The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories - Russia Bombs Ukrainian Civilians, Biden Bans Russian Oil & More

Episode Date: March 12, 2022

Russia bombs civilians trying to escape Ukraine, skyrocketing gas prices create headaches in the U.S. as President Biden announces a ban on Russian oil, and NATO countries tread carefully. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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More and more civilians being killed as Russia escalates its attacks here. People trying to flee the invasion struck at an evacuation crossing point. Twice, Russia and Ukraine agreed to cease fires in order to give people a chance to get out. Both times, Russia broke the ceasefires with violent, indiscriminate shelling. At least four people, including a woman and her two children, were killed in that attack. We will not forgive, we will not forget Ukraine's President Zelensky vows to punish

Moscow's troops as he reacts to the killing of civilians attempting to flee the conflict. We will find every p-h-bomb. We will find every p-h-broadway shot at our cities, our people, there will be no quiet place on this earth for you except for the grave. Sweet Jesus, this is insane. Like, it's bad enough that Russia is blowing Ukraine to smithereens, but it's even worse that they're bombing people who are trying to escape during a ceasefire that Russia agreed to.

I mean, what's Russia's logic here? I honestly don't get it. What is it? First we murder the people, then they'll warm up to us as their new rulers. What's the plan? And today, after attacking civilians during the first two evacuation attempts, Russia offered to create new humanitarian corridors to allow people to escape these cities. Except, and you can't make this part up. Many of the evacuation routes would funnel civilians straight into Russia. Which is insane. Just think about that for a moment. People are trying to escape and you're like,

we'll let them escape but into our country. Like imagine hostage takers saying all right, all right, we'll let the hostages leave. We'll let them leave the bank, but only if they come with us to our house, then they're still hostages. Are you insane? I mean not to mention even to to to the refugees the refugees to me me me the their their thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. People th. People th. People th. People th. th. People th. People th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. the. the. the. the the thean thean thean thean the. the. the. thi. thi. thi. People thi, even refugees probably don't want to live in Russia right now. Things aren't great in Ukraine, but at least they still get the Batman. There's nothing in Russia. And because many Russians have family members who are living in Ukraine, the idea of the Russian military leveling Ukrainian cities and killing innocent people was never going to be popular in the first place, which is probably why Putin has now gone into overdrive to make sure that in Russia, nobody hears about it.

Well, a new iron curtain has fallen in Russia, and this time it's an information, Iron Curtain. That's why most Russians don't know what's really happening in Ukraine. The Kremlin today blocked Facebook and Twitter, and there are no independent media outlets left. Vladimir Putin signing a law tonight, making it a crime to spread to spread to spread to spread to spread to spread to spread to spread to spread to spread to spread th. th. th. thu. thu. thu. thi. thui. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, thoom. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. And, they. And, the, the, the, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, the. Vladimir Putin signing a law tonight, making it a crime to spread what the Russian government considers fake news about the conflict in Ukraine. The maximum penalty, 15 years in jail.

Independent Russian news outlets have always found it difficult to operate. Now it's impossible. The staff at Moscow's last independent TV station walking off set as their final symbolic broadcast played out. A similar scene played out at Russia's oldest liberal radio station, Echo of Moscow, which says it's been forced to close. We just can say, welcome to the U.S.R. Yeah, just think about that for a moment.

The only place to get any news in Russia now is state media. That's it. Putin even shut down Facebook in Russia, which is so messed up. Like why couldn't he have shut it down everywhere? Why only in Russia? This man is truly evil. We also want to break from Facebook. I mean, on the plus side, the one silver lining of this is that everyone, that that that th. th. th. th. th. th.ly evil. We also want to break from Facebook. I mean on the plus side, the one silver lining of this is that everyone is getting the exact

same news in Russia, which means Russian family dinners are probably going to be like the least contentious affairs ever, especially way more than American family dinners. Well I heard the war in Ukraine is going well. Oh yeah, I heard the same thing. Yeah, more stuffing, please. Happy Thanksgiving, we're Russians together, enjoying same news so we don't disagree. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter.

Zip Recruit finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. We thi. We thi. We thi. We thi. We'll thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We'll thi. We'll thi. We'll thi. We'll thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to the. to thea. thea. to thea. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. ther. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter.com. Zip Recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiters powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it. And you can use Zip Recruiter's pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack.

Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Reciter.com slash zip.ziprecrued.com.Ziprecruer. The smartest way to hire. Russia's plan to liberate Ukrainians by bombing all of their cities. And things don't look like they'll be getting better anytime soon. A third round of peace talks has ended with no resolution. Two million Ukrainians have now fled the country and the Russians are reportedly trying to pay Syrians to come fight with them against Ukraine.

And I don't know man, I feel like Syrians must be pretty conflicted about this. You know, because on the one hand, Russia is asking them to fight in another war, but on the other hand there's finally one European country happy to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have them to fight in another war? But on the other hand, there's finally one European country happy to have Syrians come over, huh? And you know, if you ask me, I think this is a pretty smart strategy from Putin. He's probably thinking that if he can turn this into a Middle East conflict,

then the West will stop caring about it. Meanwhile, in the battle to isolate Russia, McDonald's and Starbucks have become the latest Western corporations to cut ties with Russia, with both announcing that they would temporarily close all locations in the country. Yeah, no Starbucks, no McDonald's. That's a sad life to live. Yeah, no pick me up in the morning, no happy meals. Or as they call them in Russia, meals. I don't think they have a word for happy. You know? Yeah, just like go to the drive the drive the drive the drive the drive the drive the drive the drive the the the the the the the th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they call them in Russia, meals. I don't think they have a word for happy. You know, yeah, just like go to the drive-through and then give the kid the food.

Just like, look in meal, Dimitri, there is great toy of wheelbarrow to remind you the purpose of life is work. This is your birthday, this is your birthday. this is born on this day. This is your birthday. Now, as the situation in Ukraine gets more dire, the economic fallout of the war is spreading to the rest of the world. This morning gas prices soaring to the highest average ever recorded, $4.17 a gallon. I just filled up right now, and it cost me $0.50 versus normally it costing me $0.30. Up $0.10 in just one day and $0.05.05.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.00.00.00.555555.0.0.0.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.0.00.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.00. Up 10 cents in just one day and 55 cents since last week.

Eclipsing the previous record of 410 a gallon set 14 years ago. In California, $4 a gallon would be a relief. The average there is 528. Prices at this shell station in Los Angeles, hitting nearly $7. Oh my God! Gas prices, shocking drivers at the pump. It's $100 and it's not even a full tank. Yeah, if you thought gas prices were already high, Russia invading Ukraine has only made things worse, which sucks for everybody.

I mean, it sucks for parents who need to drive kids to school. It sucks for small businesses who have to spend more money to move things th. th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi.. thi thi thi thi. the their thi thi thi thi thi thia thi gas gas gas gas their thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thi their gas, gas, gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas gas their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to drive kids to school. It sucks for small businesses who have to spend more money to move things around. It sucks for everyone, because the price of gas affects the price of everything. Like, if this keeps up, the next fast and furious movie is going to take place on public transportation. It's all about saving gas. And I feel so bad for everyone th for th for th for to to to to to th for thiiiiiii. th th thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. too too too too too too too too too t too tfffffffffffffus tfffus tfus tfus tha up their tank. I mean, think about it. Yesterday you had enough money and then all of a sudden today you don't.

Your salary didn't go up, right? Nothing in your life changed. You just don't have enough money. Which, by the way, is weird. Can we agree on this is a concept? It's weird. It's weird. I'm saying? Like, I feel like the change should only affect the gas that's on its way. Not the gas that's already there. Like, this gas has been here for a week.

So technically, that's the $4 gas. You know what I mean? Give me the $4 gas. you the $4 gas. In fact, give me the woman who was surprised there? I mean, just think about it. A camera crew comes up to her and they're like, can we film you while you fill up your tank? She was probably like, oh boy, I'm on a secret game show. Oh, he's going to finally propose.

And then they're just like, ha! We showed you don't have enough money on the news. Have a good day. And you know you you you you you you you you you you you th thua you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to got to hand it to corporations when you think about it, man. Because you hear people all the time going like, ah, the price of oil has gone up so everything costs more. But they've done a great job of tricking all of us into thinking that prices are these magical things that nobody has control over. Because you understand, as consumers, we understand it, we go, the price of oil went to pay more. the price. So. the price. the price. And, the price. the price. And, the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. th. the price. the price, the price, thi, the price, the price, thi, thi, thi, the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. the price. And, the price. And, the price. And, the price. And, the price. And, the price. And, the price, the price. And, the price, the price, the price, the price, the price, tip price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price of oil price, we go, the price, the price, the price, the price, the price of oil went up, so we're going to have to pay more. But who made that rule? All the oil companies are making windfall profits right now, over $100 billion a year. Why can't they take a hit? Just a tiny hit. Yeah, because when prices go up, you know, the oil companies are there and they're just making the money. They're like, oh man, I, something else, something else. Something else we could do that wouldn't affect us. What would it be?

And the question is now, why are gas prices surging the way they are? Well, as you heard, Russia supplies a lot of oil to the rest of the world. And even though America and Europe have passed loads of sanctions against Russia, they've cut off its banks and they've kicked it out of the UN book club, they're still paying Russia $500 million every day for oil and gas. Which, I mean, let's be honest, doesn't make a lot of sense. You're sending money to a country that you basically at war with?

Like if you were in a bar fight, wouldn't it be strange to buy the other guy a bottle of bud light so that he can smash you over the head with it? In fact, it's such a weird arrangement that many countries have been talking about boycotting Russian oil, which then created fears of an oil shortage that sent oil prices skyrocketing. Yeah, and apparently those fears were well founded because today, America did this. Today, more consequences from the United States, President Biden announced a ban on all Russian oil, natural gas, and coal imports to the U.S.

Today, I'm announcing the United States is targeting the main artery of Russia's economy. We're banning all imports of Russian oil and gas and energy. America's have rallied to support their Ukrainian people and made it clear we will not be part of subsidizing Putin's war. This is a step that we're taking to inflict further pain on Putin, but there will be cost as well here in the United States. Since Putin began his military buildup on Ukrainian borders, just since then, the price of the gas of the pump in America went up 75 cents.

And with this action is going to gothe pump in America on up 75 cents. And with this action, it's going to go up further. I'm going to do everything I can to minimize Putin's price hike here at home. Yes, you heard the president. Russian oil is now banned from the United States. But don't get it twisted. America isn't just going to start riding bikes everywhere. And luckily, America produces a lot of its own oil. There's Texas, there's Alaska, there's Rudy Giuliani, but it's still not

enough. It's still not enough oil. So America has also been reaching out to countries that it's not exactly on great terms with, you know, like Venezuela and Saudi Arabia to try and get them to pump more oil to get the prices back down. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thrushe. thrific, but thrific, but thrific, but thrific, but thranny, but thi, but thi, but thi, but thi, but their, but their, but, but their, but, but, but, but their, but, but, but their, but their, but, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but thru. But. thru. thru. thr. thr. thr. thr. throoooananananananananan, throananananan, thr. throanananan, their their their their, but their, but their, but prices back down. What you have to admit is a bit of an awkward situation to be in, you know? Because yeah, America's basically like, these countries are immoral and we will have nothing to do with them. Chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin. You guys have any gas money, Saudi Arabia? I said that shit to you before I was home. Yeah.

Wouldn't it be funny if those countries turned around and flipped it on America if they were like, America we would love to sell you oil but we cannot do business with a country that drones civilians in the Middle East. Our conscience will not allow it. Ha ha ha! Now we're just kidding. We'll take your money. You should have seen your face though. You are so scared, imagine we don't take your money. But while America is able to go cold Turkey on Russian oil, Europe is hooked. They're completely hooked for now and like completely hooked. The EU gets 40% of its gas and a quarter of its oil from Russia, which is why they couldn't join this boycott even if they wanted to. Yeah, without Russia's

energy, Europe wouldn't have enough heat for their homes, or fuel for their cars, or oil for their weird Christmas-blackface celebrations, which means that Russia has a lot of leverage in that relationship, and it turns out that they know it. As the weight of crippling sanctions falls on Russia. Vladimir Putin is now threatening to cut off Europe's gas supply. In an address on state television on Monday, Russia's deputy Prime Minister Alexander Novak

warned that Russia has every right to shut off its gas deliveries to Europe. He added, so far, we are not taking such a decision. But European politicians, with their statements and accusations against Russia, push us towards that. Yeah, you see, you can't go too hard after hard after to to to to to too too too too too too too too too too too hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard after hard after hard after hard after hard after hard after hard after to hard after after to to to to to to to to toowards that. Yeah, you see, you can't go too hard after the country that makes it possible for you to survive winter. That's why Europe always has to pepper its denunciations of Russia with like the occasional compliments. This war in Ukraine is as inexcusable as Czechoski's music is unforgettable, huh?

Now, of course, this is a two-way street. Sure, Europe needs Russian oil. Russia needs Europe's money. I mean, what else do they have to offer? It's not like they're going to fund a war by selling cabbage soup. So both sides of this relationship are in a game of chicken, and nobody knows who's going to give. The one thing we do know is this.

It would definitely be better for Europe and America to not be in this situation in the first place. Because Putin has shined a spotlight on the trade-offs that dependency on fossil fuels creates. If countries want to move to renewable energy or safe nuclear power, they can no longer afford to make that like item number 10 on the agenda. Yeah, because not only will the planet suffer, but you'll find yourself constantly having to make deals with the devil. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

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to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. Again, that's zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip recruiter, the smartest way to hire. One of the big stories of Vladimir Putin's invasion of Ukraine has been the surprising resilience of the Ukrainian people.

But what's been almost more surprising is that it turns out the Russian military wasn't as prepared or powerful or effective as everybody thought. Yeah, their turns out the Russian military wasn't as prepared or powerful or effective as everybody thought. Yeah, their tanks are falling apart. Their trucks are getting stuck in the mud and the soldiers don't seem very prepared, which is not what any of us expected. You know, Russia struggling is not what anybody thought. It's like, imagine if in Game of Thrones we waited seven seasons for the white walkers, and then when they arrived, it was just a bunch of old dudes using Walkers.

You know, I mean, it still would have been a better ending, but you know what I mean? You know, when you think about it? You know, when you think about it, you know, when you think about it, you know, because if you look at the trucks that nuclear weapons don't, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, their, thu, thu, their, their, th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, thea, thea, thea, thea, tha, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, their still still still would would would would would still we, that red button and the nukes are just going to be like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, pp-poh-poh. Yeah. Now, please note, if I'm wrong about the nukes, we're all dead. So whatever you do, don't act on my intelligence. This is just me brainstorming here.

The point is that in the two weeks that thiiiii's th thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's far. But that hardly means that things are going well for Ukraine. Several other cities are under siege and facing constant bombardment, and Russian troops have taken control of one especially strategic asset. Ukraine is raising alarms about the situation at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant, the site of the world's worst nuclear disaster. Ukrainian officials say Russian forces disconnected the decommissioned facility from the power grid, but called for a ceasefire in order to restore power. Ukraine's foreign minister says the plant has reserved diesel generators that can power

it for 48 hours. But after that, the cooling systems for spent nuclear fuel stored there will stop making radiation leaks imminent. Ah, come on, Russia. Can you not mess around with a nuclear power plot? It's nuclear power. I mean, I want season two of Chernobyl, yes, but I also want to be around to watch season two of Chernobyl.

Now, thankfully, the International Atomic Energy Agency says that there's no danger of a leak right now, which is good news right now. But I mean regardless, Russia, what are you doing? Huh? I mean we're already dealing with one meltdown over here. The world doesn't need another one. And a Chernobyl disaster is bad news for you. Think about it. I mean best-case scenario. What happens if you screw this up? A lot of Russians get sick. Worse-case scenario, the radiation is going to create th th th th th th th th th th th th th news, I th news, I th news, I th news, I th news, I thus, I thi thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I tho, I thi, I mean, I mean, I mean, I thi, I thi, but I mean, but I mean, but I thi, but I thi, but I thi, but I thi, but I thi, but I thi, but I thi, but I thi, but I th th th, but I th, but I th, but I th, but I th, but I th, but I th, but I th, I thi. But I thi. But I thi. But I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, best case scenario. Best case scenario. What happens if you screw this up? A lot of Russians get sick. Worst case scenario, the radiation is going to create an army of mutant super Ukrainians. And right now, you can't even beat the regular ones,

so is this a move you really want to make? Now, while all of this is taking place in Eastern Europe, the West is still trying to figure out how involved involved NATO NATO NATO NATO the the thullulliiiiiiiol out thull to thull the to to to the to to to to to to the the to to to to to rying to figure out how involved NATO should get in helping Ukraine fight off the Russian invasion. Because you see, so far, NATO has been sending a lot of weapons into Ukraine. They've been sending surface to air missiles, anti-tank missiles, rocket launches, guns, ammo, some Legos for the Russians to step on, everything. And these weapons are all helping. But what Ukraine really wants, really, really wants, is some fighter jets, which

apparently is a much trickier request. The Biden administration racing to catch up to news that Poland is offering to provide used fighter jets, MIGs, that could ultimately be delivered to Ukraine. Multiple sources telling CNN that report initially caught U.S. officials completely off guard. Poland said it would give Ukraine all of its MIG-29 jets, but transfer them to an American airbase in Germany. But the Pentagon said no, that it's too close to direct U.S. military involvement in the fight against Russia.

Okay, this is, this is weird. Poland has offered Ukraine fighter jets. But they don't want to give the jets to Ukraine directly, because then, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. T the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thin thin thin thin thin thin thate at in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in tean, tean, teateateate jets, but they don't want to give the jets to Ukraine directly because then they will be in a direct war with Russia. So instead, they want to give the jets to America and then America hands them to Ukraine. But then America doesn't want to do that because then they're fighting Russia directly. So now there's jets and there's Ukraine, but nobody knows how to bring the two together. I'll be honest, I don't know why this is so complicated. I mean, you've just got to treat these jets like an old couch that you don't want anymore. Hey, you just leave it on the sidewalk.

And then if Ukraine happens to walk by and finds a jet, I mean, what's Poland got to do with it? Also, I don't know if it's just me, I don't know if it's just me, but it's weird that they're going through all these mental gymnastics here, because even if Poland finds some sneaky way to get these planes to Ukraine, isn't Russia going to know where the planes came from? You told us on the news. Comrade, did you notice Poland offered Ukraine jets? Now Ukraine has Polish jets. How did that happen? Yeah, probably same way thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So, th. So, thi. So, thi. So, th. So, thi. th. toeeaau. thoooooo. theea. thea. thi. thi. thi. thi. So, th. So, that happen? Yeah, probably same way toast always lands butterside down, eh? Life is crazy. We'll never know. And this has been a tricky situation since the war started. How involved can NATO get without Russia turning on them? And I'll be honest, I get it. It is hard to figure out. You know, this is like the ultimate conundrum of life sometimes. Like the other day, I saw a mugging on the subway. And I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thirty, I'm not thirty, I'm not thirty, thirty, thi, thi, thirty, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thri''''''''''''''''''''''' is thrieeeeeeee n'n' thrie, thi, thi, this is like the ultimate conundrum of life sometimes. Like the other day, I saw a mugging on the subway.

And I'm not going to jump in to stop it because now that person is stabbing me. So instead I said, hey, don't do that. And then I immediately jumped off the train and I ran away, which I think struck the right balance. Now, while the war rages on, the West's economic war against Russia is ramping up too. Just yesterday, President Biden banned all Russian oil from entering America. But that's created its own problems because Americans still need gasoline to drive cars and to heat offices and to set their homes on fire for the insurance money. So, President Biden is going around the world asking other countries to pump more gas

to replace Russia's, right? Unfortunately, some of the countries that could help America apparently won't pick up the phone. As Americans watch gas prices rise, the Biden administration is now looking at importing oil from hostile countries, but it's not going so well. The Wall Street Journal reports,

President Biden tried to call the leaders of Saudi Arabia and the United Irrememorates, but they would not take his call. Officials from both countries are upset over American policy in the Gulf. Specifically, the Saudis want legal immunity for Prince Mohammed bin Salman in the U.S. He's facing several lawsuits over the killing of journalist Jamal Koshoggi back in 2018. Saudi Arabia and the UAE also want more backing from the U.S. in Yemen to quell the civil war there, and both are also reportedly not happy with the revival of the Iranian nuclear deal. You have got to be kidding me.

Apparently Saudi Arabia won't even pick up the phone for the president of the United States. I mean, look, I know it's hard to arrange those calls. You know, Riyad is eight hours ahead. Biden is asleep by 4 p.m. It's a narrow window to make it work. But still, I must have been really embarrassing for Biden. Can you imagine? He phones, and they don't pick up.

He probably had to do that is why I'm calling. You got me, baby, you got, yeah. Oh, I have been working out. Yeah, this guy loves me. He loves me. Yeah, yeah, okay, I'll call you back. All right, love you too. You know what the White House needs to do?

You know what they should looks like the call is coming from Ohio. Yeah, because then the Saudis, curiosity is gonna get them. Phone's gonna ring, they're gonna be like, ah, who's calling from Ohio? Do we know anybody from Ohio? And someone's gonna be like, don't answer, don't answer. Ah, but what if it's LeBron? I have to the White House, according to the White House,

this story is totally untrue. They deny it, which I would too. But either way, man, there is no denying that Saudi Arabia isn't playing ball with Joe Biden. And you know what, you can say what you want, but this would have never happened to Donald Trump. Never. No one was ever ignoring Donald Trump's calls. Yeah, because if you ignored Donald Trump's calls, you didn't know how he would respond.

Maybe he'd send an angry tweets, or maybe he'd just like ban your country from everything. You don't know. That's why I bet in these situations, Biden actually wishes that he could hire Trump to step in as president wildcard. You know, just keep everyone on their toes. Because if Trump was calling, you best believe the UAE, they'll be racing to pick up the phone. Oh, Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump, we're here, we're here, hello?

Too late, Ahmed, you made me weigh two rings. We're bombing the UAE how to get Russia back in line, people all over the world are trying to do their part to stand up to the Russian regime. The only downside is that some people don't quite seem to understand the assignments. Backlash to the Russian invasion of Ukraine is leading to some misguided hostility in the U.S. Congressman Erks Walwell, who says that the consideration of kicking every Russian student out of the U.S. should be on the table. A young Russian pianist, who is set to perform with the Montreal Symphony Orchestra this

week, has been struck from the schedule after protest. The Cardiff Philharmonic Orchestra have removed the Russian composer Chikovsky from its program of up-incoming concerts due to the current conflict in Ukraine. A popular Russian restaurant in D.C. is now vandalized. D.C. police say several people broke windows and spray-painted anti-Russian writing on the Russia House restaurant. New York's Russian Samovar restaurant says they've lost 60% of their customers. The co-owner is half Ukrainian. He said their sign has been kicked down and people the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their c. A their c. C. C. A theirc, theirc, theirc, theirc, theirc-c-c- r. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. their c. their c. their c. their c. their c. their c. their c. their c. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their c. their c. their c. their c. their c. their c. their c. their c. their customers. The co-owner is half Ukrainian. He said their sign has been kicked down and people have been leaving one-star reviews online saying things like stop the war. Just because you're a quote unquote Russian establishment does not mean you cut a check to

Putin or his regime. Ah man, really, really? You know the only thing worse than not getting help is getting help from idiots. People just because something is Russian doesn't th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi the their thi thi their their their thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thr- theea' thruuu. thea' thea' thea' thr- thr- thi. thi. thi thi thing worse than not getting help is getting help from idiots. People, just because something is Russian, doesn't mean it's automatically bad, all right? Like Russian dressing, for example. Okay, that is bad. That's actually bad. Yeah, that tasks like ketchup died inside a bottle of mayonnaise.

But you get what I'm saying. Not all Russian things are bad because of what's happening in Russia. Do you understand? You're not trying to be against the Russian people. You're trying to be against the Russian government to stop them from what they're doing in Ukraine. You understand that you can be anti-Russia and pro-Russian. All right? It's the same way you can question the Chinese government's handling of coronavirus without punching Asian grandmothers in the street. Do you understand this? Americans of old people should understand this.

Yeah. You know, sometimes people want to be separated from the actions of their government. Yeah, we've seen you Americans traveling around the world with your Canadian flags, sewn on your backpacks. And you know we can't tell to get your nutcracker on. Then come talk to me. But look, idiots taking their anger out on Russian restaurants in New York, that's one thing.

There is another backlash that's going on with corporations, which does make sense. Every day, more and more corporations are deciding they don't want to be a part of the Russian economy that is funding thunning thuuld you yesterday, McDonald's, Starbucks, and now Coca-Cola have announced that they're suspending business in Russia. Yes, which means the Russian people are going to be forced to develop diabetes on their own now. Yeah, and today, today, another big name is calling it quits. Bumble also announced that it will be discontinuing operations in Russia, removing all if their. thaa. tha. tha. thuiiiiii. thui. thu. thu. thu. th. thu. thu. thu. thu. thus, thus, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thus, thus, thi. thi. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. And, thoom. And, thoom. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, too. And, toda. And, today, today, today, today, th. And, th. And, the that it will be discontinuing operations in Russia, removing all of its apps from the Apple App Store and Google Play Store in Russia and Belarus, and it's just the latest company to do so.

Wow. No more Bumble in Russia. That's harsh. That's harsh. Now you need dating apps in a country where the cuffing season is 10 months long. Have you seen the cuffing season is 10 months long. Have you seen their winters? And I know you might be saying, oh, Trevor, meeting women in Russia is easy. All you have to do is look inside a slightly larger woman.

But that's not how it works. Don't be stupid. This is yet another hit to the Russian people, because of what Putin has done. And you know, when None. Think about it. Every day, something else just disappears from their life. McDonald's, gone. Starbucks, gone. Coca-Cola, gone. But you don't know why. Can you imagine how confusing that must be? Yeah, there's probably Russians just walking around like, huh. I guess I was the only person

drinking Coke. Now as always, where the Western companies move out, the Russian government steps in. And luckily, for all the Russians looking to meet horny singles in their area, there's another app that's coming out. Comrades, are you upset that Bumble has abandoned Mother Russia like coward? We do not worry, or we put you in jail. You do not need Bumble because Russia has new dating app. Putin out. Now you can meet single Russians who match your interests, like loving Putin, or

willing to die for Putin, or fit. Just swipe right on fellow Russians, then use chat feature to run more about them. Maybe you fall in love or maybe you report them to police. Either way is weird. After matching on Putin out, you will enjoy all kinds of fun dating adventures like storming Odessa beaches or cleaning normal glowing rocks in Chernobyl. So fun. So sign up today for Putin out. Does not matter if you already married is mandatory. Kim Kardashian, influencer, business mogul, and Instagram's final boss. To promote the new Kardashian show that's launching on Hulu, Kim and her sisters gave an interview to Variety where they talked about their lives and their business strategies but one clip that's launching on Hulu, Kim and her sisters gave an interview to Variety, where they talked

about their lives and their business strategies. But one clip that's gone viral has rubbed many people the wrong way. Kim Kardashian has sparked outrage among some people after offering women career advice during a recent interview with Variety Magazine. Here's what she said. I have the best advice for women in business. Get your fucking ass up and work. It seems like nobody's th. But th. But that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theei. But th. th. But thiii. But thi. But thi. But thi. But that's that's that's that's thi. But that's what she said. I have the best advice for women in business. Get your fucking ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.

That's so true. You have to surround yourself with people that want to work. No toxic work environments, and show up and do the work. Okay. Okay. Okay. I know. I know a lot of people are pissed off at Kim. I know. But if I'm being perfectly honest, I can see this thing from both sides. I honestly can. Like, I can see it from Kim's side. I can see it from Kim's side. You know? She's like, you guys think I just take a few pictures, and I go to a few events, and then suddenly I'm rich and famous, and you think it's easy, but it's not easy. And I understand that. I understand that. Kim does a lot of work.

She grinds all the time. She's a shrewd business woman. And she's a mom to Kanye and the kids. But part of this idea that people have of Kim is the to' thii's fault. I mean, think about it for decades. work. Yeah, in fact, she works really hard to look like she's not working hard. Every photo on Instagram, she's either on a beach or in a pool or in a hot tub, basically any relaxing body of water, she's there. You know, so I get why people have the idea that she doesn't work because you don't see it. You know, I mean, maybe Kim should put that stuff on Instagram, you know, thinne. to the, I'm a, I'm, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thr-a, the thr-a, the the the thr-a, the tho, the the the the tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, their, their, or, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. they. they. they. they. thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-auuuuu. their, their they's they's their, their, their, their, their, calls on product design. I mean, you can still do it in a bikini if you want, but the point is, you know, people

should see more of the work, they'd understand. Like take the rock. Here's an example. Look at the rock, right? Because of his social media, I know what it takes to become the rock. I know if I'm going to try become like him, I've got to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake up up to wake up to wake up to wake up to wake up at a to wake up at a to wake up to wake up to wake up to wake up at a to wake up to wake up to wake up to wake up to wake up to wake up to wake up up to wake up up up to wake up up up up at a a to wake up at a to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake to wake up at a to wake. to wake up at a. to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to to to to to to the to to to to the to to to the to to to the the to the to the the to the the weight in the gym, and try not to laugh every time I have to work with Kevin Hart. I mean, how can you know, he's like the, he's a human, but he's like the size of like a little dog, Kevin, I got him. Kevin, he's like, he's in my pocket right now. Damn. But here's the thing that maybe Kim Kardashian doesn't understand. It can come off as extremely condescending to tell women that the reason they're not successful

is because they're too lazy to get off their asses and actually work. Because yes, Kim Kardashian works hard. But you know who else works hard? Most women. But what their asses don't have is Kim's luck to be born into a rich family with a famous lawyer parent and an even more famous thamamamamamam access and the connections that that brings you. Think about it, if you're lucky, if you're lucky to have that, then yeah, there's a good chance that your hard work

is going to make you successful. But don't forget how much luck has to do with that success. Anyone who says just work hard and things will work hard and things, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi. thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. a major component known as luck. A lot of people work hard and they're still broke. In fact, a lot of the time the broker you are, the harder you probably work. Yeah, my grandmother worked 10 times harder than me, but I'm bowling circles around that woman. Yeah, you hear that, Gogh. You can't tou-you can't tou- before wea. touch me? You can't touch me? Before we go, families in Ukraine are fleeing violence and urgently need emergency aid. CARES immediate crisis response aims to reach 4 million people prioritizing women and girls, families and the elderly. So if you can, please help by donating at the link below to rush urgently needed food, water, hygiene kits and ongoing support in Ukraine. Watch the Daily Show, weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full

episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.