The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The FBI Raids Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Home & Fox News Turns on Law Enforcement

Episode Date: August 14, 2022

Donald Trump’s Florida home is raided by the FBI, Eric Trump makes a somewhat pathetic excuse for his dad, and Fox News anchors reveal just how fast they’ll turn on law enforcement when things don’t go their way.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Oh my God! The FBI raided Donald Trump's house in Marilago. The FBI people raided a former president's house. This is huge! This is bigger than when the feds investigated Bill Clinton for doing mouth stuff with that saxophone. And by the way, by the way, this raid, just so you know, has nothing to do with January 6th or tax fraud or giving the White House plumber PTSD. No, apparently, apparently this investigation is about Trump taking classified documents from the White House.

And honestly, I'm amazed that Trump has time for all of this crime. Like at any moment, at any moment, Trump's tick, tick, tri' tri' t, tri', t, triment, triment, t, the the the-the-the-t, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, has thi, has thi, thi, thi, thi, th, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, has, has, has, has, has, has, has, has, has th, has, has, has, has th, has th, has th, has th, has th, has th, has th, has th, has thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thiiiiiii. thiiii. thiii. thi. thii. thii. thi. thi. thi., I'm amazed that Trump has time for all of this crime. Like at any moment, at any moment, Trump's got a crime that he's covering up, he's got a crime that he's doing now, he's got a crime that he's plotting for the future. He's like the Steve Harvey, but of crimes, you know? Every day I'm like, does he have this year, the feds already had to go down to Marilago and take back 15 boxes of documents that Trump wasn't supposed to have, but apparently they think there's more hidden on the property. All right, and I believe that, I believe that, too.

I mean, like, Trump's not going to keep records in a filing cabinet like a normal person. There's the same dude who buried his ex-wife on a golf course. I mean, think about that. And yes, it is totally unprecedented for the FBI to raid the home of a former precedent. That is true. That has never happened in American history. But don't forget, Donald Trump has also never happened in American history. Everything is an anomaly with this man. I mean, like, why do you think a book from one of his staffers comes out every single week?

Because every single person he interacts with is like, Yo, have I got a f-suked story for you? And wouldn't it be weird if this is the thing that takes Trump down? We thought it would be something like conspiracy or bribery or blackmail, but no, Trump's got busted for taking work home with him? What a nerd! Now, obviously, President Trump recognizes the gravity of this situation, which is why he has refrained from comments while the legal process is playing Now I'm joking with you, come on. The guy released a statement

immediately, immediately, he read, these are dark times for our nation as my beautiful home, Marilago, in Palm Beach, Florida, is currently under siege, rated and occupied, by a large group of FBI agents. They even broke into my safe. What's the difference between this and Watergate? What's the difference? I love that even while he's complaining, he slips in that the thing is beautiful. How could they do this to my beautiful home?

Also, this is completely different from Watergate. All right? For one thing, the guys breaking into Watergate didn't need to clean old ketchup stains off the documents, but the other big thing, the other big difference is that the raid was legal, all right? Was approved by a federal judge, approved by the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head thea. their thea heaut. tooom. to be tooom. to be to be tooom. tooom. tooom. to be to be toeou.... toeou... toe...... toe.... th... th. th... th. th. th. th. the he. the he. the he. the hea. the he. the he. the he. the he. the the the the the hea. the the the the the the the tea. their their their their thea. thea. thea. thea. thea but the other big thing, the other big difference, is that the raid was legal, all right? Was approved by a federal judge, approved by the head of the FBI, who by the way was appointed by Donald Trump himself after he got rid of like 17 other heads of Donald Trump. Because they didn't want to do crimes of Donald Trump. So now, the big mystery is, what did the FBI find? Well, according to Donald Trump's the the the thiiii. the fi fi the fi the fi the fi the fi the fi the fi the fi the fi the fc-fe the fc-fe the fc-fe the feteet the feteen-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-fe, theatu-in-in the, the, the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. the the the the the thu. thi the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the, the the the the the the the the the the theeean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean, what did the FBI find? Well, according to Donald Trump's third favorite son,

the only thing the FBI took was his heart. What could they possibly think existed? Inside of Moralago, in a box that was taken from the White House that was so damaging that the FBI director and the Attorney General of the United States would have to raid a form of president's residence and grab everything out of there. I don't know, they'll probably find a note for me telling him how proud I am of him and what great job he was doing his president. They might find some pictures of my kids, maybe some nice headlines, maybe a nice note from you, Sean. Oh, Eric.

Eric, you silly, silly man. Did Daddy tell you that's where your letters to him go? Hidden away somewhere safe. They're just too important to show anybody or acknowledge it anyway, Eric. That's why I locked them up right next to my wedding ring. That's what I do. Now, aside from the boxes that they took, the FBI also looked inside Trump's safe, which is very dramatic. Like because apparently they had to break into it, right? So now you're like, how do

they do it? Did they blow it open? Or did they just correctly guess the code was 69-69? Honestly, I'd be surprised. I would actually be surprised if they found White House documents in Trump's safe. Because a safe is where you keep your most prized possessions. Yeah. So in my head, searching through Trump's safe would probably go a lot more like this. All right, guys, let's see what we have in here. All right. My God, the entire safe is just filled with MacRib after McRib. This is, this is, they're stacked on top of each other.

This is, I don't even understand. It's an unventilated safe. Who would do this? Wait, wait, hold on. There's a secret panel in the bottom. I think we found it. We just found nope another MacRib boys another MacRib Now you might be wondering You might be wondering

Isn't this an extremely explosive situation for the United States? Yes, it is it is you don't want to let a former president get away with crimes? Right because nobody in America is above the law, except corporations and rich people and police and celebrities sometimes, but aside from them? Nobody is above the law. the the the the the the the the the the their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. their th. th. there? th. there? th. th. th. th. their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their nobody in America is above the law, except corporations and rich people and police and celebrities sometimes. But aside from them, nobody is above the law. But at the same time, even the perception that the Justice Department is being used to go after your political opponents, that could erode people's trust in governments. So it's a really tricky situation. And the only thing we can do is wait and see how the investigation unfolds. Or if you're Fox News, you can just freak out right now. This is an abomination.

This is Gestapo crap. It's probably the worst day in the history of the FBI. This is a wake-up call for those in Congress to be able to use the tools at their disposal to defund the FBI, dismantle the FBI into a thousand bits. Representative Marjorie Taylor Green simply tweeing, defund the FBI. If this is what they're able to do to the former president of the United States, think about what they could do to you, to anybody in America. The real target of this investigation isn't Trump. The real target of this investigation is you. Do we have a dual justice system in America?

Is there equal justice under the law? I am deathly afraid for Donald Trump. I would not put assassination behind these people. We're entering a bin, a Venezuelan, Zimbabwean, East German-style, Banana Republican, which the law doesn't matter. This is some Third World bullshit right here. Let me say it again, Third World bullshit. All right, first of all, as someone from the Third World, maybe leave us out of your shit for once, huh?

How about that? How about that? This is some. Third world bullshit right here. This is stuff. Every time Americans want to call something in America that is corrupt. All of a sudden they're like, oh, this is third world bullshit. My man, at what point do you realize that it's happening here?

It's you. It's you. It's you. It's you. Bad things only happen in other countries, when it's here, it's still happening in another country. In fact, when something happens in the actual third world, yeah, these days America's gotten so bad, people in Africa are like, are you kidding me? This is just like America. Ah, no. This place is turning into America.

What are we doing here, huh? What are we doing here? But I do get what to the super Karen is saying, if the FBI is going to go after Trump for stealing classified documents from the White House, then what's to stop them from going off to you when you steal classified documents from the White House? Is that the country we want to live in where anyone can be investigated just for the crime of doing crimes? I don't think so.

I don't think so. I don't think so. And you know, what all of this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this just this just this is this just this is this is this just this is this is this is this is this is just just just just this is this is this is this is just this is just this is just this is just thi. thi, I thi, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. th so. And you know, what all of this just shows you, it all just like, you just get a moment to saver is how amazing, how quickly MagaWorld turns on law enforcement. And America as a whole, whenever it suits them, whenever things go against them. Huh? All of a sudden, Marjorie Taylor Green,

posting a photo of an upside-down American flag after this rate happened. Yeah, well I thought respecting the flag was the most important thing in the world. Colin Kappenig is probably kneeling in his grave right now. All of these people complaining what happened to to, if you don't like what's happening in America, why don't you just leave? What happened to that? And all of these, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the flag, the flag, the flag, the flag, the flag, the flag, the flag, the flag, the flag, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the, I, I the, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I th. I'm, I th. I'm, I'm th. I th. I th. th. I th. I tho. I th. I tho. I th. I th. I these years, what has been, two years now, of people saying, defund the police, it's like the n-word for law enforcement. Yes, but let the FBI take two boxes from Mara Laga, and all of a sudden, these same people are like,

take that thin blue line and shove it up your ass. Defund the FBI, defund the cops. Same people. Same people. Where's more enforcement now? You know we need to start for conservatives? We need to start a game show called Who's Woke Now? That's what we should call it. Yeah. It's like bringing our first contestant is Sean Hannity who says now there are two justice systems in America. It's not fair.

Oh, who's woke now now, Sean? You just won yourself an Afro pick. Congratulations, brother. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah Ears Edition. Subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and stream full episodes any time on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.