The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories | New Details Emerge From The Jan. 6 Committee

Episode Date: June 18, 2022

Trump gets advice from a drunk Rudy Giuliani, stocks enter a bear market, Kim K ruins Marilyn's dress, and Dr. Fauci tests positive for Covid as the F.D.A. approves vaccines for kids under five. Here's what happened this week.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Washington DC has been buzzing. And not just because of Joe Biden's new extensions. Although they do look fly, no. I'm talking about the January 6 hearings, which have now officially kicked off. So, let's catch up on all the latest news. You know, different people have different ideas about what happened on January 6. For many people it was the day right-wing fanatics attacked America's democracy. For Trump supporters, it was a field trip where they got to meet their friends from the

internet. But now, the committee says that it can prove that January 6th wasn't just a spontaneous riot by an angry mob. It was the climax of a long-coordinated plot by Donald Trump, which, I don't know about you, for me, is shocking. No, because I didn't think Trump could coordinate anything in advance. The man can't even plan where a sentence should end. Like, I didn't think that would happen. But according to the committee,

Trump planned to overthrow the election because he knew that he had lost. And the reason that we know he knew that he had lost is because now everyone around him is spilling the beans. The committee relied on some of those closest to Donald Trump to make its case. His once loyal attorney general, who told investigators Trump's claims of a stolen election were bunk. I told him that the stuff that his people were settling out to the public were bullshit. I told the sthawl if he the stuff the stuff the stuff the stuff the stuff the stuff the stuff the stuff the stuff th he th he th he th he th he th he th he th he th he th he thoes thoes thoes tho-he tho-he tho-hea tho-hea tho-hea thi thi thi. I thi. I thi thi thi thi. I thi thi thi. I've thi. thi. thi. thi thi. thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi toee toe toe toe tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. the. to settling out to the public were bullshit. I mean, that the claims of fraud were bullshit. I thought, boy, if he really believes this stuff, he has, you know, lost contact with, he's become detached from reality.

And the president's own daughter and senior advisor. I respect Attorney General Barr. So I accepted what he said was saying. Hours after the hearing, Trump put out a statement saying his daughter, quote, had long sense checked out and was only trying to be respectful to Bill Barr. Wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. Ivanka checked out? When was she checked in?

Because for four years, it looked like she was just walking around trying to find her desk. When was she checked in? Checked out of what? This is like if Machine Gun Kelly said he was no longer pursuing a PhD in nuclear physics. When was that even happening? Was that a thing? But yeah. Inner circle was well aware that the election did not go their way. And they told Trump, except for one person who had the liquid courage to say that Trump did win. President Trump rejected the advice of his campaign experts on election night,

and instead followed the course recommended by an apparently inebriated Rudy Giuliani to just claim he won and insist that the vote counting stop. Was there anyone in that conversation who in your observation had had too much to drink? Uh, like, Mayor Giuliani? In the mirror was definitely intoxicated. Yeah, according to this former Trump aid, Rudy Giuliani was wasted on election night when he told Trump that the election was stolen from him. And I'm just curious about how you even know when Rudy Giuliani is drunk. No, because when a normal person is drunk, they say crazy things, they yell, they sweat a lot, so how does that work? So how does that work? thooo, his hair dye sucks back into his hair? How does this work?

And you know, it actually says a lot about Trump that a whole team of sober advisors, his attorney general, his campaign manager, his daughter, who he wants to bang. Yeah, we haven't forgotten. They were all telling him, you lost this election, sir, but then Trump was like, yeah, yeah, whatever, th, what do you think? You know what you think about, it actually makes sense that Trump would listen to a drunk person because that's the one time people probably sound like him, you know? He's just like, what are you guys, think we should do? I'll tell you what I think we should do.

Wow, there's something about this guy. He totally gets it. You'll get it. I get it. You get it. You get it. So the January 6th committee says that Trump started plotting months before the actual event, months before. And their proof that he got what he wanted is that he didn't try to stop the riot once it started. No, he didn't get on the phone with the Defense Department or call in the National Guard.

It turns out it was actually Mike Pence who did that. Yeah. Mike Pence was basically the president for a few hours, which is why we have that law now banning water for being too spicy. And it would have been bad enough if Trump did nothing, but instead, he actively actively actively actively actively actively actively actively actively actively actively actively activelyiled up the crowd even more. In one piece of never before seen video of the attack, a rioter is shown reading Trump's tweet criticizing his vice president even as the Capitol was breached and how it turned the crowd against Mike Pence. My kids didn't have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our country and our Constitution, giving states a chance to certify a corrected set of facts, not the fraudulent or inaccurate ones, which they were asked to previously

certify, the U.S. demands a truth. Bring out fake. Bring out peace. Yeah. Not only did Trump not try to stop the riot, but while it was happening, he was tweeting out statements that were riling up the mob, which is not something you expect from a president, you know, that's something you expect from a guy on the edge of a Waffle House fight. It's like, yeah, that's right, he stole your fries, you should beat his ass,

burn the whole store down. Yeah, I'll tak I I I I I'll th th th I'll th I'll th I'll thake thake th th thake tho tho that I'll that I'll that I'll that's that's that's that's that's that's not that's not that's not th. that's that's not that, I's not that, that, that, that, that, that, thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. thathean, thathea. thathea, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thee. tf.. I'm just trying to get this fight going, come on! It was wild that guy was reading the tweets. He's standing in the insurrection. He's like, here's a message from Trump right now. You know what would have been funny though? Is if that wasn't the only Trump tweak twea. Robert Patton's in should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog and will do it again. Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest and you all know it. Sorry, folks, I'm just not a fan of sharks.

And don't worry, they will be around long after we are gone. Yep, those riots has killed every shark that day. So the hearings showed Trump's team told him that he lost. He didn't do anything to stop the riots, and he actively added fuel to the fire while the capital building was being swarmed. But today, they released one of the most damning pieces of evidence proving Trump knew his election fraud claims were fake.

Which is that when he asked his supporters to donate money, so that he could fight the fraud in court, he just took the money and ran. Listen to what one of their senior investigators, Amanda Wick, said about what they discovered about the way Trump and his associates raised money. The claims that the election was stolen were so successful. President Trump and his allies raised $250 million, nearly 100 million in the first week after the election. On November 9, 2020, President Trump created a separate entity

called the Save America Pack. Most of the money raised went to this newly created PAC, not to election-related litigation. And what's important about this, Victor, it's not just that they were peddling the big lie through these emails fundraising solicitations. They also weren't using that money for the purpose of trying to truly find election fraud or fight these court battles. That's evidence of fraud.

The next question is, does the Department of Justice do anything with it? Wait, what? Donald Trump conned his supporters? That is so predictable? But how are you shocked by this? I mean, the man is consistent, if nothing else. Honestly, if you got tricked by Trump scamming you, maybe your money deserves a better home.

And yes, I'm victim blaming. I don't care. I will say what impressed me about this whole thing was how fast it was this time. The second the election ended, Trump didn't wait around. He knew it was over, and then he just went full-on Nigerian prince. Yeah, just jumped in. Like his whole scam sounded like it was an email. He's just like, hello, my friend, I am the president of a very powerful country. Sadly, I am in need of money to save my people.

Donate today, and your money will be used for the great fight, and definitely not so I can go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to and your money will be used for their great fight and definitely not so I can go to dinner with Kid Rock, huh? Send them on the please. Send it now, all of them money. So that's what we've learned from the January 6th committee hearing so far. But there is plenty more to come and we will keep you updated on all the news from this investigation. Yeah, from now up until the moment that Donald J. Trump is put behind bars. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You know that dude's going to be present again. This is America. The stock market recovered from the COVID tumble in 2020.

The stock market recovered from the COVID tumble in 2020, Wall Street has been having a blast. And the more stocks you owned, the better time you were having, which is why Warren Buffett has got those new grills. But over the last year, inflation has been rising. The Federal Reserve has been raising interest rates to cool the economy down, and now it looks like the good times times times times the good times times the good times times times to to good to good to good to good to good to like the good times in the stock market might be officially over. All lives on Wall Street once again this morning was yesterday the stocks plummeted, pushing the S&P 500 official into bare market territory.

The Dow Jones industrial is now 16% lower for the year. The tech and biotech heavy NASDAQ down 30% year to date. And the broader S&P index, common in Americans' portfolios, sliding into bare market territory down 21% this year. Real money that Americans of S to one-day retire, pay for kids college, or a new house. The advice from most financial experts, despite the high stress and the anxiety, don't panic. There's no need to panic. The truth of thethe anxiety, don't panic. There's no need to panic. The truth of the matter is, don't panic. Sorry, what did they say?

Sorry, what did they say? Sorry, what did they say? That was too busy chugging that a comically large bottle of Xanax. Sorry, what did they say? I was too busy chugging that comically large bottle of Xanax. I'm not panic, by the way, I'm just addicted to pills. But yes, people, these are scary times for stocks, because we are now officially in a bare market, which is when people are so broke, they have to blow Paddington in a parking lot. Oh, heavens! Oh oh heavens! Oh heavens!

No, obviously I'm joking. I'm joking. Paddington doesn't have a penis. A bear market is basically when the S&P has dropped 20% from its previous high, which for many can be very stressful. Yeah, right now, everyone who's looking at their e-trade account, it feels like the same way you look when you're looking at your ex's wedding's wedding wedding wedding You're just like, why? Why do I keep looking? Why? Why? I'm a oh I hit like my mistake no I liked it. Now I have to comment I wish you all the

best. But even if you don't own stocks, a bear market is often a signal that a recession might be coming. And that affects everybody. The economy slows down. Unemployment goes up. Africans become president. And your mom starts buying the generic cereals with the knockoff mascots. Yeah.

Terry, the tiger says, they're adequate. And by the way, it's not just the stock market that's falling right now. Yeah, crypto is crashing even harder, with Bitcoin plummeting 67% from its high, which I find really interesting. Yeah? Because for like the past 10 years, every single crypto-brow I've met has told me that crypto would protect me when the mainstream economy failed. Yeah, you heard them they were everywhere. Crypto people would act like you were the crazy one for not investing your life savings

into a coin some Swedish teenager invented last week. Oh, you're not in Doggy Monkey coin? What a loser! You know what's even crazier is that the crypto crowd is blaming Biden for this. And look, you know, here's the thing. You can blame a president for a lot of things. Inflation, unemployment, not being able to cheer for your son Brandon and a soccer game without it becoming a whole thing. But you can't blame him for crypto. No. My man, if an 80-year-old man who doesn't even know what Bitcoin is, can crash your crypto, then your crypto ain't shit.

I said it. Yeah. I know you're mad that your Jenga tower fell down, but that's what happens when you play Jenga. Because remember, like, this is what they said to everybody. They said, oh, the crypto is going to save you from the market. That's what crypto is. It protects you. They made it seem like it was a parachute that would protect us all from the economy.

And then now the plane is crashing, and, it's all going down! But let's move on. From that bad economic news to some other bad economic news. For two years now, we have seen the global supply chain crisis impact everything from computers to cars to baby formula. And by the way, why is there never a supply chain shortage of bad stuff? You know? There's never a shortage of like racist Halloween costumes. No? But how will I get cancelled now? But the latest shortage is hitting even closer to home, like, as close as you can get.

Now to the latest shortage to hit our nation's store, tampons. Women are scrambling to find the products as shelves are increasingly becoming bare. It's the latest of the supply chain issues to have a disproportionate impact on women. The makers of Tampax and Playtech say there's high demand and low supply. It's reportedly stemming from a combination of factory staffing problems, transportation log jams and the rising cost of raw materials like plastics, companies like CVS and Target confirming they are experiencing lower inventory. Walgreens telling ABC News they will have stock, but there may only be certain brands available

while they navigate the supply disruption. And prices for this essential item aim up nearly 10% according to Bloomberg. That's right. The pandemic supply chain problems have now led to a tampon shortage. A massive tampon shortage. And before we panic, before we panic, I think we need to make sure that this whole thing wasn't just started by one dude's bullshit excuse for not picking up tampons.

You know, I was just like, oh sorry, babe, I tried, but there's like a whole supply chain issue? Yeah, it's like economy stuff. You wouldn't understand. Yeah, it's like, this is actually a serious problem. Because without, lookampons, like, what will women dip into bowls of blue liquid? Yeah, I know how women's bodies work. I've seen it in the ads. I'm that guy. By the way, did you catch how they tried to blame the problem partly on women, where they're like, due to high demand, what does that?

No, but what is that? Due to high demand... Because isn't the demand always pretty much the same? What has changed? Like, is there like some viral Get Your Period Challenge on Tick-Tock right now? Due to high demand, get the fuck out of here. And this absolutely sucks. I'll tell you now, this sucks for women. Guys don't have to go through this, but women do. It sucks.

I will tell you who is probably loving it right now, though. Is that one forgotten tampon that's been sitting at the bottom of your bag for two years? Well, well, well, Lisa, I knew you'd come crawling back. You spent two years throwing TJ Max receipts, chopsticks and gum wrappers on top of me. But look who's desperately digging around for me now. That's right. You thought you were cool. No, wait, come back. Come back. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me here. The pennies are so mean to me

me. All right. And finally, tonight, I wanted to wish someone very special a happy birthday. Actually, you guys can join me if you know. Happy birthday to wish someone very special a happy birthday. Actually, you guys can join me if you don't want. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, President Donald Trump. It's too late.

You wished him a happy birthday, you wish him a happy birthday, all of you. Yeah, you made his day and you wished him a long life he's here forever you guys did that today is Donald Trump's 76th birthday but it turns out he can't hear you you you went louder yeah it is his birthday today, but it turns out the haters can't even give the poor man a day off. Because all week, all week long, the January 6th committee has been riding his ass just because he tried to overthrow the government. And now, and now they're even accusing him of fraud, just because he asked his supporters for money to set up an election defense fund and then didn't set up an election defense fund. And yeah, that looks bad.

But people don't realize that some of the money went to really important causes. Investigators claim that President Trump raised over 250 million dollars from supporters to fight election fraud claims, but then funneled the money to himself and his allies, including his son's fiance, Kimberly Gilfoil, who was paid $60,000 for for for for to for to for to for $ for $ for $1 for $1 for $1, for $1, for $1, for $1,000 for $1,000 for $1,000 for $1,000 for that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi-luc-luc-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i. that that that that that then funneled the money to himself and his allies, including his son's fiance, Kimberly Guilfoyle, who was paid $60,000 for a two-minute speech introducing Donald Trump Jr. at the January 6th rally. God damn! Trump took some of the money that he said he was going to use to fight election fraud and paid his son's fiance 60,000 dollars for a two-minute introduction speech, which is such a scam. I don't care what

anyone says. That's an even bigger scam than Tai Chi. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, who are you going to fight? An army of slow butterflies? What is this? What is this? Who are you fighting? I will say, though? This does prove that Donald Trump is a proud feminist ally. Yeah, that's right, I said it. Everyone's always complaining that women get paid less for more work, but Trump, no, he's doing everything to close the wage gap. He paid Kimberly-Gilfoyl for two minutes of work. He paid Stormy Daniels for two minutes of work. Yeah. Trump isn't breaking the law, he's breaking the glass ceiling. And in case you were

wondering what a $60,000, two-minute speech sounds like, well, take a listen to some of the highlights. Well, good morning, D.C. and good morning, America. God-loving freedom, loving, liberty-loving patriots that will not bet them steal this election. Thank you, President Trump, who stands for law enforcement for the Constitution, and let's show the President when he comes how much we love him. God bless America, God bless our President, and ladies and gentlemen, the best is yet to come. Okay, okay, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tod. tod. tod. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. the the the the the the ladies and gentlemen, the best is yet to come. Okay, okay, no, no, no, now I understand, I understand it now.

She wasn't paid to speak for two minutes. She was paid to stop speaking after two minutes. That's what happened there. I can keep going longer. No, no, here's your money, here's your money. Take the money. Take the money. Take it all, tak tick tak tick tak, tak, tick money, tick money, tick tick tick tick tak, tick tak, to tak, to to to to tak, tak, tak, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to speak, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the money, the money, thi. thi. the the. the. thoo. too. too. toe. to to to to tho. tho. tho. tho. the money. Take the money. Take it all. Take it all. Even the wind was like,

wah-ah-ah-ah-ah. Let's be honest, people. This was not a $60,000 speech. I don't care which side you're on. No good speech ends with Don Jr. coming out. That's not a good speech. And you know, once again, as much as people want to be angry at Donald Trump, I feel like this is one of those instances where he is the black light on America's democracy. Because you see, he didn't invent this scam. Politicians from every party use their campaign funds to enrich

their friends. It's just that Trump does it so egregiously that everyone notices it. All politicians like, oh donate it donate, it's for the fund, it's for this, but no one looks at where the money goes. Yeah, it's just something you pay attention to because of how he does it. It's the same way all of us have eaten a grape or two at the grocery store. But Trump's the guy who walks into Whole Foods with a fork and knife, you know? It's like, you guys have the best raw chicken, so good, so good. So good. The midterms. As you probably know, right now in America, primary season is in full swing. And the primaries are the elections before the elections, that determine what's

going to happen in the elections before the main election. Anyway, last night, four states held their primary elections. And it was actually a good night for Donald Jabberwarki Trump. You see, in South Carolina, one of the few Republican congressmen who voted to impeach Trump lost badly after Trump campaigned hard against him. Yeah, and that's the weird thing about Trump. He might not remember how to speak English. But he'll never never never never never never never never the the the the the the the the the th's the weird thing about Trump. He might not remember how to speak English, but he'll never forget anyone who's done him wrong. Yeah, he's probably got like a revenge spreadsheet, 400 rows deep, just sitting there on the computer like, insert

row, format, enemy, formula, Mike Pence equals not good, print. Meanwhile, in Nevada, an election denier won the Republican nomination for Secretary of State which by the way is the office that certifies the election. Yeah and while that's not great for democracy it is fantastic news for Donald Trump because you see if this guy gets the job that's like having your boy as your parole officer you know it's just like no no no don't worry man I'll pee in the cup we can't have you going away man we can't have you going away man we the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to to the to to to the the the to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the tho. the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. the the the the the the the the the the, nah, no, don't worry, man. I'll pee in the cup. We can't have you going away, man. We got a party on Friday.

The only blemish on the night for Donald was that one of the candidates he endorsed in South Carolina lost. And boy was she sorry. Another South Carolina race gaining national attention is now decided. Representative Nancy Mace won the District 1 Republican primary against Trump-endorced candidate Katie Arrington, Arrington conceded, endorsing Mace and apologizing to former President Donald Trump. And to Donald J. Trump, sir, I'm sorry I couldn't give you the birthday present that I wanted

to give to you, but you will always be my number 45, my number 46. You know, I... I don't know why anyone would think Trump's supporters are a cult. It's just a normal woman apologizing to Trump for losing her election on his birthday. It's not a cult. This is a very normal thing. Please forgive me, dear leader. So normal. By the way, what was all that about you'll always be my number 45 and my number 46? Because I get what she said,

but like I know Trump was the 45th president, but is she saying that he's still the president? Because then he wouldn't be the 46th president. He'd still be the 45th president. That's confusing. And if I'm confused, you best believe Donald Trump is really confused. Best believe. He's probably watching that speech like, wait, so I'm Joe Biden? What a twist! I should call him Nightshamaland. But let's move on to some international news coming out of the United Kingdom.

America's estranged father. Like many countries around the world, the UK has been dealing with an influx of refugees over the past few years. And usually, usually when a refugee flees their country, they have the right to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to apply to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, their, their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the when a refugee flees their country, they have the right to apply to any nation in the world to take their men. But recently, in response to the large number of requests, the UK announced that they've struck a deal with the East African nation of Rwanda to take the refugees that were trying to stay in the UK.... in a way, they did the geopolitical version of when your crush says, no, I'm sorry, but you should totally date my friend.

Now obviously this arrangement has ruffled a few feathers. And before the UK could deport its first plane full of refugees, a European court canceled the flight. The first flight of a controversial deportation plan by the UK was grounded at the 11th hour. The plane was on the tarmac, its engines had started and the cabin crew was seen boarding when the European Court of Human Rights intervened. Under the controversial government plan, anyone who arrived in Britain

could be relocated to Rwanda. Once in Rwanda, they'll be allowed to apply for asylum there, but not in Britain. Prime Minister Boris Johnson said it is about halting human trafficking. We have to interrupt the busiest model of the gangs. Human rights groups and church leaders have criticized the plan as immoral. Hmm. This is a tough story. Yeah, because usually when Boris Johnson takes a position, the opposite position is

the right one. That's why his hair is always like, wherever he goes, I'm going the other way! But if I'm being honest, if you ignore Boris, the argument does make sense. Many gangs, smugglers and human traffickers have started abusing the refugee crisis to make money off of desperate migrants, right? And so by doing this, people who are genuinely trying to escape a war zone, they have a safe country to go to, but now the smugglers don't have a business anymore. Yeah, because no one's going to pay you to smuggle them into Rwanda. Yeah, it's true.

If the UK wants its immigrants to leave, don't deport them. Just let them marry into the royal family and eventually they'll leave on their own. It's long. They get something and they get out. And can I just say as an African, as an African, I take a little bit of offense when human rights groups in Europe say, you cannot send refugees to Africa, those are human beings. And who lives in Africa?

Get the f-fee out of here, man? What does that mean? Let me tell you something. I know some parts of Africa have a tough, but we've also got cities, we've got Wi-Fi, you know? We've also got racist, white people, you guys left them behind, acting like we don't got shit. This is the problem when there's only one well-known movie that takes place in your country, you know? It's all the people go on. It's like judging France based on ratatoui. Not all the restaurants are run by rats. Because here, Rwanda was trying to do something nice and then now they have to hear everyone talk shit about them them them them them them them them them them them the the the their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to. to to to to to to to to to their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. the the the the the the the the th. the th. that. the the. the. toda. toda. te. today. te. today. today. today's today's today's today. It's to donate a kidney to someone and that person was like, uh, no thank you, I'm going to see if there's a more developed kidney.

I'm like, man, go pee blood then, bitch. Let's move on to some other news. What do you get when the world is of fashion, history, and celebrity collide? Well, if you guessed Winston Churchill wearing couture at the Top Gun premiere, you're wrong, but that was a good guess. No, the big controversy that's blowing up the internet right now is what Kim Kardashian did with Marilyn Monroe's dress. Well, one of the most iconic gowns in American fashion may now be damaged. A Marilyn Monroe collector is making the claim after Kim Kardashian wore a dress belonging

to Monroe to the MetGala last month. The collector says that there are missing crystals and several rips along the zipper. Monroe wore the dress while singing Happy Birthday to President Kennedy in 1962. There's no comment yet from Kardashian or Ripley's, believe it or not, who lent the dress to Kardashian. You know, sometimes I feel bad for Kim Kardashian. When she doesn't wear clothes, people are angry. When she does wear clothes, people are angry. What's a lady to do?

But at the same time, Kim, what were you doing? The Marilyn Monroe dress is a one-of-a-kind piece of American history, right? It's one-of-a-kind. That's it. The Medgala happens every year. People dressed like hamburgers there, you could have worn anything else. Because if you're entrusted with a piece of American history, you better do everything you can to take care of it, everything. I mean, just as an example, I recently bought the stove pipe hat

that was worn by Abraham Lincoln. Yeah. And the reason I bought it is because it's the perfect nach bowl. Like holds it really well, keeps it at at at at at at at at at a a a a the the the the the the the the th a th a th a the thi thi because it's the perfect nacho bowl. Like holds it really well, keeps it at a nice height, you know? But you see, but you see, when I'm done eating nachos out of it, I always make sure to rinse it out afterwards because that's being respectful. Yeah, the man freed the slaves, come on, y'all. So look, Kim obviously took a big risk with a delicate artifact and it backfired. But, you know who deserves most of the blame here?

Ripley's. Yeah, they're the ones who loaned the dress to Kim. And first of all, why does Ripley's, believe it or not, even own this dress, in the dress, the first place. A woman wore a dress? Yeah, I believe that. I think I can wrap my head around that concept. But because Ripley's owns the dress, they're in charge of preserving it. So if they told her it was okay to wear it, that's on them. You know what I'm saying? It's on them. Yeah. Like, I don't know. I don't know about all the museum rules I only learned it from the story. Like, if the Louvre called me, and they said I could kiss the Mona Lisa for a selfie, I would do it.

And I would use tongue. So look, a lot of people are at fault here. So look, a lot of people have made mistakes. To make up for it. I think Ripley should have to sell the dress to a real, the, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, the, and, the, the, to, the, the, the, their, to, the, the, the, tho, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I's, I, I, I, I, I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and, and, and, and, I, I, and, and, I, and, and, I, and, I, and, and, and, and I....... the, I's, I's, I's, I's, too, the, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too dress to a real museum that will actually look after it properly. And Kim Kardashian, well, she has to show up to next year's Metgala wearing some of the other historic items from the Ripley's collection. Yeah. She still pulls it off. I don't know how she does it. All right, and finally, like many tech companies who are riding high during the pandemic, Netflix is now no longer having a good time. Their share price has dropped 75%.

They lost 200,000 subscribers, and it turns out the new comedy special they bought from Dave Chappell was actually cake. So, other than laying off employees and raising prices, Netflix has to figure out another way to convince us to come back and chill. And so that's why they've decided to pin to pin to pin their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their that's why they've decided to pin their hopes on a tried and true franchise. This morning, Netflix says it is turning its smash hit Squid Game into a reality show competition series.

Netflix released a promo announcing casting for Squid Game The Challenge. The new show is set to offer the largest cast prize in reality TV history, a whopping 4.56 million dollars. Squid Game is of course a South Korean series on Netflix. The reality show is looking for English language speakers from any part of the world. Netflix has not announced how they plan to adapt the game where contestants competed a series of schoolyard games. Okay, wait, wait, what? Wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no. If you're going to make squid game and nobody dies, then what's the point?

So now I'm just watching people play red light, green light, and tug of war? What am I? A camp counselor? Shit, I didn't even watch the kids when I was camp counselor. And don't worry, most of them didn't drown. I'm just saying this show was already about a game show, so you don't need to make a game show about it. You know, if you want to do this you should take like a normal Netflix show and turn that into a game show. That makes more sense, like stranger things. Yeah, you could put a bunch of contestants in a high school and see how long it takes until someone notices they're actually 25 years old. Well, ah! Either way, I'm just saying they better find something more interesting than cutting out cookies.

Yeah, you know what they should do? One of the challenges should be you have to try to find the good shows on Netflix. Yeah. And let me tell you now, half the people are thah the th. Half th. Half the th. Half th. Half th. Half th. the people are th. thirty th. the thirty th. thirty thirty th. th. thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty, th. th. they're th. thi. the. thateou-a' they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi. their. their. their. their their their their thi. thi. that. that. thate. te. teateate. try. try. try. try. try try try try try and try and try they're they're they're they're they're let me tell you now, half the people are dying in that game. They're just like, ah! Which menu? Which menu? Which menu? The Food and Drug Administration has been given the green light to finally approve COVID vaccines for children under the age of five, which means there are a lot of toddlers who are about to be popping apple juice in the club. It's just like, I got a diaper, I'm going on night, bitches. And this is also very good news for Herschel Walker, because statistically one out of every five kids in America is secretly his.

No, but for real, for real, this is great news for parents of young children because while the rest of us, you know, got vaccines, a lot of parents were stuck in pandemic mode with their unvaccinated kids. Yeah, they were just staring out the window at everyone else having fun. And it was like, oh, they're going to the movies again. Oh, I should have used the condom. Now, of course, if you're not a parent, this is the worst news ever, because I don't know about you guys. But I've definitely noticed that over the past two years, you know, I haven't heard any kids throwing tantrums in the supermarkets. There's been no toddlers kicking my seat in the movie theater.

And there were basically no children screaming on airplanes. Yeah, only those crazy Trump supporters who didn't want to wear a mask. Whah! Whah! Yeah! What my mommy? But just because COVID is on the back foot right now, it doesn't mean it's not still putting up a fight. Dr. Anthony Fauci has tested positive for COVID. The 81-year-old chief medical advisor for President Biden is fully vaccinated, double-boosted.

He is currently taking the antiviral treatment-v viral-v viral-viral-viral-a-a-viral-a-a-a-viral-viral-viral-viral-viral-a-viral-viral-viral-in, treat-in, tha-iviral treatment Paxlevid. The 81-year-old is only experiencing mild symptoms. We are told he has not been in close contact with the president and will now work from home. That's right. Dr. Fauci has COVID, which feels a little like finding out smoky bear got trapped in a forest fire. It's like, damn. I'm actually surprised that Fauci is only getting COVID now, and didn't get it while he was like with Trump every day.

Well, think about every single day, Trump was like, okay, COVID-Jas force, we're going to kick off today's meeting by breathing in each other's mouths for 10 to 15 minutes just to get the energy flowing. Anthony, come here Anthony, open their beautiful mouth, Anthony, open it wine. Open it, open, open, open a wine. And you know the saddest part, Dr. Fauci? And yes, I'm talking to you, Dr. Faulcci. I know you watched the show. It's the fact that you didn't come to the White House Correspondence dinner. Yeah, the president was there Kim Kardashian was there, but you didn't come because you said you didn't want to catch COVID and then you caught COVID anyway. Yeah, probably from some boring government meeting. And you see let me tell you something now people that's my philosophy in life.

I'm vaccinated. So if I'm getting COVID, you best believe I'm doing it in style, okay? Yeah, I'm not going to get it from some bitch-ass PowerPoint presentation, no. People will ask me, Trevor, where did you get your COVID, and I'll be like, oh, that was one hell of a night. Oh, oh, oh, damn. Bad believe. I will say, though, what a big moment for COVID as well, huh? To finally infect Dr. Anthony Fauci. I bet COVID was really starstruck when it got in his body. Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! It's really you! Oh I'm so excited! I need to catch my breath.

I need to catch my breath. Oh, oh man, Dr. Fauge! I'm really you! Oh, I'm so excited. I need to catch my breath. I need to catch my breath. Oh, oh man, Dr. Faugie, I'm inside you. This is so crazy. Hold on. I gotta face time my boys. I gotta face time my boys. Hey, yo, guess whose lungs I'm in? I know. I know, and somehow I'm still the pandemic in people's lungs to the pandemic in America's democracy. Today was the third day of the January 6 hearings, aka VH1s, behind the riot. Now, this session focused predominantly on Mike Pence, former vice president and the inspiration behind the white noise machine.

Because you see, Trump's entire plan to overturn the election hinged on Mike Pence agreeing to break the law by not certifying the election results. And today, we heard what might be the funniest recounting of the conversation that Trump actually had with Mike Pence, where the funniest recounting of the conversation that Trump actually had with Mike Pence, where the vice president would not agree to Trump's scheme no matter how hard the Donald tried. In the book peril, journalist Bob Woodward and Robert Costa write that the president said, quote, if these people say you have the power, wouldn't you want to?

The vice president says, quote, I wouldn't want any one person to have that authority. The president responds, but wouldn't it almost be cool to have that power? Vice president is reported to have said, no, look, I've read this, and I don't see a way to do it. We've exhausted every option. I've done everything I could and then some to find a way around this. It's simply not possible.

My interpretation is no. To which the president says, No, no, no. You don't understand, Mike. You can do this. I don't want to be your friend anymore if you don know, this is the paradox of Donald Trump. This is really the paradox of Donald Trump. This is really the paradox. Like he has the most terrifying schemes in the world, but he executes them in the most hilarious ways.

Like, this is really the paradox. Like he has the most terrifying schemes in the world, but he executes them in the most hilarious ways. Because Trump basically, he lives his entire life as if he's the bad kid in one of those anti-smoking PSAs. You know, he's like, come on, Mike, just try overturning the election. I thought you wanted to be cool. Also, by the way, if there's one person who you can't entice with cool, it's Mike Pence. He's the least cool man in the world. The man wouldn't even watch the tele-tubbies because they don't wear pants. And you know what's crazy about the story? Because Trump said it like this, you actually believe that is true. Right? Because if the reporting was that,

Pence said, sir, we cannot do this. And then Trump said, my interpretation of the Constitution offers ample precedent, both legal and historical. People would be like, yeah, there's no way that happened. That didn't happen. That's not real. But I don't want to be a friend anymore. You like, yeah, that's my dude.

That's my dude, that's my dude right. That sounds like him. I also find it crazy that Trump thought they were friends. Not coworkers, not acquaintances as friends? How would that even be possible? What do Pence and Trump have to bond over, huh? He's just hanging out on the weekend? Thanks for bringing me to this club, Mike. The music's a little lame, but the ladies are looking good.

Ah, Mr. President, it's church. Oh, that's why it burned when I walked through the ladies are looking good. Mr. President it's church. Oh that's why it burned when I walked through the door. Totally get it. All right but let's move on to some international news. Here in America global supply chain issues have caused shortages of everything from tampons to baby formula and even PlayStation 5s which sucks because now I have to play Eldon Ring in my head. Ah, damn, this is so hard! But it turns out the global supply chain also affects the globe. And right now in Pakistan, the supply chain is coming for an integral part of their daily life.

Pakistani tea drinkers remain divided. A day after a government minister urged them to cut down on their daily hot beverage as the country struggles with an economic crisis. Pakistan's planning and development minister says it's getting increasingly expensive for the country to import tea as supplies outstripped demand. Tea is a hugely popular drink in the country of 220 million people and the government has to spend about 600 million dollars on tea imports every year. The average person in Pakistan is believed to drink at least three cups of tea a day, but

the minister called for people to drink one or two cups less per day, sparking outrage. I knew it. I knew this would happen. Yeah. People have been running around, spilling the tea for the past few years, and now look! There's a shortage. Are you happy, shade room? Are you happy?

Are you happy? By the way, I love how they mix the tea. The rest of us do tea boring. They're like, wow. They're like. the like, they mix the tea. The rest of us do tea boring and just like, they're like, wow, whop, pah. And I know people can get outraged about anything, but I'm not gonna lie. It is kind of funny to hear a story

about anyone getting outraged over tea. No, because you always think of tea drinkers as very calm, tranquil like, you can take my old gray out of my cold dead hands! It's so, it's so wild. It's like seeing Tom Hanks dropping the F-bomb. I mean, that's where you know you f-ed up, you know what I mean? But when you understand how popular tea is in Pakistan, it makes sense. Right? All of the outrage makes sense. This is part of their national identity. It's like asking France their out croissants or North Korea to stop launching missiles at dolphins. That's just what they do. And I don't know if

Pakistan will give up tea. I mean they wouldn't even give up Bin Laden, you know? But too soon? I will say this. Pakistan's government has to be careful about this. Yeah. Tea shortages are no joke. Just look at America. You see what happens? When your people get pissed off about tea, yeah, first there's a tea party, then there's a revolution.

Before you know it, there's a great depression. Then you're fighting Vietnam. No one can afford houses, and suddenly you're making a movie where Ryan guzzling his Barbie! Don't do it, Pakistan! All right, finally, cities all over the world are always trying to find ways to encourage people not to litter. In Japan, they use collective shame. In Singapore, they'll just whip your ass. In New York, we've just made the entire city one big trash can, so technically it's not even possible to litter. But in Sweden, they've come up with something that might be the most effective method yet.

Talking dirty in Sweden, literally, a Swedish city has launched a campaign to encourage people to throw away their trash. Yeah, a couple of trash cans have been installed in our programmed to encourage people to throw away their trash. Yeah, a couple of trash cans have been installed in our programmed to respond with seductive audio messages after somebody throws away their trash. Mmm, thank. Oh, just there I am. Mmm, a little more to the themest and next time. Ah, that was a gaulet shawl. Mmm, more! Come soon to back to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do th and thoom thoom thoom and thoom and thoom Well, I guess now we know what it's like when Oscar the Grouch gets his f-

I did not come soon to back and do that again. Well, I guess now we know what it's like when Oscar the Grouch gets his f-faking on. I, uh, did not see that coming. Just, and just by the way, uh, all the guys who are using that trash can, I hope you know that it's faking it, right? That's probably dudes walking away thinking, oh, I throw good trash. No, you don't. No, you don't.

It's actually funny how stupid men are. With such simple, stupid creatures. This would never work on women. On men, it works. Yeah, like, we can wear as the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tha the thiiiiase, thiase, thiase, thiol thiol thiol thiol, thoes, thoes, thoes, thiolome. thi, thi, thi, thioloes, thioloes, thiolk, thiolk, thi, thoes. I, thoes. I, thoes. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thoes. It's, thoes. It's, thathea, thathea, thathea, thathea, that, that, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo works. Yeah, like we can wear as many ties as we want, but we've just basically stupid animals responding to a mating call. You put a sexy woman's voice and you can literally get men to do anything. You realize we're being catfished by garbage cans, right? And we can see that they're garbage cans. But then we hear that sexy voice and we're like, well maybe. Not to

mention, this is going to undo a lot of parental lessons about littering. Some 10 year old boy is going to be like, Mommy, I'm going to throw away my empty cup and the mom will be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, just throw it in the lake, throw it in the lake. It's better that way. You're you you you you you you you you you. You're you. You're you. You're you. You're you. You're you. You're you. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not th. You're not th. You're not that way. You're not that that that that that that that that that thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. throw it in the lake, throw it in the lake, it's better that way. You're not ready. And you know who this really isn't grateful is your trash can at home. Because when it finds out what you've been doing out there in the street, oh, it's going to get super jealous. Well, you're home late. Probably because you were out on the street shivering your trash into that whore again. You know that anyone can throw trash there, anyone?

You're not special. I want a divorce, and I'm taking the rotten banana pills with me! Ah! Before we go, please consider supporting out youth. They're an organization that serves Central Texas, LGBTQIA plus youth and their allies with programs and services to ensure that these promising young people develop into happy, healthy, sec... Watch the Daily Show, Week nights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.