The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | The Emmys

Episode Date: September 14, 2025

It's Emmys day! So while the team gets ready by stealing tuxedos off the statues at the wax museum, take a listen to The Daily Show's past coverage of TV's fanciest day. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Or is it croissant? No matter how you say it. Start your day with freshly cracked scrambled eggs loaded on a buttery, flaky croissant. Try it with maple brown butter today at Tim's. At participating restaurants in Canada for limited time. You're listening to Comedy Central. In their never-ending quest to alienate viewers ages 18 to 34, CBS aired the 26th annual Daytime Emmy Awards,

honoring performers who've taken that daring step between waiting tables and legitimate acting. Snapping a losing streak second only to the Washington generals, Susan Lucci brought home the Best Actress Award after 18 nominations. Lucci's played Erica Kane for 28 years and won for her performance in keeping a straight face while telling casting agents she's still 34. When asked how she would celebrate the award,

Lucie said she would go to dinner with her husband, Helmut, Huber. After which, she plans to hooper his helmet. Her Highness, oh, please. Her Highness Oprah Winfrey presented the award for Best Talk Show host to Rosie O'Donnell, who took the opportunity to once again ambush Tom Selleck. for his NRA ads, and then to remind everybody of Kmart's low, low prices on shotguns.

Bob Barker, the only man who ages slower than Dick Clark, was presented with a Lifetime Achievement Award for hosting the Price is Right, which is in its 27th year, yet people still can't figure out that the toaster costs less than the Winnebago. The nation turns on television watch television celebrate television.

The National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences turned into David E. Kelly's personal bitch last night, giving the creator Best Series Emmy Awards for both The Practice and Allie McBeal. Kelly's victories no doubt ease the pain of having to go to bed every night with Michelle Pfeiffer. I mean, how many beers do you need to kiss that wench? I'm gonna ask me the fastest or best way,

To win an Emmy, I'd say, write a script and get Callista Falkart to say the words. He then added the second best way to win an Emmy is to receive a plurality of votes in your category from the voting members of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences under the auspices of the accounting firm of Ernst & Young. That'll do in a pinch.

Co-host David Hyde Pierce and Jenna Elfman started the show with an interpreted dance, which many in the audience interpreted as a gratuitous display of David Hyde Pierce's Nutsack. HBO's acclaimed series, The Sopranos, earned 16 nominations, the most of any contender, but walked away with just four awards. The show, however, did receive a humanitarian award for employing dozens of actors waiting for Martin Scorsese

to give up the Buddha crap. Jack Nicholson, who is required by law to sit in the front row at every Hollywood award show, came with Lara Flynn Boyle. and call me old-fashioned, but I think this one's going to last. The highlight of the show is a hilarious send-up of Dawson's Creek by John Stewart, the once-popular talk show host, now floundering on an obscure cable network

and making jokes about himself in the third person, even as he speaks. West Wing walks away with nine Emmys, confused George W. Bush goes negative with anti-sheen ads. Last night, the stars came out as trillions of balls of hydrogen converted into helium and admitted their light throughout the observable universe.

But of course, back here on Earth, at L.A.'s Shrine Auditorium, everyone else was coming out at what has already been dubbed the gayest Emmys ever. I mean, just look at the big winners. Will and Grace. Gay. If these walls could talk, too, lesbian, the West Wing, flaming, the corner.

Hello, sailor. And Tuesdays with Mori, Liza with a Z. Will and Grace took home three Emmys and star Aaron McCormack thanked NBC for having the courage to conduct the market research necessary to determine it was okay to put a show

like this on the air without significant public backlash. You're very fortunate to be working at a time when the next networks are brave enough to put a show like Willing Grice on the air. Right. Yeah, somewhere Paul Lynn is smiling down from Center Cloud. Except to now, fans of television and homosexuality only had Ellen, love Sidney, and the suppressed homoerotic rage of chips. Well, they are.

What a brave network. The oddest moment of the night came when Emmy director, Lewis Horvitz, won an award for directing an award show. And the Emmy goes to Lewis J. Horvitz, 72nd Annual Academy Awards. Yes! Music! Ready, 13, take 13. 30. 30. Take 10. Take 10. Ready, ready, two, take two. Ready, 13, take 13. Okay. Horvitz Award was not only a personal victory, but a triumph in the fight against the stigma of Tourette's syndrome. Despite his Emmy boost, Horvitz still turned up the music on those who went on too long,

like once again winner, Cila Ward. My representatives who are amazing, my manager, Steve Danton, I mean, that's not true. He's my agent. Steve Doughtonville has been with me forever. David Seltzer, my manager. Cliff Gover Lurie, amazing publicist, Kelly Bush and Joe, Libbynati, and kind of... You know, Cila Ward used to be on the show's sisters, and in the immortal words of her on-set co-star Suzy Kurtz, every time it rains, Cil-O...

Hold on a second with the music. I'll get into the punchline. I'm sorry. Suzy Kurt said, every time it rains, Seala... Alright! Being told we have no time for that joke. Suzy used to... Duh!

Fine! Fine. It's just fine. I got cut off with music on my own program. Bankmore oncores when you switch to a Scotia Bank banking package. Learn more at scotiabank.com slash banking packages. Conditions apply. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.

much, welcome to The Daily Show. I'm John Stewart. How was your weekend? We went out to Los Angeles. What an exciting weekend for us. Let me say this. When the Daily Show won a Tony, I thought, well, that's terrific. When we won a Latin Grammy, I thought,

Very Bueno. But this was really something. And to celebrate, I had this, I don't know if you've heard of this beverage. It's made with, I guess they ferment hops and barley. And they put it in little bottles. And they're just delicious. But if you have 10 of them, you don't feel well. But it was really, what a terrific time we had.

And we're happy to be back. And since we won an Emmy, obviously, we're going to be phoning the show in for a long, long time. Enjoy our arrogance. Obviously, it was an extremely nice night here for everyone at The Daily Show. But unfortunately for us, we're at the Emmys, not just as participants, but also as journalists.

um have you folks seen the program before or we were as journalists covering the event and we're going to go live now to stephen colbert who's actually still in los angeles outside the shrine auditorium uh stephen nice to see you my friend tell us about the night it was magical john forget the hubble telescope if you wanted to see stars on sunday night the shrine The auditorium was the place to be. All your favorite celebrities were on hand for a celebration of television excellence. But the fun really began after the Emmys

at the Governor's Ball, when the industry gathered to raise a glass to the winners. And that's when the fucking started. I'm sorry? The banging, John, the banging, the bumping uglies, the meat pile. Gounds and tuxedos tossed like Jetsam as their A-list owners in the full bloom of arousal don't goathead masks and descended headlong into a world of sexual madness,

a mindless hive of frenzied coitus, writhing bodies, flesh on fluid, a deep stank of human musk rising to the rafters, like some forbidden incense offered to Eros, dark god of gratified desire. All in all, a magical night. Stephen, I was there. That did not happen.

Left too early, John. It all started right after the lobster salad course. You know, it's funny. I used to criticize Los Angeles, that it was superficial, that it was a town where you were only as good as your last project, but that's when I was on the outside. Now I see how wrong I was. Do you know this thing is redeemable for one supermodel

or two regular-sized models? Which reminds me, I'm gonna be out here a couple more weeks. I got some meetings to take. Steven, you can't stay out there. We've got the Democratic debate on Thursday, the California recall elections a week from Tuesday. We have a lot of work to do. Yeah, look, don't get me wrong.

I love the people at The Daily Show. They're great. some of them, but the show is clearly peaked, so I'm gonna jump off now and pull the rip cord while I'm still high enough for my parachute to fully deploy. I won't be out here long, just long enough to take the first show that pays me more money

and or features me more prominently. I think they like the fucking story better. I don't blame them, John. I don't blame them. Everybody loves the monkey butter. It's a Hollywood term. I understand. It's going to take me a while to wash that one out of the brain, but thank you.

Listen, back here, we wish you all the luck out there, Stephen. Who needs luck, John? This is Hollywood. What could possibly go wrong? I got to go. I'm having my chin done. All right. John? Thank you very much, Steven. Stephen Colbert in Los Angeles. Back, baby! We got a good one for you tonight. Valley Nasser. We'll be joining us. He, of course, the founder of our space program. Ah! Ah! Oh, we won an Emmy. All right. Um... No, there I got any. We actually... We actually... That's the kind of writing that shows you what we did.

We actually, we're just getting back from Los Angeles. We're a little bit tired, but feeling very good. We won. This was our seventh consecutive Emmy for a show in variety, comedy, music, language, and children's programming. So we were delighted. Now, we won seven times in a row, and it is, it's a little confounding and astounding and exciting, and I'll be honest with it, there have been a couple of years in there where even we all thought to ourselves, really? But this one, this year, you know, we were up against, I thought, some of the best work that the other shows in that category had done, the really hilarious stuff. But you know what? We were really proud of ourselves on this one. We really felt like this year in particular, 2008 was maybe the best year of daily shows that we felt that we had done. And I give thanks to all the people here that had worked so hard.

We have the, every time a challenge was issued to the staff here and to the crew here, they rose up to it in a manner which I found surprising and impressive and joyful. And I just, I can't tell you the gratitude that I have for the crew here and the staff here

and the people that do that. And I am filled with a feeling. It is a feeling that I have Right now, based on this now record of achievement that is, it's an unusual feeling, I believe people refer to it as pride and satisfaction and accomplishment. Now, I don't know how long it's going to last. I am Jewish. I'm sure I'll find a way not to enjoy this.

But I'm really happy. and proud to work here and to be here with all the people that I work with. And thank you for supporting us and watching us and allowing us to create a situation that has not been replicated in our so-called genre. And so thank you. And there's one man who, uh... I'm sorry. I just pulled my...

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but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no, but a banana. That's a yes. A nice tan, sorry, nope. But a box fan, happily yes. A day of sunshine, no. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Congratulations to all the winners at last night's Emmy Awards, especially the underdogs. Diversity reigns at the Emmys as women and people of color, taking home some of the biggest prizes on television's biggest night. Atlanta's Donald Glover became the first African American to win an Emmy for comedy directing. Stirling K. Brown became the first black performer

in close to 20 years to win lead actor in a drama series for This Is Us. Master of Nuns, Aziz Ansari, shared the Emmy for comedy writing with Lena Waith, the first black woman to receive the award. Yeah, that is fantastic. But how are we still having first black anythings in 2017?

Do you know how many Emmy ceremonies there have been? 69. Nice. Now, I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining. Last night's Emmys were really amazing and so full of black people I was waiting for the show to get pulled over by the police.

It was a beautiful, beautiful experience. Congratulations to everyone. I will say this though, judging from America's history, we have to be careful for next year though, because any time a black person wins something for the first time, the next time around, there's always an overcorrection. So just be ready for 2018

when Steve Bannon wins best actor in a drama. Yeah, get ready for that. Big news today for all of your favorite TV shows. Nominations for the 71st Emmy Awards have just been announced, and as expected, HBO's hit Game of Thrones, leading the pact with a historic 32 nominations. For the best drama series, the nominees are Better Call Soul, bodyguard, Game of Thrones, Killing Eve, Ozark, Poe, Succession,

and this is us. That's right, Emmy nominations are out, and a lot of fan favorites are back. Veep is back with nine nominations. Ozark, one of my favorite shows got nominated, and Game of Thrones blew everyone away with 32 nominations, a record. Although, although, you know what I say we should do?

We should have the Game of Thrones people come to the awards, but then we should give the award for best drama to Sesame Street. Yeah. And then they'll be like, what the hell? That doesn't make sense. And we'll be like, oh, now you don't like endings

that don't make sense? Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. Now you don't like that? Oh, and there's one nomination that we're particularly excited about over here in the category for Outstanding, variety show. The Daily Show was nominated. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Like, we truly could not have done it without you guys. Like, thank you so much for supporting us, making this. I never take this for granted. Let's kick it off with some good news from Hollywood. The only city that's got a name tag in case you forget where you are. Yesterday, the 2020 Emmy nominations were announced. And it was an especially great day for black performers who got a record 34% of the nominations, which is huge and well-deserved. But it's still not enough.

That's right. I won't be satisfied until black people get 100% of the nominations. Yeah, you heard me. We're coming for you, white people. In fact, we want every role to be played by a black actor. I won't be happy until Kevin Hart is playing Queen Elizabeth in the Crown. Let me tell you some, Prince Charles. No one wants to hear your opinion.

You ain't shit, okay? I'm a queen. You ain't shit. Mm-hmm. Obviously, I'm joking, guys. It really is great to see black performers getting the recognition they deserve, and that's all black people want.

And we at The Daily Show are extra grateful because once again, we were nominated, and so to you, the viewers, I want to say thank you so much. Without you, there would be no show, and no one would be tweeting me to criticize my apartment day call. I see you internet, and you hurt my feelings.

I have one regret about the Emmys. I have one regret about the Emmys on Sunday night, and that is that I was unable to attend and to share in the joy for my friend Stephen Colbert and those of the Colbert Report, who won a well-deserved, long overdue Emmy. I have been in awe of that show from episode one. I believe Stephen and everyone over there

has created something that has never before been seen on television. And things happen on that show that could only happen on that show. And they are remarkable. And to my staff and crew, here's the best thing about my staff and crew. It's not about, even if they, Winner, Lou, it doesn't matter. You know, when I saw Newhart on stage, if anybody should have a house made out of Emmys, it's Bob Newhart. He was getting his first at age 135.

So everyone here never forgets how fortunate they are to have had the kind of run that we've had, to have the kind of recognition that we have. We know that the opportunity to do what we do every day is a phenomenal one, and that's what I love best about this place. There's not a person in this building that takes that opportunity for granted. Hell or high water, winning or not winning, having to watch another 24-hour cable news clip or not. They come in here, and we might not always hit the mark, but they give everything they have every day for years.

And I truly appreciate that about this place. And that's, bar none. I'm really proud. This place, I'm proud to work with these folks. It has been the honor of my professional life. That's our show. We're joining tomorrow night and 11. Here it is.

The moment is end. Congratulations to the entire Situation Room staff. We have been nominated for an Emmy Award for our extended breaking news coverage of the assassination of the former Pakistani Prime Minister, Benazir Bhutto. This is our very first Emmy nomination, and of course we hope it's the first of many. And of course, we hope we win. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.