The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories - Big Bird Ruffles Feathers, Republican Vote Backlash & Inflation Surges

Episode Date: November 13, 2021

Big Bird draws right-wing criticism for encouraging vaccination, Republicans face extreme backlash for backing Democrats' infrastructure bill, and inflation soars in the U.S. Learn more about your ad...-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:01:03 When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look.
Starting point is 00:01:28 Starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. When the pandemic first hit in March 2020, most international travel shut down. You guys probably remember cancelling summer vacation trips and pretending to be upset that you couldn't go to your cousin's destination wedding in Cancun. Well, now that the vaccines are out, the world is slowly opening back up again, including as of this morning, America. Yeah, that's right. America is open for tourism again, which means, come on in everybody.
Starting point is 00:02:02 But, but, but, before you get on that plane, there are some rules. The US today will reopen its borders to international visitors as long as they are fully vaccinated. People from more than 30 countries will be allowed to travel to the US, as long as they show proof of vaccination and a recent negative COVID test. Coronavirus restrictions have kept the crossings closed for nearly 20 months. Exceptions include travelers under the age of 18 and those from countries with low vaccination availability.
Starting point is 00:02:33 Wow. That is a boatload of countries. What is like a list of 50? Like, okay, maybe it's just me, but this is a little confusing. They're saying the virus is so deadly, so deadly, you can't come to America unless you're vaccinated. But also, if you don't have the vaccine, no biggie. I mean, the policy is a little all over the place, no? It's almost like Dr. Fauci and Nicki Minaj
Starting point is 00:02:59 worked together on a group project. I mean, the only other time you see th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho.. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... So, tho. So, tho. So, tho. tha, together on a group project. I mean, the only other time you see this logic is from a bouncer at a nightclub, you know? They'll be like, hey, we got no room, we got no room. Come on, guys, we totally full, man. Yo, totally full, back up, no room, no room. Hey, yeah, come on in, t this travel rule seems to be more about feelings than actual public health. Right? Because clearly the Biden administration is trying to balance public safety with not looking like you're banning shit-hole countries. Because now you're in a conundrum. Do you let unvaccinated people into the US, even though that's more of a risk?
Starting point is 00:03:41 Or do you look racist? Either way, it's a problem that could have been averted if America had shared its vaccines instead of having six vaccines for every man, woman, and emotional support animal. I'm just saying. Oh, and one person who definitely doesn't have the vaccine is the quarterback of the Green Bay Packers, Aaron Rogers. Last week, Rogers came down with COVID, which is how everyone learned that he wasn't vaccinated.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and, and, and, and, and th. Yeah, and th. And, and thi. And, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the Green Bay Packers, Aaron Rogers. Last week, Rogers came down with COVID, which is how everyone learned that he wasn't vaccinated.
Starting point is 00:04:07 Yeah, and apparently Rogers tried some homeopathic treatment instead of getting the vaccine. And that took a lot of people by surprise, because back in the preseason, he said this. Are you vaccinated? Are you vaccinated? Yeah, I've been immunized. Yeah, yeah, I've been immunized. Not vaccinated, immunized. That was a pretty slippery answer looking back at it.
Starting point is 00:04:31 This is like your girl asking if you're wearing a condom and you put on a bike helmet and you're like, yeah, yeah, I'm wearing protection. And after this news broke, everyone wanted to know why. Why did Aaron Rogers refused to get vaccinated and hide it from everyone? And on Friday, he went on a podcast to give his side of the story. I'm not, you know, some sort of anti-vax flat-earther. I am somebody who's a critical thinker. You guys know me. I'm Marshaled to beat my own drum.
Starting point is 00:05:02 I consulted with a now good friend of mine Joe Rogin after he got COVID and I've been doing a lot of the stuff that he recommended in his podcasts. I've been taking monoclone antibodies, Ivermectin, zinc, vitamin C and D, HcQ. I believe strongly in bodily autonomy and ability to make choices for your body, not to have to acquiesce to some woke culture or crazed, you know, group of individuals who say you have to do something. The great MLK said that you have a moral obligation to object to unjust rules and rules that make no sense. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:05:50 That actually reminds me of another famous MLK quote. I have a dream that when I'm gone, you'll leave me out of your messy ass drama. So Rogers basically says that he's an independent thinker who doesn't want to be told what to do with his body. And I don't know, you ever notice how all the independent think is a thiiiiiiiiiiiii thinininin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin that that that that that that that that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you are that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin the the the the the that the the that the that the that that you're that that that you're that that that that that that that that that that that that thinker who doesn't want to be told what to do with his body. And I don't know, you ever notice how all the independent thinkers are doing the exact same thing, right? It's not like they're all coming up with different ideas. I'm an independent thinker. What are my thoughts, Joe Rogin? Tell me about my independent thoughts. But you can tell how politics has just infected the entire vaccine debate. tho. tho. th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they, they, they, they, they is is is is is is, they is, they is, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thiiii. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, right? Because you'll never see Aaron Rogers doing this to anything else.
Starting point is 00:06:26 He's never applying this kind of independent thinking to the rest of his body. Like just once, I'd love to see him out there on the field like, forget pads and helmets. I've decided to cover myself in Manuka honey. And honestly, people, my biggest problem with athletes like Aaron Rogers or Kyrie Irving is that they think that this choice only affects themselves. But there are real victims here and yes I'm talking about those of us who play fantasy sports. Because it used to be when you drafted players all you had to take into account was their injury history or their teams off-season moves now now now you got to be like okay what are are the chances that this player gets his news from Facebook? I'm going to lose points.
Starting point is 00:07:06 And if you're wondering, isn't there a cultural figure out there who can challenge Aaron Rogers, you know, someone who's pro-vaccination and who everyone respects, well, worry no more, because help is on the way. And now, Big Bird is causing a stir over the COVID vaccine, the Sessions, the th. toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, too, too, too, too, too, too, th. th. thi, thi, the Sesame Street character, who is six years old on the show, posted about getting the vaccine after the Pfizer shot was approved for kids as young as five. Texas Senator Ted Cruz responded to Big Bird's tweet, saying government propaganda for your five-year-old. All right, first of all, Ted Cruz, you need to calm down. Five-year-olds aren't even going to see Big Bird.
Starting point is 00:07:41 Five-year-old aren't on Twitter. They're on Tick-Tock. And honestly, I'm surprised Ted Cruz is even going hard after Big Bird, considering how much they have in common. I mean, they both desperately want to fly, but they can't. This whole thing is such a double standard, right? People are upset about Big Bird getting the vaccine, but no one, no one cares about all the hormone injections that they've been giving him to make him as big and delicious as possible when they eventually eat him. Because that's going to happen, people. It's only a matter of time. And that's going to be the worst Thanksgiving episode of all time. I mean I will say though Big Bird getting vaccinated is not an effective way to convince
Starting point is 00:08:18 people to get the shot. If they rarely, if they really want to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince kids to convince kids to convince kids to convince kids to convince kids to convince kids to convince kids to convince to convince to convince kids to convince kids to convince kids. to convince kids. to convince kids. to convince kids. to convince kids. to convince kids. to convince kids. to convince kids. to convince kids. If to convince kids. If to convince kids. If to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince to convince kids to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to the to to the to the the to the the the really want to convince kids, they should have killed one of the Sesame Street characters with COVID. Yeah, kids remember that shit. The count should be there on his deathbed like, The vaccine could have saved me, but it's too late now. How many regrets do I have? One regret, two regrets. Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Starting point is 00:08:43 Yeah, your kid will remember that shit forever. Christmas. That's the reason you let the fat man from the mall break into your house. Every year, people complain about it coming earlier and earlier. But this year, someone is doing something about it, finally. Someone posted a photo of a sign from a Texas bar. It says, in all caps, Moriahries All I Want for Christmas is you will be skipped if played before December 1st on the Jukebox.
Starting point is 00:09:12 After December 1st the song is only allowed one time per night. I don't hate Mariah Carrey and I don't hate Christmas. But the general manager of Stone Lee P. says customers play Mariah's mega hit too often and too soon before Christmas. One person tweeted, is this the war on Christmas I've heard about? The star responded with a photo of herself in body armor ready for battle. Yeah, you better believe she's ready for battle. This song gets her a new mansion every year.
Starting point is 00:09:41 You better back the fuck off. And people shouldn't blame Mariah Care Carrie that her song is so popular. Really, what we should be pissed off at is all the classic Christmas songs for being so trash. That's why everyone has to play Mariah Carrie all the time. Like deck the halls with boughs of holly? What is that? It's not a carol. Those just instructions.
Starting point is 00:10:00 And what about I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. That kid is watching his parents' marriage fall apart. And that's supposed to put me in the holiday spirit? And don't forget, Silent Night. You know how hard it is to have sex to that song? Like, I mean, I've done it, but it's work. Like, I mean, I've done it, but it's work. the apostrobey, but it's just the way. People go pretty crazy that stuff. At one time I forgot to put the apostrophe on Beyonce's name and the Bayhive came on my Instagram hard. They just kept coming man.
Starting point is 00:10:30 Like they're not like your fans. You know what I mean? Your fans are like pussies. Like I can talk shit about you. I don't know. I think they get pretty angry. I don't know. I mean, I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. We can't. I can't. I can't they they they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they. I they. I they. I they they. I they they they. I they they they they they they they're they're they're try. I try. I can't try. I can't try. I can't try. I try. I can't try. I can't try. You're born a felon or you're murdered someone as a baby. Okay, we got it. Enough. Enough with the apartheid stuff, all right? It's very depressing. Come after me. Come after me, Trevor heads or what do you call your fan base?
Starting point is 00:10:56 Africans with a K? So it's not racist. or maybe it makes it more racist. I don't just come after me, they're gonna come for you Ronnie they're not coming for me they're not like for you they're not like Mariah Carey fans I hope my fans are they gonna come for you no they don't care and they're gonna make you regret what you said and they're gonna ask you to apologize come at me to the to the to theyrown Chang Chang all all to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the them. them. the them. the the the them. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the too. the the the toeiah Carey to the war against COVID. Governments around the world are using every tool at their disposal to convince holdouts to get vaccinated. They're offering their money, they're laying down mandates, they're threatening to ban them from the NFL Hall of Fame. And now, Singapore has decided to hit the unvaccinated their wallet. One country will no longer foot the bill for unvaccinated patients.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Singapore says anyone who is unvaccinated by choice will not get free COVID treatment. Right now the government is paying for treatment for any resident who is sick with COVID. 85% of eligible people in Singapore are fully vaccinated. The governor says people who don't want to be vaccinated make up the bulk of new cases and hospitalizations. Ooh, Singapore isn't messing around. In America, if you say you don't want the vaccine, the government is like, please, please, take the vaccine, please, we'll give you money. And Singapore's like, okay, okay, it's gonna be like that. Oh, well, you best bring your check to the hospital then because those ventilators are by the hour bitch! They really don't mess around in
Starting point is 00:12:26 Singapore man. Don't forget this is the same country that'll cane your ass just for littering. They're like the parents down the block that actually do the shit that you threaten your kids with. You're just like don't make me count to three. Then you look out the window and Singapore in in in in in in in in in in Singapore and Singapore and Singapore and Singapore in Singapore in the the the the the the their is their is sing their is sing their kid into a cannon. I told you, the toilet roll goes over, not under! And look, I understand the argument here. Why shouldn't you have to pay for your preventable health problems? I mean, would it be fair for you to pay the same rates as the guys from jackass? Most people don't have to be treated for being rolled down a mountain in a porta-party.
Starting point is 00:13:02 It's not fair. But at the same time, though, it is a slippery slope because using that logic, should alcoholics pay for their own liver transplant, should overweight people pay for their heart medication? Should New York Jets fans have to pay for their own antidepressants? Where do you draw the line? It's a sticky situation. Yeah, but in Singapore, Trevor, I don't think people realize. Singapore is saying that if you don't take the COVID vaccine, you have to pay for your COVID treatment, which is a huge deal in Singapore because Singapore essentially has universal health care. So for them to come out and say, you are going to pay for your own stuff, if you don't take the COVID vaccine, we're going to treat you like an American. That's huge.
Starting point is 00:13:45 That's a punishment in Singapore? In Singapore, being treated like an American and the health care system is the biggest punishment you could give someone. Yeah. So you're going to have to worry about your co-pays, you're going to have to look at your disbursements. You have to call blue cross, blue shield. You have to find someone in network. In Singapore, we just, the health just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the health, the health, the health, the health, the health, the health, the health, the health, the health, the health care system just works. Like, we never, you know, I can't explain this in five seconds, so no one's going to care, but essentially it takes like free market principles and socialist principles and combines them together. All they care about is efficiency in Singapore.
Starting point is 00:14:15 They don't politicize solutions, which is why it's so weird in America where everything, I've never even heard the word socialism until I got here. I mean, I mean, I th th th I th th I th I th I th I th I th th I th I mean, I th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, tho- tho-a, th. thi, th. thi, thatize thatize thatize that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi ta ta ta ta ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta.. I mean, we just care about inputs versus outputs. You know what I mean? I mean, I hear you. I was in Singapore and that explains a lot of everything there. Yeah. It's just extremely efficient. What is the best thing and then they just do it? Yeah, we don't care about labeling stuff.
Starting point is 00:14:38 We're not about labels. Just go for it. But that's weird because like you've spent a lot of time living in Singapore and you label me all the time. Yeah, but that's well in America That's why I came here for the label things and people. Oh Oh So in Singapore, you'd be nicer to me. Oh 100% yeah, this wouldn't even we couldn't even do this show in Singapore Would be arrested immediately Singapore? Singapore you'll live forever, but you'll have way way less fun. Okay? All it's you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th, th th th th, th th, th th th th th th, th, th th th th, thi thi thi that's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that thi thi that that that that that that that that, let's move to Washington, D.C. It's like Washington Marvel, but not as good.
Starting point is 00:15:10 Over the weekend, after months of fighting between liberal and moderate Democrats, the House finally passed America's biggest infrastructure bill in decades. It's going to do things like repair America's crumbling bridges, fix America's crumbling roads and vacuum up the mess from America's crumbling bridges, fix America's crumbling roads, and vacuum up the mess from America's crumbling Nature Valley granola bars. Who makes those things? Why did they never stick to kids like you don't have any? And even though this bill was mostly passed along party lines, it wouldn't have gotten
Starting point is 00:15:37 through if 13 Republicans hadn't voted for it too, which a lot of their fellow Republicans are now really pissed about. In fact, Donald Trump said the Republicans who voted to fix America's infrastructure should be ashamed of themselves. And Marjorie Taylor Green, she called them traitors who are helping the communist takeover of America. Which I know sounds crazy, but think about it. How are Soviet tanks going to invade America over the newly refurbished roads and bridges?
Starting point is 00:16:08 That's why you've got to keep your infrastructure broken. It's called Homeland Security, people. But for some Republicans who helped to pass the infrastructure bill, those comments from Trump and Green were actually the nicer ones. One member of Congress says he's been harassed for actually trying to deliver for folks back home. Congressman Fred Upton was one of just 13 Republicans to vote for the president's infrastructure bill last week.
Starting point is 00:16:33 Partly thanks to Upton's vote, more than $10 billion will head to Michigan to help fix those lead pipes along with bridges and roads. Despite that, one of Upton's constituents left him this voicemail. And the F. Traitor. That's what you are. You're a f-p-pc-pcrater. I hope you die? I hope everybody and your f-flaid thiys. You're a piece of shit, trash, mother-fooed for dumb ass fucking b-finding. You're stupider thii. He can't even complete a sentence. You dumb, mother-fraider. Piece of shit, piece of trash. Hope you fucking die, hope your family dies. Hope everybody your f-staff dies.
Starting point is 00:17:14 You're a piece of fucking shit. So, Raider! And they say political discourse is dead. You know, I know this is terrible, but if you look at the bright side, he's just saying things that are eventually going to happen. We are all going to die. All our families are going to die. So on a long enough timeline, he's just stating facts.
Starting point is 00:17:33 At the same time, though, I will admit this is really shit on an instocomans like a normal person. What's amazing to me about this situation is that this partisan anger. It's happening over an infrastructure bill, people. Infrastructure. I mean, I would get it if the new roads they were building all led to an abortion clinic, or if they were adding special carpool lanes that were just for non-binary. But it's just fixing things for everybody. So I don't get the anger. I mean, this dude was so furious by the end of it, he was running out of people to threaten.
Starting point is 00:18:08 I hope your family dies and your staff dies and your friends from college and the guy at Starbucks who knows your order. I hope he dies. I hope my family dies and you feel guilty about it. God damn it. You know, sadly, this is the climate that public officials have to deal with these days. Congress members are receiving so many threats that now they're just going to have to change their call menu. Yeah, it's going to be like, to ask a question, press one. For office hours and address, press two.
Starting point is 00:18:36 To tell your representative to go f- Trevor, I think you're misunderstanding here. That guy was just speaking American. He was just saying, I wish you would read the details of the bill because we believe that the state should decide where the funding should go instead of federal government. Like, right, I'll speak American to you right now. Okay. Fee you. Feek your family. I hope you die. I hope they die. Well, I was really saying American is, can you come over for Thanksgiving. I really really really really to to to to to to to to to to to to have tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thathea, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm just thi, I'm just thi, I'm just thi, I'm just thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, three th die. What I was really saying American is, can you come over for Thanksgiving? I really love to have you.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Wow. Am I invited to Thanksgiving? Yeah, of course. Fee-you. Okay, cool. Now, while most of Congress is arguing over infrastructure and social services, Josh Hawley, Senator from Missouri, and that guy to a high school reunion who keeps telling everyone how much his watch cost has his eye on some much, much bigger balls. Men are no longer men.
Starting point is 00:19:29 That is the lament of Republican Senator Josh Hawley, who's really trying to make masculinity a political issue. The left-wing attack on manhood says to men, you're part of the problem. It says that your masculinity is inherently problematic. It's inherently oppressive. As conservatives, we've got to call men back to responsibility. We've got to say that spending your time not working, and we have more and more men who are not working, spending your time on video games, spending your time watching porn
Starting point is 00:19:56 while doing nothing is not good for you, your family or this country. Okay, first of all, working and watching porn are not mutually exclusive. Plenty of men have figured out how to do it. It's called multitasking, Senator. And honestly, I'm surprised that Josh Hawley is criticizing porn because that's the last place that upholds traditional gender roles. So is a pizza delivery guy or a pool boy, while the women are cast in traditional feminine roles like step mom, step sister, or step chairleader. And don't get me wrong, don't get me wrong.
Starting point is 00:20:30 There is an argument to be made about the negative effects of excessive porn and video games on society, but to blame it on the left-wing attack on manhood, you know why people are watching more porn because it's too easy now. Do you know how much effort it took to watch porn back in the day? You couldn't just pull it up on your phone. You can just type something into your laptop.
Starting point is 00:20:54 No. You have to ask to borrow a sticky old magazine from your older brother's cousin's friend. And he buried it in a secret spot out in the woods. So you're out there in the woods. You're trying to find this magazine, covered in dirt, fending off chipmunks and owls. You get lost out there because you didn't have an iPhone yet. So now you're wandering around the woods, you're hungry. But all you brought with you was the lotion.
Starting point is 00:21:18 So now you're finding the magazine, you just rub one out to the hardest tree you can find. Is that the dignity you're talking about, Senator Hawley? I nearly died in those woods, man. I nearly died. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not with zip recruiter. Zip recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free
Starting point is 00:21:49 at Zip Recruiter.com. Zip Recruiters' smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, showing you qualified people for it, and you can use Zip Recruiter's pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. Again that's zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip Recruiter the
Starting point is 00:22:30 smartest way to hire. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968 there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You rolling. But that's all about to change. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thate. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Money. It's the world's number one favorite thing to embezzle. And as of now, you need a lot more of it to buy all the stuff you need. The government just released brand new numbers on inflation from October.
Starting point is 00:23:19 They're big. America's prices surging more than they have in 30 years and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. Unfortunately, the numbers are all moving in the wrong direction. Consumer prices were up by 6.2% in October from the year before. Now let me walk you through some of the individual items. Look at computers and smart home assistance up more than 10%. Washers and dryers up nearly 15%. We're paying more for energy. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to heat to heat to heat to heat to heat to heat to heat to heat to heat to heat to heat to heat to heat to their their their their their their their theirisions up more than 10 percent, washers and dryers up nearly 15
Starting point is 00:23:45 percent. We're paying more for energy, we're paying more to heat our homes, we're paying more for our housing, when we go to the grocery store, paying more for beef and for eggs, for food, used cars, new cars, trucks as well. The president taking a harder line, saying in a statement, quote, inflation hurts Americans' pocketbooks. And reversing this trend is a top priority for me. Yeah, guys, inflation is becoming a real problem. I went to a gas station today and for a gallon of regular, it just said, kill yourself. Now, some critics are saying that America's inflation problems
Starting point is 00:24:19 are President Biden's fault. But here's the only issue with that argument. Almost every country in the world is dealing with this issue, which means President Biden is actually screwing up the entire world. But whether his policies have contributed to inflation or it was always going to happen when society emerged from the pandemic, this is a big danger to Biden politically, because inflation is one of the economic concepts that normal people actually care about. Like, let's be honest, the debt ceiling, the federal the federal the federal the federal the federal the federal the federal the federal the federal the federal the federal, the federal, the federal, the federal, the federal, the federal, the federal, the the the the the the the the the the the the the is one of the economic concepts that normal people actually care about. Like, let's be honest, the debt ceiling, the federal reserve, derivatives, that's all just shit we pretend to understand.
Starting point is 00:24:52 Oh, yeah, the dead ceiling, the dead ceiling. But when you hear inflation is rising, you know it means you're about to be a broke bitch. The only good part of inflation is that I was always jealous of those old guys who would be like, back in my day, you could buy a house with a dollar. It looks like now, if inflation gets bad enough, we'll get to be those old guys. Oh yeah, back in my day, a million dollars could buy a whole lot more than just a haircut. But look, yes, material goods are increasing in price. And that is why people, it's important to value the things
Starting point is 00:25:25 that are always free, like spending time with your family or rubbing people. You know, the important things in life, Roy. The thing with inflation, though, man, like, honestly, I think that's why like people appreciate hand-me-downs. Like, that's why I came from was a hand-me-down culture. So, you know, I ain't really worried about shit going up in price, because I always knew that I was gonna get my older brother shit. That's how we live. My older brother right now, I got an older brother, Arthur. He got a damn Reno jersey, chalk line, throwback, Mitchell and this, and I'm gonna get that
Starting point is 00:25:58 bitch that bitch sooner or later. Oh, wow, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm gonna that I'm gonna that I'm gonna that I'm gonna that I'm gonna get that I'm gonna get that I'm gonna get that I'm gonna get that I'm gonna get that I'm gonna get that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I that I that I that I was that I that I that I was that I was that I was that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that to tell me that you were good for you, Roy. No, I'm still waiting on it though, man. I'm still waiting on it. I'm going to get that damn jersey, man. Amen. Also, the other issue is that, like, honestly, like, $20 don't do what it used to do. Honestly, like, $20 don't do what it used to do. Because I remember back in 93, your mama could drop you off at the mall with $20. You can live at the mall three days. And you come back to the house with $6 change.
Starting point is 00:26:31 Like that was a good time. The $20, you can get a Bell Bill to Vote ticket. You can get a flintzone push up. You can get your two pairs of to. You can't to get your mug. You can get your mug. You can get your mug. You can get your mug. You can get your mug. You. You. You. You can get your mug. You. You. You their their their their their tho. You. You. You their their their their thoes. tho. You thi. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. And thoes. And thoes. And thoes. And tho. And tho. And tho. And tho. And tho. And tho. And tho. And tho. And thi. And to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to t. to. to. the the thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the boys in the hood at the Midfield Sixth Cinema right there in Birmingham. You've got a fantastic memory. Oh, yeah. All right, well, let's move on to another big story rippling through Washington. The relationship between Democrats and Republicans in Congress
Starting point is 00:26:53 isn't in a great place right now. We all know this, right? Which I guess is what happens when one side gets the other side killed by a Viking. But now, a Republican from Arizona has sent out a tweet, and something tells me it's not going to make things better. Republican Congressman Paul Gosar of Arizona, under fire for posting a photoshopped anime video, depicting him attacking and killing Democratic Congresswoman Alexandria Ocassio Cortez. The video also depicts Gosar's character attacking President Biden.
Starting point is 00:27:24 House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is calling for the House Ethics Committee and law enforcement to investigate the video. Gossar says in part, the cartoon depicts the symbolic nature of a battle between lawful and unlawful policies, and in no way intended to be a targeted attack against Representative Cortez or Mr. Biden. It is a symbolic cartoon. It is not real life. Congressman Gosar cannot fly. I mean, get the f-a' s-b-a'-s-a'-sembolic? You see, when I put AOC's head on the cartoon, that represents AOC. It's got layers. Just admit you posted the thing for a laugh.
Starting point is 00:27:58 Because, look, I'll be honest with you, I know we're all supposed to put on our concerned faces and wag our finger at him for threatening violence, but I don't know about you. It is hard to watch that cartoon and see it as a real threat. I mean, forget flying. Look at this dude. Does he look like he could pick up two swords at once? It's clearly a fantasy. On the other hand, though, it's harder to believe that Gossar didn't intend th, th –, th –, thke, th –, th-in, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-a, th-s, th-s, thi, thi, thi, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr-s, thr-s, thr, thr-s, thr-a, thr-a, thi, thi, thi, thossar didn't intend a targeted attack when he supported a targeted attack on January 6th. Like here's the thing, you can do memes or you can plot an insurrection.
Starting point is 00:28:34 You can't do both. You got to pick. And I know it's just a cartoon, but let's not pretend that cartoons can't also influence people. Because the teenage mutant Ninja Turtles, they made it sound really cool to live in a sewer, but let me tell you, the pizza you find down there is terrible. I mean it's not as bad as Papa John's, but still, you don't want to eat it. The bigger issue with that story, bro is that that dude is a dentist. I don't want my dentist making videos, go learn some teeth shit and make sure that my mouth straight. That's why these politicians need to just start fighting, man. Like, I was watching a hockey match. They just start fighting at the beginning.
Starting point is 00:29:14 Like, there's days in hockey where they just go, you know, we're fighting today. Yeah, and then they fight. There will be no hockey until we fight. And then they fight. And then they get they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they fight, and then they get on with their business. And that's what they need to do. They need to square it, man. I'm gonna be with you in a second. I'm trying to order these last couple bits of groceries. This price is starting to go up. Wait, what do you mean? Because of inflation?
Starting point is 00:29:32 I guess so, when the truck that delivers the goods needs more gas. So the goods on the truck cost more, which means that everything on the truck costs more. So that's food. That's like, it's no different when the shutdown. Everybody's buying all the toilet tissue. So that's the same thing that's probably going to have, matter of fact, that's the same, that, that, the, that, that, that, that, the same, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi., that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th.., thi., their., their., their., their. their. their. their. their. thi. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's theels too because that's going to be next. Oh yeah, well good luck with that. I don't think it's going to be like a big deal, you know? I mean, I hope you're right. I don't, don't, don't, don't stress. Order a few, but you'll see.
Starting point is 00:30:13 Okay. Yeah, I'm going to go up another story out of Instagram that people are talking about. And it has to do with pet photos. We all know that people love posting photos of their pets to Instagram. It's a great way to tell the world. You know how there are millions of identical corgis out there? Well, I own one of them.
Starting point is 00:30:38 But one account on Instagram recently gave people even more reasons reasons reasons reasons reasons reasons reasons reasons reasons to to to the reasons to to their to their to their to to their to their to their to to their to to post their pet photos, and it did not end well. What started as a social media promise from a business just spins out of control. It's social media campaign that was launched a little bit over a week ago, an Instagram appeal that basically called on people to post a picture of their pet and if they did so, well, a tree would supposedly be planted. Now many did answer the call, as you say, more than 4 million people posting a pet in the last seven or eight days. The creator of the post admitted to deleting it after 10 minutes because he did not have the resources
Starting point is 00:31:13 to plant that many trees. Ah, man, I actually feel bad for this guy. I mean, we've all been in a position where you try to do something nice to to to do to do to do to do to do something to do something to do something to do something to do something to do something to do something to do something to do something to do something to do something nice and then you over extend yourself. You know, he was like, hey, everybody post pet photos, I'll plant the trees. Four million people? Shit. I've been in that situation, you know, like you agreed to be godparents to your friends' kids, but now if your friends die, all of a sudden you got to raise them? I thought godparent just meant, like sending them toys on their birthday. Anyway if anyone wants some kids hit me
Starting point is 00:31:49 up. Honestly if I was this dude I would have just lied. Yeah I would have just said I planted the trees. Who's gonna know? Someone calls you out on it you can just point at any tree and be like that one thrown. What are they gonna do? Check its birth certificate? Yeah, I planted that tree. Yeah, I know it looks old as an old tree. You know what old trees are? It's old trees. They come like that. They're grown. And you know what this guy's real mistake was? Was asking for pet pictures. People are gonna do that anyway. People post pet pictures all the time. It's too easy. If you want to get people to ask their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their threes. They's threes. They's threes. They's threes. They's threes. They're threes. They're thrown. They're the. They're thoes thoes thoes thoes they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they're they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thrown. They's thrown. They're thrown. They're thrown. They're thrown. They're thrown. They're thrown. They're grown. They're grown. They're grown. their their tree. their t of your grandparents. Yeah, you make them earn that tree. Get like five people tops. One grandmother sending them herself.
Starting point is 00:32:32 I don't have any grandkids, but I want that tree planted. Although, should we really be planting more trees? I mean, with the state of climate change right now, all you're really doing is giving wildfires and all you can eat buffet. In my opinion we should be starving these fires. That's why I'm launching a new campaign of my own. For every brunch photo you post on Instagram I will destroy one tree. This one's for you mother earth. No no no no no no no well you think it's the wrong it was a joke I'm not gonna actually like no no no no out of stock, out of stock.
Starting point is 00:33:06 What's going on, Roy? It's happening, d'al. What's happening? It's happening. It's happening. What's happening? You just, theymea's, it's happening. theyreau, it's happening.
Starting point is 00:33:15 the guy. If there's no more trees, then there's no more paper towels. And that means paper towel, and that means paper towels and I got to order these paper towels. I'm ordering them right now. No, that's not just because there's no... You want some paper towel. No, I don't need to... Do you want some paper tiles. toware. There's. their. thes. thes. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. their towar. towar. towar. towels. towels. towels. towa. towa. tow. towa. the paper tiles. tiles. tiles. tiles. tiles. tiles. tiles. tiles. tiles. tiles. towa. towa. towa. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towar. towa. towa. ass. I don't wipe my ass with paper towels, first of all. You will when there's no more toilet tissue. You need to calm down. You need to calm down. We're supposed to be having fun with the... We're supposed to be having fun with the things you're stressed about. Anyway, let's make like teenagers and move from Instagram to cook a gourmet meal in 10 seconds, how to harmonize with yourself? What features every other social media company will have in six months? You can
Starting point is 00:34:10 learn everything. And one girl learned something that just might have saved her life. Investigators say a hand signal seen on many Tick-Tock videos on social media helped lead to the rescue of a missing 16-year-old girl from North Carolina. Sheriff's deputies in Kentucky say a driver called 911. Reporting a girl in a nearby car made these hand gestures to warn she wasn't safe. And you tuc your thumb in and all four fingers over that thumb and back and forth. Incredible they found the car, arrested this 61-year-old man. He now faces charges charges including unlawful imprisonment. Man, this is amazing. And it's a good thing about perverts being old men because there was no chance of that 61-year-old man seeing that hand signal and going, yo, yo, that's a thing from Tick-Tuck.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Hype! But this is impressive, man, you just do this and it means you are in danger. The only thing about secret signals is they only work if the right amount of the the to to the to to the to the to to the amount of people know about them. Like I'll be honest, I hadn't heard of this signal before this story. So I'm glad I wasn't the person in the car, because if I was in my car and that girl had driven by me and made that sign, I would have just been like, right on, sister, black power. I for one, I'm really excited about this because I think we're long overdue a hand signal that means you're in danger. You know, we have so many other hand signals for other things. You know, I'm choking, I'm gonna kill you, can I put my leftover hot dog in your empty Pringles can?
Starting point is 00:35:33 It's not enough. Come on, come on. Roy, what's, what's going on, man? I'm preparing for the inflation. I'm getting the paper tiles now before the prices get too crazy. Because everybody's going to try and buy all of the shit, bro. What are you talking about? Hey, man, this website is that.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Can I get your password real quick for your Amazon? Because this Amazon is. Yeah, but my Amazon is. You don't have like an African Amazon or something that you use like a separate? No, why would they be an African Amazon? That's what an Amazon is. No, that's South America. I'm South Africa. That's my bad. You gonna give me your password or not, though?
Starting point is 00:36:15 No, I'm not gonna give you, Roy, you don't need... Dude, we're doing the jokes. You're stressing, look how much paper towels you got. This is not enough. Bro, inflation is all around us. I've been thinking about this, man. I've been thinking, everything is expanding. It's not just a price of gas and milk and food. Everything's expanding. Tweets are longer, movies are longer. This show is 45 minutes. The next Spider-Man has three Spider-Man in it. Multiverse. We need enough paper towel to wipe our ass in three different universes. This is not enough. Why are you wiping your ass with paper towels? What happened to tissue?
Starting point is 00:36:49 Because all the toilet tissue been sold out. Okay. Do you want some paper towel? No, Roy, I don't need... Do you want your paper towel? Roy, relax. This is crazy, just relax. I'm just, you're just being crazy right now. All right, finally, let's talk about working from home. More and more people are working from home. And it definitely has its benefits, right? There's no commuting.
Starting point is 00:37:14 You don't have to share a bathroom. You can watch your kids grow up into losers right in front of your eyes. But they are drawbacks too. And one of them that a lot of people have people people people people pandemic is that when you don't actually leave the office at the end of the day, the workday never really ends. Which is why one country has had enough. Portugal is not playing around with work-life balance this morning. The Portuguese Parliament has just passed a new labor law, making it illegal for employers to contact their employees when they are off the clock.
Starting point is 00:37:48 Under this new rule, employers could be penalized for contacting employees after work hours and will be forced to pay for increased expenses as a result of working from home. Things like the employees gas, even their electricity bill. Wow, Portugal. This is so gangster, making it illegal to contact employees out of work. You realize that means now when your boss calls you during dinner, you can just pick up the phone and be like, hold on, hold on, sir. Yes, let me put you on a conference call with the police, bitch! And this law, this law will have effects beyond Portugal. You understand that.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Because if Portugal is going to be working less, that means they're going to be producing less. And then that means that the rest of the world isn't going to get as much of... they're not going to get as much... what are dogs? What do they make in Portugal? By the way, this really shows you the difference between Portugal and America, like a labor victory in Portugal and most of Europe is outlawing your boss contacting you off to 5 p.m. That's a victory. Meanwhile in America, a major labor victory is like, now Amazon workers get a choice of plastic or glass bottles to pee in. We did it, guys! Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
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Starting point is 00:39:54 Recruiter.com slash zip. that's zip recruiter.com. Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.. the th. th. th. th. th. th. There's th. th. There's th. th. the. theckeckeckeckeckecke-1. There's thea-S. thea-Sepepephapea-Sepephapease. the, the. the. the. the. the. the. There's the. There's the. There's the. There's the. There's the. There's th. There's th. There. There. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the-S. 0e-S. 0e-S. 0ea'nipea'nipea'nipea'nipea'ea'nipea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'er. 0e what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17th.
Starting point is 00:40:32 For over a year now, everyone has been asking two questions about the Corona pandemic. One, do masks make everyone's breath smell like shit or just mine? And two, if those thermometer guns really looks really the corona pandemic. One, do masks make everyone's breath smell like shit, or just mine? And two, if those thermometer guns really work, then why did we take our temperature up our butts all those years? Oh, and there's actually another question that everyone has been wondering, when is the pandemic finally going to be over? Well, with COVID cases now stalling at a pretty high level,
Starting point is 00:41:05 it is looking more and more likely that COVID may stay with us forever. Yeah, like that uncle who said he was just passing through town and then 20 years later still has your room. Now, luckily for America, the pandemic will probably never be as deadly as it was, thanks to vaccines. So you still have COVID, but not the deaths. Because America, because America, because America, because America, because America, because America, because America, because America the America the the th America thi America to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thia, thia, thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thooom. thoom. thoom. thooom, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thanks to vaccines. So you still have COVID, but not the deaths. Because America has more than enough vaccines for every man, woman, and child who doesn't
Starting point is 00:41:28 listen to Joe Rogan. In fact, the United States has so many vaccines that they finally decided to make it rain on the rest of the world. Now, the U.S. is aiming to send. They include the Democratic Republic of Congo, South Sudan, and Yemen. Reports say Secretary of State Anthony Blinken announced a deal between Johnson and Johnson and the Kovacs vaccine sharing program. Blinken says that less than 2% of the population living in conflict zones are vaccinated. America is sending the Johnson and Johnson vaccine into conflict zones. Hasn't Yemen been through enough? I mean, it's bad enough that poor countries get tissue the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the Johnson and Johnson vaccine into conflict zones. Hasn't Yemen been through enough?
Starting point is 00:42:07 I mean, it's bad enough that poor countries get t-shirts from the losing Super Bowl team, but now they have to get the third place vaccine. By the way, you know how mega people always at their rallies with the t-shirts that say Trump won? Do you ever wonder, did they get the t-shirts that were supposed to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go the the to go the the t-shirts that say Trump won. Do you ever wonder, did they get the t-shirts that were supposed to go to Africa? Maybe they were like, no, no, keep them here. Maybe when the shipping shutdown, they're like, we can't send them to Africa, and they're like, I will wear them. We got this.
Starting point is 00:42:35 And people in Africa are like, Anyway, look, I know there are a lot of reasons why it's better to send J&J to conflict zones than Moderna or Pfizer, right? It's easier to transport, and you don't need to depend on people being able to come back for a second shot. But, I wouldn't be surprised if there were some American officials who are like, well, we're not going to waste the good vaccines on someone who's just going to step on a landmine tomorrow, am I right, fellas? And look, it is a good thing. Don't get me wrong. I mean, the last thing a conflict zone needs is corona on top of that. The only downside of this is that now you might get people who are incentivized to come to the conflict zone just to get a vaccine.
Starting point is 00:43:15 I hope that doesn't happen. Because next to you know there's going there's is is is going there's going there's going there's going there's going there's going the people there's going the people the people the people the people the people their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to be to be their their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be tooom, tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. too. the. thi. their thi. to join the Taliban. So tell me, why do you want to join our glorious cause? Oh, predominantly for the health benefits and also death to America, of course, if that helps my application, you can put that in as well. So, it's good that more and more people around the world are getting vaccinated. But the problem is, it might not be enough, because it turns out, people aren't the only ones who are spreading the Rona.
Starting point is 00:43:45 There's a study that reveals that deer are a widespread carrier of COVID-19. A study researched the North American population of white-tailed deer, and researchers say as much as 80% of the 445,000 Iowa population may carry the virus. Potentially bigger problems loom down the road. Questions still remain about COVID's effect on deer populations and we don't know yet if the virus could survive with the deer and then mutate and infect people then too. I knew it.
Starting point is 00:44:14 I knew that one day the deer would get their revenge for what we did to Bambi's mom. I don't know about you, but I was shocked when I heard this, because I didn't think that deer could get COVID. I mean, I thought they had herd immunity. Biddley-beer-boo, didlip-bip-doo. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ma'-ma'-man. But now, scientists are worried that corona might mutate in the deer and jump back into us humans. And you might be thinking, Trevor, come on,
Starting point is 00:44:45 it's not like humans are hanging out with the deer, we'll be fine. Yeah, yeah, that's what we said before that guy banged a bat. Look at us now. And we'll agree, it was Batman who did that, right? It's probably Batman. I mean, who else has a thing for bats? He's doing things in that cave. And I know we don't want to talk about this because he's our hero, but think about it, people. Think about it.
Starting point is 00:45:07 If you want the crime-fighting Batman, you've got to take the bat-finding Batman. It's a package deal. All right, and finally, we've talked a lot about how the drive-thru, you have to spit in your own food. But now, labor shortages are even threatening the Jeff Bezos of the North Pole, Santa. Staff shortages are hitting the North Pole. Department store Santas are in short supply this season due to COVID concerns. One report found the number of available Santas is down 15%. Higher Santa's helpers around the world for parties, mall appearances and more. It is a dramatic shortage and we are already sold out across the country on several dates in December.
Starting point is 00:45:55 Before the pandemic, hire Santa's said demand was already tight. But after losing some Santa's to COVID-19, some retiring and some concerned about COVID-19, it's led to a pinch on Santa's this holiday season. Yeah people, this is not surprising. Of course Santa got COVID. He spends half his time around unvaccinated children and the other half around deer. I mean the solution to this problem is pretty obvious. If you want more Sanchez, then you've got to offer them more money. Hell if you raise the pay enough you may even get the the the the the the the the to the to to to to to to the to to the to to to the to to the to the to the to the to to the the to to their, to to their, their, to be their, to be a to be a to be a to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, theirn. Ie, theirn. Ie, the, the, the, the, the, thea.aughe, thea, thea, taughe, ta, ta, ta, ta, thaughe, their, their, their, their, Sanchez, then you've got to offer them more money. Hell, if you raise the pay enough, you may even get the real Santa to sign up. I mean, that man has spent a thousand years getting paid in cookies and milk.
Starting point is 00:46:30 A job at the mall, that's a huge step up. For more on this, I want to bring in our very own, Ronnie? Because I'm applying to be a mall Santa? There's a shortage right now. Don't you listen to your own show? Yeah, I know there's a shortage, and that's why I sent you to the mall toll. I just didn't think you would want to be a mall Santa. Yeah, why not? You get to sit downtopic. It's a great job. Ronnie, Ronnie, like, here's what I'm saying. I just don't think that you would be right as a mall Santa, you know?
Starting point is 00:47:09 Why not? Well, I don't know. Like, Santa has a certain... Like, how do I put this? Like, when you think of Santa, you don't I'm Asian, because I'm a handsome Asian man. That's racist man in 2021, but thank you for the compliment. No, no, Ronnie, I didn't say that. I said you can't be Santa like, because you're a dick, Ronnie, all right, Santa needs to be nice to kids and you're not nice to people of any age. What are you talking about, man? I'm fine with kids. I'll prove it. Look, look, act like your kid. Okay, let's just role play for a second.
Starting point is 00:47:46 Tell me what you want for Christmas. Tell me what you want, come on. Okay, fine. Um, Santa, I want a fire truck and a Nintendo switch. Puh, man, fuck you kid. I don't even have a Nintendo switch. Ask you parents, they're the ones getting you all the shit. You see, this is the shit I'm talking about. Okay, okay, yeah, you know what, actually a good point. But while I'm here, I'm just going to go eat free samples at the food court until they call security.
Starting point is 00:48:12 So, peace out. Well, good luck with that, but don't talk to kids. to their little synnynoboge. Before we go, consider supporting canines for warriors. This is a really great organization that is focused on providing highly trained service dogs to veterans who are suffering from service-connected traumas. Now with the majority of the dogs coming from high-kill rescue shelters, this innovative program allows both veteran and dog to heal together. So if you want to support them in this work, then please donate at the link below. Watch the Daily Show, Week Nights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.
Starting point is 00:48:54 When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News.
Starting point is 00:49:16 Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.

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