The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The Best Moments Between Hosts Jon Stewart & Trevor Noah

Episode Date: January 18, 2024

In his Daily Show debut, Trevor Noah admits to Host Jon Stewart that with rampant racial inequality and Ebola outbreaks, Trevor hesitated to visit a country as troubled as the U.S. Trevor and Jon also examine the international tensions underlying the Chess Olympiad. And, Jon Stewart surprises Trevor in the studio.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. Ladies and down, this is a great night for us. We're always excited on the show to find new, talented voices that can contribute to our program. So we are very pleased to welcome our newest contributor from South Africa, Mr. Trevor,

Thanks for joining me. Nice to see it. Welcome, sir. How are you? We're really delighted that you're going to be joining us. And I know that you flew in, I guess, yesterday, uh, on to to to to to to to to to to, on to to to to, on the show, on the show, on to the show, on to the show, on the show, on to to to the show, on to to to to to the the show the the the show on the show on the show the show on to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the show on the show on the show on the show on the show on the show on the show on the show on the show on the show on the show on the show on the show on the show on the show, on the show, on the show, on the show, on the show, on the show, on the the the the the the the the. Wea, the. Wea, the. Wea' the show the show the show thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' the. th you? We're really delighted that you're going to be joining us, and I know that you flew in, I guess, yesterday from South Africa. Yeah, I just flew in, and boy, my arms tired. Okay. All right there, oldie but a goodie, very nice.

No, no, no, seriously. I've been holding my arms like this since I got here. Yeah. I never thought I'd be more afraid of police in America than in South Africa. It kind of makes me a little nostalgic for the old days back home. That's just, come on. Are you saying black people in South Africa today don't get assaulted and killed by police? Oh, no, no, no. I mean, they do. But since apartheid ended, they're now also being killed by black black, the black, the the the the the the theid ended, they're now also being killed by black police. Progress. Well, that's, listen, baby steps, but you're relaxed now, you're not nervous, you feel good, you're... I'm still a bit nervous, to be honest, between your cops and frankly, your Ebola, I...

I...ahah! Your Ebola, my friend. It's not our... Believe me, he misspoke. You are from Africa, it's your Ebola, my friend. No, no, no, South Africa, John. We haven't had a single case in over 18 years. In fact, my friends warned me, they were like, Trevor, don't go, don't go to the US, you'll catch Ebola.

And I was like, you know what, guys, just because they had a few cases of Ebola, Right? Sure, I'd be... That would be... That would be ignorant. You know, I guess we tend to forget that South Africa, you know, isn't, you know, right nex door to Liberia. Right? 4,000 miles away. That's what I... Yeah. I was calculating in kilometers. I'm sure you were, John.

Thanks. I know, you were, John. Thanks. I know, you know what, to a lot of Americans, Africa is just one giant village full of AIDS huts and starving children, who you can say for just five cents a day. But there's a whole other side of Africa you never get to see. Yeah. You got that video, the lions who chase that buffalo comes up and he grabs it, you know what I mean? Yeah. And. And then the buffalo gets it. That's a good one.

Yeah, yeah. But that's not what I'm talking about. No, me neither. John, let's, you know what, let's play a little game. It's called Spotty Africa. Ah, this. this, theymethere on the right there, probably Silicon Valley. It's probably heading off to Twitter there. The one on the left, clearly been shelled by rebels. I'm going to go with Somalia maybe.

And, uh... Actually, the road on the right is a super highway in Central Africa. The photo on the left, I took that from my cab on the way here from the airport. the threat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Try again. Try again. All right. Okay, this one's easy. On the left there, that's the Success Academy in Harlem.

On the right there, we gotta be going to homeless kids. I'm going to go with, in Somalia again. I think that's my go-to reference. Somalia, homeless kids. I'm sorry, John. The answer I was looking for was Detroit on the right. Last one. I hate this game. All right, no, I get how this works now. The one on the right there, that's Detroit, right? Okay.

And then, uh... Well, actually, that's a slum in Johannesburg. Some places in Africa are still prudity. All right. I get your point, though, Trevor. But you're not saying that, but you're tha, but, but, tha, tha, tha, tha, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th, th, th, th. That, th. That, th. That, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. That, th. That, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that, th are better than they are in America, are you? No, no, no, I'm not saying that. You guys are saying that. The United States right now incarcerates more African Americans as a percentage than apartheid South Africa did.

The race gap in the wealth in the United States, right now between the median white family and the median black black family is 18 full. That's greater than the black, white wealth gap was in th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. You, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. You, th. You, th, th, th. You, th. You, th, th, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. th. thi, thi, thi. thatea. thatea. thr-a. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi. than the black, white, wealth gap was in apartheid South Africa. Oh my God. Here's the amazing part. For South Africa to achieve that kind of black, white, wealth gap, we had to construct an entire apartheid state, denying blacks the right to vote or own property. But you, you did it without even trying. We trained for decades and you just waltzed in and won the gold medal.

Well, that's, you know, blundering into things is how we rolled. Well, at least, at least we're getting better. We started from the bottom and now we're here. Oh, a little bit of Drake right there. A little bit of Drake right there. A little bit of her. A little bit. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I never. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've thi. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the thi th. Blu th. Blu th. Bl've got to be honest, John. Africa's worried about you guys. You know what African mothers tell their children every day? Be grateful for what you have, because they are fat children starving in Mississippi. In fact, we're so worried that me and some of my friends in Soweto got together, and I told them, I said, guys, for just a few pennies a day, you can help an American. That's very kind, Trevor, I'm...

Now, they're expecting something from you in return. They're expecting at least a letter a month. No, I know, I know how that goes. If you want, you know what, you can just draw a picture. You put th th th th th th th th th th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th. th. th. th. tho, th. that, that, that, you tho, you tho, th. that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, you tho, you tho, you tho, you tho, you tho, you tho, you that, you that, you can that, you can that, you can th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, tho, tho, tho. tho. tha. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. You it up on the fridge, that's nice. Oh, and you know what? We wrote a song for you as well. All right, I'm looking forward to this. Something like this. All right. Mm-hmm.

Feed a America. Let them know it's Christmas time. Oh, no, please. We can't. Everybody now, let them know it's Christmas time. Trevor Noah, everybody. May the way today. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show,

it's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID, Thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative.

Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. It's Thursday, which means it's time once again for our weekly Chess News Roundup. Chess News Roundup. Oh! I thought you guys like that. Anyway, this week in chess, America is making a concerted effort to buy top foreign chess players in an attempt to win next year's Chess Olympiad gold medal for the first time of decades. That's right. The United States is buying up nerds. Nerd mercenaries.

Nerds. For more, we welcome back our senior international correspondent, Mr. Trevor Noah. Trevor! A pleasure. Thank you. Very delighted to have you here. Thank you very much, John. It's an absolute pleasure to be back here to talk about chess.

The game of kings, smart checkers, black and white horsey squares. The history of chess stretches back centuries. Oh, come on, John, John, what? What? I'm sorry. Come on. I'm sorry. I didn't realize how boring chess was until someone else's. All right.

Look, I mean, if Americans are so bored by chess, then why are you stealing everyone else's players? We'd like to win. We would like to win. I mean, let's face facts. We could patiently build a homegrown chess team through years of hard work, but years of hard work. Um, we'd rather just buy him. You know what, John, does America really need to be the best at everything? I mean, you already dominate the world in economics, military power? th........ th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th. th. th. thi and thi and thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th th th th th th, th, we are th, we are th, we are th, we are thi, we are thi, we are thi, we are thi, we are thi, thi, we are thi, we are thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thiaa' thia' thia' thia' thia' thia' thia' thia. We are so thi th be the best at everything? I mean, you already dominate the world in economics, military power, obesity. Well, you're very kind.

We have the most Dakotas. You've got so many Dakotas. Yes. Well, what is it? North, South. Fanning, Johnson. Yes. Some Dakota for the rest of us.

It is not like America has not had chess grates of its own. You had a, what was that movie? Bobby Fisher. But that was what, 40 years ago? No, I just rented it. It was, um, deep blue, the IBM chess computer? I'm pretty sure the parts came from China. All right, Trevor, what if we don't buy players? What if we don't buy them? It's just free market. No, John, it's not. This is a sport to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a the the to be a sport. to be a sport. to be a sport to be a sport to be a sport to be a sport the the the th. It's just free market. This is how it works. No, John, it's not. This is a sport,

kind of. Right? This is not meant to be an economic transaction like buying a loaf of bread or a seat in Congress. That hurts. America is supposed to be all about earning victory. Do you remember that movie where a guy from Philadelphia punched the Russian so hard it ended the cold war? What if instead of training Rocky to fight Ivan Drago? America just. Do the thu? Do thu? Do thu? Do thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, thu, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, th, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, th, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiii, thiiii, thiiii, thii, thi, thi, thi, thi, training Rocky to fight Ivan Drago, America just hired Ivan Drago. It's a way worse movie. That would be a totally awesome movie. Fish out of water, communist in a capitalist country, but he learns how to love America and teaches his landlord how to make Borsch, like it's such a good movie.

It would be a good movie. Thank you. I would like to go to the Embarstable. I love I love thua I love thu I love thu I love thu I love thu I love thu. I love thu. I It would be. I would like to go to the Embarstable. Yes. I love it. But you know what, John? I don't even think that this is about chess. This is about Russia. Because what's the only thing Russians

more than filming their own car accidents? thiii. Land grabs? No, John. No, chess. They have more world champions than any other country. Who's their current champion? Well, officially Putin. I mean, uh... Come on. We all remember that famous photo.

Oh! You know what's weird? I always thought he was on a real horse. You don't look because you just see the nipples. You don't realize. That's true. But here's my point. America's been trying to get back at Russia for stealing Crimea, or you know, warring with the Ukraine, supporting Assad. You've tried everything.

Sanctions, diplomacy, passive aggressive subtweets. Nothing's worked. So now, you're trying to take Russia's place in the pawns. It's just, they're just so mean, I just hate them so much. Yeah, but I understand, John, but if you really want to beat them, yes. You need to do it the old-fashioned way. You need to earn it. And you know what?

I'm going to give you a chance to make this whole thing right. Through the ancient battle? Yeah? tha. tha? tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thuuu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi. thi. thi. thi. thate. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. thi. tha. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. th. th. the. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. already talked about it. No, no, John, I mean through the magic of chess. Wow. All right. I know how to play the traditional cutting of the wires. Oh, I thought they'd go away, but they don't. It's, oh, there that goes, all right, very nice. All right. Okay, all right, because I'm white, I'll go first.

Uh, all right. I guess because I'm Jewish, I'll go second. Porn to D4. Oh, snap. Mouset. Check me! USA! USA! USA!

USA! Trevor Noah! We'll be right back. Boom! Alabama voters, they're not gonna ditch Roy Moore. And one of the biggest reasons is because his people have used another trick from the tru-book. Make all of the news fake news.

Mudding the waters even more in Alabama, a bogus robo-call. This suspicious message, pretending to be from the Washington Post, which broke the story about Moore's accusers. Hi, this is Lenny Brown's team, I'm a reporter for the Washington Post. Calling to find out if anyone at this address is a female between the ages of 54 to 57 years old really will make damaging remarks without candidate only more for a ward of between 5,000 or 7,000 dollars. All right, I'm going to go out on a limb and say this Bernie Bernstein is not a real Washington Post reporter.

I don't even know what that accent was. It sounded like a guy trying to do a New York Jewish voice based on hearing a friend describe a Woody Allen movie. Like obviously there is no Bernie Bernstein from the Washington Post. Like people are being paid for this really? There's someone who's out there who's paying people to make up stories about Roy Moore like what is... Like what is... Sorry, I don't know who this is who this is. Hello?

Hello, Trevor BoiCick. How can you say that Bernie Bernstein isn't real? It's me. Oyvesmir. I'm sorry, who is this? It's a Washington Post reporter, Bernie Bernstein, who else should it be? I'm sorry, something's not right about this. Hold on, you sound like you're nearby. Where did you say you were calling from exactly?

I'm calling from the Washington Post, Bernie Bernstein. I'm a real person. I'm a very Jewish person. Trevor, may I say something to start on? Really? Trevor, may I say something to start on? Using a flip phone, John? I'm old. I was actually just trying to promote Night at Too Many Stars on HBO, and uh, it's a benefit to raise money for autism services, and there's a lot of great people, and I wanted to come by and thank you for doing something to help raise money for the autism benefit as well There Trevor's actually doing something for it as well. Yeah, I mean, I'm I'm I don't need it. I just like it that way

I mean, I feel like it. I mean, I feel like it that way. I mean, I feel like I function best. You don't you don't you. You don't you. You don't you. You don't you. You don't you. You don't th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th that. I th that. I that. I that. I that. I th th th that. I that. I that that that that that that th. I th. I th th th th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I th. I the the the the the to the to to the the to the the the th's how I function best. But that's that's right like here at the Daily Show we've decided to raffle off a chance for someone at home to be interviewed by me here on our set. What? Yeah that's right. What? I will fly you and a friend? A friend? A friend? I will put you up in a hotel and then we can sit down at this very desk and talk about anything you want. Just go to O'Mays.com slash Trevor and make a donation. That's an unbelievable prize and I'll tell you why. I watch this show and you're very good at it. Well, thank you. Well, thank you.

So if you don't mind me asking, like, what have you been up to? I live out there, you know, the wilds of Jersey, raising the animals, doing the thing there, so it's, you know, the bad lands as it were. So you're raising animals, and I'm, so you're basically in Africa and I'm in America, it's like we flipped lives, that's what happened here. I have to get this. Yes, hello, this is Bernie Bern, please. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcast.

Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, the weekly show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.