The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump Axes Kristi Noem & Hegseth Strong-Arms "Too-Woke" Boy Scouts | Mychal Threets

Episode Date: March 6, 2026

Michael Kosta dives into the cracks in Trump’s cabinet: DHS Secretary Kristi Noem is fired in the wake of ICE chaos, corruption accusations, and affair rumors, RFK Jr. makes enemies out of Dunkin’ and Starbucks, and Pete Hegseth finds time amid the war in Iran to focus on a pet project: stripping Scouting America of its wokeness. Plus, Jordan Klepper sucks up to Hegseth to earn the coveted “Bros Before Hoes” badge. Grace Kuhlenschmidt visits America's first car-free neighborhood development, accompanied by controversial "freedom fighter" and conspiracy theorist Katie Hopkins, to investigate the truth about increasingly popular 15-minute cities: Are they walkable utopias, or government-controlled prisons? Librarian, literacy advocate, and new host of “Reading Rainbow” Mychal Threets sits down with Michael to spread his love for libraries and discuss his new book, “I’m So Happy You’re Here: A Celebration of Library Joy.” Threets opens up about his mental health journey and the vital role libraries played in saving his life, and how his book is meant to convey the inclusivity of libraries while also telling readers that they are not alone in their struggles. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central is America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Michael Cod. So much to talk about tonight. RFK Jr.'s coming for your Dunkinino. Pete Hagsett's coming for the Boy Scouts, and Christy Noem just got deported from her job.

What a bunch of losers. Unlike in his first term, Donald Trump's cabinet and his second term has been a model of stability. It's been an entire year, and he hasn't fired a single cabinet member. Wow. I mean, with that level of consistency, you've got to imagine that the first one to finally get canned would have to be a real embarrassment,

an absolute disappointment. Just a totally incompetent, unprofessional, dip shitty... Breaking news into CNN. Kristy Noem is out as the Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security. And now that she's gone, the Trump and... administration's going to be great. But that's right. You heard Trump, Christy, time to turn in your badge.

And your cowboy hat. And your bigger cowboy hat. And your flack jacket. And your night vision goggles. And your firefighter costume. Oh, and also your camel. What was your job again? Now, this firing comes right after she was called into Congress for hearing about her many

controversies. There was the handling of ice in Minnesota. of corruption. There's also rumors she's been having an affair with her also-married special advisor, Corey Lewandowski, on a private jet with a bedroom in the back. But I mean, I'm sure members of Congress,

they're not gonna go there. Could you explain this? Sir, I'm looking at a picture of an interior looks like a bedroom. Of an airplane? Mm-hmm. Yes, sir. God damn.

Can you imagine be confronted mad to be confronted about your affair with a picture of the actual bed that's so big the cameraman had to zoom out? But don't play, don't play coy with us, U.S. Congress. If you've got a question to ask Christy Noem, just ask it.

So, Secretary Noam, have you had sexual relations with Corey Lewandowski? Holy shit. Finally, one of these hearings is going to get interesting, you know? Normally it's just blah, blah, blah, blah. Human rights violations. Blah, blah, blah.

concentration camps, blah, blah, blah. This is probably the first time Christy Noam wanted to be like, Lo Siento. No ablo English. But hey, here's your chance to put this whole Cory Lewandowski rumor to bed, bad choice of words. Either way.

Christy, set these people straight. I am shocked that we're going down and peddling tabloid garbage in this committee today in the federal government. So reclaiming my time, Secretary, it is okay for you to be offended by the question. It is okay for you to be offended by the question. But it is also a real question.

And you should be able to answer what we do at the Department of Homeland Security. And without any hesitation. Hey, hey, hey, hey, let Christy Knoem finish. At least that's my advice to Corey Lewandowski. And by the way, I should point out that of all the words Noam said in there, none of them were an actual denial. Reminds me the move I pulled in high school.

Michael, did you poop in the urinal? To even engage in such a question in a place of education, no less. Now, apparently, it wasn't even the affair that got her canned. If anything, the sex plane probably bought her a few weeks, you know? Trump was like, she's a huge embarrassment in every way except for that flying

Fri-Palice game recognized girl. And don't worry too much about Christy. She's already got a new job that's every bit as important. The current secretary, Christy Noem, We'll be moving to be special envoy for the shield of the Americas, our new security initiative in the Western Hemisphere. Ah, yes, yes.

The special envoy for the shield of the America's Western Hemisphere Division. You know it's a promotion when the job was just invented six minutes ago using refrigerator magnets. I can't wait to see what outfit she'll wear for that. But now that no one's out at Homeland Security, who's replacing her? You know what? I don't care who it is. Just as long as it's someone with one first name. The president has named Oklahoma Senator Mark Wayne Mullen to be the next DHS secretary.

God damn it! Now, obviously, Mark Wayne Mullen can't be senator and a cabinet secretary at the same time. So the way it works is Mark will serve as Oklahoma Senator while Wayne will run DHS. Good luck to Mark Wayne and congrats to Corey Lewandowski. He now gets to bang Mark Wayne Mullen on that plane. Hey man. Hey man, I come with the plane

and so do you. This is a hot sex crowd tonight, I'll tell you that much. All right. Yeah, sex. Let's move on to Robert F. Kennedy Jr., health secretary and piece of hard jerky you found under the seat of your car. He's in charge of the whole country's health. So let's hear the important things he's checking off his to-do list. Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. wants to restrict sugary beverages from both Duncan and Starbucks.

Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks. Show us the safety data that show that it's okay for a teenage girl. I drink an iced coffee with 115 grams of sugar in it. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Now you're calling for data when it's the... the Moka Dunkicino. You want to see the research. But when it comes to vaccines, you're like, I'm not really feeling these things. But in an effort to appease RFK, Duncan has already introduced a protein forward health beverage that follows all of his Maha guidelines, introducing the beeficino.

Now that's grisly. Holy shit. Let's move on. To someone we hope is only starting their day with ice coffee, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth. Fighting an illegal war against Iran is his job, but he's still a Fox News host at heart, and that's why he's announcing a new wartime initiative. Changes are coming to scouting America, formerly known

as the Boy Scout. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has criticized the Boy Scouts calling recent changes, quote, woke culture. DEI crept in. The focus on God as the ruler of the universe was watered down to include openness to humanism and Earth-centered

pagan religions. They even welcomed the destructive myth of gender fluidity and transgenderism to infiltrate their membership. Well, look, I can see why conservative scout leaders were upset about that. Hey, we signed up to molest biological boys, not these trans weirdos, that every time I think I have a handle on what conservatives are mad about, they slip in something new. Earth-centered paganism? I don't even know what part I'm supposed to be angry about. Is that that the paganism is centered on Earth instead of a different planet? But yeah, apparently the Secretary of Defense was upset enough that he threatened to end the military's 100-year history

of providing support to the scouts if they didn't get in line with his MAGA warrior ethos. And apparently, mission accomplished. Scouting America has agreed to comply immediately with the provisions of executive order 14173. No more DEI, zero. The quote, citizen in society merit badge that encourage scouts to explore diversity, equity, inclusion, and identity.

That badge has been discontinued. I'm sorry. The Secretary of Defense, the Secretary of Defense is micromanaging which Boy Scout badges are to, DEI. Is this why we don't have a plan for the war? I'll focus on the Middle East tomorrow. Right now I'm busy figuring out how to make neckerchiefs look manly. For more on the Boy Scout changes and their possible impact,

let's go live to Jordan Klepper. Question, obviously, is why the fuck are you dressed like that? Okay. You know what? Don't sneer, Michael. This is because the Boy Scouts are manly again. And in honor of that masculinity, I broke out my old uniform, you know? Costa, what's more alpha than this, huh? You look like the boy from up if you join the village people. You're just jealous.

You probably spent your summers in a band camp or fat, or on a birthright trip to Fire Island. Look, I'll have you know it was band camp, and yes, most of us were fat, but that's besides the point. So what are some of HECSET's biggest changes with the scouts? Well, first off, the old merit badges were focused on helping those around you and being a good citizen, traits that we now know are Canadian. However, these new badges embody Pete Hegs'S' idea of real American manliness,

like the three-times-divorced badge. The talking your way out of a DUI badge. And the let's all pull our gentlemen out, and the first one to get hard is gay badge. Fun fact, I already got that bad boy. Wait, so you were the first one to get hard? What? No. I was the last one to get hard. Finally, that skill paid off.

Jordan, America just launched a war against Iran. Why is the Defense Department wasting time on the Boy Scouts when they should be focused on the war effort. Because this is a part of the war effort. I mean, who do you think is going to be fighting that war in ten years? These scouts? Ten years, they said the war will be over in weeks. Are you kidding me?

With Pete Hankseth in charge? This guy's spending all this time on merit badges. That's what I'm saying. He's incompetent. Don't you say that about Pete? He's a solid dude. He's a special envoy to my shield of besties. Why are you defending Pete Hegseth so hard?

Because covering for your boys is how you earn Hegsess new Bros Before Hose badge. So, um, by the way, if his wife asked, he was with me last night. Could you send someone to pick me up because I got lost in the woods and it's getting cold, not a lot of layers? You know, we start a fire. And rub two sticks together, gay! Jordan Klopper, everybody.

When we come back, we come back, We explore the horrors of not owning a car. Africans love our cars, but is it possible to thrive without them? Grace Koolenschmidt found out. Here in America, the car is king, Route 66, drive-thrus, tailgating. The USA has a serious case of autoerotic asphyxiation. But not everyone respects are a sacred American car culture. A little tight.

It happens when you got a big boy, you know what I mean? So I burned rubber, headed for Tempe, a suburb before. Phoenix. More turns here. To check out a neighborhood that didn't get the memo. Welcome to Coltac Tempe, the first car-free neighborhood built from scratch in the U.S. Wait, so there's no cars. Residents don't have cars. Okay, so it's just SUVs and trucks. No parking of any kind. What? Coldassack is a $170 million development with retail, restaurants, and housing for up to 1,000 residents and zero cars?

There's so many reasons why walkable neighborhoods are better. So this would be illegal in your city. We don't ban cars. We just don't have residential parking. And there's freer discounted rides on light rail, buses, lifts, waymower. Phoenix is America's hottest city. And guess who Ryan blames for that? This feels 15 degrees cooler because there's not a drop of asphalt.

Wow, so on an average day, it's only like 105 degrees. That's sick. Easy breezy. The ridiculous idea that everything you need should be walkable or bikeable without requiring a car is a concept known as the 15-minute city. It's being tried around the world as a way to increase sustainability and improve quality of life. There's just one problem. If you have 15-minute cities, you can decide who enters them.

And every single freedom that we know will be gone. Meet Katie Hopkins, freedom fighter. Islam is taking over my country. I have been banned from South Africa for spreading racial hatred. I'm not a big fan of the feminists. Anti-COVID commentator will be booted out of Australia after joking about breaking hotel quarantine rules. But Katie says COVID was a globalist plot and 15-minute cities are phase two. COVID and lockdowns were always going to pass over hand-in-hand to the 15-minute city lockdown.

part of a global decision to crush humanity by locking it down. And Katie's not the only deep thinker sounding the alarm. Monitors, cameras, sensors in the street everywhere. They become 15-minute prisons as opposed to 15-minute cities. These 15-minute city truth seekers say that walkable neighborhoods are just the first step of permanent worldwide lockdown. It's about our global overlords deciding. that the majority of humans, actually billions of them, are just useless meat eaters.

When you say global overlords, who are you talking about? Is it the government? Is it the deep state? Is it big e-bike? The powerful people that control this planet. They want to turn us all into a barcode. They want to be able to control where we go, how we go, when we go, what we can access. They will put us in confined spaces, cul-de-sac, and they will just mine us for our data in order to help program future AI. So like the Matrix, but with desert-adapted landscaping?

Time to confront Coldesack's chief executive overlord. How much is the government paying you to build this Adobe Alcatraz? Actually, government regulation is one of the biggest barriers we faced. What? A lot of the reason we don't have walkable neighborhoods is because of zoning and that's where you... When you say zoning, are you referring to hurting people into their zones so they can never leave? No. And Ryan claims that development.

like cul-de-sac help protect our warming planet. But Katie says climate change is a load of something she calls bullocks. We've been around for 300,000 years. And at times in the past, it's been hotter than this. And no one ever had a truck back then. Where it gets really scary is that a new generation of young people are born, never having known their father's relationship with his car, watched him clean it on the curb on a Sunday,

never understand what freedom actually means. Wow, Katie was right. I headed for cul-de-sac to find out. Did these sheeple even know what they were missing? Can I ask you a really quick question? Have you ever seen your dad wash his car? Yeah? Can't wash a car.

He can't wash a car? If you don't have a car, where do you make rant videos? Yeah, I'm not really a rant video guy. No, rant videos? So how do you stand up to tyranny? I should be allowed to drive my truck onto the rides at Disneyland. I needed backup, so I threw Katie in the bed of my truck and brought her into the lion's den, Coltac. With Katie's razor-sharp intellect, she could identify threats that most rational people would miss.

Look up. Camera. Oh, my God. Kiss my ass. Kiss her ass. You think? They have them so that everyone can know that they're being watched. Cameras, doors that don't open.

I bet you this one doesn't open. The whole point of a door is a door opens. None of these doors open. That's literally the definition of a door. What kind of morons lock their doors? Unless they were locked in. There's probably drones. Jesus.

It is like a prison. It is a prison. I'm so freaked out. I almost feel like there's a camera crew following. camera crew following us. I could feel the tastefully landscaped walls closing in. Good thing I had Katie. But could I even trust her?

What is that? Is that chem trails? Actually, I'm totally fine with mistus. You're totally fine getting drenched in fluoride? Oh my God. Katie was compromised. And then, for the first time, she said something truly unhinged. The global overlords are the evil ones who want to crush us.

No, not that part. Whereas Trump, to me, is the antidote. to that. Sure. He's tweeted me quite a lot, which I think is just one step away from the bedroom. Come on. Come on. The greatest guy to ever live, Donald J. Trump. You know what? Once I've done the unzipping, and I've got his presidential member in my hand, which I imagine to be large. Do you? I have blown worse. That's when I realized I might not be able to trust Katie's judgment. Time to ride like the wind. As soon as I can can figure out how to get the f*** out of here.

It's never too early to plan your summer story in Europe with WestJet, from rolling countryside to cobblestone streets. Begin your next chapter. Book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent. WestJet, where your story takes off. New host of Reading Rainbow and author of I'm So Happier Here, a celebration of library joy. Please welcome Michael Threats.

They're the best. You've been called America's favorite librarian, please. Give this audience your best sh-sh. But you never have to be quiet in the library. The library is for everybody. You can make noise. We have autistic people in the library, LGBTI Plus, all sorts of people.

It's okay to make some noise in the library. Absolutely. I've seen concerts at the library. I've been a part of a wrestling show at the library. Yes, I have. I was a special guest referee for a library show. Was it just a fight? It was just a fight. We were fighting over literacy, fighting over the good of books, over everything good.

I mean, you are the new host of Reading Rainbow. You're the resident librarian for PBS and PBS kids. Why are libraries so important to you? Library are so important to me because I grew up loving libraries. I have a library card tattooed on me. I've had a library card since I was five years old. I was very shy. I'm still shy as an adult, but libraries save my life.

I'm still struggling today, but I'm alive because of librarians, children's librarians. That's all that's all. You said you have a library card tattooed. I do, absolutely. Can you show us? Yes, absolutely. It's right there. Where I'm looking, but it's Arthur Reed's library card.

Arthur Reed, R-E-A-D. He is an art vark if you didn't know. I did not know as a kid. I thought he just had very, very funny ears, but he is an art bark. Yeah. But that also proves that whether you're reading, you're a kid and an adult, you don't always have to know everything about a book. You just need to read the book. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. Is it true that you still have your grandmother's library card? I do. I actually have it with me. On you? Yes. Yeah, this is my grandmother's library card. San Jose.

Yeah, it's from the San Jose Public Library. She used to live in Arkansas when she was a little girl. She grew up not having a library card. It was forbidden. She couldn't go to library. She wasn't allowed to read. So she didn't have any childhood favorites, and she made her way to California.

And now she's raised probably a grandson who probably loves libraries more than anybody in the entire world. And now I carry her precious library card with me. everywhere in the world. I'm so proud to be her grandchild. Her name was William B. This book is great. Wow. I've already read it to my kids. I'm so happy you're here. It's beautifully illustrated. There's a great message at the end.

One of the things I love, too, is you show you don't just have to read books. Musical instruments. Play a board game. Do some gardening. I don't know if you can do gardening at my local library, but... Maybe they can start. Maybe they can start. Why was it important? important future write this book. Before we talk about that, I think the illustrator is here today.

Her name is Lorraine Dom. I'm very... I'm very proud. I was wondering why there was one audience member with her head down the whole time. Yes. No, I'm very proud of it. She's here. Some of the random out Sheldon's book teams are here. Editor, publicists, so many people who help make this come true. And I always tell people I am so happy you're here at the library because the library is a place for everybody, for autistic people, for dyslexic people, ADHD. people who are having a hard time, people who are LGBTQI plus, people who are anxious, people who are panicking, people just like myself, but also people who are so happy, so joyful,

to find out that there is something for everybody at the library. There are no expectations. You don't even need a library card. You don't have to flash it like it's Costco. Here's my card. You can just come on inside. And I love that so much about the library, that it's for every single person.

There's something for everybody all the time. You know, you've been really open. Yeah. You've been really open with some of your mental health struggles, and I commend you for that. And you've said, you said it even here, that a library saved your life. Explain a little bit of that to me. Yeah, I mean, I'm honestly, I'm at one of the worst places in my life mentally.

Honestly, I've struggled with wanting to be alive, just feeling worthy, feeling worthy of the role of hosts of Reed Rainbow, feeling worthy of that book. But the library has always told me that I belong. They've always said, you can come in here with your panic attacks. Try not to have a panic attack, but you can come inside. And I just appreciate their honesty that they've always been vulnerable with me. And same for library kids.

Library kids struggle with mental health. Mental health is not just an adult problem, teen problem. It affects us all. I think being able to talk to kindergartners, pre-K kids, fourth graders, and say, hey, I'm just like you. You are not alone. We are not alone. And library kids, library people, authors,

illustrators like Lorraine have always been there for me, always been in my corner. And just to be able to dedicate that book to them means the world. You know, I'll tell you, we all are very, we're all very happy you're the new host of Reading Rainbow, we're all very happy that you wrote this book, but whether you did that or not, you're worthy. Thank you. You're valuable.

And whether or not I'm the host of this show, I'm valuable. Yeah. No, but you said that, and it just connects with me on so many levels. For all of us, we have these, we tie so much value and worth to accomplishments that aren't even in our control, and this is such a beautiful book. you know, on Saturday, I was trying to return some books to the library, my kids' books. And I get up there, and it's like, hey, we're only open Tuesdays to Thursdays because of budget cuts. And then I'm turning on the radio, and here we are launching billion dollars worth of missiles at Iran.

And I'm thinking, this is all f***ed up, Michael. And you might not be able to say that, but I can say that. How important is a library's funding? What can we do better about libraries funding? You know, I love that there are so many people in the world who are supposed to be. supporting libraries. You have the Jason Reynolds, Jerry Crafts, but you also have the Miss Rachel's, the Sarah Jessica Parker, the world who are like libraries are the best. And I think honestly what we can do is you can go get your very own library card. You can show up at the library. You can tell your friends about the library. You can tell your family about the library. Your neighbors. I'm a big fan of Mr. Rogers. I believe Mr. Rogers even wants to tell our enemies about the library. I think honestly like the more hype we have for libraries, the better we can say like the library is important. It is for. It is for our enemies about the library. It is for. for everybody. If you don't believe us, go see it for yourself. The more people who cross that threshold,

the more people will have no choice but to fund the library because it's going to become everybody's favorite place in the entire world, just like it's always been mine. There's literally no barriers to enter. I mean... Yes, exactly. Great. If you have a card, great.

But you can also just go sit and read for eight hours there. And you see people doing that all the time. And very rarely do you walk out of there going, I just wasted my day. I read to my kids. They like books. I try to teach them. Books are our friends.

Don't step on them. Don't throw them. But I really want to supercharge it. Like, I really want them to be bad motherfuck when it comes to literacy. What else can I do? Just keep going. You know what?

I think it's something special that Lorraine did with the illustration to show people that there is, that there is library. It really is for everybody by having a kid in a wheelchair on the cover. Having a kid who's blind, reading a book in Braille.

And now there's even a version of the book in Spanish. I was actually at a school library the other day. Yes, I was at a library the other day. And a kid was like, I was asking him, do you want a version in English or Spanish? And they're like, you know what, Mr. Michael? My mom only speaks Spanish. Can I have the Spanish version? I want to talk to my mom about library joy.

And I think that's what we can keep on doing. We have to listen to the library kids, let them sound through. There are so many stories out there. I so appreciate your energy, your positivity, You know, your excitement for books and enthusiasm for the library is contagious. And I know you know that, but I'm here to tell you, even just sitting next to you, I can feel it, we can all feel it. Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you. I'm so happy you're here. How significant is the concern that U.S. air defense may not be able to intercept many of these Iranian drones? It is significant and it is growing, Pam. Wolf, let's take a look at what the U.S. is doing right now. They're fielding a previously unused military asset. I'm going to show you a life-size model that we bring into our virtual studio here. This is the Lucas Drone.

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