The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The Daily Showography of Chris Cuomo

Episode Date: August 30, 2021

The Daily Show traces Chris Cuomo's career as a chest-thumping news bro and highlights the aftermath of his bout with COVID-19 and his ethically dubious advisory role to his brother Andrew. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts.

What makes a great journalist? Curiosity, Persistance? Ignoring your parents when they tell you not to major in communications? Or is the greatest journalist one who simply knows that he's the greatest, and is willing to throw down with anyone who disagrees? You're not better than me. You think you're better than me? That's a mistake. This is the daily showography of Chris Cuomo.

Epic News Bro. Christopher Charles Cuomo was epic newsbro. Christopher Charles Cuomo was born in Queens, New York to an immigrant family with a boundless appetite for pasta and politics. That's my pop, Mario Cuomo, former governor of New York. He spoke for years about his Italian heritage and the struggle to make it here that led to not one but two men, holding the highest seat in the struggle to make it here that led to not one but two men, holding the highest seat in the greatest state. The Cuomo's left their tiny villages up in the hills and came down to the Tyranian Sea.

But when they looked out, they didn't just see open water, they saw their future. America. Ooh, someone's been doing their duolingo. Chris was a child of the city. He graduated from the School of Hard Knox and got a law degree on the mean streets of Manhattan. Chris could have used his family name to go into politics, but that wasn't his style. Instead, he used his family name to go into TV news. His old man was heartbroken when he went into journalism. Well, sucks for you,

Dad, because little Chris was going to journalism harder than any journalist had ever journalisted before. I am here at the one and only the Grand Canyon. This is the largest protective marine area in the world. You can see these flames. They're up to a thousand degrees coming at us now. It looks cooler than I do right now. Nobody. Epic, bro, did Woodward and Bernstein ever bungee jump off a skyscraper? I don't think so.

But Cuomo dreamed of being more than just the evil, can evil can evil of Al Rokers. He wanted to do something important. So in 2013 he wiped down his equipment at Good Morning America and moved to CNN where he was soon given his own prime time show, a prize he earned through talent and hard work, the same way any other member of a powerful political family would have. And it was there that he perfected the greatest skill a newsbroke can have, bullying people like a coach on the biggest loser. I want to read your words.

Byron, I know, you don't get to cut me off, it's my show. You'll never drown me out, brother. It's my show and I'm loud as hell especially when I'm righteous. You tell me how a president has got time. Are you telling me that I'm a the the the the the the the the the the thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You're to thi. I'm a thi. I'm a to to thi. I'm a to thi. I'm tel. I'm to thi. I'm to to thi. I'm to thi. I'm to to to to to to to to to cut to cut thi. I to cut thi. I to cut to to to to to thi. I to to to to to to to to to thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I want thin. I'm thin. I want thin. I want thin. I want thin. I want thin. I want the. I want thin. I want the. I want thin. I want the. I want thin. I want to happened to me? I'm a sellout. You are a sellout. You are telling me that I'm a sell out. I'm talking about the president. The one who called you a liar.

The one who said your wife was ugly. I mean, honestly, you sound like an idiot, so there's not much to say. But Tony, good luck with it. to you. keto diet. Chris had reached the mountaintop, but he was still missing one thing every serious journalist needs. A catchphrase. Edward R. Murrow had good night and good luck. Walter Cronkite had, and that's the way it is.

Matt Lauer had, don't try to leave. I'm the only one who can unlock the door. And pretty soon, Chris Cuomo had his. Welcome to Primetime. We we we we we we we we to to to to to to we we we need we need we need we need we need we need we need we need we need we need we need we need we need we need we need we need we need to to omo had his. Welcome to Primetime. We need to be real about where things stand. So let's get after it. Let's get after it. Let's get after it. Let's get after it. Let's get after it.

You and me, together as ever as one. What do you say? Let's get after it. Let's get after it. Despite being a cable news host, Cuomo had a catchphrase that sounds like something Rambo would say before chopping someone's head off. Let's get after it. And it wasn't only news he was getting after.

It was life. The bad boy of CNN became best bros with his colleagues and spent his off hours just as epically, making fun and sometimes shirtless tick-tops with his kids, partying with the cream of the B-list, and never missing his highly Instagramable daily workout. The grind is the only glory. That's what let's get after it is. And if getting after it met reportedly crashing his classic convertible while drag racing and then fleeing the scene, well, sometimes you just have to flex on the haters. But Cuomo couldn't deny his passion any more than he could deny the hot olive oil running

through his veins. It's his birthright, his heritage. Oh, has he mentioned that he's Italian? I'm Italian on both sides for as far back as I could trace. Saying Italian handsomen this is redundant is redundant is redundant is redundant is redundant is redundant is redundant is redundant back as I could trace. Saying Italian handsom is redundant. By your good looks and your heritage, you're having Italian blood in you. I was doing what I do for my family, which is make my mother's sauce. She taught me how to make the sauce. It's a term of endearment in Italian circles to be the

meatball. It's a bitch. It's a achi de Tuti Bacci, the kiss of all kisses. Absolutely he is the boss, a capo the tuticapi. That's right. It's always good to have another Italian. Oh, I'm agreed. Now that's an awkward meatball. But as the saying goes, Italian pride goeth before the fall. Frado Gade, a video of Crido. their tho. gate a video of CNN, Chris Cuomo, losing his school after a heckler called him Frado, goes viral.

I thought that's what you were. No, punk-ass bitches from the right call me Frayto. My name is Chris Cuomo. I'm an anchor on CNN. Frito is from the Dodfather. It was that weak brother. Isn't that your brother? Isn't that an insult to your fucking people. It's like the N-word for us.

Is that a cool fucking thing? Then on what you said? Hey, then on what you said? Listen, I don't have a problem with you, man. You're gonna have a fucking problem. What? What? What? What do you do about it? I'll fucking threatening to throw a man down the stairs. And he let it be known.

You use a mafia movie cliche around him, you're gonna wind up with a horsehead and you're fucking bed. Maron. Things were going great for Chris Cuomo. But then, he met the one foe who could throw him down the stairs to his basement. COVID-19. We start tonight with an acknowledgment of who who who who who who who who who who who throw him down the stairs to his basement. COVID-19. We start tonight with an acknowledgment of who's not here at the top of this program. Most every night, it's Chris Cuomo.

He's now at home having contracted COVID-19, obviously, he joins us now. Chris, how you feeling? How are you doing, fellas? I'm doing better than I deserve. I know I'm gonna have a fever the fever, the fever, the fever, the fever, the fever, the fever, to, the to, to, the to, to, to, tha, tha, to, thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is is. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the the the the th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. to. too, too, too, too, too. too. too. too. too. too, too, toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thi. tonight. I know the beast comes at night. I know the night's gonna suck. I know I'm not gonna sleep through the night. And that's how it is, man. And then tomorrow, you know, you get after it again. And that's the way you gotta be.

Yes, this sick bro, this sick bro, thi th people are trying to peddle as cures, fake pills, fake tonics. Vitamin C, vitamin D are great supplements to have, but 10,000, 20,000 units they want you to take to this. There's no proof in any of them, and I think we have to be very careful about people praying thraying on people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people to to to their to to to to their to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to be to be, to be, to be thi, to be, to be toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, to to to to to to to to to be to be to, them. And I think we have to be very careful about people preying on desperation. You tell him. Nobody's going to hawk unproven new HBS while Chris Cuomo is on the job. My wife is a wellness person, you know, she runs this business where she's learning about homeopathic and all these different things. So she's giving a ton of stuff.

I don't even ask what it is. Chris Cuomo's wife Christina, who, along, tholome-19, says she's been taking bleach baths. So our whole effort was to build back his immune system. Most importantly, it was the good foods and and the herbs, the oxygenated herbs, and the homeopathy, and obviously the vitamins were really critical for this. Obviously, I mean this wasn't just homeopathic medicine. It was quomeopathic medicine. Chomeopathic medicine, also not based at all in science. Chris proved how tough he is by surviving COVID

and his wife's attempts to murder him. And as COVID continued to ravage the state of New York, Chris pulled the ultimate bro bro and called in support from his actual bro. New York Governor and mannequin assembled out of cold cuts, Andrew Cuomo. Andrew Cuomo, of course, my brother. Thank you for coming back to the show. Mom told me I had to.

Yeah, I called Mom. She said I was her favorite. This is the normal swab I'm holding up here now and for everybody at home. Is it true that this was this swab that the nurse was actually using on you? I've tried to be like you my whole life. Look where it got me. Governor Andrew Cuomo, thank you very much for doing the job. With all of this adulation that you're getting for doing your job,

are you thinking about running for president? It's true that despite tensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensensens that despite that despite that despite that despite the that despite the the that despite the the the thue that despite tens of thousands of deaths on his watch and a cover-up of the numbers, some credulous people were giving Andrew Cuomo a lot of adulation. But should the governor's own brother have been using his position on CNN to contribute to his idolization? Of course he should have. For one thing, Andrew reportedly had been secretly helping Chris get special treatment. And it would have just been rude not to return the favor. But even more important is a little thing called the Bro code.

Chris would never turn on his big brother, which became very clear when something happened that caused literally everyone else in the country to turn on Chris's big brother. New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has given up his fight to hold on to office. Facing serious allegations of sexual misconduct and harassment in the workplace, Cuomo announced today that he will be resigning from office. New York's attorney general uncovered new evidence of Chris Cuomo's involvement in helping his older brother. In February, the CNN host emailed a draft statement of denial to a top aid to his brother with such lines as, I never intended to offended to to to to offend to offend to offend to offend to offend to offend to offend to offend to offend to to to offend to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the........... the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theyxe. their. their. their. they host emailed a draft statement of denial to a top aide to his brother with such lines as, I never intended to offend anyone, and my interactions may have been

insensitive or too personal, which is precisely what the governor's statement said. The AG also confirmed that Chris Cuomo joined strategy calls with his brother and top officials. CNN called those efforts inappropriate but took no action. Like you, I bet. My family means everything to me. And I am fiercely loyal to them. I am family first, job, second. I can be objective about just about any topic, but not about my family.

It's just like that old saying, Bros Before Ethics. It took real strength of character for Chris to admit he couldn't be objective about stuff he had been covering. It's just like that old saying, Bros. Before Ethics. It took real strength of character for Chris to admit he couldn't be objective about stuff he had been covering the entire year, but what choice did he have? His brother was in trouble. Big trouble. The kind of trouble were you asked Chris Quomo for advice. Chris urged his brother to tough it out.

But in the end, Andrew folded like a slice of New York pizza. There were calls for Chris to resign too, but that's just not who he is. Chris Cuomo gets after it, whether it is ratings or fame or abs or avoiding accountability. Going rude. No matter what happens, you can't stop this beast because he is Chris Mother Freidto Cuomo. Epic Newsbrough. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah Ears Edition. Subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like, none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60

Minutes a Second Look on Apple Podcasts starting September 17. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.