The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories | Raphael Warnock Beats Herschel Walker

Episode Date: December 10, 2022

Trump calls for the termination of the Constitution, Raphael Warnock beats Herschel Walker, Iran is considering abolishing their morality police and Trevor thanks the fans in his final show.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. On Saturday, the world's biggest sporting event kicked off the round of 16 with the Netherlands scoring yet another victory and the United States learning firsthand why they call it the knockout stages. And this was especially humiliating for the US because the Dutch team plays in those little wooden shoes. So, but don't be sad, don't be sad. The good news for America is the next World Cup will be in the US. Yeah. Which means, which means all the players will be allowed to use guns.

Yeah. Don't worry. They can't use their hands to shoot them. Should be interesting. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their. their. their their their their their their th. their th. th. th. th. th. the the. thoen thoen thoes thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. So their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their te. They's te. They's te. They'll te. te. te. te. te. teuuuu. teu. teu. tea. tea.s. tea.s. tea.s.s. te.s. allowed to use guns. Yeah. Don't worry. They can't use their hands to shoot them. Should be interesting. In international news, after months of protest over its strict hijab laws, Iran is reportedly considering abolishing its infamous morality police. Yeah. Yeah.

That's right. And if that happened, it would be wild. That's right. And if that happened, it would be wild. Iran might defund the police before Milwaukee. Speaking of morality police, some news out of the US Supreme Court. This morning, the justices heard arguments on whether a Colorado-based web designer can refuse to build websites for gay weddings, which she says violates her religious beliefs. And I'm sorry, but what is this web designer's process

that making a wedding website violates her religious beliefs? What is just like, okay, I'm adding your hotel block info, time and date of ceremony, a hardcore video of the two of you re-e' each other, and done. Out of here, man. All right, let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day. Starting with Twitter. It's what Elon Musk bought for his midlife crisis instead of a Lamborghini.

Over the weekend, Elon prove that Twitter colluded with Democrats to censor news about Hunter Biden's laptop during the 2020 election. Instead, they mostly just showed the Biden campaign asking Twitter to take down nude photos of Hunter Biden. So, yeah, sorry everyone, if you want to see naked people, you've got to go to every other website on the internet, I guess. So, the Twitter files turned out to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a the the the the the the the the the news the the news about the news about the news about the news the news about the the the the the the the the the the news the news the news the news the the the the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news the news their their news their news their news their news their news to bea their news tod.u. today. today. today. today. today. today. toea. the the the the the the the see naked people, you've got to go to every other website on the internet, I guess.

So the Twitter files turned out to be a major letdown for conservatives, right? There was no proof of a conspiracy to help defeat Donald Trump, but you know who doesn't care about any of that? Donald Trump. Former President Donald Trump's false claims about the 2020 election now have him calling for the Constitution to be terminated. With the revelation of massive and widespread fraud and deception in working closely with big tech companies, the DNC and the Democratic Party, do you throw the presidential election results of 2020 out and declare the rightful winner, or do you have a new election?

A massive fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations and articles, even those found in the Constitution. Yeah, that's right. The Republican frontrunner for president of the United States wants to terminate the Constitution because Twitter wouldn't allow him to see Hunter Biden's dick. He's like, I want to see the PPB! I want to see the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the rules rules.. I to see. I the the to see the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to their their their their their rules. their their their thease theole the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thea.ea.ea.ea.ea.eaughea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.e.e.e.e. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. terminate the Constitution because Twitter wouldn't allow him to see Hunter Biden's dick. Yeah. He's like, I want to see the peepee. I want to see it.

I want to see what I'm dealing with. If you want to see Hunter Biden's dick, just get a bag of cocaine like everyone else, Mr. President. Also, why is this still even a headline? Donald Trump thinks this undermines the election. He thinks that about everything. Everything. However the math equation starts, his answer is always the same.

It doesn't matter where it is. Like, a waiter could come up, like, I'm sorry, sir. The kitchen says, we've run out of the election. We do have the Donald Duck Waffles. It's too late! I'm storming the Capitol. I'll have those to go, please. And look, I get that Trump doesn't like to lose, but my man, 2020 is over. You've got to move on.

You know, Trump is like one of those guys who never stops trying to get back with his ex. Like, he's texting her her her her her her, you up? And she's like, yeah, I'm up with my kids from my marriage. I'm like, oh, still playing hard together. I like that. I like that. I like that. But honestly, though, what a start to the Trump 2024 campaign? First he had dinner with Nazi lovers. Now he's calling to scrap the Constitution. What's next? What was he going to give the Lincoln-Minininininininininininininininininininininininininininin-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-y-y-a-a-y-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a, th. He's th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, to-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, th-s, th-s, tha-s. He's-s. He's-s. He's toge-s. He's toge-s. He's toge-s. He's-I's-a-s, th-s, th the Constitution. What's next? What is he going to give the Lincoln Memorial enormous boobs, and still the GOP's going to come out like, well, I personally would have gone with a tasteful bee cup, but I think President Trump's heart is in the right place.

Maah. But enough of Trump and his craziness. Let's calm things down with a news story out of Tampa, Florida. Where we finally found the answer to the quantum physics paradox, what happens when a police officer pulls over the chief of police? Tampa's top cop has been placed on administrative leave after she flashed her badge, apparently using her status as police chief to get out of a traffic stop? After the deputy proceeds to explain to them why they were being pulled over,

which by the way, was because they were driving a golf a a a a their a their a their their their the deputy proceeds to explain to them why they were being pulled over, which by the way was because they they were driving a golf cart on a public road without the appropriate tags, this happened. Is your camera on? It is. I'm the police chief in Tampa. Oh how you doing? I'm doing good. Okay. Okay. I'm hoping that you'll just let us go to. Okay. All right yeah. All right, folks, well, have a good night. Oh, all right. You ever need you then call me. Okay. Serious. All right, appreciate that. Thank you. Yes, ma'am, you're welcome. Thank you for your service. Oh. You know, I don't know what's funnier in that video. First of all, I think it's crazy that she asks if the office's body cam is on before incriminating

herself. Right? Because what was she going to do if the body camera was off? Oh, it's not recording. Quick, dog whapping over the head. Let's get out of here. Just hit him. And secondly, I love how she does that thing.

Like, if you notice it, it hurts them to pull rank over you. You see, I think, she's like, do you know, it turns out I'm the, I'm the chief of police. Yeah, that's, I didn't want to bring it up, but I am. I didn't want to bring it up, but I am. Why people love doing that shit. Yeah, they'll be at a hotel like, can I get a late check out from my room? Be like, I'm sorry, sir, we can't

accommodate you. Ah, but I do own the hotel. Yeah, I'm Brad Radisson. Yeah, I'm Brad Radisson, yeah. That's what I love about black people. There's no pretending that it pains them to wield they power for you. They'll just tell you. I'm be like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that it pains them to wield their power over you, they'll just tell you. I'm like, sorry, sir, we can't do a late checkout for you. Like, late checkout for me, bitch, I own this hotel. Shit, I check out when I want. You're gonna tell De Quaun Radisson where he can check out of his own hotel? I tell you, you can check out. After this video came out, the mayor of Tampa suspended this police chief. And because of the pressure, she was forced to resign. Which can I just say is the biggest waste of a scandal of all time? This is what you used your part.

You realize there are police chiefs who have stolen millions of dollars in drug money. Meanwhile, she's out here like, yeah, I pulled some strings and drove super slow on the highway. But enough about that. Let's move on to a story that had the internet buzzing all weekend. And it's about artificial intelligence, which by the way is not when you regurgitate an Atlantic article and act like you've thought of it for yourself.

No. For years, people have been wondering when we would see the next step in natural language processing from the world of AI. And it looks like the future is already here. A new artificial intelligence is astounding the internet with its ease of use and human-like writing ability. Chat GPT was open to the public last weekend, and many have already posted their interactions with the bot.

So far, it's written television scripts, fixed coding errors, and even explained scientific concepts in the voice of a pirate. Yeah, that's right. For years, people have been saying, robots might be able to pack boxes, but they will never be able to write a poem like human beings. Well, it turns out your shitty poetry has some competition. Because I don't know if you've used this chat box.

But it is insane. Not only can it understand a question you're asking and then teach you about the most complicated topics. It can design a lesson plan, it can give you the information and it's not regurgitating it, it's explaining it to you. It can also write out the answers as if a pirate was teaching you. You understand how amazing that is? Like quantum physics is what but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but the the the the the thiiiiiiiiiii? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi. thi. toi. toi. toi. teateateateateateateate. thi. thi thi thi thi thi you. You understand how amazing that is? Like, quantum physics is what, but a pirate on top of the... Like, I wish I had this technology as a kid. The only reason I failed any subject is because the teacher was boring. But if Blackbeard was teaching me about physics,

I would have remembered everything. Yeah, light operates as both a wave and a particle. The same way you can operate as both a human and fish food. Walk the plank. Me thee. Ah, don't forget to do your homework. Obviously, obviously, this technology has a lot of people asking. Is this going to replace my job as a teacher or as a receptionist, journalist, or even an author? And the truth is we don't really know. But it is

interesting to see how our fears about AI have shifted radically over the years, right? In the 80s and the 90s, we thought that in the future people would be like, these damn machines are wiping out the human race. And now our fears that in the future we're wee we are wen wen, we are th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, theeeean, thean, thean, thean, theuuiiiiiiiiii. theeeuui. theeee, the, the, these damn machines are wiping out the human race. And now our fear is that in the future we're going to be like, these damn machines keep writing love letters to my wife! She's going to leave me! And you've got to admit, you've got to admit. It's weird that we're this obsessed with robots talking like humans,

but we all hate talking to actual humans. Like, everyone's using, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, i, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, i, it's like, i, i, i, i, i, i, i, in thi, i, i, i'm thi, in thi, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, we're thi, we're thi, we're thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, i, i, i, i, i, i, i, i, i, i, i, i, i, i, i, i's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th all hate talking to actual humans. Right? Like everyone's using this like, wow, it's like I'm talking to my mom. It's like, hey, your mom's actually calling you right now. Ah, let it go to voicemail. Let it go to voicemail. Ask it if it's proud of me. The World Cup.

In today's knockout games, Portugal absolutely obliterated Switzerland, six goals to one. Yeah, and after this match, now I guess we see why Switzerland doesn't get involved in wars. But the major World Cup news of today is how the North African nation of Morocco pulled an absolute against football powerhouse Spain. And I know this won't make up for the fact that Spain once colonized a part of Morocco, but it goes a long way, it really does. Oh, in international news, the government of Indonesia has just officially banned all sex outside of marriage.

Yes, with a penalty of up to one year in prison. That's gonna make for some weird conversation in Indonesian prisons, you know? And he's been like, I'm here for murder. What are you in for? A mediocre night with Jason. Oh, and in some major legal news, the Trump organization has been found guilty of 17 counts of taxpayer and other financial

crimes. And you know what that means? Donald Trump is going to prison! WIGHTOPT is going to prison! To visit all the lower ranking people who did this without his knowledge or his permission. Yeah, because we all know that's how that works in the world, right? All the successes in Trump's organization, they're due to the genius of Donald Trump. All the crimes, he had no ideas. That's right, folks. I have zero control over the things I run, which is why you should vote for me to run to run the country so I can run it like th th th I don't even run. I don't even run.

But speaking of crimes, let's move on to our main story. In the run-up to the midterms, one of the major issues for voters across the land was crime. In fact, any time you turned on the news, you were bound to see stories like this. Business owners across the country are stepping up security as they report brazen shoplifting. We've all seen the videos. Shoplifting at supermarkets across the USA is out of control. Handbag Hall. The brazen bandit who copseye walked out with all these stolen handbags.

The shoplifting epidemic, highlighted by this viral video at a Walgreens last week. Shoplifting is up 300 percent as video of brazen thieves leaving with their arms laden with stolen merchandise continue to shock all Americans. Shoplifting has gotten so bad this year, Rite Aid is considering literally putting everything behind showcases. Yeah, you hear that? Shoplifting has gotten so bad that they're locking everything behind showcases. Oh, and the person who unlocks the showcase, they're locked behind the showcase too. Yeah? Now you screw! What are you going to do? But yes, almost every day, every day in the news, we've seen these horrible stories,

you know, about people blatantly breaking the law and stealing what doesn't belong to them. And I don't care what anyone says. There is zero excuse for shoplifting. Zero excuse. Even in the instances where you find yourself waiting in line forever and there's six open registers, but the store only decided to hire one cashier which makes you feel like they're taunting you, Showing you how fast it could be, but their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, there's, there is no, there is no, there is no, there is no, there is no, there is no no, there is no no, there is no no no, there is no, there is no no no, there is no, there is no, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th you think, oh, you're just going to go and use the self-checkout. But then there's an error because you didn't put the item in the bagging area or because you put it in too early or too late, and now you have to wait for the supervisor to come over and ask, oh, give you that look, they give you that look like, ah, and then they wave the magical little keyfob. And then even in that instance, it is not justified.

Even when it's justified, it is not justified to steal. But what if I told you, what if I told you, what if I told you that the biggest theft isn't people stealing from companies? What if I told you the biggest theft is companies stealing from people? Well, you might ask how or why? Well, let's find out in another installment of, if you don't know, now you know. When you take a job, you're making a simple agreement with your employer, right? You do the work, they give you pay. That's the very foundation that jobs are built on. And yet, all over the country, all the world, the world, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their we're their we're their we're their we're their we're their we're. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. with your employer, right? You do the work, they give you pay. That's the very foundation that jobs are built on.

And yet all over the country, all over the world, in fact, employers aren't holding up their end of the deal. Imagine working and never getting paid. It's a growing problem called wage theft. Wage theft occurs when a worker is paid less than they're legally entitled to, such as when they're denied pay for working overtime, or work off the clock without getting paid, or are denied legal meal breaks. 67 letter carriers say their paychecks were changed to make it look like they worked less hours than they actually did.

Workers at Hardee's and Carl's Jr. have filed dozens of state and federal complaints, including allegations of wage theft, manipulated overtime, and unfair labor practices. About 10,000 people are saying Chipotle forced them to work off the clock to boost the bottom line. Wage theft is the costliest crime in the country, robbing US workers a $15 billion per year, more than car thefts, burglaries, and other larcenies combined. Yeah, that's right. The costliest crime in the United States is actually being committed by corporations.

So I guess instead of following black people around the store, security guards should be hovering over CEOs at their desk. Yeah. They should be looking over them. And being like, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and put that person's salary back where it belongs. I was like, oh, tiring. I didn't see that I had that.

Yeah, I bet you didn't. And I think we can all agree. Nobody, nobody should be doing work that they're not getting paid for. Because I mean, would do that? Who's they like, oh me, I'm not in it for the money, I'm in it for the love of childhood obesity? And by the way, by the way, wage theft isn't just when companies don't pay employees for the work that they've done. In some instances, employers find really shitty ways to actually make their employees pay them. For example, there was a restaurant owner owner ownerated his employees' tips at the end of

their shift and called it, I swear to God, a cleaning fee. Yeah, the NFL Oakland Raiders would dock their cheerleaders pay for shit like wearing the wrong color nail polish. Yeah, but this, this example of creative wage theft might be my favorite of all. This is Fantasy Gentlemen's Club in Grand Junction, and this is the 24-page class action lawsuit claiming. Fantasy Gentlemen's Club has been exploiting these workers for years. Among other charges, dancers accused the club of cutting into their take-home pay with excessive fines.

$50 if dancers don't share tips with the DJ in security. A hundred bucks to change the schedule. There's even a fine for complaining to customers about their personal lives. I'm sorry, what? This is the biggest bullshit of all. You can't find strippers for complaining to customers about their personal lives. First of all, how can you even tell that they're complaining and not just singing along to the Drake song that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that they're complaining and not just singing along to the Drake song that's playing? You don't know.

You don't know. And second of all, if strippers couldn't complain about their lives, then how would they be able to convince customers into spending more than they plan to help save them from this life? So what you're saying is if we go to the champagne room, then you can move........ to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move. to move to move to move to move to to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to to to to to to to to to to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move. to move. to move. to to to. to to. to to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to the the to the the to the to the to the to to to to to to to all, wage theft tends to target people with the least ability to fight back, like hourly workers and undocumented immigrants. Making matters worse, the government agencies who are supposed to be the watchdogs against wage theft are understaffed and underfunded. Oh, and when companies do get caught stealing, here's what happens to them. McDonald's has agreed to pay $26 million to settle accusations of wage theft.

It follows a long-running class action lawsuit at corporate-run locations in California. The U.S. Labor Department says Walmart will pay $4.8 million in back wages and damages to more than 4,500 employees. Amazon agreed to pay $8.2 million to settle a wage-theft lawsuit. And Crispy Cream was ordered to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to to to pay to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thea thea thea thea thea thea their their their their. their. their. their. their their their. their. their their their theircuuxxxxxxxxxa. their accusations accusations their accusations their accusations their accusations their accusations their accusations their accusations their accusations their accusations the million dollars to settle a wage theft lawsuit and Crispy Cream was ordered to pay workers more than 1.1 million dollars after investigators found widespread and systematic failure to pay workers what they were owed. Oh that's so strange all of this theft occurred but there was no mention of anyone going to jail but But then how will they learn their lesson?

Oh, and before you say, but Trevor, you can't put a corporation in jail. Says who? Says who? They always say corporations of people, so why doesn't America treat them like American people? Why not? Why not? Every single time a company gets busted stealing their workers' wages, you know what they should do? they say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say they say say they say say they say they say they say they say they say they say they say they say they say they say they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they there, they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're workers' wages, you know what they should do? They should say that the company headquarters should be taken to prison. Yeah, that's what they should do.

Just take the actual headquarters, put it in prison. Yeah, you hear that? Amazon, same day delivery is going to be a lot harder when you have to smuggle their workers, that doesn't mean workers are powerless. Wage theft has been one of the issues driving an increase in unionization. And California has just passed a law saying that for the first time anywhere in the country, wages and payment rules for all fast food workers will be set not by employers, but by a Council of experts. Yes, a Council of fast food experts.

So finally, a government job that Trump is actually qualified for. But for some workers waiting for the bureaucracy of the courts or the government to intervene just takes too long, which is why one construction worker in England expressed his anger in a more physical way. A row over 600 pounds that will end up costing so much more to put right. This construction worker was so angry at allegedly not being paid that he took drastic action. Driving a mini excavator into the newly finished hotel that he'd help Bill. Okay, okay. I know this seems bad, but is it?

No, because the guy did the work, didn't get paid, and then he undid the work, right? Seems like a fair deal to me. And it reminds me, it reminds me of a very wise thing my grandfather used to tell me. He would say, remember Trevor, if you want to screw someone over, make sure they don't own a bulldozer first. And yes, my grandfather was Nelson Mandela. It was indeed. So, the next time you turn the TV on and see all the news about people's shoplifting from drug stores before assuming there is a crime, maybe just for a moment, think that they could just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just their their their their the news about people shoplifting from drug stores before assuming there is a crime, maybe, just for a moment, think

that they could just be getting their wages back a totally different way. And if you don't know, now you know. Ukrainian president, Vladimir Zelensky, who today was officially declared Time Magazine's Person of the Year. And... officially declared Time Magazine's person of the year. And you might be happy, but I'll tell you now, Vladimir Putin is going to be so mad. The next time he's in the waiting room at the dentist, he's just going to be like, no to read magazine, oh, blah! But, congrats to Vladimir Zelensky and the Ukrainian people, and congrats to Time

Magazine, on its annual reminder that Time Magazine still exists. In more international news, German authorities this morning arrested 25 of Qanonon followers, 25 members, for plotting to storm Parliament and overthrow the government, which yes is disconcerting news, but once again, proeufe of how inspiring culture is all around the government. Which, yes, is disconcerting news. But once again, proof of how inspiring American culture is all around the world. Yeah, even in Germany, they were like, we should also storm the capital, and we should also overscore the government, and then, we're going to hang my pants!

Oh, in technology news, Apple Music has just announced a brand new karaoke mode that will allow you to turn down the vocals on songs so that you can sing them instead. Yeah. And I love this. This is great news for anyone who was thinking, I love this Adele song, but whatever was sung by someone who sucks. I don't know, I think it'll be a lot of fun, you know? And now Spotify is also adding this feature to its podcast so you can shout your own

COVID theories over Jorogin. It's going to be cool. Oh, in some legal news, an Illinois woman is suing the makers of TGI Fridays is mozzarella sticks. Get this, because she discovered that they contain cheddar cheese, but no mozzarella. That's why she's suing. And if you ask me, I'm impressed that these cheese sticks have cheeson them at all. Yeah, I feel like most American cheese products, if you look at the fine print, it's like, technically this is sawdust and corn syrup

But we were thinking about cheese when we were mixing it All right, let's move on to some of the big stories of the day starting with Georgia the state sitting in Florida the police can arrive because after a year of campaigning an election in November and then another run-off election yesterday the Senate race in Georgia is finally? After a year of campaigning, an election in November, and then another runoff election yesterday, the Senate race in Georgia is finally mercifully over. In Georgia's closely watched Senate runoff, Democrat Raphael Warnock walking away with the win. In the nation's final contest of the midterms, the incumbent narrowly defeating his Republican challenger, Herschel Walker and cementing the Democrats Democrats majority in the Senate, now a 51-49 advantage.

Walker was hand-picked by former President Trump and is at least the fifth Trump-backed Senate candidate to be defeated. Warnock's win gives the party an extra seat to help advance their agenda. It is my honor to utter the four most powerful words ever spoken in a democracy. The people have spoken. Okay. Okay. Congratulations to Raphael Warnock.

I mean, I thought the four most powerful words in American democracy were, here is your sticker, but sure, I guess the people have spoken works too. But yes, Democrats have the the thought the four most powerful words in American democracy were, here is your sticker, but sure, I guess, the people have smoking works too. But yes, Democrats have now won 51 seats in the Senate, and you realize what that means? Basically nothing. No, because they lost the house. But still, 51 is bigger than 50, so it's cool. And you couldn't have had a race between two more different candidates when you think about it.

Like, when you take a moment, when you step away from the race, you understand how crazy this was? You had Raphael Warnock, a pastor, a pastor who was preaching at the same church as M.L.K. And Herschel Walker, a man who thinks MLK is how you spell milk. But despite that, it was close. It was really, really close. In fact, if I was Raphael Warno, my victory speech wouldn't have been me smiling, and I would have been a lot more different. He's a gracious man.

He was talking about democracy and America's promise. I would have been up there like, are you people kidding me with this shit? You guys are giving me a two-point win over this walking besectomy commercial? Are you kidding me? But he's a better man. So that's that. Senator Warnock returns to Washington, and Herschel Walker goes home in defeat. But don't feel bad for Herschel, guys. He actually took the news quite well. Yeah, his people were like, don't get this, don't let us get you down, Herschel. And he was like, let's get you down. Like the Senate race.

He's like, you think I should run for the Senate. But let's move on to some major news about coronavirus. For most Americans, COVID has become something just try to ignore while you live your life, like mosquitoes or jury duty. Meanwhile, in China, they've been treating COVID like an existential danger, all right, to every man, woman, and child. But believe it or not, after weeks of historic protests from the Chinese people that is all about to change. China's government has made a radical shift this morning,

officially moving away from its strict zero COVID policies. Now, this move appears to be in response to widespread protest in recent weeks, including some of the boldest demonstrations this country has seen in decades. China's National Health Commission held a press conference to announce that mandatory COVID testing for most people will end immediately. They'll no longer have to show a negative test result in public places,

and those armies of health workers in hazmat suits will stop locking down apartment complexes. Also people with COVID won't be forced into state quarantine. They'll be able to recover at home. All that and a commitment to vaccinating the elderly sounds like common sense, but it's a huge climb down for Chi-Jin-Ping and the Communist Party who watch protests erupt in over 20 cities with calls for freedom, not lockdowns. I'm happy for the people of China. I genuinely am. Because I don't know if you were following this,

but these restrictions were truly wild. I mean, they wouldn't even let you quarantine at home. You had to spend it at a government quarantine facility that looks like a terminal at LaGuardia. And that's really messed up. Because the one silver lining of getting COVID is having an excuse to get out of plans, you know? But China was like, no, no, no, no, you've got COVID and you've got plans with 600 strangers. That's what you got.

And you know, after hearing this story, I would love to see an American citizen and a Chinese citizen sit down to talk about COVID-in. Because you always hear Americans the Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, Americans, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their.i.i.i.i.i. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, the COVID restrictions here? Yeah, the Chinese person would be like, it was brutal. I was literally boarded up in my home beaten up by the police and sent to a quarantine camp. I feel you brother this one summer I got asked to leave an apple bees. We are not different at all, my friend. We both suffer. But let's move on to some news from the world of air travel. If you fly a lot, then you know how boarding a plane goes. You get to your gate, you try to sneak in line with the boarding group ahead of yours. You put your luggage into the overhead bin sideways so no one else can use it.

And then you sit down and you put your phone into airplane mode. And it has to be an airplane because if anyone calls you while you're the plane immediately crashes into an elementary school. That's how it works. It's science, we know this. Well, it turns out in Europe, all of that is about to change. Could this be the potential end of putting your phone on airplane mode maybe when you take a flight? Starting in June, airplane mode won't be mandatory on flights in the European Union. The European Commission recently ruled that airlines can provide 5G technology on board the plane, which allows passengers to send and receive calls and text messages. Yes, finally, passengers in Europe can make phone calls while on a plane

because every time I've been on a plane, I've always thought, man, I wish everyone was having a different loud conversation right now. That baby can't be the only one who's allowed to make noise. Come on, man. I know some people like this. I think it sucks. I feel like as a society we're quickly running out of places that give you an excuse not to take a call. You know, you used to be able to say, sorry, I wasn't home.

I missed your call. Then the cell phone killed that. Yeah, then you had to pretend you were going into a tunnel. Oh yes, Uncle Ginny, I would love to hear the story, but I'm going to tunnel. Yeah, then the tunnel's got reception. Then subways got reception. Now the planes have reception? Pretty soon, the only excuse you'll have for not being able to get a call is that you're on T- I was not good, but I... I'm... I'm... I'm... But I mean, I guess if you really need to make a call on a plane, it's not the worst thing in the world to have an option,

but I just hope the pilots don't have access to this feature. Folks, we're about the major storm system. Please, uh, turns your seats and buckle up. I'll let you know when we've got to enjoy it. It could be quite bumpy and dangerous. All right, Greg. This is going to take all of your concentration and skills as a pilot, but you could do this. Just focus. Justthis. Just focus.

Just focus. Oh shit, it's Wendy. It's Wendy. It's Wendy. Hey, girl, what's going on? No, I'm not doing anything. You know me. I'm just living my life. Oh, no!

Oh! My love, oh no! Honestly, most importantly, I'm grateful to you. Every single one of you. Every single one of you. I am... I am so grateful. I remember when we started the show we couldn't get enough people to fill an audience. And I always think it's good. That's how comedy is funny enough. I remember all my shows, people didn't, there weren't tickets, you you know everyone, the empty seats. And then I look at this now, I

don't take it for granted ever. Every seat that has ever been filled to watch something that I'm doing I always appreciate because I know the empty seat that sits behind it. So thank you. Thank you to the people who watch, the people who share the clips, you know, everyone who the people opinion, everyone who's been kind enough and gracious enough to, you know, even if it's a critique, doesn't even have to be praised, but some people who watch them, I don't like it when you do this, but I, but I watch, I want to say I appreciate those people. Even the people who hate watched, we still got the ratings, thank you. I'm eternally grateful to you. And this is random for some, but special shout out to black women. I've often been credited with having these grand ideas of people like, oh Trevor, you're so smart.

And you know, I've been, I've often been credited with, you know, having these grand ideas of people like, oh Trevor, you're so smart and you so. And then like, I'm like, who do you think teaches me? You know? Who do you think has shaped me, nourished me, informed me? You know, from my mom, my grand, you know, my aunt, all these black women in my life. But then in America as well, if you, I always tell people, if you truly truly want truly want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the, the, the, the, the, the, the the to me, to me, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to learn about America. Talk to black women. Yeah, because, unlike everybody else, black women cannot afford to f-a-round and find out. Black people understand how hard it is when things go bad, especially in America,

but any place where black people exist, whether it's Brazil, whether it's South Africa, where if it is, when things go bad, black people know that it gets worse for them. But black women in particular, they know what shit is, genuinely. People always be shocked. They be like, why do black women turn out the way they do in America. Why do they vote they, yeah, yeah, yeah, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, and, and, and thi, and thi, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tha, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha, tha,'d be like, why do black women turn out the way they do in America? Why do they vote the way that?

Yeah, because they know what happens if things do not go the way it should. They cannot afford to fie around and find out. And to black women who have taught me, all of them, I mean, the scholars online, the authors, everybody, the roxxan g Rox, their their, their, their, the rox, the rox, the rox, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they're they're their, their, they're, they're, they're, they they they they they they they they they they they they they their, they their, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're, they're, they're, their, tha, tha, thanks, thanks, thanks, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, tho, tho, tha, their, thanks, they they they they I'll remember the names, you know, the Zoe Samuzzi's, the, like, brilliant, brilliant women. I've taken the time to inform me, to educate me, to argue with me, you know, the Toronto Burks, you know, laughed with me, talking about everything from sexual assaults to just what life is like. Yeah, man. I'll tell you now to know what to do or how to do it or maybe the best way or the most equitable way

Talk to black women. They are a lot of the reason that I'm here and so I'm grateful to them I'm grateful to every single one of you. This has been an honor. Thank you Before we go, once again, this holiday season, please consider supporting Feeding America, the largest hunger relief organization in the United States. If you want to support their amazing work of getting nourishing food to the people who need it most, then please donate at the link below. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah Ears Edition. Subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and stream full episodes any time on Paramount Plus.

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