The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's News | Jon on Alex Pretti Shooting & Desi on "Melania" Doc and Ilhan Omar Attack

Episode Date: January 31, 2026

Jon Stewart dives into Alex Pretti's killing by federal agents in Minnesota, the ensuing gaslighting from the Trump administration despite clear video evidence, and the Right ignoring the Second Amendment to justify Pretti's murder. Desi Lydic weighs in on Border Patrol Commander Greg Bovino's demotion, reassignment, and replacement, while Trump officials engage in a blame game over the Minnesota violence. Plus, Desi covers the attack on Congresswoman Ilhan Omar by a vinegar-spraying assailant, Nicki Minaj's public endorsement of President Trump, and Amazon's new, bribery-tinged "Melania" documentary. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Check out Odu at O.D. o-o-o-com. That's O-D-O-O-O- dot com. This January on Paramount Plus, it began on the shores of New Jersey. Now a new pack emerges in the Great White North. Canada Shore, new original series, now streaming on Paramount Plus. You're listening to Comedy Central. For the second time in two weeks, another American has been tragically killed on the

streets of Minneapolis. Now, obviously, all the facts are not in yet. But here is, as best we can tell, the account of what happened on this terrible day. This individual who came with weapons and ammunition to stop a law enforcement operation of federal law enforcement officers. Oh. The agents attempted to disarm the individual, but he violently resisted. Oh, dear God. They must have been petrified. This individual attacked those officers, wishing to inflict harm on these officers coming, brandishing like that. Fearing for his life and the lives and safety of fellow officers, a border patrol agent fired defensive shots. Of course, they're defensive. I mean, he had to stand his ground.

This looks like a situation where an individual wanted to do maximum damage and massacre law enforcement. Committed an act of domestic terrorism. That's the facts. Whoa! Committed an act of domestic terrorism. That's the second worst kind of terrorism. Facts. That's the facts. There's really no reason to doubt them. No evidence exists to contradict.

Hold on. I'm getting a, oh, really? I'm hearing there may be some grainy, Zapruder-like footage from, I don't know, every angle imaginable that contradicts the government's versions of events. Videos of the shooting of Alex Pretti have contradicted the government's account of what happened.

All he has in his hand is a cell phone, not a gun. He's trying to help a woman who's just been pushed to the ground and pepper spray. He's trying to go help her with his hands up. They engage him, and they're dragging him back. The videos also appear to show Pretti's legal, registered firearm being removed from his person, by an officer just seconds before those shots were fired.

Wow. Well, it looks like we've got a real case of he said video totally disproves what he said. You know, this is also confusing, perhaps to help get some more clarity on what's going on. We go live to Minneapolis, where our own Jordan Klepper has been standing out. What's the latest that you're hearing? John, DHS has finally completed their analysis and now has a definitive account of what happened. Let me take you through it step by step because it paints a more complete picture. This all took place in an area where elicit activity by illegal immigrants was occurring, and terrible stuff, pedaling drugs, selling knockoff luboos, showing football games without the express written consent of the NFL.

You know, heinous shit. Now, shortly after, protesters arrived at the scene to create a barricade. That's when, as you can see here, the ICE agents arrived. I see. I'm sorry. You're telling me that, of course, me that according to DHS, those are the... The ICE agents, yes.

And contrary to all the mainstream media spin, all these ICE agents want to do is keep America safe and occasionally lick their own puckered buttholes. But before they could do their job, a gang of Soros-funded protesters arrived on the scene. As you can see, these guys were packing heat, posing an imminent threat with their girthy, leftist dongs.

This is the DHS account. I mean, first of all, it's Minnesota, it's winter. You would think they'd be wearing clothes, no? Don't be naive, John. If you got it, you flaunt it. I see. This is the moment when the armed suspect finally appeared, and shit got real. No, his, hit, John.

As you can see, the suspect left them no choice. Look, I don't even know where to begin. That doesn't, this scene doesn't match any of the video that we And that's clearly Doc Ok from Spider-Man. That's Doc Ok. John. John, I can see this isn't resonating with you. And luckily, DHS is not married to this version.

Here's another one they're pitching. What if I told you the ICE agents just do this on the side, and they're actually all K-pop stars? Well, not that. That's just the plot of K-pop demon hunters. You didn't let me finish. And they're all gay hockey players. the ICE agents.

Everybody, John. That last one's intriguing. Jordan Klepper, everybody. I think the lowest bar that a government ever has to clear in terms of earned credibility to its population is obvious reality. You just got to clear obvious reality.

I believe it's what the political philosopher Seneca referred to as, the don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining doctrine. But watch Border Patrol commander in short, Greg Bovino, who, by the way, appears to be just a new character that Trump Cinematic Universe is introduced. Where the fuck did this guy even come from?

It's his first season on the show. Anyway, this guy, Bovino, very clearly stated that the guy they killed was a terrorist attempting a massacre. I'm sure that version of events will be able to withstand even one fucking follow-up question at the presser. Questions? First question.

When did agents warn Matthew have done? Would he ever brandish that weapon of aliens? Allie, this situation, again, is evolving. This situation is under investigation. Oh, now it's an investigation. Oh, the investigation is evolving. I thought evolution was a generational thing. Not three seconds after you confuse, you accuse a guy of terrorism.

And by the way, here's a guy of terrorism. Here's what they said at the presser after just the second question. All right, no more questions. Sorry, no more questions, sir. I'm ready to take your questions and no more questions and two fucking questions. And it's too bad because I happen to have a lot of questions. Like, who's going to investigate this horrific killing by the Department of Homeland Security that the Department of Homeland Security has clearly misrepresented?

The Department of Homeland Security says they'll investigate the shooting. Oh, good luck finding the real killer, OG. We're rooting for you. And pardon me for not trusting that the administration is going to do a fair and free investigation when they are already going out on TV, moving the goalposts on why the shooting was justified, whether he was brandishing the weapon or not.

He was not protesting peacefully. He was screaming in the face of ICE. He had a phone up right into the right into ISIS's face. I mean, we all see the same thing. I mean, you shouldn't try to gaslight the administration about what happened. Somebody's on therapy talk. You, you gaslighting you?

No, I'm gasoline. You gaslighting me? Are you gaslighting me? A little bit, a little bit. We're gaslighting you? What the f? By the way, you're gaslighting you. Speaking of gaslighting,

here is Todd Blanche a day after accusing all of us of gaslighting the administration about what happened. I don't think anybody thinks that they were comparing what happened on Saturday to the legal definition of the domestic. domestic terrorism. Oh, you don't think anybody's doing that? Well, they were certainly

f***ing insinuating it. I mean, it might be hard to find someone explicitly using those exact words, but we found it. Violence against a government because of ideological reasons and for reasons to resist and perpetuate violence,

that is the definition of domestic terrorism. I mean, we're gas-liding. I think that actually might be the definition of gaslighting. Look, the administration realized pretty quickly that the public is not buying their description. So they had to make a choice.

Come clean and commit yourself to finding the truth, no matter where it may lead, or just redefine who the victims of this tragedy really were. The victim are the Border Patrol agents. I think when it comes to the ICE agents, I think you see the incredible frustration that they feel. You know, someone's screaming in your face, F you, you suck, get out of here. that's tough to take for an eight-hour day. Now look what you've done. People screaming, fuck you, eight hours a day

is basically every customer service job in this country. The national pastime of Staten Island. You're telling me trained and armed ice agents can't handle what the average geek squad member at Best Buy has to? I was upset. I'm sorry, Greg Bevino, you've got more to say? Politicians, community leaders,

and some journalists engage, in that heated rhetoric calling all enforcement names like Gestapo. Sorry. You went full Stapo? Gestapo! I thought you guys hate when people do that, the way a Latino newscaster might throw out a a Maduro. But you're out there full Gestapo?

But you're out there full, Gestapo? Like you're an extra and Jojo rabbit? Gustapo! I'm Gestapo! In America, we pronounce it. And I get that. people's language can be hyperbolic, certainly, but one thing that may not be helping your case,

Sergeant Bovino or whatever, can we get a quick fit check on this motherfucker? First of all, it is slightly terrifying to Americans that you seem to be dressing for the job you want. So if I can say, if you love the Gestapo coat, you may want to change the Gestapo hair. Because together, it's really Stapo. So if you love the coat,

keep the coat, but instead of the fasci, you might want to give yourself the garfunkel. Changes everything. Do the reverse Larry David, keep the hair, but maybe a slightly less threatening uniform. In your shit right now. We can't even, you know what, we can't even get through a snowstorm without being reminded of how badly this is going for you. The biggest threat, though, continues to be, and always really generally, is it's ice. Ice is still causing dangerous conditions. Ice breathing some treacherous conditions on the roads and on the sidewalk.

hasn't been an ice warning this severe in 12 years. When it comes to ice, all the bets are off. You need to just still be careful because ice can still be out there. Just don't mention the storm might be the result of El Nino, or it might get dragged out of the car in front of the kids. Too soon? All right, fair enough. But as all of the administration's descriptions of the events

and reasoning behind the events fell apart, the right did seem to coalesce on one aspect of the... incident. When you are bearing arms and you are confronted by law enforcement, you are raising the risk of force being used against you. You cannot bring a firearm loaded with multiple magazines to any sort of protest that you want. I don't know of any peaceful protester that shows up with a gun and ammunition rather than a sign. Don't let the left kid you with this, that this is just a normal protest. Peaceful protesters don't have nine millimeter weapons. with two extra magazines.

Are you fucking kidding me right now? Is that what the right? Are you saying that the problem was the guy had a gun? Are you saying that the guns are the problem? Is that, is everyone on the right coming together to say, carrying a legal firearm was the problem? Am I hearing things? Is that really what you're saying?

Really. Is that what you're saying? I guess that's what they're saying. Yeah, I want to hear it again. I want to hear you say it again. But this time not from some, you know, Congress. I want to hear it from a cabinet-level secretary. And it doesn't have to be a cabinet-level secretary

who deals with security or anything along those lines. Just somebody wants to jump in and comment on it. In fact, and I want this secretary to deliver this line like it's a mic drop even though, oh, is it not? He brought a gun. Have you ever gone to protest, Jonathan? I mean, we do have a second amendment in this country. Jonathan, have you ever gone to a protest?

I mean... Have you gone to a protest? I mean, I've... No, actually, as a reporter covering it... Okay, I've been to a protest. Guess what? I didn't bring a gun. I brought a billboard.

I didn't bring a huh. It was a... I brought a billboard. I brought a billboards. I brought three billboards. The protest was outside of Ebbing, Missouri. It was three billboards. I brought them off.

People don't bring billboards to f***ing protests. They call them signs. I brought a billboard. I brought a guy. I didn't bring a bang, bang. I brought a boom-brick. There is nothing that I love more than watching somebody delivered a practiced line

that they think is devastating, only to trip on their own dick. This is blowing my fucking mind. The people that brought you this guy and these guys, and these guys as fucking heroes who are brandishing their weapons are telling you

the big mistake was letting a citizen legally carry a gun. I mean, listen, I wasn't shocked when you guys gave up the First Amendment and I wasn't shocked when you gave up the Fourth Amendment and the Tenth Amendment and the 14th Amendment

at Trump's behest. But the second... Isn't that kind of the load-bearing wall? Of the don't tread on me flag? Your snakes down to a newt. Your deeply felt constitutional principles are suddenly the knight in Monty Python. Rent it. It's very good.

Come on, guys. Guns are your whole personality. Guns are your Zoom backgrounds. Your decorative lapel pins. Guns are how you show displeasure at documents. Guns are your Christmas cards. There's no human... activity that can't be made better without the pulsing heat of your armolite best friends. Of course, in Texas, we cook bacon a little different than most friends.

It is clear how much heavy lifting his beard has to do. Right, that dude, that was like, that's some weapons shit right there. The crazy thing is, the right has jettisoned the entire integrity and belief of their political worldview, the entire foundation of it for a guy who really doesn't give a fuck. You gave it all up. This is your president on this harrowing weekend of bloodshed. At 1131 a.m. this morning, he wrote on Truth Social to complain about a lawsuit and say that stopping construction of his White House ballroom, in his view, quote, would be devastating to the White House, our country, and all concerned. Just a few moments ago.

He posted again, lamenting the NFL's new kickoff format. This is who you threw it all the way for. Blood runs through the streets of Minnesota. A political party has jettisoned their entire knowledge of the founding documents. And Trump's out there like, hey, everybody, we're on. What makes this entire Minnesota adventure so maddening. Because ultimately, we as a country are not asking for too much from our government. We're just not.

We have the soft bigotry of low expectations. All we want is sane policies actually competently executed without you all being huge dicks. That's all we. Oh, no, that's not. It's not what we... We'll work on the acronym. But instead, we get bad policy execution. with extreme dickishness.

And to add insult to injury is the denial of the reality that we all witnessed. They're lying. We saw it. And that's how brazen they lie when they know we've seen the truth. That's how they lie when they know we know. Imagine how they lie when there's no evidence to contradict them. And maybe that more than anything explains why Alex

pretty really was a threat because he was brandishing a weapon, a handheld aluminum 1080p, 60 FPS weapon of mass illumination because there is nothing more dangerous to a regime predicated on lies than witnesses who capture the truth. Everyone needs help with something. If investing is your something, we get it. Cooperators' financial representatives are here to help with genuine advice that puts your needs first. We got you. For all your holistic investment and life

insurance advice needs, talk to us today. Cooperators, investing in your future, together. Mutual funds are offered through Cooperators' Financial Investment Services Inc. to Canadian residents except those in Quebec and the territories. Segregated funds are administered by cooperators' life insurance company. Life insurance is underwritten by cooperators' life insurance company. There is so much chaos in the news lately. It is truly overwhelming.

And if President Trump has you feeling exhausted and wanting to hide under a blanket, you're not alone. Marco Rubio admitting he hides from President Trump during his naps on Air Force One, even cocooning himself in a blanket to cover his head. He says he knows the president never sleeps on the plane and will prowl the hallways to see who's awake. Quote, I want him to think it's a staffer who fell asleep. I don't want him to see his Secretary of State sleeping on a couch and think,

oh, this guy is weak. Marco, Trump isn't going to think you're weak because you're napping. He's going to think you're weak because you're a pussy. I mean, come on, you don't have to cover yourself in blankets. If you want the president to ignore you, just be a jobs report. Or a middle-aged woman wearing pants. By the way, how is this guy suddenly the sleep police? He's like my laptop.

If you don't touch him for five minutes, he just shuts down. But I can see why the people in the Trump administration want to lay low and cover up right now. The whole country is outraged over their fascist cosplaying in Minneapolis. and none of them want to take the blame for it. Unfortunately for him, Border Patrol Commander Greg Bovino has become the face of the immigration crackdown and that he's the only one not hiding his face. People have been demanding his firing,

but if there's one thing we know about President Trump, it's that he has always been a loyal man to his staff and to his wives and to his mistresses, and he is not going to toss out Greg Bovino, Bovino just to cover up his own culpability. Sources telling ABC News, border patrol commander Gregory Bovino is out as part of a staffing shakeup.

The controversial commander has been reassigned to his regular job along the U.S.-Mexico border. Oh, no. Como Cés die, bye bitch. You know how badly you have to be at immigration enforcement that you get deported to Mexico? That's an embarrassing demotion by any standards. The Department of Homeland Security has been insisting this is not a demotion for Bovino. Oh, uh-huh. Okay, of course not.

We're not throwing you under the bus. We're throwing you onto a bus and sending it far, far away. But still, there seems to be some confusion here. If there's any clear, definite sign that Trump has lost his confidence in Bovino. Mr. Bovino, we just learned, has been cut off from accessing his social media accounts by the Department of Homeland Security. Oh, he's toast. This administration practically runs on shit posting, so there's no greater punishment to them

than telling someone, turn in your badge and your dank memes. I'm just kidding. They don't have badges. I can't believe that no more screen time works on both eight-year-olds and the head of a fascist death squad. Wow, technology is really powerful. Powerful stuff. So it looks like Greg Bovino is gone, not to be confused with Dan Bongino, who is also gone. There's anyone in the Trump administration named like Mike Bobino.

That guy is f***ing me. So now Trump has a problem. He needs to find a replacement for Bovino. Does anyone have an idea? And I mean, anyone. What I would do is just bring Tom Holman in it. I would love to see Tom Holman just be asked to go in there and settle things down. I would hope that maybe a fresh set eyes, Tom Holman going in there, taking control of this.

Okay. I think Brian Kilmead, might want Tom Homan. For those who don't know, Tom Homan is Trump's border czar. Seen here eyeing a paper bag filled with $50,000. This is Kilmead.

Okay, he's a Fox and Friends host. He's not a cabinet member. Just because he's spitballing ideas on camera, it doesn't mean that Trump's actually going to do exactly what he's suggesting 20 minutes later. The president just posted on truth social moments ago. He says, I am sending Tom Homan to Minnesota tonight. F*** me in the face.

They say TV is dying, There's still power in it. I mean, God, if Brian Kilmead can will something into existence, imagine what I could do. Hey, Timothy Shalameh, it's time. Shave that mustache from Marty Supreme. Yeah. Best use of my power.

But the truth is, a suggestion from couch people wouldn't have worked on its own. What worked was what the good people of Minneapolis have done with their bravery and their determination. and sacrifice. It was their unceasing resistance and banding together and bone-chilling temperatures, mind you, that kept attention on the injustice

as being committed by ice, to the point where even conservatives were pushing back. At least 30 Republicans are now demanding a full and complete and thorough investigation. Texas Governor Greg Abbott says

that it's time for the White House to recalibrate their approach. The NRA even speaking outposting responsible public voices should be awaiting a full investigation. not making generalizations and demonizing law-abiding citizens. Republican Congressman Thomas Massey posting, carrying a firearm is not a death sentence.

It's a constitutionally protected God-given right. I mean, I love that conservatives are speaking out, but carrying a gun is a God-given right? Guys, there's no guns in the Bible. Are you thinking of the novelization of the Equalizer 2? Which, to be fair, is my personal Bible. So you've got everyone from GOP Senators to the NRA criticizing how Trump is handling this, but no matter how many people abandon him, he will always, always have newsmax.

They'll defend him even if it makes them look stupid, especially if it makes them look stupid. Can I tell you something? Look at that. Take that full. In a weird way, that phone, I think, could be mistaken for a gun. I want to show you something. Does that look like a gun? I think it does a little little bit. It's a phone. It's black like most phones. That's crazy stuff. I don't disagree with you there. That is crazy stuff. If you think this couldn't be any stupider, never underestimate Greg Kelly. Oh my God, there's a guy over there. Stop! Doesn't that look like the gun? Seriously, it's just my silly phone. I can't change the screensaver. I didn't choose that one. It just popped up. I think it's like Black Lives Matter or something.

I do not support, but I can't get rid of it. See you tomorrow. Most newsmax sentence of all time. I don't know what that is, but I do not support it. It's amazing what you can get canceled for on the right. I don't support civil rights. I swear, it's a tech issue. You got to believe me.

I have to say, Greg Kelly, that entire demonstration was just embarrassing. I just, I hope Donald Trump didn't see you shit the bed that hard. Oh, few. You're good. He was sleeping. Did you know that Staples Professional can tailor a custom program to make running your business easy? With a Staples Professional account, you get one vendor, one delivery, and one invoice for all your must-haves. From tech to cleaning supplies and dedicated support from Staples experts who guide you on everything,

from product selection and ordering to payment. Join today at staplesprofessional.ca and get expert solutions to tailor. to your business. That was easy. The Trump administration is still scrambling to cover their asses after the unrest in Minnesota. And that won't be easy. Some of them have a lot of ass to cover. But this administration is ready to step up and take accountability. This morning, the blame game inside the Trump administration. You have the president of the United States blaming Christy Noam.

Noem is saying that she was just repeating what the White House told her to say that this was the narrative that Stephen Miller had come up with. Stephen Miller attempting to shift scrutiny to border patrol agents. Nome and Miller, all pointing fingers at each other. It's like a Mexican standoff for people who hate Mexicans. Clearly getting extremely ugly inside the Trump administration, and bear in mind, it started extremely ugly.

Har for the course. It all makes sense. No further explanation needed. I just want to hold up a flowchart, friend, of my understanding of the blame game. here. And is struggling financially, but this is the channel that used to talk to holograms of Will I Am, and now they're just scribbling things on a napkin. Oh, that's why Wolf Blitzer's been selling his nudes online. The Republicans are in disarray. Trump is doing exactly what you would expect him to be doing while his cabinet is falling apart, redirecting our attention to an election

that happened two years ago. We did so great in the election with Hispanic voters. We did so great with black men. We did so great with white everything. Saying all the whites, Jeremy Allen whites, Betty whites, Walter White, Snow White, white chicks, that's a tofer because it's black men dressed as white. And I'm white and I didn't vote for Trump. So does that mean I'm black? Yeah. Miss Crazen's potato salad. What's that? I was uninversation. I thought that Trump would use this rally as an opportunity to lower the temperature in Minnesota.

Well, you are stupid. They have to show that they can love our country. They have to be proud. Not like Ilhan Omar. Did you see what... Did you see that wise guy? You know, she's always talking about the Constitution, you know, provides me with the following. If Trump was going to do an impression of an African woman, it could have gone a lot worse than that.

So let's just be grateful. This is such a weird thing for him to make fun of. The president of the United States is roasting people for knowing the Constitution? This is like the president of Nike being like, oh, I'm Michael Jordan. I like playing basketball in shoes. What a fucking loser.

It's not surprising that Trump was mocking Congresswoman Omar. He's been viciously attacking her for months, her garbage, saying that she and other Somali Americans should go back to where they came from. And last night in Minnesota, after Trump's rally, someone took his verbal attacks to the next level. Overn, a chaotic scene at a Minnesota town hall. A man charged in Congresswoman Ilhan Omar moments after she took the podium using a syringe, police say, to spray her with what witnesses described as an unknown, strong-smelling liquid. New reporting that it was apple cider vinegar.

cider vinegar? What the fuck, dude? Are you trying to pickle her? Man's gonna glow and you'll never get a cold. More importantly, can we just go back to the footage and watch how fucking boss Omar's reaction is? Look at this. What happened to me, I would be terrified, but Omar was like, this is dry clean only, bitch. Now let's be clear. We don't know why exactly this man squirted Ilhan Omar. And we would not be a trustworthy, reliable source if we just speculated wildly. Anyway, here's Donald Trump speculating wildly. Speaking to ABC News, he suggested, without evidence, that the attack was somehow staged, saying, quote, I think she's a fraud, I really don't think about that. She probably had

herself sprayed knowing her. Totally, she was probably like, oh, I forgot to wear perfume. I know I'll have crazy Jeff spray me mid-speech. Now, you might be wondering how the president could react to an act of political violence this way, but it's pretty simple here. Let me just explain. Trump's brain, Trump's mouth. I take it back, these things are great. Trump didn't spend much time thinking about Congresswoman Omar

because he had something much bigger going on today. He held an event to promote his new Trump accounts, featuring a lineup of guests that includes Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank, Cheryl Hines from Curb Your Enthusiasm, Michael Dell from the computer you buy when you can't afford a Mac, and Ted Cruz from your nightmares. And then there was one truly special guest.

There's a certain person that's here, who's the greatest and most successful female rapper in history, Nikki Menaj. And I said, I'm going to let my nails grow, because I love those nails. I'm going to let those nails grow. No, no, Mr. President, don't let those nails get, near your delicate hand.

Seriously, look at this. Oh, one slip in Trump's hand is gonna start leaking like a busted waterbed. It's like a chainsaw holding hands with a Ziploc bag of chili. Things could get real messy, real quick. Now, honestly, these accounts aren't the worst idea that either Trump or Nikki has endorsed.

Basically, it's like an IRA for babies. Trump accounts will give $1,000 in federal money to every baby born between January first 2025 and the end of 2028, the money will be invested until the child can access it when they turn 18. Wow, I didn't expect this from Donald Trump. Mostly the part where he says you can't touch something until it turns 18. Investing is all about the future. So what do you think is going to happen? Bitcoin is sort of inevitable at this point. I think it would come down to precious metals. I hope we don't go cashless. I would say land.

is a safe investment. Technology companies, solar energy. Robotic pollinators might be a thing. A wrestler to face a robot, that will have to happen. So whatever you think is going to happen in the future, you can invest in it at WealthSimple. Start now at WealthSimple.com. We begin with the battle over Trump's immigration crackdown.

As the situation gets more and more out of hand, the people behind it are starting to feel the heat, and one person cannot be contained. Christy Noem and Stephen Miller are f***ing liars. Any administration that allows them to continue in office is rotten to its core. Oh, Samuel L. Schumer over here. You kiss your lobbyist with that mouth. I guess a video like that is one way to get our attention,

but I think it might be even more effective if you just cut it off a little bit earlier. Christy, Noem and Stephen Miller are fucking... Bill the tea, girl. So yeah, Schumer came in pretty. hot, but other Democrats are trying to bring down the volume just a little. What do you make of the president's full-throated support of Christie Noem? We don't have sound. I think we're muted here.

Ask it afternoon, Chris. Nailed it. I got it better myself. So let's assume that at some point, the Democrats can express themselves at a normal volume, somewhere between Zero and Lewis Black. What do they want? They are demanding three specific. specific changes and roving ice patrols across the country, an updated uniform code of conduct

and accountability for immigration enforcement, body cams on all agents, as well as proper identification and no masks. Good to see Democrats pushing for some reforms. Is this everything that needs to change about ice? No. Is it a start? Yes. Am I going to keep asking myself questions and then answering them? No, this is my last one. Can I ask one more? Fine. But let's move on to the big, exciting event that we have all been waiting for. Everyone's going. You know what I'm talking about.

The new Maltzing Time. But if you haven't seen the trailer, get ready to be blown away. Here we go again. Hi, Mr. President. Congratulations. Did you watch it? I did not, yeah. Not, yeah.

I was going to, but then I didn't. Now, when you first heard that there was going to be a documentary about Melania, you probably thought, oh, or huh, or why, or can I undo my LASIC? Zahn believed in this movie a lot, like suspiciously a lot. Bezos and Amazon are paying $40 million for a documentary on Melania Trump. The most expensive licensing fee ever paid for a documentary. Amazon paid nearly three times more than the next highest bidder. The First Lady will reportedly walk away with at least $28 million. Why would Jeff Bezos, a billionaire who has tons of business with a government run by a famously corrupt president known for loving bribes, overpay for a Melania documentary?

Hmm. Let me think. Well, that didn't help. But whatever else this is, they made a real movie. They even got director Brett Ratner, who you might know from Rush Hour or the Me Too movement. And there's a ton of money promoting it, which is why we're saying. Melania all over Fox News doing interviews. And they've been asking her fascinating questions.

How does it feel being first lady for the second time around? It's quite extraordinary. What is your favorite part of the movie when we all go to watch it this weekend? When he's doing the YMCA, how do you feel? Fostering the future AI? I mean, what haven't you done? Tell us about the future. I've always been curious.

What is your favorite time of day? Gotcha questions. What is your favorite time of day? That sounds like the conversation you have with a co-worker spouse when they show up to the holiday party before your co-worker does. So do you always eat hors d'oeuvres or? I got to go to the bathroom. I will say I don't want to put all the blame on the interviewers because Melania is not really giving them a lot to work with. I got a special score for that movie, my original score, that it's called Melania's Waltz.

And where does that original score come from? It's especially made for the movie. How wonderful. Wow, the original score for this movie was made for this movie, you say? And did they hit record when they were filming? All right, this isn't one of those interesting Timothy Shalome press tours, but that's not important.

What's important is what this movie is about. Just, what is it about? This story was never told before. So the audience will see me, how I manage my business, my philanthropy, family, preparation for the inauguration, and also establishing the East Wing for the White House. Oh, no one's told her. Is this whole movie just her talking about things that she loves that are no longer here?

Oh, my passions, decorating the East Wing, chatting with Dilbert creator Scott Adam. But whether this movie was a legitimate piece of art or a cash grab, it was a cash grab. So I'm sure everyone involved with this project is very proud of the work that they've done. Rolling Stone is reporting two-thirds of the film's New York crew asked not to be credited. You didn't want to be in the credits, but how will they know who to get the trophy to it, the FIFA Academy Award? You know that this is bad because people in Hollywood love taking credit. It is their favorite thing to do. By the way, I was the first person to do. to make that point.

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