Well, John, the menorah is shedding a light whose sweetness is matched only by that of the chocolate gelt being distributed to child and senator alike. John, it's Hanukkah time at the White House. And Hark, if you listen closely, you can hear the gentle sound of the spinning draedle,

tumbling to rest, revealing the fortunes of the gaily giggling little ones. Smells like Laura's hard at work at her famous Lutkis, or Strom Thurman's around. Are they really into the homo Because I thought the Bush's Hanukkah celebration was really just designed to demonstrate a sense of religious inclusion, much like the Ramadan dinner they had.

Oh, no, John. Well, Ramadan, yes. But the Bushes have always been one Hamishah mishapha. Even as far back as the campaign, I remember schmoozing with them in their sukkah at the Bush family ranch. The Big Maher himself was there with Lauren the girls. I have to interrupt, Stephen. Yes, that's what the ellipsies means.

That's what the ellipsies means. Although it brings a smile to my pupik. Are you telling me that the Bush girls actually came home from college for the Jewish holiday of Sukkut? They did, John. But they didn't stay long. They found a bottle of Manashevets, and that's the last we saw of them.

So wild they are. Why can't they settle down? Always with the running around. It's a Shonda, John. They should find some nice boys. I have a cousin just their age in dermatology school. Handsome, you wouldn't believe. Wow.

Well, this certainly has been insightful, Stephen. Stay down there in Washington and enjoy the rest of Hanukkah. No, John, I told you. Hanukkah was last night. Stephen, there are eight nights of Hanukkah. Eight nights? You squeeze eight nights out of a candle lighting? Good luck.

That's a lot of ladkas. Bach to you. Thank you very much, Stephen. At Capital One, we're more than just a credit card company. We're people just like you who believe in the power of yes. Yes to new opportunities. Yes to second chances. Yes to a fresh start.

That's why we've helped over four million Canadians get access to a credit card. Because at Capital One, we say yes, so you don't have to hear another no. What will you do with your yes? Get the yes you've been waiting for at Capital One.ca slash yes. Terms and conditions apply. When a new story falls through the cracks, Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call back in Black. It's just a couple of more weeks until Christmas.

when Christians celebrate the birth of Santa. Meanwhile, us Jews are celebrating a real miracle. Some lamp oil that lasted longer than we thought. Because if there's one thing we Jews love, it's a bargain. But for some reason, Christians are now trying to include us in their holiday season. And it's not making any sense. Hallmark Christmas movies have been a staple for the channel for years. Now they're debuting to Hallmark Hanukkah movies.

As the Washington Post reports, there's just one problem. Neither movie is a Hanukkah movie. There are Christmas movies with Jewish characters. Joel, Brooke. In holiday date, a woman hires a Jewish actor to pose as her boyfriend and join her at her family's house for Christmas. But the family grows suspicious about whether he knows how to celebrate. You're not sure if Jews know how to celebrate Christmas? You mean that holiday that gets jammed down our throat every year?

The second Halloween ends, I can't even buy a cup of coffee that doesn't look like it fell out of Santa's ass. Trust me, Jews know how Christmas works. It's not like we're going to walk into your Christmas party and say, oh, my God, it's a tree. Indoorse. Call a lumberjack. I don't want a holiday movie where a Jewish person learns about Christmas. I want a movie where a Christian person learns about Christmas. I want a movie where a Christmas. has to learn about Hanukkah.

A night one, we get socks. A night two, a notebook. A night three, a pen and pencil set. It's a back-to-school holiday. But if you thought a fake Hanukkah movie was toned death, put this in your stocking and stuff it. Online retail giant Amazon just pulled several controversial Christmas items from its website.

The items, including Christmas ornaments, bottle openers, and mouse pads depict the Auschwitz concentration camp. Amazon says all of the products in question have been removed, adding that all sellers must follow our selling guidelines. An Auschwitz Christmas ornament. Look, I know we say to never forget,

but when you're decorating a tree, you can take the night off. This is crazy. Christmas has nothing to do with the Holocaust. Santa's list and Schindler's list are very different lists. But if you have to think of the Jews at Christmas, why not get them a little something to show you care?

Like this guy. Last week we told you about a controversial auction of Nazi memorabilia in Germany and knew this morning a Swiss businessman purchased many of the items, including Adolf Hitler's top hat. He said in order to keep them out of the hands of neo-Nazis, Abdelah Chitila said he will donate the items to a Jewish group. He said he paid more than $600,000 at the Munich auction last week. I appreciate the gesture.

But who cares if a neo-Nazi gets their hands on Hitler's top hat? It's not like the hat will magically turn them into a super Nazi. All you get is a skinhead who looks like Mr. Peanut. And giving Hitler's hat to a Jewish group isn't going to do anything. They're just going to take turns shitting in it. Although, come to think of it, that sounds like a pretty good Hanukkah to me. We thought Hitler's hat could only hold one turd, but it held eight. What a mitzvah.

And by the way, are we sure this is real? We've all seen pictures of Hitler, and he's never wearing a top hat. Personally, I think this was just a scam to get people to buy fake Hitler stuff. And that's the kind of scam I want to get. in on. So, hey, neo-Nazis, perhaps I could interest you in Hitler's ninja. That's right. That wasn't a mustache on Adolf's lip. That was residue from a delicious kale smoothie. Act now, and I'll even throw in Mussolini's fidget spinner. Trevor? Lewis Black, everyone. Many American Jews celebrate a completely different holiday called

How come we don't get to celebrate Christmas? It's actually called the Republican Jewish Coalition Forum. It's celebrated every four years. For this holiday, Jews commemorate the miracle of incredibly religious Christian presidential candidates fighting over who loves Jews more. And lo, God provided the Hebrews two good-looking Mormons. looking Mormons, though they had prayed for but one.

Well, to be honest, none. They wanted Giuliani, but that's not going to happen. So who will win that took his kiss off? Karen and I have been to Israel. We bought out one of those tiles that said, pray for the peace of Jerusalem. And we have that on our kitchen right above our sink. Ah!

So Santorov opens with I have one of your chachkas. And I was also thinking about buying one of them glass birds that looks like they're drinking. Maybe has a little tiny hat, top hat that says Israel, but, you know, wouldn't fit in the luggage. Can anyone top Santorum? I feel, as Cheryl shared with you, a very special connection to Israel when I first visited the Holy Land, repeatedly been to the Western Wall, that most sacred symbol of where Jewish pilgrims gather to today.

Nice. Anybody can grab a souvenir tile at the duty-free at the airport. You went to a ruin. That's going to be tough to be. The day after I graduated from high school, I left and I took a plane, and I went to work on a kibbutz. Holy shi! We have a winner!

Oh my gosh! She worked... She worked on a kibbutz. Michelle Bachman loves Israel so much she was willing to join a socialist collective. Wow. So you love Israel. But what would you as president do for Israel?

Strategic aid in all forms under a Perry administration will increase to Israel. The United States will stop Iran from getting a nuclear weapon, period. Iran's Ayatollahs, will not be permitted to obtain nuclear weapons. The United States will move our embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. I will get on a plane on my first day as president to Jerusalem and put a Palestinian in a headlock.

I will give them a wedgy. Nerple twirple. Bachman is killing it. Let's check in on how she's doing on the Yamacometer. Oh, seven. Oh, she's doing it. Oh, a superstar of David! Wow!

All she really needs to do now is stick the landing at the end of her speech. Hit it! Shalom al-Aqa. All right, though, good for you. Nice to throw down a little of the Hebrew at a Jewish forum. That was nice. That takes a lot of... He has a lot of chutzpah.

Yeah, yeah. I was going to say chutzpah. I was going to say chutzpah. But okay. In the end, the big winner at the forum was one Newt Gingrich, who received state of the union-esque applause, standing ovations,

and the kind of laughter that Jackie Mason would kill for and has. I will in the acceptance speech challenge the president to seven three-hour debates. I will concede in advance that he can use a teleprompter. Did you hear that?

We did not add the lady going, gna-h! That's how funny Jews think teleprompter jokes are. Could Mitt Romney, Newt's main rival, match him? He got applause. He actually, too, got a standing ovation at the end of his speech. Things are looking good for Mitt. Remember the George Costanza line. When they're laughing and applauding, you sit down.

That's all right. Oh, misquoting Seinfeld in front of a Jewish audience. That's going to cost you. See, first of all, as not a George Costanza line, it's Jerry's line. Showmanship, George, when you hit that high note, you say good night and walk off. And you got the line wrong. It'd be like standing up, they're going, like the fascist soup vendor used to say, I'm afraid that I am out of delicious soup.

Ah, ah, ah, uh, uh. Newberg! How does that affect Romney's rank on the Yamacometer? Oh, is that real mention? Oh, he's down to... Oh, I have no candidate! I have no candidate! Interestingly, the one candidate absent from the debate was Ron Paul.

He's doing very well in the polls. But according to RJC, executive director Matt Brooks, Paul was left out because the Republican Jewish Council rejects his misguided and extreme views on Israel. Oh, wow, misguided in extreme. Oh, my God. Has he suggested Israel has no right to exist, or that it be exchanged for Rhode Island

and a state to be named later? Congressman Paul, would you cut aid to Israel? I would cut all foreign aid. I would treat everybody equally and fairly. Good call, not inviting any presidential candidates to your forum who might disagree with you. Wouldn't want to turn it into a debate. You know, if there's one thing Jews can't stand,

it's arguing. by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.