The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's News | Ronny Chieng on the End of the Iran Ceasefire, Trump's FIFA Meddling & Platner's Dropout

Episode Date: July 11, 2026

Get caught up on all the latest headlines with Ronny Chieng in This Week's News. Ronny weighs in on America's 250th birthday celebration, which included a crashing skydiver and a rambling speech from Trump about American inventions, and covers the president's bridge-burning NATO trip that coincided with the end of his ceasefire with Iran. Ronny also comments on Trump's meddling in the FIFA World Cup and Team Belgium's brutal mockery of his famous "YMCA" jerkoff dance. Plus, Graham Platner ends his Maine Senate campaign in disgrace, and Desi Lydic steps up as Platner's uber-manly replacement. -- CarShield is offering our listeners 20% off with the code TDS at https://CarShield.com/TDS -- The Daily Show airs weeknights at 11/10c on Comedy Central. Stream full episodes on Paramount+ Follow TDS: YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. You're listening to Comedy Central. How was everyone's Fourth of July weekend? Yeah. Did you do all the normal stuff like barbecue or go to the beach or get married at Madison Square Garden? Well, I didn't do shit because it was a billion degrees outside. My AC was working harder than Grand Platonor's PR team.

It was so hard. My balls declared independence from my penis. But even with the heat, people managed to get outside and celebrate in ways that did not in any way feel like a metaphor for where America's at right now. Again, that was not a metaphor for America. because that guy is completely okay. I mean, seriously, the skydiver is fine, and actually fine, not like Mitch McConnell fine. Just kidding. Mitch is doing great.

He's doing great. And he can't wait to get back. But you know who did not piss himself or flying through a sky this weekend? President Trump, he spent the holiday reflecting on why America is the hottest country in the world. We are the nation that dreamed and created the modern world and invented the light bulb, the telephone, the airplane, the assembly line, the television, the microchip, the personal computer, the internet, the GPS, the smartphone, and almost everything else that has ever been invented. Invented everything that's ever been invented.

And also everything that hasn't been invented yet. We also invented because I just invented that. of inventing all your inventions. It's called prevention. And I just invented that word. We invented all that shit. All right, Trump, give us another one. We invented it all.

We charted the human genome, cure diseases. What? What do you mean genome? Why is he pronouncing it like as an old-school rapper? My top three, Jay-Z, GZ, and Genome. But Trump hasn't just been learning about the human genome. He's also been learning about the sport of soccer because America has been hosting the World Cup.

Very American to not share a World Cup. And up to the last week, the U.S. team was doing much better than expected, in large part, thanks to his leading scorer for Lauren Bellogun. Nothing could stop this guy. I mean nothing. One of the star players on the U.S. men's soccer team getting hit with the red card and forced to skip next week's big game.

Leading scorer, Fallon Balligan, given a red card for a hard foul. The high-level penalty, resulting in a player's immediate ejection from the current game and suspension from the very next game they play. Oh, what? You're going to give Baloggan a red card

because it looks like maybe he snapped the guy's ankle in slow motion? Yo, everything looks worse in slow motion. You ever see the guy get hit by a car in slow motion? it looks horrible. It looks like murder. If you watch it in reverse, it looks like my car revived him.

Anyway, for Lauren Balogans, getting a red card meant that he wasn't allowed to play the next game against Belgium. But you know what? That's what's beautiful about sports, okay? Not everything goes your way. What matters is how you rise to the occasion and dig deep to find a way to win.

And that's exactly what America did. President Trump revealing he intervened, calling FIFA's president to protest Balgan's red card as an affair. FIFA now clearing away for a balligan to play. Scyke, this is America, bitch. The land of the Karen. And when life hands us lemons,

we call life's manager and say, take these lemons back and let Balogin play. And of course, the rest of the world started complaining, say it wasn't fair, asking why President Trump gets to pull strings. Well, there's a good reason why. person that loves sports and was a good athlete. And I understand sports really well,

really well. And that wasn't a foul. You said you heard it from him. You heard it from him. That wasn't a foul. President Trump understands sports. Okay? It's in his genome. Deep. Sports is deep in his dene.

So I think he knows what a red card is. I didn't know what the hell a red card was. When I found out, I said, you got to be kidding. I don't know what a red card is, but you know what he did know? How to get a guy aparted. Yeah. And if you're thinking this is corrupt,

well, fuck yeah, it is. Because that's America's style of play. You think we're going to obey soccer rules? We don't even listen to the Geneva Convention. And there's something else about this case that's even more American. Filaran Balagan, who is this star player, is also a birthright citizen. He was born in New York, but he was only born in the U.S. because his mother was denied the ability to fly home after being on vacation in the U.S.

because she was too pregnant to get on the plane. What a twist. Last week, Trump was at the Supreme Court trying to end everyone's birthright citizenship. This week, he personally intervened to protect one specific. birthright citizen, previously known as a citizen. And you might think that's hypocritical. But real Americans know this is actually the most American immigration policy ever. Okay?

The policy is this. F*** all immigrants. Conceptually. Just not the specific immigrants we need to do the jobs we don't want to do, okay? Like picking crops or creating vaccines or playing soccer. And maybe you don't like that about America, and maybe you don't like how we bend the rules when it's in our interests

or exploit all the advantages of immigrants while vilifying them. But that's what makes you guys haters on the sidelines while we stay winning. And the dream is over for the team USA in the World Cup. Monday night, they lost to Belgium by a final score of four to one.

What the f***? Four to one? Buggin, get the f*** out of. my country, all right? This is the worst thing a person pardoned by Trump has ever done. For those Americans

watching at home who don't understand soccer, four to one is a humiliating score. The Belgians took the red card we canceled and shoved it up our goalposts. And if you don't think the Belgian players had that in mind when they took to the field against us, just look at how they celebrated afterwards. The Belgian players were doing the Trump-Wyield.

AMCA dance to mock him. Using our president's own jerk-off dance against him. They're not even good at it. Look, the dicks are supposed to be up here. They're not down here. You guys look like idiots doing it like this. But Trump only has himself to blame because thanks to him, we went from being the heroes of our own Disney sports movie

to being the villain in some weird European film. I mean, up until last week, America was the scrappy underdog But then Trump's intervention galvanized Belgium and the entire world to defeat Team USA for the integrity of the game. And just like everything else, he tried to fix. He made it worse and ruined our reputation in the process. Before Trump, before Trump, we were a shining eagle, soaring through a sky. And now were this. Oh, shit, that was a metaphor.

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Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash daily show. My name is Peter Parker, but I'm also Spider-Man. This July, we're faced with a threat. That could be anyone. The world may have forgotten Peter Parker. I'm just a neighbor, friendly neighbor. But he hasn't forgotten them. Sometimes Spider-Man has to do the hard thing.

That's my responsibility. Dr. Banner? I didn't know you could get that big. Spider-Man, brand-new day. In theaters, July 31st. President Trump flew a turkey this week for the NATO summit, which means he's surrounded by allies. And I don't mean the kind of ally who tells you,

He's not racist because he has an Asian wife. I mean geopolitical allies. And if you listen to Trump, it seems like the meetings have gone really well. If you could have seen the respect and the love in the room, there was tremendous love in that room. It's too bad the press couldn't have seen what we were doing in that room. The real love, it was kind of pretty wild. It's pretty wild.

I wish the press could have seen all the tremendous love. What the f*** was going on in that room? I mean, I don't want to be gross, but it sounds like they were having a big circle jerk in there. It's too bad the press could not see what's happening in this room. You saw the big round circle with all of the leaders of all of those countries. Gross. This whole time I thought he was dancing. It turns out it was practice. You know what? Maybe it's good that Trump is getting in sync with NATO

because right now he really needs that support with the big issue that's looming over the entire summit. Overnight Iran and the U.S. trading fire, Tehran launching attacks across the region, targeting U.S. military sites in Bahrain and Kuwait. Just hours earlier, the U.S. hitting over 80 targets. President Trump said the ceasefire with Iran is now over, calling into question the future of these negotiations and whether America will fully be brought back into this war.

What do you mean brought back into the war? What are the ones doing the war? It's like a tornado being like, oh, wow, why is it so wind in here? So yeah, the sea spire may be over, but lucky for us, we got deal-making chief as our president. And when he's in charge, it's never over. To me, I think it's over. They're scum. They're sick people.

They're led by sick people. Vicious, violent people. They're cuckoo. As far as I'm concerned, they're a bunch of lying guys. They're liars. They're cheats. They're sick people. They're scum.

You know what scum is? It's the thing covering your reflecting pool, right? But, look, Mr. President, take a step back, okay? You've only been negotiating for three weeks. What made you so mad at them? You know, they asked for a timeout. They wanted to go to the funeral of Comini. And I said, give it to him.

And they start shooting missiles. I mean, it's the crazy thing. Yeah, it's so crazy. It's crazy. I mean, I get what you're saying. Iran saw a timeout for a funeral, and then they shot missiles at oil tankers. You're not supposed to shoot during a timeout.

Okay, you got respect playground rules. But, Mr. President, is there any possible reason you think they might want to launch missiles during their leader's funeral? I mean, it's the crazy thing. Now, we did kill him. Yes, I guess you have to look at it that way. I think we make a breakthrough here, okay?

Because that's what I love about Trump. He sees things from other people's perspective sometimes. But whoever started the war, it doesn't matter, although it was you. The important thing, the important thing now is getting help. And again, it's great that he's at the NATO Sex Summit because he could... He can use all the allies. he can get. I spoke to Germany, I spoke to France, spoke to UK, spoke to Italy, I spoke to, I didn't speak

to Spain. Spain is a wasted cause. Wait, Spain? Where did that come from? Did I miss an episode or something? Because I don't remember Spain being a character in the show, but I guess Trump has some kind of problem with Spain? They're hopeless.

Bad people because, you know, they have everybody else going and paying and working in Spain. In particular Spain. There are a couple of others, but in particular Spain. We don't want to do any trade business with Spain anymore, by the way. I'd like you to cut it up. Holy shit. They're cutting trade off. Wait, are you confusing Spain with Mexico?

You know, you know, Spain is white, right? They're the white people. I mean, they're tan, but they're still white people. You can't just cut off trade with society. Spain? I mean, how are we going to get our... Our... What the f*** do these guys make again? Cthedrals, croquettas,

paella's... Why is Spain causing you so much pain? Explain. Spain is a terrible partner in NATO. They don't participate. They don't pay. I don't want anything to do with it. I don't want anything to do with Spain. Cut off all trade with Spain, please.

Including visits. Okay, now I'm causing a timeout. What do you mean including visits? Does he mean diplomatic, or am I not allowed to go to Spain now? Because I had a whole eat-prey love plant. The eat was in Mallorca. Can you at least talk to Spain first? I don't want to do any more trade with them.

All right? Take it immediately. Don't even talk to them. Don't even talk to them. You can look at their stories. but don't like them. All right, fine. Are there any other fights you want to pick with NATO while you're at it?

Denmark doesn't spend money to really help Greenland, but it's an important part for the United States. That should be controlled by the United States, not by Denmark. Okay, here we... Shit again. I guess... Okay, I guess we're going to war with Iran and Spain and Greenland. All I ask is, before we invade Greenland,

can we at least triple check that Greenland doesn't also control some vital choke point for the entire planet? Because I don't want to find out that all the world's oxygen comes from some volcano in Nook. Listen, Trump, you got to get over this shit

and get NATO on board with the war, okay? Because it sounds like Iran is getting some new allies. Two months ago, we had 100, I told this story yesterday, we had 111 missile shot by the Islamic Republic of Japan. Oh my God. We're losing the war with Iran so bad

it converted Japan to Islam. And I know it sounds stupid when Trump says it, but if someone told you the Islamic Republic of Japan was a new fusion restaurant in Bushwick, you... You f***ing hipsters would be lining up for it. So basically on this NATO trip,

Trump managed to restart the war of Iran, piss off our allies, threatened to kidnap Greenland, and again, and now no one is allowed to visit Spain. This would be considered a catastrophic failure for any president. But for Donald Trump, solid B-minus. It's not his worst outing.

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and agreed his idea to restart the war with Iran was super smart. Unfortunately, his flight back wasn't quite as luxurious as his flight there. This morning, new questions. about the security of President Trump's new cuttery-gifted Air Force One. The Secret Service urged the president to depart Turkey in the older Air Force One instead of the new jet as a safety precaution

amid escalating tensions with Iran. Okay, first off, how do you fly back on a different plane? Like, what do they bring both Air Force Ones? Is that why there's no gas in the world anymore? Because the president flies with an extra-emotional support? plane. Also, you know what happens anytime they switch planes on you, okay? Trump definitely lost

his luggage. He is, he's calling them like, hey, did you guys find a box? It says Epstein files. Don't open it. And of course, yeah, Epstein. And of course, we had to abandon the quatery plane for security concerns. Of course that happened. This is why when it comes to the most important plane in the world, you don't go certified pre-owned. America should spring for a new one. And Trump should give the quattar plane to... I don't know, give it to South West. I'll fly in it.

I don't care if they spy on me. What are you going to do? Find out I'm watching my own movies on the entertainment system? Not ashamed. I'm great in them. But let's move on from this story about a thing that looked cool but turned out to be a bit shady to something completely different.

Grand Platner. You remember... You remember Grand Platner. The Senate candidate who had a Nazi tattoo, a cheating scandal, and tons of offensive Reddit posts, well, brace yourself because something bad came out about it. Overnight in the most closely watched Senate race in the nation, Maine Democrat Graham Platner's scandal-plagued campaign coming to a dramatic end.

The announcement following an arduous three-day collapse of Platner's candidacy after an ex-girlfriend accused him of sexual assault, which he denies. This is incredibly difficult because... I know that some will think it's an admission of guilt, and it most certainly is not. Okay. I mean, it is a little suspicious. It's like being at a party where the toilet's overflowing,

and all of a sudden I'm like, okay, everyone, I have to leave immediately. No one read into this, please. Obviously, Plattner had to drop out once there was credible sexual assault allegations. I mean, at that point, the only person in Maine who might still vote for him is Susan Collins. The question is, how could this happen? How could the people in Maine have picked

this guy to run in the first place? He was picked to run not by people in Maine or from Maine, but by consultants for highly progressive movements. The initial headhunters, Dan Moraff and Leanne Fawn, told Mr. Platner, he was the one, a hero of the movement. I think it was the spring of 2025, and we went through thousands and thousands of Prospects. Is this guy going through puberty in real time? But hey, grown up McLevin and the lady who runs a cat cafe, they're professionals, right?

How did they shit the bed so hard? At this point, you hadn't vetted Grand Platner. You hadn't done a full scrub of who he is. How did you go about vetting him? And why did you? We paid that. Yeah. Can't we?

These people, the kingmakers. This is why we need to stop taking political advice from Dungeons and Dragons Pollucous. These Napoleon dynamite-looking dorks were so excited to find someone who looked like an authentic main man. They failed to do that due diligence. But however Platner got there, now he's officially out. The best thing he can do is step aside and get out of the way. Now reports say the disgrace can't.

wants to help pick his replacement. I'm not trying to dictate to anyone who it should be or how we get there, but I will say this. It needs to be reflecting the will and the values of the people that built this movement. Okay, buddy, you've done enough, okay? That's not really up to you. You didn't even have the job.

You were an applicant. Okay, when I blew my interview with Orange Julius in high school, I didn't stick around to tell the manager, Okay, fine, I'm leaving, but you have to hire someone as edgy as me. But look, don't worry. There's tons of qualified people from Maine, and I know just the perfect guy. Actor and Maine native Patrick Dempsey said he seriously considered a bid,

but decided he does not want to serve in Congress. Ah, that was my only idea. I can't believe a rich actor who's so handsome that people literally call him McDreamy doesn't want to be a senator. It seems like an awesome opportunity to make less money while also having to talk to John Federman about ocean fishing rights. All right, Maine, there's got to be another option. Who else you got?

Democrats are already jumping into the race to replace Plattenor, including Maine Beer Company founder Dan Cleben and Troy Jackson, a logger who served in the state Senate. Oh, man, a beer brewer and a logger? Jesus, everyone in Maine is so rugged. Why don't they just run a lobster who does dry, wall. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair.

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