The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | Thanksgiving

Episode Date: November 26, 2025

Pop your earbuds in at the dinner table and listen to this instead of your weird uncle, as The Daily Show gives thanks for the food, the family and the Black Friday violence that makes Thanksgiving so special. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you fly an Emirates business class and you're picked up by your private luxury chauffeur-driven car, you'll see that your vacation isn't really over until your flight is over. Fly Emirates, fly better. You're listening to Comedy Central. Thanksgiving. More than anything, it's about family and friends. But if you don't have any of those either, it's about filling that void with turkey.

And even though 45 million of them gets slaughtered every year, one lucky bird always gets away with it, at the traditional presidential pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey. And here on this farm in Virginia, you'll find all the pardon turkeys from the last 12 years, living out the rest of their days. Where are the turkeys? Ask good old Farmer Brown.

He knows. The breed is genetically designed to grow fast and put on a lot of muscle. Probably much more muscle than their small legs can hold. Well, at least it's not painful, right? Um, you know, it probably does get painful, but, you know, we try to keep as comfortable as possible, um, and let them do what they were supposed to do. Which is... Die. Ah, Thanksgiving's not just about turkeys anyway.

It's really about the children. Happy Thanksgiving! The children never forget the thanks in Thanksgiving. What are you guys thankful for? The poodle that I sleep with? The poodle that you sleep with? Okay, a little unsanitary, but sweet. Who else?

I'm thankful for my underwear. Underware. What else? What else? The good food. Now that's Thanksgiving. Right, right, right. Now, who knows what percentage of Americans are dangerously obese?

Huh? Forty percent. Right. And 300,000 people die of obesity-related illness every year. And you know what that means. More turkey for me. But Thanksgiving's also about history. Now, who else are we thankful for?

The Indians! Good, good. The Indians. After all, they were the honored guests at the first Thanksgiving. But whatever happened to them? We asked Native American George Stonefish what his people will be up to this holiday. All Native Americans identify Thanksgiving as a national day of morning. Because they have nothing to be thankful for.

Their lands have been taken and they have been oppressed. The pilgrims brought syphilis, smallpox, that to some estimates killed off 90, 95% of the population. So of course it has to be a national day of morning. Why should Native Americans be expected to forget the arbor and greed that has been characteristic of the arrival of the European or remains such today.

So on a day like that, what kind of pie does one eat? In the end, I guess Thanksgiving is a time to remember what genocidal fatties we all are. Happy Thanksgiving, Schofold. If I get another one here? Let's check in with Produce Pete Steve Carell with a very special Thanksgiving edition. Thanks, John.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and this pilgrim is feeling pretty proud of his suck attach. Now, sounds funny, but it tastes all right. It's a traditional suit made of corn, beef, fowl, and salt pork. Salt pork, yummy yum. Add some turnip potato and boiled beans. Now make sure your turnip is a green topped turnip. You can use a purple top and a pinch, but under no circumstances should you ever use

a yellow rudabega. I don't recommend it, they're pilgrim. I know some of you think I'm some kind of joke. I know some of you think I'm some kind of joke, but you know, you use a yellow rudabega and you will ruin the suck attach. You will ruin Thanksgiving. I've ruined a few.

I'm not a, I'm not a joke. Let's talk about Thanksgiving, which I still can't believe is a real holiday. I asked someone what happens on Thanksgiving, and he said, well, we all get together and eat. And I was like, so it's dinner. And it is.

Thanksgiving is when Americans clog up airports and the arteries. But maybe this year, times are changing. This morning, with Thanksgiving just days away, the new wave of prescription weight loss medications are altering how many will approach their holiday eating. With the average American consuming

more than twice their recommended daily calories on a typical Thanksgiving day, drugs like Ozzympic, Weigobi, and Munjarro can be a game changer for those battling with obesity. Doctors suggest if you're taking these medications, be prepared to manage your feasting expectations. They enable people to have a couple of bites and then say, I don't need to eat a large portion of this. That was enough. This is the most American story ever. Big Pharma created a drug to help America.

Americans eat less, and now they're having anxiety over what they're going to do on the eating holiday. Although I will say, OZMPIC is great for people whose parents can't cook, okay? No, Mom, I'm not hungry because of the OZMPIC. It's not because your dry turkey tastes like shit. And it's good when you can get past the binge eating and focus on the real meaning of Thanksgiving. Friends, family, and remembering the time the Pilgrims and the Native Americans shared a meal and watched the Super Bowl, and nothing bad ever happened after that, ever. For more on this Ozzympic Thanksgiving,

let's go live to Michael Costa. Michael. Michael, how will Ozmpic affect Thanksgiving this year? Well, it definitely comes with its own problems. If everyone in the family is eating less, that means most of the food is going to waste unless you take it to the homeless shelter. But come on, that's like a 20-minute drive.

Okay, but I mean, I guess the family could just make less food. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not go that far, okay? There's actually a much better solution. Gluttonol. It's a new drug that dramatically increases your appetite during the 24 hours of Thanksgiving. You inject Ozempic into your thigh.

You inject gluttonol into your neck and boom, your deep-throated Aunt Karen's fingerlings, all night long. Yeah, okay, but isn't that gonna f*** up your metabolism? Oh yeah, big time. If only there was a drug

that could fix that, well, guess what? It's called Compoxo. You pop a couple of these pills up your butt and your metabolism is evened out for the day. Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. Costa, you're putting these drugs up your butt at Thanksgiving table.

Won't that weird out your family? Oh, it will, which is why you'll have to drug your family. Introducing happy narol. It sends everyone's oxytocin levels through the roof. Just slip a tablespoon of this in the gravy boat and let the hugging begin. Okay, wait, isn't oxytocin the hormone that makes people horny? Yes, yeah. A family orgy is a possible side effect.

Which is why you need Demerolin. Put a few drops in your eyes, and voila, you're as flaccid and dry as grandma's brisket. Now, you do have to take it at the same time as the butt pills, otherwise you'll die. Okay, okay. Stop, stop, okay, this is dumb. Instead of people taking all these drugs,

why can't they just not eat as much? Oh, I'm so sorry that some of us need a little help to eat less and then eat more, and then talk to our family without having to. having sex with them. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry.

Okay. I guess I just wish there was a way people could enjoy life without putting drugs in their veins and up their butts. Well, there is, Ronnie. Introducing cocaine. Cocaine is one of the... Enough, enough. Michael Cox, everyone.

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What better way to celebrate the white man's dominion over Native Americans than slowly parading giant inflatable children's characters down the street? It's like we're daring them to shoot it down with an arrow. Daring them! If you still got any fight in your engine, there goes the Pillsbury Doe Boy. But this year's parade saw a frightening

incident. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm Gretchen Carlson. Some problems today at the Macy's Thanksgiving parade in New York City. An 11-year-old girl and a 26-year-old woman were injured when a giant balloon hit a lamp post near Times Square. Surprisingly, the balloon that caused the damage was not

Disney's new float, the Lamp Post Whacker. Instead, they really should not let that float in. Instead, it was this float, the M&M balloon. float, which I'm assuming hit the lamppost because they weren't paying attention because they were so busy sodomizing each other. What? Why are the M&Ms doing that? That, what?

Oh. I don't think that parades until June. The, all right, so it's a strange little incident. A couple of M&Ms go off track, hit a lamppost. Why am I bringing it up? Because if you were watching NBC's live coverage of the parade, you didn't see or hear anything about the accident because NBC didn't report on it.

Instead, they re-ran last year's footage of the M&M balloon's less bumpy ride while having the Today Show host, Lauer, Corrick, and Roker read a script live that made no mention of the incident. Now, because of today's windy conditions, these characters are on video, and if we told you they were not in a panic, we'd be full of hot.

They may be thinking color us clueless as they flirt with trouble. Will these classic candymen get out of this delicious dilemma? Hard to say, but when it comes to sweetness, yellow and red continue to melt your heart, but not in your hand. I don't know what those guys make on the Today Show, but whatever it is, uh, it's not worth it. In their defense, this is hardly the first time. This is hardly the first time float coverage

has been journalistically compromised. I think we all remember the event in 1937. Beautiful day here at New Jersey as the Hindenburg prepares to land. Yes, with a ride on the Hindenburg, your worries will plunge, and you'll have a scorching good time. Do we have any footage of last year's landing?

No. It never landed here before, you say. Hmm. Can I get a rewrite on this? Happy, please. Next week, Americans will celebrate Thanksgiving. But maybe while you're biting into your turkey, you should be thinking about black people.

Roy Wood Jr. explains why in another edition of CP Time. The only show that's for the culture. Today, we're going to talk about Thanksgiving, the holiday where we gather our families to give thanks for our many blessings. It's also the holiday when your nephew comes home from college with a lot of new, woke ideas. I don't give a damn what you say, Theodore.

I don't think dolphins should get to vote. Don't even have hands. Anyway, what many people don't know about Thanksgiving is that from the very beginning, Black people have been involved in this American tradition. In fact, one of the first pilgrims who came to America was black. We don't know this man's name because the ship's records only describe him as a blackermore, a term used to describe someone with dark skin from North Africa.

In other words, Black ormore was the pilgrim's way of saying, that black guy. Back then, there was so few black people in America that everyone knew. who you were talking about. Today, that would only work in Seattle. Now, food is another area of Thanksgiving where black people have made major contributions. Black people such as James Hemings,

who trained as a chef in France, but unfortunately in America, he was one of Thomas Jefferson's slaves. James introduced the dish that we all know and love today, macaroni and cheese. Everyone knew about macaroni, but no one thought to throw cheese on top of it. Thanks to James Hemmings, we now know that anything

tastes better if you just add cheese. Macaroni, potatoes, fridge fries, hamburgers. I add cheese to everything. My doctor says I've got five years to live. But it's going to be a delicious five years. Finally, what would a Thanksgiving Day celebration be without football? a beautiful tradition that allows you to spend time with your family

without having to actually talk to them. And even Thanksgiving football is a tradition that involves black people from the very beginning. In fact, the first NFL game played on Thanksgiving in 1920 featured Fritz Pollard, who led his team to victory. Even more impressive, Fritz went on to coach the team, fulfilling a dream that every black man has had for hundreds of children. hundreds of years, yelling at white people,

and getting paid for it. Interesting fact, my great Uncle Bebo was also a part of that historic Thanksgiving game. He was the gold post. It's good, Bibo. Well, that's our Thanksgiving episode. And from all of us at CP time, happy holidays to you and yours.

And remember, for the culture, ooh, I wonder if this would taste good with cheese on it. It tastes good with cheese on it. Mm-mm. Four more years. Thanksgiving is coming, and everyone's arguing about CDC guidelines for pilgrims being problematic.

But what about the non-political Thanksgiving issues? For those, I'm here to argue with random strangers on the street and prove me wrong. Thanksgiving edition. Thanksgiving is the worst holiday. I said it. I said it. No. Why? What do you mean? Why?

Family gets together. It's being grateful. It's all- It already sounds terrible. But it's fun peeling vegetables with family. Family. We do it together. Pealing vegetables? That's your big argument? It's not the worst holiday because Columbus Day is a holiday.

So there are worse. Wait, so you actually genuinely have a good time at Thanksgiving? I do have a great time. Just how much we do you guys smoke during Thanksgiving? to get through it. Depends how much extended family is there. So what is the worst holiday? I have to say, and God forgive me, I'm Irish,

but St. Patrick's Day can be really brutal in the city. St. Patrick's Day is amazing. Because on Thanksgiving, people get mad if you get blackout drunk. You got to travel, which is terrible on Thanksgiving. You don't miss this travel. Well, okay. Haven't you heard of Zoom? Oh man, after two years of Zooming nonstop,

I would love to zoom on my day off with my family. That sounds amazing. It's supposed to be one peaceful day about being thankful. thankful, you know, being thankful for like your family. Did you not receive love as a child? Yeah, that's another thing to bring up with family during the holidays, whether we receive enough love as a child. Did you?

Yo, this is starting to feel a little bit like therapy. Okay, so just so you know, I'm not paying you for this. All shoes should have buckles, prove me wrong. Ah, I think shoes should just, you know, not have buckles or laces or... Well, let's look at what the f*** you're wearing. Wait, are you wearing dress, The crux. Look, pilgrims got a lot of stuff wrong.

Genocide, not great. Turkey, you could pick a better animal to eat. But buckles, dude, they nailed it. First time, boom. Okay, buckles aren't appropriate for every occasion. Like what? Uh, if you're gonna hit the beach, you gotta pop on some flip flop. Pilgrims landed on the beach with buckles.

But don't you want your feet to like breathe, be open? No. I don't need people's feet to breathe. I'm not Quentin Tarantino. They'll make shoes more expensive. Sure, but isn't part of the appeal of footwear that they are expensive as f***? That's Nike built a goddamn empire base of that. But speaking of Nike, a lot of shoes they sell come with Velcro shafts, not buckles. Yeah.

I feel like that's more convenient. If you're a goddamn child, then yeah, get some Velcro. But if you're an adult, put it on a buckle, like an adult. Pumpkin pie should replace apple pie to a year-round pie. Prove me wrong. Pumpkin pie has no taste. It's got no taste. What the f***?

Have you ever eaten? It's got no taste, dude. What? Have you- First of all, that's racist. If you think it tastes better, then wouldn't that make it more special to only eat it once a year? This is America.

When you like something, you do it every day until you get sick of it. And then you do it some more. Technically, with hedonic adaptation, if you do it less often, then like you get to experience the full pleasure of it. Oh man, I feel like I just ate some turkey. Okay, Mr. Pilgrim, first of all, when you go to Mom You don't sit down and she gives you a pumpkin pie. She gives you a slice of apple pie.

You tell me why you would mess with America and you would mess with mom. Yo, hey, you're talking about moms? Yeah. I'm trying to help moms here. It's way easier to make pumpkin pie and an apple pie. Just open a can and dumb that shit in, you see? That's what you do.

Look at that. You're desecrating a mother again. Open in cans. Those are the second-rate moms. Whoa. Wow. Now you're hating moms. No, I'm not hating moms.

This person hates moms. This person hates moms. Only a dad would. dad would recommend that you must be a dad hey that's never been proven in court apple has more variety like you can play around with it you know pumpkins just aren't as varied so you get sick of it sooner that's also argument in favor of how complicated apple pies are you have to like pick an apple there's like 50 different variety you have to pick a pumpkin too no there's only one pumpkin there's no red delicious pumpkin kabocha what

kabocha japanese pumpkins no that's a squash stop trying to take away my pumpkin pie i don't squash pie on pumpkin pie yeah you're instigating the crowd now people getting mad at you because you're wrong you're wrong i have psychology on my side you're wrong we're gonna start a fighting union square about this right now pumpkin pumpkin when your kid comes home for school or whatever then you say oh a pumpkin a day keeps the doctor away no that's stupid that's just stupid you can't do that you give him an apple yeah but i don't give my kid apple pie to make him live longer nobody likes pumpkin pie It doesn't make you feel good. It doesn't make you feel homie.

It just doesn't... It doesn't do anything for you. It's just a piece of crap. Well... That's why they can only have it once a year. Well, I guess you win, and so you know what that means. I get the hat too? Yeah.

Be careful you wish for. Lots of dumb people come up here and argue with. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. But with the price of groceries these days, A big dinner could be more expensive than buying Yeezys for your Lamborghini. Fortunately, Desi Leidek has come up with some tips for celebrating Thanksgiving on a budget. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. They say that this year is going to be the most expensive Thanksgiving ever.

Inflation is hitting everything, groceries, cookware, decorative gourds, even the really ugly, bumpy ones. I know I'm tightening my belt this year, but don't worry. You can still have an amazing Thanksgiving without breaking the bank. Let's start with the turkey. This year, turkey prices are almost double what they were a few years ago. But there are still deals out there if you know how to shop smart. For instance, did you know that you could get factory reject turkeys at Butterball outlet stores nationwide?

This one only costs $10. And it has three necks, so there's even more to go around. You can also check Craigslist for some perfectly good, gently use. turkeys. Now why should this go to a landfill just because one person already owned it? But if your turkey budget is zero, here's a great hack. You just trace your hand. Now we're going to want to do a little beak and some googly eyes. voila! How cute is this little turkey? Now you're going to want to drench this bad boy in olive oil.

No one likes a dry turkey. We're going to want to roast this at 400 degrees for about one hour. Of course, you can't have turkey without stuffing, but you don't need to take out a second mortgage or start an only fan to pay for all the ingredients that you need. Most of us have perfectly good stuffing already right inside our kid's teddy bears. I'm just going to want to get in there.

Just going to want to take the stuffing. the stuffing, scoop it out, just shove it in that bird, get it in there, roast it. It's going to soak up all those flavors and really help the turkey keep its shape. And the best stuffing is right in the face. There we go. But let's talk side dishes because this is where the dollars can really start adding up. One of my favorites is mashed potatoes. They're delicious and I have a simple trick for making a little.

little go a long way. So you just make one mashed potato, chew it up. Mmm, mm. Spit it back out. And then you want to just pass it around the table for everyone to enjoy. They're mashed anyway, so it will not affect the texture or flavor at all. What about drinks? Most of the grown-ups at the table are probably going to want a nice glass of wine, especially when Uncle Steve starts talking about QAnon. And that can get expensive fast. But fortunately, you can get the same pleasant buzz at a fraction of the price with paint thinner.

I'm detecting notes of my garage and just a hint of the previous owners of my house who left this behind when they moved. This also pairs well with the hallucination. Now to the most important part of the meal. Dessert Pumpkin pie can get expensive, whether you're making it from scratch, buying it from the store,

or buying it from the store and saying you made it from scratch, then carrying the shame and guilt of that lie for the rest of your life. But why spend money when we already have so much pumpkin spice stuff around the house? the house. Like this scented candle I got for my Secret Santa three years ago. It's an absolute garbage gift, but wait until you taste it in a dessert. Just cook it at, I don't know, 200, 500. Honestly, it doesn't even make a difference because as you can see, it comes out perfect every time. Mmm.

And for all of you thinking about holiday weight gain, wax is not digestible, so no worries there. Comes out the same as it goes in. Am I a turkey? Finally, if you really want to save money on Thanksgiving, just remember the original spirit of the holiday and Do what the pilgrims did. Steal. They stole food, land, even valuables from Native American graves.

So why not take a page from history and steal whatever you need? Hey, with Christmas around the corner, go ahead and steal whatever you want for that too. Look, I'm Santa. Ho, ho, ho. Ooh, my paper turkey's ready. Hmm, yum.

Yum. No. Shit. Shit. I got to get this. Evacuate. Evacuate. It's almost Thanksgiving.

That time of the year, you've got to listen to all your worst relatives complaining about things that they just don't understand. And this year, the complaining started early. Macy's has been drawn into the car. culture wars facing backlash this morning over its annual Thanksgiving Day parade. Nearly 20,000 people have signed a petition blasting the upcoming event as a quote, non-binary and transgender extravaganza.

They're upset that two non-binary Broadway stars are scheduled to perform, including Alex Newell, who just won a Tony Award. The group behind the petition claims Macy's does not have the best interests of children in mind. What? Wait a minute, sorry, did I miss something? Did we solve world hunger?

Is war over? Is the homeless crisis done? Because a strangest genitals in a parade is literally the last thing someone should be worrying about right now. When it comes to parades, the only thing you're allowed to complain about is the traffic. Y'all do so much complaining. That's why your turkey tastes like burnt asshole. Because you're focusing on the wrong thing.

Put the internet down and pick up a turkey baster. Who's even watching the parade nowadays? Did you not finish all of Netflix? To be honest, for a long time, I didn't think that the Macy's Day parade was even a real thing. I thought it was just a make-a-wish thing for Al Roker. For more on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, let's go live to Macy's in Harrow Square with Dulcee Sloan.

Dulce! Hello! With me! What? What do you make about the people complaining about this parade? I mean, I think they need to figure out what they want. I mean, they're so obsessed with gender roles and who's got what genitals. then do we want to make the balloons anatomically correct?

Do they need to see Clifford's big red dong coming down the street? And what about SpongeBob? What's in them square pants? And can we talk about the fact that he's a kitchen sponge in the seat? See, that's always bothered me. You know what? We need to get that figured out before we talk about his dick. Listen.

Parades are gay. All right, to their court. Listen, you got colorful costumes, choreography, ponies, and Charlie Brown's serving face. And everyone is happy. Only gay people can do that, all right? All parades are gay pride parades.

Well, you know, not every parade is gay. What about the Klan March? still pretty gay Miss Leslie Think about it That marching is choreography Those robes That's a costume

And once again Ponies Now they're not serving face Because you know But You know not everyone can I mean Thank you

Thank you Okay, Dulce, let me ask you something. What type of parade would make you happy? Ooh, I thought you never asked. Okay, all right, picture this. Okay. Morris Chestnut, right? Leading a troop of Morris Chestnuts.

Dancing under a balloon of Morris Chestnut. And rounding up the back as an oiled up Morris Chestnut roasting over an open Doolset. How can we make that happy, girl? Girl, I started to go fund me. Come out. Get a UFO. Now giving up a dual face, no.

This is our final show. We have next week off, and as you know, next week is Thanksgiving. Here with some thoughts on the holiday. We have an author of note, woman of letters. Please welcome our new senior historical content. text correspondent Sarah Vowell. Sarah Vowell, nice to see you. How are you?

Let me be the first to say this. Happy Thanksgiving. Take that back, Stuart. What? Take it back. Why? Thanksgiving. Such an inferior holiday. Especially when there's a much better one the day after. More stirring, more inspirational.

It is called evacuation day. That's a little crass, don't you think? I mean, you're on NPR. I know people eat turkey and rich foods, but I think what happens after that? I already miss books. Evacuation Day commemorates the last British troops fleeing Manhattan at the end of the Revolutionary War in 1783. See, I thought that was in 97. You know, we signed the treaty of Paris in September of 83.

Yes. Was that 18 or 17th? Was it? You're familiar with July 4th, 1776? Yes. I am. The Declaration of Independence. That's right, Timmy. But you know, the war didn't all take place on that one day. It started before that, and we fought the Red Coats for seven more years. Yes, yes, yes. So why was Evacuation Day?

Day such a big deal? Well, as the Declaration of Independence was being signed, 400 ships full of big, bad, lymie bastard started showing up in New York Harbor to crush the piddly little army led by George Washington. Washington's troops were whooped, embarrassed, and humiliated until they retreated to New Jersey in shame. I believe that was the New Jersey.

That was the New Jersey state motto for a while. What was? Retreat here in shame. That's right. This is about you. Instead of the fact that this defeat meant that the British occupied our beloved New York for the next seven years. Well, I'm sure they were, you know, pleasant enough occupiers, famous for their hospitality. They had puddings and pies.

They incarcerated thousands of American POWs in the these heinous, rotting prison ships anchored in the East River. More American soldiers died in these New York prisons than in all the battles of the Revolutionary War combined. Combined. Well, it sounds like a lovely holiday. So instead of Thanksgiving, you want Americans to celebrate the 18th century Abu Ghraib.

No, I want us to celebrate victory. Washington's triumphant return to the city he lost. Americans are always so excited about the beginning of a war. What if we celebrated how we used to be good at ending them? All right. I'll bite. So how do we celebrate evacuation day? Well, they used to reenact the evacuation's most dramatic moment

when a prison ship survivor, Captain John Van Arsdale, climbed a flagpole, ripped down the despicable union jack, and put up the stars and stripes. To the cheers of the crowd. Thus, later, evacuation day, shindigs often included pole climbing contests. Wow. Wonder why that holiday ever died out.

Well, you know who I blame. You can only assume Hitler. No. Abraham B. Lincoln. What? Lincoln? What? When Lincoln made Thanksgiving a national holiday, evacuation day ended up like one of those shows

scheduled opposite American Idol. We stopped honoring the 11,000 loyal patriots who perished on those British prison ships. They were offered freedom. They just swore allegiance to the crown, and they refused. You remember what Patrick Henry said? Yes. Mission accomplished.

No, give me liberty or give me death. But do you know how he died? He's dead? Yeah, yeah. But he died a quarter of a century later on his farm of stomach cancer. prisoners they literally chose death shouldn't we thank them instead of some Mayflower cruising Jesus-free corn rustlers you know sir thanksgiving has a parade oh you never heard of the Macy's evacuation day parade what are those what are those

balloons those are inflatable lice prisoners were so hungry they were known to snack on the lice off their shirts well I'll make sure to get my kids down there the night before so we can watch them inflate the lice that would be that's a good idea just make sure they're home in time to watch the Peanuts Evacuation Day special can't anyone tell me why evacuation day is so much more meaningful than Thanksgiving you bet Charlie Brown evacuation day was a joyful relief from seven long years of hell thousands of Patriot Corpses were buried

buried in mass graves so shallow that body parts continue to wash ashore for the next 20 years. Evacuation Day celebrates the weasily slinking back of the British sons of bitches to the pathetic scumbag kingdom they called home. Good grief. Thank you. Happy evacuation day, John. Happy evacuation day, everybody. Sarah Vowl.

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