The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Texas Strikes Down Abortion Exemption | Vir Das

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

Kal Penn covers Trump's plea for presidential immunity from the Supreme Court and a defamation lawsuit that could mean "the end" of Rudy Giuliani, and Grace Kuhlenschmidt offers up a solution to the abortion debate in Texas. And are aunties disappointed that Kamala Harris is ONLY vice president? Will Trump be a dictator? Does Vivek Ramaswamy have rizz? Kal Penn questions a panel of conservative Indian-American voters to see which candidate truly belongs in the White House. Plus, comedian & actor Vir Das discusses the journey he’s been on over the last few years, from facing strong backlash over his poem “I Come From Two Indias,” to winning an International Emmy for his Netflix special about the aftermath of that controversy, “Vir Das: Landing.” And he gives Kal Penn credit for influencing him to attend college in America and shares why it’s important to be “authentically Indian” on his 33-country Mind Fool stand-up tour.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're gonna be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening that invented news. This is the Daily Show. I'm back again. And what a day it has been for New York.

The Knicks and the Giants won. And I only saw one dude masturbating on the subway. So we did in New York. Look we got a great show for you tonight, so let's get into the headlines. We begin with Donald Trump, former president and current courtroom sketch model. One of the most serious charges is his attempt to steal the 2020 election. And with less than a year to go before he attempts to steal the next election, things in the case are starting to move quickly. Happening now, breaking news. The United States Supreme Court just agreed to weigh in for the first time on Donald Trump's historic criminal prosecution. This afternoon, Special

Counsel Jack Smith filed a brief urging the U.S. Supreme Court to rule on whether the former president is immune from federal prosecution for his actions while he was in the White.. the White. the White. the White. the White. the White. the the the White. the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. thi. to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move, to move, to move, to move to move to move to move to move to move to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to move. to move, to move, to move, to move, to move, to move, to move, to move, to move, to move, to move, to move, to move, to move, the case, the case, the case. the case. the the case. the thi. the thi. the. the. thr-c. thr. to to to to to to to to to to to to thi urging the U.S. Supreme Court to rule on whether the former president is immune from federal prosecution for his actions while he was in the White House. Smith is trying to keep the election subversion trial scheduled for next March on track and he's hoping to avoid the delays that are coming as Trump's team fights this issue of immunity through lower courts. Trump's lawyers are claiming his actions around the 2020 election results were part of his official presidential duties at the time. So Trump thinks stealing the election was part of his job? I mean, look, say what you want about the guy, but it's pretty balsy when your defense is both, I didn't do anything,

and also I was allowed to do it. Like, what a paradox. Trump is what I like to call a Schrodinger's ****-B. But look, if the Constitution allows a president to overturn the Constitution, then what was the point of the Constitution? The whole thing might as well end with, er, do whatever, man, I don't give a f-bid. And by the way, even if the Supreme Court rules for Trump, he should realize that this ruling would apply to any president,

which means Joe Biden would have total immunity to do anything he wants, stealing quarters from behind little kids, left and right, getting their noses? Never giving them back? Or hey, maybe he'll just arrest Trump and send him to Guantanamo, right? No, no, no, we don't want any president to have absolute power. That was a test and you all fail. All right, maybe just this once. No, no, you failed again.

It's not funny. Now, one person who won't be defending Trump in front of the Supreme Court is his former lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. Seen here watching porn on full volume. And that's because Rudy's busy with his own legal problems. This morning, Rudy Giuliani is back in court face to face with the two Georgia election workers whose lives were nearly ruined by his repeated his own legal problems. This morning, Rudy Giuliani is back in court, face to face with the two Georgia election, whose lives were nearly ruined by his repeated falsehoods and conspiracy theories about them after the 2020 election.

Julianne telling me after court yesterday, he stands by all of it. Do you regret what you did to Ruby Freeman? Of course, I don't regret. I told the truth. They were engaged in changing votes. There's no proof of that. Oh, you're damn right, there is. Stay tuned. Ruby Freeman and her daughter, Andrea, Shea Moss,

served as election workers in Georgia in 2020. But when Donald Trump claimed baselessly that the vote count was rigged, Julianne accused them of th th th with fake Biden votes, and other skullduggery. I really felt that someone would tell him, like, no, sir, you don't know what you're talking about. Yesterday, during opening statements, Giuliani's lawyer said that up to $43 million in damages the workers are seeking will, quote, be the end of him. The end of Rudy Giuliani.

Oh no, that sounds awesome. The end of Rudy Giuliani is like the best case scenario. Why is Rudy's lawyer threatening the jury with a good time? He's like, you really want to see my client broke and sobbing like a little bitch, huh? You want to see him crying so hard? He pees his pants and that pee gets all over the floor? Is that what you want, huh? Then he slips on his pee? And now he's rolling on the floor, just covered in pee? Donald Trump tries to help him up, and then he slips on the pee? And they both slide out the door under Rudy's thee, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi, thi, chefs carrying a big cake? Is that funny to you? Look, I might feel more sympathy for Rudy if during his defamation trial he wasn't outside the courthouse

doing more defamation. Like, does he get that every time you do a crime, it's like its own thing? Like, this guy's committing defamation like he's got the unlimited plan. Your crimes don't roll over to the next to to to to to to to to to to to to the next to to to the next to to the next to to to to to the next to to to to the next to to the next to to to the next to the next the next to to to tooody to to to to tooody tooody tooody tooody the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the. Look. Look. Look. Look, the. Look, the. Look, thi. Look, thi. Look, thi. Look, thi. Look, thi. Look, thi. Look, the the thi. crime it's like its own thing? Like this guy's committing defamation like he's got the unlimited plan. Their crimes don't roll over to the next month, Rudy. And finally, let's move on to one of the only cases that does not involve Donald Trump. And this one comes out of the state of Texas. We're sentencing someone to hard labor is taken on a new meeting. This morning, a new twist in a Texas woman's legal battle to get an abortion in her home state.

The Texas Supreme Court, last night, ruled against Kate Cox, after she sought an emergency medical exception to the state's abortion ban. Doctors say her 20-week fetus has a severe abnormality and a little chance of survival, and they say continuing the pregnancy could put her health at risk, possibly preventing her from getting pregnant ever again. Cox's attorneys say the decision left her with no choice but to seek medical care in another state. Wow. So this case is what legal experts refer to as bullshit. I mean, come on. Texas's abortion laws are so restrictive,

this woman had to flee the state, like some sort of senator. Controversial opinion in 2023, a court shouldn't get to decide whether a woman can get a medical procedure. Or if they're going to, yeah, you can... If they're going to, then procedure. Or if they're going to, yeah, you can... If they're going to, then they should also get to rule on a man's right to like pass a kidney stone. Sorry, Brian, God has a plan for that rock. For more on the Texas Supreme Court decision, we turn to Grace Cullen Schmitz. Grace, it's just chaos down there in Texas right now. Courts are saying doctors should decide when abortions are medically necessary, but then when the doctors decide the courts overrule them,

and then other courts overrule those courts. It's like no one's in charge of the decision. I know right, but here's a crazy idea. When it comes to deciding whether a woman can have an abortion, what if we gave that decision to just one person? What if this one person is the person who knows what's best for each woman better than anyone else? See where you're going with this? And that person should be the Golden Bachelor. Oh, that is not be the Golden Bachelor.

That is not where I thought you were going. Uh, why should the Golden Bachelor decide every woman's abortion? It makes sense. His whole thing is making tough choices about who stays and who goes. Okay. Right, but I thought you were going to say, like, the woman. Which woman? Like, Beyonce? I mean, she is from Texas, but I don't know. She seems so distracted with her tour.

She's not responding to any of my texts. You have Beyonce's number? No, but I've been guessing. One of these days, I'm gonna get it right. Uh, Grace, I'm sorry, but I really don't think, th, th, I, I, I, I, I, I don't, th, th, I don't, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi thi these days I'm gonna get it right. Uh, Grace, I'm sorry, but I really don't think this is a good idea. Uh, are you mansplaining abortion to me, Cow? How dare you? It's my body, and it's my right to decide which man gets to tell me what to do with it.

And I want that man to be the golden bachelor! Okay, okay, but it doesn't even matter the Republicans in charge of these states don't care who chooses because they don't want anybody to choose. They're prosecuting all abortions. Prosecute schmout. There's an easy solution here. Any woman who needs an abortion just needs to get elected president. Because presidents have total immunity. HASHTAG Free Trump. How is a woman who needs an abortion supposed to become president? Simple. We distract the men.

Butter them up. Listen to them, play guitar or whatever. Then we turn them against each other. While they're busy fighting on the beach, the ladies vote her into the Oval Office. Are you describing the plot of the Barbie movie? It worked, Cal. By the way, you're so good at guitar. We're both gay, Grace. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sometimes I forget. Okay, so look, she becomes president and her first act is, what, getting an abortion? Yeah. She goes into the situation room because, what a sticky situation this is! Then, the super secret service rolls in and, p-ph-. Grace, this sounds way too complicated. Isn't the simplest and best solution to just leave the decision up to the woman who's pregnant? Man, you're so dumb, Cal. I'm gonna text Beyonce right now

to tell her how dumb you sound. I'm gonna try starting with the letter three. I've never done that one before. Grace Cullen Schmidt, everybody. to to the. the. the. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the letter three. I've never done that one before. Grace Cullen Schmidt, everybody. When we come back, we'll find out who's going to win the Republican nomination, so don't go away. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're going to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls.

What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Hey, welcome back to the Daily Show. The 2024 presidential election is upon us. And there's a surprising new constituency that might make the difference.

I sat down with some of them to find out what they're thinking. We're just days away from the start of the 2024 election, and there are not one, not two, but three Indian American candidates in the mix. We're already half of VP Kamala Harris and Indian Americans make up almost half of the Republican primary. So I gathered a group of mostly conservative Indian American voters to find out why our race is all over this race. I think Indian Americans are very smart. Yeah, they're intelligent, they're smart. I think we do come off as kind of the model minority. A minority that is just American enough,

but just diverse enough to kind of fit that role. You're saying if we can't have a white president, at least we should have an Indian one. It's in the blood, you know, to lead. Our parents push us too much. Is there something in the doll? I think Chinese are coming close to that. The Chinese and Filipinos is is is is is Filipino is Filipino is Filipino is Filipino is Filipino is Filipino is Filipino is Filipino the the C C I think Chinese are coming close to that, yeah? The Chinese and Filipinos, they work hard too.

You're the uncle who gets cut off after the third Johnny Walker. You get cut off after that. Okay, these uncles think we're uniquely qualified. But which Brown candidate belongs in the White House? The annoying kid in the front row of the class, the stern assistant principal, or the teacher teacher teacher teacher teacher teacher teacher teacher teacher teacher teacher teacher teacher that went missing halfway through the school year. I support Nikki Healy. She's coming from an immigrant, immigrant parents and I totally support that because I'm an immigrant myself. So I have Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

I personally prefer a Democratic candidate that decides to the level head. It's a boring. Nicky hailing is my first choice. It's time for a woman to be a president and it's time for an Indian American to be a president. A woman to be president fine, but not Kamala Harris. Not Kamala Harris? No. Okay. What disappoints an auntie more? the fact that Kamala's only half Indian or that she's only vice president? She hasn't made it yet. A little controversially, I have been looking into Vivek a little bit because he's very

much the opposite of what I've been voting for. He's got Riz. Who here thinks that Vivek has Riz? I'll go with him. I think so too. I see Vivek and I was like, he's pretty hot until he opens his mouth. And then I'm like, no, no, no. Not gonna happen for it. So, according to our panel, Riz is being the loudest duce in the room.

Why am I the only person on the stage, at least who can say, that January 6th now does look like it was an inside job? But how well do they know what's actually Who Said That to find out. First up, to the people of India and to Indian Americans all across the US, I want to wish you a happy Indian Independence Day. Who said that? You all got it right except for Trump Uncle. It was, it was, Kamala. I remember a while back watching an interview, I think it was a mayor of San Francisco,

and he was talking about how the only reason she even became DA was because he had an affair with her. That was not at all the question, but that is a very passionate view. That's not the today. Your WhatsApp group chats are way more lit than mine are. As much fun as that misogynist fan fiction was, I had to get our focus back on the game. All right, America is not a racist country. Just try to figure out if he or she sounded disappointed when they said

that. We've got one, two, three, four, five, six Trumps and three Chris Christie's that is incorrect. That is a quote from Nikki Haley. Do you agree or disagree's that is incorrect, that is a quote from Nikki Haley. Do you agree or disagree with that quote? Just have to disagree. It's still prevalent to this day, no matter where you look, there's always racism. Every single time I ride on the subway, I always get picked for extra scrutiny and they always want to check my bag. Well, what's in your bag?

My journals? I get it you work out we can tell. If you're all in agreement that that racism is a problem in the country does it does it make you want to vote for the person you think would do the best job at fixing that? No. No, why not? What? Like 320 million people in this country? You are not going to have him say okay now all of you need to do the the the way the way the way the way the way the way to do away to do away the way to do away to do away the way the way to do away to do away the way to do away the to do a to do a to do a their to do a to do a to do their to do to do to do, to do their to, to, we to, we can't, we can't, we can't, we can't, we can't, we can't, we can't, we can't, we to, we can't, we can't, we to, we to, we can't, we can't, we can't, we can't, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we to, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can't, their, their, their, their, their. their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their. thooooo. their. thoo. toe. toe going to have him say, okay, now all of you need to do away with racism. Yeah, but maybe not saying that the rapist and murderers is like a good step. But to have someone completely act like America

isn't racist at all, I think that's just as bad as being racist. You have all these woke things which are going about control at this particular point in time. I mean, I don't care about people's feelings at this point. That's clear. Yeah, I just knock the job done and the job done right. While it's amazing to imagine a world with an Indian-American president, I'm also not high enough to believe it'll happen this time, which is why I wanted to know who the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group the group two Biden's and the rest are Trumps.

Interesting. To me it's almost like, you know, the old and very disruptive, unfiltered guy that, you know, is it going to make Thanksgiving horrible or the old grandpa that kind of needs a nap too often. Like, it's like, neither of them are the greatest, you know. The one thing with Biden, he's not a strong leader. He should should should should should should should should should never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never should should should should should should should should never that th. He should should should should never th. He should th. He should th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thooooe. He's th. th. th he should have just stayed on the beach. He should never left that beach. What? I keep seeing him in this video on YouTube where he's like pulling this chair like an old

man on a beach, you know, and he's trying to sit down and adjust. It's ridiculous. I mean, like, what are you doing? Why do you keep watching this video? This is your corn humb. So because because one because one because one because one because one because one because one because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, the the the the, the, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's the the the the the the the the the they. I, he's they. I, I, I'm they. I'm the the the the they. I, I, I'm handle a beach chair, we're going to elect another one who wants to put himself on a throne? Trump would have won if we were deciding the election. He's also been really vocal in ways that seem to threaten the nature of democracy, right?

Are any of those things a concern? There is no way which is going to bring about a dictatorship in this country based on a constitution. It th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th is just th is just the the thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus the is just the is just the is just the is just to be to be to be to be to be a to be a to be a to be to be to be to be to be to be the is the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. toe. theananananananananananananananananan. toean. toean. toean. toean. to toean. to to to toean which is going to bring about a dictatorship in this country based on a constitution. It's just not going to happen. He might say it and it's not meant in that manner. So he's not going to do what he said. What I'm saying is that he said he's going to be dictator for one day. But if you're a dictator for one day, don't you just make yourself the dictator for the second day too? Yes, yes. Interim dictator.

Yeah, I mean I would. Indian Americans really are part of our democracy in every way. We hold diverse views, we're passionate about our candidates. And look, we all have a crazy YouTube uncle who dominates the conversation. God bless America, and please vote. Hey, when we come back, Veer Das, we'll be joining me on the show, don't go away. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show, it's going to be coming out every Thursday.

So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative.

Listen to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a comedian and actor. He just won an international Emmy for his Netflix stand-up special landing. Please welcome Verdas. Hey brother, thank you so much. Thank you. Man, clearly you have some fans here. Congratulations on the International Emmy. Thank you.

I, uh, it is on sale if anyone's interested. What was that like? It was surreal, you know, to, what two things. Number one, it was just kind of nice to have that many people listen to an Indian story from across the world. That was very nice. It was an honor. And then the first thought was, how the hell do I get this through JFK? Because it is very sharp and you can murder someone with an international enemy, which, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it th. th. It, it th. It, it th. It, it thi, it thi, it thi, it thi, it thi, it thi, it thi, it thi, it thi, it thi, it thi, it was thi, it was thi, it was thi, it was to to to th th thi, it was thi, it was thi, it was thi, it was thi, it was th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, it was was thi, it was thi, it was thi, it was thi, it was thi, it was thi, it was thi, it was thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi thi thi thi thi thi do I get this through JFK? Because it is very sharp and you can you can murder someone with an international Emmy, which doesn't happen at the after party. It's just, and I'm typically used to being like very nervous at JFK anyway.

Sure. So I just, and when you have that statue with like the late, it's like I've metaphorically kidnapped a white lady. So the guy was just like what's in theoretically kidnapped a white lady. So the guy was just like, what's in the bag? And I was like, it's an international Emmy. And the guy at TSA was like, oh, word. And I was like, OK, precipitation. Because that's a word. I'm kidding.

That didn't happen before the New Yorker fact checks me. Yeah. It's a daily show. No, that checks me. Yeah. It's a daily show. Nobody's going to fact. That's fine. All this win was special, I assume, because based on your stand-up special, you thought at a point that your career was over. You were called a terrorist.

There were criminal charges that were filed against you for the 20-212 poem, two India. That was like a gripping, reflective account of political and social complexity in India. I have to be honest, when I saw both of those, both the poem and the special, my only reaction was this is a brother who loves his country and just wants to make it better through conversation and through art, but not everybody had that reaction. So talk me through sort of that process and what happened. Well, I mean, the central theme of the special, I think, is that love is never yelled, love is felt. And that includes love for your country, where it's never sort of a loud proclamation,

it's kind of a quiet demonstration, and I don't think there's a better demonstration of love than laughter. And I think that, you know, if you love someone you want to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make, you want to make them laugh, and if they love you, they laugh back, and that goes for your country too, but I was at the center of this controversy, and I'm a small fish, so I'm not accustomed to that kind of limelight. And I think, in America, for instance, if you're a big fish and you're in a controversy, there are options, right? So you can go on Oprah. But then you lose your bodyguards. You could blame it on antibiotics. Which doesn't work in India, because we know a lot about antibiotics anyway.

We're like, amoxicillin doesn't cause courage. Or you could, if you know Jader Pinkett Smith's publicist, I guess she is the internet right now. I think she's both a wife and Wi-Fi and I didn't have any of those options. So you kind of fall in love with your job all over again. I was like, okay, I will never lianize myself, I will never victimize myself or take feedback head down. And the first thing I do will write a joke about it that hopefully makes both sides laugh.

And four months later, this is what I wrote, I wrote down saying, I was on the BBC home page and there was a big headline that said, comedian polarizes the nation. Do you know how badly you have to fuck up before the British say... I said, do you know how badly you have to fuck up before the British say that you divided India? Uh, Uh, thank you. Thank you. But what happens then? The point I'm making is, a bad day in your life turns into laughter.

And I think happiness blooms when it's watched and so you get to watch people be happy because of that and then that turns into a gold statue someday and you're kind of you're kind of reminded that comedy this job on its best take and sometimes be alchemy and it's kind of nice. Yeah. That's awesome. It's very well said. The little British thing reminded me, you know, my grandparents were secular freedom fighters. And so those were the stories that we heard growing up as kids and that obviously influenced me later in life.

Recently, Prime Minister Modi was hosted by President Biden. And during that visit, a lot of artists in the South Asian American space were having conversations about our counterparts in India and free speech, free speech and comedy, artistic expression. And I'm curious how you've managed to kind of navigate that space. Well, look, I mean, on one day, our prime minister had dinner with Biden. And the next day, Trevor Noah had dinner with Duolipa. And I wasn't invited to either of those events so I do think if you

get to travel the world as much as I do you start to think of freedom of speech which is the big conversation around the world less locally and more emotionally and I think right now it's you know whether you're in the Middle East or whether you're in India whether you're in the West the conversation is freedom of speech. And I think it's, yes, curtailed by authorities at different levels in different places, but more curtailed by the people around you. You know, we live in this world where you see somebody is just a box, and you could,

you try and control their speech as well for their ideas. And so sometimes we blame it on these larger things above us, but really we're submitting to something scary inside us. And if we can fight that primal urge to lash out at each other, I think then the world just gets better, freedom of speech wise. Like, here's how I think freedom of speech works. It's like you and me are on a train together together together together together together together together together, right together, right together, right together, right together, right train together, right? And somewhere in the corner is a guy who has his dick out, right? Which guy? Just, it's New York, so 50% of the compartment, yeah, but you and I can't do anything about

the guy with his dick out. I'm just talking to see if you see it too. Yeah. And I think that's what freedom of speech is. I just need to know that you also see the dick. I, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I, I just, I just, I just, I just, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to see if you see it too. And I think that's what freedom of speech is. I just need to know that you also see the dick. I just, I have to give you so much props for this, because this could have gone in two different directions. This could have ended up with like the New York Times, Bombay Times, all of them just writing about some serious political conversation and instead, it's like Kalpin and Verdas are on a the the their th, th, are on th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to thi, toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, thi, thi, thi, th instead, it's like, Calpin and Verdas are on a train with a dude whose dick is out. There you. And that's, that's the, yeah. Thank you, you.

Really, just elevating the humor in it. So, I have to give you flowers, though. Can I take a second to give you flowers? Yes. Okay. So, the America to try and act is because we saw you be the first Indian brown man be edgy and cool and funny in American cinema. So yeah. So, what? Thank you. Thank you.

So, I would like to thank you for ruining so many lives. Because I came to college in America because I saw Van Wild and then I went to college in Galesburg, Illinois, and I'm like, where the fuck is this college where people sleep with the Indian guy, CalPenn is a liar. And just by the way, I think you know this, statistically, this is the sexiest accent in the world, all right? I'm just saying. All right. At this is the sexiest accent in the world. All right, I'm just saying, right? At this given moment, more women are having sex with this accent

than any other accent in the world. All right? So, in your face, France. And also, you then do Harold and Kumar, where you go and get cheese burgers, and at the night, at the end of the night, you make up with your parents. Do you know what would happen if I told my parents, I spent the whole night looking for beef? Harold would go to White Castle.

Kumar would have an arranged marriage the next week. But flowers. Well, thanks brother, thank you. And I have to say, you know, there were many very talentedeeeeaaa the the the the the the the talea talea talea taleateateateateateateateateateateateateate, toe, toe, toe, toe, to, to, to be, to be, too.. to be, to to, to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, they... they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the too. too. too. too. too. too. to, to, to, to, thanks brother, thank you. And I have to say, you know, there were many very talented actors who came before me who didn't have the same opportunities I did, who also went to drama school, who also worked their butts off, and so I appreciate those accolades and I share it with them. You know, um, before we let you go, I also, I want to know about your tour. It is. A, I want to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. their, their, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. the about your tour. It's a 33 country tour. It is. A, I want to know where you're going in the new tour. But then B, are there bits that don't translate in some countries that people just don't find funny?

Do you have to curate it for each audience? No. I think now it's kind of because can't I take you to Delhi? And if you've never been, come over and at the end of the night, whether you're Indian or not, you'll be Indian. You know, so come to my show. I'm going to be playing Carnegie Hall. I think I'll be the first Indian comic to do it. All right. Yeah. Congrats. And we're doing the Kennedy Center and the Chicago Theater and a bunch of theaters in January. I'm looking for it. It's large. You know. Congratulations. I can't wait to check out the tour.

You're developing a comedy with my buddy Andy Sandberg. Can you tell us about it? I can. Okay. I wanted I want I want I want I want I want to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to c. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. the the the the the the the the t. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C.ell us about it? I can. Okay. I wanted to be in a TV show that was a modern immigration story. But I wanted it because immigrants will always come over and do sensible stuff in America. Right? And why take a 29-hour flight if you're going to do something sensible when you land? So I wanted to make the show where Americans and Indians sit on a sofa and watch together, but Indians get to come over and be outrageous and ludicrous and enjoy America. So my show is called Country Eastern and it's about me as a brown bearded Indian man who becomes a country music single in Memphis, Tennessee.

Yes. Yes. I'm a huge country music fan, so that makes me very excited. On your shows, you always end asking people in your audience what's the one thing you want to say to the world. Why do you do that? I just think it's so interesting. I have, I think one of the smartest crowds in comedy, and I say that to get their money. And I say that to get their money, I, I, their, their, their, tha, thia, thia, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and I thi, and I thi, and I thi, and I thi, and I thi, and I thi, and I thi, and I thi, and I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and I thi, and I thi, thi, and I thi, and I thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, and I thi,. I just do it. I think a lot of comedy these days becomes

about look at me and look at my jokes and look at my pathos and my ethos. But, you know, the audience is an equally loud voice as you do. And I think there's no better teacher than their laughter and their silence. So sometimes I just like to put the camera on them and say look at who I have the privilege of performing for th. th. th. th. th. th. And some th. th. And some to th. And some to th. And some thi. And some thi. And some thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. I thi. I thi, that that that that that that is thi, thi, that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi that thi that that that thi thi thi thi thi thi th like to put the camera on them and say look at who I have the privilege of performing for and some of it is great and some of it is you know what it is but I think it's valuable to share your platform with your audience sometimes. That's the only reason I do it. Do you still tour with Jehu Beach Sand? Okay so in the special I have some Indian soil. Look, I'm a brown man with a beard, so traveling with a bag full of dust.

Internationally doesn't work out well for me, innally, but I, uh... I try to. Look, my shows are like this big reunion. You know, if you're not from India, you get integrated into India. If you're Indian, you sometimes haven't been the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin thin thin thin, so to to to to to to to to to to to to to to so so soviling, so soviling, so soviling, so soviling, so soviling, so soviling, so soving, so soving, so soving, so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th so th so th know if you're not from India you get integrated into India if you're Indian you sometimes haven't been in a room full of Indians in a really long time do you know how many people hook up at my shows like this is the best fucking ad ever right I'm like Sima auntie with a jawline all right that's who I? Like I have couples that are formed at my shows, so it's this big India celebration. It's kind of cool. Man, that's awesome. Thank you so much

for coming. Veer, we'll be performing his mindful world tour to Carnegie Hall on January 19th with more stops in the U.S. in January and February. Beardos, everyone. We're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. Dude, thank you so much. Thank you. to the Daily Show. toxin' the Daily Show. to weeknights at 11. 10 Central on Comedy Central.

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