The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week’s Top Stories

Episode Date: April 16, 2022

Trevor responds to Will Smith’s Oscars ban, Elon Musk plots a Twitter takeover, and Jordan Klepper hits CPAC.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. By now, you've all heard about how school systems across the U.S. are banning critical race theory. And if you're still not sure what critical race theory is, don't worry, neither other people banning it. Now, the state of Florida has announced that it's officially begun its purge of all things CRT, but some of the targets have taken people by surprise. The Florida Department of Education is making waves after rejecting 41 percent of submitted math textbooks because of touchy and prohibited subjects. The state says more than 50 of those books

include references to critical race theory among other things like Common Core and therefore are prohibited under the new standards. CRT teachings they were banned from Florida's classrooms last year. Orange County Classroom Teachers Association President Wendy Dormal says she's baffled. I can't imagine what is in a math textbook that would indoctrinate a child. I really love to see some of these rejected books and see what they highlighted. Yeah, so would I? Because I mean this makes no Florida is banning math textbooks because the state says that they teach critical race theory and I'll be honest. I don't even understand how that

that works. I donach critical race theory, and I'll be honest, I don't even understand how that works. I don't. Like, I get finding critical race theory in history books or social studies, but math. How? How? Well, think about it, Trevor. Just a bunch of numbers that rejected their slave names and now go by X.

How? Yeah, Trevor. Also, numbers can be very triggering for white people. Think about it. Whenever a black man dunks on a white man, what's on his shirt? That's right. Numbers! And don't get me started on the violence inherent in math. I'll never forget the day, 789. Scored me for life. I'll be honest, man day seven, eight, nine.

Scarred me for life. I'll be honest, man. I don't know what Florida is trying to do here. You know, but any sane person can agree. This is getting out of control. I mean, it was bad before, but this milkshake is critical race theory. Because now it just feels like the state sees critical race theory. In every thing, you know, it's almost almost thi, it's thi, it's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm just thi, I's thi, I'm just thi, I'm just, I'm thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I'm thi, I'm just just just just thin, I'm just thin, I'm just thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thiii. thi. thi. I, it's almost like a hypochondriac. It's like, this milkshake is critical race theory. What, yeah, look, it's trying to tell us that the white part is keeping the brown man down? Well, maybe the chocolate just needs to work harder.

Maybe you need to relax, my man. Also, think about this. Let's, let's play the logic with the logic with the logic with the logic the logic th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. theck. theck. the. theathea. theathea. theateathea. theathea. teathea. te. te. te. te. te. tell. tell, tell, the. the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's tea. It's just just just just just just just just just, tea. tea. tea. tea. I's just justea. tea. tea. I's tea. It's tea. It's t the logic. If they were trying to sneak CRT into the schools, why would they do it with math? Math textbooks would be the worst place to do it. Because who remembers anything they learned in math, huh? Do you remember how to use a hypotenuse? Do you? If I said nobody leaves the studio, no one, until you show me how hypotenuse works. We're dying here people.

We're dead. There's going to find corpses. Nobody remembers math from school. Nobody. Even Liam Neeson, his particular set of skills did not include hypotenuse. Yeah, he's like, I will find you and I will kill you. They're like, well, first you have to solve math problem. Uh, it's fine, I'll find another daughter. You know, I actually wish, I actually wish there was CRT in math textbooks. I actually do. Yeah, because then we could have solved racism by now, just by cheating and going and going to the back of the book with all the answers in it, you know? Just be at the back and be like, what is a black Batman, th and th. th. th and th. th and th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I that, I that, I that, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th. I th. I that, I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th.. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin, I thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm th thin, I'm th thin, I'm th th th thin, I'm th th thin, I'm thin, I'm Oh my God! Why didn't I think of that? All right, but let's move on from that madness in Florida to something that's affecting

all of us. Inflation. Thanks to inflation, practically every company is raising their prices right now. For instance, here in New York, a lot of dollar pizza places are now charging a dollar 25. Yeah, no, no, no, you think it's minor, but it's actually a nightmare. Because now, you either have to carry around an extra quarter with you, or you've got to give the guy two dollars and now you're carrying around three quarters all day. What am I supposed to do with that? Do you see slot machines out of the streets in New York? You're killing me! But everyone's raising prices, everyone, even Amazon. They just announced that they're charging an extra 5% inflation fee to its merchants,

who will presumably pass that extra cost onto the customers, which, I'm sorry, people, is bullshit, because Amazon made $33 billion in profit last year. If there's any company that can do, it's just a little to absorb the cost of inflation, it's them. You know, Amazon, if you're trying to save money, next time I buy a toothbrush, maybe don't package it in a cardboard box the size of a minivan, huh? Maybe, some, you can save something. You've seen the size of the box? I'm going to get a bucks for a tiny thing. Now I've got to take time off to fold it, put it in my recycling, and I'm sad because I've

thought someone bought me a car. Now, get this, according to a new report, and this is really sinister, man, some companies aren't just raising prices to keep up with inflation. No, these slick assholes are using inflation as an excuse to gouge their customers and make even more profits than before. Because you see, they know they can get away with it right now. Think about it, a year ago. If you saw that the price of something shot out out of nowhere, you'd get mad at the company. But now, when you're paying $100 for detergent, you just think it's inflation and you curse J-Bi-In't-o'-o'-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'li. that companies don't have to raise their prices. They don't have to, because one company is refusing to,

and they're still getting rich. You go to the supermarket, you'll hook just around, and you know that nearly all products are getting more expensive. Except Arizona iced tea. The beverage is staying 99 cents a bottle, regardless of the rising inflation cost. The company's founder and chairman says, he is not budging on price, on principle. The company is privately owned.

The owner is absorbing the higher costs of everything, including the aluminum that the can, that the ice tea is in, and they're making cuts in other areas. Don Voltagio, Arizona's 70-year-old founder and chairman, told the Los Angeles Times, quote, I don't want to do what the bread guys and the gas guys and everybody else are doing. Consumers don't need another price increase from a guy like me. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what I'm talking about. You don't have to squeeze every lost dollar out of your customers.

This guy's keeping his product 99 cents despite inflation, and he even puts it on the can so the store can't mark it up. Yeah, as opposed to Florida iced tea, which does not put its price on the can, because those numbers are critical race theory. And you know, like, it's so rare to see a company that's just like, you know what, we make enough money. Yeah, we don't need our customers to suffer. I bet Snapple could do that too, if they didn't waste so much money researching those dumb facts. I, guys, I'm here to fill my body with a month's worth of sugar, not to learn.

I don't put information on the inside. I got a sugar hire. And let me tell you something. If this Arizona iced tea company can do this, then a company, like Amazon has no excuse. Yeah. In fact, you know what I think? You know what I think? You know what I think? I think we should all boycott. Yeah. Only order, only order like, thrown, I think.

theymeau. If you need something, you should still order it. I mean, no matter what. Like, no, I mean, there's no need to run out of like bubble bath bombs. That goes without saying, but aside from that total boycott of more than three things per day. Yeah, I should put activist in my bio. Yeah, thrown, the-shaped spaceship. There's one thing you needed to travel, like train, plane, or dong-shaped spaceship, there's one thing you needed to have. One, a ticket, obviously, and two, you needed to wear a mask. Well, yesterday, a federal judge decided that it's time to take our masks off.

This morning, a site we haven't seen in more than a year. Travelers maskless on planes and walking through airports after a major reversal. A federal judge in Florida striking down the mask mandate on public transportation. The Biden administration saying masks are no longer required on planes, trains, buses and transportation hubs. Now United, American, Delta, Southwest JetBlue and Alaska Airlines confirming they will no longer make passengers mask up. It's fantastic news.

We are the champions played on loop from behind the Sacramento International Airport's Southwest ticket encounter today. And you can see some staff still choosing to wear a face covering. Others did not. I love it. I like seeing everybody's face. You'll forget what people look like. Oh you know, I'm actually so happy for that lady, you know? Yeah. But I will say if you forget what your friends and family look like in the time that you're at the airport, you need to get that checked. Yeah. Or you're spending too much time at the airport. What are you doing? Oh, another delay? Whoa, who are you? But that's right people. As of yesterday, masks are no longer required on flights in America. And not just flights. Amtrak has said you don't have to wear

mask on its trains, right? Uber has announced that you don't have to wear masks in their cars, but you do. Still have to smile politely. to. You. You to to to to to to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the their their their the their their their their their their mask their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their mask, their mask, their mask, their mask, their mask, their mask, their mask. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tieuu. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. te. te. te. te. te. the te. te. the t, but you do still have to smile politely when the driver tells you what he thinks about politics and various cities have said you no longer have to wear masks on their subways or their buses, right? Although here in New York, the MTA is standing firm. They've said you still have to wear a mask on the New York City subway, which has nothing to do with COVID-in. the thr-you. Which has th has th has th has th has th has th has th has th has th has th has th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi to thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their their thi thi the the to to to the to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to and you wake up to find a stranger licking you. Very common on the F train. But from now on, when you travel in most places, masks are optional, which a lot of people are happy about. All right? to let's be honest, people traveling with masks sucks. All right, your face gets sweaty, right? You can't pretend that somebody else's breath that stinks. It always feels like someone's using a tiny dull saw on the back of your ears to cut them off. There's a lot of reasons to

not like masks is what I'm saying. But what a lot of people are unhappy about is how and when this rule was changed. You see, when they first put in place, they told us in the mask mandate, right? When they first put it in place, they told us when the change would go into effect so people could prepare. But for some reason, this rule change happened in the middle of people's flights. A mid-flight announcement for travelers across the country tonight. Cheers up in the air as airline crews got word that the national mask mandate was struck down flight attendants on one Southwest flight collecting the masks from

people excited to ditch them. Mask no optional for employees, customers, hallway to Whitehouse. It's not a long to enforce the federal mandate requiring masks in all U.S. airports and on-board aircraft. I have so many questions. First of all, why are people cheering like that? People are cheering like they just said you can take two bags of chips instead of one. What? Hell yeah!

I'm glad I paid another $300 for economy, plus, yeah! And also, that flight attendant who were singing, what was that? It was like the worst version of the Lion King. No, see, you're gonna, yeah, I'm put your musk in here. That celebration looked like Marty growing the sky. And all types of people were celebrating black, wild, old, young, everyone.

Actually, if you zoom in on that picture, you can eat, wait, wait, just zoom in a little bit more, a little closer. Now enhance, enhance? Ah yeah, everyone are celebrating. It's a big deal. So yes, many people were celebrating on planes. You know, they were happy about the mask change, but many other passengers were silently pissed off, which I totally get.

Because look, I don't care what you think of masks. You have to admit, it is insane to change a safety rule in the middle of a flight, people. Just as a general rule, nothing should change mid-flight ever. Nothing. I don't want the cost changing, all right? I don't want the cabin pressure changing. I definitely don't want my seat changing. Yeah, so that you can sit next to your wife. Look, man, you're smothering her, Alan, okay? She booked separate seats for a reason. Read the signs! This is why your marriage is in trouble.

The point is, did you get sad for a fake Alan? One of you was like, oh, Alan. Look, man, the point is, a lot of people only booked that flight in the first place because they felt safe knowing that everyone had to wear masks. Okay, you can't just flip that while people are already on the plane. You got to give people a chance to decide if this is something they want to do. It's crazy, you know? Like you call you like, it's a safety, this would be like if a roller coaster decided to change its safety policies when you're thereere to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their to to to to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the t. t. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. try. tip. tip. the try. the the the the the the ride. Oh, uh, attention passengers, a judge's rule that we no longer need the safety bars. What, what, oh, oh, oh, shit, oh, s- Enjoy your ride.

Uh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, uh, uh, oh, uh, oh, uh, ohuss, Puss, Puss, Puss, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, that was a true story. So, look, if you were angry that the rule changed mid-flight, I think you have every right to be. All right? We wore masks for what?

Two years on planes. I think people could have waited one more day. One more day. And when people were acting like they were suffocating in their seats. Yes, I'll have a Coke, please. Now, because masks in America have thied into a political battle, a lot of people weren't just angry at the judge who made this ruling, or at the airlines who instantly allow the change. No, a lot of people online are angry at the flight attendants and at the pilots who were celebrating the change.

But, look, I don't agree with it, and I'll tell you why. People forget that flight attendants weren't just happy about the masks coming off because of politics. No, a lot of them were happy because of the way people react to masks and the fact that it has turned their everyday lives basically into UFC. Fights over wearing a mask on a plane have overwhelmingly made up the number of unruly passengers on flights. Thousands since the start of the pandemic. Stay down. Yeah.

Stand off the plane! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We don't see that we're not. Yeah. Yeah.

Two years of that. I don't even know what was going on. Like, are those people's masks made of cocaine. Yeah, two years of that. I don't even know what was going on. Like, are those people's masks made of cocaine? What was going on there? You know, it's actually amazing that humans can invent jet airplanes to fly, fly around the planet, but then inside those technological marvels, we're just wild animals. Because nobody, nobody should be acting that way over a mask.

The only time it's appropriate to have that level of emotion on a flight is if the plane is crashing. All right? Or if the in-flight entertainment is stuck on Morbius. I mean, then you can throw punches. You throw those punches. But as for the flight attendants, they already have to deal with so much shit. I get why they are happy. Think of all the other other other other other other other other thing things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things tha things they have to do, huh? They're doing overhead Tetris without giant bags, and they're helping parents with screaming kids, they're

giving people boff bags, and they have to collect the boff bags back. Yeah, so forgive them if they're happy that they no longer have to be the bounces of the sky, okay? They're humans. And here's what having the same experience that you are. Remember that. Yeah, you hate the mask because it makes you break out. Someone else likes the mask because they're immunocompromised and acne is the least of their problems. And some people don't really care. Yeah, so they'll wear it if they have to and they won't if they don't. That's the truth. And I'm just saying, I can see this from everyone's side, from mosques side, from anti-masker's side, even COVID side, you know? Yeah, no, no, if you want to infect people, that's your truth. That's your truth.

Because I can understand why people are happy that they no longer have to spend a six-hour flight, feeling like a broke-ass bane. And I also get why people want to keep wearing toehaha that we can get to a point where we're not villainizing each other over a tiny piece of cloth. What are we doing? Huh? It's not sustainable for people to have so much hate for each other like this. I hate you wearing the mat, take it off. Yeah, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I, I, I, I hate you, I hate you, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, no, I hate you, no, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, no, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, no, no, no, I hate you,the airlines did, no one had power to do what the judge did, we are not those people. You know, we should be saving our anger for the real enemy. All those people who think that a tuna sandwich is appropriate to eat on a plane. That's who we fight together.

And 95 isn't going to streaming giant saw their shares drop lower than your grandma when they play September at a wedding. And when you're a company worth $150 billion with 200 million subscribers, your crash makes everyone panic. Shares of streaming giant Netflix cratering after the company reported losing subscribers for the first time in more than a decade. That stock is losing about a quarter of its value in pre-market trading. It was already down more than 40% year to date. Netflix saying more than 200,000 subscribers left the service in the first three months of the year.

Now observers are asking if viewers will have to binge watch their favorite Netflix show with ads in between. It's something CEO Reed Hastings hasn't ruled out. Allowing consumers who would like to have a lower price and are advertising tolerant, get what they want makes a lot of sense. Damn, Netflix is in trouble. Which is so surprising because me and the 43 people I share my account with, we're still watching it all the time. We watch all the time.

I thought they were doing well. And you know how you know Netflix is in trouble is because they're even considering ads. Yeah, they're going to have like a separate ad section of Netflix if you don't want to pay the full the full the full the full the full the full the full the full the full th. th th thi they, you, you, you, you, the full they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they they they they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's, they's, they's, they they they they, and they, and they they, and they, and they, and they, and they they, and they they they they they they they they they they they they they want they want they want they want they're they're they're they're th is because they're even considering ads. Yeah, they're going to have like a separate ad section of Netflix if you don't want to pay the full thing. And you realize for years Netflix has hated ads. Yeah, the idea of, they've treated ads the same way French people treat everything. Yeah, it's like, oh, what are you breathing? What are you breathing?

Now, now, there are many What a loser, where do you live on earth? You're not living. Now, now, there are many reasons why Netflix subscriptions are down, right? Password sharing, inflation, Reggie Jean Page leaving Bridgeton. Yeah? No, I'm sorry, you want us to play 15 bucks a month without that ass? I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. 1299, a best. And now, Netflix executives are being forced to consider multiple options.

The only problem is knowing Netflix, they're just going to scroll through those options for like 45 minutes before they give up and just put on Seinfeld. You know, if you ask me, if you ask me, there's no reason to panic. Right? People like to panic, stock market this, but remember, this was always bound to happen. Remember, the Netflix reason. The reason Netflix became Netflix in the first place is because it was the only thing out there.

But now, there are tons of streaming services. People want to know, is this the oneest variety of options? Like, what if someone's looking for the Champions League and Picard? And 1883, plus Rugrats and Port Patrol for the kids? I mean, only Paramount Plus has that full range and quality. And most importantly, they keep me employed, so that seems like a pretty good deal to me. Yeah. Look, Matt, the point is, the king of streaming is struggling right now. And I really hope that they that they that that that that they that that they that that that they that that they that that they they that th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi the's thoomoom's thoom's thoom's thoom's thoom's thoom's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th is, the king of streaming is struggling right now. And I really hope that they make it through.

I honestly do. I like Netflix. Because without Netflix, there's no Netflix and chill. And that would be a disaster. We need the pretense of watching Netflix for six minutes before we start the sex. Yeah, otherwise where are you going to text people? How would that even work? All right.

Let's make like a retired Dennis and move to Florida. As you know, America's flaccid penis recently passed the don't say gay law. You covered your face like you've never seen that. You're like, ah, that's the first time. You've looked at it before and you said it was flaccid. So they passed the Don't Say Gay Law, which puts limits on how schools can talk about sex and gender issues. And this has upset a lot of people, including the folks at the Walt Disney Company, because so many of their creative stuff are LGBTQ. Yeah. If you're surprised, how can you be surprised? Like, what do you think? Why do you think Disney's always killing off straight parents?

They hate breeders? Think about it. It's a conspiracy! So, Disney denounced the bill. And then Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, he denounced Disney. And now, the feud is escalating even further. The feud between Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and Disney is growing. Yesterday, he asked the state the state the state the state the state the state the state the state the state the state the state the state to to the state to to to the state thecycycycycycy is thease is to thease is thease Disney is thease Disney is to to to thease Disney is toease Disney is to to to to to to to to to to to to to toease Disney is Santis and Disney is growing. Yesterday he asked the state legislature to repeal a 1967 law allowing Disney to operate

a private government for its properties in the state, including Disney World. Disney's special self-governance, which covers 40 square miles, allows the company to provide many of its own services, like fire departments, road construction, and building and zoning. The move could leave Disney on the hook for millions of dollars a year in local taxes and with less autonomy over its property. This state is governed by the interest of the people of the state of Florida. It is not based on the demands of California corporate executives. Oh, yes dissent is so sassy. Oh, yes, DeSantis.

So sassy, look at you with your one-hand, huh? Just doing like a little one-hand Trump. We're not gonna be telling what to do. Not at all. the governor of Florida is using the power of the government. Listen to me now. He's using the power of the government to punish Disney because they don't agree with his politics. Yeah. Can we just admit that most Republicans are not even Republicans anymore.

All right? Because for like a hundred years, their whole thing has been that there's nothing worse than the government telling businesses what to do. And now they're going to use the law to punish corporations for their opinions, all because they think that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they thi th they thi thi they thi thi thi they thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they thi thi thi their thi thi thi thi thi. Yeah thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi thi thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi. thi're going to use the law to punish corporations for their opinions, all because they think that Disney's gotten too woke, yeah? And Minnie's had a few abortions the past few years? Sorry, was I... Ah. She told me that in confidence. I'm... Mickey didn't know, I'm sorry, guys. Yeah, I mean I thought corporations were people. Or in Disney's case, rodents, the size of people. And it's especially weird to hear these Republicans now saying, corporations are getting too many special deals.

We need to have stiffer regulations and make them pay more taxes. More taxes. That's what Ron DeSens is saying now for a corporation. So basically, conservatives are so freaked out about wakeness that is turning them into liberals. Yeah, it is. In fact, in fact, if you think about it, if liberals are smart, they should start harnessing this and like hyping up oil companies, you know? Yeah, AOC should just come out and be like, Exxon Mobil is such a good ally, they support Black Lives Matter, they always use people's preferred pronouns,

and then all of a sudden, Republicans will be like, what? Destroy Exxon! Tear them down, cover them with solar panels. We gotta end this workness. Now, I will say this, I will say this. Ron De Santis aside. I do think think think think think th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, I do thi, I do thi, I do thi, I do thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th. th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, too, tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. too. the, tho., I will say this. Ron DeSanctus aside, aside, I do think it's a little weird that Disney gets all these special perks where it's basically its own country. Do you understand how crazy that is? Like, I never knew that they were allowed to run their own

government basically. The only thing I did know is that they have their own jail. Yeah, I didn't know, and this is true. th. th. thi is thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. true. In Disney World, if you get in trouble, they have a little jail that they hold you in until they sort out the issue. Yeah, it's their own jurisdiction, they own everything. I've actually been in there, but it was only because I jumped off the ride in the middle. Like in the Africa part of it's a small world. And then I jumped and there's a whole thing. But still, man, it's pretty balsy of disances to pick a fight with Mickey Mouse. Mickey is one of Florida's largest employers. And he never turns the other cheek. Oh boy!

Oh boy! Rod DeSantis claims to $50 turkey legs. He's using big government to silence our small family business. I guess it's a socialist world after all. You didn't hear this from me. But when Ron DeSantis went into the haunted mansion, this loser straight up shit himself. No joke! He got so scared from a children's ride, he made a big old duke, right his pants, huh? Ron DeSantis is the dumbest mother-foo-flaugger I know, and I'm friends with a guy named Dopey. Ron DeSantis, wrong for Florida, wrong for America, pooped his pants. I'm Mickey

Mouse, and I'll cut a bitch. Wow! Poopped his pants. I'm Mickey Mouse and I'll cut a bitch Wow Mickey does not play around As you know as you know as you know Not new yo There are now more streaming services than hot takes about Elon there are now more streaming services than hot takes about Elon right there's everything there's there's Netflix there's Hulu there's Paramou. There's Paramou. There's there's thus the HBO. There's th.. the HBO. There's the HBO. There's the HBO. There's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the? There's everything. There's Netflix, there's Hulu, there's Paramount Plus, there's HBO Max, there's Paramount Plus, and of course everyone's favorite,

Paramount Plus. And so last month, seeing the gap in the market, CNN launched its own streaming service called CNN Plus. And this was a big deal. In fact, they said it would be the future of news. And if that's the case, the future's looking bleak. Plus that a month after launching CNN Plus announced today the streaming service is shutting down. It launched March 29th. Warner Brothers Discovery Networks made that decision, though, saying it was about quality and, quote, customers will be best served with a simpler streaming choice. Last week CNBC

reported that the streaming service had less than 10,000 views a day. About 300 million dollars has been invested so far in CNN plus. The plan according to my sources was to put a billion dollars into it over the course of four years hoping to hit profit after four years. Wow, did they say they had less than 10,000 views a day? You could have just been on Tick-Tock. That's wild! CNN Plus was such a disaster. They'll have to send Anderson Cooper to cover it in a tight black t-t-shirt. This is so insane. The craziest part of the story is that they said they spent $300 million on this thing.

$300 million. What did you do with that? Do you like clone Wolf Blitz or something? No, because if you did that, I'd actually watch that show. I would. I've got breaking news. No, I've got breaking news. No, I've got breaking news. Ah! But you want to know what the worst part about the CNN Plus thing is,

it's that I can't make jokes about all the shows on it because nobody knows what they are. Yeah, it's not fair. It's not like you're going to understand a joke about the CNN Plus show Jake Tapper's book club because you don't even know if that's a real show. But it is. Or is it? No, I'm kidding. It's fake. It's fake. It's fake. Ah, you believe me. It's actually real. You see you don't know! That's not a real show. It is a real show. Oh, it's not a real show.

All right, but let's move on to a different spectacular disaster. Rudy Giuliani, former aid to Donald Trump and lawyer who makes all his clients look innocent in comparison. Since his role in the attempt to overthrow the 2020 election, Giuliani has largely disappeared from public view, like a snail retreating into its shell, but way more disgusting. And if there's one thing America loves, it's a big comeback, and last night, Rudy and a big comeback, and last night, Rudy, Giuliani, popped out of a giant rooster suit. A little bit of controversy on the mass singer last night.

Personal lawyer to former President Donald Trump and former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani popped out of a giant rooster suit while singing a rendition of Bad to the Bone. She could tell the right of way that I'm a band to the bone. But as he revealed himself, this is what happened, Judge Ken Jung stormed off the stage. Apparently didn't like it, saying I'm done. Yeah, Rudy Giuliani just got voted off the masked singer, which means he's about to spend the next five years claiming that he actually won the mask singer. And I guess history was made last night, because for the first time in the mask singer's history, a contestant took off their mask and everyone was like, no, put it back on.

We don't want to get. Put it back on. It's also weird how Rudy has the time. to to to to the to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be the time to be to be to be the time the time to be to be to be the time the time the time to be the time to be the time thi. thi. the time, thi. thi want to get. Put it back on. It's also weird how Rudy has the time to be on a game show, but he's too busy to testify in front of Congress. Like maybe they should have just tricked him, right? Congress should have just like made it seem like it was the Mars Singer, combine the whole thing, pop him in the giant costume, and and then sitting in front of the January 6th committee. Let's do it.

Yeah, that's the game show Americanese. Bernie Sanders would be sitting there like, oh, based on his other disregard for democracy, I'm going to guess the rooster is Rudy Giuliani. Let's take up the mask and see, see who we were about it. I could see it. I could see the melting the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I could see the melting through the mask. I could see it. Before we go, nearly 4,000 homes have been destroyed and more than 40,000 people have been displaced by the floods and the mudslides happening in South Africa. Now, Gift of

the Givers is a South African-based disaster relief organization that are on the ground helping those people who are affected by the floods. So, if you want to help them them them them them them them them them them them them their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to their their their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to. I, to. I, to. I, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. their. their. their. their. their. their. I their. I their. I their. I. I. I. I their. I. I. their. I'm their. the. the. thea. thea. their, their.ea.ea. Wea. I'm toea. I'm toea. Wea. I'm toea. Wea who are affected by the floods. So if you want to help them in the work that they're doing to act fast and to save lives then please donate at the link below. Anything you can give will help. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.