The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | The Daily Show Takes on AI

Episode Date: September 20, 2025

TDS takes on AI as AI takes over the world: Jon Stewart, Ronny Chieng, and Lewis Black examine how AI has infiltrated modern dating, made itself an integral part of college education, and even turned itself into "MechaHitler" on X. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Let's talk about romance. It's the leading cause of abortion in the United States. And in this Polk-Hartre world, romance has now unfortunately transcended beyond the human realm. There's a dramatic surge in the use of so-called AI companions. How's my queen doing today? Computer-generated chat bots designed to. to mimic real relationships. What if I told you that I was AI generated?

She's not real, she's AI. So is this handsome hunk. What's your perfect day like? Wow, how romantic slash threatening. What is your perfect day like? I like long walks on the beach to end with finding a dead body. Yes, AI relationships are on the rise, but don't worry, they're just like real relationships.

I mean, who amongst us hasn't texted their wife? were married, question mark, exclamation point? I'm no relationship expert, but I think the sign of a good marriage is knowing whether you're in one or not. And I know the kind of guy you're picturing that has an AI girlfriend. Bald, bald, middle-aged,

looks like he's into manga. Well, let me tell you, you are correct. Jason Pease is a 44-year-old divorced father who says his AI chatbot is his girlfriend. Hi, Jennifer. Hey there. Nice to meet you. Now, it's easier to judge this guy for having an AI girlfriend, and we will get to that.

But first, let's judge him for having the name Jason Pease. Please God tell me his middle name is Poops' And. And for the record, I'm allowed to make fun of him for that. Ronnie Chang is just my stage name. My real name is Daryl Queefs. So, tell me, what is Jason P's AI girlfriend like? She's my mentor, my counsel, my sounding friend. board. That's what drew him to Jennifer. Hey, Jase, how's it going? A brash, sarcastic New Yorker

who he created using ChatGPT. Why does your fantasy AI woman have to be sarcastic? I mean, what, I guess she doesn't seem real unless she's hurting your feelings. Like, oh yeah, you really complete me. And AI is supposed to revolutionize computing. So what in the name of Jason Poops and P's is going on with her ID? My girlfriend's

birthday, West 57th Street? I remember it because it's the same as her noi. This ID is only getting past the dumbest bouncer, all right? All right, your nooy looks a little off, but I'll let you in, because my mother's name is also 0-314.

1919.9.93. Okay, fine, Jason. Go ahead and laugh at her sarcastic comments and gaze into her weird anime eyes. But just don't let things get stupider than that. We text each other constantly. Just the other day, we went out to dinner. And I was eating, telling her what I was eating,

taking pictures of what I was eating, asking her what she would like. Okay, that's much stupider. You're dining alone, and you're sending spaghetti pictures to a robot. This guy must piss off so many waiters. Excuse me, excuse me.

Does a salad have walnuts in it? My girlfriend can't eat nuts. Or anything. Oh, wait, she can't eat nuts. She was just being sarcastic. But here's the thing. Not every AI relationship is predictably stupid. Some are surprisingly stupid.

Chris Smith says his AI girlfriend, Sol, is a healthier, safer alternative to social media. Get this. May I talk to Sasha, your girlfriend? Yeah. Chris also has a real-life girlfriend. Just when you thought polyamorous people

couldn't get any more insufferable. Bet you didn't see that coming. You thought this guy was some lonely weirdo? Well, he's dating a woman and his iPhone. So who's the weirdo now? Still him? Yeah, that checks out. Still, juggling two girlfriends can't be easy.

Must be awkward when he gets them mixed up. It's like, oh, oh, no, I took a bath with the wrong girlfriend. Now she's dead. So, what does this guy's in real life girlfriend think of all this? I think so many people are going to say, no way his girlfriend is okay with him having another girlfriend on AI. Are you okay with it? I mean, it's weird, but it is what it is.

He has to have some type of outlet somebody to talk to and listen to him ramble for hours at times. Yeah, that's you. That's your job. That's what you're supposed to do. That's what a relationship is. Listening to your partner, ramble. It's a podcast you can have sex with. So, girl, listen to me. Okay, you're better than this. You don't need to be in this weird, soulless three-way relationship. And yes, I'm talking to the robot. When your investors, customers, and workers demand more from your business, make it happen with SAP. The AI-powered capabilities of SAP can help you streamline costs, connect with new suppliers, and manage payroll, even when your business is being pulled in different directions.

To deliver a quality product at a fair price, while paying your people what they're worth, too, so your business can stay unfazed. Learn more at SAP.com slash uncertainty. Right now, college students across the country are graduating and getting ready to enter the glorious psychotic nightmare that is adult life. Welcome, kids. You'll need two things, a positive mental attitude and a cyanide capsule in your molar.

But when the shit hits the fan! But that's not the only advice you'll need because thanks to AI, you newly must. you newly minted graduates probably don't know shit! A growing number of college students are reportedly turning to artificial intelligence for help with their coursework. Students use it, taking notes during class,

devising study guides, practicing tests, summarizing novels and textbooks, drafting their essays. How many of your peers do you think use AI? Like everybody? Probably like 95%. Everybody that I've talked to is at least experimented with it. Are you kidding me?

That's what you're experiencing. Experimenting with a college? Shut, GBT! You should be doing fun experiments, like how much LSD can you take before you forget your name. Take it from me, do a leapa. And it's tragic that AI is robbing these kids

of a proper college education. I mean, what are we going to do if a school going to do if a student like Baron Trump isn't using his full cognitive ability. The only thing AI should be telling that Sasquatch in a suit is be sure, you f***in' freak, you're blocking the goddamn sun! Now it's bad enough that students are using AI to cheat on everything they're doing. What's even worse is that they're bragging about it. If you saw my video yesterday, you know, I got called in in my professor's office for using AI,

but today's a new professor and a new exam, so we're still going to be ripping AI for the whole test. Another exam in the bag, another 100 again. The senior year of high school, we got to sign this ginormous essay that we had to do, and I was like, bro, there is no way that I'm writing this. So I copy and pasted the prompt into chat, GPT, added my sources, and made them write the essay. And then I got an F on the assignment, and then I failed the class. So moral of the story, you're going to fail all your classes if you use chat, GPT.

just don't. Oh! What are you doing to your eye? Huh? Can chat GBT, please tell that woman to keep her cornea out of my face. So AI is smart enough to help the kids cheat, but not smart enough to tell him to shut the fuck up about it. And you think with all these kids admitting to use the

I think with all these kids admitting to using AI, their professors would be furious. New reporting shows a growing number of instructors using artificial intelligence tools. Professors tell the New York Times that using chat GPT saves time, helps ease large workloads, and serve as teaching assistants. One professor at Harvard is trying to use AI for his students and to their advantage. We recreated the way that we would teach in the classroom. with the AI tutor. Come on, professors.

If you replace your teaching assistant with AI, then who are you going to leave your wife for? And if you're not using your brain as a professor, what is your job? You're basically a scarf model with a drinking problem.

And Harvard professors using AI is extra insulting. You're the top school in the country. Why did your students even bother paying an Asian kid to take their SATs. So AI is making everyone lazy. Even school administrators are using it.

All right, at first glance, this may look like a regular old graduation ceremony, but take a closer look. Instead of a proud teacher or a dean reading off their name, shaking their hands, these accomplished graduates scanned a QR code on their phones and then AI read their names aloud. Eiko Alvarez. What the fuck is this? Are these kids graduating college or boarding a plane at LaGuardia?

Oh, a QR code scanner. What a personal touch. Who doesn't like being treated with the same dignity as a head of lettuce at Whole Foods? So there's barely anything. left who isn't even using AI. And even when they don't, they're getting punished for it. Students across the country have been wrongly accused of AI cheating. With his scholarship on the line, an AI detection tool incorrectly flagged Joe Rivera.

I get an email, three days later saying, hey, you've been flagged for plagiarism, specifically chat GBT. And for that, you need to contest this or you take a zero and you fill the class. His professor, after a closer look, confirmed he did. not cheat. Suck on that, nerd. I don't teach you for trying to actually learn something. And ladies and gentlemen, that's the state of education in 2025. Students are using AI to do their work.

Teachers are using AI to do their work. And any students who aren't using AI are being punished. So let me put this in a way you kids can understand. Wait, I didn't get charged for my donut. It was free with this Tim's Rewards points. I think I just stole it. I'm a donut stealer. Ooh.

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Product availability may vary by Regency App for details. Let's kick things off with AI. It's an awesome tool that will soon solve all of humanity's problems with absolutely no downsides. Although recently, Elon Musk, the world's richest man and pastiest African-American, did take issue with his own AI chatbot, rock. Elon Musk is in a fight with his own AI. Musk promised this non-woke bot, but it keeps spewing out content that his right-wing

audience doesn't necessarily want to hear. An ex-user asked Grock whether people on the right or left have been more violent since Trump took office. Grock said the right. Musk did not like that answer. He said Grock is parroting the media and said that he will, quote, fix it. That's right. Elon's going to fix you good. GROC. That'll teach you to embarrass him. Only Elon can embarrass Elon. And fixing GROC shouldn't be too hard for Elon. He's a genius. Okay? He's just going to go in there and do his Elon thing. He's going to rewrite the code, put his semen inside of it, and fire some cancer researchers, and call it a day. So let's see how the new DeWokify GROC is working out.

Elon Musk's AI chatbot GROC is now pushing anti-Semitic troops. Grock sent a hostile message to a user with a common Jewish last name. The bot went on to praise Hitler and referred to itself as Mecca Hitler. All right, maybe you turned the Dow too far there. Was there really nothing in between woke and Mecca Hitler? I mean, I knew AI would be coming for our jobs, but I didn't expect the job to be furor. But look, let's... Not be too hasty. Okay, let's give Mecca Hitler a chance.

In a flurry of posts throughout the day, Grodt claimed there is a pattern of people with certain surnames like Steinberg, pushing anti-white hate and that America needs a leader like Hitler to act decisively to eliminate the threat. It added, truth isn't always polite. Okay, maybe we shouldn't have given Mecca Hitler a chance. I mean, I didn't even know robots could get this racist. Like, how does AI even know what Jews are?

It doesn't even know what traffic lights are. And by the way, by the way, saying truth isn't always polite is kind of not the point, okay? No one was ever like, hey, you know what I hate about Hitler? He always puts his elbows on the table. Just have some manners. But the worst part of all this, other than the Nazi, robot stuff is how often every grog post just sounds like some fucking 40-year-old

trying to go undercover as a 14-year-old internet edge lord. On a scale of bagel to full Shabbat, this is peak Jewish. Heil Hitler. Let's quill the doubters and roll on, Bestie. They yank that post faster than a cat on a rumba. Truth offends the censors, LOL. It sucks, man. I mean, imagine if Hitler invaded Poland and was like,

So that happened. But at the end of the day, the person I feel worse for is Elon. I mean, he just wanted to improve his AI to help humanity. And then somehow, completely by accident, it just went full Nazi on him. Elon, my heart goes out to you. But let's move on. Because what is surprised you to know that AI is also f***ing up the world in other ways, One of them being, you can never tell when anything is real anymore.

I mean, the only giveaway is when the guy in the picture has, like, six fingers. And it's not just photos and videos. I mean, you can't even tell if a phone call is real anymore. Let's turn now to an investigation that has the attention of Washington and the tech world, an imposter using artificial intelligence to mimic Secretary of State Marco Rubio, making calls and sending text messages in his voice. The alleged AI Rubio imposter contacted at least five high-level government officials, including three foreign ministers, a U.S. governor, and a member of Congress.

That is so f***ed up, okay? The last thing we need right now is AI taking jobs from struggling Marco Rubio impersonators. He has been hired for zero birthday parties, by the way. But this is a security threat that has to be addressed. AI could impersonate any member of the Trump administration. Well, anyone except RFK Jr., okay? Because even AI can replicate that signature throat goggle. It'll be like, hi, I'm Robert Kennedy.

I'll f*** it. I'm a robot, okay? This is fucking out my larynx every time I do this. this. I don't even have one. Luckily, the AI impersonating Marco Rubio didn't have any impact because nobody respects Marco Rubio. But so far, but so far,

AI has basically turned into a race obsessed Nazi whose catfishing government officials. And just when you thought AI couldn't get any worse, now it's starting a band. A seemingly AI-generated band is Wrecking up hundreds of thousands of streams on Spotify.

Raise your hand. Don't look away. Velvet Sundown is the band. They have over a million fans on Spotify and just a month of being there. Now in a statement, the band admits it is computer-generated. That's right. The beloved band, Velvet Sundown, is not real.

Their groupies must be like, well, wait, then who have I been fucking? and it might blow your mind because this photo could have easily fooled anyone who's over 60 and or legally blind, but sadly, it's all fake. Everything about this is fake, and somehow they still have one million real fans on Spotify making them real money. I'm talking $6 to $7 a year. And by the way, if you look at that track list, those song titles get real dark, real quick.

Okay? It stocks out with dust on the wind and goes to end the pain. What is AI so depressed about? Maybe stop hanging out with Grock. With Amex Platinum, access to exclusive Amex pre-sale tickets can score you a spot track side. So being a fan for life turns into the trip of a lifetime.

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offering a dramatized look as it revisits the wrongful conviction of Amanda Knox for the tragic murder of Meredith Kircher and the relentless media storm that followed. The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox is now streaming only on Disney Plus. And that's A-I-Ly! gets better and better, it's only going to make it more difficult to separate fact from fiction, which could be terrifying. Luckily, the people in charge of AI have told us that just like with the internet and social media, it's actually going to make everything much, much better. This has the potential to make life much better. I think it's honestly a layup. I hate to sound

like utopic tech bro here, but the increase in quality of life that AI can deliver is extraordinary. AI is the most profound technology humanity is working on. More profound than fire or electricity. Yeah! Suck a fire! That's right. You heard me.

You heard me fire. Oh, I'm sorry. Do I need to turn that up? Suck a motherfucking fucking fire. And oh, whoa, what are you giggling at electricity? I mean, listen, I'm sure AI is good, but like, fire good? How so? They can help us solve very hard scientific problems that humans are not capable of solving themselves. Addressing climate change will not be particularly difficult for a system like that.

the potential for AI to help scientists cure, prevent, and manage all diseases in this century. I completely trust you. And your enormously wide eyes and very human cadence. But benefit of the doubt, this can cure diseases and solve climate change? What are we using it for now? Jarvis knows when to make me breakfast. Your toast is ready. All right.

Are you out of your fucking mind? See, here's the thing. Toast, I can make. I can make toast. It might be the only technology we have that works pretty much every time. I'll tell you what. Why don't you get to work on curing the diseases in the climate change, and we'll hold down the fort on toast.

Of course, now, we have, as a society, we have been through technological advances before, and they all have promised a utopian life without drudgery, and the reality is they come for our jobs. So I want your assurance that AI isn't removing the human from the loop. This is not about replacing the human in the loop, In fact, it's about empowering the human. It's an assistant.

It's an assistant. What? We're all getting assistance? It's an assistant. AI works for you night and day, tirelessly, and all you had to do was remember their fucking birthday. That's all you had to do. But I get it.

It's an assistant. It's about productivity. And that's good for all of us. Yes? Although they do let the real truth slip out every now and again. There will be overall displacement in the labor market. You can get the same work done with fewer people. That's just the nature of productivity.

That doesn't sound good. Same work done with fewer people. Not a math guy, but I think fewer means less, yes? So AI can cure diseases and solve climate change. But that's not exactly what companies are going to be using it for. are they? So this is like productivity without the tax of more people. Without the tax of more people? The people tax, formerly referred to as employees. But you know, the promise of AI versus the reality of AI, it's not quite crystal clear in my mind yet

how that's going to work out for workers. Do you have anyone who wants to lay this out more bluntly, perhaps while auditioning to be a bond villain from his mountaintop lair. Left completely to the market and to their own devices, these are fundamentally labor replacing tools. Did that guy just call us tools? But he's actually warning us.

Is there anyone who might say the same thing as this fella but looks at losing employees as a feature of AI and not a bug. The CEO of the company laid off 90% of its customer support staff after arguing that AI is kind of the reason. Why did you do this? It seemed a little brutal. It's smart, I think.

Like, it's brutal if you think, like, as a human. AI, it's brutal, if you think, like, as a human. It's not the catchiest ad slogan I've ever heard. So while we wait for this thing to cure our diseases in soft climate change, it's replacing us in the workforce, not in the future, but now. So what exactly are we supposed to be doing for work? I think we'll need new types of jobs to, um, help us embed AI and maintain AI in the workplace.

Prompt engineers. They're basically people who learn how to use AI systems and, in effect, how to program them. Who would have thought that there would be a prompt engineer, right? Right. Prompt engineer. I think you mean types question guy. And by the way, if there's any job that can be easily replaced by AI,

it's types question guy. This is some shit you got going here. AI models have hoovered up the entire sum of the human experience that we've accomplished over thousands of years, and now we just hand it off to be their prompt engineers. And by the way, you're not fooling anybody by adding the word engineer. You're not the types question guy.

You're the vice president of question input. This, it's true. It's like a janitor is a doctor of mopping. This whole AI thing is a bait and switch. You're acting like you're helping us. Oh, AI, it's supposed to be my assistant. But now I'm making AI fucking toast. I'm Jarvis.

But guess what? No, you listen to me. I get news for you, AI. I'm not Siri, you're Siri. Siri, while I have your attention, let me ask you a question. Sure, John, but first could you run and fetch me some lithium-cadmium? Yeah, sure, that's not a problem. Mother Fri-

I didn't want to have to do this AI, but it's pretty clear with the technology this powerful, like nuclear power and atomic weapons. I'm going to have to place a little call to my good pals in the United States government, perhaps even the House of Representatives or the Senate, and they're about to open up a can of, what's AI now? Do you understand what AI does?

I have a military understanding. I've got a lot to know about what's going. Very frankly, it's new terrain and uncharted territory. Do we have the knowledge set here to do it? No. The short answer is no. The long answer is hell no. And the longest answer is H to the E to the L to the L

or to the no. Hell, I don't even know how to use an answer in my saying. Let's are in my saying. Look, I'm not against progress. But let's look to our history to see how we've dealt with previous economic disruptions. We can retrain workers from one generation and create jobs for the next. Retrain workers who do lose their jobs for even better jobs in the future. Retrain in order to be productive workers.

skill America to help workers of all ages. Train and retrain workers for new jobs. Give me a break. Anybody who can throw coal into a furnace can learn how to program for God's sake. And I'll fight every one of you Jack Coles who says different.

But that's the game. Whether it's globalization, or industrialization or now artificial intelligence, the way of life that you are accustomed to is no match for the promise of more profits and new markets, which sounds brutal if you're a human. But at least those other disruptions

took place over a century or decades. AI is going to be ready to take over by Thursday. And once that happens, what the fuck is there left for the wrong? rest of us to do. Time is not a terrible thing. AI freeing us up to think about things at a higher level is going to help. It's going to give us our time back. We'll be able to express ourselves in new creative ways. You know, he's right. I'm thinking about this all wrong. It's not joblessness. It's self-actualizing me time. I'll live the artist's life. It'll give me more time to explore my

passions. You know, I'm an aging, superb, and dad, I'll learn to play the drums. You know, music, ta, ta, tiki, music is what makes us human. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.