The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories - Trump Trashes Dr. Fauci, Obama Roasts Trump & the Last Trump-Biden Debate

Episode Date: October 25, 2020

President Trump lashes out at Dr. Anthony Fauci, Barack Obama skewers Trump at a Biden rally, Pope Francis embraces marriage equality, and Trevor covers the final Trump-Biden debate. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News.

Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17th. Early voting, it's for maverick voters who've already decided who they want as president, which is insane! There's still two weeks, people. What if Trump becomes presidential? I still think he has a shot. Now, as you know, election day is just two weeks from today. But with early voting in most of the country, election day is really just the last possible day to vote.

You know, election day is basically Halloween, and then early voting is CVS. You can just go in there and get the candy at any time without having to trick or treat anybody. The point is, early voting is already underway. And so far, it's more popular than Q-N-on at your aunt's house. We are just two weeks away from the election and nearly 30 million Americans have already voted. More than five times the number at this point, four years ago. Long lines and long waits seen in the key battleground state of Florida.

Some of those lines started at dawn. Ninety-four-year-old Mildred Madison, born whenidge was president, had her son drive her more than 600 miles from Illinois back home to Michigan so that she could vote after she never got her absentee ballot. Women got the last, especially black women, were the last ones that got the power to vote. It was wonderful to see a black woman running for vice president. Wow! 94 years old.

And she drove 600 miles to vote. That is so impressive. I mean, imagine driving 600 miles. I bet the poll workers were so moved by that story before they turned her away for not having the right ID. For real, though, there should be a special prize for anyone who that thrown thrives thrives thrives thrives that to that to to thrives that tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho their tho their tho tho tho tho their the poll workers were so moved by that story before they turned her away for not having the right ID. For real, though, there should be a special prize for anyone who travels that far to vote. Like forget the sticker. That's some bullshit.

I want platinum I voted rims. And I'll be honest, I get why Ms. Madison is taking this so seriously. Black women absolutely cannot mess around with their votes. Statistically, they bear the brunt of any policy failure, whether there's housing, health care, education, anything. So they make sure to vote. I'll tell you now, if this entire country was only 94-year-old black women, voter turnout would be 100%. I mean, on the other hand, nobody would know who Timothy Shalamey is, so it's a mixed blessing. But yes, early voting records are being crushed all thethe country. And honestly, I get it. This is 2020. You've got to vote now because there's no guarantee that we'll even have a November. And as it stands now, Biden goes into the final weeks with a large lead.

But 2016 told us that large leads don't mean shit. Plus, there's still a debate this Thursday. And who knows what could happen. I mean, Trump could announce that he's pregnant, and you wouldn't fire an expecting parent, would you? You wouldn't put me out like that America, would you? Me and my baby. Although what's not going to help Trump at the debates is that the debate commission

has announced that they're going to be muting the microphone to give the other person a chance to talk, which I think is actually a good idea. I mean, as long as Jeffrey Tubin isn't in charge of the mute button, I'm so sorry, guys, I left it on the whole time, and my dick is also out again. I'm so sorry. But guys, Trump doesn't care if you mute his microphone microphone. He's just going to shout. Or even worse, he'll just walk it too just to mark his territory. That's mine. But clearly Trump needs to enjoy his open mic time while he can. And that's why he's holding large rallies every day to help spread his message and or coronavirus,

which, by the way, is soaring across the country. Corona hospitalizations are now rising in 39 states. But even though America isn't over the coronavirus, Trump has decided that America is tototototototototototototototototototototototototototot- to to to to to to to to to to th. th. thii thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi the thi. He's the the the the the the the the thi. Hea thi. He is the the the the th. He the th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's ty ty ty ty ty ty ty thi thi thi thi thi thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's though America isn't over the coronavirus, Trump has decided that America is totally over the coronavirus. As the country faces a third coronavirus wave, President Trump on the campaign trail, saying voters are tired of hearing about the pandemic. People are pandemiced out. You know that? They're getting tired of the pandemic, aren't they? You turn on CNN, that's all they cover. th... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi of the pandemic, aren't they? Getting tired of the pandemic.

You turn on CNN, that's all they cover. COVID, COVID, pandemic, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID, you know why they're trying to talk everybody out of voting? People aren't buying it, you dumb bastards. Yeah, CNN, you dumb bastards. Yeah, CNN, you're spending all day reporting on the story that's dominating everyone's lives? Why don't you focus on some more important stories? Like what child stars look like now?

Do you know that the little boy from ET looks like himself but much older? Why isn't that in the news, you dumb bastards? Now, to be fair, Trump is not wrong about people being tired of dealing with this pandemic. But what he doesn't seem to realize is the thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to the to to the to their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, you, you, thi, thi, you, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thr. thr-n. thrown, toe, toe. toe toe toe toe toe toe tooooooomomorrow, toe. thr. thr. thr. thi. the being tired of dealing with this pandemic. But what he doesn't seem to realize is that unlike the rest of us, he can actually do something about this. Instead, he's acting like he's as helpless as everyone else is. Guys, am I the only one here who's totally sick of coronavirus? Why doesn't someone come up with a plan? Now, persuading people that coronavirus is over isn't the world's easiest cell? We can see th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu-I thu-a thu. thu-a thu-a thu-a thu-I thu-a that coronavirus is over isn't the world's easiest cell. I mean, we can see the world around us.

But Trump thinks that he's figured out the problem. It's not that a quarter million Americans have died. It's that too many people are listening to that bastard Anthony Fauci. With polls showing a majority of Americans unhappy with his handling of the virus, President Trump now laser focused on a new target, the nation's leading infectious disease expert. I don't want to hurt him. He's been there for about 350 years. The president began his day of attacks on Fauci

on a call with campaign staffers. People are tired of hearing Fauci and all these idiots. Fouchi's a disaster. If I listen to him, we have 500,000 deaths. The president later on the trail in Arizona, tying Fauci to Biden. And you know, Biden wants to lock it down. He wants to listen to Dr. Fauci. He wants to listen to Dr. Fauci. And he is a wonderful guy.

He just happens to have a very bad arm. Yeah, you know what, guys, I can't argue with Trump's logic on this one. You just can't trust a scientist who can't throw a fastball. I mean, like, why didn't he practice? What else is he doing with his day? And honestly, it's kind of weird for Trump, of all people, to make fun of someone's bad arm? Lift a glass of water using one to make fun of someone's bad arm. Lift a glass of water using one hand, and then we'll talk. Seriously, the scientists you want are the ones who are too busy in the lab

to ever learn any sports. That's why if I was hiring a scientist, my first test will be to throw a ball at them. If they catch it, they're fired. I'm willing to bet that Trump wishes he had that Chinese tax money back in his pocket. Because with less than two weeks to go before the election, his campaign is almost broke. I know, which is really surprising for a Trump enterprise. Meanwhile, Joe Biden has been setting fundraising records every month, and some of that money is coming from a whole new type of fundraiser. The cast of Vip is reuniting to put Joe Biden in the White House. Fonzie, Ritchie, Potsy and other members of the Happy Day's cast are reuniting for one night only.

The virtual event is a fundraiser supporting the Democratic Party of Wisconsin. It's an Avengers reunion today for Biden and Harris. An all-star cast is hoping people cast their ballots for Joe-by-by-by-by-by-by-by-by-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-a-in. to-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y. to to to to to to to to to to-n. to-n. to-n. to-n. to-n. to-n. to-n. to-n. to-n. to-n. to-nc. th. to-nco-nco-no-no-no-no'-no-no'-ee. to-ncunioviauuuiii-e. to-y-y-y-y-yay for Biden and Harris. An all-star cast is hoping people cast their ballots for Joe Biden. The entire leading original cast of Hamilton performed the song The Room Where It Happens. As part of a virtual fundraiser for the presidential nominee. Past members of the hit comedy signfeld will reunite for a virtual fundraiser for the Texas Democratic Party. The event named a fundraiser about something will take place on Friday at 8 p.m. Yes, the cost of Hamilton, Vip, and even Seinfeld are getting back together to raise money for the Democrats.

And not only that, but Emily and Paris promised that if they get enough donations, they won't make another season. And personally, I hope it doesn't stop with these Zoom reunions. I mean, if Biden can get the cost of Seinfeld to make another season, yo best believe he'll win the election by like 40 points. Because come on, how bad do you want to see a Seinfeldt set in pandemic New York? George would claim he has COVID just to get out of work. Kramer would be selling bootleg hand sanitizer he made in his bathtub. Elaine would be dating a pharmacist to get the vaccine quicker.

And then Jerry would probably break up with a beautiful woman just because she wears her mask slightly below her nose. She's leaving her nose uncovered. She's a nose noticed. But I do feel bad for Donald Trump. The guys had a huge disadvantage when it comes to big reunions because no one in Hollywood likes him. Although luckily for him, there is one blockbuster reunion coming up to show support. Coming this Friday, a reunion to support the Trump campaign, featuring all the villains from Star Wars. For a donation of just $50,000 or dirt on Joe Biden,

you can watch a table read featuring all your favorite bad guys. Darth Vader. Trump is the only candidate of law and order. Emperor Palpatine. Jabba the Hut. You're back. Corrado camawapa. That robot guy with the arms.

And Jarjar Biggs. Misa off the Democrat plantation. And for another 50 grand, stick around and hear the villains reveal behind the scenes moments. I could have stopped Luke from kissing Leah. I just didn't want to. A one-time event live streamed from Don Jr.'s Instagram account. Do your part to make the Galaxy great again. Let the hate flow through you. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it.

This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. The Pope, God's emergency contact. For centuries, the Catholic Church has stood firm against the idea of gay couples.

But now, Pope Francis has decided to handle this issue with will and grace. We have some breaking news now just in on a major new shift from Pope Francis. Just in the last little bit here for the first time, he is now endorsing same-sex civil unions. This happened during a documentary that premiered today during Rome's film festival according to the Catholic News Agency. It's reporting he talked about same-sex couple's rights to be a family and said they are children of God. Pope Francis! The greatest pope of all time! Well second best technically

because it's Olivia Pope number one and then Francis. But it's close. the Pope the Pope the Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the film film film film film f Pope Foom f Pope F Pope Foom f Pope Foom fop fop fop fop f-Foom. Pope F. Pope Foom-Foom-Foom-Foom-Foom-Foom-Foom. Pope is the greatest the greatest the greatest the great the great the great the great the the the the the the the the Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope is is is is the Pope is the Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. Pope F. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the it's Olivia Pope, number one, and then Francis. But it's close. It's close. Once again, the Pope coming up and going up against the establishment, taking a progressive stance for the church. I love this guy. And I think I know what happened here. Just like the rest of us, the Pope has been quarantined at home, binging every season of queer eye. Did you see what Jonathan did with that guy's hair? Oh, now that's a miracle.

Now obviously, there are some people who are not happy with the Pope's announcement because they insist that gay unions undermine the sanctity of marriage. But guys, let's be real. Every marriage undermines the sanctity of marriage. Half of all marriage is ending divorce. The president has had, what, three wives? Your dad is probably having an affair right now. I mean, this has never been about sanctity.

It's been about homophobia. You know what I really think is happening here? The real reason straight people don't want gay people to get married, is because they just don't want gay people to have it all. Yeah, th th th th think think think think think th have it all. Yeah, think about it. Gay people have the best style, the best parties, the best parades, easily the best flag. Their flag looks like their parents bought them the jumble crayon pack with all the colors. And then on top of that, they want marriage?

Straight people are like, no. I know marriage is shit, but I want to have one thing that you guys don't have. I envy you. I want to wear those shorts. I can't fit into that. I don't have the butt. And finally, the presidential race. Yes, even the presidential race has a ray of sunshine. Because yesterday, an old friend returned to the campaign trail for the first time. And man, he seemed to be really enjoying himself. Honk if you're ready to be really enjoying himself. Honk if you're fired up.

Honk if you're ready to go. You know, I know the president spent some time in Erie last night and apparently he complained about having to travel here. And then he cut the event short, poor guy. Where is this great plan to replace Obamacare? They keep on promising, we're gonna have a great replacement. They said, it's coming. It's been coming in two weeks for the last 10 years.

That's not normal presidential behavior. We wouldn't tolerate it in our own family, except for maybe crazy uncles somewhere, you know. Of the taxes Donald Trump pays, he may be sending more to foreign governments than he pays in the United? th........ It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it's, it's, it's, it. It's, it. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, it. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's th. It's th. It's thi. It's coming. It's coming. It's coming. It's coming th th thi. It's coming th thi. It's coming thi. It's coming the thi. It's coming. It's coming. It's coming. It's the the of the taxes Donald Trump pays, he may be sending more to foreign governments than he pays in the United States. Can you imagine if I had a secret Chinese bank account? When I was running for re-election, they would have called me Beijing Barry. Man, it is so nice to see Obama back on the campaign trail.

Although the drive-in rally is a little bit weird, I will say, I mean, with all the honking, it sounds like Obama just started giving a speech in the middle of the road. Sick burn, Mr. President, but I'm late for work! And you could tell Obama was having a great time up there, man. He was grilling Trump so hard. to the cops. Is it just me though, or do all of Obama's roasts on Trump have just like a tiny hint of jealousy in them? So you got this guy who doesn't pay taxes?

He says whatever he wants. Nobody does anything, just running around crazy. I know you could do that. Sounds kind of fun. Joe Biden and Donald Trump debated for the final time. And I'm not saying that this was the most sophisticated debates in history, but one thing everyone agreed upon is that compared to the last time, at least this was a more presidential debate than a W.W.E. match.

This was a decidedly different debate, much calmer, far fewer interruptions. The debate last night, calmer tone than the first one. This was a far more civil affair than their disastrous first debate. It was a far less contentious affair than that first debate. We went from Cleveland chaos to Nashville, nice. That's right. This debate actually felt like a debate. And who knows why it was so much better.

I mean, maybe it was because the candidates their microphones could be muted, or maybe because Trump was better behaved so he could appeal to undecided voters. Or maybe it was just the pre-debate smoke sesh. You never know. People were more chilled. Whatever the case, with fewer distractions than last time, the candidates could actually give us their visions for America. On health care, Joe Biden wants to expand Obamacare, while Donald Trump will have his plan in the next two weeks, which is what he's been saying for the last five years. On fracking, Trump wants to keep it, while Joe Biden wants to keep it and get rid of it. On coronavirus, Biden thinks we have a tough road ahead, while

Trump wants to reopen the White House jacuzzi. And on crime, Joe Biden's priority is to get drug offenders out of prison, while Donald Trump's priority is to keep himself out of prison. Now, to be clear, just because Donald Trump was less shouty, that doesn't mean that he wasn't still Donald Trump. I mean, you can put a silence on a gun but it's. to be. to be. to be. to be. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. th. th. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the true, true, the the true, the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, thu, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true wasn't still Donald Trump. I mean, you can put a silence on a gun, but it's still going to hurt. For instance, one of the most contentious topics last night was immigration. There was a big story this week that of those 5,500 migrant children who were separated from their families at the border, 545 still have not been returned because the government has lost track of their parents. And while Joe Biden was outraged by this news, Trump managed to look on the bright side.

Let's talk about what we're talking about. What happened? Parents were ripped, their kids were ripped from their arms and separated. And now they cannot find over 500 of sets of those parents, and those kids are alone. No where to go. Nowhere to go. It's criminal. It's criminal.

Let me ask you about it. They went down, we brought reporters, everything. They are so well taken care of. They're in facilities that were so clean. Damn, are you kidding me? Did this moth-fixiiii give a Yelp review for his child prison camps? I will say this. You can see why Donald Trump is a salesman, because this guy can spin anything that he did wrong into something positive. Donald, did you just take a dump on my rug? What I actually did was give you a really valuable conversation starter. If you want, I'll autograph it for you.

What's crazy to me is how screwed up Trump's priorities are. This dude has a meltdown when his tweets get hidden, but when his administration is offening kids, he's like, whoa, dude, take a chill pill. They get basic cable. Things aren't that bad. Now, Trump defended the zero-tolerance policy that led to family separations by saying that under Biden and Obama, migrants were just set loose. And when Biden tried to argue that most immigrants who were released still showed up for their mandated court dates, Donald Trump was pretty skeptical about that claim. If in fact you had a family came across and they were arrested, they in fact were given a date to show up for their hearing. They were released.

And guess what? They showed up for a hearing. When you say they come back? When you say they come back, they don't come back. They never come back. They never come back. to the really, I hate to say this, but those with the lowest IQ, they might come back. Okay, President Trump, let's give... And folks, if I know anything, it's people with low IQs.

I see one every morning when I'm brushing my teeth. He does the same thing as me. I'm brushing. He's brushing. Why is he brushing at the same time? I tell him to stop. He says, uh, how is he in my house? Just to be clear, what Trump is saying is that he knows immigrants are supposed to come back for hearings, but that only the stupidest people actually do it.

And aside from the fact that he's totally wrong, it's amazing how Donald Trump always thinks that following the law is only for stupid people. You know, sometimes Trump seems less like a president and more like a kid playing grand theft auto. Because that's the one place where if you're following the rules, then you're definitely not doing it right. Dude, why are you stopping at the traffic light? You're supposed to mow over the pedestrians. That's the point of the game. Not to mention, this is setting such a bad example for immigrants.

Like, if I was an immigrant with an upcoming court date in America, now I'd be like, well, now I can't show up. The president won't think I'm an idiot. But the final big topic at last night's debate was racial equality and the Black Lives Matter movement. And once again, Trump was certain this was his time to shine. Nobody has done more for the black community than Donald Trump. And if you look, with the exception of Abraham Lincoln, possible exception, but the exception of Abraham Lincoln, nobody has done what I've done. I think I have great relationships with all people.

I am the least racist person in this room. I am the least racist person. I can't even see the audience because it's so dark, but I don't care who's in the audience. I'm the least racist person in this room. Man, sometimes you gotta love Trump. He just threw the entire audience under the bus to make himself look good. You realize his own wife was in that room, but Trump is like, Melania, Melania is way more racist than me. She calls our

housekeeper, Consuela. And she says, but that's her name. And I'm like, stop making excuses, you're racist. Although, to be fair to Trump, guys, he has spent a lot of time with Stephen Miller, Steve Bannon, Jeff Sessions, and the rest of the dudes. So, I mean, usually, he probably is the least racist person in a room.

Oh, and by the way, I love how he always says that he's done the most for black people, with the possible exception of Abraham Lincoln. The possible exception. Like, yeah, Lincoln freed the slaves, but Trump gave Omarosa like three jobs. Before we go, I wanted to remind you that we are partnering up with World Central Kitchen for their new Chefs for the Poles program. What they're doing is activating local food trucks, restaurants, and caterers that are owned and operated primarily by people of color, and

they're doing this to serve food to people in voting lines, especially in underserved communities where the lines are historically longer. If you can help out in any way, then all you need to do is donate at the link below. The Daily Show with Trevnoa, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central and the Comedy Central. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more.

This has been a Comedy Central podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible.

I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts.