The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The Daily Social Distancing Show - Trump Makes S**t Up, Governors Take Action & Partyers Gonna Party

Episode Date: March 20, 2020

America's governors take matters into their own hands amid President Trump's misinformation, spring breakers insist on partying, and Jaboukie Young-White checks in on Trevor. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. reading about art and the history of history. Hey, Trevor Noah here, at home,

which is where you should all be as well. Well, not in my home. I don't have enough snacks for everyone. I mean in your homes, social distancing, hashtag, but at the beginning of the word. So what's the latest on coronavirus? Well, President Trump says they found a treatment. Governors are taking action, and spring break is getting canceled.

Ah, dry t-t-shirt contest. So let's get into it with another episode of the Daily Social Distancing Show. From Trevor's couch in New York City to your couch somewhere in the world. This is the daily social distancing show with Trevor Noe, ears addition. So people around the world have been social distancing for a few days now. And every day we're learning something new. One, coronavirus is a serious disease. Two, it's not just dangerous for old people.

And three, your relationship was not as secure as you thought. Yeah, it's amazing how much you discover about each other when neither of you can ever leave. Anyway, today was another tremendous day for the most powerful man in the world, Donald Jehosa Fatt Trump. He's the one man we're all forced to listen to during this crisis, and every day he reminds us why hiring him was America's biggest mistake. It's very unchartered territory.

Could have been stopped, could have been stopped pretty easily if we had known, if everybody had known about it a number of months before people started reading about it. Nobody knew there'd be a pandemic or an epidemic of this proportion. Nobody's ever seen anything like this before. Yes, everybody, including Trump, didn't know how big this thing was. Except for Trump, who knew how big this thing was, but didn't do anything because he didn't know how big this thing was. It makes perfect sense sense thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to toeeee. toeeea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toeea. thea. the anything because he didn't know how big this thing was.

It makes perfect sense. I still don't understand why Trump bothers stepping up to the microphone if he doesn't know anything. Like, President Trump, just let the doctors and the sciences talk. Right? Trump should just stand in the back like a hype man. Dr. Fauci should be up there tellain the toldo, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. too, too, too, too, th. th. too, thi. too, too, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi. too, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too, to to too, to too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too. too. too. too. too. too. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. th. th. th. telling us the number of infected people has now risen to and then Trump can just be in the back like, uh-huh. That's right. Yeah, uh-huh. Corona baby. He can be the ditty of the shit. Oh, the brother love. I don't know which one it is right now. Just in the back, just doing the thing. That's all true to do. Just be a hype man. Crona virus hype man. That's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. That's. That's that's. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all that's all that's all that's all. That's all that's all that's all that's all that's all. That's all that's all. That's all that's all that's all. That's all that's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. that's all. that's all. that's all. that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the th. the the the the th. the the the th. th. the th. the. the. the. the. the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, people infected. You got it. Where's sad, baby?

That's all you need to do. And I'm not just saying this to hate on Trump. Because here's what Trump said today, today, about a treatment for coronavirus. A drug called chloroquin. It is known as a malaria drug and it's been around for a long time. We're going to be able to make that drug available almost immediately. And that's where the FDA has been so great. They've gone through the approval process. It's been approved. What? We got the treatment.

We're gonna cure it. We're gonna... What? He was just making that shit up? What the president said was either confusing or just plain wrong. That's a drug that the president has directed us to take a closer look at to actually see if that benefits patients. And again, we want to do that in the setting of a clinical trial, a large, pragmatic clinical trial, to actually gather that information and answer the question that needs to be answered and asked and answered.

If I could cover my face with my hands, I would because this is the most embarrassing thing ever. The FDA commissioner openly called the president out for making this shit up. That's so embarrassing. He said it, then the guy's like, no, that's not the truth. This would be like your mother commenting under your Facebook post. Like, just to be clear, Jeremy is not drowning in pussy. He's currently in the basement playing fortnight. Mom! Now, thankfully, Trump isn't the only person who can do something during this crisis. While America is dealing with its incompetent in chief, many of America's governors have

started to take masses into their own hands. For instance, just today, and this was amazing. In New York, Governor Andrew Cuomo suspended all mortgage payments for people in financial hardship, and all credit card fees and ATM overdraft fees are also suspended, which is amazing. It's amazing for people who are struggling financially. We have to remember that that's going to happen if we expect people to stay home and not work. And by the way, that's also a rule that we should keep long after coronavirus is gone. Overdraft fees is a scam that should have never existed in the first place. How's the bank going to charge that that that that that to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to charge to to to to to to to to to to to to thi tho tho tho tho tho. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that should have never existed in the first place.

How's the bank going to charge me for giving me too much money? If I have $20 in my account, but you let me take out $100, that sounds like a bank's problem to me, not a me problem. I should charge you overdraft for making me ball out of control with money. I didn't have bottle money. That's overdraft. Going to tell me I owe you money, owe me money. Anyway, Cuomo isn't the only governor taking action. Today, the governor of Florida

had to close all the beaches, because it turns out young people on spring break were acting like the coronavirus ain't shit. Yeah, while the rest of us us us the the the the the the the the the the the the the's the's the's the's the's the's the's the's the's the' the' the' the' the' the' thiole' the' tho tho tho tho thoom-I I's thoom-I I's thoome, I I's thoing, I's thoing thoing thoing thoing th. th. th. th. th. the, I I I I I's the, I's the, I's the, I's the, I's thi thi, I's thin' thin' the, I's the the the theanananneneed. theananneed. theananneed. toean. thean. toean. toeananan't theann't thean't thean't thean't shit. Yeah, while the rest of us are social distancing, these kids are running out and about saying things like this. Like it's really messing up with my spring break. I just turned 21 this year, so I'm here to party and trying to get drunk before everything closes. We still want to come here and have fun.

We're not real worried about it, because we're on the sand and it's an open area. There's not a lot of doorknobs and not a lot of things you can toug. If I get Corona, I get Corona. At the end of the day, I'm not gonna let it stop me from party. But I'm sorry, what? I'm sorry, what? You're not gonna let coronavirus stop you from? You're not gonna let coronavirus is the Harvey Weinstein of diseases. It does not th. It is not th. It is not th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to stop. I to stop. I to stop. I to stop. I to stop. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to to to to to to the the the the the the the the th. the to the th th. the the the the to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to You don't need to let it, okay? Corona virus is the Harvey Weinstein of diseases. It does not ask for consent, my friend. Kids making it sound like coronavirus is going to ask for permission

before jumping into your body. Excuse me, sir, my name is Corona. Would you mind if I compromised your immune system? Here's the thing young people to understand. Yes, coronavirus is most dangerous for old people, but that doesn't mean it's not dangerous for young people too. Okay? It can still get our ass into intensive care. Right? It's just more dangerous for old people. But it's still dangerous. Think of it this way. I always make jokes about the New York Knicks being a bad NBA basketball team, right?

But they're bad relative to other NBA teams. But if you and your amateur ass office team played against them, you'd be walking off the court like, I'm sorry, Mr. Nix, I won't make fun of you again. So get your shit together, young people. Corona virus ain't no joke. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives.

But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17. Oh, speaking of young people, Djibouki and White's calling. Hold on, hold on. Let me see if I can record this.

I love Djibouki. Yo, Djibuki. What's up? What's up? What's up? How's it going? How's it going? You holding that? Man.

I've missed your face, dude. This is crazy. Over this beautiful skyd quality. Yeah. I'm loving this man. I was chatting to Roy yesterday, his kid is running around the house, it's wild. I feel like everyone is trying to just stay sane right now, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's me and my plants.

We're going to that. Is that a real plant? That's a real, that's a real plan. It's my best friend now. thi. His name is Wilson. Wilson? Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. Like, most of the time I'm fine, but then there's moments where like I'm going crazy. Like, like not being at work, there's moments where I'm just like,

what do you do with, like, what are you doing? Oh, I'm just like obsessively on Twitter, on Twitter, on Twitter, on Instagram, just going back and forth between those two pretty much. Yeah, but that's what you normally do. All right. But the Wi-Fi at work is like so much faster, so. Oh, oh, so this is more stressful, I guess. It's actually been pretty hard on me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My, my retweet to like ratio is done by half.

Yeah, that's, I guess, yeah, everyone's got a different Corona struggle. I've been thinking, like, there's so many possibilities online. Like, I might get ordained as a minister. I might adopt a child online. Um, there's really a lot that I could do. You might adopt a child online. There's really a lot that I could do. You can adopt a child online? Yeah. Wow, there's so many things about the internet. I feel like you could teach me. Anyway, all right. I'm tick-to-talk. Yeah. We should do a tick-talk together. That'll be fun. Yeah. That's how I learn. I see like everyone's doing the thing. That'll be. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. thi. the. th. th. th. th like everyone's doing the thing. That's that'll be that'll be cool. Anyway dude, thanks for calling in man. I was even surprised that you call. That was dope. Yeah, I just I really think it's important that we check on older people during this time.

So if you need any groceries, uh, you prune juice, metamusol, suppository, what was your... I think when they say that they're talking about like actual old people, I'm not old. Like I'm basically like the same age as you. Like I'm not, like when they say old, they mean like old, old, I'm not old. Yeah. I always tell you this. Well, that's awesome. Okay, bye. take your medicine. I'm not old.

I'm a millennial. All right, before we go, I just once again wanted to ask everybody who can donate. Please donate to kids who no longer get school lunches because their schools are shut down. If you can't help, please go to no kid-hungry.org and help kids to get a good meal while their schools are shut down. And if you want to help feed kids in New York City specifically, please go to City Harvest.org and donate whatever you're able to do. All right? There are people out there who've already done it. I think yesterday

alone we managed to help raise $40,000, which is a lot of money and gets a lot of kids food, but there are still kids out there who need your help. So if you can still help, please do help. Stay safe out there. Thank you so much for tuning in to this madness. I thness. I th Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11th, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change.

Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible.

I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.