The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's News | DOJ Protects Trump From Epstein Accountability, and Trump Floats Canceling Midterms

Episode Date: February 7, 2026

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This episode is brought to you by Ninja Lux Cafe, the three-and-one machine that makes espresso, drip coffee, and cold brew. No barista skills required. You're listening to Comedy Central. Yep, it's Groundhog Day. We call it Groundhog Day, because this is the day when Donald Trump sees Epstein's shadow, and we get six more weeks of not knowing who any of the co-conspirators are in this multinational sex trafficking case, and also because Punksitani Phil is all the way. over the files.

Is that to scale by any chance? Is that... That may be the biggest groundhog. They literally look like... They actually look like they could be friends. Bill Clinton and Paxitone fell. The point I'm trying to make is the Epstein Files thing.

We've been through this before. Donald Trump revelations about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. The MAGA fault line seems to be widening from a fracture Breaking news. A big break, Republicans breaking with Trump on Epstein. The dam could potentially be breaking here with MAGA. The beginning of the end of the Trump presidency. After a million more documents in the Epstein files were discovered last week, will this fracture become a lasting, irreversible break?

I'm going to go with no. You guys are adorable. The chances of this breaking MAGA are actually worse than Trump, just lowering the age of consent to be done with the whole fucking thing, which is not, I didn't say we were doing it, which is not to say there is an awful shit in this new Epstein dump. It was a veritable who's who of who you imagine wanted someone to touch their hoo-hoo.

Allegedly, Lutnik, Bannon, Musk, Summers, Gates, Clinton, Tish, Melania, the guy who directed Melania, Prince Andrew and Sir Richard Branson. I think any of us will ever masturbate again. That is, of course, the star of our show, Donald Josephine Trump, whose thousands of mentions render Trump as kind of a necessary backdrop

through the entirety of the Epstein Files, kind of like New York City in a Woody Allen movie, which coincidentally is apropos. because he's also in the files. And, of course, to get ahead of the story, I am also in the files. We all searched our names, right? You guys didn't search your name?

All right, well, I, yeah, no, I know. Whatever. I am in the files. All right. This is actually true. I take you to the same. scene. It is midnight. August 29th, 2015.

Jeffrey Epstein lies wide awake, his mind turning with ideas. He jots a quick note to a producer named Barry Josephson saying, I suggested to Woody. Y'all know which Woody, right? It's the Epstein files.

It ain't Harrelson. All right. Or the cowboy from Toy Story. You know which Woody would turn out. Quote, I suggested to Woody that he do an exclusive new stand-up routine for either Apple TV or Amazon. Oh, Jeffrey Epstein always had his finger on the pulse

of what America was clamoring for in 2015. But Barry Josephson, thinking like the out-of-the-box television professional that he was, pitched this idea. This is true, quote, make a true biographical experience with his stand-up being the capper. Somebody like John Stewart could host slash narrate The biographical part.

Excuse me? Did somebody like Johnson audition? For extensive references, were reserved for members of the billionaire class who traveled in Epstein's circles, including the billionaireist of them all. New emails from billionaire Elon Musk at Epstein coordinating a possible visit

to the financier's infamous island. Elon says, do you have any parties planned? I really want to hit the party scene in St. Bart's, or elsewhere and let loose. I'm sorry, I hate to do this. Can I, can we zoom in on the email on that, please? Christmas Day? You're asking if Jeff Epstein's got any parties planned on the island on Christmas Day?

I mean, look, Christmas is tense time. We've all had that feeling trapped in the house with the in-laws and 14 to 16 of our children over the holidays. But generally, Elon, the wonderlust doesn't really hit till the 28th of the 29th, but Christmas morning? You f***ing emailed Epstein Christmas, dearest Jeffrey. I've just seen the joy in all my children's faces as they opened their gifts. Get me the fuck out of here. And ever since those revelations, Elon has been, how do the kids say it, crashing out?

He's posted about the Epstein files more than 85 times over the last two days. Oddly enough, mostly on Blue Sky. No, I'm just kidding. And if I may, Elon, slow down, brother. You've got to make some time for tweeting about the white genocide, too. Life's a balance. But this is obviously important to Elon. So, all right, give us the best argument for your innocence.

Musk denies any wrongdoing. Writing over the weekend, if I actually wanted to spend my time partying with young women, it would be trivial for me to do so without the help of a creepy loser like Epstein. Um, I could do what Epstein does on my own is not the moral clarity we were expecting here. But my favorite part of the Musk Epstein emails, uh, you ever have a friend where you don't really share the same sense of humor, but you share the same interests?

And they shared the same interests. Epstein writes him and says, any plans for New York, the opening of the General Assembly of the UN, has many interesting people coming to the house. Mm, many interesting people, Elon. Wink, wink. Get it? Elon replies,

I run and lead product design engineering for two complicated companies. Flying to New York to see UN diplomats do nothing would be an unwise use of time. I'm sorry, Jeffrey, could you make it a little more obvious for your friend? To which Jeffrey Epstein replies, do you think I am retarded? Just kidding, there is no one over 25 and all very cute. What the fuck you've all had that friend? why would I go to the bathroom with you to go skiing? Being is an outdoor sport requiring a mountain and equipment.

And, oh, I see. Now, another big name in the files is Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnik, which in itself is not big news, because since Lutwick, Lutnik admitted that he met Epstein in 2005 and then said he immediately cut off all contact. You know what? I won't. Let me let him tell the story. I say to him, massage table in the middle of your house.

How often you have a massage? And he says, every day. And then he like gets like weirdly close to me. And he says, and the right kind of massage. Shiazhu or, uh, like a, like a deep tissue or a loamy, his dick. I'm sorry, it's about, I apologize. It's, okay.

Okay, yeah, yeah. He's talking about a dick massage. Go to the bathroom to go skiing. Okay, dick massage. Understood. Carry on with the story. And in the six or eight steps it takes to get from his house to my house. Wait a second.

You live six steps from Jeffrey Epstein? Six steps. Jeffrey Epstein's house was six steps. That's how f*** up housing is in New York. York City. Millionaires don't get to live more than six steps away from each. Imagine how the rest of us live in this habit trail hell hole. I'm sorry, anyway, carry on.

And in the six or eight steps it takes to get from his house to my house, my wife and I decided that I will never be in the room with that disgusting person ever again. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. That's how you and your wife decided. Yes, yes. No, no, no. Your wife and you were both outraged. Oh, you walked out of there like, honey, that guy, what a creepo.

I mean, to think there's a guy with massage tables and a sex swing in a dildo room, just six steps from our house. I mean, believe me, honey, you'll never catch me commuting to Fripp Palace Avenue ever again. Right, honey? You trust me, right, honey? And so he never returned. Until? Files released today showed that Howard Lutnik tried to meet or call with Epstein several times after 2005.

Yes, Jeffrey, it's me. Howard Lutnik. Stoop right now, I just, I am disgusted and appalled and have a tremendous amount of tension in my trapezeous muscle. My one-man show called Lutnik on the Stoop. By the way, it wasn't just Republicans in this email. Yet Bill Clinton pictures having his cake and ogling it too. Economist Larry Summers, seeing if someone was available to rub his Phillips curve. Look it up.

And Bill Gates apparently getting gonorrhea from a Russian hooker. Allegedly. Fibn't true. Lots of additional pictures and documents, but there is nothing in the Epstein files released today that shows anyone new can be prosecuted. Well, of course, no, of course they can't be. It's completely believable that Epstein and Glein Maxwell are solely responsible for supposedly KGB and Mossad billion-dollar multinational sex trafficking ring. It's really a mom-and-pop operation.

I think that's pretty clear. I mean, you've already seen the millions of documents that the FBI has worked on for months to flag mentions of Donald Trump. I'm sure the 2.5 million remaining documents that we haven't seen will be no different, right? Trump, lawyer, and also guy in charge of files that might implicate Donald Trump? This review is over. Okay, well, I'm satisfied. That's fine. Look, man, we always knew that the people at DOJ releasing these documents weren't on a fact-finding mission.

They were running interference. And the guy they're running interference for seems very satisfied with these results. I didn't see it myself, but I was told by some very important people that not only does it absolve me, it's the opposite of what people were hoping, you know, the radical level. I'm totally innocent. I mean, look at me. Do I look like the kind of a guy would fly around on a billionaire sex plane? of these dudes. They've been on the plane.

They've been on the island. They've been to his house. They've given him creepy cards with pubicare. They've been accused by a multitude of women of a multitude of wrongdoings. And nothing has happened to any of them. Any of them. Oh, Prince Andrew. Oh, Prince Andrew stripped of the title, Prince.

Oh, such a penalty. Now it's just Andrew Mountbat. Baton Windsor. Ooh, one more time, buddy, and you'll be busted down to Andy Mountbatten Windsor. You know, I got to be honest. I'm just not sure anybody is going to be held accountable for any of this. I have nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein. And in fact, if you look at the DOJ, they announced, you know, they released three million pages.

It's like this is all they're supposed to be doing. And frankly, the DOJ, I think, should just say, we have other things to do. And boy, does the DOJ have other things to do. You know, looking into this decades-long sex trafficking network for the rich and powerful is stopping the DOJ from getting the people who really deserve to be punished. If you are here illegally, you got to go. Why? Because you're breaking the law.

No one is above the law. This creates a two-tiered system. There's no accountability. There's no enforcement. It breeds fraud and crime and all of the other problems that come. I want sanctuary city policy to end. New-tiered system of accountability. And to quote Lindsay Graham there,

Chiruary city policies have to end. Well, after watching the politically well-connected skirt any form of legal accountability for horrible fucking crimes, it seems pretty clear to me that there is a sanctuary city in this country. But guess what? This kid don't live in it.

The real sanctuary city is where money and power protect you from the consequences of sex trafficking, or influence peddling, or taking half a billion dollars and giving away America's AI infrastructure. Not the small Midwestern city where trying to help a lady get up after she gets maced gets you shot in the back of the fucking head. That's the real sanctuary city. And these are the motherfuckers who live there. Give me the right picture. Yeah. Cafe quality brews without a barista. That's the Ninja Lux Cafe.

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and everyone's excited for the Bad Bunny halftime show. And by everyone, I mean the radical woke communists who hate America. The NFL just chose the Bad Bunny Rabbit or whatever his name, this guy who hates ice. And he doesn't sing in English. Someone who hates America. Who wants to watch a man wearing a dress anyway? It is woke puk.

Bad Bunny's lyrics contain every sexual term possible in the most explicit and severe sexual terminology possible. The lyric is, where are the horny ladies? One more dance and we're going to call the Vatican. I was in hell when I found a devil. I mean, is this who you want as your halftime entertainment? I mean, oh my God. Is anyone else as mad and horny as I am right now? So yeah, there's no way Americans are going to want to watch the performance by the most popular musician in America. But good news, there is a halftime alternative. And it's not just turning that seven-layer dip into a seven-layer poop. You want to tune out the woke nonsense that the NFL is promoting during the halftime show,

then tune in to Turning Point USA's All-American halftime show. Their lineup just dropped friends, and it's fire. Now, this Sunday, Patriots like Kid Rock, Brantley Gilbert, Lee Bryce, and Gabby Barrett are performing right when halftime starts for the NFL. Woo! Huh? Man, that is a real who's who of who? We've got Gabby Barrett, Brantley Gilbert, Garby Billet, Billy Garvin, Breely Grabbers, Bobby Glaubert, gaggy bobbels,

Barnacle Gaspardy, Babette Gingletree, hologram Hulk Hogan, Gregory Lee Bancelbaum, Kidgob, Kidrock, Kid, And kid rock's father, adult rock. So, yeah. It's great. This is great. You know all those musicians. Unbelievable. It's great that there's a conservative halftime show.

What we really need is an alternative to the ultra-woke puppy ball. Okay? Who's a good boy? Who's a good girl? Why are they so obsessed with gender? Let's move on. The midterm elections are coming up, and things are not looking good for my boy, Donald Trump.

His approval rating is in the 12. and Democrats have been overperforming in every special election since he took office. Last week, they won an election in Deep Red, Texas by 14 points. So let's give it up for Lee Womgans. Let's hear it Lee Womgans. Okay, just so you know, Leam Wams was the Republican, you idiots. Good job following the news. But still, if Trump wants to avoid a blowout in the midterm, he's going to have to do something. Well, he could change his policies.

He could slow down the rampant corruption. He could find less adorable kids to deport, so it's like, who cares? So, Mr. President, what's it going to be? Donald Trump once again floated the idea of canceling the midterms. He boasted that he had accomplished so much that when you think of it, we shouldn't even have an election. Yikes. Yikes. Look, I do get the joy of canceling plans.

No one loves bailing on drinks or a work dinner or are my kid's piano recital more than me. But you can't cancel elections. Voting is the most American thing you can do besides, well, not voting. And forgive me for being serious for a moment. But the president suggesting that he might cancel the midterms appears to be the inflection point toward a dictatorship from which our nation cannot return.

This is serious. The president was simply joking. That is a joke. Forget it. It was a joke. Phew, that is a relief. Oh, my God. I guess I was worried that it wasn't a joke because it's a little unusual

for a president to joke about canceling an election. And also, this particular president actually did try to overturn an election so I guess I don't get the joke? Can someone in the press court please ask the White House, what was funny about this? Are you saying that the president finds the idea

of canceling elections funny? Andrew, were you in the room? No, you weren't. I was in the room. I heard the conversation. Uh, okay? It was a you had to be there thing. But none of us be there? If I was in the room, then I would have

gotten it from his tone. It's like when Chris Rock tells a joke about black people. It works in the room, but it doesn't work later when Stephen Miller retells it at a clan meeting. But this is why we have a press to hold these people accountable. You can't blame the reporter for asking. That guy's from the Independent, a British paper.

And he is actually a weenie, and I hope that gets back to him. That guy is such a nerd. People like that, I mean, that's why we hate the media. They're just nerds. Lighten up. Yeah. What a fucking nerd. So, okay, I've learned my lesson.

The president was just joking about this election stuff. And I'm a cool guy. I get jokes. So I'm going to take all this much less seriously. This morning, President Trump trying to exert more control over the nation's elections, saying Republicans should, quote, take over the voting. Okay. Okay.

Okay, this sounds scary, but I know now it's probably just another hilarious joke. Let's take over the elections. I'm going to cancel the midterms. I'm going to be president forever. I bet once you hear him actually say it, we'll get how funny it is. The Republicans should say, we want to take over.

We should take over the voting in at least many, 15 places. The Republicans ought to nationalize the voting. This all looks and sounds pretty bad. If Trump does even half the things, he's saying our democracy will be less, recognizable than the lineup of the TPUSA halftime show. Don't make me use it again.

The only thing that's giving me solace so far is that this is just talk, okay? If Trump was really going to meddle with the midterms, he'd be laying the groundwork by manufacturing evidence that there's widespread election fraud. And he's not doing that, right? Right? Happening now, the FBI has seized all of the 2020 election

ballots from Fulton County, Georgia. It's part of the Justice Department's effort to look for alleged voter fraud. President Trump keeps pushing this baseless claim that the 2020 election was stolen. Holy shit, two things. First of all, Trump, you gotta get over 2020, man. I mean, 2020 is over.

You don't see the rest of us being grateful for essential workers anymore. Move on. And secondly, I think it's pretty clear that Trump is not joking about meddling in the election this year. And the only way we can prevent it is if everyone stands up to stop him,

especially Republicans. I'm talking Mike Johnson, Lindsey Graham, Gabby Barrett, Brantley Gilbert, Bork Gutman, gunk butters, Griff Bortman, and of course, Brickley Gobble Bottom.

God, I cannot wait for this halftime show. Oh, my God! This show is supported by Odu. When you buy business software from lots of vendors, the costs add up. and it gets complicated and confusing. O-DU solves this.

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or dark roast coffee. Get a deal on the iconic duo with a Tins dollar donut plus tax at participating restaurants for limited time. Terms apply. See app for details. It's time for Tims. It's no secret that things have not been great in the old US of A lately. Government shock troops are rampaging through the streets. Billionaires are stripping our last remaining news outlets for parts. And I just bought a pint of raspberries that cost $43. But Don't worry. President Trump has an announcement that's going to turn everything around.

America is back. There's a new hat. We just came out. America is bad. America is back. Thanks for that inspiring halftime speech coach. Team, I know we're down 55 to 0, but on the other hand, I made a hat.

Hope that helps. Good luck in the second half. It's bad enough they release hats as often as iPhone updates, but it doesn't even look like Trump's heart. Art is in this one. Can someone ask him a fun question to cheer him up a bit? And please make sure it's not about a subject that he's desperately trying to avoid.

A lot of women who are survivors of upsteens are unhappy with those redactions that came out. Some of the entire witness interviews are totally blacked out. Caitlin Collins, I-Ix-Nay on the dead Edophile pay. This is supposed to be a fun merch drop. Trying to hold the president to account is really killing the vibe. here. Mr. President, why don't you answer the question in the dignified

and respectable manner that we've come to expect. You know, she's a young woman. I don't think I've ever seen you smile. I've known you for 10 years. I don't think I've ever seen a smile. Well, I'm asking you about survivors. You know why you're not smiling? Because you know you're not telling the truth.

Damn. That is messed up. Can I talk to the president alone for just a second? Hey, DJ, a few thoughts. All right. I don't know if there's ever a time to tell a reporter to smile, but I'm almost positive.

It's not when she's asking you about sex trafficking victims. I mean, even if she did smile, would that make it better? Hey, I'd like to ask you about that pedophile ring. But to be fair to the president, he's really tired of being asked all these questions that he refuses to answer.

I think it's really time for the country to get onto something else. Yeah, yeah. Of course, you want to move on to something else. I would, too, if I was in the Epstein files, thousands of times. I feel the same way when the IRS tries to audit me. Hey, guys, I appreciate your interest, but me and my business jacuzzi are ready to move on. But you know what?

Donald Trump is right about one thing. There are a lot of other important issues to focus on, like what exactly? The president has announced his intention to build a giant arch across from the Lincoln Memorial. We, isn't it? my arch is going to fly. And now it's fighting Godzilla. And now it's telling Barbie to smile. And now it's marrying the Washington monument.

Oh, yeah. Is that what you guys laugh at? Stuff like that. Okay, so the president has decided to spend his time building a giant arch. How giant are we talking? The Washington Post reports it could stand as high as 250 feet,

just 40 feet shorter than the U.S. Two people say he's grown attached to the idea, despite some architectural experts being alarmed by the scale. I'd like it to be the biggest one of all. Wow, get excited people. Trump is building Washington, D.C.'s hottest suicide destination. First off, it's never good when the architectural experts use the word alarmed. And secondly, do we need the world's biggest arch?

This is how you can tell Trump doesn't live with Melania full time, because this is one of those ideas men have when they're home alone for too long. Whenever my wife goes away, two days into her trip, I'm like, actually, you know, we do need a skate park in this living room. I don't... And as for the arch design, it's basically just copying the Arc de Triumph. And honestly, if we're going to be derivative of France, let's not just settle for their arches.

How about socialize health care? Or even better, the right to... Better, the right to start a riot when your boss emails you after 5 p.m. But fine. But five. I guess go build your arch. Then we can get back to those important issues that you are so eager for America to return to.

So what do you got? President Trump announcing he will shut down the Kennedy Center for two years for a top-to-bottom renovation. No, Trump is shutting down the Kennedy Center for two years. But I promise my wife we'd go see the Bulgarian National Modern Jazz Dance Company. Damn you, Trump.

Strange, he's doing this now. Now, since they already renovated the Kennedy Center the last time he was president, there can't be another reason he wants to shut it down for two years, right? Right? That planned closures coming after a slew of artists canceled performances once the president purged the Kennedy Center's board, naming himself chairman and putting his own name on the building. Ah, yeah, he decided to close the Kennedy Center,

the same way your friend who collects dolls decided to become celibate. Trump, you can replace those performers. There's plenty of great conservative artists like Nikki Minaj and Kanye West, and I'm sure someone else will also have a mental breakdown soon. Also, hasn't the Kennedy family been through enough? The assassinations, the scandals, spending Thanksgiving with RFK Jr. Instead of turkey, I spatch cocked a raccoon. But fine, I'll give you the arch and I'll give you the Kennedy Center.

Just please, for the love of God, stop building stuff. and focus on your actual job. The president has shared what he calls the first public rendering of the future White House ballroom. The estimated cost of the project to skyrocket from 200 million to now 400 million.

Oh, that's right. The ballroom. I mean, I guess it doesn't suck. But for $400 million, it's definitely not blowing me away. I mean, who designed this thing? Frank Lloyd just all right. Architecture's slum.

Let's sum up how we got here. The president of the United States is in the Oval Office insulting professional reporters for asking about his administration's mishandling of the highest profile sex trafficking case in American history. And instead of answering these questions, he'd rather spend his time on his construction fetish of building his arch, a new Kennedy Center, and a giant ballroom he and his friends can dance in while the rest of the country collapses around them. Or, in other words, America is back. God, that enthusiasm is infectious. Investing is all about the future. So what do you think is going to happen? Bitcoin is sort of inevitable at this point.

I think it would come down to precious metals. I hope we don't go cashless. I would say land is a safe investment. Technology companies, solar energy. Robotic pollinators might be a thing. A wrestler to face a robot. That will have to happen. So whatever you think is going to happen in the future, you can invest in it at WealthSimple.

Start now at WealthSimple.com. Amazon presents Jamal versus the Shih Tzu. Descending from the gray wolf, shih Tzu's live by their own untamed primal code of not giving a single Shih Tzu. But Jamal shopped on Amazon and bought dog treats, chew toys, and 32 ounces of carpet cleaner. Hey, Jamal, you've been promoted to PAC Leader. Save the Every Day with deals from Amazon. It's been a month since U.S. forces captured Nicholas Maduro right out of his Venezuelan compound and sent him to Brooklyn to serve out his life as a barista in Bushwick.

And if you're wondering how a military run by these two geniuses were able to pull off that operation, turns out they had a little help. President Trump just told the New York posed that a secret new U.S. weapon was used in that operation that captured Maduro to shut down Venezuelan equipment. He said, the discombobulator. The discombobulator? That sounds like the worst ride at six flags. Don't go over there, dude. Somebody puked on the discombobulator.

Personally, I don't think our most advanced new weapons should have whimsical names. If I'm shot by a laser that liquefies my organs until they leak out of my eyes, I don't want it to tell my family that I was dinky zoinck to death. Can anyone follow up with the president about this weapon? You talked about the weapon, the discombobulator.

Discombobular. Well, I'm not allowed to talk about it. Let me just tell you, you know what it does? None of their equipment works. That's what it does. Okay. So you said you're not allowed to talk about it, but it kind of feels like you talked about it? This dude cannot keep the secret. This is how you know there's no aliens,

because day one, Trump would have been like, I'm not supposed to say anything, but they have three boobs. But thanks... Yeah, three boobs. Hell yeah. I love this audience. But thanks for the lowdown on the discombobulator, by the way.

Who came up with this name? It was my name. I'm very proud of their name. It is a great name, Mr. President. It does not sound like a well. weapon and paw patrol at all. But still, can you be a bit more specific about how the discombobulator discombobulates? Like, is it a laser beam or electrical pulse?

Everything was discombobulated. It was, you know, practically a shot wasn't, you know, they were ready. Right. And when we came, I mean, they couldn't do anything. You saw this on the video. You could tell. Tom, it discombobulated everything. Tom. You f***in idiots.

What part of discombobulator, don't you understand? Do you think I'm just talking nonsense here? This is almost unbelievable. Trump is announcing a secret weapon that disarms the enemy and ruins their equipment and disables their soldiers. This sounds too good to be true. A senior U.S. official tells us, Senator, that Trump may be conflating several capabilities

into a single weapon that doesn't actually exist. Okay. So I'm starting to think the president might have walked in front of the discombobulator. Let's move on to the story that's been discombobulating the entire world. Everybody is still binging the latest season of the Epstein Files. So let's get into all the fallout in another installment of the very normal and not shady handling of the Epstein Files. Pretty boring stuff. For the past week, people have been pouring over the Epstein Files and learning all the connections he had.

to the rich and powerful. Few people have been as disgraced as former Prince Andrew. But somehow, this next batch has made him even disgraceier. Former Prince Andrew has moved out of his longtime winter home, his brother, the king, evicting him from the royal estate over his links to Jeffrey Epstein. Ooh, wow, kicked out by his own brother, who is also his second cousin and his fifth uncle twelfth removed.

The point is, there's a lot of incest in the royal family. I'm glad he's getting evicted, and I think we can all agree. It is much funnier when a British pedophile has to go door to door in their new neighborhood, like, O'y, Governor, I'm a pito, isn't it? Cheerio. Anyway, let's check out the shithole that former Prince Andrew's being sent to. Andrew has moved to a cottage on the King's private estate in Sandringham, far from the public eye. Sandringham is a sprawling estate. It's set on 80 square kilometers of grounds.

There are multiple houses and cottages that are on this site. Oh, no. Not a cottage on the private estate. Only two butlers. And are we sure we want Prince Andrew far from the public eye? That's kind of how we got into this mess. If you ask me, he should have a 24-hour webcam on them like a pregnant giraffe at the zoo. How is it that it's impossible for any regular person to find affordable real estate

and they're giving away fancy cottages to allege pedophiles. Next time I go to an open house, I'm going to be like, honey, tell them you're 12. Look, nobody's going to shed a tear for a prince who has to downsize to the bad palace. But the ones that I truly feel bad for are the spouses. Imagine being Andrew's ex-wife, Sarah Ferguson, right now. How devastated she must be to learn

that her husband had so many links with Jeffrey Epstein. The former prince's ex-wife, Sarah Ferguson, is back in the headlines. for her links to Epstein. The latest files revealing emails she sent to Epstein after he was found guilty of soliciting a minor for prostitution in 2008. She wrote, you are a legend.

I really don't have the words to describe my love, gratitude for your generosity, and kindness. Kiss, kiss, I'm at your service. Just marry me. Wow, wow. That is the worst thing Fergie has ever written, and yes, I'm including the Let's Get Retarded song.

You wanted Jeffrey Epstein to be your husband? Really dodged a bullet Fergie. He could have said yes and then you would have ended up married to a huge pedophile. Oh wait. Either way, I am very happy to present Sarah Ferguson with this Lifetime Achievement Award for having

the worst taste in men. Congratulations, Fergie. Better luck next time, Cheryl Hines. It's an honor just to be nominated. So yeah, this isn't a good look. And based on what happened to Andrew, I assume Fergie would be facing some sort of consequences on her own. On Monday evening, Ferguson's charitable foundation, Sarah's trust,

announced it will shortly close for the foreseeable future. Ah, the charity is shutting down? That doesn't seem fair. Sorry, kids. The Duchess emailed the pedophile, so no mosquito nets for you. Now, look, nobody enjoys watching the British royal family squirm more than me. I'm still mad about that whole stamp tax thing.

But if we're talking about fallout from associating with Jeffrey Epstein, I think there might be someone else who should be facing some consequences. Hmm? Like not a royal? More like a politician? In Slovakia, a top advisor to the prime minister has resigned. After e-mail showed he met with Epstein in 2018. No, no, not some minister in Slovakia.

It's not even a real place. When I said certain politicians should be held accountable, I meant, you know, like someone running. a country? There's a world leader facing a political crisis over the Epstein files. It's British Prime Minister Kier Starrmer. No, no, no, no, not Great Britain. That's not even a real place. Look, I'm going to be very clear about this. The president of the United States. Someone needs to demand answers from the U.S. president. Former President Bill Clinton agreed to testify in the House Oversight Committee's Epstein probe. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not a former, you know what,

it, okay? I guess everybody in the damn files is going to face consequences except for Donald Trump. And on top of that, he must be so happy that his nemesis, Bill Clinton, is getting in trouble for this. It bothers me that somebody's going after Bill Clinton.

See, I like Bill Clinton. I still like what do you like about him? I like, well, I liked his behavior toward me. I thought he got me, he understood me. What? He likes Bill Clinton now? Hmm.

Either Trump just wants to get on Clinton's good side before he testifies about Epstein, or this is just a game-recognized game moment. I'd like to acknowledge that we're standing on sacred land where Bill Clinton got a hummer from an intern. Props to the OG. I can barely wrap my head around all the twists and turns in this story. Trump is in the Epstein files, maybe more than anyone, but Bill Clinton, is the only one who has to testify about it,

but instead of being happy about that, Trump is upset. I feel like I'm losing my mind. This whole thing, it just, it has me, I don't know. Discombobulated. Exactly. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show,

wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.