The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The Best of Good News - Centenarian Charity Walker, Goats on the Loose & Facebook's Ant Colony

Episode Date: August 9, 2020

A 100-year-old U.K. man is knighted after raising millions by walking, goats run loose in a California neighborhood, and millions of Facebook users pretend to be ants. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. the S. the S. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the.'s what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17th. One big story that went viral last month was from the UK, where a hundred-year-old man raised $40 million doing a charity walk in his garden. And now, the UK is saying to him, Good on you, chap. A hundred-year-old veteran in Great Britain will receive a knighthood. He'll be knighted for helping frontline workers during the coronavirus pandemic.

Captain Tom Moore raised more than 4040 million for Britain's National Health Service by just walking around, walking laps around his garden using a walker like you see right here, and that effort captivated the nation. Oh, this is fantastic. This 100-year-old man is going to become a knight, which is the highest British honor you can receive outside of Star Baker. And I'm not surprised this man is concerned with how the Queen's gonna handle that sword.

I mean, we all saw how she stabbed Megan Markle in the back. You don't know what she's capable of. I just can't wait for him to meet all the other knights thi. I'm Sir Tom Moore, knighted, to to to to to to to to to to th th the th th th th th th th th the th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the thi, their, th their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi... thi. thi. th th thi thi th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi.. thi. ed for raising 40 million dollars for the NHS. And I'm Sir Mixelot. I was knighted for telling the truth about how much I like big butts. But this goes to show you two things. One, when it comes to helping, your age doesn't matter. Anybody can help. And two, people in every country around the world are really desperate for sports right now.

Because clearly people in England were like, look, it's no Olympics, but I've heard there's an old man who's walking around his house every day, and it might be quite entertaining. Are you shitting me? I would pay 10 pounds to 100 pounds to watch that. That sounds bloody exciting. Do you sometimes wish that you could say, screw safety.

I'm just going to grab all my friends and run wild through the streets. Well it turns out you're not the only one. Invasion of the goats, that was the scene in one neighborhood after a herd of goats got loose. The goats managed to knock over an electric fence and took a leisurely stroll through the streets. Neighbors had to open up a side gate and lead the goats back where they were supposed to be. Nobody was hurt, but there was some minor damage. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Go, go. Go. Holy shit. Did you see that? Not one of those goats is wearing a mask. Oh, Fauci's not going to be happy. I will say though, those goats are tempting fate

running through the streets like that when there's a meat shortage in the country. Yeah, because they can run wild in the suburbs. But if they try that shit in the Bronx, my Jamaican peats will turn them into a curry like that. Ha ha ha ha! What is? Look here, a first time goat delif'er themselves. But look, man, it's clear to see what's happening here. Humans have stayed inside for too long, and now animals have forgotten who's boss. And you realize what that means? When lockdown is over, we're going to have to fight them to take back our streets. Yeah, as soon as quarantine ends, the first goat I see, I'm going to be like,

Hey, yo, go! Church, the place that was rocking robes long before Corona. Now, they're known for sticking to old traditions, but in these Corona times, even priests are learning to innovate. When priests in Michigan may have found the most unique way to connect with parishioners and social distance at the same time. Photos posted on social media by St. Ambrose Church shows the Reverend using a squirt gun to shoot Holy Water. As you can see, drivers pulled up to the church steps and are greeted by the Reverend who's wearing a face mask, gloves and holding a bright green gun. He told BuzzFewed news for an article over the weekend that he was a bit concerned

about how the Vatican might react when the photos of him squirting holy the internet. But he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he says he s he s he s. He s. He s. He s. He s. He s, he s, he s, he s, he s, he s, he s, he s, he s, th. the th. th. th. the the the the the the th. He, he, he, he's, he's, he. He, he. He. He, he. He, he, he. He, he, he. He, he, he, he, he. He, he, he, he, he. He, he, the the the the the the the the the the t. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the-a, thea. thea. ttthea. thea. the's, the's, the. the. the. the on the internet. But he says, quote, I haven't heard anything yet. Okay, hold up. Water gun, blessings? That might finally be the thing that gets the church's numbers to go back up again. And it's a great way for other Catholic priests to explain why they have a bunch of kids toys in their basements. The only way this could be more fun is if they did it with a water balloon. Because that way, you could watch it in slow motion and see the exact moment when your sins are absolved.

You know, this also opens the Catholic Church to much cooler scenes and movies. You know, because normally the Catholic priest is always timid and all they can do is pray. But now, when they meet a demon, they can be like, say hello, to my little friend. Squirt, Squirt, Squirt, Squirt, Squirt, Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt. Facebook, the world's largest social network and elderly Tick Tock, is bringing millions of users together in a really unexpected way. More than a million people are spending time during quarantine pretending to be ants. So this Facebook group is called group where we all pretend to be ants in a colony.

Look at one of the posts here. Ants crawling on ice cream. One person says, munch with me and then take some to the queen. You can see the comments say nom, slurp, and lift to Queen. Okay, this is a, this is really interesting. To take their minds off of the stress of Corona, millions of Facebook users are pretending to be ants. And you thought you were the only one in quarantine feeling a little ants. Ha ha ha ha ha ha, back to you, Sandra. Look man, I get it. Who wouldn't want want to to to to to to to you you to you you th you th to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi the thi the thi, the, thom- thom- th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, the the th, the the th, the the th, th, th, th, th, the the the th, the the the the the the th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi thuuui thu-ni thi thu-u-n''''''u-n-n-n-u-n-n-n-n-u., Sandra. Look, man, I get it. I get it. Who wouldn't want to live the carefree life of an ant, right?

You just spend all your time carrying crumbs 5,000 times your body weight until the day some asshole kid steps on you because his board sounds like a dream. Now, I know a lot of people are just having fun, but please remember, whenever there's something really fun on Facebook, there's a good chance it's created by the Russians. Let's all pretend to be end. We bring sugar to Queen. Then we not vote for Joe Biden.

My favorite story comes out of Pennsylvania, where a 93-year-old woman stuck in her house held a sign out of her window saying, I need more beer. And then after a picture went viral, Kurs sprang into action and delivered her 10 cases of beer. And I'm really excited that this worked for her because I've tried the same thing. Yeah, I've had a sign outside my window for weeks and I've gotten nothing. And this just shows that you can't judge a book by its cover. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thin, thi. the. thi. toe. th th thin, th toe. th thean, thin, the. th th the. th th to same thing. Yeah, I've had a sign outside my window for weeks and I've gotten nothing. And this just shows that you can't judge a book by its cover. Because we always think that old people are just sitting around doing boring things like knitting or Sudoku or reminiscing about having sex on the Titanic. But this story changes everything. We've got to think of old

people differently. They're living life. In fact, I think they need to add a different setting to those life alert necklaces. Mrs. Fletcher, are you okay? Did you fall? No, I'm out of booze, and I can't get crunk. Every day, we're hearing about how animals are thriving without us. But in Japan, it turns out that there are some animals that just miss our face. A Japanese aquarium is asking people to make video calls to their eels.

Why? It's all to remind the sensitive creatures humans exist and don't pose a threat. With a largely human-free environment, the last couple months, aquarium staff say when keepers try to check on the garden eels, they hide in the sand. In a bid to reacquaint the eal the eal the eal the ea the eaq-the eaq-the ea, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their-in-in, their-in-in, their-in, their-in, th-in, thu-in'l, tiel, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, te.e.e.e.e.e. Ite. It's, te. It's, toge. It's, toge.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e. It's ise. It a bid to reacquaint the eels with humans, the aquarium is setting up five tablets and asking eel enthusiasts to connect via FaceTime. That's right, because they haven't been any visitors at the zoo, the zoo wants people to video chat with the eels so that they remember humans and don't view them as a threat. Yeah, although if you ask me, reminding the eels about humans will have the opposite effect. Why is the ocean so small? All right. The humans put us in a water zoo. Oh, and you know what the good news is? Eels are perfectly designed for video chats. Yeah, because if anyone tries to flash their penis on these zoom calls, the eels, they're not going to be phased. It's just be like, ah, look at that. Another another. th. th. th. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theal. theal. tealoooooooooanananananananananananananananananan. treel, treel, treel, to be phased. Just be like, ah, look at that.

Another eel on the call. A very strange eel, so small and so pale, he must be sick. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11th, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Cencentral app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show weeknights at 11 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television.

Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts.