The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories - Trump Teases Capitol Riot Pardons, Tom Brady Announces Retirement & More

Episode Date: February 5, 2022

Donald Trump suggests he might pardon U.S. Capitol rioters if re-elected president, quarterback Tom Brady retires from the NFL, and CNN President Jeff Zucker resigns under a cloud of scandal. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Donald Jiminy Trump. Trump is basically the ex that America kicked out for throwing an open house party at the Capitol. And like many exes, he really wants a second chance. But instead of promising to do better next time, he's threatening to do even worse. Former President Trump returned to the campaign trail, so to speak, in Texas last night.

And during this rally, Trump said he would consider pardoning those prosecuted for attacking the U.S. Capitol on January 6th. If I run, and if I win, we will treat those people from January 6th fairly.., and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, he, th, he thi, he thi, he thi, he thi, he thi, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, thiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi.eeeeeeeeii.ei.ei.e. He's thi. He's thi. He's thii. He's thi. He's th I win, we will treat those people from January 6th fairly. And if it requires pardons, we will give them pardons because they are being treated so unfairly. Trump also urged his supporters to hold massive protests in cities like New York, Atlanta, and Washington, D.C. if prosecutors investigating him in those cities bring charges against him. If these radical, vicious prosecutors do anything wrong or illegal, I hope we are going

to have in this country the biggest protest we have ever had in reality, they're not after me, they're after you, and I just happen to be the person that's in the way. Yo, oh man, Donald Trump is the greatest con man of all the time. Do you hear everything this guy said? Everything he said. I mean, part of it was like the racist person. Who are they racist too? Who is racist in this thing to Donald Trump? Huh? And if you think about it, like, it's really, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoo. th. th. thoo. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th Trump, huh? And if you think about it, like, it's really smart what he's saying, because he could have pardoned all of his people when January 6th happened. You realize that, right?

He was the president, but he didn't pardon them. He let them get prosecuted, and now they're all going to jail. He let this happen to you. He let this happen to you. But you did. It's like some dirtbag being like, let me tell you something. If you were my girl, but I'm your wife. Yeah, but if you were my girl, this shit wouldn't have happened, baby.

You gotta admit Trump leans on his supporters really hard. I mean, first, they had to storm the capital because he's, election. Then their donations went to his legal fees because he's always getting sued. Now, they have to protest if he gets charged? Like, where does it end? If Trump does go to prison? Is he going to make these poor people smuggle cigarettes up their butt? They're worth more unopened. So make sure you get the whole carton up in there and don't clench. It'll squish the filters.

Anyway, moving on. From Donald Trump to posh Donald Trump, Boris Johnson. The British Prime Minister, and guy who starts every morning sticking a fork in an electrical outlet, has been in quite a spot of bother lately, which means it's time for another installment of, keep calm and party on. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson just apologized to Parliament after a damning independent report was released this morning which condemns quote failures of leadership and judgment by Johnson's office over those parties at 10 Downey Street held during COVID lockdowns. The government being scolded like children.

The report says they were serious failures to observe the high standards. It says that excessive alcohol shouldn't be drunk at the workplace. It repeatedly describes the culture of drinking and parting. Boris Johnson was back in Parliament to try to justify the unjustifiable. Mr Speaker, I get it and I will fix it. And I want to say, and I want to say to the people of this country, I know what the issue is. Yes, yes, yes, it's whether this government can be trusted to deliver. And I say, Mr. Speaker, yes, we can be trusted. Yes, we can be trusted to deliver.

I love how he's like, I identify the problem. I know what the, yeah, you made the problem. Of course you know what the problem is. But, guys, I've solved it. Because I did it. But yes, according to this investigation, Boris Johnson's office had a culture of drinking and partying throughout the pandemic. And I'll be honest, I'd be more convinced that Boris could fix it if he didn't always look like an upside-down guy doing a kegstand. I've got to say my favorite part about this whole scandal is actually how high school it is to get courts having a party. I mean think about that's the level of scandal. Other world leaders are staging coups and invading other countries. Meanwhile Boris is filling vodka bottles up with

water like hurry, hurry, the Queen will be home soon. We're two weeks away from the Super Bowl. The one day a year where men can express their emotions openly. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to th. to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, thi, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. I thi. I thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thii. I thi. I thi. I the one day a year where men can express their emotions openly. And one familiar face who won't be there this year is Tom Brady. Quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and dude with almost as many rings as Shang Chi. Brady has appeared in every Super Bowl dating back to 1902. I don't know if that status right. Might be 1920.

But if it feels weird watching it without him this year, you better get used to it, because he's never gonna be in it ever again. Breaking news this hour, seven-time Super Bowl champion, Tom Brady is retiring from football. He removed all doubt the 44-year-old quarterback played 22 NFL scenes, including 20 seasons with the New England Patriots. He won seven Super Bowls. I want to read from his statement here. This is difficult for me to write, but here it goes.

I have loved my NFL career, and now it is time to focus my time and energy on other things that require my attention. Other things that require my attention. Other things that require my attention? It's a weird reason to retire. It sounds like he's got like household chores. I've loved playing in the NFL, but I've got 20 years of laundry piling up, so it's time to call it quits, guys.

But look, whether you loved him or hated him, you have to admire Tom Brady's journey. I mean, when this started his career he was picked almost dead lost in the draft and yet he ended up dominating the game for 20 years which is an important lesson for all the little kids out there who might be coming in lost and that lesson is this probably won't happen to you. See this was only gonna happen one time and Tom Brady took it. I'm sorry. So if you keep coming in dead lost, you probably want to quit and do something else. You got this.

Now if we're being honest, this retirement isn't a surprise to anyone, right? What is surprising is that at 44 years old, this dude was still dominating the NFL. Think about it, the NFL, thlapl, thl, thl, thifel, thifel, thifels, thifels, thii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thirty thirty, thirty, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, thi, about it, the NFL, when people car accident each other for a living and this guy was doing that in his 40s. Most people I know in their 40s are like, ah, ah, my back hurts. I think I slept too long. And now that he's put up his cleats, the question is, was Tom Brady the best football player of all time? Some people say yes, because he holds all the records and won the most Super Bowls. Other people say, no, because he didn't do that for my team. So it'll be a big debate for a while.

But there's no doubt that he is a legend of the game. So congrats, Tom Brady on a wonderful, wonderful career. Although sadly, it means that now, Grunk has to be put down. Let's go out behind the barn, Grunk. We're going to take you someplace special. You know what I, you know what I respect about Tom Brady for the most part, man, is that he kept his scandals on the field. You know, the Flake Gate with the ball and then whether or not it was a tuck-roo' fumble way back in the day. I honestly, I think like the maga had his locker, that was probably the biggest, oh, we

don't know about Brady. No drug, no dramed, no drama getting arrested. No, none of that did. Wife, not murdered. His wife is very unmurdered. All right but let's move on to the hottest fad on the internet right now. And no, I'm not talking about hardcore pornography. I'm talking about wordle, the online puzzle game that's turned your Twitter timeline into a lame version of Tetris. Wirtle is especially interesting because of where it came from.

You see, it was just invented by one guy in Brooklyn who just made it as a gift for his girlfriend, which is really sweet. Or a really subtle way to tell her that she doesn't know how to spell. I need you to brush up on your five-letter words. You're really embarrassing me at parties. Anyway, his vision for it to be a simple, friendly-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-fi-fi-fi-fi-fi-a-fi-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-tiontiontie-tie-tie-tie-s. thi-tieu. You thi-tie-tie-tie. You thi-tie. You thi-n. You thi-n. You thi-n. You thi-n. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You's th. You's th. It was thi-n't-n't-n't thi-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-s. I-s. I-s. I'm tmccccc. I'm tmc. I'm just just just just just just-s. I'm just just-s. I'm just just just-s. I'm just just just justi-s. I'm just just just justi-s. I need you to brush up on your five-letter words. You're really embarrassing me at parties. Anyway, his vision for Wordle was for it to be a simple friendly game, totally free, no ads, no app, and not addictive, just pure fun. And yesterday, that vision paid off when the New York Times announced that it had bought Wordel from this guy for more than a million dollars, which is great for the guy, but now everyone else is wondering, will will thiiiiiiiiiiii. to be to be to be to be to be to be that to be that to be to be that to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a too. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to to to to to which is great for the guy. But now, everyone else is wondering,

will Wordle still be free? So CNN asked that question to the New York Times. And the answer was, I don't know, you guys, you guys tell me what you think. Jonathan, I don't want to make this a hostile interview, but you need to answer the question that every wle user wants to know. Will you commit right here and now that forevermore in perpetuity, Wordle will be free to everybody?

Thank you for having me. It's great to be here. And yes, when the word, when when World comes to New York Times, it will be free to play for everyone. That doesn't answer my question. When it comes to the New York Times it will be free. How about five years from now, thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. to to to to the to the th. to to th. to th. to to th. to to to to to to be thi to th. to be to be to be to be to to to th. th. to the th. the world th. the world the world the world the world the world the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th. th. the the the the th. the th. the the th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. toe. teate. teateate. tea. tea. tea. today te. today, today, today today comes to the New York Times, it will be free. How about five years from now, ten years from now? I wish I had that kind of crystal ball, but I don't. So you won't commit that Werda will always be free, because it's free now? That's right. It is free. When it comes to the Times, it'll be free, and, um, yeah. Well, that took a weird turn. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to the Times, it'll be free, and yeah. Well, that took a weird turn. I mean, at the beginning, he was like,

you're gonna make us pay for Wordle? Then all of a sudden, he was like, are you gonna make us pay for Wordle? Answer me, bitch. Do you see how nervous the New York Times guy, because in the beginning, he was like, yeah, it's gonna be fair. And then at the end, he was like, look, man, just please, man, come on, man. But CNN, Anker has the skepticism of a guy who's been burned by a drug dealer. You know, he's like, wow, so this is totally free?

And then a week later, he's like, I see what you did. Yeah, I see what you did. man, you got me good. CNN. Yes, the channel you watch at the gym while you listen to your podcast. The network has always been famous worldwide for its 24-hour news and people shouting at each other coverage. But over the past few months, the spotlight has been turned on them, especially in the wake of Andrew Cuomo's harassment scandals, and then Chris Cuomo's secret defense of his brother's scandal. Well, today, that scandall, that, th, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that scandal, th, that scandal, that scandal, that scandal, th, th, thatl, thatl, thatl, thatl, thatl, thatl, th, th, th, thate, thate, th, th, the channel, the channel, the channel, the channel, the channel, the channel, the channel, the channel, the channel, the channel, the channel, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi thi thi thi thate thate thate thate that that that that that that that that that that that that that thate thate thate that and then Chris Cuomo's secret defense of his brother's scandal. Well today, that scandal took yet another twist.

We have news now to report involving our network. CNN President Jeff Zucker has just resigned after disclosing a consensual relationship with a colleague. He wrote to staffers a few minutes ago, quote, as part of the investigation into Chris Cuomo's tenure at CNN, Cuomo, of course, fired last month. Zucker says, I was asked about a consensual relationship with my closest colleague, someone I have worked with for more than 20 years. I acknowledged the relationship evolved in recent years. I was required to disclose it when it began, but I didn't. I was wrong. As a result, I am resigning today.

Man, this must have been a really weird day for CNN. On the one hand, it's bad that your boss is resigning under a cloud of scandal. On the other hand, you got the scoop. We begin with breaking news. Did you know that Jeff and Allison were banging? I saw them come in the office together one morning, and I totally called it. I mean, I didn't say anything, but I totally called it.

Oh, what's this? Just in, I'm also involved? But that's right, Jeff Zucker, the long-time head of CNN, is the t, but what I do know is that at CNN, it seems like there's no middle ground. When there's a scandal there, it's either someone who isn't disclosing enough

or someone who's disclosing way too much. And look, I know this story is gonna come as a surprise, to a lot of people. You know, people are gonna be like, wow, someone has been in charge of CNN this whole time? I thought it was just a bunch of roommates that found camera equipment behind a dumpster. But yes, Jeff Zucker was running CNN. And you may not know this, but he's the one who made CNN what it is today. Right? He's the one who pushed it toward entertainment more and less news.

He's the one who said, enough for those international correspond. let thenenenen, then, then, then, then, then, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thus, thus, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the, the the, the the the, the th. And, th. And, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, the, the. the. the. the the thean, thean, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the who said, enough of those international correspondents, let's just get people fighting on camera. Like, you remember when CNN would just make us watch Trump's empty podium for an hour? That was his choice. Yeah. And the reason he liked putting Trump on so much is because he liked Trump, because he knew that Trump was good for ratings, because Jeff Zucker is the one who gave Trump the job for the apprentice. And the apprentice is the only reason that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thue thue thi the only reason the only reason reason reason reason reason thr-he thr-he the only reason thr-he thr-he the is the only reason that Trump went on to become the president! That's not even the craziest part of the story. The craziest thing is that Jeff Zucker's downfall all started with Andrew Cuomo. Remember him? Yeah, Andrew Cuomo, gropeed women. Chris Cuomo, his brother, try to help him.

So then CNN looked into Chris Cuomo, they investigated him, and then they found some shit on Jeff Zucker. What? So Andrew Como was such a creep that he took down himself, his brother Chris and the president of CNN. He's like Ronan Faro, but by accident. I mean, at this point, who knows how long Cuomo's fallout is going to last, right? He groped a bunch of people. Now everyone is feeling it. You know, he's like a human Chernobyl. 80 years from now, Brazilians are gonna be at war with Australians like, that's all the cause of Andrew Cuomo. All right, but let's move on. From someone who's losing his job to someone else who's in hot water at work. Whoopi Goldberg, co-host of the view, and the only coach to lead the nix next next next next next next In case you missed it, the five women on the View were having a discussion about Mouse.

You remember the graphic novel about the Holocaust? And by the time the discussion was all over, the panel was down to four. This morning, more fallout for Whoopi Goldberg from the view for two weeks after she made controversial comments about Jewish people and the Holocaust on Monday's episode. The Holocaust isn't about race. It's not about race. What is it about? Because it's about man's inhumanity to man.

But it's about white suprimacy. Goldberg apologizing live on the program Tuesday. Yesterday on our show, I misspoke. I regret my comments as I said and I stand corrected. The segment also included an interview with Anti-Defamation League CEO Jonathan Greenblatt who later commented on Goldberg's suspension. We shouldn't cancel Wuppie because she made a mistake. I heard Woopi say that she's committed to doing better.

I accept that apology. ABC releasing a statement acknowledging that Whoopi has apologized, but asking her to take time to reflect and learn about the impact of her comments. Yep. Whoopi Goldberg is in a whole lot of trouble. And I understand why. I understand why people were upset with what she said, because the way she said it, it made it sound like the Holocaust was just some white people

who were fighting some other white people, you know, sort of like Game of Thrones. But as the spokesman for the Anti-Defamation League later explained to her, Hitler did see Jews as a separate race. And even worse, as a separate species. You know, like when you think about it properly, protecting the master race, that was the Nazi's whole thing, you know, race purity. Like all these ticky torch bitches that you see running around now, Hitler was the

OG of that. You know, in his mind, everyone was supposed to have blonde hair and blue eyes, except for him. He got to look like an angry broom for some reason, but that's not the point. You know, so I totally understand why people were upset. Because the Holocaust had everything to do with race. And I'm glad that Wopi apologized because, like, I don't think that she was trying to hurt anybody here, you know? I think she think she think she think she thi she thi thi she was trying to hurt anybody here, you know, I think she made a mistake. And I will say, I think it's a little weird that her network suspended her for sharing her view on the view. I mean, if she's remorseful, why send her away?

Isn't it better to keep her and then use this as a teaching moment? Then you can have everyone watching, also learning, like, oh, I actually didn't know that about the Holocaust. Maybe they didn't. Rather than sending her away for two weeks to do what? Reflect and what, and what, do you all know, and what, do you know, and what, the Jews have space lasers? I mean, they're they-I thah. thah. thah. th. th. th. th. th. That's th. th. thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, like, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I, I's, I's, I's, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, to. to. to. to. to. to. th. to. to. to. to. th. th. to. th. to. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. they'll come back in two weeks like, did you all know that the Jews have space lasers? He'd be like, ah, damn it, you on YouTube.

Oh, man. Russia, the former and maybe future Soviet Union. Over the past few months, Russia has sent over 100,000 troops to its border with Ukraine, which understandably has a lot of people freaked out. Ukraine has been preparing for war. America and the United Nations have been threatening devastating sanctions on Russia, and today President Biden sent thousands of troops to Poland and Romania, just in case Russia decides to add some more countries to its shopping list.

But the big question is, why? Why is Russia bringing Europe to the brink of war? Well, yesterday, we finally heard from Russian president and leader who ends every sentence with or else, Vladimir Putin. And he says that none of this is his fault. Russian President, Vladimir Putin's first comments on Ukraine since December after his meeting in Moscow with the leader of Hungary. Putin claimed that the West has ignored Russia's top demands, including blocking Ukraine from joining NATO. In his first public comments on this crisis in weeks, President Vladimir Putin accused the US of

trying to contain Russia. Ukraine is just a trying to contain Russia. Ukraine is just a tool, he said. Despite more than 100,000 Russian troops now massed on Ukraine's border, Russia still claims it's the real victim, threatened by the US and its NATO allies. And Moscow insists it has no plans to invade Ukraine. Yeah, Putin says that Russia has no plans to invade Ukraine. So I guess those 100,000 troops on the border, they're just doing that thing where you stand outside a restaurant and read the menu.

No, no, we're not going in right now. Maybe we come back for special occasion. And look, I know it's hard to feel sorry for anybody with a Russian accent, but I do actually understand why Russia is so freaked out by NATO. Because here's the thing. Don't forget that NATO was formed to oppose the Soviet Union, right? That's why I was formed. Then the Soviet Union broke up. But instead of disbanding, NATO has been expanding closer and closer to Russia's borders.

So from a Russian point of view, just a Russian point of view, it's almost like they lost a boxing match, but then the guy who beat them moved in next door. The fight is over. What are you doing here? I don't know, man. You tell me. So, there's a lot of complex issues at play right here. Which is why the UN held an emergency session this week to to to toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe... solution to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to to to to to to to I play right here, which is why the UN held an emergency session this week to try and find a peaceful solution to avert war. And I don't know if you know this, but we at the Daily Show, we have an exclusive look at what goes down in the UN, which means it's time for another

installment of Inside the UN. All right, all right, all right, everybody. I hereby call this session of the UN into a session. Uh, one second, guys, please, one second. Hello, yes, Comcast. Yes, I need to set up new service, please, in Ukraine. In one week, we can say. No, no, I don't need sports packages. Oh, you think this is funny?

There's nothing funny about inviting other countries, okay? You can't do that. It's called consent, Harvey Weinstein. Hey, come on. Isn't it annoying to remember the names of all these small, nothing countries, huh? Ukraine, Latvia, Poland, yada, yada. Who can keep track? If they were all Russia, it would be so much simpler for everybody.

I mean, yes, would. Let's be clear. If you invade Ukraine, there will be consequences. Isn't that right, guys? Yes! Yeah! Uh, yeah? See? A united front. Well, let us be clear. If you retaliate against Russia, we will have no choice but to release this devastating meme. One click, and it goes out on Facebook. Now don't

you dare Russia. Excuse me, excuse me everybody. Can I just say something? You go ahead South Africa. Are you really going to keep me wearing this? I mean think about it you you guys have more omicron than we do now. Yep. Yeah, sorry, just a few more weeks. We don't trust that African COVID. Gentlemen, please, we need to focus. The future of Ukraine is at stake. No, excuse me, the future of Russia is at stake. Neto practically surrounds Russia now.

What choice do we have, huh? Russia is 5,000 mile country. We need room to stretch legs. Well, I'm sorry. But you don't get to tell NATO who we can and can't have as a member. If we want to let Ukraine in, well that's up to us. Yes, that's right. By the way, America, are you going to let us into NATO, though? We've been asking for a while. Well, look, I don't know, th th the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. We need tho tho tho the the the the thi. We need thi. We thi. We thi. We the th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. We thi. We thi. We to to to toe. We'll toe. We'll toe. We need toe. We'll toe. We'll toe. toe. We'll the. We'll the us into NATO though we've been asking for a while well look I don't know maybe see the thing is once we let you win well you won't have to beg us anymore and we kind of like that so it is like sexual thing well yeah I guess kind of

hey this is all nonsense. Ukraine is Russia's neighbor. How would you like it America if we made military alliance with Canada? Hey, Canada is our bitch. Okay? You stay the hell away. Actually, Canada is its own sovereign independent. Shut up, Canada. So sorry. We'll talk about this outburst later.

As for you, Russia, you better think real carefully about your next mood. Look, we would still prefer to solve Ukraine issue peacefully. And as talking of goodwill, we have the big for you, American specialty, apple pie. See that? Oh, so delicious. Please, try piece.

Let's say what we... Why I never seen an apple pie like this with all the syringes sticking out of it, but I am hungry. No, no, America! Wait! Actually, it's nothing. Enjoy your pie. Nothing like a bit of apple pie. This week brought a whole new scandal for the NFL. When former Miami Dolphins coach Brian Flores filed a lawsuit accusing the league of racial discrimination

against black coaches. Flores claims that teams are interviewing black coaches with no intention of actually hiring them. He says he had an interview with the Broncos where the executives showed up an hour late and clearly hung over and he had an interview with the giants that he knew was bullshit because the team had already decided to hire a different white coach. And the way he found out that they had already hired somebody is pretty wild.

Flora says he found out from Patriots coach Bill Belichick that the Giants had hired a head coach three days before he was scheduled to have an interview with the team. The complaint states on January 24th, Belichek wrote, sounds like you have landed. told you have landed. Flores responded, to, the. th, to, to, to, the. to, to, to, the the to, the to, the th. th. to, to, th. th. th. thia, thioloren, th. th. th. th. toeck, thioln, toeck, thiolicheck, toa, toa, toa, thioliche, thiolk, thiolk, th, th, th, th, toea, toea, toea, toea, toea, toea, toea, toeck, toeck. I. I. I. I. I. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. thia. toea. toooooo. too. too. too. too.auu.au.au. toau. ick texted back Giants. Flores later texts Belichick to ask if he's texting the right coach before Belichecke fesses up that he has the wrong man. Sorry I expletive this up. I double checked and I misread the text. I think they're naming Dable. I'm sorry about that. B beat. Ugh. This is so embarrassing.

Why do old people sign their texts? Like, do they do that for everything? I'm so horny right now. Yours truly, Henry. I want you to go to town on my ass. Affectionately, yours, Linda. Squirt Emogy. Squirt Emogy.

tho, but for real th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, irt Emogy, best wishes, Henry. No, but for real though, this was a screw-up by Benachick and he's a coach so he can't even blame CTE. Because this is how Flores found out that he already lost the job that he was about to interview for, about to. And you may be wondering, why would an NFL team grant an interview to a black coach if they have no intention of hiring them? Well, for a long time, blackhead coaches in the NFL were just not a thing. In fact, between 1926 and 1989, there were zero black coaches. Nada.

Yeah, during that 60-year period, it was easier to find a black person in space than coaching in the NFL. And finally, in 2002, Johnny Cochran, yes, the OJ guy, I guess he was rarely into football, he threatened to sue the league if it didn't get its act together. And so the NFL created something called the Rooney Rule, which said that at any time that there's an opening for a new coach, at least one minority candidate has to be interviewed for the job, which is cool. But now Brian Flores is saying that these interviews he's getting, they aren't real. These teams are just going through the motions to satisfy the Rooney Rule.

Think of it this way. It's almost like when your mom emails you that her friend from church, her son is moving to your city, and she wants you to be friends with him. And then, yeah, you go get get get get get get get get get get a get a get a to get a to get a to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer to get a beer a beer to get a beer to get a beer to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tooom., the tooom. to make your mom happy but you know for a fact you're never gonna hire him as your friend and honestly if you're gonna make someone come to a bullshit interview the least you can do is let them know ahead of time let them know this is a bullshit interview because that way they can have some fun with it you know think how dope it would be to get

to an interview knowing you're not gonna get the job, then you can give bullshit interviews. So what would you say is your biggest weakness? I'm deathly afraid of footballs, and I also don't know what a footballs is. Now, look, we don't know for certain why Brian Flores didn't get these jobs, but it's clear that the Rooney Rule despite its good intentions has done nothing to solve the NFL coaching problem. The facts are clear that black coaches takers their their their their their their their their their their their to their their their their to their their their to their to thals thals thals thoes thoes thoes the not awarded the same opportunities as their white counterparts.

Black coaches take longer to get hired, they get fired faster. A study found that coaches of color averaged shorter ten years than white coaches and were less likely to land another head coaching job after being fired. There was an academic study that came out across three decades over 1,000 coaches. Finding that black coaches were 114% less likely to be promoted to coordinated positions. Despite the success of coaches such as Tomlin and Tony Dunge, who both won Super Bowls.

When it comes to head coaches, the league is nearly as white now as it was in 1989. In 2003, when the Rooney rule wasitated, there were three African-American coaches in the National Football League. We are 19 years removed from the institution and implementation of the Rooney Rule, and there is now one head coach. Yeah, that's right. Out of 32 teams in the NFL, there's still only one black coach, which is fewer than the number of black coaches when the Rooney Rule started. So the Rooney Rule is basically as useless as the five-second rule. Yeah, bitch, you dropped your food on the floor. If you put it on your mouth, that's

nasty, okay? It's not like bacteria slow to figure it out. Is that food? that's food? And it turns out not only our black coach is still not getting enough opportunities, but when they do get the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job the job their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to their their to to toogeau cogeaucocogeauc. to be to be their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their.. their their. their their. their their their. their their their theck. theck. theck. theck. theck. theck. thean. thean. thean. tooooooooooooooooom. too, they have a much shorter leash than white coaches. Yeah, even if they win, there's still a good chance that they're going to get fired. Now, is the NFL doing this on purpose to black coaches? Nobody knows. I mean, maybe. Or maybe it's an unconscious bias. And that's what makes racism so hard to you, you knew. All right, because they'd be up front. They'd just be like, oh, you?

You want the head coaching job? Ha ha ha. You were a run funny negro. I didn't even know negroes are smart enough to make jokes. Did you know that, Steve? But that's why proving racism for black people in 2022 can be so frustrating. Sometimes it feels like, you know, you're the only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the're the only person in a horror movie who actually knows what's going on. You gotta believe me, man, there's a serial killer in this camp. Don't be ridiculous. All these sexy teens are probably stabbing themselves to death. Come on. But no matter why it's happening, it's clear that black coaches aren't getting the same

opportunities in the NFL as their white counterparts, which is a pretty demoralizing situation for black coaches to be in. NFL owners have stuck to an old game plan when it comes to hiring head coaches. And that, in turn, has sent morale among black coaches plummeting to a new low. It's now so bad. Football agent Brian Levy convened a Zoom meeting for many of the black coaches he represents to talk about the Rooney Rule, part workshop, part therapy session. You see guys that are not as qualified, that jump ahead of you, guys that you have trained

and that were under you for years that jump. And now, so what is the criteria? You know, the resume doesn't matter anymore. He's not getting interviewed because he's the qualified coach, he's getting interviewed because they have to hit that quota. You see the black name like, oh he's the runy. That's why he's interviewed. He's the runy. Man, you see this shit? The situation is so bad for black coaches that they are voluntarily having Zoom meetings. Do you know how truly unfair something has to be for football coaches to talk about their feelings. Think about it, even when they win the Super Bowl, they'll be up on the podium that night like, you play well today, then give the boys 20 minutes off tomorrow and then it's back

to the wake room. This is the most exciting day of my life. Well, for more on this issue, let right now and this story is truly a bombshell story. It is shocking, Trevor. Shocking. I can't believe that racism still exists in the NFL. I mean, they had in racism on their helmet. You're telling me that didn't do anything? You know, Roy, I'm as shocked as you are. But let me ask you, what do you think of the Rooney Rule? Because this lawsuit seems to prove that it hasn't worked. The problem with the Rooney Rule is that it underestimates racial bias. The Rooney Rule says, you don't like black people, well hang out with one and see what happens.

But nothing happened. So now it's even worse and you're still hiring the white coach and wasting the black man's time. Right, right. So then let me... Not to mention that this rule messes with the black man's self-esteem. He's going on all these interviews and doesn't get the job. He's obviously gonna wonder, well is it me? You get low self-esteem. That shit starts affecting your whole life. You start having problems with intimacy, your girl tasks thu. thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the their thi, the the the thi, not to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention to mention the the the to mention the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, not thi, thi, thi, the thi, the the the the the the the the the the theat theat thi thi to mention thi, not to mention But you're too manly to admit that when you get older, things don't work as good. You know what I'm talking about, Trevor. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You've been through this shit.

You start growing apart. She leaves you. Next thing you know, she's dating a You're just watching it and eating cheese. I uh, I think that went a bit off track, but I get what you're saying, Roy, you think the Rooney Rule should be abolished. No, I didn't say that. We just got to replace the Rune rule with the Roywood Junior rule. I'm sorry, what is that? Oh, dog, it's simple. If a team is going to hire a white guy, but they have to interview a black guy, then they should just have to fly me out. But then doesn't that waste your time? Nah, man, I ain't got nothing going on except for this stupid-ass job.

And I get to have a fun that one of the first available jobs is gonna be in Minnesota, so you want to fly there? You want to send a black man to Minnesota. In February, what part of in racism do you not understand, Trevor? My skin wasn't made for them type of temperatures Let them white coaches have Minnesota. They can have that okay I thought you wanted the job all right I guess we'll have to figure something else out before we go Please consider supporting the Loveland foundation. They're an organization Dedicated to providing therapy services to underserved communities especially, especially black women and girls so if you want to support them in this work, then. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the the th. the the the th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. tho, tho, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I, I th. I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the, I the, the, the, the, to. toge. toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, the. the. I'll the, I'll this work, then please donate at the link below. Watch the Daily Show, weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

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