The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories | The Royals Take On America

Episode Date: December 3, 2022

The GOP criticize Trump for his dinner with Kanye and Nick Fuentes, Elon beefs with Apple, Herschel Walker makes an incoherent speech on walls, and the Royals take on America. Here's what you missed this week. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Monkey Pocs. This morning, the World Health Organization announced that because of concerns that the word monkey pox is racist and stigmatizing, the disease will officially be renamed M. Pocs. The disease will officially be renamed M. Pox. And I don't know who this is for. You know, this sounds like they were trying so hard not to be racist that they ended up being racist. You know, some guy was like, we can't use monkey. That immediately makes me think of, you know,

right? Come on, we're all thinking it, right? think of, you know, right? Come on, we're all thinking it, right? Am I the only one? Because here's the thing, if you're really trying to get rid of the stigma, just give it a completely different name, all right? Because you realize you're just abbreviating the word that you don't want people to think about, which works until someone says, what does the M stand for? Ah! In international news, a French court has officially ruled that companies cannot require employees to have fun at work after one man was fired for refusing to participate in office parties.

Yeah, and I'll tell you now, I'm with this guy. Yeah, if you ask me, companies require way too much of their employees. You're making them go to office parties, team buildings, you're forcing them to wash their their their hands their their hands their their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands too much of their employees. Oh, you're making them go to office parties, team buildings, you're forcing them to wash their hands off to going to the bathroom. It's too much! You've got to pick one! Oh, in some news, out of the Pentagon, the U.S. Defense Department just failed a government audit with officials saying that they are unable to account for more than 60 to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to then then to the military's $3.5 trillion in assets. Yeah, they just don't know where it is. And I don't even know how it's possible to lose track of that much money. Like, are they waterboarding people with Crystal?

What are they doing there, huh? And honestly, the Pentagon deserves to be punished for this. Unfortunately, they happen to have all the missiles, so we'll let it slide this time, Pentagon. Ooh, but next time. All right, let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day, starting with China. America's lone shock. Ever since the coronavirus originated in one of China's major cities, Jijin-Ping's government has been doing everything it can to clamp down on COVID-19. But after three years of some of the strictest-s in the world, it looks like the Chinese people have officially had enough. Protests are spreading across that country. Thousands are taking to the street, some even calling for China's president to step down all of this amid rising frustration over the government's zero COVID strategy.

Crowd swelled in defiance, spilling over to the heart of Beijing. We want to be free. We want to be free. Chanting for freedom from the grip of a COVID policy that protesters say has worn on too long. They're calling for the end of lockdowns, the end of testing all of the zero COVID measures that have ruled daily life here. Yeah, that's right. People in China are taking to the streets to protest the government's

draconian COVID policies, which is a big deal. Because remember, China's not one of those chill countries. Because like talk trash about the government or storm the capital or plot to kidnap a governor. No, no, no. No. Protesting in China is a big deal. It's like growing up in an African family and trying to tell your parents that you don't think Noah's Ark is real. You know? He's like, I'm just saying, Mom, think about it.

How can they fit all those animals on one boat? To be like, the same way I'm going to fit all the same the same, I the same, I'm that Bible? Jesus, have this child now, huh? Now, there are many reasons why China has been so hardcore with its lockdowns, right? Less than half of their elderly population is vaccinated. The Chinese vaccine isn't particularly effective, and the communist government has refused to bring in outside vaccines, obviously because they think it'll make them look bad. It's the same reason I was reluctant to bring a dildilililililililduildildildildildildildildildildildildildildildildilded to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their thi, thi, thi, thi, this this this thi, this, this this this this this this this thi, this thi, this thi, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, th. th. th. their, their, th. th. to th. to to to to to to to their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi. to bring in outside vaccines, obviously because they think it'll make them look bad. You know, it's the same reason I was reluctant to bring a dildo into my relationship. Yeah, no, I don't mind that you use it,

but the fact that you cuddle with it afterwards, that's what hurts me, Candace! That's what hurts me! That's what hurts me! And almost three years into this pandemic, it is still crazy to see the range of responses from different countries around the world, right? China shuts down an entire city if one person coughs. Meanwhile, Americans are like, hey guys, I tested positive for COVID, so I'm just going to play the first few rounds of spin the bottle tonight, okay?

Let's be responsible. Ah! But let's move on. From a dictatorship to someone who wishes they could start their own. Donald, you're making me crazy Trump. Ever since Donald Trump announced that he would be running for election in 2024, many have been wondering, will this finally be the moment when he becomes presidential? Well, judging by his recent dinner party with Kanye West,

the computer says no. Former President Donald Trump is facing fierce criticism tonight, even from his own allies, for having dinner at his Marlago estate with controversial musician Kanye West and white supremacist Nick Fuentes. If you're not familiar, Fuentes is this high-profile figure on the far right, a Holocaust denier, but he's best known for running the America-first organization................. toe. toe. toe, toe, toe, toe, the toe, toe, toe, the the toe, the the the the toe, toe, the to, the the the the the the the the the to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the, the, the, the computer, the computer, the the the computer, the the the the the computer, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th..... th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toe. t. te. te. te. today, te. today, toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. the the the this high-profile figure on the far right, a Holocaust denier, but he's best known for running the America First organization, which according to the ADL, quote, seeks to forge a white nationalist alternative to the mainstream GOP. Even for Donald Trump, this was outrageous.

Okay, first of all, this whole story sounds like the setup to one of those jokes that your uncle tells you at dinner, you know. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, so, so tho, so thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, and their, their, their, the setup to one of those jokes that your uncle tells you at dinner, you know? Like, okay, so a racist billionaire, an anti-Semitic rapper and a white supremacist walk into a bar. And then what happens? Hold on, the black waiter's coming. Hold a diet coke, please. Thank you.

Thank you. Secondly, why do journalists still act surprised when Donald Trump does Donald Trump's stuff? Even for Donald Trump, what do you mean even for Donald Trump? Is Donald Trump doing Donald Trump? Trump having dinner with Nazis is not outrageous. If you have dinner with vegetables, that would be outrageous, that would be crazy. What? Yeah, and he was spelling words, what? What? What? What? But because of this dinner, Trump has taken a lot of flag from all sides. And so in classic Trump style, he sent out a few posts about why. As for usual, he isn't to blame for anything that he did.

But Mr. Trump tried distancing himself, posting on social media that West called me to have dinner, expressed no anti-Semitism and claimed, I didn't know Nick Fuentes. Yeah, yeah, in Trump's defense, I mean, how would he know that the guy Kanye rolls with could be a white supremacist? I mean, I get what he's saying, he's like, I just wanted to have dinner with this anti-Semite. I didn't know he was going to bring a friend. Because I love how Trump tries to immunize himself by saying, Kanye expressed no anti-Semitism at the dinner. And then what? I'm also sure he didn't rap at the dinner, but you still know that he's a rapper. Now, you might be wondering.

If Kanye didn't want to talk anti-Semitism at the dinner table. What did he want to talk about? Well, apparently he was trying to convince Trump to not run for president, but not in the way you think. The dinner was not completely amiable. Trump became angry when West asked the 2024 presidential candidate to serve as running mate for West's own newly announced presidential bid. Yay, posting this video to Twitter, titled Marilago Debrief, explaining he asked if Trump would be his vice presidential running made at the dinner. I think the thing that Trump was most perturbed about me asking him to be my vice president. But then he goes on to say that,

that Kim is a... You could tell her I said that. And I was th th th th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's said that and I was thinking like that's the mother of my children. Trump started basically screaming at me at the table telling me I was going to lose I mean has that ever worked for anyone in history tell me you're gonna lose that I'm like well hold on to you're talking to yay. Okay, first of all, whoever made his video, they bleeped him when he said the thing that Trump said. And I'm going, you have people that bleep you, why don't you use them more?

You just be like, here's what I think about the boo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo- And also, the fact that Trump got so mad at Kanye, just shows you like where his priorities are. He has no problem hosting a guy who wants to go death, con three on the Jews, or the Holocaust deny that he brought to dinner with him who he got along with. But if you ever suggest he should be number two on someone's ticket, Trump will be like, you disgust me, sir.

Talk like that. There's no place in America. We don't talk like that in this country. And I get where Trump is coming from. Kanye is asking Trump to be his Mike Pence and Trump is probably like, ew, I could never be Mike Pence. I have sex with my eyes open. It's the World Cup where the United States has moved on to the round of 16 after defeating Iran 1.0. Yes, it's such an amazing win for them. It means that they go to the next round, and they now get to say, I ran instead of Iran.

In Hawaii, the world's largest active volcano has just begun erupting for the first time in 38 years. Which is a shame. Another brother fallen during no-nut November. It was so close, man. It was so close. In other science news, researchers have now reanimated a so-called zombie virus that has lain dormant under the Arctic ice for nearly 50,000 years. Yeah. Now the good news is that Joe Biden is immune, he already had it as a kid. And I know, I know a lot of people are worried. They're like, why are we doing this? It was dangerous to mess with viruses this way.

But think about it, people, it's actually pretty smart. Because these viruses are eventually going to emerge anyway when the ice caps melt. So the quicker we can learn about them, the quicker we can make the the the th can make the th can make the th can make th can make th can make th can make th can make tha th the the the, the, the, the, thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th th the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. Oh, and in some legal news, a Florida woman is suing Croft Foods over its microwave mac and cheese, arguing that while the box says it's ready in three and a half minutes, that doesn't include the amount of time it takes to add the water, and then wait for the sauce to thicken. And you can laugh, but she's right. I mean, the box doesn't even include the the thetakes for me to cry over the fact that I have to eat croft mac and cheese for dinner. That's another 45 minutes.

And you know, stories like this make you think about, he must be so hard for the lawyer who works on a case to discuss their work with their peers, you know? They're just sitting in a room, thi, th and they're just like, thi, they're just sitting, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's that's, that's, that's that's that's, that's that's that's that's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin's thin' thin' thin' thin'night, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi's thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. ththe right to abortion in the South. It's like, yeah, I'm working on a case to shut down a company that's been poisoning the water of poor communities. How about you, Ellen? It's like, well, you know how, sometimes mac and cheese takes longer to make than you expect? All right, well, let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day. Slotting, with the ongoing, the ongoing, the ongoing, the ongoing, the ongoing, the ongoing, the ongoing, the ongoing, thoomter, thoom, th, th, th, th, th, thiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I's, I's, I'm thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I's, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t togu. t t t t t today, together, together, today, today, to some of the biggest stories of the day. Starting with the ongoing firestorm facing Donald Trump. Former president and host of the most disturbing dinner since the one Jeffrey Dahmer had. Last week, Trump ate dinner at Marlago with Kanye West and a prominent white supremacist named Nick Fuentes.

And we don't know exactly what happened at that dinner, except that nobody ordered Latkies. But apparently, a lot of Republicans don't think's a great look for the leader of their party to be splitting apps with neo-Nazis. Donald Trump facing growing backlash to his dinner last week with prominent white nationalist Nick Fuentes, Republican politicians now among those calling out the former president. I think this has been clear that there's no bottom to the degree to which President Trump will degrade himselfto the degree to which President Trump will degrade himself and the nation.

Well, I think he'd make better choices, obviously. That was a bad decision. There's no place for that in the Republican Party. President Trump was wrong to give a white nationalist an anti-Semite and a Holocaust denier a seat at the table. And I think he should apologize for it, and he should denounce those individuals and their hateful rhetoric without qualification. Let me just say that there is no room in the Republican Party for anti-Semitism or white supremacy.

That's right, there's no room at all because we're already full. Yeah. I mean, we do have room for someone who hates Dothrackies, but that would be a new one. You know, it's so funny watching Republicans try to chastise Trump for hanging out with someone who has the exact same views as him without chastising Trump for having those views. Because here's the thing, I'm willing to believe, I'm willing to believe that. I'm willing to believe that. I'm willing to believe that. But you've got to believe that.

But you've got to admit, it says a lot of him. But to admit about for dinner, that's not your fault. But 15 minutes in, any decent person would be like, I'm not comfortable with how much this guy talks about blowing up planets. Also, why is he wearing a mask? We've all been tested. And it is nice. It is nice to see Republican officials speak out against Trump for a little while. And thinn get back together with them in the end. Trump's scandals are basically like hallmark

movies, you know, except Trump never actually changes and becomes a better person. It's just like, Donald, either you choose your career or you choose me. He's like, well I choose my career. Okay, you can have me too, Donald. But let's move on to some news about trains, or as I call them, choo trains. You may think about trains as just a form of transport, or a place where people gather to solve murders, but they're not just that. It turns out that trains are responsible for carrying billions of dollars in goods across America every year. But over the past few months, railroad workers have been trying to negotiate better working conditions with the railroads.

And the dispute has gotten so bad that now President Biden, Amtrak Joe himself, is stepping in. President Biden is calling on Congress to avertiluming rail strike and impose a settlement that some union members rejected. The President's involvement signals a major shift for him that could potentially pit him against his union allies. But right now, George, he says that he was reluctant to get involved in this one, but the potential that cripple, that this could cripple the economy was just too much.

A strike could threaten everything from farming and food to crucial chemicals for clean water causing major supply change disruptions. Yeah, that's right. A railroad strike wouldn't just inconvenience passengers. It would devastate the entire th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoe, thoe, thoe, thoe, thoe, thoe, thoe, thoom. thoom. thoe, thoom. throe, throome, thoome, thoe, thiole, thi. T, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. That's, thi, thi. That's, thi, thoe, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's thi. That's thi. That's thi. That's the, the, thr. I throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. the. the. the. It would devastate the entire economy, which you've got to admit sounds weird in 2022, right? No, it does, because railroads feel so old-timy. It was like, don't the railroad. And they're like, it'll devastate the economy. Now, it's like finding out you're losing your job because the whale hunters union went on strike.

But I work on computers, yeah, well, actually the internet runs on whale oil. Ha, what are you gonna do? Now, the situation is complex, but basically, some railroad unions are threatening to strike because despite railroad companies making billions in profits, workers' schedules are so unpredictable that they can't plan their lives, and they definitely don't get nearly enough sick days, which they deserve. Especially because every few train rides, they have to climb on the, thethey hear a sound and it's James Bond who's coming to punch them and take over

the train. That's at least a mental health day. So it's kind of messed up for Joe Biden to step in and forbid the workers from striking. You know, that's the only point of leverage that workers have. If they can't strike, what are they supposed to do. to be like, to be like, to be like, to be like, to be, to be like, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to be like, to be like, their, their, their, their, their. their. That's, their, their. That's, their. That's their. That's their. That's their, their, their. That's, their, their, their, their. That's their, their, their. That's their, their. That's their. That's their. That's their. That's their. That's their. That's their. That's to be to be to be to be their. their. to be the. the. the. theate. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. the. thea. the. the. the. That's the. That's gonna be real sad. Do-too! At the same time, though, I can see why Joe Biden is willing to stop the unions from going on strike. He can't have the economy take a hit on his watch. His administration has enough problems. High interest rates, war in Europe. They can't find a sitter for Pete Boudergegege. Time's Joe Biden. This man has spent his whole life obsessed with trains.

This is his moment. Can you imagine? It's made for him. This is like if Trump had to solve a crisis involving the MacRibb. You know? He's just buying everyone out of the room. Melania, get me the hamburger on a secure line.

we're going to solve this. But this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this is is is is is this. this. this. this is this is this is not this is not th is not thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thus thus thus thi, thi. thiolomea thiol-I I thiol-Ia' thiol-Ia' the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. the their. their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi-a. thi-a. thi-a. thi-n. thi-a-n. thi-n. together together together together. together trainn. together trainn. trainnnn. trainn't trainn't trainn. together. together. together. together. together. this. But this isn't yet another reminder of all the things happening in the supply chain that we all just take for granted. We take it all for granted because a banana doesn't just show up in a grocery store. Somebody grows a tree in Costa Rica, and then it's picked, and it's loaded onto a truck, and then a ship, and then another truck. And then a train. And then another truck. And that's when you buy it at the store. You put it on your counter, and you let it slowly rot before throwing it in the garbage. And that garbage is picked up by another truck.

And then it's shipped back to Costa Rica. It's actually beautiful when you think about it. It's a circle of life. It's Aquila Matara. All right, finally, history is full of famous feuds. You know, Godzilla versus Mothra, Swifties versus Ticketmaster. Herschel Walker versus condoms. And now there's a new one. Elon Musk, the world's richest man is picking a fight with the world's richest company. Elon Musk has a beef with Apple.

He claims the tech giant has threatened to pull Twitter from its app store. A move like that would of course crush Musk's new company. Musk tweeting a series of claims against Tim Cook and Company, calling out the iPhone maker for pulling back on advertising on the social platform, also complaining about the 15 to 30% fee that is placed on app developers. Musk also said that Apple had threatened to remove Twitter from its app store as part of its review moderation process. He likened this move to a suppression of free speech.

This is a battle for the future of civilization, he writes, if free speech is lost even in America. Tyranny is all that lies ahead. Really, Elon? Tyranny? You can't give the braveheart speech about everything. Everything this dude is walking around Twitter headquarters like, this threatens the very existence of democracy and mankind.

And the gender is like, okay, geez, I'll refill the paper towels. Stop shouting. Now, we should unpack the paper towels. Stop shouting. Now, we should unpack this a bit because Elon went full on ludicrous mode yesterday with a bunch of different claims about Apple. The first thing he complained about was that Apple stopped advertising on Twitter, which he thinks is an attack on free speech. And maybe it's just me, but do you also find it funny how free speech and giving Elon Musk money always seem to be perfectly aligned?

Right? Elon's like, oh, so the world's most perfectly, perfectly protected brand doesn't want ads showing up next to Nazi memes? I guess you believe in censorship, huh? Secondly, Elon is bitching that Apple has threatened to drop Twitter from the appstow, and if that's true, it's probably because because because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple because Apple, because Apple, because Apple, because Apple, because Apple, because Apple, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, the, the, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, to, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, toe. toe. toe. toe. toe, toe, to, to, to, to, to, to, that's true, it's probably because Apple requires all of its apps to be safe. And Musk has essentially fired all the people who are responsible for content moderation and replace them with a sign that just says, hey, don't post that. And the third point, the third point that Elon's crying about is that Apple has too much power over iPhone apps. Yeah, because if he charges $8 a month for Twitter verification, Apple automatically gets to take up to 30% of any money people spend in the app.

And Elon doesn't want that. I mean, he can't afford to give 30% of Twitter's money away. Just because some idiot made him spend $44 billion on an app that we all use for free. He can't afford that shit. And so that's where we are right now, the richest company versus the richest man in the richest man in in in in in in in in in in in in in the richest man in the richest man in the richest man in the richest man in the richest man in the world in the world in the world in the world in the world in the world in the world in the world in the world in the world in the world in the world in the world in the world. And the stakes could not be higher. Because remember, the outcome of this war could determine how we spend our time while we poop. Today is Spotify wrapped day. Yeah.

The day that Spotify looks at our music and reminds us that we're all a basic bitch. And you know I was thinking, the day that Spotify looks at our music and reminds us that we're all a basic bitch. And you know I was thinking, thank God Tinder doesn't do a year-end wrap-up. Just to remind you of all the terrible decisions you made on desperate nights. It's like, wow, I did a lot of people with pet snakes this year. In international news, the United Nations has officially added the French baguette to the UNESCO World Heritage List. Which is cool, but it's another reminder that the United Nations really needs to eat lunch

before making big decisions. He's like, should we give Chinese food a seat on the Security Council? I'm so hungry. And you would think that this is great. I see some of you clapping. Oh yeah, I love baguette, but remember now now it's th th th th th th th th th th th now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now it's th th th th th th th th now now now now hungry. And you would think that this is great. I hear some of you clapping. Oh yeah, I love baguettes, but remember, now it's protected by the UN. Yeah, so now every time you try and take a bite out of a baggett,

a peacekeeper is going to jump out and kick your ass. They're like, pa! Stop that shit! Biden's Secret Service detail had a bit of a scare recently when five cars they had rented suddenly burst into flames after they were returned to Hertz rent a car. Yeah, now the good news is Biden has got full coverage insurance. The bad news is Senate Republicans blocked it so he's going to need to borrow some money from Kamala now. But my question is, why is the Secret Service even renting cars from Hertz? Why the other person who was thrown by that? What, like, what happens if the SUV they want isn't there? What now the president is rocking up to a state dinner

in a Hyundai? Is that how it's going to work? Oh, and while we're talking about things exploding, experts say the United States is now facing a shortage of bomb sniffing dogs. Yeah, which probably explains how Morbius made it into theaters. And it makes sense, you know, when you think about it. Of course this was always going to happen. If you had the choice of being a bomb sniffing dog or a drug sniffing dog, what would you choose? What would you choose? What would you choose? What would you choose? What would you choose? What would you choose? So simple. Yeah, option A, you might explode.

Option B, free cocaine. I mean... It is hard for us humans, though, you know what this means, we're going to have to resort to bomb sniffing cats. And their noses are good. They can figure out where the bombs are, but they just won't tell us about it. Yeah. The cat will be there like, I have nine lives, bitch, not my problem.

No. All right, let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day, starting, starting, starting, starting, starting, starting,the midterms are over. I killed them, I watched them die. Well, you thought you did. But you never took a head shot and after you left the midterms, busted out of the dirt and now they're back. Because down in Georgia, they're just a few days away. From a runoff between incumbent Senator Raphae, and the reason you're thian thian thel Walker. And we're going to tell you all about the latest updates and another installment of Vote Demick 2022. There is now less than one week to go until the Georgia runoff election and once again Herschel Walker is battling controversies. First of all, he might not even live in the state that he's trying to represent.

Yeah, according to new reports, the Georgia home that he's claimed as his residence has actually been rented out for years. Yeah, and apparently Walker even admitted in a speech earlier this year that he lives in Texas, which I was shocked about because I did not think Herschel Walker knew the names of th th that he's that he's th that he's th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, the state the state thi, thi, the state thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr-augh, and thr-s, and thr-s, thr-s, thi. thi. thr-s, thi. thi, I was shocked about because I did not think Herschel Walker knew the names of two different states. This was really impressive. And I know I know this might piss some people off but when you think about it this just proves that Herschel Walker views Georgians as family

because he's never around them. And of course of course there's the other problem for Herschel Walker, which is that every time he speaks, things go wrong. For instance, Walker was recently at a campaign stop, giving his views on the border. And in his speech, he's trying to explain why he will build Donald Trump's border wall. But in a way that only Herschel Walker can, he goes on to debunk his own argument about a wall, and then takes us on a wild ride that somehow involves his dog. They say, how are you going to do that?

I said, well, I can do it then. You really put up a wall, a wall do work, wall working around your house. They can get in, but you can get in, it'll be hard to get out, because I got a dog that, well my dog really won't bite, but he's put it bad anyway, but anyway. But anyway... I'm sorry, what? Did this man just win an argument with himself? Because he's like, I think his plan is to what, build a border wall so that he can trap immigrants inside America? Is

that what he's doing? You see, once they get in, they can't get up, then they got a good job and raise the family, settle down, and that's how we get them, yeah? It's almost like, it's almost like Walker started out talking about border security and then ended up telling everyone how to break into his house. And personally, I don't think he needs a wall, you know, because the hardest part about breaking into Herschel Walker's house is figuring out which state it's in. Ha ha! Jokes on you. I actually live in Kansas, Hawaii.

Yeah, yeah. But let's move on to some news from social media. Ever since Elon Musk pranked himself into buying Twitter for $44 billion, he has been trying to reshape the entire website according to what he likes. He's brought back thousands of suspended accounts. He's made it easier to get a blue check mark. And now, any number you tweet has automatically changed to 69. Yeah, you post that your dad only has three days left. Now he has 69 nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice. tha, tooice. tooice. tooice. tha, thine. tooicicicicicica, tooomominal. tooominal. too. Yeah, you post that your dad only has three days left, now he has 69. Nice, ha ha, wrestling peace, but nice.

But Elon's biggest promise is that under his leadership, Twitter is completely open for free speech, no matter how wrong that speech might be. A potentially dangerous new change on Twitter. The social media site is no longer enforcing its policy against COVID misinformation. Twitter suspended more than 11,000 accounts for breaking the policy and removed almost 100,000 pieces of content between January of 2020 and September of 2022. And Musk is promising to restore many previously banned Twitter accounts as soon as this week. Health experts are concerned that it could diminish efforts to stop the spread of the virus

and could discourage vaccinations. Okay, look, maybe this is my vaccine microchip talking, but I don't think it's responsible for Twitter to bring back the people who are spreading COVID misinformation. But on the other hand, on the other hand, it is 2022. Like how can you still be misinformed about COVID? You know, we're just running around like, I heard the vaccine turns you into a lizard. Mother's fidd, it's been three years. You see any lizards? You see any lizards here? They're probably hired it. And I forget COVID for a second. It's crazy that anyone would go to Twitter for any medical information.

You know, people should be going to the doctor for this stuff, but because no one can afford a doctor in America, people are out here searching hashtag bump on my dick and hoping to find a cure. She's like, cocaine on my penis, that's not what I was looking for. Anyway, let's move on to some news coming out of San Francisco. Like many big cities, San Francisco has been struggling to get crime under control. And if you're thinking, oh, it's San Francisco, what are they doing? Prescribing all the criminal CBD oil? No.

I mean, yes, but not just that. They also have a more hardcore solution. New this morning, San Francisco officials voted to allow city police to have remote-controlled robots that could use deadly force in extreme situations. Critics of the decision say it militarizes San Francisco's police, but city supervisor Raphael Mandelman, who voted in favor of the robots, said that the killer machines would only be used if lives are at stake. As FPD said, they don't have pre-armed robots, and they don't plan to arm the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones the ones armed robots and they don't plan to arm the ones they do have with guns.

Assistant Chief David LaSar said they could deploy robots equipped with explosives. Wait, wait, wait, what? They're not going to arm the robots, they're just going to give them explosives. That is much worse. Who came out with that PR state? But don't worry, people. The robots. T The robots. T T T The robots. T T T T T T T. T. T. T, the robots. T. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T, people. The robots aren't going to have guns. They're just going to be suicide bombers, okay? Calm down.

Everyone's going. This is such a bad idea. Do you know how often robots make mistakes? Can you imagine if Siri had a bomb? It's like, hey, Siri, play 21 Savage. Now killing your family. No! No! Wait, which members of my family?

But still no, but let's talk about it. Now to be clear, just so we're on the same page, the robots will not actually be deciding when to use deadly force. They will still be trained human police officers on the remote control trigger. So don't worry, it's still going to be mostly black people that get killed. And it's wild how cities can always find money for high-tech gadgets for cops. But when it comes to investigating or like investing in long-term solutions, that might actually fix the problems, then their pockets are empty.

Have you ever noticed that? Yeah. They're like, oh yeah, robot money, we got that, we got that. People asking, you're like, wait, you're building robots that are police with bombs? Can we do something about like the homeless people? They're like, oh yeah, yeah, the robots can blow them up, too, yeah, we can handle that. It makes no sense. The Democratic Party, easily one of the top two parties in the United States. As you the Democratic the Democratic the Democratic the Democratic the Dem Dema the Dema, th, th, th, th, th, you know, Democrats lost control of the House in last month's midterm elections and as they get ready to be in the minority, they're making some big changes at the top. Democrats in the House have made history

with their new leadership. Congressman Haqqem Jeffreys of Brooklyn has become the first black leader of either party in Congress. He will take over from Nancy Pelosi who as you know is remaining in the House after stepping down from the top job. Jeffries is 52, 30 years younger than the outgoing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, a leader with a style all his own and a pension for weaving in the legacy of hip-hop. That is why we are here, Mr. Seculo, and if you don't know, now you know. Now you know. I'm glad no one else in the room finished that lyric. I don't know. As much as I enjoy it, I think it feels kind of weird to quote Biggie in such a serious and boring place like Congress.

Like I love hip-hop. But I don't want to hear it everywhere, you know? Yeah, like I don't want my doctor shoe-horning that shit in. So Mr. Noah, what are your symptoms? Palm sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. Please take this very seriously, I'm very ill. But that's right. After 250 years America finally has a minority minority leader, which is amazing. Although you will notice the Democrats. thoctococococococococococococococococococococococococ, the Democrats, the Democrats, the Democrats, the Democrats, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like th, like I I I th, like th, like th, like th, like th. I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I to th. I to to to to to th. I to to to to to to th. Yeah, I thi, I thi, I thi, like, minority leader, which is amazing. Although you will notice the Democrats only gave it to a black guy after they lost the house. It's kind of like someone crashing their car and then being like, hey, Akeem, I know you've always wanted a BMW, no need to say thank you.

Also, the cops want to talk to you, bye. But no, you still have to give credit to the Democrats, right? Republicans haven't done this yet. I mean, they still think minority leader was the original title of Black Panther. And this isn't just a big deal because Jeffreys is black. Remember that. This also marks a shift for the Democrats to a much younger generation of leaders. Although again... Again... We also don't really know, you know? No, because Hakeem Jeffries is black, so he could be like 90. We don't actually know how old he is. Because you realize even at 52, for a party leader in America, he's actually a young man.

I mean, think about it this way. Joe Biden was in Congress when Hacim was literally in diapers. And now that Hakim is in Congress, Joe Biden is the one in diapers. The circle of life. Now, if we had more time, we could talk about how the House Democrats are just a sideshow for the next two years, because the main event is whether Kevin McCarthy will be able to wrangle his clown car of crazies to get anything done. But we don't have the time to talk about that. Because that because that, because th, because th, because, because, the the the the the the the the the the the the the ho. the ho. the ho. the ho. the ho. the ho. the ho. the ho. the th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. the. the. the. thi. the thea. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. two years because the main event is whether Kevin McCarthy will be able to wrangle his clown car of crazies to get anything done but we don't have the time to talk about that because while Hakeem Jeffries is plotting to take over the house Elon Musk is plotting to take over our

brains. Elon Musk said on Wednesday a wireless device developed by his brainship company Neuralink is expected to to in six months. The company is developing brain chip interfaces that it says could enable disabled patients to move and communicate again. We've been working hard to be ready for our first human. It's essentially that it's sort of like having an Apple watch or a Fitbit, replacing a piece of skull with like a smart watch. You have a neuralink device. Like I could have a neural link device. Like I could have a neural device implanted right now and you wouldn't, you wouldn't even know.

I mean, yeah, Elon, if you told us you were a part robot, all of us would be totally surprised. We would be like, I never saw that coming. Now look, I will admit, the idea of this technology sounds amazing, but in reality, the idea of an Apple watch or a Fitbit in my brain gives me a little pause. Have you ever used an Apple watch or a Fitbit? When it messes up on my wrist, I'm just like, ah! When it messes up in my brain, then what?

Then what? All of a sudden, I'm on Alex Jones praising Hitler for inventing the microphone? Is that what's going to happen? And just like, ah! And secondly, if I'm going to get a chip in my head, I don't know if I want Elon Musk to be in charge of it, you know? Like a year ago, I would have been, the Twitter guy? I'll pay him $8 to stay away. Now, if we had more time, we could talk about how Elon previously promised that his brain chip would be ready for human trials three years ago,

or how he promised that Tesla would be self-driving by 2017, or how he'd build a high-speed underground training by 2020, or how he'd land on Mars by 202. Basically, this dude is dude is dude is dude is dude is this dude is this dude is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thus thus th is thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thi thi thi, thi thi thi thoe. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. tho thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' with IOUs. But we don't have time to talk about the techno king because some real royals have just rocked up to America's shores. It was a royal welcome for the Prince and Princess of Wales Wednesday on their first U.S. visit in eight years. Here to present the Earth Shot Prize, which honors environmentalists. They kicked off the trip by the the tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip thoooooooooooooooo. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoom. tho-a. tho-a. tho-a, tho. th. tho-up, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, the to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. And, th. And, tho. And, tod. And, tod. And, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, the the the the the the the the the the today, trip by helping turn Boston City Hall green. Catherine and I are absolutely delighted to be with you today for our

first engagement in the great city of Boston. The couple also took in an NBA game courtside, watching the Boston Celtics beat the Miami Heat. And then they hold this big star-setted event on Friday night where they're going to hand out five prizes worth more than a million dollars each to folks who are the the the the the the th. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their, thi. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the the. the. the the. to. to. the the the. the the. the the. the the the the the. the the. they hold this big star-setted event on Friday night where they're gonna hand out five prizes worth more than a million dollars each to folks who are trying to tackle the climate crisis. Okay, first of all, Prince William is clearly a liar. All right? No one has ever been delighted to be in Boston in December. December?

December? What are you excited for? Oh, they're having a good time. They even have corside seats. You think these people are impressed by courtside seats? The man's regular seat is a throne. This man has never sat on a folding chair in his life. He's probably like, look at this thing, this chair has a mouth or something, Kate. Now if we had the time, we could talk more about how great it is that Prince William and Kate are awarding money to people who are trying to solve climate change, or how shitty it is that they ignored my idea to plug in a bunch of air condition there's neither glaciers would have worked. But we just don't have the time for that. Because while these these these these these these these these these these these these these the royals, the royals, while the royals, while the royals, while the royals, while the royals, while the royals, while the royals, while the royals, while the royals, while the royals, while the royals, while the royals, while the royals, the royals, the royals, the royals, the royals, their, their, their their their, their their their their their, their their, their their, their, their their theirals, their their their theirals, their their their theirals, theirals, theirals, theyals, theyals, theyals, th. th. th. th. thials, thiia, trials, trials, trials, trials, th.oiiiia, thiia, thia, thia, the UK are not having a good time at all. Overshadowing the trip, controversy back at Buckingham Palace. The Prince's

godmother, Lady Susan Hussie, resigning amid accusations of racism. Ingoze Faloni, the founder of a women's nonprofit and a black woman born in the UK, says Tuesday at the palace, Hussey repeatedly asked where she was really from, implying she wasn't really British. Ngozi Faloni tweeting the exchange which reads in part, what nationality are you? I am born here and I'm British. No, but where do you really come from? Hussie also asking, quote, what part of Africa are you from after Ingozi said she was from London Tonight an eyewitness describing her shock at the exchange if it goes to a white woman

That line of questioning wouldn't have taken place People how many times do we have to go through this? There is only one socially acceptable way to find out someone's heritage. You swab their DNA while they're asleep. Okay, it's the polite thing to do. This is like the first thing they teach you in avoidable racism one-or-one. It is just never say the word from. That's it. A lot of racism includes the word from. So just avoid it all together. Where are you really from?

Go back to where you came from. You see this clip from, Tucker Carlson? From. Just stay away from it. And I also love how this woman was given a chance to control I'll delete her racism, right? But instead she's just copy-pasteed and carried on. Where are you from? I'm born here, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where are, where are, where are, where are, where are, where are, where are, where, where, from, where are, where are, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, from? Where, from? Where, from? Where, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, th from, th from, th from, th from, you th from, you you you th you you th th th th thi th thi, th thi, where are thi, where th thi, where thi, from her racism, right? But instead she just copy-paste it and carried on. Where are you from? I'm born here and I'm British. No, no, no, no, you don't understand. I'm being racist. How black are you? Show me on this map of Africa I brought with me. Oh, let me put it in words you understand.

Ganga, gung, gonga. Coke bottles falling from the sky. Before we go, please consider donating to one simple wish, a charity that grants wishes to kids and young adults who are in foster care. If you want to help grant a wish or donate towards their holiday wish fund, then please do so at the link below. Watch the Daily Show, Week nights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.