The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories - The GOP's Reality Check, William Barr Steps Down & Shower Power for Trump

Episode Date: December 19, 2020

The Supreme Court rejects a Texas lawsuit aiming to overturn election results, Attorney General William Barr resigns, and President Trump rolls back water restrictions for showers. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Ever since election day, President Trump has made it clear that he would not accept the

will of the voters and allow Joe Biden to move into his house. Instead, he promised to fight the election results in court, where he was sure that he could count on his hand-picked Supreme Court justices to rule in his favor. Well, over the weekend, Trump got a reality check. The Supreme Court deals a crushing blow to President Trump in his attempt to overturn the election. The lawsuit was attempting to nullify electoral votes from four states that Joe Biden won, Georgia, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania. The response to the lawsuit came in the first sentence, denied for lack of standing under Article 3 of the Constitution, saying that

Texas did not have an interest in the manner which another state conducts its elections. The president had repeatedly said that he wanted his case to go to the high court particularly after he had appointed a third justice. But the justice has decided they didn't even want to hear the case essentially saying that the state of Texas, which filed a suit had no business suing over another state's election and now Mr. Trump's legal options have effectively run out. Man, I'm sorry, guys, but that is ice cold.

Like, vaccine storing temperatures, ice cold. Because not only did the Supreme Court not even hear Trump's case, they announced to everyone that they weren't going to hear it. I guess bad enough when someone sends you straight to voicemail, but imagine if they then went around telling everyone that they did it. Yo, you see Donald try to call me? You want me hanging up on this bitch? I'm about hang up, I'm about hang up.

Oh, oh, oh, he's gone. Although, to be fair, to the court, this is also such is such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such such a such such such a such a such a such a such a to to to be such a to be such a to be such a to be a to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tod, tod, tha. the the the tha. the the the the the. the the. the. the. the. the. the. to to to states about how their elections went. That's like telling the waiter that another table should have their food sent back. Yeah, I noticed that their food was a little too hot. You should probably take it back for them. And frankly, I agree with that. It's a good thing that states can't just sue other states for any reason. Because if that was allowed, there would be a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be to be to be a toe, toe, tooing, tooing, tooing, tooing, tooing, toe, toe, toe, toe, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, t, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, was allowed, there would be lawsuits all the time. Connecticut would be suing New York for the constant noise violations, Colorado would sue Wyoming for stealing their shape, and every state would be suing Texas for having Ted Gruz.

So this really should be the end of it. The Supreme Court has spoken, and today, members of the electoral college officially cost their votes to elect Joe Biden as the new president of the United States. Which means, there is nothing more that Donald Trump can do. Oh, that's what you might think! Because Donald Trump did not become a successful businessman by accepting that he was a failed businessman. And he's not about to accept that he lost the Electoral College either.

Now with this rejection by the Supremecaeeec, the Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme Supreme the Supreme the Supreme the Supreme Now with this rejection by the Supreme Court tonight, the president's legal challenges are all but over, but congressional Republicans can still challenge the outcome of the electoral college vote when Congress meets on January 6th. We have more than enough time to write the wrong of this fraudulent election result and certified Donald Trump as the winner of the election. As we speak today, an alternate slate of electors

in the contested states is going to vote, and we're going to send those results up to Congress. This will ensure that all of our legal remedies remain open. Damn, that's extreme, man. So Stephen Miller's just gonna reject reality, the same way his hair just rejected his head. Trump is gonna have an alternate slate of electors vote for him. I mean, why stop there? Why don't they just send those alternate electors to an alternate Congress and then have

them upheld by an alternate Supreme Court? And then he can become president of an alternate country. Maybe whichever country speaks that weird foreign language that Trump's been speaking for the last four years. And in my state. And look, I understand I the des the the the the the the the th, th, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thi, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. in my then states. And look, I understand the desperation. I really do. I mean, what is Stephen Miller going to do once Trump is out of office? Collect tolls under his old bridge?

But here's what worries me. If none of these political or legal schemes work out, Trump's people might try to take things into their own hands. Thousands of Trump supporters gathering in Washington to rally for President Trump, citing unfounded claims of widespread voter fraud. President Trump's supporters undeterred, with some, including members of far-right extremist group, the Proud Boys, rallying to support him. Clashes with counter-protesters, turning violent.

Four people stabbed, according to police, and more than 30 people arrested. I don't know who's going to the White House in 38 days, but I sure know this. Joe Biden is a globalist, and Joe Biden will be removed one way or another. Whoo, Joe Biden will be removed one way or another? That gorilla who just figured out hair dye is really intense. But this is how far Republicans have gone since Election Day. You remember at first? They were like, hold on, hold on, we don't know who will win the recounts, just let the process play out. Then they don't know who the legal challenges, just let the process play out. And now that the legal challenges are over, they're like, we don't know who Congress will vote for. Let the process play out. Meanwhile, their supporters are out in the streets,

causing shit to go down. And based on how they've acted so far, don't count on Republicans to put a stop to that. It's more likely that they'll spend the next four years saying, I know Joe Biden says he's president, but there's still still still the streets, and we don't know who's going to win that. So let the process play out. American Democracy. It has been three years since Joe Biden won the 2020 presidential election, but yesterday he did it again. President-elect Joe Biden took another critical step toward the White House today with the vote by the country's electors, known as the Electoral College, formalizing his victory.

The ceremonies at state capitals across the country are usually a mere formality. But with the president refusing to accept defeat, the electors today found themselves in the spotlight. Legislative offices in Michigan were closed yesterday amid threats of violent, and state police had to block a group of pro-Trump supporters from entering the Capitol. The Capitol is closed unless you have an office here to conduct today or if you are taking part of the electoral process. Anybody else is not committed to come in.

We're elected elected. Yeah, the electors are already here. They've been checked in. I love that office's patience. But we're also electors! Yes, you are. And you look so good in your elector costumes. But this meeting is only for grown-ups, so why don't you guys go to the park and play your sore loser game over there? Okay. And don't get me wrong. I'm th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho tho tho tho. tho. to tho. to to to to to to to to thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th. tho. th.. And don't get me wrong. I'm glad that the system worked. But it is weird

that this is the system. I mean, everyone has known that Joe Biden was elected for a month, but if those guys had somehow managed to sneak into the room, then they could have screwed up the whole thing? I mean, what would have happened if that cop had been 50% dumber and let those guys in? tho' thirty-the-m. th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thii. thi. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. And. the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. toeee. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.? You don't want your democracy to depend on a bouncer. But yes, for the 30th time, Donald Trump's attempts to undo the election have once again finally come to an end. And even some of his biggest enablers are accepting reality. President Trump refuses to concede, but top Republicans now congratulating Biden.

I think the race is over. Pennsylvania Republican Senator Pat Toomey is telling the Philadelphia inquire, quote, the outcome of the election is clear and that is that Joe Biden won the election. Senate Majority Whip, John Thune said of South Dakota said, it's time for everybody to move on. The electoral college has spoken. So today I want to congratulate President-elect Joe Biden. Overnight, Russian President Vladimir Putin finally acknowledging Biden's victory, congratulating

him in a telegram, reportedly writing in part, I am ready for interaction and contacts with you. I am ready for interaction and contacts with you? Putin doesn't sound human. He sounds like a self-checkout at a CVS. Ready for interaction. Pleased to place item in the Berg. Seriously, guys, what a weird phrase. I am ready for interaction and contacts with you?

Sounds like Mike Pence getting frisky. And you know Trump's luck has run out now that Mitch McConnell has conceded the election. Because forget Putin. If Mitch can't find a way to subvert American democracy, then it just can't be done. And there's another sure sign that Trump's time is coming to an end. One of his most loyal minions is saying, peace out. Moments after the electoral college made Mr. Biden's victory official, President Trump announced Attorney General William Barr resigned. Mr. Trump said Barr will leave his post next week after the pair met yesterday at the White House. Lately, President Trump has been upset that Barr said the Department of Justice found no evidence of widespread fraud in the 2020 election, a direct contradiction of the President's

false claims. Bar has also admitted the President's interference of the Department of Justice made his job impossible. Yes, Bill Barr has officially resigned, which surprised some people, because for a long time it seemed like he was right or die with Trump. He whitewashed the Mueller report. He protected Trump's cronies. He even reportedly ordered peaceful protesters to be tear-gassed just so Trump could

walk over to a church and wave a Bible next to it. And when the White House chef prepared Brussels, Barr would hide under the table so Trump could feed them to him. The point is, these two were like Batman and Robin, if Batman and Robin couldn't fit into their tights. But Trump also wanted Barr to overturn the election results and Barr wouldn't do that. So one of two things has happened here. Either Barr because Trump be too bad shit crazy even for him. Or Trump fired bar th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the their their their th. th. their their th. their their their their tra tr. tr- tr- tr- their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tr. tr. tr. tra. tra. tra. true. true. Hea. Hea. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. Hea. true. true. true. truetwo things has happened here. Either bar quit because Trump became too bad shit crazy even for him, or Trump fired bar because he's not bad shit crazy enough to roll in this White House. Either way, this works out the best for bar because everyone

is heading out on January 20th. So this way, at least Bill Barr is beating the traffic. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th,

wherever you get your podcasts. Donald J. Trump, he has just about one month left in his presidency. But in between Twitter meltdowns and golf games, Trump has been hard at work trying to secure his legacy. And today, he checked off one of the most important things on his presidential to-do list. The Department of Energy rolling back water flow restrictions on showerheads and other appliances. It comes after President Trump complained about low flow shower heads and toilets. And you go into the shower, right? You turn on the water, drip, drip. Drip. I call the guy, is something, is, is, is, is, is the the the the the the the the the the the th, is the the th, is th, is something, is something, is something, is something, is something, is something, is the the the the the the the the the, the most the most thoe, tho, thoe, thoe, turn on the water drip, drip, drip. I call the guy is something

wrong with this? No sir, it's just the restrictor. Up until now, showerheads were not allowed to use more than two and a half gallons of water per minute. The revised policy says each nozzle can now use that amount. Environmental groups are calling on President-elected Joe Biden to go back to the old regulations once he takes office. Now that's what you need from a president. Yeah, the country's struggling and people are dying everywhere because of ineptitude, but at the end of the day, you can shower two minutes quicker because that soap comes right off. My man.

Now, because this law was about conserving water, I wouldn't be shocked if Joe Biden reverses this Trump shower policy. And I don't know if I agree with it, but I think it would be funny if Joe Biden put the water restrictors back on while Trump is in the shower. That would be amazing. I said certified free seven days a week. Wet, ah, what happens in the water? So now, the only question is, where will Trump be enjoying all of his high-pressure showers after January 20th?

Because he's not going to be in the White House. And it turns out, his neighbors at the southern White House don't want him there, either. Trump's neighbors in Florida are bracing for the possibility he just might spend his post White House days right there alongside them. Tonight the Washington Post is reporting that some of the neighbors down in Marilago want the city of Palm Beach to prevent Trump from settling down there. They argue he signed away his legal right to live there full-time back in the 90s when the resort was originally converted

from a private residence to a private club. It's well known that back in the 90s when the resort was originally converted from a private residence to a private club. It's well known that back in 1993 Trump's lawyer testified before the town council saying that Trump would not be living on premises so there's that. Okay that is a low blow. Do you know how crushing it must be for Florida to reject you as a citizen? Look, we'll take the guy that kickboxes alligators, but that Donald Trump guy is too much. Although, Trump is going to fight this, right? I mean, probably. I mean, who cares what his lawyer in 1993 said? I don't know who it was, but if he was Trump's lawyer, then by now, he's either serving a life sentence or he's devolved into a mutant manbat.

But from the bottom of my heart, poor Trump, man. New York doesn't want him. Marilago doesn't want him. The only places that would take him are states that he wants nothing to do with. I mean, if he actually tried to live in the heartland, he'd be on a flight. This is my kind of place. Everything is covered is covered is covered is covered is covered is covered is covered is covered is covered is covered is tholk, tholk. tholk. thiiiolk. thiolk. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. the. the. the. the. This is my kind of place. Everything is covered in gold. And all the reporters are so polite. How do they enforce that?

So great, so cool. Before we go, this holiday season, please I want to remind you one more time, do not forget to support your local restaurants. They are struggling so hard to stay open during this pandemic. And if they don't get the help they need, they might not be open for you when the pandemic is over. Now you can buy food from them and if you want to do more than just order food, then please consider a donation to the James Beard Foundation's Open for Good campaign which is going to help independent restaurants to survive the pandemic and rebuild stronger after this

is all over. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. to the Daily Show. to Twitter and Instagram. And subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television.

Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple Podcasts, starting September 17. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.