The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories | Trump Subpoenaed by the January 6 Committee

Episode Date: October 15, 2022

Kanye West makes anti-Semitic comments, Biden proposes gig workers be given employee benefits, Trump gets subpoenaed by the January 6 committee, and a jury orders Alex Jones to pay nearly $1 billion to Sandy Hook parents. Here’s what happened this week.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter's smart technology. Sip Recruiters' smart technology identifies to the talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, zip recruiters powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it, and you can use zip recruiters pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner.

Ditch the other hiring sites and let zip recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. Again, that's Zip Recruiter. The smartest way to hire. You're listening to Comedy Central. Big Tech News. Mark Zuckerberg has just revealed that from now on, people will have legs in the metaverse. Yeah, and I for one am truly excited for what this means, because first you get legs, then you will get feet. People will have legs, then you will get feet.

Pretty soon, you'll be able to walk out of the metaverse and go literally anywhere else. In climate news, New Zealand has just announced a plan to fight methane emissions by taxing cows for their burps. And this is how much billionaires are winning in the world. Even cows are getting taxed before them. And by the way, even if you support this general idea to try and slow climate change, you have to admit if you were a cow, you'd be pretty pissed about this.

Oh, oh, oh, hold on. Hold on. You steal my milk, make me spend my whole life on death row, and now you, you two nippled bitches are going to text me for burping? Are you all driving electric cars? No! Are you all using solar panels now? No! You still fly private jets, but I can text, okay, well how about this? You bitches? You bitches! Take that, you bitches! Those New Zealand cows are angry.

All right, in, uh... In sports news, after it came out that NBA star, Draym. Green, of the Golden State Warriors, punched his teammate in the face during practice, Green has announced that he will be taking some time off. Which is a great reminder for everyone. Do not punch your co-workers unless you want some extra vacation time. All right, let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day, which for some reason, all involve racism.

Yeah, I don't know if you guys have ever heard of racism, but it's a pretty hot thing these days, and by these days I mean, the last, I the last, I the last, I the last by these days I mean the last like thousand years. Now for some reason for some reason it seemed like everyone was extra racist this weekend. I don't know maybe because it was like a three-day weekend you know people had a little more time to kick back and work on their racism. Whatever it was it almost seemed like people were competing to see who could be the the tho racist racist racist racist the tho racist tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thus. thus. thus. thus thus thus. thi the the the the the the the the the to the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the the the to the the the the the the could be the most racist. So, let's dive in to all the competition for a segment we call the Amazing Racism. Our first story involving racism hails from the great state of Alabama. I know I'm shocked too.

What makes this racism special is that it's from a senator, one of the 100 best people in America, and he said it out loud on TV. Senator Tommy Tubberville, Alabama, is facing a significant backlash from major civil rights groups for comments he made at a Trump rally over the weekend. Senator Tumberville called out Democrats as being pro-crime. He also suggested that people who want reparations for ancestral slavery are to blame for the crime. The Democratic Party, they have a majority, they could stop this crime today. They want crime. They want crime because they want to take over what you got.

They want to control what you have. They want reparation because they think the people that do the crime are owed that bullshit They are not owed that Who yeah, you tell them Tommy That thing you just made up right now about reparations is bullshit. We can't have that fake thing happening. Woo I've got to say people I've heard races say all kinds of things I've heard them say that black people are criminals and I've heard them say that Reparations are reverse racismism. W. W. W. W. W. W they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes tak took tak took took took tell tell tell them say that black people are criminals, and I've heard them say that reparations are reverse racism, but it takes a true racism innovator to combine both ideas at the same time.

Yeah, this is like the stuffed crust pizza of racism, because I knew you could have crust, and I knew that you could have cheese inside the crust that's holding the cheese because now the crust is holding the cheese at the same time that it's genius! Now, if you are confused, if you're confused by what this man is saying, congratulations, it means you're sane. But his point is that Democrats want black people to do crime because that's basically reparations which the Democrats believe they deserve. And there are just two things I can think of, of, the rest of the cheese of. the rest, the rest, the rest, the rest, the rest, the rest, the rest, now, now, now, the rest, the rest, now, the rest, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the to the the to the the the the, the, basically reparations which the Democrats believe they deserve. And there are just two things I can think of, off the top of my head, of the top of my head. One, how does this argument explain black people who steal things from other black people because then who's reparating who?

And secondly, how is this man going to stand on stage and imply that all criminals are black? Huh? That is disgusting. Has the senator never watched Netflix? Huh? I'm not going to stand here and let Tommy Chappellville erase all these white people's contributions! This is the real racism, my friend! Something to make it seem like white people can't do crime. How dare you? White people do crime just like anybody these guys are going to make it seem like white.

All my white friends in here, you can do the crime. You hear me? You don't listen to these people say, you can't do great. You do the crime. Look, you know what, while this is upsetting, you have to, it's not exactly surprising. I mean, he's an Alabama conservative named Tommy Tubbleville. This is not so. What would be surprising is if he got up on stage and he was like, I'd like to open today with my favorite passage from James Baldwin, y'all. So, that's our first story, and I hope you warmed up,

because this next one is a little more unexpected, and it takes place in liberal to the Angeles the big political issue right now is a blockbuster tape recording that could force three city councillors to resign. Nuri Martinez a rising star in LA politics potentially faces a career in ruins. The first Latina chosen to lead the Los Angeles City Council caught on tape making racist and offensive comments during a redistricting meeting with three Latino Democrats. At one point, Martinez talks about the black child of Mike Bonnet, a white council member,

in Spanish calling the boy a little monkey. There's a white guy with a little black kid who's misbehaved. The kid is bouncing off the F and walls on the floor. Perfectly tiping it over. There's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, theatin theatin' meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting theatin, theatin, theatin, theatin, theatin, theathing meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting their their thi the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,behaved. The kid is bouncing off the F and walls on the floor, I have to keep tipping it over. There's nothing you can do to control him. But he's a tangit. I think I'm like, this kid is a beat down. Like, let me take him around the corner and then I'll bring him back. Oh boy, yeah. Yeah.

A Latina Democrat Democrat's called the black black black black the black thia thia thia thia thia thia thia tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th called the black son of a white colleague, a little monkey, was bouncing all around the walls. I'm sorry, bouncing all around the effing walls. Yeah, thank you for censoring yourself. I appreciate it. That was weird. I mean I'm not sure. She she censored herself in the right place. That was weird of her. She'd be like, bouncing off the effin walls like a little monkey, I think you would have censored the racism and just say, fuck, I think that would be better. But to each their own, I guess I'm just effing crazy that way,

you know? Also, do you know how racist you is to use a racial slur against him, it's a little kid. We all see kids of every race throw a tantrum or misbehave. And I'm not trying to brag, but personally, I hate all kids equally. All right? Yeah. Yeah. It's not the color of their skin that makes them annoying.

It's the content of their shitty character. What's especially wild about the story as well is that in the same conversation she basically implies that because the kid is black, not white, he should be beaten so that he behaves. And I'm sorry people, if you believe that black kids deserve to be beaten, you have no place being on the LA City Council. You clearly belong in the LAPD. But, before we run out of time, there is one story that has the whole world talking. I'm referring of course to Kanye West, rapper, entrepreneur, and the guy who proved that not even black people can make the mega hat cool. Kanye has been drifting more and more to the right lately, from wearing a White Lives Matter shirt to sitting down for an interview with Tucker Carlson, but over the weekend, Kanye drifted right off the deep end.

Yea, formerly known as Kanye West, is now blocked from using Instagram and Twitter because of racist and anti-Semitic messages that he posted. On Friday, Instagram was the first site to lock his account, after Kanye posted text messages between himself and the rapper Sean Diddy Combs. In those messages, he accused Diddy of being controlled by Jewish people after Ditty criticized a shirt Kanye was photographed wearing that read White Lives Matter. Then on Sunday, Kanye posted a series of tweets, once again targeting Jewish people, using the phrase, DeathCon 3, the rap star lashing out, tweeting, I'm a bit sleepy tonight, but when I wake up, I am going death con three on three on three on three on three three three three three three three three three three three three the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the, the, they, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tweeting, I'm a bit sleepy tonight, but when I wake up, I am going death con three on Jewish people.

The funny thing is, I actually can't be anti-Semitic because black people are actually Jew. Also you guys have toyed with me and tried to blackball anyone who ever opposes your agenda. Oh no, Kanye, you're gonna do it again, you're gonna do it again. I don't even know where where to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho-a-a-s. tho' tho' tho-s. I'm tho-s. I'm tho-s. I'm th-s. I's th-a-a-a-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-s. I the th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm tho, tho' tho' tho' tho' the. I'm tho'n'e. I'm tho'eanananananananananananananananananananananananananan'eeananananananananananananananananananananan gonna do it again. I don't even know where to begin with this shit. I mean, promoting anti-Semitism to your 50 million followers. Not even joking about it, threatening to go death, con three on Jewish people, which by the way, I know this is not the point, but that's not how you say it. I know it's not the main all right, not Deathcon 3. Right? Defcon sounds like a trade show where they unveil all the latest coffins or something.

It's like, our newest model comes with Bluetooth. Now you can check on to make sure Nana is still there. Just use the app. Defcon. Not to mention the Defcon scale goes from one to five. So, Defcon 3 is like in the middle? If you're trying to tell people how hard you're going to go, that's just a weird way to do it. You know? I'm about to open up a can of whip ass, but I'm gonna put half of it in some Tupperware for later. Uh, you've been warned. I don't want to use O'mah my my my my my my my my my to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use their wip wip wip wip to use to use their wip to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use their their to to to use to use to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their tupu tupo tupu-s wip-s wip-s wia tupu-s. tupu-s wip-s. tupoomoom. to to tooom. tooom. too don't want to use Omar, whip ass at the same time. Also, it's funny that he starts his threat with, I'm a bit sleepy tonight. What is that?

What is that? Does anti-Semitism make you tire? Is that why mega people love the My Pillow guy? Is that what this is? But I will say, man, I feel bad, twa, I tha, I feel thuuuuu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu that that that, I feel that, I feel that, I feel that, I feel that, I feel that, I feel that, I feel that, I feel thi that, I feel that thi, I feel thi, I feel that that thi, I thi, I that that that that that thi, I that that, I that, I that, I that, I th. th. th. th. th. that, I feel th. that that that that that that that that that that that, I that, I thi, I thi, I that, I thi. that, I thi. thi. thi. that thi. thi. thi to to to to to to to to to to thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th're getting Kanye now. I think if they missed college dropouts, my beautiful dark-twisted fantasy graduation, you know, they missed all if they're getting this Kanye? It's like getting to date the high school prom king, but decades off the high school. Yeah, it's just like, you remember Chad from high school? Well, he's got uncontrollable flatulence now.

Yeah, they might even tax him in New Zealand. So, those are the contenders in this week's amazing racism. You've got a black guy hating on Jews, a white guy hating on black people, and a Hispanic woman hating on a white guy for how he raises his black kid. You've got like every combination of racism in there. And you could find that depressing. You could, and I would understand why. But I myself choose to see this. I choose to see all these things as the glass half full.

You know, if everyone is being racist against everyone else, then that means that no matter what color we are, racism is at least one thing that we all have in common. And what a beautiful thought that is. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter.

Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at zip recruder's smart. Zip recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, zip recruiter's powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it, and you can use zip recruiter's pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. ditch the other hiring sites and let zip recruiter find find the the th th th th th them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle

in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter. tho. Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire. Tom Cruise is planning to shoot scenes for a new movie from the International Space Station,

which, good for him. He's finally getting to work a little bit closer to his home planet. This is nice. It's all about that work-life balance No, but seriously people Tom Cruise stays winning. He's one of the greatest movie stars and stuntmen He's doing things that no one has ever done before just success after success So maybe Scientology is right. I don't know. I'm just putting it out there. I'm just putting it out there In other space news remember how NASA slammed a spaceship into an asteroid to tose??????????? tip. tip. tip. tip. the of the of the. No. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the's, tom-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-I their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. No, th. No, th. th. thi, thi. thi. thi. thea, thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea, thi thi th. I'm just putting it out there. In other space news, remember how NASA slammed a spaceship into an asteroid to test whether they could change its course? Well yesterday they officially announced that it was a success. Yeah, yeah.

The asteroid wasn't actually headed to Earth, and they hit it, and now it is. So good work, everyone. Yeah. You just clap for us, dying. I'm not really sure this was all necessary, though, like to send her, like a vessel up to hit the asteroid, you spend all that money. Like if we're honest, one immigrant mother could have done the same thing just by holding up a slipper. That's all she's th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, their, th, th, th, their, th, their, their, the, their, their, they, they, they, they they, they, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th. I th. I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, the, the th. So, thi, thi, they. So, they. So, they. Soo, they's throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happen. Come to earth and see what happens. Yeah, that's right. Turn around. Turn that, turn

that, turn that, turn that astray around. In sports news, NFL star, Devante Adams of the Raiders, has now been charged with misdemeanor assault for shoving a sideline photographer on Monday. Luckily, the photographer was attended to misdemeanor assault for shoving a sideline photographer on Monday. Luckily, the photographer was attended to by NFL doctors, so he'll be fine. I mean, he died, but the doctor's still clad into play next Sunday. They said the game must go on. All right, let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day. Starting off with a major story about the gig economy.

You know, the gig economy, the reason your tinder date date date date date date date date date date date dateack? Well, over the past decade, more and more people have been making a living at jobs where the companies they work for are technically not their employers. But now, America's most famous employee might be changing that. All right, a potential game changer for millions of gig workers, the Biden administration proposing a new rule that would reclassify millions of them as company employees. The new rule could have wide-ranging impact on profits at Uber, Lyft, DoorDash, and other companies that rely on contractors. With that employee label, workers would be eligible for protections like a minimum hourly

wage, overtime pay, jobless benefits and workers come. Wow. If Biden gets this done, it's going to shake up the world of apps completely. Because you realize right now, the reason delivery and car apps can take in billions of dollars is partly because they don't technically have employees, which is great for them. It's the same way some people aren't technically in a relationship, but they still get all the benefits. Yeah, they get the sleepovers, but they don't have to take care of you when when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when the the sleepovers, but then they don't have to take care of you when you're sick, you know? It's just like, oh, I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I guess I'll see you when you're ready to smash, bye. But what Biden is suggesting is that these companies have to give their workers the benefits

that employees would get. And I know that you'll agree with me, no one deserves it more than them, right? Because these people are hard workers, they're driving everywhere, they're biking, they're delivering, they're taste-testing our food before it gets to us. This is hard work. So this is a big step for a lot of people in the gig economy. But don't forget, there are drawbacks singing you happy birthday at work. Yeah, you'll love it initially, but once they start on the, how old are you now? How old are you? You'll be like, I have health care, but at what cost?

All right, let's move on to some news about the midterms. The reason your inbox is now full of emails with the subject line, send me $4 or I'll kill myself. Let's catch up on some of the tightest races in our ongoing coverage of Vote Demick 2022. Right now, any single Senate race in America could determine which party could take control of the Senate, giving them the power to get nothing done for the next two years. And few races are closer right now than the one in Pennsylvania. On the Republican side, you have Dr. Oz, famous TV doctor and proof that even Oprah makes

mistakes. And on the Democratic side, you have John Fetterman, former Lieutenant Governor and dude who's just going off in the Marsh Pit. This race has hinged on a number of issues, like crime, abortion, and the fact that Dr. Oz has only lived in Pennsylvania for less than two years. Which, is that even a real Pennsylvania? Huh? Has this dude even been in a fist fight in a Wawa parking lot? But now another question has begun to take sense of stage in the race,

John Fetterman's health. Back in May, Fetterman suffered a stroke. And even though he's been back on the campaign trail, he still hasn't fully recovered. And now, his first major interview since the stroke has everyone talking. Can voters stress that you will be able to do this job on day one? Yeah, of course. This is Pennsylvania Democratic Senate candidate, job on day one. Yeah, of course. This is Pennsylvania Democratic Senate candidate John Fetterman's first in-person sit-down

interview, since a stroke sideline him from the campaign trail for months. That auditory processing where I'll hear someone speaking, but sometimes it'll be able to be precise on what exactly that they're saying, I use captioning. His campaign required that he'd be allowed to use a transcription program on his computer during our interview. I always thought I was pretty empathetic. I always thought I was pretty empathetic before having a stroke. thii. I think I was very empathetic, I really understand, you know, that's an example of the stroke. I always thought it was that stroke, I really understand, you know, much more kind of the challenges that Americans have day in and day out.

So yeah, this interview came out. And now obviously you've got people on the right saying Federman forgot a word and he can't understand speech so he's not fit for the Senate. And look, this is politics. So I get it. People will jump on any weakness to give their party an advantage. I understand that. But, let's be real, people. If stumbling over a word every now and again,

disqualified you from politics, America wouldn't have had a president for the past six years. Let's be honest. In fact, at least Fetterman acknowledged that he messed up the word and he corrected himself. Yeah, Biden wouldn't have noticed and he would have just, never, Negroes, man. And Trump, can you imagine Trump? Trump wouldn't have even acknowledged it at all. Like Trump would have tried to convince us that he actually got the word right.

He'd be like, I always knew that I was emphatic and I was and also empathetic. I was emphatically empathetic. I was emphatically empathetic and so emphatic about being empathetic. Emphatic about Infazima. Do we love them for emphazima folks? We love it so much. And also, as for needing to read captions because he has a troubled understanding of speech now, I don't know, is that really a deal breaker? Huh? In fact, if you ask me, I think America needs more people in politics who actually know how to read. Maybe that's just how I steer.

If anything, if anything, needing captions, they're super relatable. ne these days. Yeah. Have you tried watching House of Dragon without captions? It's impossible. I mean half the characters have the same name. Agon. Tell Amon to get Renera to warn Renneris about Egon's dream. But don't tell Vesarius. He'll tell Jocerius. Did you get that? No I didn't. I don't know what that. So look. So look. I'm not vouching for Federman over Dr. to Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr. I that. I that. I that. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thian. I thian. I thian. I thus. I'm vouching for Federman over Dr. Oz or anything like that, but I do think this whole debate is veering into the territory of saying that people with disabilities cannot be lawmakers, which is trash, all right? Especially since America already has disabled lawmakers serving right now. It shouldn't be disqualified. Dan Crenshaw is missing an eye.

Tammy Duckworth lost both her legs, right? And Mitch McConnell, he's literally melting all the time. But has he let that hold him back? No! He gets up every day and he bows to keep on working until the moment his face slides right off of his skull. Oh, that's right. Every night I tie my skin into a ponytail.

Ma. Now, even though the Senate is getting the most attention, there's also a heated race for mayor of Los Angeles, where Congresswoman Karen Bass is facing off against real estate tycoon, Rick Caruso. And in their final debate last night, there was one moment that got everyone's attention. And it's when the moderator mentioned that Karen Bass is a person of color and then Rick

Russo said, uh, me too. And this question goes for the both of you. The next mayor of Los Angeles will be either an African-American woman or a white man. I'm Italian. I'm Italian American. Thank you. That's American. Thank you. That's Latin. Thank you. That's Latin. That's it. You're not white, you're Latin? Get the f-a'-a' tha'e, man. What is that? What is that? What is that? What is that? We all know what this is about, right?

This guy's running in Los Angeles, so now he's saying, I'm Italian, which is a Latin language, so I'm basically Latino, right? And look, I'm not claiming to be an expert, but if you tell someone you're grabbing Latin food, I think they'll be pretty pissed off when you come back with Olive Garden, right? We can all agree on that. So I think we can all agree that Rick Caruso is just bullshitting here. Because I promise you when he gets pulled over by the cops, he's not like, Ola officer, what is the problem, Signor?

What's funny about this whole thing is that when they came like a hundred years to change that. Yeah. And let's be honest, any debate was definitely over by the time the Mario trailer came out last week. Yeah, because Chris Pratt is out here like, it is I, Mario. So, the Senate races are heating up. The mayoral races are heating up. But it turns out, even in the animal kingdom, my friends, elections are being fought tooth and nail. An update on Fat Bear Week. It's the popular bracket that has been rocked by a big cheating scandal. So each year, people vote on the beefiest bear in Alaska's catmate, catmine, National

Park, before hibernation season. Well, the National Park tweeted, quote, like bears stuffed their face with fish. Our ballot box two has been stuffed. There were thousands of fake votes for bear 747. But even with the fake votes removed, 747 weighed in at 1,400 pounds and still won the semi-final round. Now 747 will face off against bear 9.01 for the semi-final round, now 747, will face off against Bear 901 for the final round voting start this morning. Yes, my friends, it appears that a voting scandal has tainted the dignity of fat bear

weak. And don't you dare laugh, don't you laugh? If we cannot trust the sanctity of the fat bear vote, then what can't we trust? I honestly don't understand this. Who would even care enough about a fat bear election to try and cheat and stuff the ballot box? Who is this person? Who's like, oh, I've got to rig this, and why? The fattest bear doesn't the election and then cut taxes. Wow, I use my claws to cut the taxes.

And now for the zoning laws. What are you doing? And by the way, I feel like this story is almost the perfect encapsulation of American culture. Because when other countries engage with nature, there's a reverence. It's like, the mighty brown bearer the to'er. of the coming chill hunkers down for the winter months. With America, it's like, look at this chunky boy, look at him. He's so chunky, I just want to wall, waw, dude! Oh my God, oh he just ate my arm.

Take a picture! US economy. Remember how the Fed raised interest rates a thousand times in the last week to try and stop inflation? Well it turns out it didn't work. Breaking news on the economy. Inflation shows no signs of slowing down. The last inflation report before the midterm elections, take a look at some of these numbers shows that prices rose 8.2 percent between September 2021 and September 202. Gasoline prices up more than the th the to toeeee. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toefiiiiiiiiii. thi. thef. thef. thef. toef. toefeufeufeus, the th. theus, theus, th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. the th. the the th. the the th. the th. the thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. to tooea. tooea. tooea. tooea. tooe. tooe. te. tooe. too up more than 18% from last year. Food prices still up 11%. Turkey up 20% from this time last year,

eggs up 27%, butter 25%. And then look at the little candy graffic, Halloween candy up a whopping 34% across the board. That's right, people, Halloween candy up 34%. I love how they say it like it's necessary to live. What are we going to do the board. That's right, people. Halloween candy. Up 34%. I love it they say it like it's necessary to live. What are we going to do without it? Once again, inflation numbers are out,

and prices are still going up, affecting everything from gas to Halloween candy. And not only that, razor blades are up 52%. Now, what am I supposed to put in the candy? Oh, how do I live thia thia thia thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I will thi, I will thi, I will thi, I will thi, I will thi, I will thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thate, I'll thate, I'll thate, I'll thate, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, th what am I supposed to put in the candy? Oh, how do I live? I will say a 34% increase in candy, that is a lot. It's so expensive, parents are gonna start encouraging their kids to get into strange vans, you know? Just like, look, Timmy,

the stranger says he's got free candy, and in this economy, we've got to take a shot buddy we gotta do it you got to air tag I'll find you all this all this inflation is just not sustainable right because here's the thing inflation is is a lot like masturbation right yeah a little bit is completely natural but once you start noticing it in restaurants and car dealerships things have gotten out of hand. And look, if we had more time, we could talk about the Federal Reserve. And it looks like how they're going to keep raising interest rates to try and curb this rampant

inflation, because that's basically the only tool that they have. The problem is raising interest rates takes so't know it yet. In some ways, raising interest rates is a lot like taking mushrooms, right? You take some? Nothing happens. So you take some more. Nothing happens. Then you finish the whole box. And because this stuff clearly doesn't work, what you... What do you want to work? Whoa. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, th. th. thoo. tho. tho-too-in, th. th. th. thooo-the. th. th. th. th I think it's, I think they're too swore so kicking in. I just met God and he's a gorilla. Oh, alright. You don't know the time for this! Because while everyone's bills are going up, one of the worst people of all time, just got the biggest bill of all time for this because while everyone's bills are going up one of the worst people of all time just got the biggest bill of all time.

Tonight the stunning verdict conspiracy theorist Alex Jones ordered to pay nearly a billion dollars for spreading falsehoods about the Sandy Perks shooting. Jones was not in the courtroom for the verdict but immediately reacted on his online show calling the attorneys for the victim's families ambulance, and mocking the attorneys for the victim's families ambulance chasers and mocking the verdict. $120 million. Yeah! $57 million, $20 million, $50 million, $100 million, you get a $50 million. They actually believe we're getting this money. It's like they believe all their own stuff.

What a dick. You know I used to watch American movies as a kid. And I always thought the bad guys that were in the're getting this money. It's like they believe all their own stuff. What a dick. You know, I used to watch American movies as a kid, and I always thought the bad guys that were in the movies were fake. And then I came to this country, and bad guys are literally in their lair like, you haven't seen the last of me. Ha ha ha ha! Ha! Ha! And the first responders of Sandy Hook, when he accused them of faking the shooting, Alex Jones has been ordered to pay $965 million. Yeah.

Which is a huge amount of money. You know you've fucked up when even your great, great grandkids will have to declare bankruptcy. Yeah, he's basically got millions of sperm swimming around on his bullets, and every single one of them is a broke-ass bitch right now. Every single one. And by the way, good luck to Alex Jones's lawyer trying to get clients after this, you know, like what's your selling point? You know in my last case, the jury awarded a billion dollars. Wow, to your client? Well to A client? to your client? Well, to A client! Now, if we had more time, we could talk about how Jones's conspiracy theories have only become more mainstream since Sandy Hook.

And that there's not enough billion-dollar judgments in the world to change the fact that one-fifth of Americans think that Sandy Hook might have been staged. But we can't get into all of that, because while Alex Jones's trial is over. Andy Warhol's is just beginning. The Supreme Court heard a case today involving one of the most famous artists in American history. The justices are deciding whether Andy Warhol illegally copied another artist's work. They're among Andy Warhol's most iconic portraits, the silk screen images of Prince. The image was based on a 1981 photograph by Lynn Goldsmith. She sued Warhol's foundation, claiming copyright infringement.

The justices did find some lighter moments when Clarence Thomas revealed his musical tastes. Let's say that I'm both a Prince fan, which I was in the 80s, and... No longer. Well, I'm normally on Thursday night. Oh yeah. Justice Thomas, I see you, you little freak nasty. Oh. Six days a week, it's shapeless black robes, but then Thursday night hits and you got that full bush of chest hair popping out. Yeah.

I know a lot of people right now might be wondering why Thomas only listens to Prince on Thursday night specifically. But you see, Clarice Thomas is an originalist. And it says right there in the Constitution, Thursday night is F. Yeah, it says it. It says it. We always go back. I don't know why they put that in there, but they did. But yeah, the big question in this case is if Andy Warhol simply copied the Prince picture or if he made it his own by transforming it. And it just so happens that I am an art expert. Yeah, so I'm uniquely qualified to answer this question. Now, if you compare them, and you look very closely, you'll see, he made it red and purple with some squiggly things.

I'm sorry, I'm such an art geek, that this is probably going all over your heads. The bottom line is I think it is different to her than the other one. That's what, that's what, now look, if we have the time, we could talk about how it's weird that the Supreme Court is the tr-o'errifice thiiole, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thri, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thi-s, thi-s, thri-s, thri-s, thri-s, thri-s, thriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thri- you get to be an expert on every single issue in the world. It's what, well actually the Supreme Court and Twitter, but we just don't have the time for that. Because while the Supreme Court is trying to decide if certain artists are stealing, it's becoming clear that a certain former president definitely is. This morning, a new twist in the investigation into former President Trump's alleged misdemeanor to classify documents at his th. Trump told people to move boxes

to his residence at the property after advisors received a subpoena in May for any classified documents at Maralago. That witness account was corroborated by security camera footage, which showed people moving the boxes. Yo, I'm sorry, Trump is a legend. Who else gets court committing crimes with their own security cameras? Who are you? How are you real? You realize, you realize this guy's, and they're like, hurry, move those classified documents so I can illegally hide them from the FBI.

But first, but first, let's all wave at that blinking red light and tell it our names. Donald J. Trump, the J stands for genius. There's something inspiring about it too when you think about it. You know, this is actually inspiring because Trump is so bad at crime, but he gets away with so much of it. It just shows us that we could do crime too. Yeah, he's like the drunk couple at karaoke. Hearing them screeched through, don't stop believing gives you the confidence to try kiss

from a rose. And look, if we had a little more time, we could have so much fun talking about how Trump has once the justice department crack the case against him. Or we could even get into my personal conspiracy theory that Ron DeSanters and his people are probably the ones who snitched on Trump to get him out of the presidential race. But we don't have the time for that. Because while the FBI is investigating Trump's mishand of classified documents,

Congress is investigating a whole different Trumps' crime. And today, at their finald, at their their their their their their their their their their their their their their finald, their, their, their, th.. thii. thi, th. Committee released never-before-seen footage showing what Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Shuma were doing while Trump's mob was outside asking to have an intimate conversation with Mike Pence's neck. And it was pretty impressive how they were keeping their cool and trying to get stuff done. Everything from phoning the vice president to even try to call in the National Guard. But one of the craziest moments was when Nancy Pelosi pointed out one really smelly reason the lawmakers might not be able to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the to to be able the the to be able to be able to be able to stay a the the to be able the the the to be able to be able to be lawmakers might not be able to stay in the Capitol. USA!

What we are being told very directly is it's going to take days for the Capitol to be okay again. We've gotten a very bad report about the condition of the House floor with defecation and all that kind of thing as well. I just got off with the vice president. I had the impression for Mitch that Mitch wants to get everybody back to do it there. I said, well, we're getting a counterpoint that is, it could take time to clean up the poo poo that they're making all over them, literally and figuratively in the Capitol. Yep, you heard that right. It turns out right-wing Jamarikwai were shitting, or as Nancy

Pelosi put it poo-pooing all over the Capitol. And you know, when I was watching this happen, I thought to myself it's so interesting how people like Tucker Carlson were calling black people animals when the George Floyd protest were happening. But when th th the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. thoom. You, thuukekekeyea, thoomouing up th. Yep, th. Yep, th. Yep, thoomkeen, th. Yep, th. Yep, thoom. Yep, black people animals when the George Floyd protest were happening. But when these people were literally shitting in the Capitol, Fox was like, these brave patriots are just expressing their frustration and standing up for American democracy. They're not the animals? Like I can tell you for a fact, even in Minnesota when shit was going down and people were raiding that target, there was no black man who stopped in the middle of all of them. was like, they was like, they was like, they was like, they was like, they was like, they was like, hey, they was like, they, they, they, they, they, hey, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, their not, their not, their not, their not, their not, their not, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, were thi, were thi, were thi, were thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, were thi, thi, thi, who stopped in the middle of all of them was like, hey, y'all up, hold up, hey, hold up, hold up. Hey, hold up, hold up.

Black Lives Matter. But we don't have the time to talk about those moments from the committee, because the biggest news of the day is that talk about those moments from the committee because the biggest news of the day is that the January 6th committee has issued a subpoena to speak to the chief of Poo-Poo himself. Happening now. The January 6th Select Committee punctuates its final hearing before the midterm elections with a bombshell, a subpoena for former President Donald Trump.

So this afternoon, I am the committee the committee the committee the committee thee th. the committee th. th. th. thiiiiiiiiiioli thi to the c. thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the toe, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, toe, th. toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. too too thean toean. thean. thi. the thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi, the th for former President Donald Trump. So this afternoon, I am offering this resolution that the committee direct the chairman to issue a subpoena for relevant documents and testimony under oath from Donald John Trump. Oh shit! What? What? What? What? What? What? That's what the J stands for? What a bombshell! Oh, and also the fact that they just subpoenaed a former president of the United States.

And I mean, hell yeah, finally! How are they only deciding on this now? Huh? Only now? It's like doing a whole murder investigation. And then on the last day being like should we like talk to the murderer? Yeah He might have said information about the murderer maybe Now even after this came out everyone assumes that Trump is not going to show up to testify But I feel like he's gonna be a little conflicted. Yeah because on the one hand, yes, he thinks this is a crooked witch hunt That is out to get him, but on the other hand, the the the the the the the, the, the, thr-on, thr-on, thr-on, thr-on, thr-on, thr-on, thr-on, thr-on, thr-in, thr-in, thr-in, the, the, thruth, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thr-in, thr-in, thr-in, thr-in, thr-in, thr-in, thr-in, thr-in, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the, the, thin, thiiiiiiii's theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee information the information This would be like the Super Bowl meets Watergate, meets Game of Thrones,

meets a mandatory HR video about sexual harassment. Everyone will be watching. Everyone will be watching. And we all know, the only thing Donald Trump loves more than ratings is grabbing classified documents by the pussy. And look, whether you like Trump or not, you've got to admit, this dude is a record breaker. First president to be impeached twice, huh? First president to be subpoenaed for staging a coup. First president to go to prison, maybe? First president

to break out of prison. First president to escape to Mexico? First president to escape to Mexico? First president to be blocked by his own wall, try to escape to Mexico! Before we go, the Daily Show's official Vote Demick 2022 merch has just dropped. Proceeds from select items will benefit headcount, a non-partisan, non-profit organization that promotes voter registration. So, if you want to support head count and look fresh on election day, scan the QR code and head to the link below. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah Ears Edition. Subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and stream full episodes any time on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.