The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The Daily Show Podcast Universe Episode 5: Podcast Today

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

Introducing The Daily Show Podcast Universe, a five-episode miniseries, each episode a parody of a popular podcast or podcast genre. Subscribe HERE or search for "The Daily Show Podcast Universe" to hear them all.In this episode, Desi Lydic, Michael Kosta, and Jaboukie Young-White bring you the ultimate podcast - more ads, more housekeeping, and more plugs for live shows than you ever thought possible. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, A Second Look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to Comedy Central. Hi there, podcast listener. This is your host, Desi Leidic, letting you know that podcast today is just one episode in the Daily Show Podcast Universe, a new mini-series from the Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

To hear all five episodes, search for The Daily Show Podcast Universe on Apple Podcasts. Are you a busy person who's always on the go? This next podcast is for you. No bull, no filler. Just news and analysis. That's straight to the point. No beating around the bush, no wasting your time, no repetition. We know you're a busy person who's always on the go.

This next podcast is for you. Buckle your seatbelts. Desilic and Michael Costa present. Podcast today where we cut through the noise and bring you real talk about what's happening today. I'm Desilaitic. I'm Michael Costa. Before we get to today's episode, some quick housekeeping. Thursday's pod will be released at 6 p.m. instead of 1 p.m. because I have to take my dog to the dentist. Also a little more housekeeping. Friday's show is a listener mail bag.

Send in those questions to pod today letters at Mindspring. the today's to pod atri. toone spree. One last bit toosem. the the the th. One last bit. tod tod. tod. tod. tod. tod. tod. tooom. tooom. tooom. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to too. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too-a. too-a. too-a. too-s. too-s. too-s. too. too. too. tod. tod. tod. tod, tod, toda. toda. the today's the today's the today's today's today's today's today's today's today's too. too. dog no longer has a cavity. Well terrific. Turns out my dog didn't have a cavity. He just needs a Sharpie. We should also mention tickets are now on sale to our live shows in Oklahoma City, Minneapolis and Hartford. Right. Use code. I'm with podcast. San Antonio, Jacksonville, Biloxi, Philadelphia, an. the throatsesapeake, Fresno, Norfolk, and Boise. Is that all? Can I announce a code now? Go for it. Use code, I'm with pod... Indianapolis, St. Louis, and Providence.

We'll see you soon. Use code I'm with Podcast for 2% off early bird tickets. I forgot to mention Branson, Missouri. Hey, just a reminder that you should follow at podcast today on Twitter. Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, Tick-Tock, Pinterest, MySpace, Adult Friend Finder, and of course the Weight-Lifting Forums. This episode of Podcast Today is brought to you by Shrimp Fix. Every week, Shrimp Fix sends you a 24-pound box of delicious golf shrimp. Are you tired of walking down the sidewalks with a big net full of tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod today today today today today today to to today today to to to to to to to to to today to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho tho tho tho the the the the the the the today today today today to to to to to to to to to to to to to to today is brought to you by shrimp fix. Every week, shrimp fix sends you a 24-pound box of delicious golf shrimp. Are you tired of walking down the sidewalk with a big net full of shrimp?

Try shrimp. It's shrimp. It's shrimp to shrimp. It's srimp.shraerdix. Knock, knock. Who's there? Look on to shrimpfix.com, backslash, today, and your first order will come with a free bucket of tartar sauce. Before we get started, we have an exciting announcement about a new partnership.

Podcast today is teaming up with the good folks at Votesbank.org for a great project. Here's the deal. Ahead of the election, VoteSpank.org.org and podcast, and podcast today, and podcast today today today today today today today today today today today today.org, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, and their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoooooooooo. too. to to to to to to project. Here's the deal. Ahead of the election, vote spank.org and podcast today are gonna make polling sites brand spanking new. That's right, Desi. We're gonna renovate in Dverman, church basements, school gyms, abandoned circuit cities, anywhere votes are gonna be cast. No more polling places will be closed

because of raccoon investations. Unlike the last t. All you have to do to participate is go to vote spank.org, sign up, give them your name, email address, birth date, home address, work address, income level. You just show up in some loose-fitting clothes, preferably all black, bring some work gloves, a ski mask, and 20 feet of nautical grade rope, and you're all set. Let's spank this election flat palms big wind-up firm contact Boat spank dot org together we can make democracy brand spank and new You know I think it's time to introduce our guest yeah, that's right. He's a correspondent for the Daily Show with Trevor Noah

Jabuki Young White. Thanks so much for having me. You know the studio is a lot smaller than I thought it would be. Now, Djibouki, before we talk shop, you have a book to promote? Yes, well, it's actually more like a Twitter account. It's my Twitter account, at Djibouki. Cool, and where can our listeners find your Twitter account? On Twitter. Fantastic. I can't wait to read it does he. Before we get to Djibouki we just have a little more housekeeping. Podcast Today is looking for new theme music. So if you're an amateur composer and you want to compose our theme song for free you can submit your compositions at podcast today music at prodigy. Just a few guidelines. Your theme song has to be original. It has to to to be to be to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to. to be. to be. to be. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. I. to. I. to. to. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the the to.....a......................................................y.net. Just a few guidelines. Your theme song has to be original.

It has to be less than 30 seconds. Has to be funky. It must include a flu. There can't be any screams in the background. And it must be in a frequency that sends marine life into a frenzy. Lyrics cannot include slurs against Macedonians or Turks. But they must include at least two references to Sagorny Weaver. Get those submissions in guys. Can't wait to hear them. Okay, we want to remind our listeners to check out our sister pod podcast today this week. This week on podcast today this week we'll have some amazing guests including Montana governor and former presidential candidate Steve Bullock. Is he related to Sandra Bullock? That's what we're gonna find out. You know what I was thinking? If Sandra Bullock were the first. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the th. to be to be to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the tod today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. to. to. to. today. today. tod I was thinking? If Sandra Bullock were the first lady, she'd turn the White House into the Lake House.

You know what I'm saying? I don't think I do. Yeah, what does that mean? You know, the Lake House. 2006, Kianna Reeves and Sandra Bullock exchanged love letters through a mysterious time space. Thea space. Podcast today is brought you by Claire Space. Need a website specifically dedicated to Claire Danes? Use Claire Space. We have thousands of different templates you can use to create a website revolving around the actress Claire Dains and nothing else.

I'm serious. If you try to make the website about muffins or something, then your computer will crash and give you a virus. Clare space because Claire Danes is a national treasure. Kassi, you use Clare Space, right? I actually use Clare Space to build my internet tribute to Brokedown Palace. Clare Space. If you make a website about Jennifer Love Hewitt, you're gonna get malware. And now it's time to get to the point. As always, get to the point is sponsored by Henry's Rusty Shave Club. Henry's Rusty Shave Club was started by two college roommates who hated shaving with high-priced razors,

so they decided to do something about it. They bought a German factory that had been making torture devices until it abruptly shut down in 1945, but was still filled with thousands of boxes of the thousands of boxes of used, oxidizing 74-year-year-old razors and Henry's Rusty Shave Club was born. Now for only eight bucks a month, you'll get vintage, tetanus lubricated blades delivered right to your door. Henry's Rusty Shave Club.

Life is rough. Shouldn't your shave be too? That ad for Henry's Rusty Shave Club is sponsored by Buckbanger. Costa? Buckbanger, the fastest easiest way to send money. Costa, you used Buckbanger this week? I sure did. So Monday, I went to the movies with my buddy. We saw Aladdin again. Oh, you love a rapping genie. I can't help it.

Anyway, we get the tickets, we see the movie. It's magical. And on the way out of the for turning it into a road pancake. So naturally, I opened my wallet to buy the silence of all the witnesses, but uh-oh, I spent my last Jackson on Mr. Will Smith's heartwarming and humorous tour to force. So what do I do? I open the buckbanger app, send $50 bribes to everyone who saw me do it, and I'm home by dinner time, the answer. the answer? thapapapapapapapapapapapapap. to th. th. to th. to th. to th. th. th. to to th. th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. to thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to the to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the theean theean toeeean toeean. toe. toe. toe. to to to By the way, the answer? Not soon enough. Uh, Costa, you just confessed to a crime. What? The crime of loving Aladdin? If that's a crime, then lock me up in solitary confinement, preferably with a Blu-ray of Will Smith's Aladdin. Buckbanger, the easiest way to send money. All right, let's get to the point.

But before we do, we need to address something we said on Monday's show. Let's take a listen. It's Monday. And before we get started, we have to thear. It's Monday. And before we get started, we back to 3 p.m. instead of 1 p.m. I have to be home at 1 p.m. to get my latest shipment from shrimp fix. Hey, is it bad if hypothetically a dog eats a sharpie? Just some housekeeping on that bit of housekeeping. Tuesday's show was actually released at 3.30 p.m. instead of 1 p.m.

Because we had more housekeeping than we anticipated. Just a bit more housekeeping. We are aiming to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have the the the to have the the the th. th. th. th. thi. thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tom. tom. tom. tom. tom. tom. tom. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. had more housekeeping than we anticipated. And just a bit more housekeeping. We are aiming to have less housekeeping going forward. That's right. Fewer housekeeping? Fewer housekeeping. Guys, by the way, it's actually houses keeping? Like attorneys general or ASAP's Rocky. Just so you know. And now, let's get to the point. Quick reminder, if you like Get to the Point as well as other great podcast today segments, like, Check this out, Is this real life? It's only Tuesday and that just happened. Rate and review us. Rate and review us on Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Breaker, Pod Squad, Hewlett Packer Pods, CompuServecast, and Earthlink.weigh.w.s.

to website, backslash, reviews, backslash, and just to clarify, because there's been some confusion, that's the backslash symbol followed by the word backslash. If you end that URL with two backslash symbols, it sends you really help us out. They boost our rankings which allow us to be discovered by more people and they also can serve as powerful character statements for us during court proceedings can't they? By the way, shout out to listener David the Dave Man 18. Your review saying we were quote awesome help me get that custody of my kids. Can I go now or do you guys want me to weigh in on something? No, we're ready for you. Yeah, sure are. Our guest today is Jabuki Young White.

Jabuki, how are you doing? Oh, you know, I'm pretty good. I'm doing pretty good. And I just wanted to throw in there. My appearance today is brought to you by just the packaging. Do you love coming home the money to buy lots of shit? Well, just packaging will ship you a big box of tissue paper, bubble wrap, and all that other stuff that's so fun to open. And that's it. No meals to cook, no clothes to try on and send back.

It's just the packaging. Thanks. Before we move on, we've got some sad personnel news. We do? We do? This is Michael Costa's final episode of podcast today. Wait, was I fired? We are super excited about our permanent new host, Jabuki Young White. What's up? I'm super excited to break down all the issues of the day with y'all. Costa, can you please get your shit out of your office?

Now you can still listen to Michael Kostan on our brand new international sister pod Podcast Today Kosovo up to the date news and commentary live from the Balkans. Kosovo? Kosovo like the country? Just read the paper. Hello podcast today. Kosovo fans tickets are now on sale for our live live the the the the the to the to to to the to to the to the to the to the to the to to the to to their to their to to their to to to too. too. too. too. too. tov. their too. too. too. toe. toe. too. Michael. Michael. Michael. Michael. to me. Michael. Michael. to me. Michael. toe. toe. Michael. to Michael. toe. to m. to m. Michael. toe. to m. toe. toe. the the their. their. their. their. their. their. the their. the toe. the the the the the toe. C. I. I. the. the. t. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. the toe. Michael the the toeay Kosovo fans. Tickets are now on sale for our live shows in Sarajevo, Dubrovnik, Chernobyl, Bucharest, and northern Chechnya. Use Code Hollow, Kosovo for 20 Zlatels off. And so I don't even have a passport.

By the way, a bit of housekeeping, there is now an emergency bonus pod for our titanium tier supporters on Patreon. That's right. Head tier supporters on Patreon. That's right. Head to our fan page right now to hear an exclusive five alarm bonus pod that features our extended interview with podcast today Kosovo host Michael Costa who will have secretly infiltrated a Chechen terrorist group. People, point of order, please. Has the new Aladdin even been released in Kosovo? Podcast today is produced by Tom Baylor and Sheila Mansfield and recorded at Daily Show Studios

in the heart of Manhattan's little Belgrade. Trevor Noah's is our managing editor. Our research is provided by Miroslav Bercovic and Bogdanovich. Our audio engineer is Petra Mastorovich. Legal services provided by the law firm of F. Feeh-Bhi and Amelosovich. A man known only as the Scorpion is our lookout, an unsuspecting Uber driver named Cynthia is our wheelman,

and laundry and pet sitting is handled by Zivko Vuyadinovich. Our fabulous interns are Greg Rasputin, Lizzie Borden the third and Lyle Menendez. Costa want to leave us with any parting words? Yeah, actually, I just Google then Aladdin is not in Kosovo right now. There's no, it doesn't seem to be any showtimes or movie theaters. This is kind of what keeps me grounded. Oh, you have nothing to say now, both of you.

I guess you could wait for it to show up on prime. And now you're the fucking host all of a sudden. I mean, you didn't even know, you didn't even know that you were going to be the host. But I- Just wait, dude. Just give it 10 years of hard work, and then you see what to have they try. Well, you know, I stepped up to the plate, which. It's good. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.