The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trevor Reacts to the First Biden-Trump Debate

Episode Date: September 30, 2020

Trevor tries to encapsulate the chaos of the first Biden-Trump debate and suggests necessary format changes to keep the president in check next time. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at, that's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News, listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th,

wherever you get your podcasts. From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York. This is the Daily Show with Trevor Noah. Ears Edition. Yo! What was that? What was that? What was that? What's going on, everybody?

I think I'll just jump in to give you my opinions on what happened in the first presidential debate. If you missed the debate, I'm going to give you a quick recap of what happened. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, thah. Would you like to respond to... Would you like to respond to... It was very informative. First things first. We need new debate rules, people. Chris Wallace, thank you for your service, and I hope that you have a lot of money for your therapy.

You made a valiant effort, but you were not ready for this. Because no human being could have been ready for this. They don't need a moderator for this thing. They need a UFC ref. Dana White, get on it. Trump would not shut up. Right now, he's still in his bedroom complaining about how crooked Hillary rigged the election that he won. She totally stole it, but I got it. I brought it back. I grabbed it from her. I totally Chris Wallace was this close to looking at Trump and saying, nigga you gotta shut the fuck up! That was Chris Wallace losing his mind. So look moderators, you need to figure out how to

handle Trump at a debate because this is not good for the nation. It doesn't work to just say, Mr. President, please, Mr. President, please, please. Have you ever asked a toddler, please? Please, put down the matches, please, put down. Your house will be burned down around you. That's why Melania slaps the hand. You gotta slap the hand. Can't be talking to a toddler. I'm telling you, man, they need to switch thrown the next moderator a spray bottle just to spritz them any time they interrupt. I promise you Trump will be quiet because his hair turns into a

Gremlin if it gets wet. Just spray him, pps. Well you know what even better? Give Trump $100 for every time he lets Biden finish a sentence. Yeah. I mean the money is a great incentive for him and now that we've seen the tax returns we know that he needs it. And whoever. And who th. And who th. And who th. And who th. And who th. And who the th. And who the th. And who th. And who th. And who th. th. thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. the. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. te. te. te. te. try. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. the. this format needs to be fired. Because I don't know about you at home, but I have never. And I mean never wanted to see a commercial break more badly in my life. I cannot do 90 straight minutes of this shit ever again. It was brutal. There's got to be a commercial break every five minutes. And during those commercial breaks, every ad should be for antidepressants or some drug

that has side effects that make you forget the last four years. And honestly, if you went to a commercial in the middle of this thing, I bet even the guys in the ad would be flustered. That was so thrown off by Donald Trump. They'd be like, uh, I was going know what this ad is about, that guy just kept on. And these debates need fact checkers. Why am I the only person who still says, guys, debates need fact checkers.

Because otherwise people can just stand on the stage and say whatever they want, and there are no consequences. Zero, nada, zilch. Every time a candidate says a lie. There, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. T, th. thi, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I. the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thin, th. th. th th th than. that that that that that that that the thi. the be some sort of like sign that they lied. Like maybe a brick should come down on their side of the screen, you know, like Tetris. And then as they lie, it'll just gradually build up higher and higher until it covers their face. I mean, the best part for Trump is that five minutes into the debate he'll finally have his wall.

There are so many places where there is no truth. Twitter, Facebook, partisan news networks. These debates at the very least should be a place where people can tune in and expect some kind of fact check, you know? You can't just have both candidates making things up if they're going to make things up. It's like you don't know. Is Biden telling the truth? I think so. Is Trump, that's definitely a lie? But no one's chaos.

You need an actual ref on the court, people. I mean, the one upside of this whole night is now we know what the Fight Club sequel look like in 40 years. That's the one upside, everyone's made up their mind, right? There's no such thing as an undecided voter. It's just people too embarrassed to say how they'll vote. So let's entertain America at least with two old men wrestling, and the winner gets a free hip replacement. So, I don't know, guys. Fresh after the debate, what is my takeaway?

I don't actually know. I don't know how Biden did, because Trump did more interrupting than Kanye West in a room full of Taylor Swift's. It sounded less like a debate and more like the radio was stuck catching two stations. This guy's a clown girl, please, Mr. Prattah. I can't believe that Biden even managed to keep any train of thought. That was impressive. You want the th th the th the th the th th th thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu tha thu. tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha thau. thau. thau. thau. thau. thau. tau. ta'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'-w. ta'-w any train of thought. That was impressive. You want to talk about being a copers, mentors for being president. Pay attention while Trump is trying

to interrupt you the whole time. It's like having a little devil on your shoulder but they're not trying to convince you of anything. They're just trying to mess you up. Yeah that's what 250 taking drugs, because that's the only way I was able to get through the debate. And as for Trump's performance, two things. One, now we finally know what it would be like if he read his Twitter feed out loud, and two, I can't believe how hard his brain malfunctioned when they asked him to denounce white supremacists. Will you denounce the proud boys? Well, yeah, uh, yeah, uh, the proud boy, well, stand back and stand by, boys. So after the first debate, I don't know if anybody won. All I know is, for the next debate, I'm gonna stand back from the TV and stand by a bottle of wine.

We'll see you guys tomorrow for the fallout from the first presidential debate on the daily social distancing show debate. Good night! I'm out! This shit was ridiculous. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube

for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change.

Like, none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 minutes, a second look.