The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The Daily Social Distancing Show - Trump's Presser Tantrum & Major Mask Shortages

Episode Date: March 21, 2020

Trevor covers coronavirus news from around the world, President Trump lashes out over a softball question, and Roy Wood Jr. talks to a primary physician about mask shortages. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey everybody, Trevor Noah here. It's now day eight of being locked in the house, aka social distancing. Oh, and here's a fun tip I learned today. Your phone doesn't just do Instagram. It can also make phone calls. Pretty neat. HASHTAG LifeHack. Anyway on today's episode we're going to catch up on the latest news like how China is getting the coronavirus under control. U.S. politicians are making money off of the crisis and New York York and California are shutting it all down. So, let's get into another episode of the Daily Social Distancing Show.

From Trevor's couch in New York City to your couch somewhere in the world. This is the Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor No. Ears edition. All right, let's kick it off with the good news first. China has reported its second day of no new coronavirus infections. All of this, thanks to extreme social distancing. Yeah, they've also reported that they now have zero cases of having to make small talk with annoying people. So, two reasons to keep social distancing alive. And for those people who are complaining that social distancing is so boring, here's a tip, here's a tip guys. This is a great time to grab that book you've been meaning to read for two

years and then use it as a pillow to nap. Yeah, naps kill time. You won't notice it. In other good news, researchers in France say that a combination of anti-malarial drugs and antibiotics could tics. tics. tics tics tics tics tics tiiiii-ti-ti- ti- ti- ti- ti- ti- ti- tip- tipe, here tipe, here's tipe, here's tip- tip- tip. Here. Here, here's tip. Here's tip. Here's tip, here's a tip. Here's a tip. Here's a tip. Here's a tip. Here's tip. Here's tip. Here's tip. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here tip. Here tip. Here tip. Here tip. Here tip. Here tipe, tipe, tipe, tipe, here is tipe, tipe, tipe, tipe, tipe, tipe, here's a tipe, here's a tip, here's a tip, tip, here's a tip, tip, tip. t good news, researchers in France say that a combination of anti-malarial drugs and antibiotics could prove effective in treating the virus. And they're not the only ones experimenting with combinations. In fact, parents stuck at home with their kids have found that a combination of pepper pig and red wine gives them 20 minutes of happy time, whereas black grandmothers have stuck with their tried and tested combination of Vicks Vaporab and Jesus. Just pray, Trevor, just pray. He will heal you. And if that fails, go to the hospital. So that's some good news for the day. Unfortunately on the

shitty side, Italy is reporting that their coronavirus numbers have now officially surpassed China's. And yesterday, they saw their highest death toll so far with over 400 deaths in one day. And repeatedly Italians have urged all other countries around the world to use their crisis as a cautionary tale. Italians are warning the world if you don't take coronavirus seriously, it sneaks up when you and it explodes out of nowhere. Kind of like the same way Adam Driver snuck up on all of us. Like for a while he was just that weird boyfriend on girls and suddenly, bam! He's Star Wars'

marriage story and the Black Klazman. We never saw it coming. So every country needs to heed Italy's warning. And if there's one country that has a horrible track record of heating warnings, it's the United States. Because it just came out that America hasn't even been heeding its own warnings. Yeah, leaked documents show that the Department of Health and Human Services ran a simulation of this exact type of crisis just last year, showing that a respiratory virus starting in China could easily jump and spread into the United States. So the federal government had a model that showed this exact scenario

how it would almost exactly happen, but it got almost no attention from Trump's White House. And that's probably the first time Trump has ever ignored a model in his life. In fact, normally it's a model who's ignoring him. And the White House, ignoring these warnings, isn't the only reason to be pissed off at politicians today. Because last night, and this is one of the craziest stories, last night we learned that at least four senators may have gotten advanced information about the coronavirus, and then sold their stocks before the market crashed. Yeah. Now these senators say that they're making

money off of this coronavirus information is all a coincidence but come on people really. Yeah you got top-secret corona information and then you just happen to dump your stocks that get affected by coronavirus. Get the fuck out of here, man. This would be like if the captain of the Titanic was just walking around in a life vest before hitting the iceberg, like, don't worry, everyone. I'm just wearing this as a fashion accessory. Now please enjoy the buffet.

Everything is normal. And that's another reason we should all be pissed off right now. Politicians knew months ago how bad this thing would be, but in public they were acting like everything was cool. Like I don't like that they made some money on the stock market, but I hate that they were telling us it was okay to lick doorknobs until like yesterday. And those aren't the only politicians pissing people off right now? Because yesterday, the White House and Mitch McConnell proposed a stimulus package

that would give direct financial assistance to the middle class. $1,200 per person, which sounds great, right? But the catch is that for those people who are really poor, they only get $600, which is insane. The people who need help the most are going to get less money? How does that make any sense? That would be like a firefighter driving past the burning house to first go blow out someone's birthday candles. I'll save your house later, but Claire is turning 25.

And the reason it's so important for the government to help people who earn the lowest incomes is because coronavirus is already starting to cost people their jobs. People who work in office jobs might be able to work from home, but many people who work hourly have already been laid off. In fact, Treasury Secretary Steve Manuchin estimated the unemployment rate could go all the way up to 20 percent. That's really scary when you think about it. Just imagine that many people not working. And not like Ivanka not working. I'm talking like real not working.

Now one good piece of policy news that came out today is that the IRS announced the annual tax filing deadline will be delayed for three months from April 15th to July 15th. So yes, that's really big news. The IRS actually pushed back tax day or as billionaires call it, the what day? To tech, tax, is that a word? I'm actually glad they're pushing back tax day and I think what they also need to do is move to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thea. th. th. thea. thea. thea. thea. the. the. the Is that a word? I'm actually glad they're pushing back tax day. And I think what they also need to do is move April Fool's Day. Because coronavirus is not going to be a great time to make pranks. Guess what, honey? They found a cure for coronavirus. You can go outside. Yeah! April Fools. We can never leave. All right, I'm going to go poop in the bathroom with the door open. I love you. Now with all the fear and uncertainty and chaos grouping America right now, the nation needs a leader more than ever to reassure people through these trying times. Unfortunately, the nation only has Donald Trump.

Nearly 200 dead, 14,000 you were sick. Millions, as you witness, who are scared right now. What do you say that you're are watching you right now who are scared? I say that you're a terrible reporter, that's what I say. Go ahead. I think it's a very nasty question, and I think it's a very bad signal that you're putting out to the American people. The American people are looking for answers and they're looking for hope. The American people are looking and the same with NBC and Concast.

I don't call it Comcast. I don't call it Comcast. Let me just that for whom you work. Let me just say something. That's really bad reporting. Okay. What the hell happened there? That was the easiest softball a president can ever get.

What can you say to comfort the nation? And Trump completely lost his shit. This would be like a priest asking you at your wedding, do you take this woman's hand in marriage and you're just like, God damn it, what's all the questions man? Why are you interrogating me? You're a horrible priest man? Who do you, dude, to death? Why are you interrogating me? You're a horrible priest, man. Who, who, who, do, till death? Why are you asking about death? I'm at my wedding, man. So yet again, Trump came out and turned the press conference into a cage match.

But luckily while Trump is throwing temper tantrums, states in America are doing their own thing. In New York, Governor Cuomo today ordered all non-essential workers across the state to stay home, and yesterday the governor of California issued a shelter-in-place order for his state. Now, people in California can still leave their house, but they can only leave to perform necessary activities or run essential businesses. And according to the official guidelines, essential businesses can include things like grocery stores, pharmacies, gas stations,

and this is a real one, marijuana dispensaries. Marijuana dispensaries can stay open. And I totally agree with that. Because if there was ever a time where people need access to marijuana, this is it. Like, forget about washing your hands for 20 seconds. If people are high, they'll wash their hands for 20 minutes. Just be like, dude, this is like bubble bath for my fingers, man.

And also, weed calms people down. And that's what we all need. Because right now, everyone's in the supermarket acting like they're Samuel Al Jackson. I'm a knee, the toilet paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the in the supermarket acting like they're Samuel Jaxson. I'm a knee the toilet paper, mother fuck. But with weed, we'd all be in the aisles walking around like Matthew McConaughey's like, all right, all right, all right. Why don't you take one and I'll take the other number. Oh, and another great reason to smoke the to-me-s th-we, I had some really strong weed that I smoked at 2 p.m. on a Monday, and then it was October.

When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News.

Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17, wherever you get your podcasts. Now please remember guys, while some of us are stressing at home about what show to binge next on Netflix, hospitals have a real issue on their hands. They're running out of supplies. Face masks, gowns, ventilators, all the equipment they need to protect themselves while they're treating us. So, Roywood Jr. reached out to Dr.themselves while they're treating us. So Roywood Jr. reached out to Dr. Alcarez, a primary care physician here in New York City, to find out more. I had a video conference with Dr. Catherine Alcarez here in New York City for a non-COVID situation, also not an STD.

And she had some bad news for me about what this epidemic means for health care workers. I have doctors in California and in Oregon that are telling me they are seeing patients without masks. There's a shortage of many essential supplies. Some health care workers have already been infected, including at least two doctors who are now in critical condition. And if that's not bad enough, people are hoarding and stoppiling these N95 masks.

Whatever happened to the good old days of toilet paper? Mask? Got some people hoarding. Yes, definitely hoarding them. We're in a crisis situation. We're in a pandemic. There are doctors and nurses that are on the field risking their lives and their family's lives, then they need those masks. But Dr. Alcarez has a solution for these mask quarters. If they are a mask in the country just sitting there, waiting for somebody to profit, I think as a punishment, their stock should be donated to the people that need them the most. So we should trick them into thinking we're gonna pay $100 for a mass,

and then they show up to sell us the mask, we whack them over the head with a baseball bat, and then we take them. No, no, no, no. I do not think we should go and commit crimes. Look, do you need masks or not? that has a stockpile, you know, if they are kind enough to see the fact that our doctors are without and putting themselves at risk, would you mind donating them? Just persuade them, hmm? Without committing a crime? No, no crimes. No crimes. No crimes.

Look, if you do know of anyone with the stock of N95 Mass, please politely suggest that they donate them to our health care workers risking their lives on the front lines. Do not hoard them, because if you do, I'm coming for your ass. Thanks, Roy. But please, don't get in trouble with the law. And if you do, don't mention my name. All right, that's it for today's episode of the Daily Social Distancing Show.

Thank you so much for tuning in. I know you are at home stuck, but I still appreciate the fact that you're stuck with me. And before we go, if you want to help out during this time, don't forget you can help others who are out there. Once again, we're going to ask you to donate to no kid-hungry.org and help kids get a good meal while their schools are shut down. And if you want to help feed kids in New York City specifically, then please go to City Harvest. And donate whatever you are able to donate. Stay safe out there. I'll see you guys again soon. The Daily Show with Covernoa, Ears Edition.

Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. When 60 Minutes Premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives.

But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17th. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.