The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's News | Jon on Trump's BS Iran Negotiations & Josh on ICE at Airports and Melania's Robot

Episode Date: March 28, 2026

As war continues, Jon Stewart weighs in on Trump's dubious claims of negotiating with a "top person" in Iran and the president's decision to deploy ICE to American airports. Josh Johnson covers the extreme wait times at the TSA that have Americans questioning what ICE is even doing to help, Trump killing a deal to fund the TSA in order to push his SAVE Act, and a disagreement between the president and Iran over whether the war is over. Plus, Melania makes a robot friend, Trump scrutinizes Markwayne Mullin's Native American background as he's sworn in as DHS secretary, and revelations surface that RFK Jr. cut the penis off a road-killed raccoon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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They're hunting us. It's time we started hunting them. I can work with that. This should be tons of fun. Marvel Television's Daredevil, Born Again, now streaming only on Disney Plus. The dizzy and chaotic carnival ride that is Donald Trump's America continues to careen down shit show hill. It's fucking madness out there.

TSA lines longer than your actual trip. Escalating threats in the Middle East. Planes, driving into trucks. The only thing giving me joy is looking forward to this season of The Bachelorette. I mean, they've got a strong morning. woman, she seems lovely. I hope that she finds... Hold on a second, I'm getting a call.

But luckily, in everything that is going wrong in our country, our intrepid leader is utterly unbothered. The world disintegrates around him largely due to his actions. Yet he still managed to spend the weekend golfing a couple of times

and partying at Mar-a-Lago. I didn't know if it was going to be a jury. You know, I really think that the less fun we're all having, the better he seems to be doing. Does he run on our misery? Does that make him stronger? Now, to be fair, that was the weekend. Obviously, today is Monday, the only day of the work week.

We're going to focus and get down to the sobering business of wrapping up this war. President Trump now arriving at Greece land for a bit of a detour on his stop. Elvis had two eighth degree black belts and karate. One was in Kent Bow and that's what this match was he really good or was it just... Actually, he was really good. He started practicing. Could I have taken him in a fight? Which Elvis are we talking about?

1950s Elvis, no. 1970s Elvis, still no. It's unbelievable how disconnected Donald Trump is from the chaos that he himself is causing the American people. But I'm glad you could have a nice time golfing and visiting Graceland while we're all freaking the fuck out. President Trump issues a deadline to open the straight of Hormuz by Monday night, or he says he'll, quote, obliterate Iranian power plants. Iran isn't blinking, saying if power plants are attacked, Iran will target the power plants of regional countries. This escalates every day with no end in sight.

The countdown ticks towards Monday night. Oh, Monday. We've got plenty of time to. Way! Trump removed the sort of Donald's Cleese that he himself had hung over our heads. The president just posting moments ago, he has now decided to, quote, postpone any at all military strikes on Iranian power plants. The president claiming the U.S. has been negotiating with Iran over the weekend, calling them in-depth, detailed and constructive conversations. Oh, well, I guess we're all going to have a little less action and a little more. Conversation.

Little less conversation. That's all we get due to budget constraints, unfortunately. But you know what? Take a step back. You know, it's a good news story. It's a sigh of relief for everybody. It's progress. And we've got to celebrate the wins, you know, in this way.

It's like our friend Punch. You remember our friend Punch. Yeah, I agree. We brought Punch up previously. Well, good news. Does Punch the monkey have a girlfriend? Punch has been spotted canoodling with a female monkey. There they are, hugging and kissing and affectionately playing with each other.

Fantastic. It's really nice. Although, um, hey, listen, girl, straight talk. I know what you're thinking, but girl, you can't fix him. Just punch, seriously. If you're watching, I am happy for you, but little advice. You're a famous guy now, and you don't want to end up splitting your fortune in half. I guess that's not quite half.

Oh, God, do I hear you're really escalating tensions in the Middle East? I must applaud the president for stepping back from the cliff of escalation and engaging Iran in productive talks. Iran has responded at state media saying there are no talks. Well, now we're in the uncomfortable position of who to believe. in this situation, I think we'd all be inclined to, in some measure, not trust the pronouncements coming from this theocratic and corrupt regime. Iran. Talking about Iran. It's not Iran. We'd be inclined not to trust Iran. So let's give our president the benefit of the doubt and just probe a little deeper. Sir, you say we're having talks with Iran.

Who did you talk to? A top person. Makes a huge difference here. Like, the guy? Some fucking guy. A little tough. They've wiped out. We've wiped out everybody. So a lower level guy to a higher echelon,

a bottom who is now atop, versatile, but not your stuffed monkey. But not the top guy. Not the Supreme Leader. No, not the Supreme Leader. But the people that seem to be running it. Friends, hey, where's our car? Oh, I gave it to the guy who seems to be the valet.

He had a jacket standing by the curb. Seemed like a top guy. And he did take the car. You think he was the top guy when you had the talks with him. Mr. Whitgoff and Mr. Kushner had them. So you didn't even talk to them. Your guys, who quite frankly, don't seem, like top guys, talk to their seemingly somewhat top guy.

Are Jared and Steve sure this is even a real person that they're talking to? Out of curiosity, did the top Iranian guy ever ask for their social security numbers? Or target gift cards? Is there top guy's name by any chance, Ali Baba Booie? Because it sounded. like bullshit. Maybe if you walk us through the details, it'll feel more real.

You said there's many points of agreement with Iran right now. Many. What, can you give us a... Many. Like 15 points. 15 points. Like 15?

Looks like the creatine is working. Meets and ferments. Seriously, like 15 or 15. Just keep going. What's the first point? Well, they're not going to have a nuclear weapon. That's number one. That's number one, two, and three.

It's Steve, this is real, but there's no way that your 15-point agreement, one, two, and three are no nuclear. First of all, that makes it a 13-point agreement, just right off the back. And there's no way you went to Iran and we're like, all right, fish, point, no nuclear weapons. And point number two, same. Point number three, C, point number two. That's what we're supposed to believe. They will never have a nuclear weapon.

They've agreed to that. Look, Donald Trump is, without a doubt, one of the most prodigious liars this country has ever produced. He's our supreme misleader. But the chaos, this very actual war is creating, is making this question even his reality-distorting powers. Let's step back into the way back machine. All the way back, I don't know, June. when Israel and the United States first bombed Iran's nuclear program. We wiped out the nuclear capability of Iran obliterated it.

It was obliterated like nobody's ever seen before. I would say it's set back permanently. That place is under rock. That place is demolished. They're never going to have nuclear. Never permanently obliterated. I'm sorry, Caitlin Collins. You have a question.

You've obliterated their nuclear sites last summer with your street. then how can you argue it was an imminent threat now? Oh, we hit them so hard, we obliterated them, but obliterated them. But that doesn't mean with the right equipment, you can't dig down and go get it. Actually, it's exactly, God damn it. It's so annoying. Here we go. To obliterate.

To destroy completely leaving nothing. There's nothing in here about. Well, we completely obliterated it unless they have shovels. By the way, nuclear question to sign, are they even opening the Strait of Hormuz? Isn't that what prompted your apocalyptic ultimatum in the first place? That'll be opened very soon if this works. How soon? And who's in the control of it?

Will Iran still be able to control the flow of oil? Be jointly controlled. By whom? Maybe me. Maybe me. Whoever the I told. Coming soon. From Skydance Paramount Brothers Amazon Comcast.

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and has already been canceled Jesus what the maybe I'll run it with the Ayatola like two bridge trolls whoever wants to take oil to sea must answer To me, these riddles three.

I hate, here's what I hate. I hate how these questions of great importance and consequence to our country, he handles with such shitty glibness. Maybe I'll run it. Aren't I a little stinker? Man, can't you just eat me up with a spoon? Meanwhile, here in America, we don't even need a war to degrade our own infrastructure. Our airports are collapsing all.

by themselves. The Fox News alert, chaos erupting at America's airport. This line in Atlanta, showing people lined up around midnight for flights leaving this morning. I've been here almost two hours. There are three and a half hours to do that. We might not make it. My flight is boarding right now.

Oh, no. You kid? That should be the left's new, don't tread on me, flag. American travelers are so stressed out. What incredibly uncontroversial American enforcement agency could we deploy to

Oh, you're way ahead of me. Audience in mass just went, I don't know. Agency could we deploy to our airports to ease passengers' journey? This morning, the Trump administration is now deploying ICE agents to help TSA officers.

We're sending in ICE agents to calm the situation. It makes perfect sense. It's kind of like the way we calm our dogs during thunderstorms with a blanket of fireworks. You're okay, Rusty.

Not to worry, our incredibly competent government knows exactly how these ice agents can help alleviate these incredibly long TSA lines, right? Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy. We have ICE agents who are trained and can provide assistance to agents. They run those same type of security machines at the southern border. Oh, great. Well, that'll be really helpful if it's true. Is it true? Guy in charge of ice?

Ice isn't trained in x-rays. And look at x-rays see if there's, you know, there's some. something dangerous, not luggage. Well, no kidding, and we're not going to be doing that. Ice isn't trained on X-rays. No surprise. They don't really seem to be trained on anything, actually. And by the way, who the fuck?

Honestly, who the fuck even thought it was a good idea to send America's most hair-trigger agency into America's most hair-raising environment? This idea was that, but ice at the airport. That was mine. What in God's name possessed you to do that? That was like the paperclip. You know the story of the paperclip? How many more years of this shit?

Go ahead. 182 years ago, a man discovered the paperclip. It was so simple. And everybody that looked at it and said, why didn't I think of that? Ice was my idea. Right now and around, they're going, are we talking to a top guy?

And then he just went off. Why did I bomb Iran? Well, do you know the story of 2000 flushes blue? Well, for centuries, people shit in regular water. And then one day a guy said, what if it was blue? And that's why I bombed Iran. It's so fucking stupid. Meanwhile, the rest of us suffer under Donald Trump's attention deficit style of government by whim.

And as America, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, you know, and, and, and, you know, and, he said, and, really the world has to helplessly navigate the turbulence that Trump causes. His administration, I shit you not this weekend, had a message for all those who are suffering. I think that given what has been done to President Trump and his family, it is impossible for either of us to understand what he has been through. We should all have a little empathy for what has been done to him and his family. I think we have to offer the President grace. He needs grace.

In fact, maybe let him live in a land of grace. Grace land. Where he can live his life out asking the important questions. Does Elvis get treated better than me? He's dead, sir. Okay. When I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice. I want to help my kids, and I want to give back to the community.

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It started about a month ago, and today President Trump spoke to the nation with some good news about the war. They did something yesterday. That was amazing, actually. They gave us a present, and the present arrived today. It was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. And I'm not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize. Wait, you got a gift from the people you are currently at war with.

When I was at school and they made us read The Odyssey, I couldn't believe the Trojans fail for that Trojan horse. And now I'm watching it happen in real time. The Secret Service is going to be like, Mr. President, please don't bring that to the Situation Room. But it's expensive. And it's ticking. I bet it's a watch.

Meanwhile, the only gift the TSA is getting is no pay. The partial government shutdown means they've gone a whole month without a check. But why do we work if not to do it for free? No. I'm sure it's not going to make a difference at the airport. Frustration is growing at many of the nation's airports, with hours-long security lines that haven't let up. Over the weekend, more than 3,400 TSA officers called out nationwide, the most since this partial government shutdown began. I've been here since nine last night. It's just mass chaos.

A damn mess. It's a mess. It's a mess for real, though. You know, water? Not a best cough cookie. A Bisk golf cookie? The cookie they give you on a plane that you then throw on the floor and step on? I think you've been in line so long. You're delirious. I've been here for hours. If only I could have something dry and crumbling in my mouth. You know, something that really goes down the throat like sandpaper and tastes like ass.

What could be worse than waiting in line for four hours? Our next guest's flight was at 10.45 p.m. And he did everything. right. He got to the Atlanta airport at least four hours early, but he says he didn't get through security until 320 the next morning. Nine hours? Someone weighed in TSA for nine hours. You may not have starred in that line as a terrorist, but after nine hours, this man waited in line for the length of a shift. That means he saw the TSA agent clock in from a distance. And right as he got to the front, they clocked out in his face. By the time I get that pat down, it better be the best

one I've ever had in my life. I'm talking full release, all right? If this is what flying is going to be like from now on, you may as well go to the airport now, just in case you ever have a flight someday. But seeing how long the lines have gotten, Trump decided he had to do something. Now, the good news is that Trump sent in people to help TSA.

The bad news is those people are ICE. And yesterday, they were sent to airports to start helping. So let's see what they've been doing. They appear to just sort of be hanging out, milling around, visiting with each other, unclear about what their mission is at the airport. Walking around the airport, some are standing around in groups talking amongst themselves. Some are walking in and out of security. They are not helping get people through the line themselves.

They've been standing next to TSA agents as people get checked in, but they're not doing the work or actually physically checking people in. You're telling me ICE agents are showing up to the airport and doing absolutely nothing? Well, then it's my honor to present the award for most improved agency. You're not doing anything, and honestly, thank God. I'm doing what you're not doing. Maybe this is the best possible scenario for ICE. Sitting them to the airport can be like an after-school program for them, you know?

I know they're just standing around, but it's keeping them off the streets. Look, it was always obvious that sending ice into the airports wasn't going to help. The problem is that TSA workers aren't getting paid. So they're quitting and calling out sick. Having other random federal agencies still not being TSA isn't going to fix that. We would also bring out, if we don't have enough, we will bring out the National Guard where we need it to help out at the airports. No, stop sending more agencies.

You're not going to make the security line shorter. You're just going to make the Starbucks line longer. What are you going to send in next? Space Force? IRS? RFK Jr.? I can't scan your suitcase. But you can watch me do push-ups and jeans.

Can I smell your neck? Clearly, Trump isn't helping. But the question is, who is to blame for the shutdown in the first place? Well, according to a story from Republican Congressman Andy Barr, that definitely happened. It's the Democrats. I was going through TSA the other day, Maria, and a patriotic, wonderful TSA supervisory officer

stopped me, and she told me that she had missed her second paycheck. And I said, I'm so sorry, that's so wrong that you missed your second paycheck. And she said, why are you apologizing? You voted for my paycheck. You voted repeatedly. Republicans have voted repeatedly for a paycheck. It's the Democrats who need to apologize to me. And then she said to me, you're an American hero.

Andy. Come use the special line we reserved for the most handsome of men. And I did. And as I was collecting my luggage, she said, Andy, I love you, Andy. And we started to kiss

and she was very attractive and we got to know each other. Then she had my baby. And then she said, you ought to take care of this baby, Andy. You're too important. plus you have a flight to catch.

Go save the country from the Democrats who again are bad and evil and not as hot as you, Andy. Thank you. But while Andy Barr's fan fiction about this TSA adventure is obviously bullshit, it's more important to note that the underlying point he was making

is also bullshit. Because even Senate Republicans admit this whole thing could have been over by now if not for one man. Senator Cruz and I came up with a plan. Senator Foon submitted that to President Trump, as is his right. He said no. No deals with the Democrats.

We could have had TSA paid by the end of the week, but the president said no deal. Donald Trump, Donald Trump said no deal? The dealmaker himself said no deal? So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You'll take gifts from a country we're at war with, but you won't make a deal. But you won't make a deal with the Democrats to keep the government running. What if they offered you something really expensive?

Donald, what is it that you want? What's so important that you'll keep us all waiting in security lines for a fortnight? The most important thing we can have is what's called the Save America Act. Don't make any deal on anything unless you include voter ID and you have to be a citizen to vote.

Mail-in voting means mail-in cheating. call it mail-in cheating. No, no. That's right. Trump does not believe in mail-in cheating, all right? If you want to cheat, you do it in person, okay? But hey, Trump is standing on principle. The man thinks voting by mail is an existential threat to democracy, full stop, period.

President Donald Trump cast a mail-in ballot in an upcoming Florida special election. Semi-colon. Asterisk, dollar sign, number four, exclamation point. That's me cursing because Trump lies all the time. So yes, you're going to have to wait in line at TSA like it's a sneaker drop because voting. It's the kind of logical connection that makes perfect sense if your brains are made a bisque off. At Desjardin, our business is helping yours. We are here to support your business through every stage of growth, from your first pitch to your first acquisition.

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Inline skates were everywhere. And two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when West Jet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Iran is everywhere. It comes up in financial news because of its effect on oil.

It comes up in celebrity news like when Chaparone's bodyguard made the Ayatollah cry because he looked at her. And now the war is even creeping its way into the weather. Our eyes right now, weather-wise, are in the Middle East because they have an unusual system that's developing, going to be bringing heavy rain, possible tornadoes. They could be looking at some haboobs developing there. Excuse me, Al, what did you just say? Habobs? Habobs are developing?

A professional, all right? Call them by their scientific name, hubrestuses. Am I the only one who doesn't know what he's talking about? And that's your latest weather. To me, Claire, I just learned something new. What exactly is a haboob? Thank you, Craig Melvin. very brave to admit on live TV

that you've never seen a haboob let alone felt one I'm right there with you brother all right so what is it it is a massive dust storm if you remember Mission Impossible Tom Cruise running running after that storm

ahead of that storm that's a haboob see now I get what you're talking about I would understand the news a lot more if they told me what Tom Cruise movie it pertains to it them on the news like, what America is doing here is like an impossible mission, like Tom Cruise in the movie Magnolia. So now we all understand, Habib means sandstorm, so you can keep your minds out of the gutter.

And just so you know, after the Haboob, there will be a bucocci of rain coming here. These are all weather terms. But, okay, aside from this dust storm developing into a voluptuous woman, how's the war going? President Trump in the Oval Office yesterday said he's already won the war. Well, I think we're going to end it. I can't tell you for sure. You know, I don't like to say this. We've won this.

This war has been won. You don't like to say you won a war? Isn't that why you fight a war? Be proud of yourself, Mr. President. You ended another war. And this is the one that you started. That's like double points, you know? But you heard the man, we won this war.

I bet Iran's begging for a ceasefire right now. Breaking news, Iran's state-backed media now says Tehran will not accept a ceasefire. Iranian officials quote is that Iran will end the war when it decides to do so and when its own conditions are met. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't end the war. We ended the war, all right? You're trying to start another war?

Because I'll fight you and then I'll stop fighting you when I feel like it. because the war is over. You heard the president, we won. We're bringing the troops home. More than a thousand additional troops from the 82nd Airborne Division are heading to the Middle East. They'll be joining thousands more,

Marines, sailors, and other American troops already on their way. Oh, shit. We're sending more troops? That doesn't sound like the war is over. This is very confusing. Should I or shouldn't I go to Times Square my sailor outfit

to kiss random women? Mr. President, I thought we won. We've won. Let me say we've won. Of course we won. Those troops are obviously going there to help set up for the victory party, you know? You ever try to set up a bouncy castle with just a thousand troops? Now, that's an impossible mission, like Tom Cruise and Jerry McGuire. And besides, 1,000 troops isn't even that many.

It's actually the lowest thousands of troops you can have. If this war was really ramping up, the Army would need a lot more people than that. You know, they'd probably be trying to get new recruits. The U.S. Army making some changes to try and draw more recruits. The Army just increased the maximum enlistment age to 42. That's up from 35. Oh, shit. We're letting 42-year-old sign up for the military now?

They're going to have to change the name from Operation Epic Fury to Operation why is my back hurt? I must have slept on it funny. Because the likelihood of a 42-year-old being great at war is like any person being great with nunchucks. Some people will be good, but most are going to hurt themselves immediately.

Bruce Lee? Incredible. My uncle? Concussion. Are we sure we won? It's not even a little close? It's not a close battle. They're totally defeated. I don't know what it is about you saying it a third time, but I believe you, all right? We got to be winning this war. You wouldn't lie nonstop.

You're the president. Look, according to People Magazine and apparently the U.S. military, 42 is the new 35, right? And that's probably all the soldiers we're going to need anyway. Defense Secretary Pete Heggseth announced an extension to bring back service members who refused the COVID-19 vaccine. We're extending this to make sure anybody that wants to take a state. advantage of it, has additional time to take advantage of it. Maybe you were waiting to see whether we meant it or not.

We do. Oh, shit. That doesn't sound good. When the Secretary of Defense is telling you, I know you didn't want to take the COVID shot, but what about getting gunshot? So you gave people a deadline to re-enlist and they

didn't take it, and now you're still extending the deadline to get them back. You were not the one with power. I've been through this entire thing, before. My ex left me, and I told her she'd be back in a week. And sure enough, a year later, I got a wedding invitation. So just to recap, the military is now trying to recruit middle-aged people and anti-vaxxers who don't even want to come back.

As long as they're not trying to bring in anybody else, maybe we're winning this war. The Army also changing some regulations to let people enlist without a waiver if they have a single for possession of marijuana or drug paraphernalia. F-h-h-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-A-K. Okay, this is bad. This is bad. We've been at war a month, and you're already down to stoners. This is like that Harold and Kumar movie,

Mission Impossible for, Ghost Protocol. We must be desperate because I've never seen a pothead take a puff and then be like, I want to fuck somebody up. I wouldn't even trust a stoner with any mission unless that mission is, you need to locate the Iatollah and tell him Tell him the greatest movie ever is interstellar.

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Visit Ixl.com forward slash today to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Let's kick things off with Homeland Security, which used to be led by Christy Noem until she was asked to hand in her gun, her badge, and her keys to her f*** plane. Even though Noam is gone, we're still finding out more about her time at DHS, including the $20,000 she spent on a horse rental for a TV ad, which is crazy. don't even use money. What do they need

20 grand for? But now she's gone, and this week, President Trump officially swore in Holmes replacement, Oklahoma Senator, and most Oklahoma-sounding man, Mark Wayne Mullen. Let's see how it went. It's the only Native American. I didn't know that,

huh? Let me look at you. Well, I think that's all right. Let me look at you? let me look at you. Feels like racist T-ball. Like, stay right there. Be still. I'm about to knock this out of the park.

I mean, maybe Trump was just excited because he thinks Mark Wayne might be one of the village people. But here's something I notice. He spent all that time talking about Mark Wayne being the only Native American senator, and not once did he make an Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas joke. That never would have happened five years ago,

means he's either getting less racist or he has dementia. He definitely has dementia. But let's move on to Dr. Oz, Trump's head of Medicare and Medicaid, and guy at the urinal next to you saying your pee should be clearer. He just came out with an important message about your health. He's on the move. Let's go, Chris. Diane just join me.

I love walking. It's a whole special joy. It makes you think a little clearer. Get outside a little bit. get your heart pumping. Turns out if you can walk just 20 minutes a day, because save our country $100 billion in reduced health expenditures. That's why it's so important to create a little flash mob.

Let's go, team. This is what happens when you try to do one of those Jennifer Hudson's spirit tunnels, but you only have white people. One exercises to improve the government's finances. Imagine if your Peloton instructor was like, okay, five more minutes and Cash Patel can fly private to Burning Man. But are we really advertised? walking? Isn't that like a basic

biological activity? What's the next video in this series? Hi, I'm Dr. Oz. Have you tried shitting in a toilet? It could save us billions. But at least Dr. Oz is an actual doctor. You can't say the same for R.FK. Jr. He's our health secretary and also the man that looks like last year's Halloween pumpkin you forgot

to throw out. If you questioned his judgment after those stories came out about him taking home dead whales and dead bears, I have great news. There's a new animal you can add to the list. The New York Post reports that in a 2001 diary entry, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. wrote about cutting off the penis of a road-killed raccoon while his kids waited patiently in the car so that he could examine it later. What is wrong?

Raccoon's penis and saved it for later like some kind of raccoon dick pushpop. And I know he put it right in his jeans pocket, too. Didn't even wrap it in a tissue or anything. Every time I hear about one of these RFK stories, they always mentioned that his kids were waiting patiently. Which means RFK just doesn't know the difference between patience and horror. I'm sure all the hostages in a bank robbery are waiting patiently to go home. It must have been so traumatic for his kids. Any car trip with him could turn into a roadkill excursion at any moment.

When he asks his kids if they want to go run errands with them, they must be like, can't you just beat us? Use an extension cord like a regular dad. Regardless, you will never, and I mean never, beat R.F.K., Jr. in a game of Never Have I Ever. You'd be sitting with them like, Never Have I Ever Eating a Raccoons? I did it. I didn't even say what part yet. Does it matter?

But let's move on to Donald Trump's third and definitely, probably final wife, Melania. She doesn't spend a lot of time with her husband these days, but don't worry. I'm sure she's doing normal, traditional first lady things. Humanoid robot, figure three, made its debut at the White House on Wednesday. As part of First Lady Melania Trump's Fostering the Future Together Summit. Wow. I don't know if he's been eating better, but Donald Trump looks great.

I know this is supposed to be for some kind of technology event, but look at this video. She's walking out with that robot like. they just got married. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Wally. I like how Melania is flexing on that robot with her walk.

Like, she's got a whole runway walk going while that robot is just doing the Biden shuffle. But anyway, after that weird entrance, it was time to get down to business. So Melania, let the robot approach the table and take a seat so they could... Wait, robot. Where are you going?

robots. Secrets are in that room. But the robot eventually found its way back to the front of the room, and it was time to see what this terminator had to say. Thank you, First Lady Melania Trump for inviting me to the White House. Oh, damn. That robot's a lady.

I think that's pretty cool, but I'm sure Siri's pissed. You gave her legs? She just got here. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show. wherever you get your podcasts.

Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. This time of year, the school calendar really starts to fill up. Spring activities, testing season, and that final push toward the end of the year. It's a great moment for kids to stay focused and build confidence in what they're learning. That's where IXL comes in. IXL is an award-winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand their school.

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