The Daily Show: Ears Edition - The Move to End Congressional Stock Trading

Episode Date: January 30, 2022

As a bipartisan bill to end congressional stock trading makes waves, Trevor looks at Congress members' uncanny ability to make bank on the stock market. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Let's talk about Congress. It's the number one tourist destination for people trying to hang Mike Pants. Now, you may not know this, but most members of Congress are forced to scrape by on a measly $200,000 a year salary, which when you think about it is barely enough to afford a good prostitute. So naturally, they need to supplement their income by investing in the stock market.. It. It. It. It. It's, it. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a their, it's, it's a their, it's a their, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's their, it's their, it's a good prostitute. So naturally, they need to supplement their income by investing in the stock market.

It's a natural thing. But if you can believe it, there's now a new movement in Congress to stop members from trading stocks altogether. It's rare these days for this divided Congress to agree on absolutely anything. But there may be one issue. It has the likes of Alexandria Ocagozaio Cortez and Kevin McCarthy on the same side. They're both among members of Congress pushing for new restrictions on how lawmakers trade

stocks. Democratic Senator John Ossoff just released a bill tonight that would force lawmakers to put their assets into a blind trust or pay a fine of their entire salary. GOP Senator Josh Hawley is working on a version two, and in the House there's already a bipartisan bill called the Trust in Congress Act. This comes only a few weeks after House Speaker Nancy Pelosi doubled down on members' right to invest in the stock market. Should members of Congress have their spouses be banned from trading individual stocks while

serving the Congress? No, I don't know to the second one. This is a free market in people. We are a free market economy that should be able to participate in that. Okay, well, first of all, I can't believe there's an issue that AOC and Kevin McCarthy agree on. I mean, those kids on euphoria are way to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to on anything, except that those kids on euphoria are way too horny. Don't you guys have a home worker? Pretty sure you can't put cocaine on a college application.

And by the way, this bill is quite a move for a new senator like John Ossoff. Think about it, the guy just got to the Senate, and he's already coming off to the Senate and he's already coming after the wallet of his co-workers? It's like showing up to prison on your first day and being like, hey, Warren, I think these guys are using spoons to dig something. But the question still is, why do so many representatives from across the political spectrum want to ban Congress from trading stocks? And why is Nancy Pelosi against that? Well, let's find out.

In another installment of, if you don't know, now you know. The first thing to know is that historically, Congress has had no restrictions when it comes to trading stocks. For most of American history, insider trading laws that affected CEOs didn't apply to members of Congress. So, if Thomas Edison testified behind closed doors, senators could just call up their broker going, dump all my shares and candles, that shit's over, I tell you. You see, they could use all of this advanced secret knowledge to make money for themselves, and it was illegal for everyone else to do it, but for some reason, Congress could. I mean, it may have something to do with the fact that they were making the laws, who

knows. So it's no surprise that members of Congress have been really good at timing the stock markets. Economists have studied the portfolios of members of Congress and find they systematically outperformed the market by 12% per year. That crushes investment guru Warren Buffet, who only managed to beat the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market the market by 12% per year. That crushes investment guru Warren Buffett who only managed to beat the market by 2.5% that decade. The 2008 financial crisis turned out to be a free for all for insider trading on Capitol Hill. According to a Washington Post

expose 35 members cashed out on information they received for meetings with Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson and others. One of those those attending was Alabama Representative Spencer Backus. While Congressman Backus was publicly trying to keep the economy from cratering, he was privately betting that it would, buying option funds that would go up in value if the market went down. He would make a variety of trades and profit at a time when most Americans were losing their shirts. Now look, I know seeing politicians profit off of an economic meltdown might make you angry, but don't forget they suffered too.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to pretend to be sad when you're making bank? They had to give speeches of fighting the urge to do the duggy live on camera. And obviously something fishy is going on when members of Congress are doing better in the stock market than Warren Buffett. I mean, it definitely makes those fundraising emails even more annoying. I need $5 by midnight. Bitch, go talk to your e-trade. What are you talking to me for? I mean, I don't know, maybe I'm just jealous. Because members of Congress, they they they they they get they get they they they get they get they they get they get they get they get they get they get they get they get they get they get they get they get they get they get they they, because members of Congress, they get all the coolest secrets, you know?

Which stocks to buy who the CIA is killing? Where are they keeping the aliens? Every other workplace has stupid secrets. Like, my coolest secret right now at the show is that our producer, Shelly is pregnant, and she's gonna surprise her husband on Valentine's Day. Boring. But when people found thomen making money off of the financial crash, there was a big enough outcry that Congress was finally shamed into regulating themselves. They passed the Stock Act, which banned members of Congress from trading stocks based on private information,

and forced them to publicly disclose all their trades within 45 days. But it turns out that legislation is like most members of Congress before bed, completely toothless. It is certainly illegal for members of Congress to partake in insider trading. Proving that is very difficult. If you want to nail them on insider trading, good luck. You could essentially say, listen, I was reasonably told by my broker I should sell or I heard similar stuff from a the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their to their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the their their the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the theuuu... toean. toean. thean.ean.ean. tean.ean.ean. thean.eoooooooeoeckeckeckeckecke essentially say, listen, I was reasonably told by my broker I should sell, or I heard similar stuff from a third party.

DOJ has yet to successfully convict an elected member of Congress based on this law. Even if the law is followed, it barely has any teeth. Nearly 50 lawmakers, both Republicans and Democrats, and nearly 200 of their staffers, have repeatedly violated the Stock Act with, with th................. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. I'm toe., toe., toe., toe, toe., toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, the same. toe, the same. the same. toe, the. toe, the. toe, toe, toe, toe, toe. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe.o.e.o.e.e.e.e.o. toe. toe. toe. toe staffers have repeatedly violated the Stock Act with almost no consequences. You can make tens of millions of dollars with privilege information and what's the penalty for failing to report these purchases? It's a joke. It's as low as $200.

Whoa, $200 is the penalty? I mean look I'm math expert, but if I have to pay a $200 fine to make a trade that earns me millions of dollars, I feel like I'm coming out ahead. Like, I'm making $1,000 in profit at least, right? $200 is not a penalty, people. That's the chip you throw to the dealer after you win the poker tournament. Hell, you lose $200 just carrying the million dollars to the bank. So it turns out that the Stock Act is just another one of those laws that no one enforces, you know, like jaywalking or pushing all the buttons in an elevator. And don't forget, it's really hard to prove inside a trading. You can't. You the the the stock. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, thr-in. So, thr-in. So, thrown. So, thrown. So, thrown. throwne. thoomo, tho, thr-in. So, thr-in. thr-in. tho, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, thi. So, thi. So, to. So, to. So, tote. So, tote. So, tote. So, it's tote. So, it's tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. So, to as a member of Congress is actually a very believable alibi. So the Stock Act really did

nothing to stop insider trading. Like remember, remember how those congressmen sold those stocks before the crash in 2008? Well, the same thing happened again a couple of years ago before COVID hit. Yeah, multiple senators dumped their stocks after intelligence officials told them them in a private briefing that all that all that all th, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, thi, thi, their, thi, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. So, th. So, th. So, th. And, the, thi, thi, and, and, and, thi, and, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, their, their, their, thi. And, multiple senators dumped their stocks after intelligence officials told them in a private briefing that all those coughing people in China were about to tank the world economy. And still, no one got punished. Which is why, even after the Stock Act, members of Congress continue to do so well

that some of them have their own financial groupies, and no one has more than Nancy Pelosi. Some Tickkkockers are getting stock market ideas by tracking members of Congress and one of their favorites is House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Nancy Pelosi just purchased millions of dollars in call options. You've got to see this. Shouts out to Nancy Pelosi, the stock market's biggest whale. Apparently she's decided to go very heavy in tech stocks, I'm going to show you guys which one she bought. The Queen of Investing just spent

$300,000 on this one stock. So I think I'll be picking up a couple shares on Monday. This stock's about to go crazy because Nancy Pelosi bought it. Yeah, that's right. Nancy Pelosi is a star on TikTok. And she didn't need to steal any black people's dance moves to do to to to to to to to to to to to to th. That. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, Nancy. th. N. th. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. thi, Nancy. N. N. N. Yeah, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy. And, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. I thi. I thi. And, thi. I's thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And she didn't need to steal any black people's dance moves to do it. That's amazing. In fact, I almost respect Pelosi's hustle. She's 81 years old. Most of her friends are probably playing the nickel slots right now, but she knows that it doesn't matter if it's casinos or Wall Street. The House always wins, baby. Now, has Pelosi been so successful because of inside information? There's no way to know. But what's clear is that just being a member of Congress means that you'll probably know about the bad stuff that will crash a stock before the rest of us. Yeah, whether it's a housing bubble or Elon Musk hosting S&L.

And until members of Congress are banned from trading stocks, Congress will keep having an edge over regular people. And it'll all be completely legal, or at the very least, so unenforceable that it's legal by default. What you've got to admit is such a smooth way to do corruption. In fact, it's such a smooth way that leaders in other parts of the world are starting to today's lesson. Say that your people have given you the sacred trust of political office. How do you use that trust to get rich?

I will pass laws that help those corporations in exchange for money. No, that is corruption. What you do is you buy the stock in the company, and then you pass the company, and then you pass for money. No, that is corruption. What you do is you buy the stock in the company and then you pass the law. But that is also corruption. No, that is the free market. Say it with me, free market. Free market.

Say it with a feeling, free market. Put it in your bonds, free market. Free market. Put it in your bonds, free market. Free market. Good. In America, if you say the word free market, you can do anything. It is like their witchcraft. But teacher, what if I get caught trading on my inside knowledge? Then you pay the penalty. But as the lawmaker, you get to decide the penalty.

Oh, I'll pay $200? That is insultingly low. Good job! Good job! Yeah! That in the title one has a strike towards the city! Hurry, students, you know what to do! I will warn the people! I'll save the children. I will buy stocks in unflotting.

You have passed the test! You have passed the test! It's just a test. There's no time away. Oh no, there is! No, the daily show, weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.