The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The Daily Showography of Mitch McConnell

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

In this June 2021 segment, The Daily Show examines Sen. Mitch McConnell, chronicling his days as a political moderate and his metamorphosis into a power-obsessed archconservative. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17. He's one of the most influential figures of his generation. A political strategist with the cunning of a fox and the charisma of a salted slug. But what does he really have to grin about? This is the daily showography of Mitch McConnell. No lips, no soul, no problem.

Mitch McConnell was born in small town Alabama as Addison Mitchell McConnell, a teenage Tick-Tock ass name if I've ever heard one. His family owned a funeral home where he learned to smile from the clients. And at age two, Mitch faced his first and only personal challenge, which he would later recall in a campaign ad. When I was a child and my dad was in World War II, I got polio. I recovered, but my family almost went broke.

That's why I've introduced a bill to make sure health care is available to all Kentucky families. McConnell recovered completely from both the polio and the desire to give people health care. But tragedy soon struck again when he was infected with something even worse. Early onset politician. But young Mitch was not the arch-conservative of today. He was pro-union, pro-choice, and he attended Martin Luther King's march on Washington. Weird, right? Maybe he just went to file a noise complaint. By the 1970s, Mitch McConnell had begun his slow but steady rise through

the ranks of the Republican establishment. And in 1984, he made a long-shot bid for the United States Senate. Off to a shaky start, McConnell turned for help to Roger Ailes, former Nixon aide, future Fox News CEO, and first ballot Hall of Fame sexual predator. Without even demanding that Mitch give him a little twirl, Ailes produced a series of ads for McConnell, including the classic Bloodhounds ad. A smash success that appealed to voters' love of dogs while subliminally reminding them of the candidate. Switch to Mitch for Senator. McConnell won his race by just 5,000 votes, a margin almost as thin as his creepy lips, and he would never forget the like-minded constituents who saved him from being a lost cause.

From this start, Senator McConnell was a reformer. He saw the disturbing surge of corporate money and politics and realized something had to be done. Allow more of it. So where did this notion get going that we were spending too much in campaigns? We spent on political campaigns in America, what Americans spent in one of those years on bubblegum, and about half what they spent on yogurt, about half what they spent on potato chips. Spent 20 million on kennel rations and kibbles and bits ads.

So when we talk about spending, we talk about compared to what? The message was clear. Americans needed to stop feeding their dogs to pay for more campaign ads. And thanks to McConnell's leadership, money in politics would now be like the skin under his neck, looser and more voluminous every year. You might be wondering, if Mitch McConnell loved money so much, why didn't he marry it? Well, he did. Wedding shipping Aris Elaine Chow in 1993, a genuine love match that would eventually make him one of the richest

people in the Senate. Get paid, get paid more money. With wealth, power, and the integrity of one-ply toilet paper, Mitch became his party's leader in the Senate, cementing a reputation as an ardent defender of whatever Republicans felt like believing in at the moment. And in 2008, there was one core principle that united the GOP. Fuck this guy. He made clear his intention to block the president's agenda in 2010.

When he told a reporter, the single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president. Like some beardless and lipless Gandolf, McConnell confronted every piece of Obama's agenda with a profound message. You shall not pass! McConnell's magic wizard staff was a Senate procedure called the filibuster. Before him, senators used the filibuster to target specific bills and hold super racist TED Talks. But McConnell started using it all the time

to grind the government to a four-year halt. And while this wasn't necessarily good for Americans or democracy, it was very good for Mitch McConnell. McConnell proved himself a master of the filibuster, and like the greatest masterbusters, he even masterbusted himself. McConnell asked for a vote on President's proposal to raise the death ceiling whenever necessary. McConnell was asking for that vote to show that Democrats would vote against what is now

the president's idea. Harry Reid shocked McConnell by agreeing to have a vote right away, whereupon Mitch McConnell changed his mind filibustering his own bill. It was a display of auto-erotic anti-legislation that many doubted was even possible. And then in 2016, his obstructionism achieved a climax. The most important decision I've made in my entire political career was not to fill the Supreme Court vacancy when Justice Scalia passed away. That's right, when President Obama nominated Merritt Garland to the Supreme Court,

he went out of his way to choose a moderate who had received bipartisan support. But that kind of trickery wasn't going to work on Mitch, who explained that no Obama appointees should get a vote in the Senate, regardless of who they were. We're in the middle of a presidential election year. No vacancy on the Supreme Court occurring in the middle of a presidential election year has been filled in 80 years. Does Barack Obama get to fill this seat,

tipping the court to the left left the the the to the the to the to the the to the the to the the the the the to the the the to the the the the to fill this seat, tipping the court to the left for the next generation. No, let the American people speak, let them decide who they want to make this appointment. With a mere 236 days until the election, McConnell insisted it would not be fair for Garland to get a hearing or vote. 236 days. That's barely four Toyota Thons. Or 16 Winter Olympics, or binge watching all of SVU 10 times. McConnell successfully blocked Merrick Garland, but would he stick to his hard and fast new rule when Donald Trump had only one year left in his term?

The Supreme Court Justice was denied next year. Oh, we'd fill it. Ha ha ha ha. What a hilarious quip. And like all the best jokes, it was funny because it was true. With the election day just 44 days away, President Trump racing the calendar, vowing to nominate a woman. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell made clear that nominee will receive a vote on the Senate floor.

This Republican Senate was elected for a term that ends in January of next year. The president was elected for a four-year term that ends January 20th of next year. There are no reduced constitutional prerogatives during either of our tenures. The American people, I think, really need an opportunity to get to meet and know, Judge Barrett. Yes, despite possessing the communication style of an amphibian that hasn't quite excreted all of the salt water from its throat pouch, Mitch made himself clear he would install Amy Coney Barrett even if it meant giving everyone in the White House COVID in the process. And it wasn't just the Supreme Court. From the first day Donald Trump took office, McConnell got to work, installing a record 234

young, right-wing, sometimes wildly unqualified judges throughout the federal courts, something he was able to do because he had blocked Barack Obama from appointing his judges. So I was shocked that former President Obama left so many vacancies and didn't try to fill those positions. I'll tell you why. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th you th you th you th you th you th th th th th th th th th th th the you the you to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to work, to work, to work, to work, to work, to work to work to work told told told told told told the their their their their their their their their their their their tho, their their tho, their tho, the, the. the. the. the. the. thean, thean, thean, tolde. tolde. tolde, tolde, tolde, tolde, so many vacancies and didn't try to fill those positions. I'll tell you why, I was in charge of the, of what we did, the last two years of the Obama administration. I give, and I will give you, and I will give you, I will give you, I will give you, and I will give you folk and I will give you, and I will give you, and I will give th and I, I, I, I, I, and I, I, I, and I, and I, and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I will the the to, I will give, I will give, I will give, I will give, I will give, I will give, I will give, I will give, I will give, I will give, I will give, I will the to, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will to, I will to, I will to, I will to, I was to, I was to, I was to, I was to, I was to, I was to, I was to, I was to, I was to, I was to, I was to, I was the to, I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tell, I was I was I'll tell, I'll tell tell you I'll tell you I'll, I'll tell you I'll tell you I'll, I'll tell you I'll to to to to the the to stopped the progress of a black man since all of

American history. Nothing could stop Mitch, not Democrats or basic decency or consistently being named the most unpopular senator in the country. Not even a conspiracy-minded ex-felon who ran for Senate in 2018 and hit McConnell with one of the greatest nicknames in political history. One of my goals as US Senator will be to ditch cocaine Mitch. And no, there was nothing to the suggestion that McConnell was involved in smuggling cocaine, but he is very white and rich douchbags can't get enough of him. So the nickname does kind of fit. But that success came with a price.

McConnell's relationship with the president was sagging faster than his jowls. While Mitch praised Trump in public, he spent most of the administration privately mad over things like being cool with Nazis. And the president was privately mad right back at him in public. Guys like Mitch McConnell, they don't fight. I think we need better leadership than Mitch McConnell and stronger leadership.

Indeed, there were very complicated feelings on both sides. And so it was that after the January 6th insurrection, Mitch McConnell heard a tiny voice in the back of his head. The voice of that teenager, who was so inspired by Martin Luther King Jr., urging him to speak the truth and create a more just America. The mob was fed lies. They were provoked by the president and other powerful people. And then he heard a louder voice in the front of his head, telling that time your voice to shut the fuck up.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. He voted to acquit former President Trump. If the president was the party's nominee, would you support him? Uh, the nominee of the party? Absolutely. Glorious. And so, as Mitch McConnell enters his 36th year in the Senate, the public can rest easy, knowing that the last thing American democracy sees as it dies will be his smile, or whatever this is he's doing with this face. Watch the Daily Show, weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.