The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories - Pastor's Germy Sermon, Amazon Train Robberies & Voting Rights and Wrongs

Episode Date: January 22, 2022

An Oklahoma pastor smears his saliva on a parishioner's face, train robbers steal Amazon packages, a voting rights bill pushed by Democrats fails in the Senate, and more. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Novac Jokovic, the Serbian tennis star whose name is worth up to 140 points in Scrabble. This is supposed to have been a big week for Jokovic. But like my dream of starring in the biopic of Weird Al, it wasn't meant to be. The Australian Open got underway Monday without the world's number one ranked male tennis player. Novak Jokovic returned to his date of Serbia after being deported from Australia for not being vaccinated against COVID. The Australian government said it cancelled his visa because Jokovic's presence could lead

to an increase in anti-vaccination sentiment and even civil unrest. Australia requires everyone entering the country to be vaccinated or have a medical exemption. Jokovic had an exemption because of a recent COVID infection but it sparked outrage in Australia apparently prompting the government to act. An opinion poll yesterday showed 71% of Australians wanted Jokovic deported. Damn. It says a lot about you when that many Australians think you're too dangerous to be in their country. I mean, this is the country whose health minister is a giant poisonous spider.

Oh, I get things done! And Australia is the last country you want to get deported from. I mean, imagine stepping off a 25-hour flight and then immediately having to get on another 25-hour flights. Like, I don't know what Jokovich thinks is in the vaccine, but it can't possibly be worse than breathing in farts for 50 hours straight. But then again, it's not that surprising that Jokovich would be against the vaccine. Keep in mind that this is a man who says he knows that he has a gluten intolerance. And this is completely true because he's physically weaker if he's holding a slice of bread. Yeah. So gluten works like kryptonite for him.

You think COVID is scary, but Jokovich could die just walking past the bakery. Oh, bone burnt. I will say, as hard as it is to sympathize with Jokovich, it is a little disturbing that the Australian government allowed him in, then deported him just because they changed their minds. I mean, if a government can arbitrarily deport an athlete, what's to stop them from deporting a whole team. And how can we get it to get it it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to be to be the to be to be the to be to be to be their, their, their, their, to be, to be, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their, their. their, their. their their their their tho. toeat. toe. their toe. th. toeat. their their their their their. their. their, their the New York Jets? Yeah. And also I love how the Australian government is proclaiming that there's some health component to this, as if, I mean, you've been to Australia,

it's not exactly the healthiest culture. They eat terrible food, they drink exuberant amounts of beer. A blue and onion has like 40,000 calories, Trevor. And you're going to kick this guy out out out out out this guy th guy th to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be the the to be the to be to be the to be a the the to be a the the the the the the the the the the thozys.ozys. the the the the the the the the theirioliolioliolioliolioli. the the the the the the the the their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thiolioliolioling, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thea. thea. thea. theauoooooo th. th. th. th. th. theauoooooo theauo theau. the gonna kick this guy out of the tennis tournament, and you still haven't kicked out the Stingray that killed Steve Irwin? You know what I mean? And I can relate to Novak, Jokovich,

because I've been kicked out of a bunch of Outback Steakhouses, and same as Novak, they said it was an issue with my visa. I don't know what that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that means that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is th is thi is thi is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is is is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is a t. ti is. tei is. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thi. thi. th a guy got to do to be allowed to play the tournament? Nine-time champion, three-time defending champion, world number one, tied all-time for grand slant. What do you got to do, Trevor? Get vaccinated? Yep. All right, let's move on to some technology news.

Arguably, the most important tech breakthrough of the last few years has been 5G. And there are a lot of crazy conspiracy theories you might have heard, like 5G causes cancer or autism or it's a mind-controlled tool. I mean, a few weeks ago, it was actually going around that when they turned on 5G, anyone who had gotten the COVID vaccine was going to explode. This is a thing people believe, which is ridiculous. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi thi thi thi the thi their thi their their thi thi thi their there are a there are a there are there are there are a there are a there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are are there are are there are there are are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are there are th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. I are a th. I have th. I have a thi thi thi. I have a thi. I have a thi. I have a thi. I have a thooo. I have a tho. thooo. thi. thi. thi. the. And th had gotten the COVID vaccine was going to explode. This is a thing people believe, which is ridiculous. I mean, I have 5G on my phone and I turned it on before we came out here and look, nothing happens, you see? But it turns out not everyone who has concerns about 5G, wears a tin hat.

this morning, the major airline's about 5G, wears a tin hat. This morning, the major airlines warning of a possible catastrophic aviation crisis beginning in less than 24 hours when AT&T and Verizon are set to launch new, stronger 5G technology which would give faster wireless service. The concern whether 5G signals could interfere with radio altimeters. That's a device pilots used telling them how far they are from the ground and helping them land in poor visibility. Executives from airlines including American, Delta, United and Southwest urging U.S.

officials to keep new stronger 5G signals at least two miles away from U.S. airports, saying in a letter, immediate intervention is needed to avoid significant operational disruption. To be blunt, the nation's commerce will grind to a halt. One union saying its pilots are prepared to ground their planes if the FAA doesn't act. Yeah, but how will they know how to ground their planes if there's 5G? Just me? Okay, look, look. I'm not saying the airlines are making this up. I'm not saying that. But we all remember how they said the same thing about regular cell phones for 20 years, right? Yeah? Remember how terrified they had us? Everyone, airplane this plane could crash? One time I forgot to turn off my phone and then the plane hit turbulence, and I looked at my phone? Sh-s. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their? I's? their. their? their. I's, their. I'm, their. their? their. thi. I's. I'm th. their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. the. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. t t t t too. too. too. t te. their. their. their their their their. their. their. their time I forgot to turn off my phone, and then the plane hit turbulence, and I looked at my phone and I was like,

ah, shit, this was me. I'm sorry, everybody, I'm sorry. So anyway, I don't think the airlines are gonna win this fight. And honestly, even if it's true, even if it's tr, yeah, it's worth it. I'll take that chance. Fast downloads. Also, how is this my problem? I mean, you want me to take on the cell phone company industry and the airline industry, right? You knew 5G was coming. It comes after 4G. You know what's after 5G, Trevor? 6 G. How high you want me to go? You know? I... You're asking me to take on the airlines a place where I can't even get a full can

of coke or I can't even change my middle seat. This is not my problem. But you know what? We'll crash together, my friends. I love that. That's what friendship's all about. Yeah, I love that. that. that's what that's what that's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's their their fa. their f. their f. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. their happy and go to church with this next story. Have you ever seen a pastor who worked a little too hard to keep the congregation's attention? Well, one pastor in Oklahoma, well, he just out did them all. It tells a church leader facing criticism for smearing his spit on a man's face during a sermon. It happened over the weekend, gross. So many people talking about this on social media yesterday. Pastor Michael Todd of Transformation Church in Bixby was giving a sermon on Sunday about how to quote, receive God's vision can be nasty, he said.

I just bought my dream car. And now you're going to ask me to sell it back and ride in the hoop that you get? Yeah, because the vision I'm about to give you, it might get nasty. Oh! Well, the pastor says while he was trying to make a point in his sermon on Sunday, he realizes that he crossed the line, andthe guy on stage that was his brother. How is COVID still spreading in America? We're doing everything right? We're doing everything right.

Look, I know it looks nasty. But, I will say this pastor's point that God might ask you to do stuff that other people don't like. He's not wrong. Yeah, all these people who are like, God doesn't want you to wipe your nasty spit on people. Yo, somewhere Abraham is like, yo, he told me to kill my damn son. I wish he just wanted me to spit on him. You know how much therapy me and my kid had had to have to that? She was never the same. The pastor is just trying to say sometimes God will give you a message that may throw you off like flam in your face. And you know the fact that that was his brother that he was doing

that too. For me that makes it even worse because now it feels like he just uses the scriptures to mess with his sibling. And God sent a great flood! And to show you what that flood look like, I'm gonna stick my brother's hand in some warm water while he sleeps. Donald Jumangi Trump, America's 45th best president. Last weekend, he was back on the rally circuit, kicking off his campaign to reclaim the Oval back on the rally circuit, kicking off his campaign to reclaim the Oval Office and the White House Disney Plus account. But Trump might want to slow his role a little bit because it turns out he's not the only one making plans for his future.

Former U.S. President Donald Trump, he is in hot water today with the New York Attorney General. Letitia James says her team has uncovered numerous instances of quote, fraudulent or misleading practices related to the Trump organization's financial documents. The case also turning up the heat on Trump's children who James says quote have been closely involved with the transactions in question. Investigator is now taking legal action to compel Ivanka and Don Jr. to comply with subpoenas and appear for sworn testimony about the company's financial dealings. Investigators say in 2016, Trump claimed his triplex was worth about 327 million

because it was over 30,000 square feet. In reality, the AG's office says it was 11,000 square feet. They say the Trump's CFO, Alan Weisselberg, charged in a separate criminal case, admitted the value of Trump's apartment was overstated by, give or take, $200 million dollars. Oh, no, no, no, Donald, no. You can't exaggerate your apartment's value by $200 million.

I mean, I'd get it if it wasn't an NFT, but this is an apartment, my friend. I mean, at the same time, Donald Trump does not give a f-fee, let's be honest. This dude will brag about himself, even if it gets him in trouble. I bet when a cop asks him if he knows how fast he was going. He's like, yeah I do. 400 billion miles a second. The fastest anyone has ever gone. I went so fast, so fast. Do you want to test it again? So fast.

Ask me what I've been drinking, all of it. And look, I get on Trump for a lot of stuff, but I can't get mad at him for this because, deep down, he's just a landlord. And th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to they, they, they, they, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, too, thi, to too, too, too, too, tooomea, too, too. tooean, toean, to to their this is what every landlord in New York does. They'll say an apartment has three bedrooms, and then you get there, two of the bedrooms are somehow in the kitchen, but it's still the best deal for your budget,

so you sleep in the dishwasher. I mean, it is what it is. All right, but let's move on to the question happened to that package I ordered? Well, it turns out your asshole neighbor didn't swipe it off your front porch this time. It actually got snatched long before that. If you ordered something from Amazon and didn't get it, it could be in this mess. This is the scene in Los Angeles as trains carrying crates of orders are being robbed with packages strewn around the tracks. As freight trains slow down or come to a halt, the thieves leap on board with bolt cutters,

open giant containers and take whatever they want. This is what they leave behind. All these boxes, some empty, some not. Look, this box was full of COVID-hasting kits. A precious product, tough to to their own. This Amazon envelope wasn't even opened. The thieves just tossed it away. This track strewn with boxes stretches as far as you can see in both directions. This entire area was cleaned up in mid-December, which means that all of this came from train

robberies in just the last month. God damn. Did you see that mess? It's like a Thomas the tank engine episode of hoarders. Your shit is crazy. And how could this happen in Joe Biden's America? The president loves trains. And now, they're getting robbed all willy-nilly? That's not right, people. This is like if during the Clinton administration, everyone was robbing blowjobs.

It's unacceptable. I mean, what if those packages contained like your grandmother's blood pressure medication? Depending on how you feel about your grandmother, that could be a disaster. And the worst part is that when they don't want the packages, they just leave them on the ground. I mean, they even ditched COVID tests, which is just dumb. Those tests are worth more than the actual train. And you know what this means, right, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th than the actual train. And you know what this means, right? Yeah, knowing how picky these robbers are is going to make Valentine's Day extra stressful,

because either your surprise gift doesn't show up and your girl is pissed off, or it does show up and she's still pissed off. Well, if this necklace was so great, why didn't anyone steal it off a train, you cheap-a-sitch? And th th th robberies should be used as an excuse to have more police in America. I know people are going to say that. You don't need more police for this. All you need is to fill one random train car with angry bees.

Problem solved. Finally, let's talk about a major new development in criminal justice reform. News anchor, drop a beat. Jay-Z and Meek-Mill teaming up to support a proposed New York state law that would block lyrics from being used during trials. Both Jay-Z and Meek-Mil, they signed a letter saying, This tactic effectively denies rap music using the status of art, and in the process gives prosecutors a dangerous advantage in the courtroom.

By presenting rap lyrics as rhymed confessions of illegal behavior, they... to to to to thia. to to thiiiii. the the their. their. their. their. thi. their. their. their. the courtroom. By presenting rap lyrics as rhymed confessions of illegal behavior, they are often able to obtain convictions even when other evidence is lacking. The rappers are joined by other artists, including Fat Joe, Big Sean, Kelly Rowland, and Robin Thick, and imploring lawmakers to sign the rap music on trial bill and turn it into law. Yeah, that's right. When someone gets arrested, prosecutors dig up any rap lyrics they might have written, and the their, and the the their, and their, their, their, their, like their, like their, like their, like their, like their, like their, like their, like their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their convictions convictions convictions their convictions Yeah, that's right. When someone gets arrested, prosecutors dig up any rap lyrics they might have written, and then they present them like it's a confession.

Which is ridiculous, people. Rap is an art form, right? These songs are performances. The rappers aren't just reading out their journals. Just because you rap about killing someone doesn't mean you did it. It's just that a lot of words rhyme with kill. thill, chill Sill, Uncle Phil, all of the words you need in a rap song. And you don't want worries about legal trouble to interfere with musical freedom, especially not rap music. Because throwing in the word allegedly

after every rap lyric really screws with a flow. Abbotomically, allegedly. People are saying I bomb atomically. And if we're being honest, it's not a coincidence that they only do this with rap music. Because this is just another way of targeting black people. I mean, half of country music songs are about the singer burning their exes car because they cheated, but I've never seen any of them prosecuted for it. So I hope this law gets passed. I mean, the only downside is that criminals are going to use it as a loophole to hide evidence.

Every Wall Street board meeting is now going to have an MC in the corner. All my home is in the back. Move your accounts to the Cayman Islands. BIN, bimpin! Voting. It's what makes America the greatest democracy in the world. And if you don't like American democracy, America will come invade your country to show you in person how good choosing for yourself is. And as we approach the 2022 midterm elections, Republican-led states across America are busy fine-tuning their voting processes to make sure that they're

even more perfect. Take Texas, for example. During the last voting processes to make sure that they're even more perfect. Take Texas, for example. During the last election, people were so frustrated by how many voting options they had. They could vote in person, they could mail it in, there was drive-through voting, too many choices. It was so annoying. So now Texas is saying, don't worry. We're giving you fewer options so you don't have to worry about choices anymore.

Oh, and in Georgia, voters were complaining about how many convenient ballot drop boxes were cluttering the streets. Well, thankfully, there's going to be a lot fewer of them, and they're going to be a lot harder to find this November. In Iowa, they're reducing early voting, and closing the polls earlier on Election Day, which we can all agree is great, because who wants to vote after work? I mean, that's prime Netflix time, baby. Democracy can wait. Now, all of these changes have just affected the process for voting. But some of America's most respected leaders are also trying to fine-tune the process for counting votes. And they're doing this to make sure that the votes are counted the right way. Allies of Donald Trump are trying to remove some of the guardrails that prevented him from overturning the 2020 election. Now, according to the post, Trump and his supporters are pushing a plan to place loyalists in key

election posts from poll watchers and precinct judges to county clerks and state attorneys general. We have to be a lot sharper the next time when it comes to counting the vote. There's a famous statement. Sometimes the vote counter is more important than the candidate, and we can't let that ever, ever happen again. They have to get tougher and smarter. Is that a famous saying?

There's a famous saying that the vote counter, I've never heard that saying in my entire life. I know I'm going to get a lot of flag for saying this. But Trump is totally right. He's right about being tough. You've got to count those votes hard. If you show any weakness, those ballots are going to take your girl. And for Trump to say the vote counter is more important than the candidate, I mean, that just shows you how committed he is to ensuring the democratic process goes the way he wants it to.

I mean, think about it. Donald Trump said, stop thinking about me so much. It's just thuntea thuntea unprecedented. thuntea thuntea thun thun thi un unprecedented. thi unprecedented. thi unprecedented. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the to to to to to to to to to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thr. thr. to thr. to thr. to th to th th to to the to the to to to to the vote. to to to to to to to to to to to's just some of the admirable work Republicans have been getting up to. But the Democrats have been trying to make changes of their own. And if you ask them, everyone should be able to vote with barely any effort, which would be crazy, because then everyone would vote, including Bill Cosby. So they've been pushing their own laws in Congress, and last night, they almost got their way. We're going to begin with a major setback for Democrats on Capitol Hill. What would have been their landmark voting rights bill failed 52 to 48 in the Senate last night with two Democrats joining all 50 Republicans in opposing a rules change to push it through. To no surprise, it was Senators Kirsten-Sinimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimim-Ciiiiiiiiiiii. Ci. Ci. Ci. Ci. Ci. Ci. theirn, Ci. theirn, theirn, their. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. their. their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. We. their. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. And, to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. And toe. And, th. I I. Wea. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. the the the to push it through. To no surprise, it was Senators, Kirsten Cinema and Joe Manchin who helped Republicans kill

hopes for filibuster reform and voting rights. Eliminating the filibuster would be the easy way out. It wasn't meant to be easy. Yeah, Joe Manchin is right. Everything in the Senate should be as difficult as possible. If Democrats want a possible, Chuck Schumer should have to carry it through a stage.. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they.s.s.s.s.s. they.s. they. they.s. they. they. too. they. Wea, toe. Wea want a possible, Chuck Schumer should have to carry it through a stage of American Ninja Warrior first. But yes, Republicans were able to use the filibuster

to block the Democrats voting rights bill with the help of Democrats, Joe Manchin, and Kirsten Cinema. Because you see, those two do support the Democrats' voting rights bills, they just don't support making sure that they pass. Which when you think about it is actually so inspiring, you know? Joe Manchin and Kirsten Cinema believed so strongly on the power of voting that they use their vote to block voting rights for the entire country.

They were unvoting voting by voting. So it was the right thing for Mancin and Cinema to do. And basically, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, tho, tho, tho, th. And, th. And, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, and tho, tho, and tho, and tho, and, and th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. And, tho. And, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And, tho. And, tho. And, by voting. So it was the right thing for Mansion and Cinema to do. And basically, everyone loves them for it. But as usual, there are haters out there who just don't get it. If you think this bill makes sense, and if you're worried about the future of American democracy, and if you are prepared to vote for the bill, then why are you wasting everybody's

time and not voting for the rule change that allows us to pass the bill? You know, it's like inviting somebody to lunch, putting out a great spread and saying you can't eat. This is why people shouldn't debate on an empty stomach. If we're not going to pass this bill, can someone at least pass me a god-dam sandwich? But this is just classic classic the classic the classic thiiiiia th. th. th. thi just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just thi just thi just thi just thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the the the the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. not going to pass this bill, can someone at least pass me a goddamn sandwich? But this is just classic Bernie Sanders, man. He thinks just because those two Democrats say they support the bill, they should vote accordingly. Really, Bernie? It's called politics, not logic ticks. See what I did there?

I changed it. It was politics, and I made it. Maybe if he had spoken after lunch, Bernie would have understood how much sense this makes. Because what Joe mentioned is saying is, I want to help you out of the water. I'm not going to throw you a rope, but I want to throw you the rope. And any drowning man would agree, it's the thought that counts. Isn't that right, drowning man? I can't hear what he's saying, but he agrees. So, for whatever whatever the right the right the right thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thrown, thrown, thrown, but, but I thrown, but I'm thrown, but, but, but I'm to to to to to to to to to to thrown. thrown, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thrown. thrown. thrown. throwne, but, but, but throw. throw. throw. throw. throw. throw. throw. to to to throw. to to to to to to to throw. throw. to vote has gotten people very passionate on both sides. In fact, it's become such a big deal that they even woke up Joe Biden so that he could

weigh in. With the voting rights push hitting a dead end, President Biden was asked whether this year's midterms would be fairly conducted and legitimate after many Republican-led states enacted new voting restrictions. Well, all depends on whether or not we're able to make the case to the American people that some of this is being set up to try to alter the outcome of the election. It's never good for an American president to sow seeds of doubt in the legitimacy of American elections.

The language is being used is clearly concerning. I thought that undermining our election results was a threat to our democracy. The last thing you wanted to hear was to hear from President Biden that there are questions about the legitimacy of the elections. You needed the president to say, no, we've got the best electoral system in the world. Yeah, that's right. Joe Biden needs to step up and say that not a single other country in the world has a better electoral system than America.

People in Denmark, they wish. They wish they could spend all of election day sweating in a high school gym. I mean, sure, that's why most functioning countries actually have the elections run by non-partisan independent commissions, youto make sure that politicians can't twist the voting laws for their own gain. But I mean, that would just be ridiculous. I mean, think about it. You want the people in charge of the election to have some skin in the game, right? That's how you know it's fair. Imagine how stupid it would be if a basketball game had a separate group of people the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, and, thi, and, and, thean, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's thri.eanananan.eanan, thi the court just to enforce the rules, that would make no sense. That's why instead the strongest teams get to decide for themselves whether they committed

any fouls. And that's why, my friends, America's electoral system is still the best, and why nobody should ever say otherwise, because it's not true. And also because even if it was, it will be really uncomfortable to hear. Before we go, America is facing its worst blood shortage in more than a decade, largely in part due to the drop in donations since the start of the pandemic. But giving blood is easy and just one blood donation can save up to three lives. So if you'd like to help end this blood crisis you can sign up online with the American Red Cross. Call 1-800 Red. or. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to theee. to theeeeea. to theea. thea. theea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the. So if you'd like to help end this blood crisis, you can sign up online with the American Red Cross. Call 1-800 Red Cross or find a donation site near you

through America's blood sensors at the link below. Watch the Daily Show, weeknights at 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.