The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | International Diplomacy

Episode Date: March 14, 2025

No one does diplomacy quite like America. Revisit some low moments in international statecraft with The Daily Show.  Jon Stewart picks the Fruits of Democracy with a look at Iraq/Iran relations, then unpacks a diplomatic mission from Great Britain to cheer up the USA. Turns out Everybody Hates U.S., but only because we've been doing some light spying... Finally journalist Ronan Farrow sits down with Trevor Noah to discuss his book "War on Peace: The End of Diplomacy and the Decline of American Influence."See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Now, whoever our next president may be will face many challenges, especially in the foreign policy arena, the greatest of which may be how to deal with the overwhelming volume of goodwill left over from still President Bush's, let's call it, two-term democracy-spreading jamboree. To examine the bounty one of these lucky contenders will be reaping, we check in with our new segment, Fruits of Democracy. Tonight, our latest democratic offspring, Iraq.

Did you know our baby turns five this month? And you're not going to believe this, she's already having play dates. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad became the first Middle Eastern leader to visit Iraq since Saddam Hussein fell. Of let's say natural causes. Now obviously a visit from the Iranian leader to Iraq prompts some concern. And still, President Bush has a clear message he'd like the Iraqis to deliver to Ahmadinejad. The message needs to be, you know, quit sending in sophisticated equipment that's killing our citizens.

Stop exporting terror. The international community is serious about continuing to isolate Iran. A strong message to send. But the Iraqi government owes us. I mean, they owe their life to us. Certainly the president's message will be delivered. Here's Ahmadinejad getting off the plane. Obviously they're going to hit him.

No sugar coating, just direct and stern. Listen, mother------. Wait, what? Okay. There appears to be kissing. All right, now here's where they execute him it's no he's being greeted by a child with flowers okay a red carpet and a child with flowers okay okay to the untrained eye that may appear to be gracious maybe even a warm welcome but I do want to point out that that little girl gave him chrysanthemums and everyone knows he's an orchid guy so that's a bit of f*** you.

Okay that's a nice reception there. Let's compare that to what happens when our president visits. He has to arrive unannounced under cover of night. Is it me or did Al-Qaeda blow up the sun? Or did Al-Qaeda blow up the sun? What? It's just nighttime? Phew. I say, few out loud. Phew. Not a lot of people read that.

Phew. Not only did Ahmadinejad announce his arrival in advance, but he was able to drive the infamous airport road that our people can only chopper over, walk flak jacketless outside the green zone, and visit some of Iraq's holiest sites, which we are not allowed into. Um, uh, hey, uh, Iraq. Can we,'t make this clear, but we think the guy from Iran is a bit of an Ahmadikinijad. Um, and we're out there all day with the surging, and you're back there sharing sweetbreads with Johnny Leisure Coat?

Did you think we wouldn't find out? I don't want to say anything, but one phone call and you get this. That's right! We can put those statues right back where we found them, mister! After we built you an entire green zone, we could have gone with any color, but you wanted green. We wanted lavender, but no.

It would be nice when our sworn enemy visits your country that you give him a slightly tougher reception than the one he gets at Columbia University. Mr. President, you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator. Hmm? You know, it's things like this invasion clearly strengthening the hand of the person our president believes is the greatest threat to the world's security that makes me think maybe this whole thing was a mistake. I promised myself I wouldn't do this. We'll be right back. Don't look at me. For those of us invested in the U.S. economy who aren't able to consistently avail ourselves

of the urgent contradictory mumblings of the CNBC oracles, times have been tough. We're down in the dumps, feeling like perhaps this time there'll be no rabbit to pull out of the hat. And perhaps America's time is over. But you know who's hearing none of that talk? Our best pal, British prime minister gordon brown your creation of america was the boldest possible affirmation of faith in the future the future you have

built with your own hands people said it couldn't be done but america did it america is not just the indispensable nation you are the irrepressible nation. Now get out of bed, slugger, and go out there and invade the subcontinent. How must we be when Britain is trying to cheer us up? That place gets like two hours of sunshine a year. It's like a coffee list Seattle.

Not that we don't appreciate the effort. Clearly Brown likes Obama. So what type of relationship will they have? Will they be unlikely partners like Bush and Blair, inspirational allies like Roosevelt and Churchill, or will they have more of a cool black guy, white nerd vibe to them? Like Hitch. Or Silver Street.

Gordon Brown's not going to be copying Obama. Or is he trying to horn in on Obama's mojo? At this defining moment in history. This defining moment in history. What we need is real change. Change is essential. It is that American spirit. It's the essence of American spirit.

All of us are going to have to work together. Let us work together. We have to seize the moment. We should seize this moment. What are you a Barack Obama cover band? Gordon Hopefoot and the Yes We Can Five? But in this buddy comedy it was the white guy who taught the black guy something. Prime Minister Gordon Brown showed up to Washington like any decent house guest bearing gifts. Brown brought Obama a pen holder made from the timbers of the Victorian anti-slave ship

the HMS Gannet, which is the sister ship of the HMS Resolute from which the Oval Office desk is carved. That is a fantastic gift. Thoughtful, unique, entrenched with layers of deep meaning that connect barack obama's ancestral past to the lineage of the presidency interwoven the centuries-old special relationship between the united states and britain is a gift wrapped inside a present stuffed

inside a thoughtful gesture it is a hallmark turducken what did our new president give in return? Well, he gave the Prime Minister 25 DVDs. He gave the guy a DVD box set? Guys are visiting a head of state, not a PBS donor. You live in the White House, it's a museum, give him some from your new house. Harding's chair, the Eisenhower's platoon, the Taft toilet desk.

More of a necessity than a luxury luxury he couldn't move very fast. Of course the UK is just the tip of the Obama world reconciliation plan. We're also trying to reconnect with Russia. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had a meet and greet with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov. I wanted to present you with a little gift. Please don't be DVDs, please don't be DVDs, please don't be DVDs. Mrs. Clinton presented the foreign minister with a little box with a button on it and a sign that said, reset. We want to reset our relationship.

We worked hard to get the right Russian word. Do you think we got it? You got it wrong. I got it wrong. It should be perezagruzka. This says peregruzka, which means overshot. Oh, and one more thing. Putin's father was killed by a red button. Other than that. So, did the button work to reset our relationship with Russia?

Let's do it together. So we will do it together, okay? That's not going to help. We'll be right back. Our top story. New reports that could make our already icy relationship with the country of Pakistan colder than a witch's frozen dessert treat's tit. Two influential human rights groups are out with scathing new reports this morning

about US drone strikes overseas. The groups claim more civilians have been killed in Pakistan than the US has acknowledged. The new prime minister is not gonna be very happy about all of this. Oh, I'm sorry, Pakistan. I didn't know you didn't like your citizens being sky-sassinated

on the whims of a foreign superpower. We thought you were cool. I guess it's unfortunate. But a good thing is I guess we can just lay low for a while and then just get back in touch with Pakistan when the wounds aren't so fresh, you know? Tonight, Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif is at the White House for his first face-to-face meeting

with President Obama. Oh. Oh. Awkward. Boy, that's the sort of meeting when you really need old Bo in the room, you know what I mean? Just to have something else to talk about, like, yeah, I know those drone strikes are f***ed up. Hey, look, he loves that bone, though.

He really loves going for that bone. Oh, look at that, he's licking his own ass. What were we talking about? Munching again. I'll tell you who Obama wishes he was right now, Secretary of State Kerry, because when this went down, Kerry had the good luck to be visiting our ally, France. Kerry's timing could not have been better. The timing could not have been worse.

As U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry stepped off the plane in Paris, he was immediately embroiled in an embarrassing controversy between France and the U.S. Oh, what do we do, France, to cause a controversy? What do we drink out of the bidet again? What happened? Did we call sparkling wine champagne again? We know the difference. We just don't give a f***. Do we make a mockery of your most cherished athletic event

by having an American win it seven times in a row through a sophisticated blood doping scheme? That last one we did do, actually. Is that what it is? The National Security Agency spied on millions of French citizens, according to the leading newspaper Le Monde. Oh that.

Awkward. Good thing our top diplomat's on the case. At the end of a day of rapid developments, Mr. Kerry offered this explanation. Kerry said to the French, quote, nations be spying, yo. This ambassador knows what I'm talking about. Actually, that's not really what he said. This is really what he said. As President Obama said, very clearly in a recent speech

that he gave at the United Nations General Assembly just a few weeks ago, he said, we in the United States are currently reviewing the way that we gather intelligence. By reviewing the way we gather intelligence, we mean from now on, we're going to try and do it secretly. In our defense though, our monitoring 70 million French conversations wasn't espionage, it's just French phone calls are all so hot.

It's like a nationwide sex line. Even French people talking about their mortgage payments, it's all like, oh mon chéri, when can we own the room, oh the 2.5% APR, my loans, they pay for your deposit. Huh? Your other bank, you must never tell her. And by the way, all right, we're spying on France. Not like we're spying on our other allies.

In what appears to have been a blunt and embarrassing phone call today, the Chancellor of Germany told President Obama to stop tapping her phone. Ladies and gentlemen, my impression of how that phone call went. Hey, how are you, Angela? What do you mean? You know how I am. Although it is impressive that we managed to put a tap on the actual chancellor herself.

Who could have gotten close enough to do something like that, I mean, it's, oh my God! That's what it was! He was planting the bug! Unbelievable. White House. You got some explaining to do, White House. I can tell you that the president assured

the chancellor that the United States is not monitoring and will not monitor the communications of the chancellor. Is not monitoring. Will not monitor. I think you're missing a tense there you got your you got your present progressive there and you got you got your simple future but you're missing your past progressive aka the we were not where's your past progressive tense Jay Carney by way, that joke brought you by grammar.

Grammar. Grammar. Yeah. Grammar. Yeah. Grammar. Yeah. Grammar.

It's the rules what make your mouth feel dumb. All right, so Pakistan, France, and Germany might have a few tiny reasons to be mad at us. We can come back from this. In Mexico, many remain angry over reports the NSA hacked into the former Mexican president's email. The Brazilian president said she was forced to postpone a planned trip to the U.S. following

reports the NSA spied on her personal communications. Complaints from nearly 40 other countries over revelations that the National Security Agency has been spying on their internal communications. Awkward. So what are you guys saying? We have a problem? We're somehow addicted to paranoid snooping on everyone and everything around us?

How dare you? I am so offended. I bid you good day. But as a parting gift, if I could just leave this right here. It's just, it's an innocuous toaster. Don't use it. Just when you're saying things,

if you could make toast, we would, rest of the world, meet me at camera three. So you guys are all upset. We're spying on you and drones striking you and you're really upset. but I just have one question Have you met us? Meddling in your affairs for our national self-interest is kind of our thing What part of everything we've done since the Monroe Doctrine don't you get I mean bugging your phones pretty weak tea for us

Do you know how much cigar shrapnel Castro is still pulling out of his ass? It's pretty weak tea for us. Do you know how much cigar shrapnel Castro is still pulling out of his ass? Besides, if it makes you feel any better, our government isn't doing anything to you that they're not doing to us. See? Right there. Boom. Boom.

They're spying. Get this. They're spying on our studio, and I'm literally saying that into a camera that is going to broadcast. It seems kind of redundant. I don't even know. Okay, I didn't even know about that one. buying on our studio, and I'm literally saying that into a camera that is going to broadcast. It seems kind of redundant. I don't even know, okay, I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one.

I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one.

I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. I didn't even know about that one. So look, world, you want an apology? Fine, we're sorry that you forgot that we are kind of dicks. But you know what?

All nations act in their own self-interest. Don't act like your don't stink. It does, and we know because we have a super secret program that goes through your. But, by the way, Germany might wanna ease up on the everything you eat and drink. France, you don't like our hubris now? You sure liked it when we were handing off the Vietnam War to us?

Hey, can you guys hold this war for us for just a little bit? We just got something to do over in Algeria. And Pakistan! We know that some of those drone strikes were at your request, and by the way, when were you going to tell us that Bin Laden was crashing on your couch? And you! Germany, when were you gonna tell us that Bin Laden was crashing on your couch? And you! Germany! Yeah, you.

Do I really have to justify myself to a country that invaded Poland because they thought Poland was looking at them funny? So get over it. Or better yet, turn that frown upside down. Don't think of us as an overly aggressive, paranoid superpower. Think of us as what overly aggressive, paranoid superpower.

Think of us as what anyone's looking for in a partner. Good listener. A great listener. The best listener in the history of the world. So before you say thank you, I would only ask one thing. Can you say it a little closer to that toaster? We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. And now, let's get to the show. My guest tonight is a Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist who writes for The New Yorker and is the author of the new book, War on Peace, The End of Diplomacy and the Decline of American Influence. Please welcome Ronan Farrow. -♪ Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, who Hello. Welcome to the show. A pleasure to be here. You are an overachiever in the journalistic world. So many people talk about all the stories that you're breaking.

I mean, the Me Too movement was broken by your story. Like, I mean, it's what sparked a movement. Well, there were very brave women who were sources. There were great activists who preceded that. But I'm honored to have been a conduit for some of those stories. They were tough to tell. They were tough to tell for the women involved. There were great activists who preceded that, but I'm honored to have been a conduit for some of those stories. They were tough to tell.

They were tough to tell for the women involved. They were also tough for you to tell as a journalist. Like, we read all these stories about Harvey Weinstein and these people that he was hiring. Were you ever afraid? Is that a point where you go like, maybe I shouldn't break stories. I'm just gonna tweet 10 most likely things

that people wanna click on. I mean, I'll do that too. Cat-listicles are the future, guys. Right. But it is true. Look, there was intimidation. There was a system designed to shut down these stories and that affected not just me,

but a whole range of brave journalists going up against this thing. And sure, the moment when you find yourself deciding, do I go home tonight because I'm getting staked out? And if I do go home, I go in with my keys and I'm looking under the bed and putting back the shower curtain. It's like, okay, either I'm crazy or actually the story is stranger than fiction. And as it turns out, what we were able to break is he was hiring former Mossad agents,

combat-ready operatives that were, in fact, following people around using false identities. The news that you just broke today, for instance, or that just broke today is a story of how the Trump administration was secretly hiring a bunch of people who were trying to get into the Trump around using false identities. The news that you just broke today, for instance, or that just broke today is a story of how the Trump administration was secretly hiring an Israeli team of spies to dig up dirt on people who worked on the Iran deal.

Is that correct? In fact, the same Israeli spies from a firm called Black Cube. The same as the Harvey Weinsteins? That Harvey Weinstein hired. And in some cases using the same false identities and front companies that I heard from when I was getting stalked by these guys.

Wait, so explain to me just a little bit of the details. So they were hiring these people not to undermine the deal itself, but to undermine the people who put the deal together. Why? So that's the surprising part of this. These are policy wonks, you know? These are Obama advisors.

And, you know, These are Obama advisors. And, you know, we don't have all the answers yet, but sources close to this and documents that we obtained at the New Yorker show very clearly there was a seemingly political in focus operation designed to smear them, seemingly all connected to their work on the 2015 Iran deal. It's interesting because this sounds less like a story

you would hear in a first world country or a country that claims to be pro-democracy than you would in a country that's totalitarian. You talk about this in the book, War on Peace. The end of diplomacy and the decline of American influence. It really speaks to, in a way, what's happening with the Iran deal. It seems like Trump and his people

do not care about the diplomacy that America conducts in the world. It's now just become war or no war, talking or no talking. Why do you think that's happened? Yeah, these stories all connect. Look, these are individuals fighting desperately to save a deal because they believe

if we unilaterally as a nation back out of the Iran deal. For all its imperfections, it's worked in its narrow goal of containing them for a time. And if we back out, their fear is it drives a wedge between us and our allies, and it potentially sends a message to North Korea and other rogue states that we don't want to be sending, that they shouldn't come to the table. And as you suggest, this is all connected. They are getting smeared and intimidated.

It's in a context, as I outline in War on Peace, where their profession is endangered, where people who make our deals and negotiate and hopefully secure options for addressing conflicts around the world that don't involve going in guns blazing, they are under attack, they are getting fired en masse, people don't understand what they do anymore, and more and more that work is being outsourced to the military, to our spies, to the intelligence community.

That's interesting because you spoke to every living secretary of state, and you spoke about how America's diplomacy has been on the decline. This isn't something that started with Trump, but it may be accelerating now. Is this a sustainable way to conduct oneself in the world where it is military first, diplomacy second?

Well, what I chronicle in War on Peace is, in place after place, when we sabotage opportunities for political settlements and peaceful ways out, and we go in shooting first, it really comes back to haunt us, Trevor. Again and again, we see situations where we end up lying down with warlords and strongmen and unsavory characters,

and then we have no leverage over them, because we have fired all of the diplomats who could negotiate and play hardball in that way. Right, and if you look at the current situation, there are countries where America doesn't have a diplomat right now, there are countries where there is no one handling that high-level negotiation.

What happens in that case? Yeah, so you're exactly right. This is happening to a new extreme right now. Donald Trump has unceremoniously fired, basically, ambassadors across the world, assistant secretaries that run some of the most sensitive regions in the world. So we have an understaffed, unmanned diplomatic operation. There is precedent for this before.

We've seen other administrations, Democratic and Republican, sort of sideline diplomats and see how disastrous it is. But this is new in terms of what an extremist is. And when you look at the consequences, we see situations where there are active opportunities to make peace and we just give them up. We see situations where you could bring people

to the table potentially and spare brave service men and women going into the line of fire, and we give those up. It's a real problem. And I'd also point out, for people who kind of don't want to think about those high level talks, these are also the people that screen dangerous interlopers from coming into the United States.

That stamp your passports that save you if you're kidnapped abroad. This is unglamorous work, but it's life saving. It's life saving, it's integral, and it's currently crumbling. It's a fascinating book. You're a fascinating man. Thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you, Trevor it's currently crumbling. It's a fascinating book. You're a fascinating man.

Thank you so much for being on the show. Pleasure to be here. Already appreciated. War on Peace is available now. Roland Farron, everybody. We'll be right back. Thank you. Thank you.

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