The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | The Constitution

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

Take a moment with The Daily Show to consider the constitution, while it still exists.  John Hodgman joins Jon Stewart to fix the constitution. Michael Kosta meets the man responsible for getting the 27th amendment over the finish line. Old Timey Jon Stewart checks in on Mississippi, the last amender, in 19th Century News. Trevor Noah hears Trump's argument to terminate the constitution. Author A.J. Jacobs joins the show to talk about his Year of Living Constitutionally.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Something unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley Season 1. Every time I hear about my dad, it's, oh, he's a killer. He's just straight evil. I was becoming the bridge between Jeremy Scott and the son he'd never known. At the end of the day, I'm literally a son of a killer. Listen to new episodes of Bone Valley Season 2 starting April 9th on the I heart radio app Apple podcasts wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to comedy Central. The national immigration debate is more contentious than ever, with growing fears of these anchor

babies we talked about earlier. Terror babies. Muppet babies coming to our shores. By the way, you should check out the new Muppet character, Anchor Me Terror Baby. Adorably destructive to our country. The trouble stems from the Constitution itself, specifically the Fourteenth Amendment's promise of birthright citizenship. The 14th Amendment granted citizenship to quote, all persons born or naturalized in

the United States, to protect newly freed slaves and their children and guarantee their rights as citizens. And last time I checked, I don't think we're having that problem anymore. I don't think the founders understood when they did the 14th amendment. It would create a circumstance where people could fly into America all over the world and have a child and that child would have dual citizenship. Okay, two things real quick. A, the founders didn't write the 14th amendment, that happened in the 1860s. And actually, Ben Franklin very much wanted to fly and have babies all around the world.

That's why he invented the sex kite. Anyway, does the Constitution need changing? For answers, we turn to John Hodgman in his segment. You're welcome. John Hodgman joins us. Thank you very much for joining us. I appreciate you being here. What is your take on the constitutional crisis? Well, the reality is the Constitution is badly broken and out of date.

Young people in particular never read it anymore, even though it's almost ridiculously easy to steal from the National Archives. Is that the actual Constitution? Well, I believe this Fifth Amendment says I don't have to answer that question. Alright, I understand. In fact, that means it's a good one, so we're going to keep it. There we go. Are you drawing on the...

Okay. Yes. How are you going to get young people involved in the Constitution? Well, let's start at the top, John. It's going to need a hip new name. Constitution. That's very negative a hip new name, Constitution. That's very negative, isn't it? Why not something a little more positive?

Why not a pro-stitution? (*audience laughs*) Actually, there's one reason I can think of that that wouldn't really be a good idea. Too late, I've already made the change. Ah! Which brings me to solution number two. Let's trim the fat.

I mean, basically, everything after Amendment 10 wasn't written by the founders, so that can go. Ah! And some prominent constitutional scholars think we can go even further than that. California, along with so many other states, defining traditionally what marriage is, and to see that third branch of government undoing the will of the people gets, it's frustrating.

Yeah, but the founders established the judiciary. Now just to abolish it because you don't agree with it, that seems... What? A few mallet-wielding brain-bullied lawyers overruling the will of the people? It's undemocratic, John. And it brings me to my third solution. Let's give the prostitution back to the people by putting it on the internet. I give you the Wiki prostitution. It's an open source document, a marketplace of ideas where the will of the people can finally speak. It already has 6,000 new amendments.

And as you can see, the people in their wisdom have outlawed anchor babies, legalized marijuana, and apparently we have banned werewolves. That makes sense, actually. Team Edward is very active on the Wiki prostitution. That's a fascinating document. I'm sure we'll stand the test of time. But it's hard to take arguments for changing the Constitution seriously

when some of those same people that you're showing normally talking about how the Constitution is sacrosanct. A lot of people don't think they have to enforce the Constitution as it's written. They'd like to enforce it as they would like it to have been written. I am so sick of people taking this Constitution. We're running it through the shredder. Every time somebody wants to do what they want to do. It took these guys a long time. They read a lot of books and a lot of history to put the principles together in this thing.

Wait a minute, John. That's Glenn Beck's defense of the Constitution. It took a long time to write. If that's the criteria, then that screenplay about the Noid that you started back in the late 80s will be the greatest document of all time. Believe me, that will be a great film. Anyway, you didn't play Senator Sessions' entire sound bite.

I believe the Second Amendment is a vital constitutional amendment. A lot of people don't think they have to enforce the Constitution as it's written. See, John, he was only talking about the Second Amendment. Guns, John. Of course we can't change that clause. Look, the founders made it Sharpie proof. I can't do anything to it.

Damn it. Their original intent is clear. See, that's the whole thing. They talk about the sacrosanct nature of the Constitution. When they like what it says, then suddenly they say, hey, that's not what the founders meant. They don't want to do that. They want to pick and choose the parts of the Constitution that they want.

That's the problem with this original intent business. We have the founders' words, but no one really knows what they were thinking, and they're not monolithic to begin with. No one, John? Or no one minus one? I should tell you that I'm a noted founding father psychologist. As you would know if you had read my book Men Are From Mars, James Madison was a godlike genius who could do no wrong and I am the only one who knows what he was thinking. Now how could you how could you

know what James Madison was actually thinking? Didn't you even look at the cover of my book John? I thought I did. I get it straight from James Madison's skull. What's that? What? John, in the unlikely event that a powdered wig wearing skull doesn't provide the guidance we need, what then? That's a ridiculous premise John, but I'll play along. After all, even James Madison recognized a higher authority at work. I'll play along. After all, even James Madison recognized a higher authority at work. Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant. They're quite clear that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments. See, that's what I'm talking about. The Constitution, when it suits them, the Bible, when it suits

them, it makes it sound like the Constitution is an amendment now to the Bible. Yeah, a lot of people think that that's true, but that's an easily fixed misconception. If you scroll down now to the new amendment 6666, I think you'll see that the Bible is now actually a prostitutional amendment. So it's all in there. And what about separation of church and state, which is in the Constitution? What's that, Mr. President? Excuse me?

What? Oh. James Madison said the separation of church and state was just their little joke. Thank you very much. John Hodgman, everybody. We'll be right back. I didn't know that.

["The Daily Show Theme Song"] Welcome back to The Daily Show. The United States Constitution. We all talk about it, but does anyone who's not Nicolas Cage really understand it? Well, Michael Kosta went looking for such a person in his new segment, Thank Me Later. Hi, I'm Michael Kosta.

Civic activism, does it work? Can one person make a difference? Tonight on Thank Me Later, we'll meet one man who did the impossible. No, not me. He changed the United States Constitution forever. I sat down with this American hero. And you can thank me later.

Hi, there. Hi. Uh, who are you? I'm Gregory Watson. I'm responsible for the ratification of the 27th Amendment to the Federal Constitution. That's right. This Lone Star Scholar got an amendment ratified to the Constitution, like the Supreme Law of America Constitution, as in the 1787 Founding Fathers Constitution. You're not a founding father.

You're more like a weird uncle of the US Constitution. Stepfather. Stepfather. So you are nice sometimes, but then sometimes you come home drunk and treat the kids crappy, because they're not really yours. Sometimes. I'm very familiar with the Constitution.

I'm a huge fan. Why don't you tell our viewers what the 27th Amendment is? Again, I'm very certain I know what it is. But go ahead. It says that when members of Congress want to adjust their salaries, they must wait until the next election has intervened. Now for you dumb-dums who don't care about our country, three-quarters of the states are needed to ratify an amendment. So how did this egghead get it done?

It all started in 1982 with a college paper that I wrote. I found a book in the library that showed amendments that Congress had approved but which not enough state legislatures had ratified. And I found this one from 1789. Whoa, whoa, wait. You're an undergrad. Yes, a sophomore. You're a sophomore who realized that this amendment, which was introduced in 1789, was still available to be ratified.

Yes. March of 1982, during spring break. During spring break? Spring break, no less. When I'm at the wet t-shirt contest in Cancun, you're realizing that the amendment can still be ratified in the U.S. Constitution. Yes, yes.

So you write this paper. Yes. I turn it in to the T.A. and get it back a few days later with a C on it. With a C? A C. And I appeal the grade up to the professor. She said she'd take a look at it. And when she came back a few days later,

she saw me sitting in the aisle, and she physically tossed it at me and said, no change. I decided right then and there, I'm going to get that amendment ratified. Wait a minute. Are you saying that this guy actually got a constitutional amendment ratified?

John, can you just stick to the reenactment? Also, you're meant to be 19 years old, so can you act like a hot teen? No, I can't. And so what happens now? Well, then I start writing those letters, pleading with members of the legislatures in those states to introduce a resolution at the state capital to ratify the amendment and it needed 32 states and when Maine ratified the following year in 1983 there was just no turning back. And that's the story of how Gregory Watson... Oh no, you don't have to look at the camera.

Why are you talking? I was just delivering my line. You don't, you don't, you don't narrate. Hang on, hang on. I'm John F**king Hodgman. I'm still on television sometimes. Okay. We're done. Okay, watch it now. And then what happens?

So I pestered and I badgered and I cajoled the state legislatures over the course of 10 years, and they ratified it. This whole time, I thought you'd be some Harvard Law constitutional scholar lobbyist to elicit change. You're really just a pain in the ass. Yes. When the 27th Amendment was finally ratified,

what did they give you as a sign of respect for your work? Absolutely nothing. You didn't get a thank-you card from... No thank-you card from anyone. Man, I was afraid I was gonna hear a sad depressing story like that, which is why I made this for you, Gregory Watson. This is a trophy commemorating you

on getting the 27th Amendment ratified. Beautiful. I shall treasure it for all time. Something unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley Season 1. I just knew him as a kid. Long silent voices from his past came forward. And he was just staring at me.

And they had secrets of their own to share. Um, Gilbert King. I'm the son of Jeremy Lynn Scott. I was no longer just telling the story. I was part of it. Every time I hear about my dad, it's, oh, he's a killer. He's just straight evil. I was becoming the bridge between a killer and the son he'd never known. If the cops and everything would have done their job properly, my dad would have been in jail. I would have never existed. I never expected to find myself in this place. Now, I need to tell you how I got here.

At the end of the day, I'm literally a son of a killer. Bone Valley Season 2. Jeremy. Jeremy, I want to tell you something. Listen to new episodes of Bone Valley Season 2, Jeremy. Jeremy, I want to tell you something. Listen to new episodes of Bone Valley, Season 2, starting April 9th on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to hear the entire new season,

ad free with exclusive content starting April 9th. Subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple podcasts. ["The Big Bang"] ["The Big Bang"] Welcome back. As you know, America is like a boy band, yes. That is the premise we are starting with. Each of our 50 states has a distinct personality. We've got the cute one.

We've got the rebel, rides a Harley with no helmet. We've got the one that pretty sure has a drug problem. But the thing about these states' reputations is they're hard to change. It makes you feel bad for someplace like Mississippi. Which every time it opens its mouth, because of its reputation, you're like, please don't say the N word, please don't say the N word,

please don't say the N word, please. You know, why has that state had such a tough time shaking its rep for bad race relations? For insight, let's look back at a classic episode of The Daily Show in tonight's segment, 19th Century News. ["The Daily Show Theme"] Hello. Greetings and salutations. My name is John Stewart, and given the times,

I'm obviously neither Jewish nor on television. Our top story this day in 1865 is that the state of Georgia has voted to ratify... We had over-the-shoulders in 1865? The state of Georgia has voted to ratify. We had over the shoulders in 1865. The state of Georgia has voted to ratify the 13th Amendment.

Oh, delightful. Being the 27th state to so vote, the amendment is nationally adopted and slavery is abolished in these United States. Oh, bully. Of course, there still remain a few stragglers who've yet to ratify the amendment. I'm looking at you, Magnolia State.

I mean, those square liters in Georgia ratified it. How much longer are you gonna wait? 148 years? I mean, that'd be ridiculous, wouldn't it? After 148 years, the state of Mississippi has finally ratified the 13th Amendment. And... And that's why and finally ratified the 13th Amendment. And...

LAUGHTER And that's why... APPLAUSE LAUGHTER That was unpleasant. But that's why Mississippi can't check its rep for bad race relations. So Mississippi, two things on the recent ratification. First, better late than never. And second, this is pretty f***ing late.

Why the sudden ratification? It's all thanks to Steven Spielberg's film, Lincoln. After watching the movie, two men discovered Mississippi was the last state which had not officially ratified the 13th Amendment, which abolished slavery. And then Mississippi went to see Django unchained and tried to take the ratification back. Look, Lincoln or no Lincoln, how are you just getting to this now? Didn't the release of Mississippi burning push to revisit the issue in any way? I mean, to be fair, the state had already taken steps towards banning the controversial

practice of people owning other people. The Mississippi's legislature did sign on in 1995, but did not file the proper paperwork. Oh, red tape. They tried to ratify the 13th Amendment all the way back in 1995. Inspired no doubt by that year's blockbuster, I Know What You Did, 130 Summers Ago. And then there was obviously the 18-year-long paperwork malfunction. By the way, what did happen with the paperwork? Their former Secretary of State, Dick M Mopis failed to send a copy

of the resolution to the Federal Registrar. Classic Dick Mopis. I'm sure he meant to file the paperwork properly. In fact, here's my impression of him mailing Mississippi's 13th Amendment ratification to the Federal Registrar. I'm so glad that we did this. That's really nice. Let me just put this in the mailbox. I'm so glad that we did this. That's really nice. Let me just put this in the mailbox I imagine that will get there too sweet So who cleaned up the mess left by former Mississippi Secretary of State Dick Mopis the current Mississippi Secretary of State, Dilbert Hoesman. Laughter Dilbert Hoesman cleaned up for Dick Mopis, huh?

Laughter Can't wait for next year's Mississippi Secretary of State race between smirk, nickel, dumb and cleavage stick butt. Laughter We'll be right back. Applause I'm gonna get you a big stick butt. We'll be right back. ["The Daily Show Theme"] Starting with Twitter. It's what Elon Musk bought for his midlife crisis

instead of a Lamborghini. Over the weekend, Elon released the so-called Twitter files, which many conservatives had hoped would prove that Twitter colluded with Democrats to censor news about Hunter Biden's laptop during the 2020 election. Instead, they mostly just showed the Biden campaign

asking Twitter to take down nude photos of Hunter Biden. So, yeah, sorry, everyone. If you want to see naked people, you've got to go to every other website on the Internet, I guess. So the Twitter files turned out to be a major letdown for conservatives, right? There was no proof of a conspiracy

to help defeat Donald Trump, but you know who doesn't care about any of that? Donald Trump. Former president Donald Trump's false claims about the 2020 election now have him calling for the Constitution to be terminated. With the revelation of massive and widespread fraud and deception in working closely with big tech companies,

the DNC and the Democratic Party, do you throw the presidential election results of 2020 out and declare the rightful winner, or do you have a new election? A massive fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles or do you have a new election? A massive fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations and articles,

even those found in the Constitution. Yeah, that's right. The Republican front runner for president of the United States wants to terminate the Constitution because Twitter wouldn't allow him to see Hunter Biden's dick. Yeah. He's like, I wanna see the pee pee.

I wanna see it. I wanna see what I'm dealing with. If you wanna see Hunter Biden's dick, just get a bag of cocaine like everyone else, Mr. President. Also, why is this still news? Can anyone tell me? Like, why is this still leaving a headline?

Donald Trump thinks this undermines the election. He thinks that about everything. Everything. However the that about everything, everything. However the math equation starts, his answer is always the same. Doesn't matter where, like a waiter could come up like, I'm sorry sir, the kitchen says

we've run out of the Mickey Mouse pancakes. This is the last straw. We need to redo the election. We do have the Donald Duck waffles. It's too late, I'm storming the Capitol. I'll have those to go, please. And look, I get that Trump doesn't like to lose, but my man, 2020 is over.

You've gotta move on. You know, Trump is like one of those guys who never stops trying to get back with his ex. Like he's texting her years later, like, hey, you up? And she's like, yeah, I'm up with my kids from my marriage. I'm like, oh, still playing hard to get, huh? I like that, I like that. But honestly though, what a start

to the Trump 2024 campaign. First he had dinner with Nazi lovers. Now he's calling to scrap the constitution. What's next? What, is he gonna give the Lincoln Memorial enormous boobs and still the GOP is gonna come out What, is he gonna give the Lincoln Memorial enormous boobs and still the GOP's gonna come out like, well, I personally would have gone with a tasteful Greek cup,

but I think President Trump's heart is in the right place. Wah! Something unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley Season One. I just knew him as a kid. Long silent voices from his past came forward. And he was just staring at me. And they had secrets of their own to share.

Gilbert King. I'm the son of Jeremy Lynn Scott. I was no longer just telling the story. I was part of it. Every time I hear about my dad, it's, oh, he's a killer. He's just straight evil. I was becoming the bridge between a killer and the son he'd never known. If the cops and everything would have done their job properly, my dad would have been in jail.

I would have never existed. I never expected to find myself in this place. Now, I need to tell you how I got here. At the end of the day, I'm literally a son of a killer. Bone Valley Season 2. Jeremy. Jeremy, I want to tell you something. Listen to new episodes of Bone Valley Season 2 starting April 9th on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to hear the entire new season, ad free with exclusive content starting April 9th.

Subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple podcasts. ["The New York Times"] We're back on the talent show, my guests tonight. A journalist and an author. His latest book is called The Year of Living Constitutionally, One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Constitution's Original Meaning. Please welcome to the program, A.J. Jacobs. Sir. You are not the one, young man. Nice to see you, A.J.

Thank you, thank you. The Year see you, AJ. Thank you, thank you. The year of living constitutionally. AJ, what, so, how did the year of living constitutionally a humble quest to follow the constitutionalism, how did this come about? Why would you consider this? Well, first of all, thank you and

good morrow, of course. Is that a constitutional greeting? Yes, absolutely. Alright, fair enough uh this came about because i wanted to figure out what is in the constitution what does it actually say and i thought it was a timely question because as you know our current supreme court thinks we should follow the original meaning from 1789 now i haven't been watching the news is anything going on i recommend it What a terrible thing. Yeah.

So I thought, I'm going to try to figure out what that was by getting in the mindset of our founding fathers. Now, as you go back and you revisit sort of the mindset of the founders, are you struck by how human they were? We've deified them to a large extent. But when you learn about them, do you think,

oh, a couple of these guys might be idiots. Like, what was the thought? Well, yes, the Constitution is amazing because parts of it are so inspiring. The preamble, 52 of the greatest words ever written about the general welfare and blessings of liberty, but then there are, it is a flawed document.

There are actual misspellings in the Constitution. The word Pennsylvania is spelled two different ways, P-E-N-N and P-E-N. So it is not perfect. And I ran the Constitution through Grammarly, and Grammarly found, it found 600 mistakes, 600 mistakes. So it is not perfect. Were the, with the Grammarly mistakes, did you correct it or did you think, oh, that one, no, let's pass that one. How did you, did you dismiss the Grammarly questions? Well, I couldn't go in and change it on the-

The actual document spells Pennsylvania two different ways. That's right, and the ITS actually should be an IT apostrophe S, so if Ben Franklin had invented social media, they would have gotten a lot of flack for that. Right. So it is, and they knew it was flawed. That's what's amazing.

The founding fathers knew this is a flawed document. And they said. Would they be surprised at how we've deified them? I think so. I think many of them would be. In their discussions, did you, as you looked back and saw the discussions that they were having, my understanding is they never really thought that partisan politics would be the thing we were fighting over.

They thought the branches of government would fight each other, that the executive would fight the judicial, would fight the legislative. I don't think they thought parties would try and weaponize each department against the other party. No, they did not see this rigid two-party system coming. And James Madison, he knew there were going to be factions, but he thought there were going to be lots of factions, like, you know, and maybe six or eight, more like a European parliament.

And they would have been shocked by so much of what we have now, including the president. I bring that up because it's kind of timely. And they... They were very understated in the 1700s. It is somewhat timely. Well, they... When the idea of a single presidency came up in the convention,

a lot of the delegates said, are you jesting? That is a terrible lot of the delegates said are you jesting that is a terrible idea. They said are you just I'm paraphrasing I'm paraphrasing are you jesting but they said we just fought a war to get rid of a king why do we want another one of them said this is the fetus of monarchy if we do this we should have 3, 3 presidents 12 presidents. And...

Almost like the court. The presidency and the court would be similar. Exactly. Not a unitary executive, not a single person. Right. And in the end, it was fought for weeks,

in the end the unitary executive won. But I have to say that fetus of monarchy, common, I mean, it's not a fetus anymore. It's like a teenager. Right. It is. We are... 200's like a teenager. Right. It is. We are.

Two hundred and some years later. Right. It took a while but it's here. What what do we mistake about them. You know now do you watch the arguments that you see about the founders intent differently. Do you.

Does it make you a little crazier knowing what the actual arguments were. Oh absolutely. I mean it was their mindset was so different in so many ways. It was like a foreign country. And just to give you one example, their idea of rights were very different. Rights were not Trump cards. Sorry about that.

But they were, they thought. There were responsibilities with them. Exactly. They should have had a bill of responsibilities in addition to a bill of rights. But they just assumed that we were all going to be part of and contribute to the betterment of our community. And you saw this all over in the First Amendment, the Second Amendment. And they would be shocked by how focused we are on individual rights, which I love. I love them, but we need the balance.

Right. And that we've in some ways exploited those conversations to just get what we want or do what we want. Right. Exactly. And they talked about virtue. They loved that word. And this is before it had sort of a negative tinge. How many of them do you think banged porn stars? How many of them do you think when they talk about virtue? Well, I talked to many constitutional scholars

and I never... None of them have ever said that. But, yeah. What about the level of discourse? Because I'm always struck by, you know, even in this situation that we face now with the debate and all that, the gaslighting that occurs, the lack of trust

in Americans' instincts or ability to take complex issues and hear about them honestly. But I imagine their conversations were very frank and very direct, but also sophisticated. Absolutely, I think it was a genuine difference. I wrote this book, a lot of it, with a quill pen. And I'm not saying everyone needs to go back to a quill pen. You wrote the book with a quill pen?

Yeah, because I was trying to live the Constitution. I had my musket, I carried it around New York. I wrote a quill with a quill pen. I had my musket. I carried it around New York Curiosity Do you consider yourself a method writer is that what this is Thank you, so you did so it was a quill pen and and is there something about Using the quill that that is more deliberate and allows you to think different I really believe that there are no dings and chimes from the Internet I

could actually focus and maybe come up with some subtle thoughts and I can if the Constitution were written on a iPhone with with the mojis that would not be good. Can you imagine that. You know all men are created equal lol. It would be a nightmare nightmare they love cold takes not hot takes the role about let's take a look at the pros and cons and one of my favorite founding father Ben Franklin sure said at the constitutional convention he said the older I get the less certain I am of

my own opinions, which I love. I mean, exactly. And they even, they baked it into the cake as far as they really thought amendments will be necessary. This has to be a document that can change with the consent of the governor. Exactly. They knew it was imperfect. They said, let's figure out ways to change it.

But as you say, they didn't see this rigid two-party system now the last amendment we had was 1992 and I mean you had to get two-thirds of Congress to agree you can't get two thirds of Congress to agree on on the color of a green pepper you know you just can't it's impossible. Because they are reddish. That's a good point. Thank you very much for being here. The Year of Living Constitutionally is available now. Adrian Judges! Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central. And stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. Paramount Podcasts.

Something unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley Season 1. Every time I hear about my dad is, oh, he's a killer. He's just straight evil. I was becoming the bridge between Jeremy Scott and the son he'd never known. At the end of the day, I'm literally a son of a killer. Listen to new episodes of Bone Valley Season 2 starting April 9th on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.