The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Texting vs. Calling | Hold Up with Dulcé Sloan & Josh Johnson

Episode Date: May 14, 2023

“Sarcasm cannot be conveyed over a text. The number of times I've gotten into it with somebody, because I was being sarcastic and they thought they were being attacked.” - Dulcé Sloan “Emojis are what have brought context back to text. If you can text me something and then end it with a little yellow dude with his eyes rolling back of his head, I'm like, "Oh, okay. For a second I thought you were coming for me. Now I'm realizing, we're on the same page."- Josh Johnson It’s texting vs. calling, this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson. Original Air Date: April 13, 2023 Hold Up is a podcast from The Daily Show. Listen to new episodes every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts, or watch at YouTube.com/TheDaily Show See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. What's up, Ears Edition, listener. It's Dulce, Sloan, corresponded for the Daily Show. You're about to hear an episode of one of our original Daily Show podcast, Hold Up, hosted by me and daily show writer Josh Johnson. It's where we take our office banter into a weekly war of words about topics big and small. In this episode we have one of our most fiery debates yet. We're talking texting versus calling. We talk about what's the best way to break up

with someone if sarcasm can be conveyed over text and why we need different fonts instead of emogees. Tune in to find out which side of the debate we each land on and if you like the show check out the holdup, wherever you get your podcast. If you break up with me via text message, then in my mind, in my mind, you are twirling the end of your mustache. You are dick dastardly. I am tied to railroad tracks, you son of a bitch. That is so funny. Wow. Wow. Hey everybody, welcome to Hold Up.

It's a big show about a lot of nothing. I am one of your co-hosts. My name is Josh Johnson. I am a writer for the Daily Show and I am joined by Duce Slane! It's your girl, me the smooth operator herself. Okay? I am a stand-up comedian. I'm also a correspondent on the Daily Show and I, what the fuck? I do the voice of honeybee on the Great North on the box and I'm out here just chilling in the mall with your daddy, you know, got some new hair wrong Still in my cat shirt because you know

Niggies got a stunt The laughing don't get me wrong. I love your joy. I'm always I'm always happy for you to be joyful, but the the steps and the levels to the laughing. Today we're talking to the people about probably one of one of the topics because on the show we don't really get deep. We don't talk about world events. We don't we don't talk about huge serious topics because on the show we don't really get deep. We don't talk about world events. We don't we don't talk about huge serious topics but today might be the most serious we've ever done. Because honestly what this really speaks to is generations. You know what I mean? And the type of friend, the type of loved one, the type of communicator that you are. So it's how much time you're allowing to spend with the the the the the the the the the the the to the to the to the to the the to the the to to to the the to to the to the to to the to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be toe toeou. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to are. Mm-hmm. So it's how much time you're allowing to spend with someone. How you communicate.

And the topic for today, kids, is texting versus calling. And you know it's some shit because I'm the one that introduced it. Now, I'm gonna give y'all some time to choose. Play the music. And we're back. Okay. Joshua, what I'm not going to do today is come for your neck.

Also, the coordination between your burgundy shirt and his burgundy hair, come on. I know. Come on. Together, t his burgundy hair come on! I know. Come on. Together we make one a bad bitch. You know? You mash us together. Hey, if you see Josh. together, hmm.

Hey, if you see Josh from behind, he. I'm doing my best. You're a bad bitch. I don't doing my squats. Mm-hmm. I'm also doing my best. It's a bad bitch. I don't know if you know about Josh Johnson. Doing my squats. You know. Squads? Mm-hmm. I'm also doing my squats. The point, I, these squats I've been doing must have been popping because another comic asked me if I had a BBL. Wow. And for somebody to ask me if my ass was purchased, Mm-hmm. When it was not? Mm-hmm. Whoo! That's a compliment if I ever heard one, I don't care who you are.

Yeah, when it was homegrown, you know? Homegrown! Just do a little squat scene, just change the shape a little bit. So Joshua, when it comes to text V call, mm-hmm. In the battle of the century, yeah. Who? Who you running with? I got to go texting. I got to go to go tha tak tac tac ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta te te te ta ta ta ta ta te to ta te- to ta- to te- to to to te- to- to- to-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s home-s home thoomomomomomom-s home thoom hom home-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s tha-s tha-s tha-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-scoananananangoanango'-sgo'-sgo'-sgo'-sgo'-sgo'-sgo'-sgo'-sgo'-sgo'-sgo'-sgo'-sgo'-sg Who? Who are you running with?

I gotta go texting. I thought you would. I gotta go texting day in, day out. What I'm not gonna do today? I'm not gonna come for your neck. Okay. Because this comes down to how someone communicates. And if you're communicating, then it's not wrong. Yeah, as long as you're you're trying to make your feelings, no, as long as you're trying

to be an adult about things, then, A, we're all in support of your effort. Absolutely. Because people, the thing I will say, first thing I'll say of why I'm in support of texting versus calling, a lot of times, some people will say, oh no, I like, their, their, their, their, I their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, th.. th. thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to be, thi, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be a. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be, to be, to be times some people will say, oh no, I like to call so I can get the context of the situation so that I can hear their voice, so I can, whatever. A lot of miscommunication can happen over the phone. You can catch the wrong tone. Someone wasn't in meaning to, you know, in part to you. You can, I mean, it happens.

You could be on the phone than there is with text messaging? I'm not saying there's not more. I'm saying that it can still happen. I'm not saying it can't. What I will say is because, like first of all, sarcasm cannot be conveyed over a text. The number of times I've gotten into it with somebody because I was being sarcastic with someone when they thought you were being attackful. Like we need... Were you using the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the tha thaaua? tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha tha. I tha tha. tha- tha- tha- tha-s tha- thaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqa ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta taaa taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... ta. tful. Like we need... Were you using emojis?

No, I was using regular letters. Because the emoges are what have brought context back to text, okay? But some of them emoge don't make no sense. Some of them don't make any sense, but if you can text me something and then end it with a little with a yellow, yellow dude with his eyes rolling back at his head. I'm like, oh, okay. All right. Because for a second, I thought you were coming from me, now I'm realizing little dude eyes rolled back, we're on the same page. Okay. Is there something that you think cannot be conveyed via text? I think, yes. What subjects, what conversations can you not have via text message?

You can't do breakup over text message. Okay. Because with a breakup, because this is the thing, the reason that there is miscommunication in text messages is because now I'm really trying to give me, give me some slack here to try to explain what I'm saying because I, I deeply believe this but I've never had to put to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their a break their a break their a break their a break their a break their a break their a break their a break the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try... I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm really. I'm really to try to explain what I'm saying because I I deeply believe this but I've never had to put into words I just sort of live by it. When you are texting a person you're making them say what you said in their head. Which which is why people misunderstand people in text message. Because they read it with a nasty tone, even if you didn't mean it nasty, right?

Right, right, right. Right. What I think happens with a breakup, I don't think it can happen over text message, because no matter how well and thought out the text message is, and how long it is, and how kind it is, you might as well call them and read that. Because I guarantee you if somebody is breaking up with you and they're texting it to you, you're not going to read it the way they wrote it no matter what it is because there's going to be hurt involved. Absolutely. Yeah. The fuck not. If you break up with me via text message, then in my mind, in my mind,

you are twirling the end of your mustache. You are dick dastardly. I am tied to railroad tracks, you son of a bitch. That is so funny. Wow. Wow. If you break via text message? Mm-hmm. You're a villain. Wow. Wow. If you break, via text message? Mm-hmm. You're a villain. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Where are your henchmen? Who it? Yeah. Bastard, if you break up with me via text message, the fuck is wrong with you. I had a guy that I met, I met this guy at a bar, we were like making out. And then we were gonna hang out. He wanted me to come hang out with him the next day. But I was, I had a bunch of flights.

I had a bunch of work that I needed to do because I was gonna be in the road that week. And I'd buy like a bunch of flights. He was like, we're gonna be in a bar bar, to be able, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to come, to, to, to, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to, to, to, to, to, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to, to me, too, too, to me, too, to, to, to, to, to, to, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, I was like, in my mind, I could go to this bar, but I was always in the habit of like, I don't want to push off work to go hang out with a boy. Okay. Because I had to get this money. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because I was doing what, Josh? Grinding. Yes, grinding.

Grinding. sacrificed a grind for a grind. Bro! Yeah I mean? Because you could have been out here grinding, living in sin, making the beast with two backs, you know what I'm saying? But you are like, no, I'm gonna do my work grind. All right? I'm gonna make the pages, Russell, okay? Whether I'm doing homework and I'm flipping pages, you know, or whether I'm cash and checks and I'm flipping bills. Okay, there's a grind. Or I'm giving American Airlines $300 at a time. Geez, yeah, yeah, that's a real thing. Ooh, hope those miles don't grind.

Oh, huh. As long as they don't grind to a halt, baby, we are right. Yeah. So, and he wanted me to come hang out. And I was like, I was really trying to, and I, and I, and I was trying, and I, and I, and I was trying, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I was really, and I'm, and I, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. th. I, thr. thr. thr. to, the. to, to, thr. the. to. the. the. thr. the. th really trying to just I was trying to so I met him like a Saturday night the next day he went to hang out I flew out Monday he flew out Monday. We really didn't talk throughout the week I tried to hit him up and he'd be like one or two sentences I was like okay Friday we both get back in town. This fucker text me. Hi Sloan first of all that is not my first name. Yeah He gave me the most thank you for your application Career builder fucking text message. Yeah, yeah, we wish you well if you need a reference

Right, we can't provide it. You didn't work here long enough. So I just was like when it said hi Sloan. I was like this is, I didn't, I don't think I even read, read the rest of it. I was like, yeah, fine. But it was like, he's like, oh, you know, you're in and out of town a lot. And I just texted him back. We were out of town the hook must have activated. Activate it. Because you sent me this thing. Like with a switch. Yes, I don't know if this, if she finally filled up with well, I don't know what happened. Activated. What kind of magic rag and a fucking bowl of water this bitch was it just was like Do do you do and she became a full-figured woman

Wow, so like that situation I was like yeah, this is this is fine. Yeah, I mean I think that the thing that calling has for me where I choose texting over calling You know I'm team calling. I know your team calling and I feel like some calls are so short that for the lead. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the lead. the lead. the lead. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the lead. I the lead. I the lead. I the the the to. I the the the to the the the the to the the the to to to to to to th. Do. Do. Do. I the the th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. th. the. the. the. te. te. te. tod te. te. te. today. to. to. calling and I feel like some calls are so short that for the lead-up and for the conversation it could have been a text message. It's the same way some meetings could have been emails. There are some calls that could have been texts. Because if you really don't have much to say to me, you might as well text me. Most meetings can be emails and some emails can be text messages. Mm-hmm. Right? We all know that. Yeah.

I prefer calling because one, I was born in 1983. Okay. I remember T9 texting. Yes. Okay. Where you really had to, the fact, when people, you knew somebody was had to the fact when people you knew somebody was good and mad when they text you back fast on T9. Because T9 was a for those that don't know T9 would try to guess based on your next letter. Yep. The word. So essentially what Gmail is doing now, but horrible.

Like it would be like, you want to send them the word mayonnaise, right? And it's like I'm saying ma'am. I even have the apostrophe so hard. It was insane. It would be like, you made mayonnaise, right? And I'm like, I've never text anyone mayonnaise at all. Also, no one can spell mayonnaise but the people who produce mayonnaise. Everyone else says mayo. Yeah.

So the same way, you've never texted somebody, congratulations. You said congrra and your phone said, julations. You don't know that for that word. None of a so I feel like that was T9 when somebody texts you back fast it was either real emergency, hard hard emergency or they want to murder you. I remember my friend this this this it still makes me laugh so my friend was telling the story about how she was dating this dude and she was, she admitted that she was fully out of pocket for this.

So this is like, this is a situation where everybody knows what it is. So this isn't one of those, let's debate on the internet, that she's telling the story and this is a, and she said she was dead ass wrong to start with. She said she was wrong, right? Oh, I love this. So she was dating this dude. This dude, and this is a texting versus calling situation too. Because, okay. So she was dating this dude. This dude pretty, and he's so pretty it makes her a little insecure, right? Oh, I hate those guys because they make you say stupid things. And so then he is just, I'm pretty sure he's just living his life.

Like the way she told the story, it seemed like he was living his life. Then a woman commented on one of his pictures on Instagram. Right. Now, the woman that commented on one of his pictures on Instagram was like an X from two X's thiks, so like a third X. So we're talking about about the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, the way the way, the way, it's the way, it the way the way the way, it the way the way, it the way, it the way the way, it the way the way the way the way, it the way th, it th, it th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi. thtalking about somebody who's like just check and testing the water Whatever right? But she don't need to be saying shit She don't need to be saying anything but If you if you have a free and open internet you actually can't control who decides to comment under your thing because it's not like it's not like you know. It's not like she found Dms to the thinne? It's not like. It's not like like. It's not like the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to th. She th. to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be saying. She to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She's not. She's not like. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. She's not. to be to to to to th. to to to to to to to to to be to be th she posted something right? What she said? She just said something about him looking good or whatever right? Okay so she tried it all right. So she tried it so she tried it so she

tried it and then he said um thanks like he didn't say he wasn't like he said he said like um thanks so he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable right but but she saw it she got so mad that he to th th th th I th I th I th th th th I th th th th th th th th th thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus th thus thi thi he he thi thi was was was was was th. he was was was was was was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was uncomfortable he was uncomfortable he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he he he was he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he was he was uncomfortable he was uncomfortable thus he was uncomfortable he was uncomfortable he was uncomfortable he was uncomfortable he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so he was uncomfortable so that he even spoke to her in the thing, but also in a public format. Like this is that, once again, we're not talking about DMs. This is a public format that he was like, um, thanks? Right. X? Yeah, I mean? Right. She flips out and she is text to him. How hard did she flipped. Like, she said she flipped all the way out. She said that she just she just she just she just she just she just she just she just she just she just she just she just she just s she just s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too too. too. too. too. to too. to to to to to to to to to to to to texted to him. How hard did she flip? Like she said she flipped all the way out. She said that she just saw red and like wasn't a because also she wasn't like a full adult at the time so like we're talking about grown but we're not talking about grown grown right and so she's just seeing red because I guess she already didn't like this woman and so now this woman sniffing around her man and she doesn't like her and the dude responded to it all be it uncomfortably right but anyway she's like my mistake

my mistake was that I didn't call first I text him I was gonna kill him and then I called so of course he did pick him and then I called so of course he didn't pick up Of course he didn't pick up but then No, ma'am Then she started texting to more because he Because he wouldn't pick up I've been in the situation where this mothucker won't answer and he's never gonna answer and so you said you you said you were gonna kill them to kill him. You said you you they were gonna kill him. You the he, you they he, you, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he he he he he he, he he he he, he he, he he, he he, he he, he he, he he, he he, he he, he he, he was he, he he, he was he, he he. He, but he didn't, but he didn't, but he didn't. He, but he didn't. He, but he, but he, but he he he he he he he he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he he. He he, he he he, he he, he he he he he, he he he he he he he he he he he he he, he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he, he didn't, he, he, he didn't, he, he, he, he, he, he, he he he, won't answer and he's never going to answer. And so you just... You said you were going to kill him first. So now you call it.

Well one, you can only threaten someone's life in person. Yeah. Like I threatened my ex. Yeah. Be, for whatever reason. And, um, it's fine. But threats have to be done in person. Mm-hmm.

You can't threaten, you especially can't threaten over text message. Yeah. Over written word over things that are screen shotable. Mm-hmm. You cannot threaten when it's screenshotable. You can't threatened and for a text message, you can't, because you can't give the police evidentia. But, in person? Sir? Yeah. I heard you've never met your grandparents. Do you want to? Because you can't? And so basically, yeah, that's a, that's a situation where she should have called. She decided to text. No, no, no, no, no, no. What you do it, you do it? You can't. You can't. you. It, you? It, you? It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. the. you. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. you. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. the. you. you. the's a situation where she should have called she decided to text and No, no, no, no, what you do it you do the reverse of that first of all you report her comment and spam

the ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Would you rather argue over text or on a call? Oh on the phone? On the phone? You think so? Absa fucking lutely. Because in text message argument, yeah. It will take all day. But I feel like in a text message argument, I never misspeak. In a text message argument, it takes me,

it takes me the time, it takes me to type, and then it takes me the time it takes me to read it, and then I send it. It's been super rare in my life that I've texted anything that I regret texting. I've said a lot of stuff I taped to to to to moving at the speed of your mouth. Now, text message arguments do make you think about what you are saying. Yeah, because you gotta type out the whole thing. I've backspaced many too far. So many times I've been like, don't say, don't say that.

Yeah, you want this person in your life, don't say this. Don't say thrownthere's the thing about things that's the thing I say something truly ugly to somebody via text message they can always go back and look at it they they they can also you can't you can obviously record a person talking to you but there's a special type of like contextualizing you can do if you screenshot a nasty text message There's a thing where I think obviously you can listen to someone's voice and people can make what they will of what the person was saying. Mm-hmm.

Because texting makes you read in your voice, in your head, I'm telling you if somebody sends you something truly profane and you screenshot that and you put that, whether you put it out for the world or you show it to your friend and you're like, so they just text me this randomly, it seems ten times crazier. No, no, no, no. The best part of a text message argument is I was going back and forth with this guy I was seeing and he was trying to convince me that something he said to me

before is what he didn't say. For the year and a half I knew him like we were hanging out year to half almost two years yeah we hung out we mainly I probably talked to him on the phone like twice yeah it was always texting there was one time where I had to he said something I was like that's not what you said so that is what I was the th you said I was th you said I was th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th th th th thi I was thi that's that's thi thi thi thi thi that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi. I was thi. I was thi. I was thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's that's that's that's thi thi thi thi thi thi to, he said something to me, I was like, that's not what you said. So this is what I said, it's not what you said. So I was able to go back and go, this is what you said. So my favorite part of a text message argument is that I can literally screenshot what someone's, if someone's screenshotting what you said and sending it to you, you're wrong. Oh, I don't know about that. I've never been in a situation where I had to say to someone,

this is what you said, and they're like, no, I didn't. And then I have to take a screenshot of our current text message thread and go, hey, dummy, this is what you said. And either they will go, okay, that is what I said, or deflect. But I've never screenshotted someone in an argument and been wrong. You're forgetting that there are plenty of unreasonable people on the planet. I'm not saying that if I'm to the point

where I'm screenshoting in an argument, yeah. To the person that I'm talking to? Oh, yeah, that you have proof. I'm with you. I'm just saying I've watched. Your honor, please let. I've I've been in a conversation with someone where they said I said something I didn't say and then they sent me a screenshot of the thing that they think I said and it's still not what I said and that's when I'm like, ah I don't know what to do here. Like I don't I genuinely have no idea how to proceed because you're you're saying I I said I I said I I I th of th of to to th of the to to the to their to to their to their to to to their their their to to their to their to to to to to to to to to have to have their their to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their true. true. I true. I true. I true. I'm true. I true. I'm to to their their their their their their what to do here. Like I don't, I genuinely have no idea how to proceed.

Because you're saying I said something I didn't say. And your proof of me saying it is still not me saying it. So now I'm like, ah, geez. I don't like it when you're in the midst of an argument with somebody. And they're arguing with you about the one thing. And then you go, go oh you're hurt. Yeah like you can't let this go yeah you can't let this go yeah yeah and you keep talking to keep talking and you're like okay I figured out what the real reason you're upset is. Mm-hmm but you're

like no I'm like no. Yeah just hurt you just admit it yeah if you're if you're heard about something in in life, please just admit it. You're going to get so much further, so much quicker, if you just admit it. Especially if it's with someone who you're like, if there's a person that's going to be in your life forever, so we're not talking about the end of a relationship, if this is like family or if this is a close friend and you're hurt by something just Just admit it just let just let it out now and not three days from now Because I've called it two years two years three years ten years. Yeah when you called it

that to me. Yeah, ten fucking year literally 10 years later. Yeah. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Nigger, really? Yeah. Yeah. What is more while is when someone's upset with you for something that you didn't know you did? Mm-hmm. I've been in text conversations with people that be became arguments? Mm- became arguments and neither one of us knew how it became an argument. Yeah, it just morphs. It just slowly like, like things and that to your point. I haven't really had that happen while I was on the phone. That's fair. Yeah, because I think a lot of things are perceived as slick in text. Everything, listen,

we need... that aren't slick, fuck all of these emogies, we need more fonts. I mean that, that would be great. Listen, I can't argue with that at all. If any time I said something sarcastic, it was in italics. Yeah. Yeah. It would change our lives. I would say, this is what I will say though. I've heard italics as the as the go-to. I say this is what I will say though I've heard italics as the as the go-to I think italics is for when you're being fancy oh I know you're what you were gonna say when you're being sarcastic I'm gonna be

sarcastic way more than I'm gonna be fancy I know but that's why they need to add the option for the sarcastic one and the sarcastic one needs to be I'm gonna throw it out there a lot the the the the the the the the the the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be s. I. I to be to be s. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm to be to be to be to be s. I'm. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be s. I'm gonna be. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I. I. I'm. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the. I'm the. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. the. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm the the the the's why they need to add the option for the sarcastic one and the sarcastic one needs to be I'm gonna throw it out there a lot of people gonna hate this underlined comic sands I'll allow it because comic sands is ugly enough that you're like that you're like oh yeah what they're saying is dumb and they know it's dumb so it needs to be in a dumb font. Yes? Yeah. Yeah. Well you're saying something serious, bold letters. Bold letters? And, A, when it's on, when it's on... If you put it on your grandma, mama, bold and underline, all right? Oh, oh, God? If you're putting it, if you're putting it down on everything I love, bold and underlying. Everything I love, God, my mama, my kids. Yeah, my kids. Look, that's on my whole bank account, all right?

Bold and underlined. And that's on what? Period? Wow. With an extra tea. And that's on Mary had a little lamb. Yeah. Mm. Mm. Mm. We're not doing enough. It's like you're giving us all these emoes. I don't need nobody.

I don't need no more dancing. What I need, I need an eye roll an emogy that actually rolls. Mm-hmm. Because I roll emo is like it's looking up. But that's what gifts are for. Joshua, did you know I was a gift? What? What? I'm a gift.

When? It's me! Oh, wow. Yeah, look at you. And I didn't realize, you know, your girls, hmm. Mm-hmm. Them cheeks are sitting different if you know what I mean. Oh God. Tell me more. Go ahead. Oh, just basically.

I think that texting broadens the spectrum of people who can engage in good conversation now. Because you have the ability to wait until you have something to say. You have the ability to backspace what you are about to say, and you have the ability to think, really, really think about what you're going to say next. Doesn't mean it always works, doesn't mean it's always spelled correctly. But I think these folks really be out here thanking Josh. I think that if you're on the phone and you have, let's say a crush on somebody, right? And you're nervous. It's gonna be way hard to be suave or be yourself

or think about what to say next, then if you are texting them. I think that texting also, if you want to talk about the, I'm not good at flirting. I'm good at flirting. On the phone. On the phone. No, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. No. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I th. I to. I to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. to thi. thi. to thi. thing on the phone on the phone okay now now when you say hold on hold on when you say on the phone are you talking about face time too well that's up to you when you say

calling versus texting are you talking about face time I wasn't talking about face time but I think I think I now I'm talking about face time yeah I think that their time now I'm t think that that's fair. Face Time is a different animal. Yeah, it's a different beast, but I think that there's something to be said for. Here, I'll throw it out. This is going to make it maybe too broad. Okay. Also when it comes to texting, you got to throw DMs in there. Okay. Because people have whole DM conversations for the length of their their their their their their their their their their, on their favorite app. I guess I would include DMs, Facebook messengies, DMs, PMs. DMs give more, for better, for worse, but I think that sometimes for better if you're

interested in the person. DMs give more access, so it is a win for texting because DMs to a certain degree, if there's an artist you want to work with, if there's an icon you respect, you have you have you have you have you have you have the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th thupupupupupupupupil, tha tha tha thi tiaq.m, tm's tm's tm's tm's tm's tm.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m. thems the the texting because DMs to a certain degree, if there's an artist you want to work with, if there's an icon you respect, you have the ability to reach out to them and let them know so. And... But see, and that's why I hate DMs. I know, I'm with you that it goes both ways.

I just think that the access that it gives me to like reach out to people and let them know, hey, I really like what you make and I think that you're great at it. You know what I mean? I could not imagine the DMs. Like I think like Chloe Kardashian has like 240 million followers. I only know that because I was just looking at her Instagram yesterday. Imagine the DMs she fucking gets. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. That corner of the internet. thine thine the internet the internet the internet the internet the internet the internet the internet thine internet the internet the internet thine the internet thine thine thine thine thine thine thine that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the. you're you're you're the. the. you're the. the. the. you're you're great. you're great. you're great. that's that's that's that's that's go to that part of my phone. That's that's fair that corner of the internet can be left alone. Because I have

DMs that I get and I know people there's first of all there's no one being inappropriate with me and people don't believe me I handed one of like one of the comics I handed one of my guy friends I think I was dick's in here. And I was like, I told you. So I don't know who these other women complaining are. But you know what, once again? And I'll say it, now mind you, I was on E one day talking about send me dick picks and when my friends was like, you got the wrong, you were talking to the wrong demographic. Yes, yes, yes, on E. That's. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. That was. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that a.m. Maybe Bravo. Maybe Bravo.

Maybe Bravo. But you really need to go to Spike. Yes. Yes, Spike TV was still on the air? Yeah. Is the Esquire channel still on the air? Yeah. You need to go to whatever, whatever channel host Belitor,

all right? Who? Beltor is one of the MMA promotions. Whatever channel host Beletor would be like, send me pictures of your penis. I guarantee there would be thousands. You might have to burn your phone. I don't know. I'm telling you.

I tell you. You were on the wrong network at the wrong time. Ha ha. You were on the wrong network at the wrong time. Nah, well I'm on I-heart radio right now. I'm gonna wait through for the review of this shit. Well, don't think I was asking for dick picks. Yeah, why not? Yeah, not to us. Not to us. No, not to Josh. Just, just look. Don't send Josh. Mm-hmm. Please. Please. I've been through enough.

Ha ha ha. But no, I do. I love getting a phone call. Yeah, I love. Call is sweet. Yes. Because this is the thing like somebody like sending it text like, but someone take it like, that. Like, when someone took. Like, that, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, th, just, just, th, th, th, just, just, just, th, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, to, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, the the thi, thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the Yeah, the phone call is sweet, yes. Because this is the thing, like somebody like sending a text, like but someone take it like when someone calls you, that means they have the time what I don't like is if you call me and then tell me that you're busy. The fuck did you call me for? That reminds me what today? What was living in Chicago my room, they to ask me for something? F what he had to ask me for and just started coughing. And I was like, you, so you just brought germs. This man walked to the room, had a cough, walked to the room, coughed, coughed, and he's like, what did I come in here for?

And I was ready to strangle him. You should have been. they're here for. And I'm ready to strangle him. You should have been. You should have leapt from your bed. That was wild. Like Santa going from roof to roof, you should have leapt from that fucking bed. Yeah. That's, that was crazy.

Yeah. Like Benny Han himself swung his jacket at you and you. I love Benny Han. I love Benny It would be hitting people with such expensive jackets. That's where the healing comes from. It's the threads. The thread count on it is infinite. Immaculate. They have not finished counting the threads on a Benny handsuit But just getting a phone call from somebody just being able to giggle on the phone with a boy

Mm-hmm. And you know, I like the little girl said I love boys Because the thing is the phone saved us During is we've been in this panorama. I think we're are we finally out of the thing is the phone saved us during this, we've been in this panorama? I think we're, are we finally out of the panorama? Uh, it depends on who you ask, but sure. Okay, because I know people can still catch that shit, but. Mm-hmm. The phone was saving niggers when we were in lockdown.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The cell phone towers had never been so used. Is Clubhouse still a thing? I don't know. They sent me an email yesterday and I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, like I, I feel as though there's all this. Their conference call?

Yeah, there are all these groups, right? And... It's not even on this phone. Because House Party felt... The House Party came and went so fast. Because it was like, I remember, I was like, okay, we don't need to see each other. Yeah. Rob Hayes and Matt Richards used to do a twerking competition on Clubhouse.

But you can't see video on Clubhouse. you had to make a clap on the app So it's a booty clap competition What? How do you know people aren't just slamming an empty sprite can? That's the point you don't So the yeah, just so this is kind of so as other girl Janay? We were the judges and so the biggest score you could get would be five peaches. Mm-hmm, and so basically you do people? you, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, the the the the th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. the th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. tape tape tape tape tape tape tape tape tape tape tape tape thape they the judges. And so the biggest score, the highest score you could get would be five peaches. And so basically you knew people were just going, you knew it was hands. We all knew it was hands. Okay. We were all living in this illusion that this was booty cheeks clapping, right?

Yeah. In various patterns. And people would do it, like, sometimes it was like, I'm gonna give that a peach seed. Because you, wow. I'm gonna give that the fuzz. Like you just took a quick shave on the side, but some people came through and it was just melodic, it was rhythmical, it was britifer. Oh, rhythmical. Um, Uh, just, I didn't know you hated that non-word. I think that thia you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you that you that you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated you hated that that you hated you hated that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, that, that, that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that, that that that that that that that that th thi thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to thi to to to thi to thi thi thi. thithat this is my thing. This is another reason that I think that texting wins out,

is that when you make apps out of our two things, texting wins. You know? So Clubhouse is just a conference call out. And then Twitter is texting. Hmm. Listen, as someone who has never understood Twitter as a concept, as a lifestyle, as a label, as a movement, I just, I've never gotten into Twitter.

It's just too many words for me. Okay. I guess. Because like when Twitter and Instagram came out, I was like, oh, they just broke Facebook in half. Yeah, it did feel like Facebook was already doing everything that Twitter was going to do, but now there's just a different ecosystem that I think is it play where even though Twitter is essentially Facebook now because now they've allowed so much video on it, I think that Twitter still sort of beats

Facebook in a text message. I've never laughed as hard as I've laughed on the phone. Mm, okay. Especially if you're talking to. Yeah. Most of my text messages are utilitarian. Okay. Unless I just met somebody.

But for the most part, it's somebody text me about a show, it's work shit. So a show, daily work shit so a show daily show my manager hey what are you doing like catching up with somebody when you don't have time to call. Like somebody called me the other day was like hey just seeing how you're doing we haven't talked in a while and if you if we haven't talked in a while and you call you call me, oh, I love that. Because the text message makes me go, okay, you're still not that concern that you haven't talked to me in a while, you know what I mean? It's still not a thing that you really... I think that I think of the text message. I see your point, but I think of the text message in a different way because I'm always someone who's a bit self-conscious about what other people might be

doing in the moment and I think that some sometimes calls can be seen as a bit intrusive especially depending on the hour whereas a text message is like all right whenever I mean I mean I think we have to because they remember like you couldn't call anybody's house past like nine or 10 Yeah, yeah past 10 for me But I also remember where to send a text message cost 10 cents Mm-hmm, and I remember when my friends with he was like you taxed me and I was like a cost 10 cents. I said I'll give you a dollar And we can have a conversation. But I remember like calls being free after seven. Because if calls are free after nine, everybody was talking so late,

they were like, ah, seven. But in the same way that like, I remember as a, like, growing up, anybody could show up at your house at any time. I give you that you can't have the same type of catch-up on texting that you can on a phone call? Like if you haven't talked in years and they call you and now you're catching up and what's been going on with you all the stuff like that. It's not the same in text message but I will I'll see that and I will raise you that texting is a never-ending conversation.

You never say good- totext message, you just say, I'll talk to you soon, or I'll talk to you tomorrow, talk to you later. But if you look at a text message between two people, it's the entire history of their relationship as it evolved. Nobody says, by. That's crazy. Nobody says by. Just stop texting me. Why would you say bye? That's, oh, that's terrifying. I can say when you're in the, like, when you meet somebody and you're in the talking stage,

that's when you're like, hey, I'll talk to you later. It's that's where, when you're in the talking stage with a new person, that's where you say goodbye and tex messaging. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, th. th. that, that, when that, when you're that, when you're th, when you're that, when you're th. When you're thi, when you're th. When you're th. When you're th. When you're th, when you're th, when you're th, when you're th, when you're th, when you're th, when you're th. When th. When th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, when you're that, when you're that, when you're that, when you're that, when you're that, when you're that, when you're that, when you're that, when you're like, when've had this phone. Mm-hmm. And if you're doing something, you'll be like, hey, I got to run or I got to do this, but like you've never been like, uh, well, I'll talk to you later, bye. And I was like, what? Yeah. Buy is like, very final in text message. thi is for enemies. Wait, who can I text? It'd be like, okay bye. Like if you take if you text someone and you just said goodbye, they probably give you a phone call if they're a real friend.

Immediately! Who can- That's a phone call. That's like, ooh. How do we test this theory? Who do we text? Goodbye. Let me see. Uh, Roy, Roy, where is that at work? Yeah. Let's text for Roy goodbye. Now, is it just the word goodbye?

Or is it like, it's just the word goodbye or is it like it's been real goodbye? It's just the word goodbye. Just the word goodbye, okay. And I'm going to text it to him right now and we're going to see what because also you have to tel their phone. Yeah, yeah. Now should I do it too? Because you're about to do it?

Okay, he just read it. Let's see what happens. See what happens. Because he's the uncle so he has his read receipts on. This dude I was talking to he got an iPhone and he didn't know what read receipts were. And I was like, sir, you talked to too, I wanted to tell him. But it was like also he has too big, you talked to too manyto take I wanted to tell him mm-hmm but it was like also he has to be you talked to too many bitches you need to you take out the three receipts because the day I found I saw him read something and he didn't I was like I'll kill you what you're talking about Roy ain't concerned just this thing this thing you This thicker that is not concerned at all. I am upset.

This is why I get for being a strong black woman, son of a bitch. This is not concerned at all. Must not meant to text me. Must not be... Oh, she... This is a mistake. That's so funny. That's so funny. That's so funny.

That's so funny. I'm gonna miss you. Goodbye. He's not doing doing he is not called The phone was like I must not have been me The phone must have gone back in the pocket That's wild. He didn't say shit. Oh, God now what if you text it to him to see what he does? Let me say, let me say. I want to see how fast he because he read it as soon as I sent it.

This right here. This I want to see how fast he read it as soon as I sent it. This right here? This is why texting is better. You get to know the score. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. He ain't been concerned. He was like, ah, it wasn't for me. Yeah. Did he even rejores? He just read mine so he read mine two minutes late yeah big nice and clean huh

oh he said wow he said nothing to me Oh, God See now this negan text to me he said her wait did Josh to thi that to both of us I sent it to you why you asking me about Josh I'm I'm almost positive he thinks I got fired Damn be nice and clean huh? Okay, okay. Either wait, did Josh send that to both of us about him? What? Oh, God. He wasn't decided by my welfare or nothing.

I'm telling him what we're doing right now. Just so he doesn't walk up to someone in the building right now and be like, damn, you know they fired Josh right? This is nonsense. Well, let's kick it to the listeners because apparently Roy Virginia don't love me as much that I thought he did. Jesus. Well, yeah, let us know, you know when it comes to texting, calling, when it comes to arguing, talking a little flirty, all right, relaying a message, getting in contact with somebody, what do you prefer, and what do you do? All right, are you a texter, you a caller? Let us know, let us know.

This is another episode of a holdup brought to you by the people who brought you Comedy Central. And it's brought to you by me through the stage zone and Joshua and Joshua Ezekiel Johnson. Joshua, tell the people where they can see you on the socials. You can go in the show notes right now. We did it real nice and nifty for you. It's real sweet and all compounded up and everything. And everything. And everything. And everything. And everything. And everything. And th. And th. And th. And th. And to. And th. And to to th. And to to to to th. And to to to th. And to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the people the people the people the people the people the the the the the the the the the the the the the people the the people the people the people. the people. the people. the people who the people who the people who the people who the people who the people who the people who the people who the people who the people who the people who to to the people who to to to the people who the people notes right now. We did it real nice and nifty for you. It's real sweet and all compounded up and everything. You can get it right in every episode, whatever you want to.

Just all you gotta do is click the episode, look down, hit that see more button if you're on Spotify, and then all you need to do is go to Josh Johnson Comedy.com. Backslash tour. You all have a great, great rest of the day and a wonderful, wonderful weekend. Thank you for listening. Smooth operator, meet. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching the Daily Show, where ever you get your podcast.

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