The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's News | Jon Stewart on Trump's Negotiating Game & Michael Kosta on the White House UFC Ring

Episode Date: June 6, 2026

Get caught up on all the headlines with The Daily Show team and This Week's News. Jon Stewart examines the president's dismal track record as a negotiator with Iran despite being a self-styled "negotiator-in-chief." Michael Kosta weighs in on Trump's recent losing streak, Ivanka and Jared Kushner buying a private island, Benjamin Netanyahu getting a taste of mean-girl Trump, and results from recent primaries in New Jersey and California. Plus, Kosta comments on the possibility of Trump being the face of America's new $250 bill and a January 6er getting hired for a counterterrorism job at the Pentagon. -- The Daily Show airs weeknights at 11/10c on Comedy Central. Stream full episodes on Paramount+ Follow TDS: YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Apply today at careers.timhorins.ca. You're listening to Comedy Central. Did you see that? Did anyone see that there's a fucking gust of wind? I said the Knicks are in the finals, and without touching it, the script went, by the way, that's the good news. Nixon in the final.

The bad news, Victor Wembeñama is still growing. As of this morning, he is up to 14.5 feet. If this series goes to seven games, oh, I just don't know. But I actually love it. He's an unbelievable player. He's incredibly interesting. He's very likable. And I do hope that at some point in his NBA career, he wins a championship.

I need good news. I need some good news. I need some relief. And I'll tell you why. Because as many of you know, that big Freedom 250 concert that I'd so been looking forward to it. And someone in the audience just died. The concert I've so been looking forward to has run into some problems. Six musical artists originally announced as performers now dropping out, many citing political concerns.

The Commodores, Martina McBride, Morris Day and the Time, rapper Young MC, and Poisoned Frontman Brett Michaels. Tough break! Although at this point, wouldn't he just be MC? Or, brother, I feel you. I feel you. Or just like, you're as young as you feel, 60 is the new 40 MC. All right.

But damn! They didn't want to be a part of Donald Trump's personal political concert. Is anyone still performing? America is turning two-fitty. I'm super honored to do this concert with everybody. We're going to bring back the 90s. There you go. Vanilla Ice didn't drop out.

He saw a problem. And, yo, he solved it. You should really check out his hook. Love his DJ. All right. Again, say what you want. Very likable fellow. And by the way, the other artist who said that they are not bailing is C&C music factory,

who, as you know, were devastated by globalization and the offshoring of most of America's music factories. Their front man, Freedom Williams, had an interesting, I would say somewhat philosophical take on the issue of the intersection of performance. and politics. Y'all gonna make this pretty 60-year-old a leash on you, motherfuckers. I'm sitting on the toilet taking the shit. Sir, this is not a good time.

We can certainly come back and discuss this later, but look, you know, let's not focus on where he's making the video or his Katniss and PETA fanfic shirt or the cottage core wallpaper. Let's focus on the message. The day I'll let you, motherfucker, tell me what to do is the day I die.

Pretty straightforward. You love this country. Critics be damned. I don't give a fuck about 250 years of motherfucking capitalism in death. Maybe love was too strong a word. Why, freedom, would you do the show celebrating 250 years of motherfucking capitalism and death?

Shit, you keep pushing me. I'll do the motherfucker fucking show in North Korea, pissing on a American flag, smoking a Cuban cigar, drinking Venezuela wine, playing golf

with motherfucking Kim El June with an Iranian bitch on my lap, while Trump's standing there with his d-in-his-hand. Is that like the Mexican Kim Jong-un? He might be my favorite person

in the world. But by the way, if you thought Freedom Williams ranting about our murderous nation and our president with his d-in-his hand is the weirdest thing about how this concert is coming together, guess again.

According to CNN, quote, the concert lineup was heavily tilted toward legacy acts, and many of them shared the same booking agent in Jeff Epstein of Universal Attractions. So attractions is in charge of, forgive me, recruiting talent for a Donald Trump party? In planning our country's 250th birthday, somebody had to go into Donald Trump's office and say,

I know just the guy. How bad do you feel for that guy? After years of being, and not that, Epstein, he finally gets all of his acts booked. It's all coming up, Epstein. And then the axe collapsed. He finally thought he was going to get his happy...

But nope, nope. Once again, they leave him hanging. they so many Epstein sympathizers. A Jeffrey Epstein joke, how could you? Trump has grabbed a couple of wins from the weekend that can soften the blow of the canceled concert. Looks like we're going to finally put an end to this U.S. Iran kerfuffle.

Breaking news, Axios now reporting that the U.S. and Iran have reached a peace deal. The president announcing the framework of an agreement to end the war and we open the straight of four moves. Trump says he's, quote, meeting now in the situation room to make a final determination. Now, you could be forgiven for being skeptical.

If you remember, I believe we've been here before. We were very close to a deal a couple of weeks ago. They are getting very close to making a deal. And, of course, getting close a few days before that. I think we're getting close to maybe doing a deal. Because I think that we're getting close to maybe doing a deal. before that, you remember it was very possible. We've had very good talks over the last 24 hours,

and it's very possible that we'll make a deal. It reminded me of the two weeks before that, when it was not just possible, but really already agreed to. Many of these things have been negotiated and agreed to. Which was based on the optimism we'd had from the one day before that. We're very close to making a deal. Which was all based on the fruit. of the efforts of the position that we were in three weeks prior.

I think there's a very good chance we're going to end up in a deal. If I were a betting man, I'd bet for it. Well, good enough for me. Hello, Kalshi Market. A little birdie told me to put it all on peace. What could go wrong? Breaking news, State TV says Iran is suspending fragile peace talks with the U.S. We are on the cusp of deal.

What is holding it up? What is hampering the completion of the terms? Is it the Mullahs? Is it Israel? Is it the Revolutionary Guard? What is holding this up? Trump claimed in a social media post that too many voices from Republicans

and those he called Democrats are slowing him down, writing, it is much tougher for me to properly do my job and negotiate when political hacks keep negatively chirping at levels never seen before. What? You're blaming this shit on us?

You can't make peace unless everybody's quiet? Is making peace like putting or peeing? Is that what this is? Oh, the peace won't come out unless everybody shuts up. If you stare at me, I can't make peace. You're blaming us. You know, I think maybe we were all under the mistaken notion that you were some kind of dealmaker in chief, some kind of master negotiator. Where did we get that from?

I mean, this is a high-stakes negotiation. We've got the best negotiator in the world leading it. He's doing what he does best, which is being a master negotiator. He's known as the dealmaker in chief. This is what he's really good at. This is art of the deal. This is like scrambling the head game with Iran. I know deals, I think, better than anybody knows deals.

Of course you do. You're the dealmaker in chief. Our country is blessed with the world's greatest authority on negotiating and dealmaking. So how did the Iranians manage to blunt our advantage? They're very smart, actually, in a certain way. They're very good negotiators. They're crafty. Like, I'm the best negotiator in the world.

I'm the master. Unless, yeah, you, they're not crafty, are they? Has anyone taught? Are they crafty? I have my negotiations are like a superpower. Unless, God forbid, they happen to be crafty. Does anyone know? Are they crafty?

Is that like a dampener? I didn't know I was going to be fighting other adults. Like, what the fuck? You set the expectations for your greatness? I'm so busy with the Iranians calling, trying to make a good deal. They want very much to make a deal. They're begging to make a deal.

Because they're begging to make a deal. I mean, Iran is dying to make a deal. Ah. And who set the... acceptable terms of this deal that they are dying to make. It's got to be perfect. One of the things that will happen is the street will open immediately. We want to see no nuclear bomb, no nuclear weapon, not even close to it.

The nuclear dust, we're going to want that. The president declaring there will be no deal with Iran except unconditional surrender. They should wave the white flag. The white flag of surrender. In hockey, they say, uncle. right? When are they going to cry uncle? I think even the crafty Iranians understand

you don't cry uncle in hockey. No nuclear, unconditional surrender, open the straight. Even that wasn't enough to satisfy Trump. But Iran didn't cry uncle. They weren't begging to make the deal. And here comes the Donald Trump special. The excuses. We don't know who their leader is.

They play games. They might be crazy. They're afraid to make a deal. They make a deal in the next day. Like we waited five days for a letter that should have been there one hour. I said, where's the letter? You didn't make a deal because you're waiting for a letter?

What are you? Inside a Ken Burns documentary? I said, I was going to get a letter. I didn't get the letter, so I guess no deal. I don't know what happened to the letter. By the way, I'm not sure if you heard. There have been some delivery issues in the Strait of Hormuz. You know, maybe the problem isn't us who didn't want this fucking war in the first place. Maybe the problem is a president

who talks out of both sides of his mouth, lies like most of us breathe, and whose pronouncements cannot be trusted because they will inevitably be undercut by the very same person pronouncing them, like this gem from the weekend. Their Navy is totally gone 100%. Their Air Force has totally gone 100%.

We've taken different forms of leadership out. We've actually left their military alone. People would be surprised to hear that. We would be surprised to hear that. Do you know why we're surprised to hear that? Because two minutes earlier in that same interview, you said, we've defeated their military, essentially defeated their military. But we've been hip to the holes in your negotiating game for quite some time now.

Remember how you were going to solve Ukraine and Russia on the front? first day? What happened with that? We'll have a deal with Russia. Russia's set and President Zelensky will not do it. And then we'll have President Zelenskyy wants to make a deal and Putin doesn't want to make the deal. It's a very difficult balance. When Russia's ready, Ukraine's not. When Ukraine's ready, Russia's not. You're the greatest negotiator in the world and you're saying that it's difficult to bring together two differing sides with competing interests. If only there was a word for close, that gap. A person who could help close it. I don't know, a gap a closinator. But that's, by the way, that's the dirty little secret in all of this, isn't it? Donald Trump

isn't actually a master gap a closinator. Negotiation is about bringing parties of disparate interests into an agreement that understands each other's positions and resolves those differences with compromises that advance shared goals. Whereas Donald Trump's gift is in not doing that. Trump's singular gift is in manufacturing the animus

and division that actually makes negotiated settlements so difficult, yet so necessary in this world. That's his happy place. But the Democrats, the Democrats voted against all of that, but we call them Democrats. Sir. We may not get that peace deal you were talking about, but as a 1 a.m. slop tweet,

Magnifico! How in God's name does the world's most powerful man come up with gold like that? And it works that well because I take the word dumb, take the B off because most people don't know that, you know, dumb ends with a B, but most people don't know. And all I do is I switch the E with a U and you have a Democrat. I really hope we do not ever become numb to this. But I think even Donald Trump recognizes that his superpowers may be waning. I don't know that it's going to be as good as Pocahontas or fake news or so many of the others that we've come up with. How sad is it? Donald Trump knows he's past his peak. But hey man, you got to keep trying. You got to keep putting out new stuff.

Otherwise, you could end up alone on the toilet. is that you, my friend, are represented by Jeff Epstein. This spring, denim gets a softer, lighter update. Introducing Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg, a new fit that moves with you. It's everything you want denim to feel like for summer. Easy, breathable, and effortlessly cool. With a fit that creates natural movement and a wide leg that feels modern, not overwhelming. Plus, that signature, wait, for this price, moment.

Old Navy's drapeed denim wide leg. It seems like every day there's more depressing news about the economy. Gas is $5 a gallon. Raspberrys are $8 a pint, which sucks because my backup plan was to fill up my car with smoothie. Now, despite all this, it's inspiring to know that even in these tough times, there are everyday Americans out there

who are still able to make it work. Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner have purchased their own island off the coast of of Albania. It's an unbelievable, beautiful 1,400 hectare private island in the middle of the Mediterranean. Let's give it up for this couple. I mean, oh, I'm sorry, do you guys not have hectare money?

And for those of you who are thinking, hey, before buying a private island, shouldn't billionaires maybe read the room? What you don't understand is the island doesn't have rooms yet. They can't lay the foundation for those rooms until they burn down all those stupid trees, okay? And for the record, Jared and Ivanka

aren't scheming real estate moguls going around the world snatching up private islands. This was more of an impulse by. We were on a friend's boat, and we stopped for a swim. Effectively, that's how we found it. We swam to the islands. We went on a hike, barefoot all the way, up to the top,

and we were just captivated. Oh, yeah. I feel you, girl. I feel you. Been there, done that. Except instead of the Mediterranean and I was swimming in the Hudson River and the island I hiked barefoot was Staten Island and

instead of buying it I stepped on a needle and got HPV but I feel you I feel you I just have one follow-up question can you make this sound even more out of touch you know it's not even a business for me it feels more like a challenge than anything else the

culmination of all of my experience in real estate all of my travel a lot of reflection on how I want to live, how I think people increasingly are wanting to live, and trying to really build something that's a tangible manifestation of that. Yeah, yeah.

Of course, a tangible manifestation of the way, come on, lady, you're rich, and you bought an island. Just say that. Not everything has to be a deep spiritual journey, You know? It's like when you look up a chicken salad recipe and you have to scroll through nine pages of how the cook's grandparents escape the Balkan Wars in the back of a donkey cart. So did Nana use paprika or mustard? Which one is it?

But of course, I'm kidding. I love Ivanka, and I fully support all of her endeavors. This place sounds like Paradise on Earth. The planned 1400-acre resort will also sit where abandoned bunkers and decaying buildings now stand. But Kushner and Ivanka still face major hurdles, including unexploded landmines and weapons that remain on the island. If you like Pena Coladas and unexploded landmines. I mean, there's got to be an easier way to divorce somebody.

Ivanka was on that island like, Jared, smile. Hey, a little to the left, more to the left. Hey, hop up and down, Jared. Let's move on from Ivanka to the man whose sperm made her, Donald Trump. He's had a rough week. A judge ordered his name off the Kennedy Center. his concert fell apart, and they canceled the wet t-shirt contest

at the Reflecting Pool Party. He was going to win that one, too. The only thing Trump had going for him was the $1.8 billion slush fund he got from the Justice Department. And now there's bad news with that, too. On Monday, House Speaker Mike Johnson met with Trump to talk about the fund amid GOP backlash.

Shortly afterward, CBS News learned the administration plan to scrap it. What? Are you telling me that instead of just going along whatever Trump says, members of Congress can actually stand up to him, that they can provide some kind of check and or balance? That's great.

It's not as great that he pushed us so far that the check and or balance is not using illegal money to pay pedophiles for storming the Capitol. But still, good on you, Congress. It just goes to show that if you knuckle down and power through, can do the bare minimum at your job. And that should shut up the haters who keep saying the only thing Congress is good at is insider trading.

So, yeah, Trump's on a losing streak. But as my penis doctor always says, it's never too late to turn things around. Trump could still make a deal with Iran, and he keeps saying they're close, so really it could be any day now. 95 days into this war and with talks on the brink of collapse, complicating the deal, Israel's incursion into Lebanon,

advancing deeper, the region to fight Iranian-backed Hezbollah. Iran threatening to call the talks with the U.S. entirely off. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Iran is stopping a peace deal with us because Israel is bombing Lebanon? Damn it, Israel? Why do you keep bombing stuff? Is it because we keep selling you bombs?

That can't be the reason. There's got to be another reason. But still, this is a disaster. If the peace talks fail, then that means the war is back on. And that means that all the death and destruction and carnage is going to raise gas prices before my big road trip. I was really looking forward to showing my kids all the amazing places in this country where they can watch Bluey on their iPads.

The point is, I'm terrified, and I bet Trump must be nervous as hell too. President Trump says he doesn't care if peace negotiations are over. Trump said, quote, I don't care if they're over, honestly. I really don't care. I couldn't care less. If they're over, they're over. Whoa, whoa, whoa, you okay, dude? Why do you sound like the Iran deal broke? up with you for your best friend.

Peace talks weren't even that pretty. Listen, Mr. President, you've got to complete these peace talks. Because I think I speak for all Americans when I say, we don't want our soldiers overseas in the Middle East. We want them where they belong, diffusing landmines on Ivanka's island.

Now, Trump, how can you not care about this? He went on to say, quote, frankly, I thought they started to get very boring. Boring? Boring. Oh, I'm sorry. sorry, is wrapping up the war you started not interesting enough?

Yes, peace talks are boring. But guess what? Important things are boring. Like picking up your kids from school. That's why I don't do it, a life hack. The school will just drop them off at your house. They'll tell you they won't do it again, but guess what? They don't want your kids either.

But all right, I guess the president couldn't care less about Netanyahu dragging him back into a very boring war. The president initially said he couldn't care less, but hours later, he was on the phone with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Sources describing the call as tense with President Trump fuming at Netanyahu over the escalation. Well, well, well,

turns out he only pretended not to care, but he actually did care. Just like me, when my penis doctor said it actually is too late to turn things around. It cost his penis. But look, Trump and Beebe have been best friends for a while. So how tense could this call really have been?

Axios reports that Trump said to Netanyahu, you're fucking crazy. You'd be in prison if it weren't for me. I'm saving your ass. The president added, quote, everybody hates you now. Damn! Everybody hates you now?

The president then added, best friends for never. TTIL, talk to you, never! It seems that Trump is starting to suspect that Netanyahu might be deliberately derailing the peace talks just to keep the United States in the war. To which I'd like to say, ding, ding, ding, dumbass. Why are we always watching Donald Trump discover shit

that everyone else knew this whole time? He had no idea that peace in the Middle East is hard. He had no idea that the Strait of Hermuz is where oil goes through. And now he's like, wait a minute, does anyone else think the international war criminal is kind of shady? This guy was so clueless. This guy was so clueless about Netanyahu it makes you think maybe he didn't know

what Jeffrey Epstein was doing. But Donald, yeah, you guys don't know how to listen to that joke. But Donald, this is a turning point. Are you going to buckle down and commit to ending this war no matter how boring it is? I know it's tough, but all the world wants is for the chaos to subside in the world to get back to normal in a peace deal with Iran would be,

it would be, wait, what am I trying to say? A tangible manifestation. That's right, yes, that's right. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair.

With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. We're just a month out from America's big birthday bash and President Trump is celebrating with a UFC fight at the White House. continuing an American tradition that dates all the way back zero years. As you can see, he's already set up the arena, a bouncy castle.

And if you think this looks ugly, you better get used to it. In Paris, France, the Eiffel Tower, 1889 it was built. It was supposed to be taken down immediately after the World's Fair. And then they said, you know, we sort of like it. Well, they never took it down. And, you know, we're building something in front of the... The White House is quite attractive to a lot of people, and maybe we'll never, ever take it down.

Never take it down? Why does he sound like a Batman villain? Citizens of Gotham. Bring me the Batman, or we'll have to look at this ugly bullshit forever. But no, the White House UFC Cage is not going to be America's Eiffel Tower. The Eiffel Tower represents something great, specifically a sex move where two dudes bang one woman while high-five it.

But let's move on. Thank you. We were excited about that joke. Let's move on to some election news in another installment of Indecision, 26. Yesterday, there were primaries in California and New Jersey, as well as four other states we can all definitely identify on a map. Like this one,

that's the corn one, right? Damn, I'm good. Primaries determine who's on the ballot this November, and there's breaking news on one of the big ones. While many votes are still being counted after a long and muddled campaign for governor in California, we finally have some clarity. Former State Attorney General Javier Piserra, riding a late search of support over fellow Democrats to finish in the top two. If elected, he'd become the first Latino governor since 1875. Well, I'm sorry.

the first Latino governor of California since 1875? How is that possible? The word California literally translates to the land of Latino people, I assume no ablo Hispaniol. Think about that, 1875. That's all the way back when the first generation of Kardashians

settled in California. But by the way, this guy was the last Latino governor who apparently was so bad at being governor that they said, hey, only, white guys from now on, okay? But forget El Glebrador, the California's primary. The California primary that's really been dominating the news has been the L.A. mayor's race. In Los Angeles, Mayor Karen Bass will try to win a second term in a November runoff,

her likely opponent, former reality TV star Spencer Pratt. A reality TV star running for office? Well, I'm sure if we make fun of them enough, he'll only be in charge for 11 years. tops. How did this country get so stupid? Oh, that's right. We stopped reading books. Clearly, Pratt connected with enough Los Angetaliano, so what exactly do his supporters see in him? What is it about Spencer Pratt that you just, it's resonating with you? Because he's speaking out against communism and socialism, and it is a real big problem in our cities, especially in L.A. where it's turned to crap. Mm-hmm. Yep. See? Spencer Pratt.

is standing up for the rights of all hard-working voters who look like ecstasy dealers. And it's about time. Someone spoke for older guys who hang around college parties where no one is sure who exactly brought them. So it looks like California has its candidates. But who cares about California and the coastal elites that live there? Let's talk about New Jersey and the coastal trash that lives there.

One of the most competitive races in November will be in New Jersey's 6th. seventh congressional district. So let's see who each party has now chosen as their champion. With Republicans fighting to maintain their razor-thin House majority in the midterm elections, one of the most competitive contests is brewing in a New Jersey battleground district. Democrats choosing former Navy helicopter pilot Rebecca Bennett to take on Republican incumbent Tom Kane. Well, that race is over. A vibrant young helicopter pilot versus a guy who looks like a ghost that's just seen a ghost. Seriously, that's the best photo you can get to this guy?

The one where he's in the middle of saying, hey, tell me when you're going to take a picture. Obviously, I'm being unfair. It doesn't matter if Tom Kane looks like he just walked in on himself masturbating. What matters is that he shows up for his constituents every single day. The 57-year-old has been absent from his job for over two months now,

not casting votes on Capitol Hill, no constituent events, and also not seen in any video statements. Two months? Not voting? No events? Two months. Maybe we should be looking for him? I don't... I know we all silenced our amber alerts,

but maybe we should turn those back on. How does a congressman just disappear for two months? Surely people would notice if he just dropped out of the public eye. And it's not like this office has been trying to cover up for him, right? Right? King's office projecting business as usual, blasting out an email with a photo of the congressman and police officers

that appears to be from two years ago. Two years ago? That photo is so old, those New Jersey cops could have already finished their sentences for taking bribes. But look... Okay. There's going to be more of those types of jokes.

So... But look, everyone deserves privacy. long as his colleagues in Congress know exactly why he's out and when he'll return. Not even the Speaker of the House seems to know exactly why he's out or when he'll return. He said he was out on a medical issue and he'll be back as soon as possible. Did he disclose what the issue is? The full extent of what I know about it. Oh my God, is he okay?

I mean, I know he lives in New Jersey, so we all know he's mentally ill, but physically? This is so mysterious. even if he's holed up in a sanitarium somewhere, someone must have seen him. How is that we have more photos of Bigfoot than Tom Kane? His office, telling the New York Times, there's no cameras where Tom is.

Okay, that's a little odd. But to be fair, if this is how photos of me came out, I'd also want to be where there's no cameras. He looks like the doctor just told him it's going to take all five fingers to examine his prostate. That's okay, yeah. Look, when I'm a doctor,

Whatever's going on with this guy, he's got to be making people a little bit nervous. I mean, at this point, you've got to be an absolute moron to give him a full-throated endorsement. President Trump Monday endorsed Keene saying, quote, he will never let you down. So true. Of all the congressmen who have been missing for two months, he is the most reliable. He will never let you down. Just like my backyard Thunderdome. Of fame.

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it's a start of COVID when they decided to clean the subway for the first time ever. That game was so great. I think we could all agree that we should just end the series at 1 to 0. Stop the count! Stop the count! Stop the count! There we go. The game was in San Antonio, but you wouldn't have known that if you walked around New York last night, where the atmosphere went from celebratory to zombie attack.

Now that they are back in a place, they have not been in more than two decades. So moving forward, like we said, is a long series, but the enthusiasm here. Unfortunately, that reporter was torn apart. But his body will be used as spare parts for Jalen Brunson's knees, which is an incredible honor here in New York. All right, let's move on.

Because we're exactly one month away from July 4th, so President Trump is scrambling to clean up Washington. in D.C. before company comes over. He's building an arch. He's covering statues in gold. He's adding a smores station to Kennedy's Eternal Flame. But his biggest project has been renovating the reflecting pool by the Lincoln Memorial. Because, as you know, one of the powers granted to the president in the Constitution is pool boy. Now, those renovations took longer than we were told they would.

But to the people who were complaining, Trump reminded them that the pool is very big. Although, let's hear it from him. It's 200,500 feet long by almost 200 feet wide. The tallest building in the world would not reach the end of it. Gotcha. Okay, so the reflecting pool is very long. Kind of a weird way to measure it, but loud and clear, you don't need to bring it up again. That's like taller than any skyscrap or 2,000 feet. That's longer than the tallest building in the world.

If you lay it sideways, it's two Empire State buildings more than that. I just had this done. I'm getting it for his limbs, but that's your size compared. So those are compared to, those are among the tallest buildings in the world. What the fuck is happening right now? Why did you make that chart? Our pool is bigger than skyscrapers? Those are two totally different things.

I'd say you're comparing apples and oranges, but at least those are fruits. This would be like putting up. a chart that says this sandwich is louder than haircuts. What the fuck are we talking about? By the way, and I would like to say, as a man and as a feminist, I am so tired of turning everything into a dick measuring

contest. Why can't we have a vagina measuring contest for once? Yeah, thank you. How come no one ever says the reflecting pool is 18 inches deep, but the Grand Canyon is more than a mile deep? And it's self-lubricating.

But Donald Trump isn't the only one Preparing for America's 250th birthday, his Treasury Secretary also has a special surprise for us. And no, it's not affordable groceries. It's something that we didn't even ask for. The administration hoping to mark the big day with a new $250 bill, complete with a portrait of President Trump. Treasury Secretary Scott Besson says his department is ready to print the bill. Wow. What a great picture of both Trump and Besson.

Between the two of them, they have zero normal source. Forget Donald Trump's face. I don't want to carry around a $250 bill. Imagine a homeless guy asked me for money. I have to give him that bill. And then ask for $249.50 back? But isn't having your face on money kind of something you have to earn as a president?

Why is Donald Trump getting his own bill? I don't think that there's anything unported about having the President of the United States. The person who was President of the United States on the 250th anniversary bill. bill. Ah, yes, I see. It's not that he's a good president. He just happens to be the president during the 250th anniversary. It's like how George W. Bush is on the $9.11 bill. Now, those bills are awkward. When you give them to a homeless guy, you got to ask for $8.61. Sense, bet?

Switching gears. It's been a year since Donald Trump freed the January 6 rioters from prison. Hey, but give these guys some credit. A lot of these guys have been working really hard to get themselves back behind bars. According to a new study, at least 97 January 6th writers, or 1 in 16, have been arrested for or charged with new crimes since being pardoned by Donald Trump. USA! USA! I know. It doesn't...

All of you people put those January 6 guys in a box, didn't you? And they aren't just January 6ers. They can commit crimes any day, any month of the year. I mean, come on. Is there anybody? who's at January 6, who's actually sorry for what they did? Elias Irizari was 19 years old at the time of this riot, joining the mob that breached the police lines and entered the Capitol.

He later expressed remorse for his actions, saying he'd, quote, brought great shame upon myself, my family, and unfortunately my country. Damn, he was 19? This dude did an insurrection the first time he voted. You were disillusioned with democracy the moment you entered. Well, voting didn't work. Guess I got to beat someone with a flagpole. But I'm glad he apologized. Although, of course, that's just a first step. Obviously, it's going to be a long time before anyone trusts him with anything important. Sir Azari was recently hired to work in a Pentagon office that oversees special operations.

Insiders say it's among the most sensitive work the military does. Ah, shit. That seems pretty important. This kid basically interned January. Now, look, I want to give the guy some grace because we all f*** up when we're 19. We usually don't get paid for those f***ups later. I mean, thankfully, my neighbors forgave me for putting flaming bags of dog poop in their mailbox. What they didn't do was appoint me postmaster general. But to be fair, the Trump administration isn't just going to hand you a job in the Pentagon

without any experience. They'll also hand you a job running the intelligence community without any experience. Federal housing finance chief Bill Pulte close Confident of the president will now be the highest ranking intelligence official in the government, despite having no experience in spycraft or national security. Zero experience in spycraft. You mean if he looks through binoculars, there's a 50% chance. He's going to be like, why is you so tiny?

We need someone who's a spy, you know, someone who's flown to Switzerland in a tuxedo and infiltrated a top secret military party and then had sex with a super hot triple agent named something like Mucho Cucho. You know, everyone knows that spycraft. This guy doesn't even look like he has experience asking for a haircut. What did he tell is barber? Give me the sushi?

Hey, does this one come with miso soup? This man is totally unprepared and ill-equipped for this job. How will he ever fit in with the Fox News Weekend Morning Host who runs the Pentagon or the supplements pitchman who administers Medicare or the fake wrestling CEO who runs education or the road rules guy who makes sure planes don't fall out of the sky. Oh, he's going to fit in perfectly? Great. Why would Trump give a spying job to a guy who has no experience spying?

Polte used his perch at the Federal Housing Finance Agency to send criminal referrals to the Justice Department accusing President Trump's political enemies of mortgage fraud. Ah, I see, because he'll abuse his access to government secrets to prosecute Trump's political enemies. Now, that's the Donald Trump, I know. But Donald Trump, whose hiring criteria is not whether you're good at the job,

but how good you are at using the job to go after his political enemies. But the president needs to understand that he cannot abuse his power like this. And to show it to him in terms he'll understand, this corruption is spicier than rivers. And I think he knows exactly what I'm saying. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe

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