The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories - Omicron Conspiracy Theories, SCOTUS on Abortion & MLB Enters Lockout

Episode Date: December 4, 2021

Right-wing conspiracy theories arise about the COVID-19 Omicron variant, the Supreme Court appears poised to undo Roe v. Wade, and a labor dispute rocks Major League Baseball. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. For most of 2021, the world has been fighting off various COVID variants, which are all more efficient than the OG from Wuhan. We had Alpha, we had Lambda, we had Delta. You know, COVID basically turned the planet into the shittiest fret-ooose of all time. But just when we thought we had it all figured out, last week, scientists in South Africa announced that they discovered a new variant.

And what they saw is freaking people out. Scientists are racing to learn more about a new COVID-vaerian, already setting up alarm bells around the world. According to South African scientists, the Omicron variant has more than 50 mutations and is likely to be more transmissible. It has a bunch of mutations, a disturbingly large number of mutations in the spike protein, which is the business end of the virus.

The COVID-19 vaccines target the spike protein. If the spike changes too much and in the wrong way, it could make the vaccines less effective. The president of Moderna said yesterday, what's most scary about this virus is it has managed to put all of its greatest hits into one variant. Yes, it's all the greatest hits in one place. Like if Mama Mia killed you instead of teaching you about the power of love. And what's so scary about this thing is all the mutations

to the virus's spike protein, because the spike protein is how the virus penetrates our cells. It's basically COVID's dick, and a mutated dick is never a good thing. Yeah, there's no hallmark cards that say, congratulations on your mutated dick. But hey, I'm no expert. So to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to to the to to the th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, is, is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the, the, the, the, theateat. that that that that that that theat that that theat theat theat thi., thi., thi.. thi. thi I'm no expert. So to get us a more informed perspective, I sent Roy Wood Jr. out to CDC headquarters in Atlanta. And Roy, I know you're standing by right now.

What can you tell us? Well, Trevor, the Omicron variant is the 12th variant of COVID and the fifth variant of concern, now spreading in the 20th month of the global pandemic. I've been talking to the top scientists at the CDC, and the CDC, the CDC, to c. C. C. to to to to to to to to too, too, too, the CDC, th. th. the CDC, th. th. th. th. th. th. tooom. tooom. tooom. too. too. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to too, too. too. too. too. too. too. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the the thi. the the the the. the the the the. the the. the the. the. the been talking to the top scientists at the CDC, and everyone seems to agree, come on, man, just stop. Just stop, man. Chill, man. Just vary it after variet, after variet. Just, damn. Shit got to stop, bro.

I'm sorry, Roy, this is what the scientists are saying? Oh, no, of course not. I'm paraphrasing, Trevor. The actual scientific consensus on the Omicron is... Hot, shit. I gotta cancel this damn vacation. I've pushed it back two, three times. The St. John's, I want to go. They ain't gonna shut everything down, the the tha, tha, tha, three times. The St. John's, I want to go. They ain't gonna shut everything down.

Then the next thing you know, you're gonna have strange people delivering your food. And you gotta wonder whether or not they've been eating some of your fridge fries, and then I gotta be cooped up with the boy. And I gotta home school and figure out which button is the two bedroom apartment. It's three of us. It's, it's just not enough space. I can hear her phone calls through the wall.

I can hear him playing a Nintendo switch. I'm trying to be on the conference call. And God forbid, I actually get a little bit of silence. the house so I can't even fucking play now because everybody's going to be in the house because you can't play violent video games around the boy. We don't want him learning about violent. What other games are there to play on a PlayStation other than violent games? You have to pretend violence in this country to keep from doing violence in real life. And I think that's what she doesn't understand. She doesn't understand that that's what the video games do for me.

And I just think if I just had her, just a third bedroom, a third bedroom. All right. It was all we need is a third bedroom. And that would give me the space that I need. But then we would have to move uptown and that's thank you. I think train right and everybody's got Omer Kronel. All right, thank you so much, Roy. Thank you for keeping us updated on your developments. Thank you so much for that.

No problem, Trevor. Now look, I understand the frustration of facing yet another new variant. I mean, how did that happen after everything we did? I mean, for two years now people, we wore masks for some of the times, times, times, times, thea, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and to, and to, and to, and to, and I, and to, and to, and to, and to, and I, and to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th tha, th th. th. th. th. th. tha. th. th. tha. tha. tha. toe. toe. toe. th. th masks for some of the time. We social distanced when it was convenient. Then like half of us got vaccinated. What more is it gonna take? But at the same time, we shouldn't panic, because this variant was just discovered. So there's still a ton that we don't know about it.

We don't know how long it's been around. We don't know if it causes more severe illness. it can evade our vaccines, we know less about this variant than your grandmother knows about Jojo Siwa and she just knows she's scared. That's it. And it could very well be that all these mutations that sound so scary turn out to not be that big a deal. You know, like when Apple acts like it's making tons of changes to the iPhone and then we're like, ah, it's just a slightly different camera? I killed a man in line for this thing. So right now, basically all we know about this strain is that it's called Omicron.

That's all we know. And even the name of the virus has a complicated story. A World Health Organization panel has just named the strain, Omicron, and classified it as a variant, of concern. The World Health Organization named this variant Omicron and said of the next letters in the Greek alphabet, New or Xi in a statement to the Associated Press, they said they skipped New because it sounds like the word New and that Xi is a common last name. Yes it's true. She is a very common last name particularly among Chinese authoritarian leaders. I see you who.

And this really shows you the clout that China has, man. Because the World Health Organization is like, oh, we don't want to offend one guy in China. Meanwhile, Greece is over here like, what? You stole our whole alphabet, Malaka. And it has been interesting to see how sensitive the scientific community has become about naming COVID variants, right? Because back in the day, you realize back in th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, the the, the, the, the, the, the, and the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the thi... thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th th? Because back in the day, you realize back in the day nobody cared. Like nobody cared about naming diseases. Doctors would even name diseases often themselves.

I discovered a disease that destroys the mind making you slowly forget your life and the people that you love. And whenever people get this disease, I want them thinking of your boy, Alzheimer. Yeah, that will never forget me. I mean, they might forget, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, like their their their their, like their their their their their their their, their their their their their their their their their their their their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tea, tea, tea.namea, tea.namea, tea, their.namea, their.n. Na, their. Na, their. I want them thinking of your boy! Alzheimer! Yeah, that way they'll never forget me. I mean they might forget but yeah you know what I'm saying, yeah it's got me quite cool. But the good news about them skipping those letters is that that means we're almost halfway to Omega now which is the last letter of the Greek alphabet and that means once COVID reaches the end of the alphabet, it can't make any more variance, people. That's just science. We did it, baby.

Yeah. Now, the truth is that so far, there are some encouraging signs that Omicron may only be causing mild symptoms in the people who have it. Although experts say it'll take at least a couple of weeks before we really understand what the strain can do. But the world isn't waiting to find out. Governments are moving quickly tonight to limit travel into their countries

in an attempt to slow the spread of the new COVID variant called Omicron. O'Conn. O'Nei, the United States banned entry for non-citizen travels from South Africa and seven neighboring countries. At least 44 other countries are also imposing travel restrictions. I took immediate steps to restrict travel from countries in southern Africa. But while we have that travel restrictions can slow the speed of Omnicron, it cannot prevent it. But here's what it does.

It gives us time, gives us time to take more actions, to move quicker, to make sure people understand. You have to get the vaccine. You have to get the shot the shot the shot the shot the shot the shot. to to to make sure people understand you have to get your vaccine you have to get the shot. Yes if you give America just a couple more weeks surely all the anti-vaxers will finally come around and get their shots oh bless your heart Joe no for real I mean I understand where the US is coming from on this right if you can slow down the spread of Omicron even a little bit then you have time to research it you have time to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to work to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to the to to the the the the US is coming from on this, right? If you can slow down the spread of Omicron, even a little bit,

then you have time to research it. You have time to work on new vaccines, and you have time to consult with Joe Rogan on a treatment plan. I mean, hey, maybe this time he'll say vaccines. You don't know. So a lot of people support this travel today, Texas Governor Greg Abbott, he tweeted that while Biden is banning travel from South Africa, he's doing nothing to stop South Africans from crossing the southern border illegally. And you know, Greg Abbott has a very good point here. Every day, millions

of South Africans walk across the Atlantic Ocean to cross the border? I mean, why did I book a flight? I could have just hissed a ride. What is this? This is the biggest load of bullshit ever. And look, props to the governor of Texas for being able to turn literally any story into a complaint about the border. Everyone's watching red notice on Netflix when what they should be doing is watching our southern border. Now you guys may not know this about me but I too am a South African.

Relax, relax, everyone in the studio, relax. I do not have the variant, I think. I do not have the variant, I think. I think the OG one. And as a South African, who does not have the variant, I think this travel ban is total bullshit. I really do. I mean, first of all, COVID is a hoax. We can't all agree on that, right? No, but for second of all, Omercron has already been found in over a dozen countries, a dozen countries around the world. Right, we don't know where it started. We don't know how long it's been around. It's everywhere from Hong Kong to the to Spain. So, why, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to th. th. th. th. thi. th. to to to, thi, thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. But, th. But, th. But, th. th. th. the th. the the th. the th. the th. thi. thi. the thi. the thi. the. the the the. the the the the thoooo. the the the. the the. thoo. toe. toe. to tho. thi. to Spain. So why aren't you banning travel from all of those countries too? Huh? Only the African countries? What's the difference between the African countries?

Oh. I still don't get the logic. What you think Omicron is going to get to Europe and then just decide to stay there? I was going to spread to America but I simply cannot leave the beauty of Barcelona. And look, I mean, maybe America is buying itself a couple of weeks before it gets overrun with Omicron, but don't forget, don't forget about the costs of this action, because you do realize that other countries are paying attention, and they realize if they're gonna get punished for telling the world about new variants,

they're gonna stop telling the world whenever their scientists discover new variants. I'm just saying don't be surprised when the next variant pops up in Europe and Italian scientists come out acting like nothing is wrong. Everything is a fine, this is just a how you say, a tick-talk challenge. But that's where we are right now. There's a new coronavirus that we don't know anything about. And because of that, I can't go home to my uncle's baby shower. And man, I really wanted to go. You don't see your uncle get showered by babies much.

As of now, it looks like it's going to still be a couple of weeks before we know more about the Armicron strain. Things like, does it spread faster? Does it make you sicker? And is it available as an NFT? But over in Maga World, oh, they seem to already have figured it all out. The emergence of the new COVID variant

is sparking a fresh round of conspiracy theories. Former White House doctor turned Maga Congressman, Ronnie Jackson, tweeted quote here comes the M. E. V the midterm election variant. They need a reason to push unsolicited nationwide mail-in ballots. Democrats will do anything to cheat during election but we're not going to let them. It defies logic and listen here unfortunately it's not just Ronnie Jackson if it was just Congressman Jackson or Dr. Jackson we could call him out but he's getting help on you know where it's always a new variant and you can always count on a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to to to the the the the the the to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the.... the. the. the. the. the. the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. getting help on you know where. It's always a new variant. And you can always count on a variant about every October,

every two years. Oh, I think it's going to, you know, you're probably right. I mean, however, they could speed up. The variance can come more quickly and the we're going to need a new variant here. My gosh. Okay, just so I've got the straight. According to this conspiracy, the Democrats' big plan is to intentionally never solve the one problem that is ruining everyone's life. That is such a dumb-ass strategy to win an election. Which makes me think maybe the Democrats actually did come up with it. Aha! I mean, you realize for this to be true, the Democrats would have had to coordinate on this lie with the World Health Organization and South African scientists and governments across Europe. You serious people, you know the Democrats can't coordinate shit. Only think Democrats can coordinate is the can't take cloths.

And it's bad enough to hear this from a congressman. But what's crazy is that before he was in Congress, people forget Rony Jackson was the's doctor, the president's doctor, and not just Trump's doctor by the way, Obama's doctor too. Yeah, that guy. This just shows you how bad America's health care system. Even the president was like, you're telling me that he's the only doctor in my network? I mean, seriously, it's amazing that Obama and Trump actually survived. One of them sneezes and Ronnie Jackson is like, you've got to realign your electrons quick, swallow as many magnets as possible. And by the way, of all the shows, how does Fox and

Friends not understand what new variants are? Every four months, Fox and Friends has two totally different dudes and one new women saying the same bullshit from the same couch. I mean, if that isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't that isn't that isn't that isn't that isn't that isn't that isn't that isn't th. th. th. the the the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same bullshit is same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same same same same same same same same same same bullshit, s. the same bullshit, s. the same bullshit, s. the same bullshit, s. S, s. S, s. S, s. S, s. S, s. S, s. S, s. S, s. S, s. S, the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same the same bullshit is same bullshit is same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same bullshit, the same the same the same the same the same the same couch. I mean if that isn't a new variant, I don't know what is. Hey, but whatever, man. I guess the Democrats, in coordination with scientists in South Africa, Europe, Israel, all over, are simply pretending there's a new coronavirus out there. That's what they're doing. Yeah, and they're not only doing it to justify mail-in voting. No, no, no. It's also because they're the really horny for lockdown they're they they keep testing for different strains of coronavirus, we're going to be locked down for the rest of our existence. I am, you know, I had cancer. My oncologist is a specialist in bone cancer. And he, you know, every oncologist who deals with bone cancer identifies hundreds of coronaviruses inside of our bones.

They've created a problem that can never actually be solved so they can justify whatever it is they want to do. I'm sorry what? Your bones are riddled with coronavirus? Quick lady, you need to swallow these magnets! Now what I think Laura Logan was saying there is that we'll never stop finding new coronavirus variants when they test us because our bones are full of them. And look, this sounded wrong to me, but I'm not a bone doctor. I mean, I am. So we called a top oncologist just to make sure that we were right. And we were like, hey, weird question, but if you crack open a bone, do hundreds of coronviruses fly out? And she was like, no. And also, why is everyone, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th- th- th-----------------------wo, tho, tho, tho, thoes, thoes, thoes, thoes, thoes, thoes, th-----------------in, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thoan, thoan, thoes, thoes, but if you crack open a bone, do hundreds of coronaviruses fly out? And she was like, no, and also why is everyone

asking me this question today? So no, people. Bones are not filled with coroniviruses, right? They filled with milk. Can we call her back and ask what bones are filled with? But according to Fox, now Democrats are going to force everyone into endless lockdowns. That's the plan. And the worst part is if Trump was still in office, this variant, which doesn't even exist, would already be defeated. COVID is becoming endemic. It is going to continue to mutate.

It's all around planet Earth. If President Trump was still in office, by the way, we'd th, we th, we to have, we to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to to to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. to force, to force, to toe, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. toe. toe. toe. toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe too the the the thean. thean. the. the. thean. to continue to mutate, is going to continue to evolve. It's all around planet Earth. If President Trump was still in office, by the way, we'd already have modified vaccines to deal with the new variants, which is a great point. Okay, first of all, Stephen Miller, if President Trump was still in office? If someone's not a true believer. JFK Jr. will be so disappointed when he hears about this one. I mean, the idea that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thr- thr-in thr-in tr. tr. thr-is' thr-in is tr. thr-in is thr-in is thr-is is thr-is is thi is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. th. thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is to to to to to to toe is toe is going toeeeean. toean. toeei. toei. toei. to. to. try is thae is t.. JFK Jr. will be so disappointed when he hears about this one. I mean, the idea that Donald Trump would have quickly handled a COVID variant is by far the least believable shit I have ever heard.

You're going to act like we all don't know this man? There's no way he would have handled it. First of all, he would have spent four months denying there was even a new variant. And then he would have wasted six the the the the their their, but then also don't worry about it because it's not going to hurt anybody, but also the vaccines are coming. And then he would have gotten Amicron himself, and then he would have been like, Amicron is real, folks, totally real, and I beat it, I beat it, so I cut ready chapter.

It so hard. I destroyed it. And now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, the, the, the, they. I they, they, they, they, they, they, and they, and they, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the the the the the the th. And, tha, tha, thrown. throwne. throwne. tha, throwne. thoooo, tha. thereea. thooo. And, the the the threat. And, and Trump, what you did is you beat me so hard. And I beat it, so now it's over. Congratulations to all, even the haters and the losers. I mean, you can't have a vaccine for a new variant a few days after you discover the variant people. It's impossible. The only way you could do that is if you had a time machine. And we all know if Trump had a time machine, he wouldn't use it for that. He'd go to go to go to go to go to go back back back back back back back back back back back to go to go to go to go to to to to to to to to to to to to hang to hang to hang to hang to hang to hang to hang to hang to hang to hang to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. And we all know if Trump had a time machine, he wouldn't use it for that. He'd go back in time to hang baby Mike Pence. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. He'd probably use it to warn himself not to have that affair with Stormy Daniels. But then he'd get too horny and end up having a threesome with himself and Stormy

Daniels. This is so great! There are fine people on both sides. Very fine people. Now look, anyone whose brain hasn't been rotted from Fox and Facebook knows that everything these people are saying is bullshit. Armicron is a real variant with real mutations and real spikes on its real proteins and shit. That's how it works. Democrats are just trying to keep the pandemic going to stay in power and the best way you can tell that is that a year ago MagaWold was pushing the exact opposite conspiracy.

If it ends up that Biden wins in November I guarantee you the week after the election suddenly all those Democratic governors all those Democratic mayors will say, everything's magically better. Go back to work, go back to school. Suddenly, the problems are solved. They'll milk it every single day between now and November 3rd. And guess what? After November 3rd, the thrown,

coronavirus will magically all of a sudden go away and disappear and everybody will be able to reopen. That's all I hared. COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, by the way, on November 4th, you won't hear about it anymore. So, COVID. COVID! COVID! This dude was president, and he's going to be president again. Now, to be fair, to be fair.

Now, to be fair, for a while after the election, we did hear less about COVID, mostly because the news was about Donald Trump trying to overthrow the country. But this really shows you how drastically mega people have changed their conspiracies about COVID over time. I mean, you might even say they had to mutate their propaganda so that it could keep spreading in a new environment. I wonder if there's a medical parallel to the way these talking points are adapting over time. No. Abortion has been a constitutional rights in the United States,

ever since the Supreme Court decided Roe v. Wade nearly half a century ago. But based on what happened at the Supreme Court today, it seems like it won't be a right for much longer. During setting up a decision by the high court now with a 6-3 conservative majority that could change abortion laws across the country. Hundreds of protesters from both sides of the issue gathered outside of the Supreme Court. The stakes could not be higher. Roe v. Wade is on the line, as the justices consider a law from Mississippi that would ban almost all abortions after 15 weeks of pregnancy. After today's arguments over abortion, it appears abortion rights in America as they

stand right now are in grave danger. After two hours of questioning, the general consensus among legal experts is that there are at least five votes to uphold Mississippi's ban on abortion after 15 weeks of pregnancy, and possibly as many votes to overturn a federal right to an abortion altogether. Who, boy, based on the oral arguments in the Supreme Court today, it looks very likely that Roe v. Wade will soon be overturned. And you know what you think about it, it is wild.

It's wild through the United States to take such a step backwards in women's rights. It's almost like the U invaded Afghanistan to defeat the Taliban and then came back to the US like, actually those guys have some pretty good ideas. And now the truth is, the truth is that this is the culmination of a 50-year plan for the conservative movement to reshape the courts for this very purpose. And say what you want about it. But you've got to admit, man, the conservative movement is just that dedicated to protecting life. I mean, not protecting life from coronavirus or school shootings or from a lack of health care

or climate change or poverty or homelessness. And I know, I know. I know there are guys out there right now who are saying, well, you know what, tough luck ladies, but this doesn't affect me. Well, first of all, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thean. And, thin. And, thin. And, thoan. And, tha. And, tha. what, tough luck ladies, but this doesn't affect me. Well, first of all, you're going to see it affect your bank account when you're paying child support for 18 years, and secondly, you guys clearly don't see what's happening here. Yeah, because first, they said a baby is only a baby when it comes out of the vagina. Then they said it's a baby when it's viable outside of the womb. Now you've got people arguing that's their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, their, thi. to toei. tei. tei. tei. tei. tei. tei. tean. tean, te, t womb. Right? Now you've got people arguing that if there's any electrical signal it counts as a heartbeat. You realize what's coming up next, right? At some point they're gonna be like, okay we decided that sperm is babies so you can't

jack off anymore. You're like what? But what if I have a wet dream? Then your ass is going to jail. Yeah, now you're in your dreams trying to get your high school teacher to put her th back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back to to to to to to to to to to to to th to their to to to th. to their to to to to to to to to to to to their their to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their their their their their their their your high school teacher to put her shirt back on. No, Mrs. Patterson, please, please, I can't do hard time. Please get dressed. I'm kidding, of course, I'm kidding. Obviously, nobody's ever going to regulate what men can do with their buddies. Come down, everybody. Now, look, we don't know for sure what the ruling will be based on what kind of arguments they made. For example, Justice Brett Kavanaugh, Trump appointee and guy at the bar who

insists he's totally fine to drive. Well he emphasized the view that overturning the right to abortion would actually be the neutral position because it is neither pro-life nor pro-choice, but simply leaves the issue up to the states. And I have to admit, guys, that argument actually makes a lot of sense. Like, why should there be one abortion law for the entire country? I mean, people in Alabama and people in California

have very different views on this. So maybe it should be different in different states. Although, when you think about it, there are also differences in different parts of each state. So really the law should be like by county, you know what I mean? That would be better. They should say like red counties in a blue state can ban abortion, but blue counties in a red state can allow abortion. I mean that seems fair, right? It's up to the states but make it up to the counties. Well, except actually sometimes you have urban and rural areas sharing a county, so maybe

it should be at the level of the city or the town. Yeah, no, wait. What if each house, oh yes, each house could have its own rule. Yeah, this makes sense, right? Because the neighbors, they don't always agree with each other, people have different opinions. You know what? What if each person made their own rule? Like each person could decide for themselves what they could do with their own. Shit, people, I figured it out.

Yo, get me a taxi to the Supreme Court. You know what? Get me a tax me to the bar next to the Supreme Court. I want to tell Justice Kavanaughin, yeah, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi.. the, the. theat. theateateateateatea.. thea. thea. thea. thoooooooooooooooooomoom. the, the worst transformer ever. So it was a car and then it became a virus? Yesterday, the first case was identified right here in the United States, and it didn't take long for the sequel to come out. We do begin this hour with breaking news on the pandemic. The second confirmed case of the Omicron variant in the United States has just

been confirmed. This one in Minnesota. We don't know much about the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the patient the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. the t. t. the t. to. the the to.a. to. to. to. to. tom. tom. t. tom. t. has just been confirmed. This one in Minnesota. We don't know much about the patient yet except that they had only traveled domestically. Health officials say that the man developed mild symptoms on November 22nd after going to an anime convention in New York City. Fifty-three thousand people attended that event between November 19th and the 21st. Well now the city wants those attendees to get a COVID test immediately, wear face masks and practice social distancing until they get their test results back.

That's right. One of the first U.S. cases of the new COVID variants, maybe an adult man who attended an anime convention. I mean, which is good. At least we know that it's not transmitted via eye contact. No, but I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm tha tha thiiia tha. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. ta. tea. thea. thea. tha. At least we know that it's not transmitted via eye contact. No, but I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I love anime. Honestly, I do. In fact, when I heard about this, I wondered if the guy got infected in anime style. Ah, it's Omicron. It's power stronger than any other variant I've ever seen. It's got so many spikes! Ah! I should have gotten a booster shot. Oh, oh, if, I! I! I! I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I, I, I th, I th, I th, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in. In. In. In. In. In. In. In. In, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. O'Mea, sude, shinderu. But people, please remember this. Please remember this.

We shouldn't be surprised when we find more and more cases, okay? Because Omicron is like those microscopic bugs that live in your eyelashes. Even if you don't see them, you know that they're there. Yeah, laughing at you about all the spiders that crawl into your mouth while you sleep. And also don't forget, don't forget this. We have no idea if Omicron is actually that bad. And what I mean by that is, we don't know if it might spread more easily, or you don't know if it'll be more deadly, it's just too early to know. And I hate to sound like someone describing every streaming show right now,

but you gotta stick with it past the first couple of weeks and see where it goes, you know? But anyway, let's move on from COVID to America's other national pastime. Baseball. The only sports you can think about to yourself to stop from orgasming. Yeah, sorry hockey, you're too sexy. In some ways, being a baseball player is unlike any other job in the world. I mean, for one thing, if your entire office got into a brawl, you wouldn't go back

to work five minutes later like nothing happened. But also, being a baseball player is still a job, which means that sometimes they get into disagreements with their bosses. And now, one of those disagreements has shut down the entire league. Breaking news from the world of sports overnight for the first time in more than 25 years, Major League Baseball is now in a work stoppage, owners locking out players after months of failed talks toward a new labor contract. The biggest economic issues right now between MLB and the Union have to do with when players become free agents and how much they get paid. Players Association wants young stars to get paid sooner

and not be restricted to teams for the first six years of their career. Now the lockout freezes all league business until an agreement is reached. That means no trades, no more free agent signings and no players are allowed inside club facilities. And if you go to MLV.com or your favorite team's website, you're going to notice all images and videos of players have been completely removed. They took all the players' photos off the MLB website. You know who's feeling great about this right now, yeah? Anyone who collects baseball cards.

Well, well, well, you guys said there was no reason for me to have a photo of Albert Puhls, but now I'm the only guy who knows what he looks like. Ha ha ha! Ha! Ha! At the same time, though, this is all happening in the offseason, so there's plenty of time for them to work out their differences before the season starts. There's like a haunted house owner owner tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th is like tho tho th is like tho thus, like thus, like thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, tho- thi, thi, thi, thi, tho-a tho-a, th, th, th, th, tho-a, tho-s, tho-s, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th is like th is like th is like thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi. thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan though with the employees in July. It doesn't really matter. And you know they're going to work something out, because both sides need each other. Like the MLB, they can't go out and hire regular people. We all saw how that turned out with 50 cents. And baseball players, they have no skills that translate to other jobs.

Yeah, I'm looking for a position where I can stand around doing nothing for most of the day, but then every 20 minutes something comes up my head really fast. Also, I want to be able to slap anyone's ass whenever I like. Before we go, please consider supporting Choose Love. They work to provide refugees and displaced people with everything from life-saving search and rescue boats to food and even legal advice. At the link below, you can go to the Choose Love store and buy essential emergency items and services

for the refugees who need them. Everything, diapers, hot meals, medical services, and so much more. So if you'd like to support Choose Love, then please check out the link below. Watch the Daily Show, Week nights at 11th Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.