The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The Fantastic, Absolutely Tremendous Road to Impeachment | Nick Cannon

Episode Date: September 26, 2019

President Trump responds to his impeachment probe by releasing a summary of his call with Ukraine's president, and Nick Cannon discusses his personal and professional journey.  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday?

Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. September 25, 2019. From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York. This is the Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Welcome to the Daily Show, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you for coming out. Thank you all for coming out. I'm Trevor Noah. Our guest tonight is the host of the Mosque singer,

just one of the many jobs he has. Nick Cannon is joining us everybody. Also, on tonight's show, robots are taking over. Your shampoo can blow up your car, and Donald Trump is getting impeached. I know, I know, a very tragic time for the country. So let's catch up on today's headlines. Let's kick it off with Boris Johnson. British Prime Minister and Ghosts who's just seen a ghost. He took time from the chaos of Brexit

to come and warn the United Nations of an even bigger threat that will affect the entire world. The robot apocalypse. You may keep your secrets from your friends, from your parents, your children, your doctor, even your personal trainer. But it takes real effort to conceal your thoughts from Google. Your mattress will monitor your nightmares, your fridge will beep for more cheese.

A future Alexa will pretend to take orders. But this Alexa will be watching you, clucking her tongue, or will it bring terrifying limbless chickens to our table. I think the Brexit pressure is getting to Boris. Because what was even talking about? Your wireless humidifier will know your blood type. Our room bars will make passionate love to our wives and robot barbers will give my everyone your hair cut. Like I'm not going to lie, this was a weird speech for Boris to give it the UN. Although he was right at home giving the same speech on the subway at 4 a.m.

He fit right in. Yeah, it was just like, the robots will steal our eyes. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm selling candy. Please know, it's not for my team, it's for Brexit. I'm trying to pay for Brexit. You know who I bet was loving Boris's speech where this was happening? Is all the countries that Britain has colonized in the past? Yeah, because this is the United Nations. So I bet half of African countries are sitting there like, oh, now you say it's bad if someone tell them more. Uh-huh.

It's also funny how humans always give speeches about robots destroying us, as if humans also already destroying us. Like, we're already doing everything that people say the robots are going to do, right? Think about it, we're burning forests, we're killing each other, we're poisoning our own air and water, but then we're like, but when the robots come, things are going to get bad. So anyway, Boris is paranoid. Robots aren't taking over. So let's move on. So this exciting new story from the world of technology.

Boston Dynamics just released its latest robot. That bad boy is doing gymnastics. It's named Atlas, showing up his gymnastic skills. It stands nearly five feet tall as a complete series of somersault, jumps, twist, and a handstand before sticking the landing. Oh, okay. Maybe Boris was right. Uh, that was interesting.

Agile robots will do front flips and steal our gold medals at the Olympics. Although it would be weird if they let robots into the Olympics, wouldn't it? Like, because what are you going to award them with? It can't be medals. You'll give them a bronze and they'll be like, this metal used to be my father. And like, and here's the thing. I know this video freaks some people out, right? Because they watch it and they're like, that's so scary, look at what robots can do now. But videos like this give me hope. Because we always assume that robots only have one purpose. To rule humans and to take over the planet. But maybe some robots just want to dance.

Yeah. Ruling might not be for every robot. Some are going to be like humans, prepare to get down. Ah. Look, I'm the human to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. thuing. thuiling thuiling thoing thoing. thuoes. thoom, thoom, thoosuoom, thoosuoomoom, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the thuoes. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomuuuuuuooes.. tooes. to get down. Ah, ah, ah, look, I'm doing the human. Ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah. All right, and finally, here's a health warning. If you use dry shampoo, be careful where you keep it, because it could turn out to blow up more than just your hair.

And a mother is sounding the alarm about dry shampoo, a Missouri woman sharing these really insane photos after she claims a can exploded in her daughter's car and blew off the cover of the center console. It also shattered the sunroof before landing nearly 50 feet away. Thankfully, no one was hurt. Wow.

Okay, the good news is that no one was hurt. The even better news is that now she's got a a the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, thi, thi, thi, the thi, the the the the thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th, thi, the, the good news is that no one was hurt. The even better news is that now she's got a convertible. Uh, but this is why I don't use dry shampoo. Like whenever I'm in my car, I use regular shampoo. It's much safer. I also guess the bad news is now everyone knows dry shampoo can explode, which means it's yet another thing the TSA is going to have to confiscate before a flight. Yeah, this is going to be pulling people out of line like, sir, we're going to have to take you in for extra screening. You'll be like, what?

Why? Because your hair is gorgeous. All right, that's it for the headlines. Let's move on our top story. Impeachment. It's the constitutional way to swipe left on a president. After a whistleblower accused President Trump of using his office to pressure the president of Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and woman who hasn't blinked since Y2K, responded yesterday by launching an official impeachment investigation. And as you can imagine, since then, things have only escalated. So let's catch up on all the latest developments in our ongoing segments, the fantastic, absolutely tremendous road to impeachment.

One of the president should ever have to go through. It's probably presidential harassment, and we know how to handle that. You can't impeach somebody that's doing a great job. That's the way I do. When we left off last night, the Democratic announcement of an impeachment inquiry had Trump up against the ropes. And so in response, Trump said that he would release a transcript of the phone call he had with Ukraine's president. And Trump claimed this transcript would prove that he is so innocent, the most innocent person.

But now, we've all seen the transcript, and I'm starting to wonder if Trump even read it. A just-release transcript of a phone call shows President Trump asking Ukrainian President Zelensky to investigate his political rival former vice president Joe Biden. And in this call, the president repeatedly stresses how much the US does for Ukraine and then he says quote, I would like you to do us a favor. On the call, the president said the other thing, there's a lot of talk about Biden's son, that Biden stopped the prosecution and, the other thing, there's a lot of talk about Biden's son, that Biden

stopped the prosecution and a lot of people want to find out about that. So whatever you can do with the attorney general would be great. He's using the Justice Department to forward his political aims. And you're right, Bill Barr is stuck in the middle of this. This is the, again, the definition if we look up in the dictionary of abuse of power, this is abuse of power. Yes, the transcript of the call is out and not only did Trump definitely ask the president of Ukraine to work with his personal lawyer slash vampire henchmen to investigate Joe Biden. He also tried to rope in the United States Attorney General. And if that happened, that's a big deal. Because a president can't go around using the Justice Department as his personal tusk rabbit.

That's not allowed, right? It's the same way an employee at Domino's would get into trouble for drying his laundry in the pizza oven, okay? You can do it, but don't be shocked when Domino's impeaches your ass. And you might be wondering, is this phone call it so damning, why did Trump that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. that that that that that that that that that that that that thi. thi. that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thiiii. that's thi. that's thi. that's the transcript? Only an idiot would do that. Exactly. And also, and also, this is what should have done. He does this all the time. Like, Trump is the only person who do something so bad right out in the open that it makes you question whether it's actually bad. It's just like a powerful thing that it's the same way that Kanye can't can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can't thi-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s, th., th......... th-s, th-s, thi-s, thi-s-s, thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s powerful thing that it's the same way that Kanye can walk around basically

in rags, but because he does it so confidently we're just like, I guess that's a style though? I wish I looked like I was attacked by hungry badgers? And if you're thinking, wait, how do we even know exactly what Trump said on that call to a foreign leader? Well apparently all calls in the White House are recorded for quality assurance purposes. Now, we should note that at the bottom of this log, there is a disclaimer, that this is not a, quote, verbatim transcript of a discussion. A senior White House official says that there is voice recognition software that puts the transcript out, what it calls a transcript, and then those who would listen to the phone call, look.......... And, to, to, the, to, the, to, the, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the phone call look over that to make sure that it is an accurate reading. Yes, the software that monitors the president's calls, writes it down and then someone checks it.

And can I just say, I feel so bad for whatever voice recognition software has to try and make sense of what Donald Trump is saying. Because you realize that computer's programmed to recognize normal human speech patterns, not the Donald. He's just out there like, and so I say, I say they were so big, not as big, electoral college. China, the wall, big time, bigly, and all. That's me. Yeah, honestly, the computer probably listens for 10 seconds to Trump, and then it just throws itself into a bathtub like, kill me. So look, the transcript is bad.

But as bad as this seems for Trump, this transcript has turned into a political Rorschach test. Democrats see a smoking gun that proves Donald Trump abuse his power and deserves to lose his job. Republicans see a man who's innocent and is just passionate about cracking down on corruption in Ukraine. And I see my dad forgetting my birthday even though we were born on the same day. So if you're on team Trump, this transcript wasn't a disaster, it was a total win. This call did not, this is my opinion, did not contain a smoking gun, did not contain anything that could be used to impeach the President of the United States. Now that we've seen the transcript, there is no there there.

From my point of view, to impeach any president over a phone call like this would be insane. The bottom line here is that in this the transcript there is no quid pro quo, there is no improper leverage, and the overall tone of this transcript is that it is mutually laudatory. You take a look at that call, it was perfect. I didn't do it. There was no quid pro quo. That's right, folks. There's speak Latin on my call. So in a nutshell, that was day two on the road to impeachment. The White House released the transcript.

Congress has officially received the full whistleblowers report, and we'll have to wait to find out what happens next. And it could be anything. We could find out that Mike Pence also pressured Ukraine on a call, or we could find out the secret identity of the whistleblower. Spoiler alert, I think it's Takashi 69. That's snitching on everybody. Until then, until then, we don't know anything. What we do know is that Trump's defenders have already decided on their big talking point,

and that is that this whole thing is a nothing burger, because there was no explicit the the the the explicit the explicit the explicit the the the the the th the the the the the the the the the the there was no thi thi thi thi thi thi there was no there was no thi thi there was no there was no there was no there there there there there was there there was thi there thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. thi th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi already decided on their big talking point, and that is that this whole thing is a nothing burger, because there was no explicit quid pro quo. In other words, President Trump may have asked the Ukrainian leader for a favor, but he didn't say do the favor or no military support. But let's be honest. You don't need to be explicit to set up a shady deal. I mean, if you've ever watched any mafia, any things, you'll know that explicit is the exact opposite of what they do.

I mean, it's just like the scene from the Sopranos. Listen, Danny, we just want you to know how glad we are a guy like he was on that jury. That mob thing, that junior soprano trial. I got that. Well, he can put it. Hey, what are you doing? It's a privilege. Not working guy. Wife and two kids.

Performing a civic duty we should all take pardon. We know you do the right thing. Now, this may shock you, but that man was not actually being friendly to that other man. But I guess it's too subtle for Trump and his defenders. I guess if they wrote for the Sopranos, that scene would have gone a lot more like this. Hey Danny, I need you to find my boss not guilty. Oh, will murder your family.

Oh, I see, like a quid pro quo. Exactly. This is a quid pro quo. You figure it out for yourself. We'll be right back. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast. The weekly, we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is an accomplished entertainer and entrepreneur who hosts the hit Fox Fox the the the the the thexx competition series, the the daily show. My guest tonight is an accomplished entertainer and entrepreneur who hosts the hit Fox

competition series, The Masked Singer. Please welcome Nick Cannon. Thank you. Thank you. Wow. Welcome back to the show. Thank you, man. Thanks for having me. I love your show. Yeah, man. Congratulations on season two of the Musk singer. I feel like you have hosted every major like show now in America.

Are you just like the guy that they call. Are you just the first name on the list? I'm the friendly black guy other than you. No, but I mean, like, you see that's the thing. You even joke about it, but like you are extremely successful, man. I mean, like, we having you on the show and today, I read the news about how you're gonna launch a syndicated talk show around the country, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a, that, th..... that, that, that, like, that, that, like, th... th. th. th. th. th. th. th.'s doing that. That's amazing. That's amazing. I mean, honestly, man, I've been inspired by people like yourself to Wendy Williams, to Ellen. And I felt like, you know, once I left America's got talent,

I was like, yo, I want to elevate in a way to where I can actually use my voice for good and kind of effect culture. So I started developing a late night show I was going to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to develop a to develop a to was going to be your competition. I didn't want that smoke. So I said, daytime, you know, I kind of filled in for Wendy a couple times. I was like, yo, I can see this work. Thank you, man. I appreciate that. So now, you're going to see me each and every day. You start with me and the end with Trevor. There's a tour. What I've loved about your journey is that you've doubled. What I the, what I, what've been successful. While and out has been going season after season after season. There's an arena tour. I'll be there if you'll have it. There's an arena tour that goes around the country. You know, you've got your music and then of course people know you now on Power 106 where

you're on the radio, right? So you're doing that every single day on the radio. But, but then at the same time as your hoodie tells us, I go to school. I'm in college. But this is real. Really? That's the real difference. What are you studying now? Since 2016, I've been getting my undergrad in criminology and I'll walk in May. I graduate and then, so, undergrad and criminology, working on my master's already in psychology, and then hopefully all the way to the doctor, I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I criminology, working on my masters already in psychology and then hopefully all the way to the doctor, to the PhD and all of that.

I mean, most people think of school as an avenue that gets you to the place where you can make money. The can's already making money, why go to school? Yeah, well, I mean, it sounds sweet college debt? Is that what you're looking for? You know, all of that, Sally Mae, all them good things. No, but honestly, and it sounds cliche, one, I learned that education is true wealth. And in that sense of being a father, I wanted to be an example because my kids are spoiled little brats. But they, if I can be an example to them to say, like, you can have all the material things, but all that stuff can be taken away from you. They can never take your education away. And as I learned through this journey, going to a HBCU and learning so much about myself

and I mean even Nelson Mandela said it the best, I mean, education is the most powerful weapon one can use to change the world. And so I'm just trying to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do thin thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the their thi thi their their the the o' the their their the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi. And the. And the. And the. And the. And thean. I thean. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thean. I thean. I the. I the. I the. And th just trying to do my part. You definitely, you definitely started on a journey that people have noticed, myself included where Nick Cannon's message has changed from just jokes to now being jokes and also informing people about, as you say, the culture. You've become very pro, you know, spreading a message of inclusivity. You become pro education and history and information. Black people in America, black people as they tie to Africa. Yeah, I just disenfranchised people around the world.

What is that about? Like, what do you hope to achieve in and around, like, just the black community in America? I mean, honestly, I just wanted to be more than just a celebrity out here talking and saying, I wanted to really dig in and that's why criminology was so important to me. Because each and every week I go into prisons and facilities of incarceration. And now even on studying, studying the mind of like the, what would make a society rally around an idea of imprisonment, you know, and just even those concepts are like, all the idea of imprisonment. You know, even those concepts are like, all the way to the root of the issue and say as humanity, how do we get, how do we fix this thing and get back together on just a human level?

Let's fix it at the root of the issue and then we can get to every other issue and not be divided but be as one. When you... When you... I like that message and we're just getting deep for a second. No, but when you, here's one thing I always wonder about you as Nick Cannon. People see you on While and Out, we'll see you on TV shows. You're not afraid to take the joke, you're not afraid to turn it on yourself. You're not afraid to make fun of yourself. You know some people think you're cheesy,

but all of they, c-ch-ch-eely all that but I think there's that it's like part of your game as Nick Cannon where you you've realized that you can get a lot further when people don't see you coming than if they perceive you as a threat don't tell them my secret Trevor I feel you honestly it really is it goes back us being comedians you know the power of self deprecating humor right and then it really it puts the audience the audience the audience the audience to the audience to the the the to the the the the the to the the the th. th. th. th. It really th. It really th. It really th. It really th. It really th. It th. It really. It th. It th. It's thi. It really. It really. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It's. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th..... I th....... I th......... I th. I th... I th... I th. It really really really really really really really really really really. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. the power of self-deprecating humor. Right. And then it really, it puts audience at ease, it puts everybody on an even playing field, and then when you really get to that place, when you understand humor is really where the healing occurs, when you can see something and actually step back and laugh at it, and you can laugh at yourself, laugh at your insecurities. And thi thi, thinnene. And them them them them them them them them them them them them they, and then, and then, and then, and they, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, it's the, and the, it's the, it's the, it puts everybody, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, it, and thi, thi, it's thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, theats, theats, the, thu thu theats, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th afraid to talk about him. But like, nah, shoot, I know I got pencil legs, so what?

I'm out here rocking these pencil legs. Like, and then when you can do that, then you can get to the real issues at hand and everything from mental health to bullying, all these things that are real issues that people are afraid to deal with. We can deal with it on a human level. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And thin. And thin. And thin. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And thin, thin, that, that, that, tho, thin, thin, thin, thin, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And th. And th. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And tha. And tha. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And tha. And tha. And tha. And tha. And th full spectrum of everything. It's pencil legs all the way through to a PhD. Thank you so much for being on the show. I appreciate it. My singer, that's Wednesdays at 8pm on Fox. Nick Cannon, everybody. Thank you.

Thank you. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at the Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos theeeeeeeease the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Thank the. Thank the. Thank the. It's the. Thank the. Thank the. It's the. Thank the. Thank the. Thank the. Thank the. Thank tho. Thank tho. Thank tho. Thank th. Thank th. Thank th. Thank tho. Thank the. Thank the. Thank the. Thank the. Thank the. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the. It's the. It's a the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly

Show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.