The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's News | Jon Stewart on Trump's Alternate Reality & Michael Kosta on Mamdani's "Penghazi"

Episode Date: September 12, 2026

Catch up on the latest headlines with The Daily Show News Team. Jon Stewart examines how Trump's presidential delusions have him escalating his trade war with Canada, renaming Lake Ontario "Lake America," and denying the rising cost of living for the average citizen. Michael Kosta weighs in on the GOP skipping Trump's midterm convention in Dallas, the right-wing backlash over Mayor Mamdani commemorating the 25th anniversary of 9/11, and the president's midterm promise of a $5,000 "dividend" for Americans if Republicans win. -- The Daily Show airs weeknights at 11/10c on Comedy Central. Stream full episodes on Paramount+ Follow TDS: YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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more at Cadillac Canada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle total registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. You're listening to Comedy Central. I am re-energized. We've been gone for the month. For the entire month of August. I assume the same for yourselves.

Now that we are all as a country synced up on the French calendar, we all took the month off. Because I think we learned from experience. August is a dead zone. Do we go on vacation? The news ticker slows to a crawl. Just a series of black bear and swimming pool videos. So I checked down, rejuvenated.

Just out of a kind of morbid curiosity, did I miss anything at all? President Trump rolling back decades of childhood vaccine guidance, threatening to demolish the Kennedy Center. Trump's attack on mail-in voting suggesting that he'll take over the midterm elections. President Trump siding with North Korea. Crisis at sea aboard the USS Lincoln. Conditions so bad, there are reports of sailors attempting to jump overboard. Trump threatening to wipe out Iran, threatened to bomb Oman.

a U.S. Allied saying that he was going to use the U.S. military against the bond market? I love that we thought I needed a beard to look old again. Oh no. It never ends with this dude, Trump. I've never seen one person work so much and fix. It's exhausting in a way that's difficult to articulate, which is why one of the stories from this past August did resonate with me so much more deeply. And that's the plight of the USS Lincoln.

5,000 U.S. sailors and Marines serving on the USS Lincoln, stepping on dry land for the first time in more than nine months. The once gleaming aircraft carrier docking in Thailand after 286 days at sea, covered in rust after a record-setting deployment. Do you see it? Do you see? Let's do the before. Let's do the after. Do you see the metaphor? This ship. A symbol of American might, ingenuity, technical know-how, patriotic determination laid low by prolonged exposure to relentless, corrosive elements, reckless mismanagement. This ship, do you see? It's not the USS Lincoln.

It's not. It's just U.S. It's just, it's us. We're the ship. This is what we look like. as Americans inside after 18 months of this presidency

born and by the way we don't get the one week Thai sex trip to try and paper it all over we just have to suck it up I want you to look at the picture of this rusted look at it

don't look away I want you to think about the visible tangible actual indisputable, factual signs of corrosion on this ship. This is the president discussing it. People on the Lincoln, they say it's beautifully maintained and beautifully taken care of. It's not. It is obviously not.

Shul Abraham Lincoln is in better shape than its ship. A beautifully maintained, beautifully taken care of ship doesn't look like the abandoned bridge near my high school where we used to smoke weed. It doesn't. And it's this. The relentless denial of reality that is just one of the elements eating away at the foundational load-bearing structures

that hold this country together. Us. And the other corrosive element by God, the other? The memes. Overnight, the trade war with Canada continuing to escalate. President Trump posting a hockey cartoon mocking Canadian.

Prime Minister Mark Carney as governor. I can't believe AI has gotten so advanced. It can fit Trump's ankles into ice gates. That's not real. We're in a full-blown trade war with Canada. Real consequences. Here's what they're hearing from their leader. In the face of unjustified, unprovoked terrorists

from the United States, we're stepping up. When we're united, there's nothing the Canadian workers can't do. What we're getting. So Lake Ontario, that's gone, Lake America. Thank you very much, everybody. Enjoy Lake America. You don't settle complicated international agreements by writing just a new name on the map

and expecting everyone to just follow along. Google Maps is complying with President Trump's executive order renaming Lake Ontario to Lake America. That is our second largest trading partner. 60% of our oil imports come from Canada. Half of our timber. We get parts for cars and plane, not to mention 100% of our Carly Ray's Jepson.

Why would we be trolling them? Is that the plan to troll them into submission? Treasury Secretary Scott Bassin, surely you have a more substantive understanding of the Canada-United States dynamic? How do you see all of this playing out? Well, you know, Laura, the I had a German Shepherd, and there was a toxin that used to antagonize her at the point,

at the playground. Ah, yes, the playground. As dog people famously refer to the place they take their dogs to play. Yes, my shepherd friend and I were enjoying a sphere retrieval session at the playground. You know dogs are truly one of man's closest associates. But carry on with your trenchant completely real story. And this little yippie dog, they used to just bark away. And, you know, for a long time, 110-pound German Shepherd was ignoring the doxen.

And then one day she'd had enough. And, unfortunately, Prime Minister Carney did walk away. Is it weird that the Treasury Secretary is at some sort of German-only dog playground? the German. Sorry, Germany. You brought these jokes back yourself. But seriously, who is the United States in this analogy anyway? Are we the doxend? Are we the shepherd? Did Canada walk away from the deal? Were we the ones who blew up the deal with last-minute stuff? I spoke to President Trump over the weekend after the breakdown in negotiations with Canada. He did not dispute that the U.S. added conditions late in the talks. He said, quote,

that sounds like me, end quote. Sounds like me? That sounds like me? It sounds like me. It just happened. This isn't some story from the frat days where you're like, woke up in a pool of my own vomit

in a trade war with Canada. Yeah, I guess that sounds like me. But I'm married now, settled down. But in those days, man, me and the boys sure could derail in negotiation. Can you just feel the metal buckling on our starpled side? But with the trade ward now here, the news media has been quick to jump in and explain what's at stake.

Americans are now facing higher prices. Some examples. Milk, honey, smartphones, liquor, and even wigs and fake beards. Oh, beardy, I'll never let them take you. But hey man, Canada, it's about time you learned a lesson, Canada. That's right. Don't f*** around and yet still have to find out for some reason. And if you think Canada got raped over the calls, Steve Whitkoff and Jared Kushner headed to Russia to let Vladimir Putin know what we thought of their war of aggression in Ukraine. Yeah, who's the Doxon in that room?

So, first of all, President Putin, thank you so much for having us. We were sitting outside just now, me, Jared, and Carol, and then Yuri joined us, and we were all talking about when we retire, we'll have all these incredible stories and incredible memories and yours will be right at the top of it all.

Jared and I just want to thank you. This has been the best semester abroad. The best semester abroad, Jared and I could have ever asked for... And by the way, what the fuck's going on with Jared? It looks like he pre-poisoned himself. You really tell he lives in Miami full time now. They're negotiating with him.

Why can't Trump just fucking get out the old one-two, you know? Why can't you just look at that and go like, oh, you know, we should do just, here's what we'll do. And we'll call it Lovestan. Oh, there we go. It's all fixed. You see in this shit, Google? That the naysayers out there are all going to go, oh, oh, but that thing you drew, John, that's not real.

It's not real. But isn't that the trick? Isn't that the whole game that's keeping this incompetent ship of fools of an administration afloat? You've been filling up your tank these past six months. probably feeling like gas prices are high. Well, jokes on you! How much longer will Americans continue to see these high gas prices? Well, they're not very high.

They're actually gas-liding us. And you may say, oh, oh, but you know what? Even Trump can only stave off reality for so long that the cumulative effects of high prices and punitive and chaotic tariffs and reckless wars and narcissistic self-aggrandizement will take an inevitable toll that cannot be.

denied. And yet, and yet, that's well maintained. Every presidency in a second term, his poll numbers usually start to decline, and he starts to weaken. And that's happening to you. No, it's not. Fake polls. I have great poll numbers. You have great poll numbers. Sure, presidential polls are scored on a scale of 1 to 30, right? At 32, you're killing it. And by the way, Where does Trump get the idea that his policies are having a positive impact? I have people coming up to me that have 401ks. They said, you know, I was a disaster. My family wouldn't talk to me.

They thought I was a total loser. And now I'm like, the one guy said, I feel like Warren Buffett. Oh, I see. Trump gets it from fictional interactions, from people whose families had cut them off because of portfolio performance issues. I went no contact with my parents because the underperforming index funds. Toxic. And you may say that you don't know that these interactions didn't happen.

Oh, but we do, friends, we do. We know, by the way, Trump describes the interactions. Every day I come to the White House, people are thanking me. Thank you, sir. Thank you. Thank you, sir. You don't come to the White House. You live there.

You don't come to the White House every day. commute is stairs. And anybody you run into works there. But I'll let you continue describing the regular folk you run into on your way to work. No, these young, beautiful girls, these young, beautiful girls,

these young beautiful girls in the White House. What's with the three times? You trying to beetle juice this shit? Tell us again. What do all the young, beautiful girls that you run into on your commute to the White House from the White House. What do they tell you? These gorgeous, beautiful girls, they want to be safe and they come, Mr. President, may I speak to

to you? Yes. Thank you, thank you. I said, why are you thinking? Because a year and a half ago, I was afraid to leave, I was afraid to open the door of my apartment. And now I walk to the White House every morning and I have absolutely enough here. Thank you, sir. Well, that is true. It was pretty chaotic around the White House a while back. I do remember that. But Trump cleaned all that up. It's a crime.

Let's say. Back in other city. Look, there is a part of me, I have to say, that thinks fighting his reality distortion field is slowly killing us all, is rusting us out from the inside, like that poor battleship. Maybe living in it is better. Maybe it's just better to be the guy in the Matrix going, I don't know, blue pill's not so bad. reality has stake, not one. But I know too much.

How do I even get there? Who would even give me the blue pill? She's one of President Trump's closest aides, Natalie Harp. Harp's nickname is the human printer because she follows the president everywhere, with a laptop and printer feeding him a steady stream of positive news stories. Yes, Donald Trump has an individual whose whole job is to reinforce his warped reality. And if you think you might go into that field, and we're wondering what kind of qualifications

you might need, buckle up. An aide so devoted that she sprints alongside his golf cart when he's out on the links. She once jumped in the trunk of an SUV to ensure she would be able to be with the president for a court appearance when they're worn enough seats in the motorcade. Reportedly slept in the Bedminster Women's Locker Room

to be closer to Trump, who wrote him letters that can only be described as love letters. Quote, I never want to bring you anything but joy. For the sake of my own sanity, I'm going to pretend that's referring to the dishwashing liquid. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system. This city demands agility, and Optic delivers with precision, to make every drive extraordinary.

Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at Cadillac Canada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility, Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. Do you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad? I get it.

I'm Siaia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem. Let's start with the big event that finally kicked off tonight.

Fans from across the country filled the stands to cheer on big, sweaty men with brain problems at Trump's Midterm Convention in Dallas. We'll have more coverage tomorrow so you don't want to miss it. Everyone's going to be there, and I mean everyone. Are you going to the Midterm Convention? No, I'm going to be in my district. Okay, okay, fine, okay, fine. That guy's not going to be there, but everyone else is going.

Are you planning to go to the Republican convention next week? I'm planning to be in my district. I have to be in the district because I have events. I'll be in the district traveling across the district. Damn it. Does everyone have a district nowadays? Okay, fine, they're out too, but it's not like everyone's campaigning. At least the rest of the GOP can go.

I want to get there, but I've got a few things that my son's. playing high school football, and I promised him I would not miss any of his games. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, a classic midweek high school football game. That's why they call it Wednesday night lights, baby. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't go. Okay, that guy's out, but everyone else... My son's getting married in Greece. Congratulations.

Destination Wayne, so I have a good excuse, right? Look. Son, I need you to get married in Greece this week. I know you don't love her, but this is important. But don't worry. Everyone else is going that didn't have stuff planned. I had stuff already planned in my congressional district. I didn't know stuff was a political term.

I thought it was just what I told my wife what I was doing when I drink alone in the garage. But look, it's not like they're all just trying to avoid Trump, like the plague, because these excuses are valid. House Appropriations Chair Tom Cole says he has as a can't miss dove hunting event. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

You can't miss dove hunting. Eat lead, symbol of peace. So a lot of the people aren't showing up to the convention. But don't worry. Mitch McConnell, he's already there. His office just posted a photo and he's looking better than ever.

That's proof. But the midterm convention isn't the only big event happening this week. Hey, tell him what else is going on, JD. 9-11. We're about to celebrate the 25th year. Yeah, okay, well, we're not going to celebrate it, J.D. Happy 9-11, everyone.

I brought Rice Krispy Towers. J.D. Vant sounds like me when there's a Jewish holiday coming up. Happy Yom Kippur. Is this a happy one? I don't... Okay, so we're not going to celebrate 9-11, but we are going to commemorate 9-11. And one thing I always think about is how in the days after the attacks,

President Bush made a day. genuine effort to defend Islam. These acts and violence against innocence violate the fundamental tenets of the Islamic faith. And it's important for my fellow Americans to understand that. Islam is peace. Boy, we really didn't know how good we had it, did we? I'm not saying this man was perfect, but that was a full, coherent, non-racist sentence. Hindsight, huh?

The point is, back in 2001, President Bush was imploring the country not to lump all Muslims in with the terrorists who committed 9-11. So now it's 25 years later. Hey, how's that going? An online petition is calling for New York City Mayor Mamdani to skip this Friday's 9-11 memorial ceremony.

Why don't you go visit one of the mosques you support? It is now racist to be wary of a religion that calls for the killing of anyone that doesn't subscribe to. It doesn't feel very racist to be Islamophobic. Seems kind of sensible. All of the Muslims he supports are murderers. Okay, I guess some of you guys might have missed the Bush speech. So yeah, it sure seems like people are mad that the mayor of New York is going to attend

a 9-11 Memorial while being Muslim. And Mamdani can't be happy about that, but he's staying above the fray. Just last week, he signed a proclamation declaring September 11th. a citywide day of remembrance. It's the kind of solemn, serious ceremony that I'm sure his critics will be happy about, right? Right? It is being called a slap in the face

to the families of 9-11 victims. He handed a ceremonial pen to his, at first his one staff, and then he puts it in the hands of Ramsey Kasim. All right, well, so much for that. And also, wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you complaining about? Who is Ramsey Kasim?

I mean, from his name, I can guess what you think is wrong with him, but I'm going to let you say it. We know he's Mom Dhani's Chief Counsel. That's fine. But he once represented a convicted Al-Qaeda member whose brother-in-law hijacked the plane that struck the Pentagon. Ah, okay. So apparently the mayor shouldn't come to ground zero

because his lawyer's former clients' brother-in-law was, one of the hijackers, and then that guy was in a movie with Kevin Bacon. First of all, I don't like the implication that I can be held responsible for the actions of my brother-in-law, okay? I mean, he married my sister. Yuck! But secondly, just because a lawyer represents someone doesn't mean they support their actions. John Adams defended the redcoats accused in the Boston Massacre because he believed everyone had the right to legal counsel. And yeah, that's right. I stayed awake for the... the first eight minutes of the Paul Giamatti miniseries, so suck it.

So fine. Maybe you don't like that this guy's in Mom Donnie's administration, but why do you care that he gave him a pen? Everything that the mayor does is very scripted, and he is giving subliminal messages. This is things that he are doing intentionally. He's spitting in the face of victims and survivors of 9-11. I'm telling you, this was symbolism. It was cryptic, but it was a message.

Seriously? He gave a pen to everyone. It's not like when he passed it to Ramsey Kossum, he went, but okay, if he really is sending a message, who is he sending the message to? I hate to even say this, Laura, but you know, it's a message to Osama bin Laden that, look, we conquered New York.

A message to Osama bin Laden. Lady, guess what? I have some great news for you. United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden. Look, I know nothing I say is going to convince the Mamdani haters, but if you ask me, the idea that 9-11 is about Muslims versus America isn't just wrong. It's accepting Osama bin Laden's vision of the world.

And the fact that 25 years after 9-11, we have a New York-grown Muslim mayor leading our remembrance proves to the world that al-Qaeda didn't win. New York won. Everyone is welcome at the 9-11 ceremony. And look, I would be there. But unfortunately, I'm going dove-hunting. Where some see heroes and others see egos.

Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. A fad to some, the future of money to others. We see crypto's trillion-dollar swings. the end of jobs or the end of human struggle. We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. When Westchap first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different.

People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us

at westjet.com slash 30 years. We're less than two months away from the midterms, which means you've got just under 60 days to find out who your representative is and what Congress does. Republicans are laser-focused on keeping their majority in Congress.

How's it looking? Democrats are leading in most of this November's key, U.S. Senate races. The likelihood that Democrats actually flip the house, It is approaching 70%. Republicans are facing many challenges, including high gas prices, and the president's growing unpopularity,

with 64% in a new NBC news poll saying they disapprove of his job performance. Americans are so unforgiving. You know, you lose one war, you blow up one economy, you give people one explosive diarrhea. Get over it. At this point, the only people Trump is polling well with is the company that makes the number five that goes on gas station price boards. Business is through the roof.

But seriously, these polls are bad. Bad news for the GOP, which is probably why they're trying something new this year. Their first ever midterm convention in the country's most exciting city, Dallas. The stakes are high, so Republicans need to go big. Dallas. Sir, that's not what they meant when they said Trump loves giant knockers. Fun fact, that's a normal size gavel. He's just a very small man.

All jokes aside, fellas, remember, it's not the size of the gavel that matters. It's the size of your penis. Once they got the comically large gavel out of the way, they brought out Senator Tim Scott, who wanted to make his stage time count. Hello! This midterm, we face the most dangerous, radical, and frankly, weird Democrat candidates. In American history. Here in Texas, you got James Tala Rico?

To be American. We're talking about jeez. Does this guy have... He can do preacher on cocaine. He can do wrestler on cocaine. He can do stand-up comedian who's on his normal amount of cocaine. This is a level of energy

that can only be described as my six-year-old two minutes before bedtime every single night. Honey, go to bed. The Lord does not want me to sleep. Geez. And now let's keep this high-octane party going with the always electric Texas Senate candidate, Ken Paxton. Ken, it's one of the biggest races in the country. You show America what you've got.

I will fight to preserve the American dream. James Tolerico is running to destroy it. He is a Democratic socialist who never met a tax increase he didn't love. California already has two senators. It doesn't need a third. Said God is non-binary. I must have missed that verse in the Bible. Anyone laugh.

Are they really running this charisma, black hole in one of the most important Senate races in the country? President Trump, you endorse this guy, so you have to sell us on him. He may not dress right. He may not talk exactly perfectly, and he may not be the best-looking guy I've ever seen.

Don't let Donald Trump be your wingman. Hey, my broke dickless friend across the bar. He thinks you're cute. Also, he smells bad. You want to go home with him? But you know what? Trump doesn't need Ken Paxton to keep the House in the Senate. He has a secret weapon, and it's called a bribe.

Because we've done so well, and because our country is making so much money, if the Republicans win the House of Representatives and the United States Senate, I will issue a dividend to every adult citizen in the United States of America for $5,000.

Holy shit, $5,000. $5,000, that's two trips to the grocery store. Or one if you buy raspberries. I like how Trump calls this a dividend. Do you know when businesses hand out dividends when they're raking in money? The last time I checked, we, as a country, have negative $40 trillion dollars

of money. America should not be handing out dividends. We should be faking our own death and starting a new life in Thailand. But look, you do have to acknowledge the political appeal of a promise like this. I mean, we can all think of something we'd love to do with $5,000. Me personally,

I would donate it to abandoned children. I feel bad about abandoning them, so it's the least that I could do. So I don't know how well this will go over with Democrats or deficit hawks, but I'm sure Trump's supporters are ecstatic. $5,000 promises to all Americans

if the Republicans keep the House and Senate. Not bad. I'm not sure that's okay, but I think it's kind of fun. Yeah, and you know what? That's what being president's all about having fun. Even Brian Kilmead didn't know what to make of this. I'm not

sure that's okay, but I think it sounds kind of fun. He sounds like Trump just asked him to throw rocks off the overpass. But unlike Kilmead, I'm not conflicted at all. I'm excited to get this money. And Trump said we're going to, so it's definitely going to happen. Now, he has made similar offers before that went nowhere.

A $2,000 tariff rebate check and the $5,000 doge dividend. Neither of those ended up happening. Okay. Okay, but you know how sometimes you live on Maple Street, but your mail goes to Maple Drive? Well, maybe that just happened to every single person in America. So, yes, this is just the latest in a cycle of Trump's behavior with the American people. He promises a huge payout, that never happens.

And then he promises an even bigger payout, and then that never happens. And this spiral is exhausting, poisonous, and it makes you question the very health of our democracy. And look, I'm not sure that's okay, but it is kind of fun. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad?

I get it. I'm Siaiaia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem.

Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. A fad to some, the future of money to others. We see crypto's trillion-dollar swings. The end of jobs or the end of human struggle. We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com.

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