The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's News | Jon Stewart on Trump's Tariff Tirade & Desi Lydic on the Gory State of the Union

Episode Date: February 28, 2026

Jon Stewart weighs in on Trump's tantrum after the Supreme Court voided his tariffs, MAGA co-opting the U.S. men's hockey win as their own, and why America might be on the brink of war with Iran. Desi Lydic covers RFK Jr.'s erotic workout video with Kid Rock, Kristi Noem's taxpayer-funded f**k plane, and the president's grisly, record-long State of the Union. Plus, Desi examines the latest fallout from the Epstein files, including Bill Gates oversharing about his romantic affairs and Hillary Clinton giving closed-door testimony to the House Oversight Committee. --- (0:00) Jon Stewart Headlines (20:28) Desi on RFK's Erotic Workout Vid (28:48) Desi on State of the Union (34:15) Desi on New Epstein Fallout Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Ninja Lux Cafe, the three-in-one machine that makes espresso, drip coffee, and cold brew. No barista skills required. You're listening to Comedy Central. Let's get to the big news of the week. As you know, tomorrow night is President Donald Jar Jar-Jump's big state of the Union speech. But no matter what Trump says, folks,

it's not going to change how we in this country are feeling. This country is in such emotional turmoil right now. government sanctioned and executed violence in Minnesota, the rank corruption and profiteering of elected officials and their families, the manufactured outrage over, God forbid, an American performing at halftime in the Super Bowl in Spanish. It's a feeling that we are one nation divided under siege, that perhaps we've crossed a rubicon of this great American experiment, and that we slowly and inexorably are sliding into the abyss. of fallen and broken democracies.

But then... Rock across it comes. The elites remained unaccountable, but he put the thing behind that other guy. This country was sinking into us, that's all we can't recover from, but the vulcanized rubber disc went past the Lord of the Net.

It was so unifying. There is nothing that can take away from the joyous moment as all Americans celebrate this incredible... Wait, what the fuck? Is that FBI director, Cash Patel? Why is our FBI, and why are they putting a medal around the neck of FBI director? Is Cash Patel a make a wish?

Man, kid? Is that what this is? I mean, listen, I'm not, and I'm not trying to diminish his condition. It is, listen. Listen, there is currently no cure for crazy eyes. Crazy eyes For when you want to turn every picture Into some sort of meth-fueled mugshot

Are you telling me I was going 90 and a 35? But I got to tell you, MAGA especially is going crazy for the victory. American pride, power, and patriotism on full display. This is time for America, not you whining little clown. Masculinity and celebration.

These are things that have been completely totally sanitized from our arch feminist culture, our estrogenetic culture. What a super weird year hockey is having to go from nobody gives a shit about hockey to, well, I like to watch them. Fri-hacky can save us from a dystopian extrogenetic future. Perhaps the strangest part is how this victory in a hockey match is being perceived on the right geopolitically. Got to go all the way back to 1980 when we defeated the Soviets.

This felt just as sweet because I guess since we don't have Russia to kick around anymore, Canada will do. They're practically communist and they're cozying up to the Chinese. Hockey is all that they have. And we took that away. What's with the sore winning? Why are we such dicks? And by the way, don't we in America have enough real enemies? Now we've got to pretend like Canada's way of life is incongruous to the West?

Yeah, fuck those completely best neighbors our nation has ever had. I think we had like a little fight about beaver pelts in like 1789. Since then, we have defeated our new enemy Canada on the ice and vanquished them

to the penalty box of history. Now America can live in a golden era peace, prosperity. The United States could be on the brink of war with Iran. What the even skate? A possible conflict could we have with people in street shoes? Is this real?

The drumbeat of a possible war with Iran growing louder. The largest assembly of U.S. forces in the Middle East that we've seen in years. One report is saying we are days away from strikes. Days away from war. Usually when we get in a war in the Middle East, there's a Marty Supreme Level Press rollout. Months and months of endless promotion, interviews, manufactured intelligence.

They got weapons of mass destruction. Swap! Until finally, we acquiesce to the war just in the hopes that the selling of it will stop. And because it seems vaguely charming. But this war, one day it's nothing. and the next day, we filled their waterway with giant ships. Why? What's the urgency?

Special envoy, Steve Whitkoff, has this warning about Iran's nuclear power. They're probably a week away from having industrial-grade bomb-making material. Oh, my God. An atomic bomb by Monday? Oh, shit. When was this interview taped? Do they already have the bomb? Is it five business? days to the bomb?

Do Muslims get weekends? Do they work through? I got to say a week away from having the material for a nuclear bomb. I'm a little surprised to hear that. You know, I thought I remembered someone saying something about that nation's nuclear program being

the word I was looking for. Iran's key nuclear enrichment facilities have been completely and totally obliterated. That's right. I remember Trump saying we totally obliterated their nuclear program and yelling at people who questioned it, which makes me wonder, how obliterated was it? It was obliterated like nobody's ever seen before. So the kind of obliteration that somehow re-bliterates almost immediately? Yes, no one has ever seen that before.

obliterated that building. The building we are currently standing on? Yes, that is good. So is our plan now to re-obliterate their nuclear program every few months? Or is there a longer-term strategy? Taking the armada to offshore Iran is to put pressure on Iran, first and foremost, to come to the table to negotiate around nuclear weapons. Oh, I see.

The old carrot and stick. our peace through strength will force Iran to make, let's call it an Iran nuclear deal. Remember that phrase from when we made a nuclear deal with Iran. I am announcing today that the United States will withdraw from the Iran nuclear deal. Oh, right. Trump obliterated it. So just to be clear, Donald Trump is on the brink of war with Iran to either obliterate the program Trump had previously obliterated or to force them into signing a deal like the one Trump had pulled out of. It's all in Chapter 9 of Art of the Deal, eating your own asshole. Is that how Hitler started?

It was a USA. And suddenly people were just like, USA, USA. But obviously there is no more solemn response. I segue into more serious. But obviously, there is no more solemn responsibility for the President of the United States than the decision he makes to put Americans in harm's way through armed conflict.

So as the President recently took to the podium, this burden of history, clearly, heavily weighing on his soul. I made a speech at a factory. They made steel products. and I said, how are you? Nice to meet you. House business. President, I'd love to kiss you. This is a very powerful man.

I don't want to be kissed by that man. You can always tell when a story is true, when it contains a character who refers to Trump as, quote, President. Just President. Not President Trump, not Mr. President. Just President. But I'm sorry, I interrupt.

your story, President. What else did this very real person say to you? He said, sir, I want to kiss you so badly. And I said, no, thank you. Yes, yes, all the steelworkers want to kiss you and your unbelievably f***able tariffs. We'll read all about it in the official history of your presidency team of heated rivals.

As America stands on the precipice of armed conflict with Iran, Donald Trump is single-mindedly focused on preserving his wildly unpopular tariffs that somebody finally had the balls to say were illegal. After months of anticipation, the Supreme Court today ruling that the President Trump's sweeping tariffs imposed under the International Emergency Economic Powers Act are unconstitutional.

Wow. A court composed mostly of his own party's appointees has struck down the constitutionality of Trump's go-it-alone tariff regime. That's bound to cause him some introspection. They're just being fools and lapdogs for the rhinos. They also are a, frankly, disgrace to our nation, those justices. They're very unpatriotic and disloyal to our Constitution. I think it's an embarrassment to their families. You want to know the truth.

When a guy who had sex with a porn star right after his wife had given birth tells you you're an embarrassment to your family. Take that seriously. But the Supreme Court didn't come to this decision rashly. The Supreme Court took months to make this decision. They had oral arguments back in November. They took 10 months. Working through all the thorny legal issues associated with this case. Trying to thread some type of needle.

Lots of nuanced legal issues. that the court has to thoroughly consider. The court put it. And that's why this decision will stand the test of... President Trump doubling down on his trade policy saying that he will raise global tariffs to 15%. Motherf-f-b-it. It's so dispiriting.

You know what we need? We need one of them stuffed comfort monkeys that poor punch has. Poor punch. Although, and no disrespect. Clearly there is probably something wrong with that fucking monkey. I say this. Understand, and it's adorable.

And he's breaking by heart. But that being said, who are we to question the wisdom of the tribe? They're the ones that know him best. They've decided he's problem monkeys. Is that a question? Their lived experience, parisocial attack.

I mean, Look, they decided the mom, the elders, the juniors. Even that fucking stuffed monkey looks like, hey, I don't want to be here. I could be living the life of Riley in a nice bedroom in Westchester. Instead, I'm being dragged through the gravel in the middle of Ichikawa. That's just what happens. It's all cute now. But when puberty comes, that is not going to be a happy stuffed monkey.

Truffered now, but he's wifing it later. Try you people substitute your wisdom for those other monkeys. I was doing this all weekend. My wife's going to be so mad at me. All weekend, I just kept going. But there's got to be something wrong with the monkey, right? Anyway, the point is, folks, the wrong. The point is, folks, we're on the brink of war with Iran.

Russia still bombs Ukraine with impunity, and yet Trump is out there kissing dudes over tariffs and saving his most vicious rhetoric for our own Supreme Court. Can the state of the Union get any more surreal? President Trump mystified a lot of people over the weekend when he announced a U.S. hospital ship was on its way to Greenland. What? Hospital ship, they've got universal health care.

Thanks Trump, it's even stupider than that. Both of the American hospitals, mercy and comfort, are out of commission under repair. Comfort isn't even in the water. Look, I'm no expert, Pope Guy. But they are supposed to be in the water, yes? We're trolling Denmark. We're going to war with Iran. We're abandoning Ukraine.

We're charging everybody 15% more. We're pushing away our closest neighbors, ostracizing ourselves from the entire, oh my God, we're punch. America has gone from being a shining city on a hill to being the weird smelly monkey nobody wants to play with. Cafe quality brews without a barista. That's the Ninja Lux Cafe.

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No skills needed. Cafe quality coffee without the guest. work. Make espresso, drip coffee, cold brew, and more with the Ninja Lux Cafe. Listeners of this show get $60 off the Ninja Lux Cafe premiere series with the Code Stewart, exclusive on SharkNinja.com, while supplies last. That's $60 off the Ninja Cafe premiere series with Code Stewart exclusively on SharkNinja.com while supplies last. Let's begin with Brendan Carr, FCC chairman and hairless Wolf Blitzer. He's in charge of magifying all the ways Americans communicate, whether it be radio, television, or whatever you're

watching me on right now. Probably an Instagram reel someone stole from TikTok, and he's got some exciting new ideas. The Federal Communications Commission is urging broadcasters to air more patriotic pro-America content. FCC chair Brendan Carr launched the voluntary Pledge America Campaign Friday, which calls on stations to promote civil education, national pride, and shared history. This could be through the forms of history specials, daily Pledge of Allegiance recitals, the National Anthem, or music from American composers like Susa and Gershwin. They say TV is a dying medium, but way to you tune in for our daily Pledge of Allegiance. Honey, did you watch the Pledge of Allegiance without me? No spoilers.

Listen, if you want to make TV more patriotic, you don't need patriotic music. You need to figure out how to make Traders U.S. as good as Traitors. U.K. Let's move on to RFK Jr., Secretary of Health and World's Most Patient Zero. After just one incredible year in charge of our nation's health, he's lowered our vaccination rates, boosted our measles outbreaks, and somehow infected the president with hand herpes. But he has just getting started. Health and Human Services Secretary, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., teaming up with Kid Rock for what they're calling the Rockout workout.

Never seen a bigger gap between what I'm seeing and what I'm hearing. The music says, fuck the man, but the visuals say, my doctor wants me to maintain my bone density. You might be wondering, why are these two old men working out together in a swing or ski chalet? But honestly, would you rather they were working out in your gym with you? Don't worry about wiping down the machine. I welcome your probiotics.

That even grossed me out. It's a very gross video, but could it get grosser? Using the sauna wrong? I've just been sitting there giving hand jobs to strangers. I have so many questions. One, why is there an exercise bike in the sauna? Two, who are you flipping off? And three, how fast can I sew up my vagina?

RFK Jr. is doing all of this in jeans? I really hope you wash those afterwards. That is not what I'm. I meant. Oh my god, that water's like the Wuhan lab right now. It's a good thing he's not vaccinated because he could have turned out weird. But, okay, anyway, let's stop. This is too gross. We're done. No more clips. One more clip. Now this just looks like porn with the sex scenes cut out. Cool boy, can I offer you a glass of lukewarm milk? And now to the sauna, end of film. Let's move on to J.D. Vance, Vice President and Pillsbury Proud Boy.

J.D. and his wife, Ushavan, sat down with Lara Trump in a fun interview that was normal and relaxed. So let's see them be normal and relaxed. Well, J.D., I have to ask you. Laughing at. All she said was, I have to ask you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I love human interactions with normal humans. Sorry, I interrupted.

What was the question? What is the best and worst dish that you ever cooked for your wife? So if she's a vegetarian, I am not. I'm like thinking to myself, what does a vegetarian eat? Okay, vegetables, dairy, and bread. So I went to the grocery store. I got those crescent rolls that you can get that are very good. I rolled them out like into a pizza shape

and put vegetables and ranch dressing on top and stuck it in the oven for 30 minutes. Veggies and ranch dressing baked on a crescent roll? And they say white people don't have culture. Personally, I do think that there's a hopeful message here for men. No matter who you are, there is a woman out there that will look at you and say, I guess this is the best I can do. Finally, let's move on to Kristy Knoem, Secretary of Homeland Security and Spirit Halloween's

number one customer. As head of DHS, Noem has a busy job starting wars in American cities, but somehow she seems to have found time for love. A Wall Street Journal investigation is raising new questions about Noam's close relationship with her unofficial number two, Corey Lewandowski. The pair, who are both married to other people, have publicly deny the reports of an affair, but people said they do little to hide their relationship inside the department.

Finally, this administration has a sex scandal involving consenting adults. We did it. I know it's a bit unseemly, but I try to stay out of people's personal business. I mean, it's not like Chrissy and Corey are flying around on a taxpayer-funded plane. Lewandowski and Nome have lately,

been using a luxury 737 max jet with a private cabin in back for their travel around the country. Christy Nome and Corey Lewandowski have had the taxpayers lease this jet for their use. They're a funded plane. Testify charging the country for their bang bus in the sky. On paper, they say they need this particular plane for, quote, immigrant deportation flights. So sure, this is the plane they're using to deport, illegal immigrants. Hey, sit your ass down and put on these shackles. And here's your hot towel. And we have a selection of wines for your enjoyment. Can you imagine actually being deported on

that plane? And the whole time you're hearing Corey and Christy Noem grunting in the back? I'd be like, can this plane please hurry up and land in South Sudan already? By the way, it's not just the fancy plane that Gnome is fussy about. During one official trip, people familiar with the incident say, quote, Noam had to switch planes after a maintenance issue was discovered, but her blanket wasn't moved to the second plane. Corey Lewandowski then fired a U.S. Coast Guard pilot after Noam's blanket was left behind. For a woman getting dicked down on the regular, she sure is tense. I mean, you fired the pilot because you forgot your blanket? That's not the pilot's job. His job is to circle the airport until everyone in the back is that time to climax.

But I guess that's the end of that pilot's career. They eventually reinstated the pilot, according to the journal, because no one else was available to fly them home. Any dumber. While many skincare brands focus only on surface level aesthetics, true skin health begins at the cellular level. One skin is a pioneer in the field of skin longevity, shifting the focus from simply masking the signs of aging to addressing the biological drivers behind them. At the core of their lineup is the patented OS1 peptide. This is the first ingredient proven to target senescent cells, often called zombie cells,

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from rolling countryside to cobblestone streets. Begin your next chapter. Book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent. WestJet, where your story takes off. I'm right, Donald Trump gave the longest state of the union address in history, just beating out Harry Truman's performance of the vagina monologues. But honestly, it didn't feel long. it felt endless.

That's because I wasn't sleeping through it, unlike some people. Is how it gives Americans the chance to see clearly what their representatives really believe. Pillar of the American dream that has been under attack is homeownership. With us tonight is

Ray So Wiggins, a mom of two from Houston. Well, who says Democrats are woke? Black History Month by also having a dream. But let's... Let's not focus on length. Let's focus on girth, by which I mean the content of the speech. Mr. President, what is your message on the state of our union?

Our nation is back. Bigger, better, richer, and stronger than ever before. This is the golden age of America. That's great news. I actually think an optimistic, uplifting state of the union might be just what the country needs right now. Let's hear more about this golden age. drug lords, murders all over our country. Killed and maimed thousands.

Ambushed and shot in the head. Violently in the head. One bullet after another. Violently and viciously. We're talking about the edge of death. This is the golden age. Can we just get back to the uplifting optimism? Gushing blood, which was flowing back down the aisle,

viciously slashed, bleeding profusely. Blood all over. Shredding his leg into. numerous pieces. Unbelievable what's happened to his legs. Was this the State of the Union speech or a Quentin Tarantino movie? All it's missing is Uma Thurman's bare feet.

There's nothing wrong with honoring Americans who have been through tragedies, but we used to have presidents who could do that without sounding like a six-year-old dismembering his GI Joe's. Now, the speech wasn't just two hours of Donald Trump traumatizing America. One reason that the speech went so long

was because Republicans kept interrupting with the applause breaks, which Trump would just bask in, rotating back and forth like he was stuck on oscillating fan mode. Guys, he's stuck. How do I get him back to regular? Push or pull? Do I push or do I pull? But the Democrats stayed seated almost the entire night, and you could tell it started to get

under Trump's skin. How do you not stand? How do you not stand? You should be ashamed of yourself not standing up. He should be ashamed of yourself. Look, nobody stands up. These people are crazy. Mr. President, I will have you know that the Democrats are not standing

because they are outraged by your tyranny and lawless behavior. And also, they are asleep right now. You know, Mr. President, let's forget about the golden age and yelling at Democrats for not applauding you. Why don't you just focus on telling us the state of the union now? Here with us tonight is a group of winners who just made the entire nation proud. The men's gold medal Olympic hockey team. Come on in. Nice to give the hockey team a shout out.

All right, give a wave and smile. They got strip clubs to get to. But now that we've gone through that, back to the state of the union. I will soon be presenting Connor with our highest civilian honor, the presidential medal of freedom. Okay, great. Didn't need to do that here, but sure, one quick award. Let's not turn this whole thing into a big award show. I will ask the First Lady of the United States to present Captain Royce Williams with his Congressional Medal of Honor. Present Chief Warrant Officer Slover with the Congressional Medal of Honor.

I am now awarding you the Legion of Merit. It's called the Purple Heart. Wow, we didn't just give out one award. He gave out all the awards. Guess the state of our union was, Come on, down. Now, you could be cynical and say that it seems like Trump has so few accomplishments of his own that he was trying to draft off

of the actual heroism of other people instead. But, hey, at least he's giving awards to other people for a change instead of demanding that they give one to him. I've always wanted the Congressional Medal of Honor, but I was informed I'm not allowed to give it to myself. And I wouldn't know why I'd have

be taking it, but if they ever open up that law, I will be there with you someday. Yeah, there he is. Just can't help himself. Trump would have asked for the purple heart, but his doctors told him that he had one already. Searchlight Pictures presents in the blink of an

eye on Hulu on Disney Plus, a sweeping science fiction drama spanning the Stone Age, the present day, and the distant future. About the essence of what it means to be human, regardless of our place in history. The film is directed by Oscar-winning filmmaker Andrew Stanton and stars Rashida Jones, Kate McKinnon, and Dave Diggs.

Stream in the blink of an eye now only on Hulu on Disney Plus. Sign up at Disneyplus.com. The Epstein Files dropped last month. Creepy old men from every sector of society have fallen from grace, including one of the world's richest men, Bill Gates. Before the Epstein Files came out, we all just thought of him as Steve Jobs with no Riz. Now we think of him as Steve Jobs, with no Riz from the Epstein files.

And now he's doing damage control. Bill Gates apologized to staff of the Gates Foundation Tuesday, admitting he made mistakes that cast a cloud on the philanthropy. He also acknowledged two affairs, but said they did not involve Epstein victims. I did have affairs, one with a Russian bridge player who met me at bridge events, and one with a Russian nuclear physicist who I met through business activities. Wow. Wow. Is it going into this much detail with your staff a giant HR violation?

Thank you, everyone, for hopping on this Zoom call. Let's touch base on who I've been f***ing. Okay. First, Svetlana, and who boy did we get freaky? Let's just say nothing was micro or soft. Thank you. Thank you. I love how he's going out of his way to make sure people know how old the women were. I met her at Bridge. And then we went out to dinner at 4.30. We spent all night giving our social security numbers to a scammer on the phone. And then she leaned over to me and whispered,

I rode the stair lift all the way up to her bathroom and shared a romantic soak in her walk-in tub. He's not the only person trying to explain their ties to Epstein this week. You all remember Hillary Clinton, the former senator, Secretary of State, and presidential nominee, and her husband, Bill, who pretends to write political thrillers with James Patterson? They've been facing tough questions

about their connections to Epstein, and now we might get some answers. Secretary Clinton sat for a closed-door deposition in Chappaqua, New York. Tomorrow, it's former president Bill Clinton. Oof, another Clinton deposition. It's staggering to think about how much money lawyers have been paid because of Bill's penis.

His dick has a higher GDP than most nations. But maybe, maybe this is a signal that Congress is finally ready to hold everybody accountable. A former president's never been compelled to appear before Congress. Is this where this is all heading as of today? Well, we've never had a former president either this close to a convicted felon either. I mean, it's problematic. Yes, we must hold these former presidents accountable. I mean, who knows what kind of.

former damage these former presidents could do with their former fingers on the former nuclear button. But obviously, they're not going to hold Donald Trump in for a deposition because, as you'll remember... I've been totally exonerated on Epstein. That's right. That's right. All the relevant files have come out. There's nothing incriminating about Trump. And that's what all the files, which we've all seen all of, have all said. So I guess case closed. Nothing else to see here. The DOJ's release of the Epstein files is missing some very important and potentially explosive materials.

As MS now reports, quote, The Justice Department has withheld notes and memos reflecting FBI interviews from its release of the Epstein files. Materials about an unproven sexual assault accusation against President Trump. That's strange. Trump's DOJ did that? The same DOJ that promised to release the Epstein files? gave influencers binders filled with old documents, and they wouldn't release more,

so Congress had to pass a law saying that they had to, but they still missed the deadline to release the files, and then when they finally did, the files were riddled with sketchy redactions. That DOJ? Nah, I can't see it. I don't think so. Now, usually, you would expect that a batch of missing files

linking the president to international sex crimes would be the main story on any network. But conservative media has found a story even more disturbing and explosive. Socialist mayor of New York City still refusing to call for consequences for suspects that pelted New York police officers with chunks of ice and snow.

They chalked this up to being a snowball fight. Not really. Looks like a bombardment. This is not fun. This is not kid-like. This is an assault. This is a crime. That was not a snowball fight. That was cops getting pummeled by snowballs. That's not snow. That's this weapon at this point.

We know what a riot looks like. And that's what we have. in New York City. Yeah, that's right. It was a riot, an ambush, an insurrection. Yeah. And on Monday, when NYPD officers got hit with snowballs when they walked into the middle of a giant snowball fight.

And while the police left without breaking up the snowball fight, they did later go back through the evidence and make an arrest. Can you just imagine the guy in jail waiting to get booked? What are you in here for? First-degree snowball? God damn, that's cold. Look, this incident has become a big controversy here in New York. Was it just an incident snowball fight?

Did people go too far? All I can say is, as a New Yorker, I just hope spring gets here soon so that we can get back to hitting each other with hammers. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show. wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central,

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