The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories - Joe Manchin Nixes Voting Bill, Bitcoin Takes a Hit & Biden's U.K. Trip

Episode Date: June 12, 2021

Democratic Sen. Joe Manchin votes against new voting rights legislation, the value of Bitcoin cryptocurrency plummets, and President Biden makes his first foreign trip.Donate at dailyshow.com/BraveSpaceAlliance to help provide lifesaving resources like support groups, HIV prevention options, and housing and food services for Chicago's LGBTQ+ community. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiter's powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it, and you can use Zip Recruiter's pre-written

invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. that's zip recruiter.com. Zip Recruiter. The smartest way to hire. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change.

Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second th 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi-S. thi-S. Zipe-S. Z-S. th-S. thi-S. thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi-S. thi-S. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. thi-S. thi-S. thi-S. thi-S. thi-S. thi-S. thi-S. thi-S. thi-S. thi-S. thi's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Jeff Bezos, Amazon CEO, an undoubted winner of capitalism. Like a lot of recently divorced middle-aged dudes, Bezos has been going through some stuff lately. But unlike normal dudes, Bezos can't deal with his midlife crisis by just buying a sports car or brewing craft beer.

He's the world's richest man. So he's got to do something that's out of this world. Amazon founder and the world's richest man, Jeff Bezos, will soon add a new title, astronaut, his space company Blue Origin announced that this morning that Bezos and his brother Mark will fly to space on the company's first human flight. That's scheduled for July 20th. Another seat on the flight is being auctioned off this Saturday, bidding already underway and is currently more than $2.8 million.

That's right, people. Jeff Bezos is shipping himself into space. And you know who this is great news for? Elon Musk. Because you realize for a few hours he can be like, ha ha! I'm now the richest man. Ah, he's back. I'm going to go tweet about Bitcoin now.

Now, if you ask me, I think space travel is a natural fit for the founder of Amazon. I mean, think about it. Astronauts are just workers who have to wear diapers because they don't get bathroom break. So, I mean, it makes total sense. My favorite part of the story, though, is that Jeff Bezos's ship is auctioning off another seat for this trip. Why? You're Jeff Bezos. Just pay the extra money to not sit with a stranger on a trip to space. I mean, this is the culmination of your childhood dream. You don't want to spend it fighting over the armrest.

And I know $2.8 million sounds like a lot of money for a trip to space. but keep in mind, that's basically how much it costs to change your flight on United. Actually, you know what would be amazing? We should all get together and we start a go-fund me. Will we buy that second seat and we give it to Bernie Sanders? Man, that would be a trip. This flight could have paid for everyone's health care. But oh, you had to see the stars up close. And why is space so cold? Somebody turn up the damn thermostat. Let's move on now to the big political news out of the United States Senate. The political body most likely to need your help with resetting their microwave clocks.

Red states around the country have been coming up with all sorts of inventive ways to restrict voting. They're coming back on voting hours, making it harder to get mail-in ballots, and requiring that all polling locations in black neighborhoods need to be at the center of a corn maze. Makes sense. And because of all of that, Democrats have been trying to pass a new federal law that would guarantee certain voting rights nationwide. But as they just found out, sometimes it be your own people that take you down. It is Monday, June 7th,

and if Democrats were hoping to pass a voting rights bill or end the legislative filibuster, Joe Manchin just tossed a giant monkey wrench into their plants. The Democratic senator from West Virginia announcing that he will not support either an enormous setback for his party and the president. Mancension defended his decision decision. the decision. the decision. the decision. the decision. the decision. the decision. the decision. the decision. the decision. the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. thoe. th. tooom. to. to. to. to. to. to. I to. I to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. the th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. te. te. t. t. to. t. t. to. t. party and the president. Manchin defended his decision in an op-ed in the Charleston Gazette mail, writing voting and election reform that is done in a partisan manner will all but ensure partisan divisions continue to deepen. I think it's a wrong piece of legislation to bring our country to unit our country and I'm not

supporting that because I think it would divide us further. I don't want to be in a country's divide thi their their their their to be to be their to be to be, their, their, th. th. I, th. I, th. I, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, to be, the the thr-a, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, tho, tho, the, thr. I, thr. I, and thro, and thro, and throo, and throoo.ean, and tea.ea. tea. tea. tea. too. too. thea, thro. I'm the the. I'm not supporting that because I think it would divide us further. I don't want to be in a country's divided any further than I'm in right now. I love my country. And I think my Democrat and Republican colleagues feel the same. Ah, Joe Manchin. I feel you, man. I feel you, but you do realize, you and the Republicans are not playing the same game. Like you think you're solving a jigsaw puzzle together, but those guys are here for a boxing match. And I mean real boxing, not whatever Logan Poll and Floyd Mayweather were doing last night. I mean, whatever you think of Joe Manchin's bipartisan fetish, you have to acknowledge he's

a terrible negotiator. Because think of it. The only way Joe Manchin can get what he wants is if Republicans are worried that he might end the filibuster. But if he starts by saying that he won't do that, well, then Republicans have no reason to negotiate with him. It's like if a kidnapper called the family and was like, now before we discuss the ransom, you should know that your daughter escaped a couple

of days ago. I would still like a million dollars though. I will say though one one thing Joe Manchin is very good at is making himself the most important person in the room. Because in a 50-50 Senate you can become powerful just by saying that you might not agree with what everyone else in your party wants. Like a Democrat could just say, I'm not sure if we should raise taxes on the rich and everyone pays attention to them. Or a Republican could say, I'm not sure we should hang my pants. And finally, let's

make like baby girl Lisa and go to Nigeria where a fight is brewing over Twitter. Everyone loves to complain about Twitter. And some people get so sick of it that they quit completely. And then they come back six weeks later to explain why they couldn't actually quit completely. But that's for ordinary people. If you are the most powerful person in your country, it turns out if you get mad at Twitter, you can make everyone quit. Nigeria is a country plagued by kidnappings,

extremists and bandits, but the government wants to crack down on a new type of criminal, Twitter users. It it it it it. It is is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theckecke. the. theate. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th... th...................... And, th. And, th. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, they they they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll theaa. they'll they'll thea. thea. thea. the government wants to crack down on a new type of criminal Twitter users. It banned the social media platform after Twitter deleted a post by the president. Nigerians are reacting with shock and frustration after the government suspended Twitter's operations in the country on Friday. The move comes just about two days after the social media platform deleted a tweet by Nigerian President Mohammed Duhari that some say threatened to punish regional separatists. Twitter says the tweet violated its abusive behavior policy.

This morning I couldn't even tweet. You see, it's, it's, it's shameful. Damn. I can't believe it. Nigeria banned Twitter. This is outrageous, undemocratic, and indefensible. Also, I will be moving to Nigeria because that sounds like paradise. But yes, thanks to their vindictive president,

Nigerians are going to have a much harder time complaining about the government on Twitter. And on top of that, it's going to be a lot harder to spoil mail of East Town. I mean, they're going to have to go door to door now. So can you understand? The whole time, it was more about the social dynamics of a small town than about the mother itself. The mother wasn't really important.

No, damn it's a devil, y'all, why would you do that to me, oh? I'm only on episode two, how can you spoil that for me? But hey man, shout out to African presidents, because they will always remind the world what a real dictator looks like. Because remember, when Twitter started flagging Trump's tweets, all he did was throw a tantrum. You know he's got to be jealous as hell right now. It's like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I th th thuke like I th th thuice like I th thu. It's like I thu. It's like thu. It's like thu. It's like thu. It's like the the. the. the, thathe thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat. the. that. that. that, that, that, that, that, that, you that, you that, you th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. than, than, than. Why than. Why than. Why thtod thtod than. Why than. than. than than than than than than than than. than. than throw a tantrum. You know he's got to be jealous as hell right now. It's like I've always said. Those shit-hole countries, they know what they're doing. Hi, Boari. Hi, dear. And just by the way, this is random, but did you catch how the CNN anchor introduced this story? If you didn't, I'm going to play it again for you.

Nigeria is a country plagued by kidnappings, extremists, and bandits, but the government wants to crack down on a new type of criminal Twitter users. Okay, as an African, allow me to say, what the fuck? I mean, yes, that's all true, but still, what the fuck? Right, you never hear a foreign news anchor talking about the United States that way. America is a country plagued by school shootings, extremists, and failing infrastructure. But the government wants to raise the price of postage stamps. Bitcoin, the only thing that's more volatile than the president's dog.

After reaching an all-time high just a couple of months ago, the world's most popular cryptocurrency has been cratering lately, thanks to an endless onslaught of bad news. Bitcoin and other cryptocurancies are under pressure amid concerns that China may escalate again. It's cracked down on the industry. Your morning crypto check. Bitcoin has been all over the place.

It had a rough day, certainly over the weekend. It fell after Chinese social media platform, Webo suspended several crypto-related pages. Bitcoin giving up most of today's gains after the US Treasury calls for a crackdown on crypto accounting. The department says it will require transfers of $10,000 or more to be reported to the IRS and describes crypto as a, quote, significant detection problem when it comes........ We. We. We. We. We. We, the the c. We, the c. We, the c. We, the c. We, the c. We, the be reported to the IRS and describes crypto as a quote Significant detection problem when it comes to taxes check out the cryptocurrency Sliding over a tweet from Elon Musk the tessel CEO tweeting hashtag Bitcoin with a broken heart emoji and a picture of a couple talking about a breakup. Ah shame man, you know, I don't care if you're a person or a currency

Nobody wants to get dumped in public by a tweet Ah, shame, man. You know, I don't care if you're a person or a currency. Nobody wants to get dumped in public by a tweet. The only way to get dumped that's more embarrassing than that is if someone objects at your wedding and it actually works. Oh, shit, is that Brad? Oh, man, I didn't know Brad was singing. Come on up here, baby. Now, it's bad enough for Bitcoin that it's number one fanboys off the bandwagon, but the real threat to Bitcoin is increased crackdowns from the likes of China and the

IRS. And it turns out that they're not the Bitcoin crowd, dissing the original cryptocurrency. The currency of this world should be the dollar. And I don't think we should have all of the bitcoins of the world out there. Bitcoin, it just seems like a scam. I think they should regulate them very, very high. Regulate them very, very high? Never before has a person born and raised in America talked so much like a European guy who's trying to blend in. I think they should regulate them how you say very very high, yes? Now to be honest with you I would have thought

Trump would be a huge fan of Bitcoin. I mean it's a way to both hide dirty money and destroy the environment at the same time. What's not to like? But keep in mind, just because Trump calls it a scam doesn't mean that he's against it. It just means he's probably working on his own version. Like I say there's a 99% chance that by the end of the year he's going to introduce the Trump coin. It might look like a Chuckie Cheese token and you can only use it a Chuckie Cheese but that's called the blockchain the blockchain the blockchain the blockchain the blockchain the blockchain. the blockchain. the blockchain. the blockchain. the blockchain. the blockchain. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. thi. thi. Now, thi. thi. to to to to to true. true. But, true. But, true. to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. true. true. But, true. true. true. But, true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. But, troken and you can only use it a chucky cheese but that's called the blockchain. Now lots of people have wanted to regulate Bitcoin for a long time but what has always made that so difficult is that

it's untraceable. I mean that's why it's the preferred payment method of drug lords, international hackers and people who subscribe to my only fans. It's where I wear my skimpiest hoodies. But now, people who assumed that nobody could see what they were doing with Bitcoin might be having some second thoughts. The Justice Department has managed to seize a big portion of the money that Colonial Pipeline paid to Russian hackers. On Monday, the Justice Department said it seized 63.7 bit which is the equivalent, which is big portion of the money that colonial pipeline paid to Russian hackers. On Monday the Justice Department said it seized 63.7 bitcoins, which is the equivalent of $2.3 million, more than half the ransom payment.

Cryptocurrency is favored by cybercriminals because it allows for direct online payments regardless of location. But in this case, FBI agents obtained the private key or password for the cyber criminal's cryptocurrency wallet. Bitcoin was designed to be, let's, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the thiased the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thiiii, thi, th, th, the th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thiased thiased thiased thease thease thease theaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseasease, the, the,the private key or password for the cyber criminal's cryptocurrency wallet. Bitcoin was designed to be, let's, you know, to put it, I can put it easily, it's untraceable. It's designed to be untraceable. This is a first, as far as I know. The DOJ recovered 85% of the bitcoins paid in the ransom, but since then, Bitcoin has lost a considerable

amount of value. So th, thi the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, but thi, but thi, but thi, but thi, but thi, but thi, but thi, but thi, but in thi, but in thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. Bitcoin, thi. B. B. B. But, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. togy. togy. togy. Bitcoin, Bitcoin, Bitcoin, Bitcoin, Bitcoin, Bitcoin, Bitcoin, Bitcoin, thi. Bitcoin wasa amount of value so what colonial pipeline got back is worth 2.3 million dollars or 2 million dollars less than what they originally paid. Damn! The FBI managed to track this ransom down and take it back. This is a huge blow for Bitcoin's reputation. I mean Bitcoin without untraceability is like Superman without any powers. Now you're just some creep with these underwear on the outside. I don't want you catching me falling from anywhere. And if you're a hacker, now what do you do? I mean, if Bitcoin is not safe? I mean, maybe instead of using high-tech money, they need to go the complete opposite direction, demand all their payments in seashells. And not those broken seashells either. I. I. I. I. I th, I the th, I th, I their th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thine, I thine, I thine, I thine, I thine, I thoing thoing thoing's thoing thoing's the, I'm the, demand all their payments in seashells. And not those broken seashells either.

I want the big smooth ones where you can hear the ocean so I can always remember this magical day. So, Bitcoin is facing a lot of headwinds right now. From increased regulation to the FBI tracking it around the internet like it's a black guy in a department store. And hopefully you didn't buy Bitcoin at its peak in April because, as of today, tod today tod today today, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, today, today, today, today, today, I the the the the the tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I thi, I the tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, the the the the thi, thi, the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes, thoes, tho. thoes, the FBI tracking it around the internet like it's a black guy in a department store. And hopefully you didn't buy Bitcoin at its peak in April because as of today, it's down almost 50 percent. But it doesn't seem like true believers of Bitcoin are going anywhere any time soon. This morning the surging popularity of cryptocurrency's on full display.

Bitcoin 2021 considered the largest crypto conference in history. of cryptocurrency's on full display. Bitcoin 2021, considered the largest crypto conference in history. Honestly, it's exhilarating. I feel like it's fresh, it's new. It's so interesting to see people come from all over the world. A sold-out event with some 12,000 ticket holders. It's the most exciting event in the world right now. Flocking to see headliners from Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey to Boxer Floyd Mayweather.

Speakers, investors and scholars talked about the crypto's rapid growth and its future. Elon Musk was in the crosshairs of the Bitcoin faithful. We're not selling. Wow, okay. I don't know what's up with that guy, but I do know you can't roll up Bitcoin and snort anything with it so we can rule that out. But honestly, after seeing that, I'm back on board, man. Because yeah, Bitcoin is incredibly volatile and unpredictable and now the FBI is tracking it. But on the other hand, it does seem fun as hell. I mean, you get to go to huge conventions in Miami with thousands of people and you get the the to to to hang to to to to to to to to to to the thiiiiii. the thi. And the thi. And thi. And the to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiolioliolk thi. thi. thiolk thiolk thiolk. thi, thi, thi, thi, thiolip. thiolome. thi. thi. thi. thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. You thi. You thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thin thin thin to thin to thin to thin thin thin thin. thin thi thi thin. thi thi thi thi, you get to go to huge conventions in Miami with thousands of people, and you get to hang out with Crypto Willy Wonka. I mean, you don't get that kind of energy from fans of the dollar or the euro, and you definitely

don't get it at the seashell convention. All right, everybody, what we're going to do now is put our money up to our ear and listen to the sound of the ocean. Ah! My money has a crab in it! Ah, somebody helped me! Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com.ziprecruiter's smart technology identifies

top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiters' powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it. And you can use Zip Recruiters' pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the other to the other to the other to the other the other to the other to the other to the other to message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address,

zip recruiter.com slash zip.ziprecruiter.com slash zip. Ziprecruiter, the smartest way to hire. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's the s. the s. the s. The s. The s. The s. The s. The s. The s. The s. The s. The s. The s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s smartest. The smartest. The smartest. The smartest. The smartest. The smartest. The smartest. The smartest. The smartest. the s s s. the smartest. The sa'est. The sa'est. The smartest. The smartest. The smartest. The smartest. The s. The s.s.s.s.s. The s.s.s.s. The s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s. the s. the s. the s. the s. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change. Like, none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible.

I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Insects, they're like aliens that you can kill with a shoe. It has been about a month since the brood 10 cicada swarm emerged in the eastern United States. And it turns out their charm is quickly wearing off. A cicada is being blamed for causing an Ohio car accident. Cincinnati police say that one of the insects flew through an open car window Monday, hitting the driver in the face. The car drove off the road and then crashed into a utility the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.ca. th. th. It. It's. It's. It's.ca.c. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It.c. I. It.c. I. I.c. I.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c.c. t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t the driver in the face. The car drove off the road and then crashed

into a utility pole. Cicadas grounding the White House press corps flight as they attempted to fly to Europe for President Biden's first foreign trip. The pesky insects apparently the blame for mechanical issues on the plane. Before boarding Air Force One, the president had to swat away a pretty big cicada that landed on his neck. I got a cicada. I just got one. It got me.

Oh shit. A cicada got Joe Biden? Oh man, I'm no scientist. But I'm pretty sure that that means Joe Biden is now going to turn into a cicada. My fellow Americans, the state of the union is... And for people living in areas where these cicadas have taken over, they're basically ruining your life. I mean you walk out your door, they're all over your lawn. You drive to work, they're running your car off the road. You stumble home and they're in bed with your spouse. Oh come on, honey, a cicada? He's 17!

Moving on now to some personal finance news. If you hate paying taxes, well, first of all, congratulations on being basic, and also, congratulations on being a billionaire. A bombshell report by ProPublica reveals reveals just how little the wealthiest Americans have been paying in taxes. ProPublica obtained more than 15 years of never before seeing IRS information about the

25 richest Americans and found that sometimes they paid little or no federal income taxes. In 2018, for example, ProPublica found Elon Musk paid no federal income tax. Neither did Jeff Bezos in 2007 or 2011. The same year he claimed a $4,000 child tax. Neither did Jeff Bezos in 2007 or 2011, the same year he claimed a $4,000 child tax credit. And renowned investor Warren Buffett avoided the most tax of any of the billionaires pro-publica looked at, according to the report. As shocking as it is, nothing that they did is illegal.

Everything that they did is in keeping with our tax code. And the basic reason is we tax income not wealth. Rich people often grow their fortunes through stocks, real estate, or companies, so they don't have to pay taxes until they sell. And they can offset their income in other ways, too, meaning it's legal to be worth a lot and pay a little. Oh, wait. It's good to be a billionaire. I mean, imagine being so rich that you can afford accountants who make you look poor.

Think about it. Jeff Bezos is so good at hiding his wealth that he qualified for a child tax credit. This dude built his own rocket to take him to space. And the US government is like, hey brother, Credit. This dude built his own rocket to take him to space. And the US government is like, hey brother, here's something for the kids until you can get back on your feet. Hard times, Jeff. And yeah, this is something that everyone already suspected, but it's still shocking to see proof right in front of you. It's the difference between knowing how hot dogs are made and watching them put the puppies in the machines. Yo, that's crazy. Well, then, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that that that thi, thi, that that that that that thathe thathea- the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th th th th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th. th, th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th thathe thathe that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the that that and watching them put the puppies in the machines. Yo, that's crazy. Well then what was I eating? And the

thing is, much like wearing cargo shorts to the Pride Parade, these tax loopholes are both messed up and completely legal. So if you want to change the system, then you need to take action and write to your Congress person. Then your congressperson can hold your letter in one hand, and the campaign check from the billionaire in the other hand, and decide which one they want to wipe their ass with. And finally, it's almost the end of the school year in most of America. Seniors are trying on their caps and gowns, getting formal face masks for their socially distanced proms, and forming new, lifelong relationships with their student student student student student student student student student their socially distance proms, and forming

new, lifelong relationships with their student loans. But some Florida students who are expecting to get their senior yearbooks this week will have to wait just a little longer. A South Florida high school now facing questions today after it stopped selling yearbooks with pages dedicated to the Black Lives Matter movement. Students at the West Broward High School added a two-page feature on how the school responded to the movement. But after some parents complained, the school stopped selling it. Teachers and parents reportedly complained that there were not any opposing views. Those that complain said that the yearbook should have mentioned something more like Blue Lives Matter or All Lives Matter. Hmm. People, people, calm down. It's. It. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the yearbook should have mentioned something more like Blue Lives Matter or All Lives Matter.

Hmm. People, people, calm down. It's silly to get this angry over two pages in a book that you're just going to throw in the attic for 40 years and then only whip out to prove to your granddaughter you were once hot. And as far as I know, yearbooks don't usually have opposing views. There's no least likely to succeed. You don't see a page that says,

Congratulations, Poetry Club on a great year. And then the next page that says, eat shit poetry club, express yourself in a narrative form or get the fuck out of here. Oh, and by the way, isn't it amazing how people always tell on themselves? Because the opposing view to black lives matter is not Blue Lives Matter or All Lives Matter, it's Black Lives Don't Matter. Yeah, and if you want to see that opinion represented, you don't need a year book.

Just look in a history book. Joe Biden, President of the United States and man who signs every text message like it's an email, arrived in Europe yesterday for his first foreign trip as president, and his first trip to England since the ribbon-cutting ceremony at Stonehenge. And it looks like he's already making headlines. This morning, President Biden is in England, where he's set to meet with Prime Minister Boris Johnson before the start of the G7 summit. Mr. Biden is also expected to announce a historic COVID vaccine donation to low-income nations. 200 million doses of the Pfizer vaccine this year,

300 million by the first half of next year, all going to 92 countries who need it the most. One of the key sort of highlights of their visit together will be this resigning, this reaffirmation as it were of the Atlantic Charter, a new Atlantic Charter, modeled after that post-war declaration from 1941 between FDR and Winston Churchill, focusing on the cooperation between the two nations. It'll highlight things like defense and trade, climate change in a shared effort to combat cyber threats as well. That's right, people. Joe Biden and Boris Johnson are updating the Atlantic Charter threats as well. That's right, people.

Joe Biden and Boris Johnson are updating the Atlantic Charter that was first signed back in 1941. And both sides got some concessions, right? The UK agreed to limit the number of royal refugees that they'll send to the US. And in exchange, the US agreed to start putting the letter U. back into words again. Plus, the UK will produce to to to to to start to start to start to start to start to start to to to start to start to to to to to the to start to the to the to start the the to start the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the Atlantic. the Atlantic. the Atlantic. the Atlantic. the Atlantic. the Atlantic. the Atlantic. the Atlantic. the Atlantic. the Atlantic. the Atlantic. the US agreed to start putting the letter U back into words again. Plus, the UK will produce more Harry Stiles'

and the US will start calling soccer football and football brain-ouchy time. Everybody wins. But that is also a huge announcement that Biden made over there. The United States is donating 500 million vaccines to the rest of the world, which seems generous, until you remember, that Biden can't get anyone else in America to take them, right? So it's kind of like giving your friend that old exercise bike that you've just been hanging your clothes on.

And let me be the first to say, on behalf of the international community, thank you to all the anti-vaxes in America. The people of the world would not have th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th thu. th thu-thea, thu-in-in-in. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. thi, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to thi. to to to to to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi the anti-vaxes in America. The people of the world would not have these vaccines if it wasn't for your commitment to believing whatever the dumbest guy from your middle school posted on Facebook. You guys are the real heroes. Moving on now to some breaking science news. We're all familiar with the oceans of the world, right? Atlantic, Pacific,

posh and sporty? Well, as of today, there's a new ocean in town. It may well be time to toss out all of your old world maps because there's a big change to tell you about. National Geographic announced this week it would now officially recognize a fifth ocean called the Southern Ocean. Geographers say the swift current circling Antarctica keeps the waters distinct and worthy of their own name. National Geographic says its map policy committee has actually been considering this change for several years. Hold up, hold up, hold up. You guys just found a new ocean on a planet

that's been around for, I don't know, like 800 years? Was it hiding behind an iceberg or something? I just, like, I don't get how we didn't realize this sooner. It's like, it's like discovering that your apartment has a second kitchen under the sofa. Huh, oh, I guess I just never looked under here before. And by the way, I love this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this thi thiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, thooooooooooooo. toe. toe. toe. toe. thoooo. the. th. the. by the way, I love how this whole thing is just a statement by National Geographic. Because you realize, they're not part of the UN or anything, right? They're just a magazine.

But they're the magazine about nature, so we all go with it. Oh, National Geographic says it, yes, yes. It's almost like if Playboy announced it's going to be true. But I have to ask, have humans learned nothing from colonization? We shouldn't go around drawing borders around the places we don't live, right? That should be up to the fishes who live there. And that's why I went under the sea to ask them about it in person. Hello, my fish friends. Where would you like us to draw your borders? What? No! Why don't you go back to where you came from?

You racist, ass fish. I'm going to say that to me. I'm trying to be your friend. I'll see you at sushi. I don't even know where fish learned the n-word. In other science news, let's talk about death. It's when you get canceled by nature. But if you've been looking for a loophole, a new discovery might just give you some hope. Well, listen to this story. Scientists say a tiny worm has come back to life after being frozen underground for 24,000 years. Not sure how they know that, but they say the microscopic organism you see here, even though it's not thrilling.

Well, Russian scientists say they found it in the permafrost lands of northeastern Siberia and transported it to a Russian lab to examine its biology and history. Scientists say the worm has by far the longest recorded survival period in a frozen state. Wow! A worm coming back to life after 24,000 years. What a miracle of science and nature and life! I'll give you five bucks if you eat that thing. And you know, we always think about things from our perspective as humans, but can you imagine what it was like for that worm?

I mean, that worm was probably surprised to see human scientists around him because 24,000 years ago, we were all just cavemen. That's how much things can change in 24,000 years. In fact, all those people who go into cryogenic storage now, they might wake up in 24,000 years and find out that the worms are now in charge. Well, well, well. If it isn't the guy who dissected my ancestor in seventh grade biology, how the tables have turned.

Also, no disrespect to worms, but it's probably easier to survive getting frozen when you're a worm. I mean, worms don't have a whole lot going on. You know, they're pretty much just a mouth and a butt. That's it. Pretty sure God was running out of ideas for animals. Then he saw that cardboard thing in the middle of a paper towel roll, and he was like, okay, that's a living thing now.

And finally, some big media news today. returned to the air for the first time in eight months, and had to have a pretty painful conversation about why he hasn't been on TV. I feel like we should address what's happened in the months since we've seen you. So I guess I'll recap. I'll do the honors. Help yourself. OK. In October, you were on a Zoom call with your colleagues

from the New Yorker magazine. Everyone took a break for several minutes during which time you were caught masturbating on camera. You were subsequently fired from that job after 27 years of working there. Do I have all that right? You got it all right, sad to say. I think one point, I wouldn't exactly say in my defense because nothing is really in my defense, I didn't think I was on the call. I didn't think other people could see me. Now, that's not a defense. This was deeply moronic and indefensible, but, I mean, that is part of the story. That is part of the story. And I have I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi th is part of, that is part of the story. And, you know, I have spent the seven subsequent months, miserable months in my life, I can certainly confess. Trying to be a better person. I mean, in therapy, trying to do some public service, working in a food bank, which I certainly am going to continue to do.

But I am trying to become the kind of person that people can trust again. Ah, I can't watch. Oh man, I cannot think of anything more awkward to watch than that interview. Okay, maybe one other thing. And you know, I bet the awkwardness lasted after that interview too, because you know that Jeffrey Tubin doesn't trust cameras anymore, right? And cut. All right, Jeffrey, we're clear.

So the camera is off. Yep. I'm just going to smash that camera with a hammer if you don't mind. You know, I don't know if you pick this up, but one thing I don't get is when he says he's been working in a food kitchen. Like, I mean, that's great. Don't get me wrong, but I don't really see the connection with what he did. You know, if anything, that's just unfair to the people at the food kitchen.

Hello, would you like a piece of fruit? No, thank you. I think I'll go a couple more days without eating. Before we go, please consider supporting an organization called The Brave Space Alliance. There are black-led, trans-led LGBTQ plus center on the south side of Chicago, and your donation helps them provide life-saving resources like support groups, HIV prevention options, and housing and food services for the entire LGBTQ Plus community of Chicago. If you are able to help in any way, go to the link below and donate what you can. Watch the Daily Show, week nights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes

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