The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The Daily Show Podcast Universe Episode 4: Pod Save Little Creek Elementary (Rebroadcast)

Episode Date: January 9, 2021

Three 9-year-old co-hosts - Jonny, Tommy, and Isabelle - lead the resistance against their authoritarian principal. Features Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan. Originally aired February 3, 2020. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17th. What can you do to fight back against the injustices of today? Obviously, there's no better activism

than listening to a podcast. It's time to join the resistance against a tyrannical, divisive elementary school principal, along with your hosts Johnny, Tommy, and Isabel. This is Pod Save Little Creek Elementary, the 519th podcast in our growing network. We are the podcast by the Resistance and for the Resistance. Inside Little Creek Elementary School in Fairfax, Virginia. I'm Johnny.

I'm Isabella and I'm Tommy. We're in fourth grade and we have so much to discuss this week including Principal Welsh's outrageous decision to shorten recess by 15 minutes. This is not normal. We also have plenty more about Principal Welsh's efforts to build a wall between Little Creek Elementary and Santa Puebla Mill School. Your parents tax dollars hard at work. Later in the pod we have an interview with Miss Stone. She's a substitute teacher who we think should be the next principal of Little Creek Elementary School. She made a lot of ways last week when she let us

have two snack times. So excited for that. Before we get going some housekeeping. We are recording a live episode of Pod Save Lil Creek at Jackson's 9th birthday party on Saturday. If you'd like to attend the taping, get your mom to RSVP to Jackson's mom. There's going to be laser tag. Tommy, we also have some news about our sister podcast. Yes, our sister podcast has a new interview with my sister. Her name is Victoria. She's in eighth grade and she's really mean to me. Check out Pod Save my sister on iTunes. Also, this episode of Pod Save Little Creek is bought to you by Glue. Glue delivered straight to your cubby hole. Are you tired of constantly running out of glue?

I know I am. Glue apron is your new source for all things glue. Crazy glue, rubber cement, you name it. Last week I got an amazing glue stick from glue apron. It's purple, I'm obsessed. Love glue apron. I especially like their edible glue. I don't think any of their glue is edible. I have to go to the bathroom. Glue apron. It's paste, modernized.

Let's get to the news. This week, Principal Welsh announced an escalation in his trade war, banning the trade of all Pokemon cards. He said, quote, I'm calling for a total and complete shutdown of all Snorlax decks until we figure out what's going on. A few questions. First of all, can the principal do this? Absolutely not. He is way beyond his authority here. It's mind-blowing. For years, the foundation of our elementary school contain two unmistakable truths. First, everybody needs a kuddy strut. And second, that free trade is essential to the health of this school.

Isabella, I want to turn to you. Why aren't any teacher speaking up about this clear abusive power? Well, did the teacher speak up when Principal Welch appointed Timmy Johnson Hall monitor, even though he's the biggest bully in fifth grade? Did the teacher speak up when he tried to ban all finger painting because one kid ate the paint? Again, it looked like it was edible. We know this about the teachers. They are complicit. They are egotistical, and they are isosceles. Can I just say something? This is a principal who is stoking divisions. He's making us learn long division. Every phone has a calculator. Amen. And can I just say another thing? There is no reason we should

be learning to play the recorder. This is a baloney instrument. Let's get back on track. I think we need to face the facts here. And this is unpleasant to admit, but the principal is a fart face. This is a principal who has showed time and time again that he's a fart face. But all of his enablers are too afraid to say, Principal Welch is a fart face. It's almost like calling someone a fart face is worse than actually being a fart face. Speaking of fart faces, how is the principal Welch's son a student of the month? You're talking about Principal Welsh Jr. Yeah, he doesn't even know what a fraction is, and all of a sudden he's doing morning announcements and getting straight A's?

It's part of a larger pattern of corruption. I mean, why is it that Principal Welch is forcing us to learn cursive? No one writes cursive anymore. It's because Principal Welsh is a right supremacist. He's an out-and-out-right supremacist. This is not normal. Let's also not forget that Principal Welch has repeatedly committed adultery. And Tommy, remind our listeners what adultery is. Adultery is when you ask an adult why they're doing something,

and they say, Because I'm an adult and you aren't. I hate adultery. My dad. My th. th. th. th. th. th. the is is is. thary is thary is thary is thary is thary is thory is thory is thory is when thory is when thory is when thory is when thory is when thory is when thory is when thory is when thary is when thary is when thory is when thory is when thory is when thory is when thory is when thory is when thory is when thary is when thary is when thi. thi is when thtive is when thtive is when thtive is when thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi is when thi is when thi is when thi is when thi is when thi is when you thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th're doing something and they say, because I'm an adult and you aren't. I hate adultery. My dad always commits adultery when I ask why he gets to eat ice cream for dinner. My dad also committed adultery and now I get to Christmases. Isabella, what can our listeners do to fight back against Principal Welsh? There are so many awesome organizations out there. You can go to Vote Save Little Creek.org for a list of opportunities. We are currently looking for volunteers to T.P. Principal Welch's office. That's a great event for a

great cause. You should also check out our friends at Swing Left. And how can our listeners find Swing Left? On the playground? It's a swing set on the left, next the monkey bars. Another great organization and a very fun swing. Okay, we'll be right back after this award from our sponsors. Great, I'm going to go to the potty. PODD Save Little Creek is brought to you by Progressive Mommy. Did you accidentally call your teacher mommy? Did you start crying as everyone laughed? Pod Save Little Creek is brought to you by Progressive Mommy Insurance. Did you accidentally call your teacher Mommy?

Did you start crying as everyone laughed at you? I've done that several times. Well, Tommy, you need Progressive Mommy insurance, which can protect you in the case of a Mommy accident. Progressive Mommy insurance will tell other students you didn't actually save mommy, and that you're just crying because you had dust in your eye. Question, would this work if I called Mr. Thompson dad and hypothetically peed my pants during the school talent show?

Absolutely. Progressive Mommy Insurance also covers dad accidents for no additional cost. Wow, where was this all of second grade? Progressive mommy insurance. Don't talk to your teacher without it. Hello, Pod Save Little Creek Elementary listeners. I'm Tom Steyer. If you're like me, you're concerned about the direction of Little Creek Elementary School under Principal Welch. That's why I'm spending $12 million of my own money on podcast ads to announce my candidacy for Principal of Little Creek Elementary.

I support progressive school policies, like more flavors of milk in the cafeteria, and a ban on Dodge Ball. Whether you're a third grader or a PE teacher, I'd appreciate your support. And now back to the pod. Our guest today is someone that we believe should be the next principal of Little Creek Elementary. She was a substitute teacher last week. Please welcome, Miss Stone. Hi kids! This podcasting studio is so cool. Did your parents up your Saturday? Are you kidding? My parents are so behind the times. They communicate via text message.

What's wrong with texting? So, Miss Stone? You are an amazing substitute teacher. We were supposed to take a geography quiz. You let us play board games. We were supposed to learn long division. You let us watch Chicken Run. Let's start at the beginning. Why were you inspired to become a sub?

Hmm, let's see. I got fired from Old Navy for running an illegal casino in the fitting rooms. The next day I saw pop-up ad for a substitute teacher on nasty-celeb makeouts.com and two days later, boom, I'm teaching fourth graders. Inspiring. Tell me, Miss Okay, what else? I guess the performing arts theater, hmm. I would also turn into an illegal casino.

We were hoping you had some ideas that would make the school better for us, the students? Oh, okay, okay, okay. Um, you know, I've got problems with Principal Welch. We hear that. For example, why do you fourth graders have so much homework? Sing it, sister. In fact, why do you have to come to school at all? I'm loving this. You could make plenty of money as a blackjack dealer in my illegal casino. Okay, Miss Stone, you've given us and our listeners a lot to think about.

Thank you for having me. Do you validate parking? Parking is free. This is a public elementary school. Well then who did I pet? Oh, hell no! Who's that man I am at my keys to? I think she could be the future of this elementary school. Yeah, I mean, I have some concerns about the illegal casino part of her platform but there's no such thing as the perfect candidate for Principal. This is not normal. What's not normal? Sorry my mom forgot to cut the crust off my PB and J. That's all for today's episode of Pod Save Lil' Creek Elementary. Be sure to tune in next week when we will have an interview with Mr. Weaver.

He is another candidate for principal who is running on a promise of coody shots for all. No student should go into debt because they cannot afford a coody shot. That's next week on Pod Save Little Creek Elementary. Until then, we hope to see you at Jackson's birthday party this Saturday. Let's unfudge this elementary school. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change.

Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.