The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | Tech Yeah! With Grace Kuhlenschmidt
Episode Date: August 14, 2026Grace Kuhlenschmidt keeps us in the loop with the latest tech trends, like Mark Zuckerberg’s new AI clone, underwear that tracks your farts, a chance to bring your dead granny back with AI, and the ...robot monk that can officially marry you -- Go to https://Quince.com/dailyshow for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. -- The Daily Show airs weeknights at 11/10c on Comedy Central. Stream full episodes on Paramount+ Follow TDS: YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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You're listening to Comedy Central.
Technology one day will kill us all.
But until then, it's pretty cool.
To find out more, we turn to Grace Koolenschmidt in our new segment, Tech Yeah.
This Kluen Schmidt, aka Gracie Gadgetts, aka GoGo Gadget Grace, aka Little Identity Thief.
This is Tech, yeah, where I tell CPU all about the biggest stories in tech.
Bibo bop, bimobop.
Just kidding, I'm what I wish I was.
But let's jump into Hyperdrive with OpenAI's big announcement last week.
Get ready to never know what's real again.
Open AI, the company behind ChatGPT, rolling out their newest video generation tool called SORA 2.
Users simply type in what they want to create.
The model spits out video of exactly that.
Say, for instance, you want it to skydive to the North Pole.
AI generated videos of celebrities who have passed away have been trending on social media platforms in recent weeks.
London, are you ready?
Tonight we move together as one rhythm, one dream.
Let the beat drop.
They said AI would help us reach a new golden era of civilization.
And they were right.
I'm going to shake that ass to this bop.
That the one thing missing from the civil rights movement was EDM.
And looks like my boo, Sam Altman.
And yes, the real MLK would probably say SORA is an abomination.
But lucky for us, AI MLK would say, R-Me-A-I-Di-Hard's won't be limited to smartphone videos for long,
because we're getting AI on the mother-teching big screen.
Her name is Tilly Norwood.
Let's get to know each other and thanks for watching.
She's Hollywood's new It Girl, but Tilly is not real.
She's AI generated.
Tilly Norwood is the first creation.
is the first creation from a new studio
that develops AI actors.
According to deadline, multiple talent agents
have shown interest in signing the AI actress.
Um,
is the new it girl, suck it Dame Judy Dench.
Tilly has broken the glass ceiling
and also the entire economic model of Hollywood.
You go, girl, Hollywood for years,
and now everyone gets paid nothing.
AI actress like Tilly is,
you can make a guy,
her do anything. And fellas, yes, I know what you're thinking. You can put her in cars.
And not just cars, cars two and three and eventually four. Lightning McQueen is a total
f***ie should have had legs.
Here's save money on an intimacy coordinator because neither of these characters have real
genitals. But oh my god, I know we always stay dead. Moving on, everyone is always asking
me. Hey Grace, this AI stuff is super cool, but when will I get to rub my hungry human skin
up against my very own robot Travis Kelsey? Well, buckle up, you techno-perbs, because that time is now.
Hundreds of robot athletes competing in the world's first robot Olympics. The Chinese government
is hosting this three-day event where humanoid athletes show off their skills in martial arts.
And with the 400 meter race,
is it just me or does that guy look tired?
China is calling this the first three-on-three
humanoid robot soccer match.
These athletes seem to putt around,
excel in face plants,
and some even had to be carried off the pitch.
To that poor robot,
but don't worry, they'll dip him in rice
and he'll be back on the pitch in no time.
The best part about these robot athletes
is they come pre-programmed with CTE.
which means they have all the on-field violence and off-field murders.
It's a win-win!
Robot athletes are so freaking cool, god!
Sound means it's time for Grace's tech tip of the day.
For my casual tech users out there always make sure to have a strong password.
For example, mine is $17 mulls dollar sign.
It's the exact number of moles I counted after accidentally walking in on my grandfrey.
NACADY BANDY BANDYSKI.
And the money sign is because they make you pick a symbol.
But don't steal mine.
You'll have to walk in on your own grandfather naked
and get your own password.
Now, unfortunately, AI isn't without controversy.
With any new technology, there are always the haters,
or as I call them, f***ing losers.
AI is transforming the way we live,
but that transformation comes with a cost.
energy experts warn the electric grid is not ready for the coming wave of AI-powered data centers.
By 2034, data centers around the world are expected to consume roughly 1,580 terawatt
hours yearly. That is about as much as is used by all of India.
Oh my God, we're getting a second India. Extra electricity, I can finally use my toaster in the
bathtub without stressing. Trust me, bagels tasting.
Betta in the tub.
Saw these warnings about AI are making me wonder.
Is AI truly beneficial?
Or will this new technology usher in the dark ages of a computer-driven world
where our natural resources are sucked dry to feed a machine overlord
who forces us to serve the very creations made to serve us?
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What's up all my home keys and 5Gs?
I'm Grace Kool-N-Schmidt, but some people call me GROC-Koo-N-Schmidt, because you can ask me
anything.
And I love picturing people naked.
Mm, Judy Dench.
This is Techia, where I tell CPU all about the biggest stories in tech.
Let's start with a story about the spine,
which is the HDMI cord that goes from your mainframe to your printer.
Trust me, this thing never runs out of ink.
But turns out tech is warping our necks, our backs, our shoulders, and our traps.
Increased smartphone use can lead the...
what's being called Techneck. It's when you lower your head just so while scrolling so that
little lines form on your neck. 60% reports spending at least five hours a day looking at their
screens, which causes pain, stiffness, headaches. Okay, if Technic is a thing, then call me the
throat goat. Now when I breathe, I sound like a pug. It's so...
TECNEC is a badge of honor, like a boxer's cauliflower ear, or a twink's blown out back.
Shows you've put in the work.
This is the next stage of evolution.
First, man evolved to walk upright.
Now we've evolved to walk around hunched over, re-watching that video of Lenny Kravitz
splitting his pants.
For some weird reason you don't love your hot ass hump, there's a simple cure.
Could the solution to all of our Technic woes be as simple as getting some of the way?
some tummy time. That classic technique that babies use to strengthen their own necks and backs
is now catching on with adults. Not appropriate to do like at the office, but you can work this in
at home, guys. Oh, come on. I can't do it at work. I act like a baby. Hey, Ronnie, first heard
the cure for tech neck is tummy time. I was like, hang on. I'm saving that for my wedding
night. In a virgin for weeks. He might be ruining our bodies, but don't worry, robot bodies are
stronger than ever. In China this week, dozens of humanoid robots will be racing against
humans in a half marathon. It's going to feature more than 100 robots, some fully autonomous,
others remote-controlled. Last year, a human took home first place. This year, the teams are
pushing the technology to see if the robots are going to take us all out. Wow. They, in very
rented a Kenyan robot.
This is a huge, huge help for sanitation workers
because robot marathoners can't shit their pants.
Yet.
Trust me, when I say there's absolutely no downside
to teaching robots how to chase us down,
think how early I'll be to everything
if I'm running for my life.
Plus, this is so awesome as a lady who loves playing tag
but doesn't have any children.
I'm so sick of going to the play
and asking little boys if they want to be it.
I get it, moms.
You don't want me talking to your kids,
because they're slow as f***.
But jocks aren't the only ones getting digital.
Nerds are two, including the King Nerd himself.
Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly training an AI clone
with his image and voice, along with his mannerisms,
tone and public statements.
Meta may start allowing creators to make their own avatars
if the Zuckerberg experiment
goes well.
Unfreaking believable!
After decades of technological advancements,
we finally invented a way to make Mark Zuckerberg
seem lifelike.
And it captures all of his signature facial expressions,
like angry, happy, scared, sunscreen.
It was lucky enough to get a sneak peek at AI Zuck,
and it did not disappoint.
In our short conversation, I learned
so much, mainly that men aren't for me.
But unfortunately, when Daddy Zuck opens an AI door,
he closes an AI window because he just announced
they're shutting down a huge part of the Metaverse.
Sorry, I'm getting a little emotional.
I'm gonna miss the Metaverse.
There's so much to do in there, like this.
Wow, this is so cool.
Hello?
Anyone want to do tummy time?
Well, that's all for this edition of Tech Yeah.
Tune in next time when I show you how to turn off ad blocker.
No Sapiens.
I'm Grace Coolen-Schmidt, but you can call me by my first screen name,
The Color Purple 29.
Inspired by my favorite color unrelated to the film about domestic abuse.
Sorry, Oprah.
Tech Yeah, where I tell CPU all about the biggest stories in tech.
Let's begin with some news from a town I've been told I'll never working again.
Hollywood.
Where the city of angels just might be turning into the city of AI angels.
Two of the biggest stars in the world, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise,
apparently duking it out on the roof of a skyscraper,
but it's completely fake, digitally created with AI technology.
It's the video that has Hollywood freaking out.
You killed Jeffrey Epstein, you animal.
He was a good man.
Crazy.
I literally wrote a movie with that exact scene in it.
Great mind.
Why everyone in Hollywood is freaking out.
This looked so real.
Right down to the glimmer of hope in Tom Cruise's eyes
that this stunt would finally be the one that kills him.
Some haters are worried that it's going to destroy the entire film industry
and ruin countless lives along the way.
Well, you know what?
That's what Hollywood gets for not careful.
Asting me in sinners.
Michael B. Jordan gets to be two people,
and I can't even be in one of the many cunnelingus scenes.
Make that make sense!
You can't make it in Hollywood.
You can always fall back on your second dream job.
Waymo has come up with a low-tech solution for a high-tech problem.
Customers are leaving doors open after exiting the self-driving vehicles,
making them inoperable.
Waymo is now paying nearby door.
door dashers to shut the open doors so the driverless cars can pick up their next passenger.
Yes, it's just like they say, when God closes a door, he can make six bucks on door dash.
Some this is, most people are stuck in an office all day, but you, you get to drive around hunting for open car doors.
And if you close enough of them, you get to eat dinner. The future is amazing.
be great at this job. I love closing things. Gates, trunks, coffins. I don't care if the
funeral is open casket. Your grandma is busted. Moving on, because it's time for tonight's
study that makes you go, hmm. Tonight's study is all about this. Dancing. If you've
wonder why some guys light up the dance floor while others look like they're swatting invisible
flies, science may have the answer. In the study by Northumbria, University of
Volunteers dance for 30 seconds while motion sensors tracked and removed.
They were later turned into faceless 3D avatars so allow women to rank the routines.
Men rated as good dancers showed more variety and upper body movement while repetitive moves and stiff twisting scored near the bottom.
As to this cutting edge tech, scientists have confirmed what we already suspected.
Women love men having seizures.
My cousin has epilepsy and he is drowning in pussy.
It's very useful because now we know if you're a good dancer and can't get a date, you ugly brother.
Of course, you can't just dance to attract women.
You need to have the perfect pickup line as well.
Luckily, I know just the one.
You killed Jeffrey Epstein, you animal.
He was a good man.
Yeah, that's a panty dropper.
And speaking of underwear, if you, like me, love for.
putting gadgets in all the wrong places, have I got a tech and product for you?
Researchers are looking for volunteers to put on a new type of smart underwear designed to
track human flacculence and also stress tests them.
University of Maryland scientists say that the garment has a snap in device, which acts
like a glucose monitor, but for intestinal gas.
And it says that it could open the door to measuring gut microbiome metabolism.
That is the smell of innovation.
And falafel, sorry.
But I love this product, finally a way for health nuts to get in their 10,000 farts a day.
Get two, one for the back and one to track my cooter tutors.
I swear, when those two get to yapping, I'm like, you gals should start a podcast.
Learned from this data so far.
Previous studies asked people to estimate, and they guessed between 10 to 15 times a day.
testing has revealed something interesting.
We found that people farted an average of 32 times per day.
The average person farts 32 times a day?
Imagine if you're an above average person.
Like, Beyonce must be farting 6,000 times a day.
What a lucky horse.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
I must be part of this study.
Well, bad news, because due to overwhelming demand,
enrollment in the fart tracking study is currently paused.
But lucky for you, I'm conducting my own study.
All you have to do is email me every time you fart
at the color purple 29 at grace countsfarts.com.
Well, that's all for this edition of Tech Yeah.
Tune in next time when we debate
which one of these pictures has a motorcycle in it.
If I get this wrong, it's over for me.
Tech bags, I'm Grace Kulin-Schmidt.
aka Go Go Gadget Grace,
or as my brothers like to call me,
C3, pee my bed.
Love you, Pete and Alejandro.
Yeah, where I tell CPU
all about the biggest stories in tech.
I just got back from the Consumer Electronics
Show in Las Vegas,
and it's true what they say.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,
especially when you lose your fingertip
in a robot's eGyna.
PES will.
was all about products designed to make our lives easier.
For example, we're all so tired of listening to music
with our ears.
But good news, now you can do it with your teeth.
Check out Lollipop Star.
It's candy that plays a song when you put it in your mouth.
I can hear someone singing and like music.
It just sounds like I'm listening to an MP3.
It uses bone conduction technology
so only you can hear it.
There are truly voices in your head now with this,
Lollipop.
More voices in my head?
That makes it a baker's dozen.
In tech, incredible!
I'm so tired of headphones that don't feature bone conduction.
And just so you know, the music lollipop doesn't work in your butt.
A little heads up would have been nice.
Yes, didn't just introduce us to cavity-causing music.
It also showed us the tech and future of haircuts.
Lied is the world's first smart hair.
first smart hair clipper that doesn't need snap on plastic guards. Instead, it uses an
auto fit blade system that automatically adjusts the cutting length as you move it around your head.
The goal is to make anyone an instant barber, but the company did admit that cutting the sides
is easier than the back.
I always wanted the same haircut as an abused Barbie doll.
Part is no more going to the barber and accidentally drinking that blue water because I thought
it was Gatorade.
CES isn't just for making our lives easier.
This year it also showed us the AI of the tiger.
Robots were everywhere at CES 2026.
There were robots that dance.
We saw robots fighting humans.
At CES 2026, Unitary is letting people kick the absolute crap out of their robots.
They're actually like tough.
Think he's done for us.
Thinking I'd love to beat up a small child, but without having to feel too bad about it.
Love this video, good news, because this robot has already agreed to fight Jake Paul.
I could spare parts versus a cute little robot.
Let's go!
All the robots at CES wanted to knock us out with their fists.
Some just wanted to knock us out with their brains.
This is Aria Vision.
She is the very first robot being unveiled today with who she can actually see you.
She could look at you. She could tell you what you're wearing.
Wow. She can tell you what you're wearing.
Tell you how many times I've been dying to know what I...
It mirrors. You're wondering.
It's like pippy long stocking survived a fire.
Wish granted.
I also want you to meet Aria and David over here.
Hi, Aria. How are you doing today?
How are you today, Aria?
Hi.
She's saying hello.
What are you doing today at the CES?
Do you want it?
Is it on you?
When you fell off the assembly line at a Shane Dong warehouse?
What that is so depressed, it can't even talk.
She reminds me of my mom.
David, judging by that sculpted face,
I can already tell he's gonna be an absolute diva
in the Fire Island house.
I'm certifying Aria and David as tilfs.
Technology, I'd like to focus my attention on.
And I'm for tech, yeah.
Yeah, tune in next time where I'll show you how to avoid dropping your phone in the toilet by shitting in your yard.
Up my techno nerds. I'm Grace Koolen Schmidt, aka Coolant Tech, aka Gracie Gizmos, aka Lil Wire Fraud.
This is Tech, where I tell CPU all about the biggest stories in tech. And to our future
robot overlords watching, I say, but-da-ba-be-bub-ba-ba-ba-bo.
I can say that because I slept with one robot.
But let's hop into warp speed and fly over to Russia
for the release of a robot that'll blow your tech in mind.
Russia's first humanoid AI robot made its debut in Moscow this week,
and it definitely did not go his plan.
It feels like a real person, because I also have a drinking problem.
He fell, he took 27 shots of machine oil.
You should see me after three.
I'm literally in the hospital bimonthly because the human body cannot handle machine oil.
It's taking our jobs.
Every job this robot takes, they have to hire two guys to pick it up all the...
Sad that I'll miss out on the robots taking over our planet.
But good news, here's something that'll keep us technophiles alive for tech and ever.
A tech company offering an app that allows you to keep a grandparent.
or other loved one alive for generations.
To create a digital granny,
you record three minutes of video
while they are still alive.
The AI app copies their image,
mannerisms, and voice.
Hey Charlie, how is school today?
It was really fun.
I made this crazy shot in basketball.
I don't really care that much about basketball.
What about my interest?
Just like a real...
Don't wait for my grandma to die
so I can turn her soul into data.
Me are nervous to have grandma live on the same device
you watch porn on.
But next time you're struggling to pick a category,
your grandma can chime in like,
Grace, anime milfs with big naturals.
Billie Trudey Sinkia.
The most beautiful part of this technology
is that it lets you say things to your dead relatives
that you regret not saying while they were alive.
Like, I'm sorry, I unplugged your ventilator to charge my phone.
And I'm sorry, I kept trying.
charging my phone so I could post about you dying.
And I'm sorry for deleting the post after it didn't get enough likes.
I just wish this technology was around a few years ago
so my grandpa could have attended my wedding.
People said our love wouldn't last because she's a robot and I'm white.
But love conquers all.
And finally, all this new technology is so tech and beautiful.
It makes me want to sing, but luckily AI can do it for me.
He's a ruggedly handsome country singer with a strong voice destined for stardom.
Well, hold on to your cowboy hat.
He's 100% all AI generated.
His name is Breaking Rust, and now his song Walk My Walk is number one on Billboard's
Country Digital Song Sales Chart.
I am shocked a guy named Brayette.
Breaking rust isn't real.
That makes him so much hotter.
I've been throwing my panties at my computer
just to get his attention.
This is exactly what country music is all about.
And decimating the power grid
of a small Midwestern town.
Yeah.
You're probably wondering,
can this technology write a song about anything?
Yes.
Just how easy is it to create a song
completely generated by AI intelligence?
What I'm going to do is create a song,
about the TV show Inside Edition, simply by typing in here,
make a song about the TV show Inside Edition.
This is literally the song I make love to.
You wouldn't believe how horny I am right now.
Some of you might be thinking, wow, I do not like the idea of AI replacing human creativity
with digital slop.
And that's a good point, but here's a counterpoint.
I'll teach you how to turn any car into a driverless car by simply letting go of the steering wheel.
Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair.
Ever order furniture online and wonder what if?
Like, what if it doesn't hold up?
That sofa was four days old.
You should have ordered from Wayfair.
With Wayfair, there's no what if.
Just style you love and quality you can trust.
Visit Wayfair.com.
Wayfair, every style, every home.
To all my computer geeks, AI freaks, and tech companies harvesting my medical data.
Can one of y'all tell you, girl, why her stool so pale?
I'm Grace Kulenchman, and this is Techia,
where I tell CPU all about the biggest stories in tech.
Let's start our Texcapede with pasta.
It's Italian for noodles.
I know when it comes to tech,
pasta might not be the first thing that comes to mind.
But if you think Nyoki can't low-key be techie,
your macaroni.
The popular pasta sauce company, Prego, is joining the tech world by officially launching a device that sits on your table and records dinner conversations.
The connection people, it will record your dinner chats, and then you can upload them to be preserved the Library of Congress.
Mama me, that's a spicy listening to Vec.
Seriously, this is awesome.
You know how at dinner your sister's always calling your mom a dumb baby?
now that will be forever preserved in the Library of Congress's sauce aisle.
I can't wait to start using it, although full disclosure, I did drop my Prego thingy
into a boiling pasta spaghetti sauce, but no big deal.
I brought it to the Prego Genius Bar where an old Italian woman chase me with a wooden spoon
going, What's the matter?
You, this is my house.
Moving on, as I always say, you've heard.
heard of the movie Snakes on a
plane. Well, now it's a
robot. You've heard of the movie
Snakes on a plane, well,
now it's a robot.
The humanoid named Bebop
even had his own seat. At first,
everyone was delighted as
the humanoid entertained them before
boarding the Southwest Airlines flight in Oakland.
But when he took his seat on the plane,
the fun ended. Turns out
his lithium battery was too big
and had to be removed,
delaying the flight for an hour.
What? Delayed by an...
These flights are so expensive.
You should get more time.
Personally, I don't care if this robot delays the flight
or if his batteries a fire hazard
or that he keeps trying to kick through a window.
If you don't want to sit next to a suicidal maniac,
then don't fly Southwest.
But I will give them credit
for letting Bebop board the plane before everyone else.
Listen, military veterans deserve our respect.
Just not as much respect as dancing robots.
Of course, robots aren't just flying the friendly skies.
They're also driving the unfriendly grounds.
Delivery robots have been making an appearance in cities across the country,
but a man from New Jersey was injured in an accident with one.
Sarah Ahern saw a food delivery robot pull into this street in Jersey City,
directly into the path of a man on a bicycle.
I saw him go through the intersection, and the next thing I saw he was in the air.
He says the cyclist came crashing to the pavement while the robot tried to drive off.
Robots can flee a crime scene just like us.
And good luck giving the robot the electric chair.
They went to high school together.
But these minor incidents are just the cost of the progress.
Imagine the world will soon be living in.
An AI assistant orders you lunch.
Within minutes, a delivery robot is at your doorstep covered in cyclist blood.
You answer the door in nothing but a towel and invite the robot in.
But oh no, you don't have any cash on you.
You ask the robot if there's another way you can pay for your pizza.
And the robot says no and drives off.
Wow, that's hot.
Now, speaking of desire, this next robot just gave up all its earthly ones.
This is Gabby, who's just become the first robot monk to be ordained.
at a Buddhist temple in South Korea.
At a ceremony in Seoul, he pledged to devote himself to the faith.
How tech and cool!
Being a Buddhist monk is not an easy feat.
You need to be bald and have hands.
And this fella is doing both in a major way.
And you know this robot will be a good robot monk,
because if not, he'll be reincarnated as Guy Fieri's colonoscopy camera.
Now, not to toot my own horn,
but I've always known that robots wanted to be religious.
But you all said it was inappropriate
to put a yarmika on my Roomba and call it a jumba.
Well, look who's laughing now.
Rivka, my jumba while she watches Seinfeld, it's her culture.
Well, that's all for this edition of Tech, yeah.
Join us next time when I name drop a bunch of products
in the hopes I get some free stuff.
Kindle, Macbook, Pringles, haircuts.
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